#49 Let's Talk Asking Your Village for Help

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Welcome to this week's episode of the Working Moms of San Antonio podcast. Today we are here with Brittany, from Hot Mess Express. And so we are going to turn it over to her to talk a little bit more about that.

Oh, thank you. Um, so obviously you said I'm here with Hot Mess Express. So Hot Mess Express is a national nonprofit. Um, their little tagline is, uh, not a handout, just a hand. We are a women group for women and moms. Um, I started the chapter here in San Antonio. I applied to start it in October of last and we just got it up and running in January. Um, but the Hot Mess Express, the initial idea was in 2021 and is founded in 2023. So it's still a new nonprofit, um, but it's growing very, very quickly. We have 65 chapters across the United States already.

Oh my gosh.

That's incredible.

With 7 of them being in Texas. Um, they still need more. Yeah. The idea is, uh, the hope is to have a chapter close enough to every, everybody. So every woman that needs help can get help. Um, so the main purpose of Hot Mess Express is a volunteer-led, um, group where people can volunteer for nominees. Nominees are any, any woman, any mom that needs help in their home with just a little bit of chaos. Our goal is to help in their home through cleaning and organizing, a fresh start, just to help, just a little bit of that help that I know a lot of us need to kind of get back on track, to reset our lives when maybe we're in a little bit of a funk.

Oh yeah, that's great.

It is. It's amazing because I know, just thinking about a house full of boys, I'm like, oh my God, it's hard.

It is hard.

It's really, really hard. Um, Brittany, how did you hear about this, or how did you get involved? Like, what made you start your chapter?

So through my work, once a year we get sent to our corporate location for like training, and our corporate location is in Missouri. And there, one of our keynote speakers, also somebody in my company, Um, they had a whole slideshow on Hot Mess Express as part of their, this is what I do in my spare time. And she, so she volunteered an Illinois chapter of Hot Mess Express.

Okay.

And me and my 3 coworkers that were also there, um, all also women, 2 of the, 2 other ones also, uh, moms as well. Um, we were like, that is a really good idea. We, all of us at some point in time were like, we could have used this. We needed this. We need one in San Antonio. We know it would, We know it could be used and to help a lot of people. So we came back from that trip in October and immediately applied and started going through the process to have an affiliate chapter here in San Antonio.

Yeah. That's incredible. When you get a calling or a pull to do something and it's truly gonna make a difference in someone's lives. Yeah. You know, something that we can relate to, you know?

Yes. Yeah, for sure. And so how does it, like, how do people apply to get this help from you guys? How does it work?

Uh, so most of our, our transactions are, you know, the, the process of it is done through Facebook. There is a website, hotmessexpress.co, um, that has, uh, affiliate locations. There's location maps. You can find, see if there's one near wherever you live. Um, as well as ways to donate either time, supplies, whatever it may be. Um, and then there's also links to apply as an affiliate coordinator if there isn't one in your location. There's one for a chaos coordinator. Which is a title for somebody who leads missions to go into people's homes and help. Um, and then there's a volunteer form, just somebody that comes to help volunteer. And then there's a nominee form as well. And so you can nominate yourself or you can nominate somebody else as well, as long as they're okay with being nominated. Mm-hmm. Because it can be a bit personal. We, we like to hear about your story, what's going on. We need pictures of your home. So as long as the, the nominee knows they're being nominated, nominated or they nominate themselves, then they can fill out that form and, you know, we get back with them relatively quickly to let them know the next steps and how to go through. So those links are on the hotmessexpress.co website as well as every affiliate chapter has a Facebook page and they're linked on their Facebook pages as well. Wow.

That's amazing.

Brittany, can you go through like a process? Like what is, I mean, I, I kind of have an idea of what you guys do, but like, For example, let's say I got nominated. What does that look like?

