New Year New You – Be Your Own Breakthrough With Lisa Nichols

Welcome to the Conscious Pivot Podcast with international speaker, business mentor, best selling author of Pivot, and your host, Adam Markell. The Conscious Pivot shares the stories and wisdom of people who have successfully reinvented some area of their business and personal life. You'll gain powerful insights into how you can fully embrace new opportunities, increase your performance, and master the art and science of innovation and resilience. So please join Adam as he guides you on your Conscious Pivot.

Welcome back, everybody, to another episode of Pivot Radio. I am. I can't think you guys are already used to this with me. Anyway, I feel blessed. I feel so blessed for so many reasons today. One of the reasons is that I get to share a dear friend with you. I get to have some time to chat. I mean, this is going to be selfish time right here and it's for everybody else's. Everybody else will get a benefit out of it, but nobody before me. And I get to spend some time with a friend as we're all so busy. I hate that word, busy, man, but I can't get around it. Our lives are so active with kids and kids in and out of the house. And we were just chatting just a little bit ago about how we never have an empty house. One leave, one comes back, one leaves. One comes back, one leaves and one new one shows up. Where'd that come from? Is like a revolving door. We have so many beautiful souls just in and out and staying for a while. It seems like everybody from the east coast ends up onboarding. It's like the onboarding process to moving west is that they come to live with the Markels and six months later they get their shit together and then they move out, they launch and all that. But I feel blessed just to be able to breathe. How important it is, how incredible it is in any moment where we have the stillness to be present and to be grateful, we can recognize. I'm recognizing in this moment that I'm taking this slow, deep, lovely breath that there are people all over this planet who are taking their very last breath in this moment. So that makes this moment sacred, Holy. What a blessing. So whatever it is doing right now, as you're watching, as you're listening, maybe just slow down for just a little bit if you drive in the car, you know, just take your foot a little bit off the gas, give somebody else a little space on the road in less of a hurry. What an incredible gift that we give ourselves to sort of slow down from time to time. I remember reading in an Emmet Fox book recently about four rules. I've actually read it over and over for the last eight years. I just keep reading the same things day after day. New day, new reading comes around again. Can't believe a year goes by where I read the same thing. I just read that. I just read that two seconds ago. But meanwhile, it was, it was, you know, December last year, not December this year. And these four rules were, don't hurry, don't worry, don't condemn, don't resent. Four simple rules, easy to remember, not so easy at times to remind ourselves. Don't hurry, don't worry, don't condemn. So I feel so blessed and honored that I get to spend time with you now to breathe our collective breath. Our breath for love, our breath for peace, our breath for harmony, our breath for friendship. And so I get to connect with a divine soul. Dear friend, amazing woman, incredible woman, incredible human. Mom, mother, daughter, business owner, entrepreneur. To call her a speaker is a mild statement of what she does when she gets mic'd up with or without a mic, when she walks into a room. And the energy that she puts out, the light that she emanates, the way her eyes light up and her smile lights up and how she models, she raises that vibration for herself and models it for other people. And therefore they get to see and experience what it's like to raise the energy on the inside, to get more connected to spirit, more connected to the best part of ourselves. And so that's what I absolutely adore most about her. She's a best selling author too many times over the count. She's one of Jack Canfield's partners, did the chicken soup for the African American Soul Abundance now. And she teaches people how to speak, how to own, utilize their authentic voice, their message, to put something out in the world that's, that's meaningful. And she's changed so many lives. So I love the fact that I get to spend time with this lovely lady. Her name is Lisa Nichols. I know most of you have heard of her or seen her on Oprah or Steve Harvey or some other thing. And we've got some exciting news we're going to announce today on this podcast. So without further ado, I'm going to raise up the energy just a little bit as I introduce and just say hello to my dear friend, Lisa Nichols. Hey, how you doing, love?

How are you? I love you. I'm excited to be with you. This is long overdue. Like we run into each other around the world. Like we got to spend time together and so I'm grateful to be here. I'm grateful that you would find my contribution of value enough to share with your tribe. My grandmother would say, when God places you over and in the space where you're leading, teaching, or inspiring people, and then you trust someone else to step into that space with you, that's a big deal. So I don't take this invitation for granted.

