Let's Stay Motivated with Guest Anissa Moore, Behavior Analyst & Motivational Speaker

You know, when she gets real down on herself and stuff, I'm the first one to be like, you know what, calculators exist. I'm not going to tell you they don't. For me, like, her little self-esteem is so much more important than her being able to reduce a fraction or do whatever.

So if this particular class is hard, if it's chemistry, it's just one year. You can get through it, right? And then you're done. Let's just get through that. And then at the end, there's a prize at the end. We're done. That's your prize.

We hear a lot about things like self-care. Oh, we have to self-care. We have to self-care. Yes, we do. We do. However, we can't just go like once a month and get a massage and think everything is great. We have to do like day-to-day little things to sustain our passion and to sustain us in our jobs. As a mom, as a parent, as a worker.

We're Erika Radis and Marie Lifschultz, a San Antonio area realtor and lender, but most importantly, we're working moms.

The goal of this podcast is to provide support and a sense of community to San Antonio area working moms like us. So join us in trying to find a balance between career, family, and everything in between.

Welcome to this episode of Working Moms of San Antonio podcast. We're here with our guest, Anissa Moore. She's a licensed and board-certified behavioral analyst and also a motivational speaker. So I'm going to turn it over to her and let her introduce herself and talk about, um, all of her work.

Thank you, Erika, and thank you guys for having me so much. I'm excited to be here. Um, so hello, Working Moms of San Antonio. I am one of y'all.

Uh, I—

so yes, I I am a proud, proud mama here in San Antonio. I have an almost 16-year-old. Y'all pray for me. She'll be 16 next month. So we're all about, you know, waiting for the license and getting the car and all those things that kind of cause a little bit of anxiety. So it's really good that I'm in the field that I'm in because as a behavior analyst, I, um, focus on things like decreasing anxiety, whether it be for students or, you know, school-aged children, or sometimes ourselves as adults. And sometimes I have to use the same techniques myself. But I actually started off— I'll tell you a little bit about myself and my history and kind of how I came to do this that I absolutely love. I started off actually as a classroom teacher. I was a special education teacher That is my field and that is my nature. I was an early childhood special education teacher and then I also did kindergarten inclusion, so my heart was always with young kiddos and my heart was always with students with challenges. And for some reason, I was just really drawn to kids that had behavior challenges. You know, that's not something that you just wake up one day and go, I want to work with kids with challenging behavior, but that was something, you know, um, that was something that I just felt really drawn to. I felt like that was my calling. And so I continued with my education, and after I got my master's degree, I went a little further into the school district here in San Antonio with Northside and became an autism specialist and really kind of focused on working with students with autism and other developmental disabilities. And then I went further and became a special ed coordinator and assistant director. I kind of kept going up the food chain, but somewhere along the way, I decided I wanted to really hyperfocus more on behavior supports. So several years ago, before my daughter was born, I started studying to become a board-certified behavior analyst. And what that really is, is looking at behaviors, not just with kiddos, but really, you know, this works for everybody. I use it on my husband all the time. Don't tell him that, he shouldn't watch this podcast. But it's really looking at behaviors from a really external standpoint. You know, we look to see what's happening in the environment that might be triggering a kiddo. You know, if you take that classic example of a mom takes a kiddo to the grocery store and the kiddo's going, "Mommy, mommy, I want a candy bar," and the mom's going, "No, uh-uh, we're not gonna do that. We're not gonna do that. We're gonna check out. We gotta go." And the kid goes, "Please, please, please, just this once, just this once, I want a candy bar, please." Mom says, "No, no, I already said no." You know, starts getting the mom, firm voice. Please, please, please. Mom says no. Kiddo starts raising the bar, starts making a scene, doing the whole bit, and mom gets embarrassed and just, shh, okay, okay, I'll get you this one, but just this once. Famous last words, right? Looking at behaviors like that, because when we look at an event like that, we see As a behavior analyst, we, we see, okay, we've just paycheck that type of behavior. If I tantrum enough, I'll get a paycheck, I'll get a reward, right? Because all of us in our lives, we work for a paycheck. What we do, we get a reinforcer for, we get a paycheck for. And if we do really well, hopefully we get a bigger paycheck. If we do something bigger, we get a bigger paycheck. So really simplified, really simplified, behavior analysis is kind of looking at all of the external variables and looking to see what is a trigger, what is something in the environment, whether it's something a kiddo sees or an adult sees, something that a parent asks a child to do, something that a teacher asks a student to do, and then what behavior results from that. And then what happens right afterwards? Does the kiddo get what they want? Does the kiddo not get what they want? Do we have to redirect? Do we have to do whatever? And whatever we do after helps us determine, is that behavior gonna happen again? Yeah. So that's kind of simplistically, um, when I look at kids' behaviors, I look to see not just what the kiddo's doing, but what happened right before and what happened right after. And when we can kind of start to see what's happening before and after, we can kind of start to see if patterns emerge, and then we can tweak some different things, and then we get better behavior outcomes. You know, it's kind of like, um, if you ever used to watch shows like Supernanny, it's kind of like Supernanny certified on steroids from a very behavior analytic standpoint, you know. So you would take that same scenario. If you've got that kiddo and the parents like, you know what, I'm always taking them to the store and they're always falling apart. And so I just don't even want to take them to the store anymore. You know, we would take that same scenario and say, you know what, you tell them up front, you change the beginning and you tell them up front, we are going to the store. We're going to buy this, this, and this. These are the rules. If you walk with me, if you help me with the cart, you stay right next to Listen to me, you have very quiet voice, you follow directions. As soon as we check out, if you do all of these things, I will buy you one small treat. Then you are pay-checking them for the work that they did, the good work that they did, not the tantrum that they did.

