Get This Moment Right: A SOLOCAST For The Year-End And New-Year Transition

Life happens, and not always the way we expect it to. Every single day we face change, stress and uncertainty. What if you could learn to thrive no matter what life throws your way? Resilience expert Adam Markell and his inspiring guests explore breakthrough strategies to fully embrace change and build the resilience required to become change.

Proof. Hey everybody. Welcome back to another episode of the Change Proof podcast. I'm your host, Adam Markell and this is going to be my year end podcast slash start of the brand new year podcast. So if you're in that mode, thinking about what 2023 was all about, thinking about what lies ahead, well, then this is the right, this is the right conversation for you today. It's the right show. And I, I do mean, I hope it's a conversation, as always, that you will interact with me and with our guests in the form of your questions, your comments, your thoughts. They are valuable to us. They are valuable regardless. And I appreciate you whether you do express them to me personally or you express your thoughts to others based on what is catalyzed what, what, what is inspired even by what you hear on this show. And, and so for that, I always think our, our impact is, is what's most important, the ripple effect of this work. The, the, the way in which these conversations translate into some meaningful opportunity for growth and change in your life and in the lives of the people that you care about, people on your teams, the people in your, in your families, the people that you collaborate with regularly. Our world is in, in some interesting state right now. It's, it's, it's almost defies on some level, defies description. I'm not going to try to encapsulate what's going on in our world in a few, in a few trite sentences here. I just want to acknowledge the fact that we're all going through it. We're all in it. And there's good and there's not good and there's the ugly, of course, and, but we're all in it together. That is the one thing that we can, we can say is an absolute objective truth. The world, the world is experiencing all of these things collectively. And whether we think it or not, we are all impacted by everything that is happening. We may not know how and we may not feel it consciously, but, but to be sure, everything that's going on around, whether it's something you are, are directly involved in or not, is something that affects us equally in the sense that we are, we're, we're one humanity. And so for that, I want to start this episode just acknowledging that there, there's a great deal of pain and suffering that is happening. And it's, it's occurring in a variety of different places and a number of different ways. And, and so I want to acknowledge that I want to hold space and have a place in my, in my thinking and in my heart for things to be, to evolve. I think that's the, that is the overall and overarching trajectory of our world. It always is. I'm, I'm not, I'm not a Pollyanna person, but I, I believe that everything is net positive and we can't always see that or understand it. And we may not live to see it even because so much of evolution takes takes place over wide time frames that, that we are not always around for. But that's what I love about history. And in reading history and in, and in living history, what we can see is that no matter how dark the times were, how difficult things appeared to be and were in, in fact, for, for groups of people, what emerges always is, is evolution. What, what emerges is a growing consciousness, a higher level of human connection, understanding. I believe that to be true. It's, it's not always that provable. We might think that we're going backwards and that we've, we've made these mistakes in the past and now we're revisiting them or we're making even greater mistakes. But I think if you look at the entirety of history, I mean, we, we don't know how far history extends in the future. That's an unknown. But we can look back and with some certainty, you know, know how long we've been around as a species. And what we can see is that we are better, we are healthier, we are, are happier, I would say, and, and overall life, life on, on this beautiful blue green planet of ours is better. And I believe that's what's going to continue. It may not always seem like that, but that's what history teaches us, that the future is net positive. There are opportunities. And to some degree, what happens so far out into the future is not exactly our business. I want to say that without implying that we don't have responsibility to our future generations, because I believe that we do. And the things that we do now that will impact people that are yet to be born is our responsibility. But I would say that the way that we can sometimes worry and obsess even about what the future holds steals something vitally important to us. It takes away the present. And I'm not I don't want to get too spiritual in this area right now. I just want to say that to me, we're here to live in the present. I believe that is our number one responsibility is to. To experience all of the. The fruits, the joy, the love, the peace, the prosperity, the connection, the relationships, all of that is what we're here to experience in the present. The future is not guaranteed, it's not promised to me, it's not promised to you or to anyone. And so the best that we can be thinking about, I think, in this moment and as we move into this new year, is to be as present as we can to experience this moment. And frankly, if I was going to really chunk it down to our responsibility and what is feasible for all of us without creating overwhelm and anxiety, we've got plenty of that. We don't need any more of it. To simplify it, if you will, our only true duty is to get this moment right. I'm going to repeat that. Our only real responsibility is to get