So you nominate yourself. You go through the nomination form. You fill in your own personal information. We get your name, your phone number, your email address. We learn about your home. Do you have children? Do you have pets? And then a little bit we call a statement. What's going on with you? Are you in just a regular day-to-day funk? Have you had medical issues? Have you recently moved? Like, what's going on with your life that you think you need, you know, some help right now that we can help with? That gets submitted to me. I get, you know, notification through email that we have a new nominee. I go through and comb through the application, make sure nothing's missing, essentially. I reach out to you and I say, "Thank you so much for reaching out to Hot Mess Express. We all need some help sometimes, and I'm glad that you can come to us and ask for help." Yeah. I get any bits of missing information that we may need, and generally we schedule a walkthrough at that point where me and one other volunteer will come to your home. We'll say, hey, what are the points that you mostly want us to help with? You know, where are the rooms of concern? Where can we help you the best? And get, you know, more pictures if we need them, get your story, whatever it may be in that walkthrough appointment. And then, so that normally happens within the first week between initial contact and a walkthrough of your home. And then we try to schedule your mission, that's when the volunteers actually come to your home, within about 2 weeks. We try to not make it too far out so that way, you know, anything major has changed in your situation. But soon enough, we're still a helping hand.

So it's immediate, in a sense, immediate relief that you might be able to get.

Yes. And we're really—

And we really need the help.

We're keeping in contact with you the whole time to make sure that, you know, nothing has changed, nothing drastic has happened. And, you know, assuring you that, hey, your mission is scheduled, we're coming to help on this day.

Got it.

And so when you're getting these nominees, What is, is it typically because someone has been unwell or is it more often than not, like, you know, someone that's just let things kind of, you know, life take its toll and, you know, go by the wayside a little bit and that kind of stuff?

It, it can be a little bit of both. I can give you an example of like two nominees that we have right now. One of 'em, she is six months pregnant with her third child. So she's got two children at home. One of 'em's autistic as well. She works full-time as an EMT. And she's also type 1 diabetic. So she's got a lot of things on her plate between 2 kids, a pregnancy, a medical condition, and a full-time job. And then she has a husband who also has a full-time job, but he's also 100% disabled as well. So a lot of things can happen in your household with all those things piling on top of each other.

Sure.

Another nominee that we have right now, a single mom, 2 girls, not a whole lot of help otherwise, and then recently diagnosed with a brain tumor.

Oh.

And has been in and out of the hospital. So, you know, when you have a list of priorities, your home may not be, you know, Absolutely. The top, top one. So it can be any combination of things. Me personally, while any point in time where I would've reached out for Hot Mess Express's help, I can think of two kind of scenarios. There's one when I was going through postpartum depression. Again, the house is not the main focus. Would've loved a helping hand. Somebody just come do the dishes, just mop the floor for me.

Right.

Put the laundry away if you would. You know? Um, and another time I, for, for 3 years there, I was a single mom of 2 kids working a full-time job. So from 6:30 in the morning till, you know, 7 o'clock at night, 8 o'clock when the kids went to bed, whatever that may have been, I was busy.

Yeah.

If I had any time for chores, it was after the kids went to bed and it, would've been my me time, anything like that, things get behind. So, it can be anything in between just, you know, things aren't getting done when they're supposed to be done to, you know, stress, mental concern, mental issues, mental health concerns is what I mean to say, or physical concerns. It could be any combination of them. And we have no bias towards what it is. There's no judgment. It's all no judgment. And really the only reason we would deny a nomination is if you're outside of our area.

Oh, I see. So there's not like a threshold by which it's like, okay, we have to come in and it has to be like so bad, so bad. Yeah. You know, that, that they would then be like, okay, now we need to kind of come in and intervene. Anybody that feels as though they need the help, so long as within your means to do so, correct. You would help.

There are scenarios where we may not be able to offer, um, help if it's a hoarder scenario, it's too unsanitary. Um, pest infections, infestations, things like that. They're out— sure. Outside the scope of, of what we can do, we can give them resources for those kinds of things. But, you know, generally it's all no judgment. We're not necessarily gonna turn many people away for almost anything.