Got it.

And that's all it is. It's really all it is. So it's kind of looking at behaviors from a standpoint of the before, the during, and the after. And when I started learning this, everything just started coming together with things that I used to do when I taught. And then even as an administrator in a school district, I started looking to see how adult behavior was. You know, I started to look to see, you know, people that were maybe not as motivated in their jobs. What was— where was that lack of motivation coming from? Was it because maybe they were walking into a campus that the climate was already kind of rough, or as soon as they walked in, they weren't greeted with a, "Hey, good morning, how you doing?" They were walked in with, "Okay, you've already got best duty, come on." You know, that's that before that leads to the behavior. And then what happens after? If a teacher's doing a really good job, is somebody going in and saying, "Hey, I loved that lesson, great job." Are they getting the paycheck for the work besides just that paper paycheck? Are we all getting that in our jobs? Because those are the types of, you know, paychecks, those are the types of reinforcers that we all need to sustain what we're doing each and every day. You know, we don't just show up to a job just to get paid to pay our bills. I mean, yeah, that's a part of it, but we show up to our jobs because we typically like the people that we work with, or it's kind of located close to our house, or it's convenient, or You know, it's a good, strong, warm environment. You know, there's lots of different little paychecks that we get for doing the things that we do. So that kind of, those kinds of variables are things that I love to look for and that I love to encourage when we look at behavior, whether it's kiddo behavior or whether it's grown-up behavior, whether it's behavior in the workplace, you know, looking at things that motivate and sustain our passion.

Wow, that's so interesting to me. I just would never put those two sort of, I guess, career types together. But I mean, just listening to you talk about it, those skills work in any aspect of your life, really. And so that's so interesting to me. That's amazing. So, Anisa, what does a typical workday look like for you? Because it does sound like you're doing a lot of things. So your days may not be super typical, but what might a typical day look like?

Yeah, they're typically atypical. They're wonderful though. So I am an independent consultant. A lot of my work I contract with school districts, you know, across the nation. I am nationwide, but I also might go and do motivational, you know, conferences and things like that where I might speak. So one day I might go and visit a school district and go into a classroom. I might be asked to go and see a student maybe that's really struggling, and a campus might just say, you know, I've tried X, Y, and Z, we need to kind of brainstorm and get some other outside ideas. Another day I might be, you know, going to a conference and speaking on, you know, best practices, or I might be speaking to a group of adults about motivation or, you know, finding their fire again or their passion. You know, I think so much changed during COVID Yeah. And my role, I think, changed a lot after COVID. I started doing more and more of the motivation because I kind of saw this shift. And I don't know if y'all saw it as well in your, in your roles and in your careers, but I saw this shift of one side or the other during COVID when so many of us were at home. I saw one group of professionals that were going, oh my gosh, I hate this, I hate being at home, I can't wait to be back with my students or my people or whatever. I love what I do. It almost reignited them to get back to where they were. And so when they came back to work, it was like, thank God. And then I saw this other group that was going, wow, now that I've been away from what I've been doing, I didn't realize how it unhappy I was. I don't think I want to go back. And it was kind of this, these two different groups. And so we lost so many great people in different fields when they were at home going, I don't want to go back. So my question, I'm always the questioner as a behavior analyst, I analyze everything to death. I wanted to know, why didn't you want to go back? What were the things that kept you from going back? Was it, you know, your boss? Was it administration? Was it, you know, the work climate? Was it the amount of work? Was it, you know, what are those things that keep us unhappy in what we're doing? And again, it started with, you know, school and teachers and things like that, and it just kind of grew from there because, you know, we spend so much of our lives at work. And even if, you know, some of our moms are not working full-time, their work at home and what they're doing at home is their job. How are they sustaining that happiness? Where do we go from things that we have to do to things that we want to do? And, you know, all of those variables. So a lot of layers, a lot of layers.