this moment right. So how do you get this moment right? It begs the question, and it's a perfect segue into what I would love to offer to you as a year end year beginning task, if you will, challenge for sure, game. If you want to gamify it, if you want to think of it that way and make it fun in that respect, I'm going to give you this opportunity to do something at the beginning of this year that is not easy. It's quite remarkable. And if you're able to do it, it's something I want to learn, I want to hear from you, I want. I want to understand more about what it was like for you. But it is about getting this moment right. If we can, if we can do that, get this moment right. What does that mean? Find what you're looking for in this moment. Find gratitude in this moment. Find peace in this moment. Experience what it's like to feel prosperous, rich, even loving, kind, empathetic, as though you belong, belonging in this moment. Find these things that you want, that you may be seeking, that would serve you in this moment. And you can do that. You say, well, okay, that's fine. Easy enough to say it, but so hard to do it. The fact of the matter is that whatever you experience in this moment is your experience of this moment. I personally believe that at the end of our days, whenever that will be, the only thing that we'll have to look back on is our felt experience, what it felt like to be alive throughout our lives. What it felt like to be a human being. And if we spend so much of our experience of living in angs, in, In. In fear, in worry, in anger, angst, anxiety, that's going to be our felt perception of life when, when we get to the end of that road. And to me, for me, what. What I choose to do each day is something I call a code of conduct. Where I. I sit quietly in the morning, usually before I've done much of anything else, and I consider how I wish to experience my life for the day. I consider being the conscious creator, the intentional creator of my own life experience. And I do that by simply stringing together some statements that I often sit and say out loud. And I. When I originally created this code of conduct was many, many years ago, or maybe not many, many years ago, but it was about 15 years ago. And it started with 13 statements that all have the same construction. They're made up of the same format, but they're different, each of them. And the format is the words I experience. And then I leave space for something that I wish to experience, and I fill in the blank by saying what that is. So I experience feeling more empathy for others and expressing more empathy in my conversations with others today. So the construction of that, that statement is I experience blank today. I experience gratitude. Feeling grateful and being grateful today. I experience feeling loved today. I experience. I experience feeling and being healthy, wealthy, and wise today. So that's the construction of this. These statements. And they're gonna. When I first started, I had 13 of them. I called it my code of conduct. I still call it that. And each day when I sit down in a quiet spot, I have this list of them that I had written, written originally back when I, when, when this, this code became a thing for me. And, and often I don't even look at them anymore. I. I just sit quietly and think about what it is that will most serve me in this moment in terms of creating a blueprint for the day ahead. That's why I do it first thing in the morning. Like an architect that creates a blueprint and a drawing, an architectural plan for the house or the building or the construction of something. This is the same principle, you know, people will say when you say things out loud that aren't true, you're lying. And I'm not, you know, I'm not into that, or words to that effect. And I. My response to that is, well, are you saying that an architect is drawing something that is a lie when they create a blueprint for a building that does not yet exist. And then they look at me and go, hmm, I feel like you're tricking me, right? Because the answer to the question, of course, is no, it's not a lie any more than it is a lie for you or I to sit quietly or to say something wherever we are, whether it's quiet or not, that we intend, that we would like to manifest as truth that is not yet apparent. That is no more a lie than the architect drawing something that does not yet exist. And conversely, you would never think to build a house, build some, construct some building without a plan. You wouldn't say, well, just, you know, deliver the wood, get the nails and the hammers and, you know, people to. To, you know, do that. Just all show up one day and we'll build something that would be a poor way to go about constructing a beautiful home or. Or something else that you want it to be, to fulfill a purpose and to last, to have longevity. So my feeling is that if you want to have the kind of life you want, the kind of relationships, the kind of health, the kind of business, the kind of success in your career, why not think of it in those terms? Think of it as an architect would think of constructing those things. And to me, there's no better method that I have found to construct that life that I want than to have this code of conduct that I check in with in the morning. I sit quietly for five or ten minutes to think about how it is I want to experience that day, what I wish to experience in regard to my meetings, my calls, my interactions, all of it. And then if you want to do double duty, which is kind of a cool thing to do as well, you can check in at night before you go to bed and think about, how did I experience my. My day? How did I experience those conversations with others? How did I experience myself? How did I experience the world around me through all of my interactions and through the media and through the things that we're consuming. And that will give you a good indication of how