Yeah. But I mean, I mean, it's typically like the daily stuff that just piles on, you know, like the dishes, the just the clutter, the mess, that kind of stuff that just can be extremely overwhelming. I know for me, like when there's clutter, my mind's cluttered.

Like, I can't—

I can't focus. I can't get things done. So I like when things are neat, you know. They don't have to be perfect, but just organized in a sense that I can at least get through things or find stuff. So I'm— I mean, I'm trying to think back. My boys are 17 and 15 now, and, um, like, oh man, if I— I remember I had a C-section back to back, and it was very difficult to get around, and I didn't have a lot of help. My husband worked full-time, so he was gone. So I'm like, oh, just someone to come in and help me clean the toilet. Or like, I, I, yeah, I got sick after my second C-section and I remember having trouble just moving around for a long period of time and it was hard. And, and, you know, but it was kind of, I, I didn't know there was a resource out there that could come out and help.

Yes.

You know, that would've been great to have at that time.

Yeah. Absolutely. I mean, I feel like when things are overwhelming at home, it just, I mean, it piles on and it affects everything, right? It affects your relationships. It affects your work life, you know?

Yeah.

And that kind of stuff. Um, and so it's great to have a resource available to women and women. I feel like, I feel like it's nice that you can nominate yourself, but it's also nice that you can, with someone's permission, you know, nominate you cuz women have a hard time asking for help. Yeah.

Exactly.

Well, and one of the nicer things about it too is it's women helping women.

Yeah.

Um, you ever heard the joke, like a lot of women don't want male Instacart shoppers cuz they don't pick out the right things.

Yes.

Yes. Right.

Kind of the same thing. These are women, moms, other like-minded people coming into your home and helping. So I'm not saying we're gonna do it absolutely perfect every time, but these are women that, you know, you can ask for help from and, and be comfortable with it. So, you know, we, we're gonna, we're gonna separate the kids' laundry, you know, into the correct piles.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's right.

They're all in one together.

Yeah.

We're gonna, we're gonna, everything's pink today. We're gonna put the dishes away in the correct cabinet. You know, think things that women and moms will notice and, and take that little bit of extra cuz I'm, For me, somebody who's has a little bit of self-diagnosed OCD, nothing bothers me more than when somebody helps and I have to go back and do it again for them. Yes. Because they didn't do it right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. So when you guys go in, I guess it depends on the situation. Mm-hmm. Um, but how long would you say on average it would, it would take to, you know, get things done? Is it, are you guys there for weeks or, I mean, what's the circumstance?

Oh no.

Yeah.

No, we're trying to make this a one-day thing.

Oh, okay.

Yes. So we get as many volunteers as possible. We have, Almost 30 women volunteered right now, which we wanna build up our bank as big as possible. Of course.

That's cool.

Yeah.

Some of these women are only available on Tuesday mornings. Some of them are only weekends. So we want a large, you know, bank of women willing to volunteer. That way, whatever day these missions come up, we can get a large enough group. So I mean, if we have 20 women tackling a 1,000-square-foot home, it's gonna get done in a couple hours. But if we have 5 women doing a 3,000-square-foot home, we're gonna be there most of the day.

Yes.

Yes. So it really depends on volunteer turnout, the, the size and scope of, of the house and projects that, that need to be done. But it is a one-day mission. And the, the, the woman, the, the nominee or her family, whoever it may be, is also welcome to stay and help too, delegate if, if they want. Um, so it's up to them whether they want to participate or just come home to, you know, a clean, refreshed house with a candle lit.

Can you imagine 20 pairs of hands?

Oh my gosh. I know.

Oh my God. Like, I'm like, That'd be so nice.

You know?

Yeah. That's incredible. And so I, I didn't realize so many volunteers at one time. How, how are you, how do you, I guess, vet volunteers? How do people, how do people volunteer with your chapter? Yeah.