Yeah.

Definitely.

And I don't have all the answers either. I definitely don't have all the answers, but I sure do ask a lot of questions and try to help when I can.

So, Anissa, what are some tips that you always say if you— let's say you found moms coming out of COVID like, for example, my field of work, I was extremely busy. I don't think I got up from my desk for 2 years. It felt like it was so intense and busy on top of that. Having to help virtual learn for half of that time with kids, that was difficult. I don't know how people homeschool. I had a really hard time with it and trying to work at the same time. It was really difficult. So for those of us that have felt not motivated and maybe— like, I loved being in the office and working with people. And when I went back, tried to get in the office, obviously a lot of people didn't. They wanted to work from home. And I miss that collaboration with people. So feeling unmotivated sometimes. So what are some tips you could give our working moms that might feel not motivated in their careers right now?

Yeah, I would look to see— one of the things that I recommend is going back to looking at whatever your job is right now. Go way back to when you first started. What drew you to applying for that job in the first place? And when you applied for that job in the first place, what, you know, make a list of like your top 3. When you started there, what were the top 3 attractions that got you to that position? And are those top 3 attractions still there? Because if the dynamics have changed so much, it doesn't mean you just up and, you know, up and quit. Okay, these things are not there. But if they've changed and evolved, have you evolved with them? And if, for example, the climate has changed since after COVID.

Yeah.

And say your office looks differently because some people are still working at home and you're back at the office and, and you might be a people person like me and it just doesn't feel the same. Are you surrounding yourself? Are you changing your climate, changing your environment? Again, we're talking about, you know, changing behavior through changing your environment. Are you changing your environment by adding different things that make you happy? One of the easiest things I tell people to change their mood, to change their attitude on a day-to-day basis, you know, we can't just— we hear a lot about things like self-care. Oh, we have to self-care. Yes, we do. We do. However, we can't just go like once a month and get a massage and think everything is great. We have to do like day-to-day little things to sustain our passion and to sustain us in our jobs as a mom, as a parent, as a worker. And so one of the easiest things I tell people is to surround your office, your home office, your room, whatever, your visor on your car with things that make you happy. It could be something as simple as— I have a picture. Again, my daughter's like almost 16. But I have a picture right here of her when she's like 2 years old, and I keep it right here in front of me. And yes, we all have pictures on our desk, but do we have it within view to where we're purposely going? I'm going to take a deep breath and I'm going to look at a focal point that brings a smile to my face. When we go out and buy pictures for our offices, for our home, for our home office. You know, 100 years ago we bought actual pictures. Now we buy words, right? We buy pictures of words that say like love and gather and things like that. Why do we do that? We buy pictures of words. Why the heck do we do that? We do that because we were drawn to that word. It's a positive word, right? It evokes an emotion for us. You know, we don't buy pictures that say, you know, better luck next time. You know, we buy pictures that say like, live, laugh, love, or something that creates an emotion. But when we buy those things, we have to place them in an area where we can look at them every day and take that 60 seconds to take a breath and go, I was drawn to that. I'm going to go back to that feeling that I had when I first purchased that. And evoke that feeling again, just like when I first applied for that job and I had that feeling again. And if you're not sustaining that same feeling that you had in the job that you're at now, you have to kind of make some decisions. Can I surround myself with new things that evoke those same good feelings? Can I find different passions by doing something differently or by surrounding myself with comfort Or by, you know, challenging myself in different ways in the same job but doing it differently? Or do I need to maybe look at different changes?

So now, is, is that like psychological part of it? Is that something that you work through with your clients? I mean, you're obviously advising them on how to do that stuff, but do you almost like a therapist type situation where you might sort of have them look at those things and then verbally kind of go over what they think and that kind of thing? I imagine you get to be sort of close with your clients. Um, even in other industries like mine being in real estate, we end up doing a little bit of therapy and stuff too sometimes.

Yeah.

So I wonder if you sort of help them rationalize, you know, and work through that.

