Adam Markel delivers a short spoken excerpt (from chapter 3 of his book) about confronting fear during major life pivots. He frames fear as a normal human response—especially during change—and presents a five-step practice: 1) take a deep breath, 2) get present and notice the fear, 3) become quiet and continue deep breathing, 4) ask whether the feeling is fear or excitement, and 5) decide whether you will let it stop you. He illustrates the practice with a personal story about transitioning from an 18+ year career as a lawyer and cites an Eleanor Roosevelt quote ('You must do the thing you think you cannot do'). The clip ends with an invitation to comment and continue the conversation.
Chapters
Hey, everybody. Hope you're having an absolutely gorgeous day. It's a beautiful, sunny day here on the West Coast. I don't know where you are at the moment, but I'm sending you sunshine and love, no matter where that is. And I want to just spend a couple of minutes chatting with you about something that is so important because it gets in the way of our fundamental happiness. It gets in the way of my happiness and gets in the way of my peace. And I know it gets in the way of so many people's getting what it is they truly want in life. And that's fear, plain and simple. And I want to read to you from chapter three in this book, and I'll share the name of the book with you later, but I want to just read this part of the book on facing your fear. And I'll start with an amazing quote. So I think this is so cool. You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do. You must do the thing you think you cannot do. Eleanor Roosevelt. So I want to read a process for facing fear. Won't take too much time here, but it's been on my mind mostly in regard to, again, what it is that is at the root of feeling unfulfilled or feeling stuck or even feeling unhappy in so many ways. So this is a process for facing fear. Fear never really goes away. I like to tell students that if you're alive, you feel fear. It's a normal part of the human experience. And nowhere is it more likely to rear its head than in times of change. And we all know that these are massively important times right now, that we are very much, all of us going through a time of change as one community, as one global community. And even in our individual communities and within ourselves, change is everywhere. So although we can't eliminate fear, we can develop a practice to act in the face of it. When I first began to speak to large audiences, it was a daunting prospect. And I used the following practice to help. So I'm sharing with you now my practice that I used when I began to transition to pivot from the work of a lawyer, which I did for more than 18 years in a full time way, and sort of working two jobs simultaneously, 70, 80 hours a week as an attorney. And I was wanting to transition and pivot out of that profession into something that I really was called to do and that was in my heart to do. And it brought up a lot of fear to make that transition. You know, Randy and I had a house and cars and kids, you know, four kids. And I think we had gerbils and goldfish and a lot of other things that we had to feed and take care of. So it was a lot of fear that came up at that point when I was going to make this transition, this pivot. So here's the process. Number one, take a deep breath. So let's all do that together right now, right? We can all take a beautiful deep breath. Wherever you are, whether it's nighttime or it's day, whether it's sunshine or it's raining or it's snowing or it's cold or it's warm, you're inside or outside. Doesn't matter what it is. Just take a deep breath right now, together. Oh, that felt so good. One more time, all together. What a beautiful thing to give. To receive. To receive a breath and to give a breath. Take a deep breath. That's step number one. Step number two, get present. Present with the fear. Notice it, acknowledge it, that it's normal. It doesn't necessarily indicate danger or a threat. That's our old reptilian brain that tells us that when we feel fear that we must either fight or take flight. So it's simply a response to something new. That feeling is a response to something new. So we have that awareness. Number three, become quiet. Continue to breathe deeply. This is essential when we're in a state of fear. Our body is shifting to a fight or flight response and our breathing shifts. And you can help calm the response by simply becoming quiet and breathing deeply. Number four, ask yourself this question. Am I experiencing excitement or fear? You might get into a roller coaster seat, for example, and feel something like fear. But when you buckle up and you go for it, you realize it's more excitement than it is fear. So again, the question, is that fear? Fear, or is it excitement? And number five, ask yourself this question, will I let this stop me? I tell a pretty interesting story. It's actually a pretty cool story of a woman who was a business executive and was a diver and a swimmer. And at a certain point, when she decided she wanted to pivot and reinvent herself, change her career, she started to experience certain very unusual anxiety. And I tell the story in full in the book, but I'll give you the short synopsis of it now. Even though she was a very experienced person around the water, every time she would go near the water, she would feel an anxiety attack coming on to the point where some of the things that she used to love to do, which was to go cliff diving and diving in pools in South America and things like that, she could no longer do those things because of that anxiety. But at some point, through a very dramatic series of events, she was faced with herself. She came face to face with her own fear, and she had to ask herself this question. Will I let this stop me? So will I allow this normal feeling, this normal feeling of fear, or this normal feeling of excitement that's disguised as fear, stop me from moving forward and learning? That's the question. So the magic of this process is that it turns a largely unconscious process, the fear response, that reptilian response, into a conscious choice. When you begin to assess your choices in a conscious way, more often than not, you will make leaps and bounds in your ability not to remove fear, not to remove fear, but to simply be able to act in the face of it. And every time you do act, you learn, you get feedback. You might be rejected by a love interest, you might fail at a business. You might be rejected by a man, a woman, a publisher, an investor, a prospect, your partners even. But if you consciously acknowledge what you're facing and acknowledge your own strength, you'll be able to move forward. And this is the last thing I want to say on this, and it's more of a reminder than it is anything else, because you know this already. You were built from stronger stuff than you realize. You're built from the DNA of people who've adapted and who acted in the face of fear. You come from a lineage of warriors. All you need to do is take the time to consciously tap into that legacy. That is a process for facing your fear. It's been beautiful just to spend a little time breathing, hanging out with you. So lots of love. I would love it if you would comment below on anything that, you know this talk might have stirred up for you. Sometimes just talking about fear stirs things up. And so it's a perfect opportunity to be vulnerable and share your thoughts with us, with our community, and be able to receive feedback and receive even some support. So if you have questions or comments, please leave them. And again, I want to say, as it says in the pool, there's a ball floating in the pool. It says, love. Sending you lots and lots of love. I hope you've enjoyed Pivot. I'll keep sharing some segments of the book and hopefully we'll continue the conversation because our world is very much in need of some positive change, some positive pivoting, and we're all the people that can make that happen, alright?