that day went for you in comparison to that code, your code, potentially. And then it gives you great insight, great feedback. Because if. If, let's say you set out in the morning through that code, that statement, I experience living peacefully today. And you. You found yourself agitated and angry, and maybe you blew up at somebody you lost your patience with, someone on your team or some stranger or somebody in the, you know, in the car, whatever it might be, you know, that evening when you're checking in with that statement that you made that was on your blueprint for the day, your code of conduct. And you said, no, I, I, I didn't experience living peacefully today. I, I actually lived angrily today or anxiously today. Then what's good about that is it gives you an opportunity to check in and go, why was that? And for tomorrow, if you're going to again say that I experience living peacefully today having had the feedback from the prior day, maybe you pause before you say something, before you react to something. Maybe you take a breath in that moment instead of just speaking or glaring at someone or doing something else. You know, it's just a wonderful bookend practice that you can do in the morning and if you choose, you can do it in the evening that I call my code of conduct. So I thought I'd share that with you because you know, in my work as a keynote speaker in running an organization called Work well, where we are committed to working at a deep and deeper level with organizations that wish to create cultures of well being in the full sense of what that means that we're, we're helping people at work to be their best. And we always want to crush it, right? That's the purpose of business, to crush it. But our sense is that we want to crush it without crushing our people in the process. You know, that we, we can be the victor without there being a victim. These are the things that I spend my days doing and I am so moved by practical, by what is practical and, and is tangible and what is usable in the pursuit of those goals. Because at an, at an intellectual level we all get that we want to, of course we want people to experience well being and well being in their work and well being outside of their work and all that. And that all makes sense except you know, the angels in the details. How do you actually manifest that? How do you create that? How do you sustain that? How does that become actually a part of a culture at work or elsewhere and elsewhere? You know, these are the, these are the little, the little details. So I figured, you know, at the year end, the beginning of the year, I was going to share some of my rituals for well being with you. That code of conduct is, is my go to every single morning and I'm going to challeng you as well with, with a ritual that, that is a yearly ritual for me that I borrow from EMT Fox who is a, a metaphysician, metaphysical teacher, speaker, leader from many, many years ago. I think he, he died in the 50s, but he was giving lectures to thousands and thousands of people in his Day. And he tremendous, just great common sense in this, in this individual. And I love his writings and, and he came up with this, this concept that I'm going to share with you called the Mental Diet. And this is going to be the challenge to those of you that are willing to take this challenge at the beginning of this brand new 2024, at the beginning of this new year, the Mental diet. And he wrote a little book, it's like a pamphlet really, called the Mental Day, called the Seven Day Mental Diet, to be specific. And the diet is, is simple to be sure, but not easy, not by a long shot. Here's the diet in a nutshell. And you feel free to look up Emmett Fox 7 Day Mental Diet. And it'll be in the show Notes. Of course. You can click on the show notes to get information, including purchasing a copy for, you know, I don't know, eight or ten bucks or something. But the diet is, is, is, is as such, seven days, one week, you refrain from, from any form of negative thinking. I say it again, for an entire week, you simply stop engaging with negative thoughts. Now that might seem. Oh, oh, that's not simple. That's really tough. Well, let me, let me be more specific about what it means to refrain from negative thinking because it does not mean that you do not have negative thoughts because that is impossible. Because as human beings, this is how our brains work. This is how our minds work. We will have negative thoughts. And they are in many ways just like our thinking clouds that pass through the sky. And they temporary. But here's the thing about them. We dwell on them. We have a negative thought, we have a scary thought, we have an angry thought, we have a resentful or an thought, an envious thought or a, you know, a thought of wanting to, to get back at someone, whatever it might be, or thought about ourselves, this insecurity, feeling unworthy, feeling unloved, feeling undeserving, whatever those thoughts are. And we don't just have that passing thought because that would be normal. Those thoughts come and go. It's that we dwell on them. We dwell on them, we sit with them, we ruminate on them, we chew on them. They're like, you know, that unwanted house guest that never leaves, that unwanted house guest that you don't know how to, you don't quite know how to ask them to leave or tell them to go. And it's super uncomfortable. So when we say refrain from negative thinking, we're not saying refrain from having negative thoughts because again, that's not possible. What we're saying is refrain from dwelling on those thoughts. So the task for the seven day mental diet is for seven days starting at the beginning of the year. If you take this challenge or whenever you are, are listening to this and wish to take this challenge at any time during the year, you start the seven day clock and you begin to observe your thinking and notice when you think something