Yeah, yeah, definitely. So, you know, behavior analysis is again more of an external therapy. We are therapists, but it's definitely more of an external therapy. We want to— we look at things like, again, what is surrounding you, um, what are things that you can manipulate within your environment that cause different behavior outcomes. So like, I'm not going to sit with you and go, you know, how did you feel when you were 5 years old when you had that fight with your mom? You know, we don't do that. I look at things like, okay, when you are taking that, you know, you tell me every morning that when you go to work you feel upset. Tell me when you start to feel upset and if the the person says, you know, every day I pass by this certain place and it reminds me of something. Okay, well, maybe we need to take a different route. You still need to get from point A to point B, but if this specific thing in the environment is causing you to feel this way, let's take a different route or let's pair that place with something else that makes you feel better. It's almost like, this again is simplifying it, but it's almost like the whole thing where when you're trying to get your kiddo to eat a vegetable and you have to pair it with, if you eat your broccoli, you can have a cookie for dessert. We do a lot of things like, or I do a lot of things where we might pair, you know, first do something maybe unpreferred, but then you need to follow it up with something highly preferred because you've worked through something that might be, you know, non-desirable. To then get to the desirable stuff. So tolerating things like that, but again, it's very external. You know, we're looking at motivation from an external standpoint, looking at work from an external standpoint. What can we do to change things? And what can you do on your own? It's, you know, kind of a little bit like career coaching at times. Organization and behavior management type of things. But then other times, again, sometimes that's part of my day, and other days it's strictly kiddo stuff and, and educator stuff and that whole relationship. And sometimes it's a, it's a trifecta of educators, kiddos, and parents trying to work together on a really challenging situation, because sometimes it takes everybody. Um, but it always comes out. It always comes out. So I love it. Very different.

Yeah, it's because it's different for you every day. It seems like obviously each person's gonna have something different, so it's, it's like a new, a new job every day. Um, when you and I had spoke, you had talked about, you know, that there might be some stuff that you can share with our moms. Like, sometimes since with COVID I feel like my boys were They're young teenagers. I have one who's 15 and one who's 13 now. Going back to school was a big thing for them. They wanted to be with their friends. They motivated, but there's some kids out there who aren't motivated for school. And as a working mom, you're juggling a whole lot of different things, right? So are there some tips that if you have a student who did well, but maybe he's not as motivated as they used to be with school that we can help them, you know, you know, love learning again?

Yes, yes, absolutely. And that's such a great question because again, we, we are dealing with students now that we did not see the same challenges pre-COVID. We just didn't. Every single school district and an educational agency that I'm working with are saying the same thing, whether it's a big school district, a small school district, whether it's up north, down south. Doesn't matter. We are seeing this kind of general lack of motivation. And so much happened, I think, during COVID just being at home. We also saw— so one of my other areas, I'm licensed in technology addiction for children and adolescents, and we saw a huge rise in that over COVID. Because, you know, it was hard. It was hard for parents to try to work and virtually, you know, help their kids with teaching. And a lot of times the virtual teaching didn't last all day. It was like, okay, you have just a few things to do and then, okay, you're on your own the rest of the day. And the parents were like, okay, you're going to have to self-occupy because I've got an 8-hour workday or a 10-hour workday.

Yeah.

So it was just kind of this natural thing that occurred where our kids were getting more and more on devices. But in turn, what happened is when they were coming back to school, we saw a decrease in social skills, we saw a decrease in problem solving, because when you're on a device, it's very kind of one-sided. You know, if you have a problem in a game, you can just turn it off. If you have a, you know, you could restart it. If you have a problem with talking with someone on a game, you can cut them off. You can't do that in real life. And so when kids are coming back and they're less motivated, you know, there's not a shutoff switch. If there's a problem at school, there's not a shutoff switch. So it's, it's hard. So one of the things I encourage parents to do is, first of all, especially if they're like in high school, really try to find out what they are interested in after high school, because if they're not motivated to go to high school right now, then they're already thinking about, I don't wanna be in school. So really have good conversations about what do you wanna do after school? Okay, I know you don't wanna be in school now, but what do you see yourself doing after school? Okay, so let's lay out the plan of all the things that you might have to do to do that. Okay, you wanna go work in a veterinarian's office? You wanna work with animals? Let's look up and see what some of the requirements are for that. And let's just take it class by class. And writing things out, writing out a plan, and not just writing out expectations, but almost writing out like a vision, because motivation does not happen without expectation and vision and anticipation and being excited about something. You know, if you've got a kiddo that doesn't want to go to class and they're failing stuff and they're not interested in certain things, maybe because it's hard for them too. You know, we tend to not be interested in things that are hard for us. You know, if you ask me to go take a Russian class and then take a test on it, I'd be like, I'm not doing that because I don't know how to do it. You know, so we have to hone in on those student interests, but we also have to find what's going to motivate them to get through the hard stuff by coming up with like a vision plan. I know you're having to sustain this really hard class, but there's something else coming. Once you get through this, there's something else coming, and let's keep talking about that goal. And again, the visual supports, just like we're buying pictures of the words, making that plan visual. Yeah, putting something up in their room, a poster or something that says, okay, I want to go to vet school and this is why, and having pictures up and having that motivation, doing things like dream boards. Those are things we see a lot like in elementary school, but they kind of drop off by middle and high school. And they don't have to. You know, it's having a visual purpose is super motivating to the brain. It automatically sends those good feeling signals to the brain that can really encourage a kiddo. For other students, you know, if they lack motivation, a lot of times I will encourage parents to talk with those teachers and make sure that there's connections at school. That are aside from just academic connections. You know, for kids that don't really want to go, is that teacher taking that extra step to greet them and say, hey, you know, I heard you're really into Stranger Things. Did you watch that episode last night?

