Adam Markel explains "accountability rooted in love" as a constructive feedback process (not criticism) aimed at improvement and team results. He presents a three-statement script for giving and receiving feedback: (1) “What worked for me,” (2) “What doesn’t work for me,” and (3) “What could be done differently.” He demonstrates the script with a business example (late contractor deliverables) and a personal example (teen curfew), and frames the approach as honoring people while driving high-performance results.
Chapters
Accountability that's rooted in love is easy. It's feedback. We're going to talk about that in a second. That's what it is. It's feedback. It's not criticism. It's not back to third grade where you got that bad grade and you were afraid to go home and show it to your parents. Or where you were embarrassed in school where you raised your hand and asked a question and a class laugh, or the teacher derided you. It's not that at all. It's about improvement, self improvement and team improvement to win the game. Does that make sense? Rooted in love versus rooted in judgment. So, feedback, I want to share with you in the few minutes I've got here what is a very powerful process for giving and receiving feedback. And I want you to, if you can, you can take a picture of the screen. I know we're going to make this available to you as well. And you can write this down and practice it starting today. Feedback about anything. Feedback about the meal. Feedback about somebody that is in your business that's not operating at their optimal best. Whatever it is, these three statements are the key to giving and receiving feedback in a way that honors people. That is rooted in love and not judgment. These are the three statements. What worked for me? You always start with what worked for me. Because too often we understand feedback to mean what? How are we taught to receive feedback? As what? As negative as criticism? Exactly. So here's what worked for me. I'd love to talk to you about this. I've had people that, in our business, we've had contractors that owe us a project, they're late with their project and. And we have to have that uncomfortable conversation. So here's what it looks like. You know, what works for me is we love the quality of your work, your graphic design. We love what you're doing. In fact, we wouldn't even think. Like, we wouldn't want to go anywhere else because we know how much you put into it. We love your team. This is what works for me. What doesn't work for me is that my team is biting their nails all the time about whether they're going to get their deliverables on time. And often we don't. So what does not work for me is that you are late. Even though the quality is so great, it's not on time. That does not work for me. And what could be done differently is what do you think? Be on time, get it done earlier. Because the last thing in the world I want to have to do is ask to Start looking for other people, other businesses that can replace this service. That's the last thing we want to do. So what could be done differently is blank. You know what the kind of feedback we get from that feedback is? Anybody want to guess? How does it feel? Does it feel honoring? Does it feel passive aggressive? No. People thank us. Sometimes. They cry, they're embarrassed, they feel the shame. I can't believe you had to call me to have this conversation. It'll never happen again. People owe you money. Same thing. Doesn't matter what the scenario. You can use this feedback. You can use this with your kids. I remember not long ago when our son, who's up at UC Santa Cruz, he would come home with the car when he was a high school student. You know the time he had to be home with the car is 11 o'. Clock. He shows up at 11:10. Now, most of us we know, kid comes in at 11:10, the curfew is 11. What do we say to ourselves? Close enough. Don't want to have a whole hassle. You know what talking to a teenager can be like? You walk into the room, say, here's the deal. What worked for me is your home. What worked for me is that the car is safe and sound. That you're safe and sound. That you had a great night. Did you have a great night? Fan? Flippantastic. I don't smell anything on you. So you had a great night and you didn't even drink. Wow. Incredible. That works for me. What doesn't work for me is that 11 o' clock is the time I expected you home. That's what we agreed to. And it's 11:10 because guess what? You say nothing, and 11:10 next week becomes what? 11:30? Exactly. And on and on and on. And this is where the line just disappears at some point. And then people start to feel it on the inside. How do I hold this person accountable? So this is a conversation you can have in any context, and it's one that supports the results that you're looking for. HP results are high performance results. You guys want to build this team, build this community, get better results, have the community at large. Look at the work that you're doing. The work of these HOAs as something so important. Like I said at the beginning, the environment that you help to curate and create is so important in all of our lives.