that is a negative thought. We know what it's like. You know, it's not a technical definition. You can feel it when something that you're thinking is negative, including when you read something and you begin to think about what it means and you start to think about all, all the things that are wrong and are happening. And, and what I'm suggesting to you is that you simply choose in that moment for seven days only to not dwell in that place, not dwell in that, that lowland of negativity, of anxiousness or anger or resentment or fear. And all of these thoughts are, are clearly fear based thinking thoughts. So that's a simple task. It's, it's, it couldn't be simpler. You just recognize your thought and you say whatever you got to say to yourself, you know, thank you or you know, cancel or whatever. I've heard lots of people different methods for, for replacing their thoughts in that moment, but all you need to really do is go. I'm, I'm not going to engage with this thought. I'm not going to dwell on it. I'm going to tell that unwound, unwanted house guest that is taking up residency inside my head and not paying rent and not contributing anything to go, and they will come back. As we know those thoughts will return. That's okay. For as many times as they come back, you simply do the same thing, shoo them away for the moment. And that's all you have to do for seven days. And I also suggest as part of the, the rules of this campaign is part of the rules of this, this challenge that you don't share with anybody that you're on this diet. This is a private diet. This is not a diet to advertise, to put on Facebook to tell other people, hey, I'm starting this, I'm doing this. You know, if you've gotten through those seven days successfully and some people have for sure, if that happens for you, then then of course you can share the diet with other people and that will be your own ripple effect. That, that will be you helping others to have this experience. If you choose to pick up your negative thinking after seven days, feel free to go back to dwelling in those areas, if those areas of, you know, dwelling in those areas actually are what you wish to do, and if those things feel good for you, my guess is that once you've had this experience, you will not want to go back to that. And moreover, when those moments occur and you don't even realize that by default, you know, sort of falling into that, that way of, of experiencing those things, you, you will you opt out more frequently, maybe not all the time. Again, we're creatures of habit. Some habits, especially habits of thinking, are very difficult to break. So seven days is quite, quite a challenging period of time, believe it or not. But, but after that, you will have learned something that is life changing. It's transformative, and it will help you in every area of your life. It will help you with how you interact with other people, both professionally and personally. It will help you in your health, your mental health at a minimum. But I venture to say it will help in, in just everything, everything that is meaningful, everything that is important to you. So we're moving into this new year. I am optimistic about it. As I said earlier, I am net positive. I live, try to live in that state of net positive and certainly think of the future as net positive, even if we can't see how that's possibly going to become the case. And my own way of, of, of moving toward that, embracing that opportunity and that possibility and that potentiality even is to use my code of conduct that I shared with you earlier to be thinking about how I wish to experience this day and not thinking much beyond that. Because I feel if I can get this moment right, if I can get moment after moment after moment right, if I can get this day right, because I've collected so many moments where I was present and I was experiencing it as I would choose to experience, not as fear would have me experience it, then I'm doing my part, doing my part to make my life, to live my life in the best way I can and to have that impact on as many other people as I am around, including you, including anyone who's listening to this and anyone that I have the great honor and pleasure to meet along the path. With that, I want to wish you all of your heart's desires in this new year. Mostly I want to wish you health and happiness and good fortune and just that you are experiencing your life in the way that you choose to because you've made that conscious choice to do so. With that, I want to say again how much we appreciate you being a part of our community. Our change proof community. Maybe we will run into each other. Maybe we've already run into each other on, on the trail. I do tend to speak all over the world. I get that great honor and it is truly an honor and it is a privilege. So maybe we will meet there. I look forward to that. And, and of course I'd love to hear from you. So if you've got questions for me about any of these practices and rituals, anything to do with the work that you're up to, the culture that you're a part of, we can assist in any way there. You know, those conversations are ones that we welcome and I'm, I'm always open to that. Any comment that you leave, any question is going to be answered by me. We don't, we use AI for a lot of things, but we're not using it for those things. It's going to be a person on the other end of that. So once again, thank you so much. Have a blessed and a beautiful new year. And and for now, I will just say ciao.

Thanks for listening. We hope you now have even more tools and greater insights to build resilience and become change proof. Remember to leave a review on Apple Podcasts and you may be featured in an upcoming episode. For more resilience tips and strategies, including support for building change proof teams, visit AdamMarkel.com to get your own free resilience assessment, go to rankmyresilience.com.