Yeah.

Something that small, that small builds a connection to where at least if a kiddo doesn't want to do the class, they at least are tolerating being at school, because they have a connection with that adult. Because if you don't have a connection, there's not going to be performance either.

So yeah, I love the vision board idea. I never thought about that for, you know, a child to, hey, give them hope. Like, hey, I tell my kids, like, you can do anything hard for a short period of time, right?

That's right.

This particular class is hard. If it's chemistry, it's just one year. You can get through it, right? And then you're done. Let's just get through that. And then at the end, there's a prize at the end.

We're done. Absolutely. It's all about the reinforcement. It's about that paycheck. That's what it is. It's if you do this, this is a paycheck that will happen. If you pass your classes, you don't have to go to high school anymore. Just pass so you can get out. You know?

Yeah, that does work.

I know that we have, um, and I wonder if you just have any advice about this. So we went through the same issues with COVID and that kind of thing, um, And my, um, my oldest daughter, she was right at the end of second grade going into third grade, and that's when kind of like a lot of big like math stuff happens. And so she struggles now. We homeschool now, um, to try to get them caught up a little bit, and actually that's going well. But, um, I just, you know, she has in her mind like that she's just not good at math. She's just not good at it because she struggled with it so much and kind of really didn't get the fundamentals. I wonder if you have any advice for children who already have that kind of negative mindset and how to get out of something like that.

Yeah, absolutely. So, you know, in education we call that a fixed mindset, and really that's not even an educational term anymore. I use that all the time in my motivational sessions. A fixed mindset is where, you know, we think we can't do anymore, or sometimes we hear that negative self-talk even with our little ones, like I'm stupid, I'm never gonna get this, everybody, you know, and we always promote a growth mindset. Okay, I don't have this yet. So some of the things, these are simple techniques, you know, I really like to offer simple things because if it's simple, we're gonna do it. If it's really complex and hard, we're not gonna do it, we're not gonna have time to do it or we're gonna forget how to do it. So offering things like extension sentences. So if you hear your child say something like, "I hate math." You teach like that she's not finished with the sentence yet, like, "You hate math now, but when we go to Chuck E. Cheese, you're really good at counting the coins." You know, finding something that makes a connection to her, or, "Gosh, I hate you know, or, or, um, I don't like it when this happens. Well, you don't like it when this happens, but the good news is you have another chance tomorrow. So it's almost like you're teaching, um, because if they have that sentence, that's that fixed mindset of I hate this, period. I don't like this, period. I'm stupid, period. You're taking the period off and helping them kind of extend the sentence. That does two things. First of all, it gives them something else to go on. It gives them that extension, but it also doesn't undermine their feelings. You know, we don't want to tell a kiddo, "Oh, don't say that," because they still have the feeling. You know, we're not gonna— we want to honor feelings but still make them feel good.

Yeah, that's— and that's— I feel like that's usually my initial reaction is like, "Oh my gosh, don't say that." You know, like, that's not true. You know, you're not bad at math, you're not this, you're not this. But you're right, she feels like she is because either she was told by some adult that she was at some point in her schooling life, or she just saw a pattern where it was like, hey, my grades weren't that good, and so I must be bad at this, you know. And so I love that sort of just saying like, okay, but also this, like, you know. And yeah, continuing on, I would have never— I feel like so much of parenting is trying to be cognizant of what you're doing outwardly, what you're saying outwardly. And sometimes it's really hard to—

it is—

it's all of that all of the time.

And it is, it is.

And so I really do feel like I'm gonna try to implement that when, you know— and she's not the only— I mean, I have a couple of other kids too that are like, oh, I don't want to do this, or I don't want to, you know. And so everyone— I mean, everyone's kids do that kind of stuff.

And so now I do too.

I'm gonna say, hey, you know what, that's fine, but this Yeah.