So same thing with the, the nomination process. There's an application either on the hotmessexpress.co website or through the chapter, the location affiliate's Facebook page, the nomination page. Kind of the same thing. We really won't turn down a volunteer for any particular reason unless if they're outside the area. We try to stick to a 25-mile radius, because you will be driving yourself to these missions. And it's really, it's really not that hard. There is more of a vetting process if you're wanting to become a Chaos Coordinator, which are those women that lead the missions. They're the ones that's going to rally, gather everybody, do roll call, fill out paperwork, and actually lead the missions, assign people to certain rooms or tasks. So that one, there's a training and onboarding process, but volunteers are more than welcome to fill out a volunteer form, put in their information, and their available hours and, and, uh, it goes on as a Facebook event saying, hey, we have a mission on, we actually have one on February 15th. So we say, hey, there's a mission on February 15th starting at 10 o'clock. Who can come? And you hit going and we expect you to show up at 10 o'clock on Saturday, February 15th.

Yeah.

Very cool. Mm-hmm.

That is, you guys have like sort of a well-oiled machine there.

Yes. We're very quick. I mean, it's, it's inspirational hearing you cuz you, went to a work event, heard somebody talk about it, like, you know what, we're doing that. I'm gonna sign up now, start my own chat. Wow. Yeah. And, and being functional and, and, and doing stuff and making a big difference. That's awesome.

I've been wanting to find something to do with my, my spare time, kind of in a similar realm. But you want to be passionate about it too. If you're spending, you know, I have, I have 4 kids, 2 kids and 2 stepkids, okay? And a full-time job and the dogs in the house and and all of that. So if I wanted to spend extra time doing something, I wanted to make sure I was passionate about it. So this is something that I, I feel it fills your bucket.

Yeah. Britney, do you like to clean?

I do like to clean.

Yeah.

But you get tired of cleaning your own house sometimes.

Exactly. I mean, I love cleaning, but my own, I'm like, ugh.

Yes.

Well, cause I didn't make, I mean like I didn't make this mess either, but yeah.

There's some, there's some emotional aspects to it as well.

I guess I wanna make my kids clean up their own mess. I don't wanna do it anymore.

Yes.

Yeah. Well, I guess you have to sort of have that like organization heart to be doing that kind of stuff.

Well, and we were, we were talking a little bit about it when she was telling me that you were coming in today and I'm like, well, there has to be some, like you had, we talked to, uh, a lady recently, an organization type person, but it was different. This is completely different. Like it's someone who's really truly in coming in, like helping you clean your kitchen. Mm-hmm. And putting dishes away and not just organizing stuff, like really truly helping you come in and you walk in. I, I love the feeling., to walk into a clean kitchen.

Yes.

I don't know what it is. I, I love, I, I love cooking when the kitchen's been cleaned.

Yeah. Yeah.

So it just makes life so much easier.

65 current chapters and 32 of those have been in 2025. So January, February, new onboarding chapters. Um, so last year there were 33 chapters and each one of those chapters, um, were doing 1 or 2 missions a month.

Yeah.

Um, so across the United States in 33 chapters, they were doing, you know, their very best to help.

Yeah. That's a lot of help.

Couple women's in their, in their city or their, their county each, each month.

Yeah. Wow. And so it's kind of quickly growing if you have so many new ones having opened up. About half of what you've got has opened up somewhat recently around the nation.

Yes.

The last year.

Yeah.

Yes. So, uh, Brittany Tran, who's the president of Hot Mess Express, she did a, uh, a TikTok video that she posted, cross-posted to Instagram and Facebook, and it went fairly viral. So from that post in December, there was a lot of interest and applications for new affiliates across the United States. So it is growing very quickly.

Yeah, just shows you that social media.

I mean, it may be just a way to give back to your community. Like, it's just a different way of doing something and outside the box. Like, yes, you can donate money. Yes, you can go to Goodwill, that kind of stuff. But this is actually physically, being the servant, like being the benefit. Like, you're, you're that person, you know.

And we do our best to, um, you know, we're not putting all your information out there, but we do give our volunteers enough information about the person's scenario, what they're going through, so that way they know, they know how they're helping, you know, this woman or this family and what they're, what they're going through.