And it's not wrong to tell a kiddo, I don't want you to feel that way. That makes me sad when you say that you're stupid because you're not stupid. I mean, I would definitely tell a kid that you're not stupid. But if they say, for example, if I hear a kiddo say, math is so stupid, I just never want to do it again. And if I hear somebody say, Well, don't you say that. You can't say that. They're still upset. You know, we've got to let our kids have their feelings. Our job is to not take away feelings. Our job is to change how they react to feelings, you know, how they respond. And if we can change that mindset and kind of have that growth mindset. As far as math, like going back to specific subjects, because growing up math was really hard for me too. And here I'm a behavior analyst, I could take data and stuff like that, but math was not my thing at all. Um, you know, sometimes finding some kind of a connection that they can relate to. So again, if y'all go to Chuck E. Cheese— I mean, of course she's— well, she's second grade, right? Going to Chuck E. Cheese, and when you do the coins, and if they're doing coins, kind of slip something out like, look at you doing all that math, look at you, Miss Math, or, you know, kind of start labeling point out things as you see something. If she is doing something on the iPad that's, that's math-related, even if she doesn't think it's math-related, you can slip that in. And because the more we point out things, then they'll start to recognize and make those connections. Hey, wait a minute, that is math. It might not be what I was learning in my classroom that was ticking me off, but it is a different type of math, you know. So sometimes we have to— again, looking at behavior analysis, one of the things too is the, is the power of reinforcement. So not just like redirecting when a kiddo is doing it wrong, but when they are doing something right, when they are doing something new, making sure that we're paychecking them through that positive praise, that positive reinforcement, you know, that so valuable because that's what sustains us. We would never work at a job all day long for a whole month without getting some kind of feedback like, that was great, that was a great report, or I love how you talked to so-and-so about that. If we went months and months without getting any feedback, I mean, wouldn't that drive you bonkers?

It does.

Seriously, I'd be like, hello, how am I doing? So our kids, you know, and their little brains are still developing and their little frontal lobes are still developing, they need it so much more. They need it so much often. They have to know when they're doing it right. So sometimes being a little bit extra obvious about, oh, you're doing the math and look at that. And again, some of those extension types of sentences to to build that growth is good. It's good.

I've always loved math. I love math.

We're going to call you. We're going to call you Marie.

I've always done math and my job is math. So with the boys, I've always told them, hey, there's math in everything. I learned to look at it as a big puzzle. I like puzzles and that's what math is to me. So that's what I do. And it's, I teach the boys that it's a way, it's not so much the numbers, it's how it's making your brain work. And they kind of look at it a little differently. But I know across the board in talking with educators and administration through the private sector, public schools, even homeschool, math has just been the thing that really affected because of COVID across the board. So everybody's working on it and she'll get it. Emma's going to get it.

Yes, she will. She will.

No, I know she will. I'm, I am not a math person at all, so her and I relate a lot, you know. Um, and I mean, I've told Marie this in the past, you know, when she gets real down on herself and stuff, I, I'm the first one to be like, you know what, calculators exist. I'm not going to tell you they don't, you know. You know, they do, they, they exist. So if this isn't like the end-all be-all, you know. And so I've just, um, and we've had conversations about this, for me, like, her little self-esteem is so much more important than her being able to reduce a fraction or do whatever.

Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely. So I was observing a student the other day in a galaxy far, far away, so I can't say for confidentiality, but this kiddo was really struggling. He had a disability and he was really, really struggling with a concept, and the teacher was, was really needing to go over and over, "That's not quite right." They were doing coins and he was like, "That's not quite right, let's keep going." But what I loved was that this little guy kept getting the wrong answer, but his attitude was so good and his kind of stick-to-it-ness was so good. He kept persevering and he would take that correction and he kept going. And it's skills like that, that, you know, if you can keep trying and keep persevering, even if you're getting the wrong answer, if you're still trying to go through and and work with a teacher or work with your parent or to, to keep going, that deserves a lot of praise. That is—

that's a win right there.

It is, it is, because I think there's so many other times where when things get tough, you know, we shut down, um, because it's tough. It's really tough. But so when you see your child that's dealing with something that's challenging and they're still trying, they haven't thrown the tantrum yet, they haven't had the tears yet, just kind of take a little break and say, you know what, I know this is getting really tough, but I, I'm really glad you're trying. I'm really glad you're trying. You, you are showing me how hard you're working just by sticking with this.

No, I love that. I love acknowledging that it's the journey a lot of times where you learn the most. Yeah, it's not always the, the end, the end part. Um, and it's hard. I have my, my youngest will Kama actually came to me the other day and he says, Mom, I'm frustrated with myself. And he actually used that. I was like, okay, great. And I said, why are you frustrated with yourself? He goes, I can't. He's having a hard time focusing. Or he's like, I was going to the bathroom and then I wanted to go play basketball and then I forgot to go to the bathroom. And then I went out. It was so random. He goes, but I'm doing that in school. So is there any tips or tricks you can give to parents who have like some— And I do think a lot of it has to do with, uh, technology. He, he, he, he's, he's young. He got, he got his first phone this year and he, you know, loves his YouTube and he loves his, his, his phone and the earbuds all the time. I'm like, okay, you need to focus on what you're doing at the time you're doing it. And so you have so much going on in your head that you're doing that and you're not focused on what you're doing at that moment. Um, so because, and I do really feel a lot of it has to do with technology that where his focus has kind of been all over the place. Have you seen that in you with your clients or that you—

Yes, 100%. 100%. And there was actually a big study that came out in February. If I find it, I can send it to y'all if you want to put it in the link. But there was a big study that came out in February that talked about um, TikTok and just the short— the brevity of each reel and how when our kids are looking at, you know, the brevity of each reel, the shortness, and they get to where they're scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, um, then they— then their, their attention span gets shorter and shorter because they're not sitting and watching like a duration of like a 30-minute show. They're scrolling, you know, and it might not just be TikTok. It could be, you know, an Instagram reel that's like 30 seconds or 1 minute. You know, things are getting shorter and shorter.

So even adults do that.

Yeah, right, right.

That's what I was gonna say. I feel like that's happening to me.

It is, it is. It's happening to all of us because this is society, you know. This is how, this is how social media is going. And, you know, for, for us that are older, And we have very developed brains and frontal lobes, and we, we can problem solve, and we, we have those functioning skills where we can scroll through, look and look and look, and handle things, and then we put it away because we know we have other things to do, because we can plan what we're doing. Our kids are still developing those executive functioning skills, and so they'll look at something, they scroll and they scroll and they scroll, and then it's like Oh my gosh, I didn't realize it's 7 o'clock and I was supposed to have dinner. And you know, it's challenging for them to do things like time management and all that. And then when they've got those things, it just kind of adds to the problem. And it doesn't mean, you know, parents that are listening, you have to go no TikTok and no Instagram. We got to be realistic. This is where our life is. However, another little tidbit is doing things like having timers for social media and saying, you know what, I know, you know, as soon as you get done with your homework, if you want to get on your tablet or your phone for a while, but I'm just going to set a timer. And you know that again, that's something we do with a lot of our younger kids, but our older kids are the ones that are on it for a long time. So setting a timer for like 30 minutes, let them check their stuff, but then have them take a brain break. It's not a punishment, but just say, okay, when the timer goes off, just take a brain break, just unplug for a little bit because that's going to help with that focus. Have them take a break from the technology, get up, walk around, focus on something else, whether it's going in the kitchen and helping you cook, something that has a process outcome. I'm starting to cook, I have to do this and this and this, and then we have a finished outcome. You know, things like that. Uh, but there's got to be some brain breaks in between.

I had tied it to like the quick gratification type thing. Like, I get frustrated. Like, I, I've, um, there's a, there's a, a influencer, I guess, on Instagram that I enjoy watching, and I get mad when her reel ends. I, I'm like, she's not done. Like, the story— like, I get so frustrated. I feel like there should be more, but like, it's on, it's on to the next thing. We're on to the next thing.

Right.

And yeah, so I get kind of frustrated, but I was actually reading something where that's kind of how we are right now with our lives, that we want 2 minutes and done, 2 minutes and done. And not everything works that way.

So absolutely, absolutely. And, you know, some of that is our attention span and some of that is, you know, algorithms and things with our social media where if influencers are trying to increase their, um, visibility, they'll do these little kind of teasers. They're like little teasers, like you do movie teasers, because then it leaves us wanting more, and then we go and subscribe to their channel, and then they can, um— so there's actually a lot of business sense behind it. And, you know, I've been studying the different algorithms of, of some of the social media things, and I'm like, wow, so that's why they do what they do. Like, there's actually a whole lot of planning involved in this. But Marie, you're exactly right when it goes back to things like delayed gratification.

You know, our kids want it now.

They want to find about now.

Um, you know, they— I, I tell people this in my seminars— kids don't even watch TV like they did when we were younger. You know, we watched a show and then we had to wait till the following Thursday to see what happened.

Yeah.

Oh, they watch a show and it's like, okay, I'm gonna stream the next one right afterwards. You know, they don't have to wait. And so then when we see our kids going into classrooms and things like that, um, and they have to wait for learning maybe the next step. Sometimes the patience is not as there, is not as fluid.

Yeah, I'm gonna sound crazy, but I liked having the delay. Like, I started— I'm a big Game of Thrones, House of the Dragon fan.

So you want to watch right away.

Yeah, but I didn't get on the bandwagon really soon, so I binge-watched quite a few seasons when I first started to watch it. I actually might This was a long time ago. And but then I enjoyed having— I was looking forward to the Sunday evening quiet time to have and watch the show. Yeah. And I don't— yeah, I'm not a fan of Benjin just because I'm like, what happened? Did I doze off? Like, I have to go back and rewatch stuff. Yeah. Because I start to lose attention. But even though I really, really like it. So we started watching shows, old shows like Friends and, and, you know, Big Bang Theory or something like that.

Yeah.

And on Hulu, sometimes if you watch it live, they'll have commercials, and Aaron goes, why do they keep interrupting the show?