Yeah, I think hopefully people— but I know, um, when I was working a lot of hours when my kids were very, very young, someone had suggested getting someone to come in to help me clean. And it was something like, I can do it myself. Like, I don't need someone. I wish I, you know, but when I started thinking about having that extra pair of hands to come in and just take that stress off you makes life just so much better. And especially if you're just in a bad situation where you, we do know women, you know, suffer from postpartum or maybe they've had a death in the family or maybe they're diagnosed with something that you just can't get to everything.

Yeah.

And having that extra hand to come in to really make things better can just put a lot of less stress on your body.

Yeah. And we have a lot of women that say like, hey, if you can come and help me, if you can do the reset, I can maintain it after that.

Yeah. Yeah.

Sometimes that's all it takes cuz you just don't have the motivation to put in all the effort upfront to get it, you know, back to 100. Yeah.

And I think probably, I mean, we let things, obviously there's extenuating circumstances, but we let things get to a point because like we said before, it's hard to ask for that help.

Yes.

You know? And so, I mean, we talked about it at book club recently at one of our book clubs. Um, we as women, I feel like would like help, but we don't ask for help. And then there's almost like a point of pride where we're the ones that take care of everything and like make sure that everything's like taken care of. And so if you allow outsiders to know that you're not taking care of things the way that, you know, you think might be perceived as like the proper way or whatever, then then you continue to not ask, you know? Yeah. And you keep holding it back and you keep holding it back.

Well, 'cause it's embarrassing. Like I, I, you know, think I was thinking about when I, when I had my children, I didn't want people to know that I couldn't clean my toilets or I, I couldn't mop my floors everywhere. I wasn't changing my sheets every week or whatever the case is.

Yeah.

That was hard to do. But as a woman, as a mother, as a wife, that's my, yes, my, that's my job.

Like I do that. It feels like your job.

Yeah. It's my job. And, and I'm proud to do those things, but I, it's hard to admit that I can't get to everything. Every week or whatever the case.

Yes.

Because there is a certain extent, it's a guilt. It feels like you, a little bit like a failure if you didn't quite get to everything, do everything that you feel like you're supposed to be doing. And we, we, we're here to let people know that's not the case. And there's lots of us that feel that way and we're here to help.

Well, I think what, what we see on social media, everything looks so pretty and, and polished and perfect. Everything's labeled and in its spot. And I'm like, that's not the way houses look.

Yeah.

I know. I've seen the appraisals. They don't look like that.

I know. We should normalize like normal looking houses. Houses, I feel like, and that. But that's not the way of the social media world because it's not pretty to look at.

Like, you know, a lot of times we, like, we co-work here because it's nice and it's pretty and it's, it's clean and I don't have to think about the dishes right now. Yeah, I can work in a nice space that's comfortable, um, and, you know, where I'm not having to worry about my chores that I have at home, right? So I can't believe— I think it's amazing. And I'm just fascinated that it just— you just heard about it You're like, I'm doing that. You did it and you got a whole chapter going and you've already helped people. So that's incredible. Cuz it takes a while. Sometimes things get going, you think about it, but nope. You're like, I'm doing it.

Yeah.

I'm doing this.

Even though it was a new, it's a new nonprofit. They were really good at getting, getting us set up, um, you know, quickly so that way we could start it. It was really, they really set it at, at our pace. They said, you're good to go. You know, start, start, you know, asking for volunteers, start asking for nominees, start asking. For wishlist items, generally just cleaning supplies. And when you guys feel like you're ready to take on a mission, take on your mission, start, here's your resources. You can do it when you're comfortable. So it was really, they gave us a lot of resources to get it started and get it started correctly. And I say we, 'cause there is another affiliate coordinator. She lives in Lacoste, so a little west of San Antonio. She's also a working mom, has 2 boys, and she's great. And she has, she saw the viral video and wanted to start as well. So we applied at a similar time. So they stuck us together and said, you guys are in charge of San Antonio. Here's your baby. Go take care of it.

Awesome. That's great.