I know, I know. Kids are like, what are these? Who are these advertisers? What are you talking about? Yeah, I know, I know. But yeah, kind of going back to, to kind of summarize your, your question again, you know, if kids are, are kind of, if their attention is drawn in lots of different directions, there's so many little things to do. You know, first of all, they can do, um, you know, they can do little reminders on their cell phone, especially if they've got multiple things to do in one day. Grab that cell phone because it does more than TikTok, and do a little, you know, do a little reminder app. I use the notes page in my phone all the time. I go to the notes list and I do my notes in there. And it just keeps a kiddo on track. If they are getting up to go to the bathroom, but then they get distracted, sometimes if they already are aware of that, if they're standing up to go to the bathroom, they just need to start doing that mantra in their head, going to the bathroom, going to the bathroom, going to the bathroom, you know, things like that. But I think we're just moving so fast. So fast all the time, and our attention is split so many different ways. For us as adults, I mean, I, I don't know about y'all, but I feel like this all the time, and it's something that I struggle with too. Um, but again, we are the grown-ups that have a little bit better coping skills and better time management, and our kids, um, they're still learning that. So in their defense you know, it's, it's hard for them to, to try to manage all of this without a lot of parent and teacher coaching and help and lists and structure and all that, because they can't do it on their own yet. There's that extension. See, they can't do it on their own yet.

Yet.

Yeah.

Yeah. Well, we can definitely tell that you're passionate about what you do. And so I— we always ask our guests that come on here what is their favorite thing about what they do. And so now I want to know what yours is.

Oh, oh my gosh, that's such a tough question.

I mean, on podcast.

Yeah, I know, I know. Yeah, I got to go on a podcast. I think, I think, you know, working with challenges You know, I love working with challenges, working with, with kids in need and families in need and teachers in need. I like being needed and I like being helpful. I like doing something different every day. I can't give you one thing. Oh my gosh.

I can't.

Yeah, it's hard.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

I love reaching people on a bigger level. I loved, you know, I loved being with the school district and being in the classroom, but now I'm able to just reach people on such a bigger level. I kind of have the best of both worlds. I can still be with districts that I've, I've been with for years and still get to, to do other things that are on a more global scale and kind of just see how the needs of, of kids in the world are changing every year and how I can try to adapt and change with that. I love that. I love it.

I love it.

It's great.

Yeah, no, that's awesome. That's a lot of good reasons, honestly.

Yeah, yeah, you make a big difference. Yeah, yeah.

And I'm sure that— I mean, that must feel amazing, you know. I just love when we get to interview people that truly— I mean, you can really tell that they absolutely love what they're doing.

I know.

Um, so yeah, I mean, I think that's, that's the best. Um, and then lastly, where can our listeners reach you if they want to reach out to you, um, for questions or your services or any of that?

Yes. Okay. Well, of course I have social media. I am on Instagram @anisakladnine. I have a work professional page on Facebook. It's Anissa Moore Educational and Behavioral Consulting. I do have a TikTok. I'm actually not using it too much though. I was doing like little reels for educators, but then I'm finding more and more that educators aren't allowed on TikTok. So I kind of haven't been doing too much on that. But I do have a TikTok. It's under, uh, Anissa Moore. Um, I'm also on Twitter under Anissa Moore BCBA. My website is anissamore.com, A-N-I-S-S-A-M-O-O-R-E.com. And then my email address is anissamorebcba@gmail.com.

Okay, perfect. Yeah, well, I always tell our guests—

make sure I list all of it.

Yeah, we add the contact information into our episode descriptions that way people can kind of click on stuff and it makes everyone's life a little bit easier. Just like you're talking about that instant gratification, they can just click and there you are.

Yeah.

And if you go to my website, it'll give you a link to like my Facebook page and my Twitter and all those things. It'll give you a direct link.

Well, I just wanted to say thank you so much for being a guest. I have found this so informative. Not even, not even just for my kids, but I mean, I feel like I could use this with clients, like just talking, even just observing, um, someone's maybe, like you were saying, their environment and what happened before. Then maybe they, you know, blew up in a situation that they didn't like, or something like that happens, which happens from time to time. It's like, okay, they're maybe not just reacting to this situation, it may be about a little bit more. So, you know, um, like I said, I just feel like you can use that that knowledge in every industry, um, in a number of ways. So I love that. Um, but yeah, thank you, thank you. And, and, um, I just want to also thank our listeners, um, for tuning in. And yeah, that was this episode, and we will just see you guys next week.

Thank you so much for having me. I enjoyed it. Thanks so much for tuning in to the Working Moms of San Antonio podcast. Be sure to follow us on social media at our respective Instagram accounts or join our Working Moms of San Antonio Facebook group. Those links can be found in our episode description. If you have an episode topic suggestion or question, please email us at office@radisagent.com. And be sure to subscribe to the podcast and leave us a review. See you next week.