Yeah.

Brittany, are there any tips or anything that you might be able to share with our working moms that you might, as you've been doing this, think that maybe if they are struggling and maybe are not ready to reach out, but something they could be doing or that you've learned in your short time of having your chapter that you might be able to share with them?

I mean, honestly, my biggest piece of advice is really just to talk to your village. If you don't have a village, find a village, ask for a village. Because I know there's so many of us, like, I'm a transplant to San Antonio. I've been here for over 10 years now, but I'm not originally from here. I'm lucky enough to have had some family move to the area, but anybody anybody that could help me is within 30 minutes to 2 hours away. So there's a lot of women like that. So if you don't have a village, find a Facebook group, find a support group, find a book club, find a village. And from there, any, anybody and anything can help you if you need it. Whether you ask for it or not, somebody, especially women, will notice if you need help.

It's a great tip.

Yeah, that is.

We're a great village.

Yeah.

Welcome to our village. Thank you.

Yeah.

We were just actually talking about that at the workshop yesterday. We had a workshop,, um, about like work-life balance. Mm-hmm. Um, and the gal that was—

it's a lie.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It does feel, it does feel very elusive. Um, but the gal that was teaching it was like, you know, people use that statement, they say like, you know, find your village, but if you're not utilizing it, you know, then what is it there for? You know, we all need to help, but it's so true. Um, women do notice, you know, they notice if you're having a hard time or they notice, you know, in your personality or if you just don't quite seem yourself, you know, and that kind of thing. And so. Um, what you guys are doing is great as women, you know, by women for women essentially.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Yeah.

Because women do, they notice those kind of things for each other, I feel like.

Yes. And I think they, you've, if you felt it and didn't have the help, you can be empathetic to the person who's going through it, you know, like you feel it.

Yeah. Mm-hmm.

I think that's what also our workshop talked about yesterday. She being very empathetic to people and understanding what, how they feel about stuff. So yeah, I think women have a good gauge for that. So yeah, find your village. That's a great tip. I think it's an awesome tip.

Yeah. Well, um, is there anything else you wanna share with our audience specifically that you can think of?

Not specifically. I mean, if they, if they like the, the message and, you know, the, the goal for, for Hot Mess Express, we're always accepting volunteers. Like I said, we've got about 30, but we would love to have more. We would love for, for any woman listening to, to join our Facebook group. And you don't necessarily have to volunteer if you just wanna join and, and and look at our, look at our happenings and goings-ons. And you know, we'd like to have some socials or, or things, you know, in the future once we get a little bit bigger. But you know, we just join our village.

Yeah.

That's great. Um, and we'll put, I know you had already mentioned the website. If you want, you can say it again quickly here at the end.

Hotmessexpress.co.

Got it. Yeah. And then we'll put it in the show notes as well and we'll share it around. Um, and yeah, thank you so much for being on.

This is awesome.

This is great.

What a cool nonprofit that I didn't even know existed.

I swear I saw something on Instagram and you mentioned, I'm like, I saw, I just saw that.

It was, yeah.

So, but I, I'm, I love watching folding videos. I love watching cleaning videos.

Oh, those cleaning videos will suck me in at 1 o'clock in the morning. Yeah, exactly.

They get me in. We have a lady who owns a, a, a laundry service and I love her videos cuz she folds them and looks all pretty and I'm like, I need my clothes to look like that. So, um, but yes, it came across my feed. I'm like, that is so cool.

Yeah.

That she's gonna be here.

Really amazing.

Mm-hmm.

Um, and then I'll just also thank our listeners for tuning into this week's episode of the Working Moms of San Antonio podcast, and we will catch you guys next week.

See you guys next week.

Thanks so much for tuning into this episode of the Working Moms of San Antonio podcast. We hope you love today's chat and found a little inspiration to take with you into your week. If you have a podcast topic suggestion or a question you'd love for us to cover, definitely send us an email at hello@workingmomsofsanantonio.com. We'd love to hear from you. And until next time, see you in the community.