And how interesting, too, right? You're in your office right now, your home, beautiful San Diego, which is new home for you, because I know you're in Orange county now. You're gonna be in North County, San Diego. My neighbor.

I'm borrowing some milk or butter or something. Just excuse to see you. Brown sugar. Brown sugar.

I was just saying to Randy, as we were driving home from your holiday party the other night, I said, you know, this is just too cool. I mean, my travel schedule is nuts. Yours is more nuts than mine is these days, I'm sure. But the opportunities for us to get together and just have coffee, have a.

Dinner, watch a sunset, walk on the beach. We walk on the beach.

Good.

Now I get a good five miles in when I walk with you, because I forget we haven't turned around. And we just walk and walk and talk and talk and laugh. And then I realize we gotta get back. So good conversation, good environment, and really good exercise.

Yeah. That day we started out in the meditation garden at the Self realization Fellowship.

We did.

And we got shushed. Do you remember that?

Because me.

I take you there. I didn't even know. It's a silent meditation garden. Hello.

We got in trouble at the meditation garden. We were connecting, bonding, brother, sisterhooding. And they were like, ma', am, sir, can you guys exit stage left? Okay. Bye.

Bye. Yeah, it was one of those moments. So, Lisa, you have some of the best pivot tales of anybody I know. Your pivot stories are epic. So I would love to use this time in this community, people are really used to the fact that we get vulnerable. We get real talk about our. Talk about those things that other people might call frustrations or disappointments or letdowns or failures or whatever. And these are just these opportunities for growth that are so profound that, you know, because I wrote that book and we branded pivot, so I talk about it as pivot. But there's so many ways to describe those inflection points in our lives, those pivotal moments where we come off of a bottom where there's a dip in something in our lives. Maybe it was our energy, maybe it was our health, maybe it was our business. Or something. And then we did something in that moment that changed everything. We learned something, and then we could get moving back up again. So I don't know where we want to start. This doesn't matter. Any place you want at all. And time is permissible, by the way. Right?

Right. There's so many moments, and pivot is the perfect. Is the perfect way to recognize it. Because prior to pivot, there's choice. You know, there's choice because you got to choose to pivot, you know, So I love the power of choice, and I own every single choice I've made. The good, the bad, happy, sad, right, wrong, and everything in between or whatever won't be. Want to label it. I've had a lot of pivot moments that I didn't welcome in. You know, you don't welcome in the Valley, you don't welcome in the dip. You ride it out. You decide what you're going to do in it. And, you know, I have many, I think, what people most know me for. And I don't share this for lack of others. I share this just because it was one of the most pivotal times in my life was when my son was born. And I was always the person who got labeled as, she has a lot of potential. And, Adam, I gotta tell you, that used to drive me crazy, because when people would tell me I had a lot of potential, I'd go, so I could be someone really special in the future. But right now, I'm just like a slacker. Like, potential didn't. It didn't make me feel good in the moment because I heard it so much, but I didn't see any evidence of who I could become. It wasn't matched. And when my son was born, I had to get on government's assistance. And that felt like a rock bottom moment. I was embarrassed. I was ashamed. I got on women, infant and children, Wiccan, free pasta, free butter, free cheese, free milk. And I used to. I remember right around this time, the holiday seasons, I would get in the line to get the free turkey that they would give to parents that qualified. And I remember having this mixture of feelings. I was ashamed, literally ashamed to stand in that line for two hours to get a free turkey. And at the same time, I was incredibly grateful that the line existed so that I could get a free turkey. And I remember standing in line at the government's assistance building, and I asked the woman, can you look at me? I need to tell you something. And she's writing. She goes, no, ma', am, just hurry Up. I said, no, no, no. I need you to look at me because I need to tell. And I need you to see me when I tell you this. And she said, ma', am, I don't have time. And I hit the desk. I need you to look at me. And she looked up, startled. And I said, I just want to tell you that I need some help with food stamps and health insurance so that I can have my baby and be safe. But I'm going to make good of your investment in me, and I won't be here forever. And I don't know if you meet a lot of people who stay on this assistance for a long time, but I just need you to see me when I tell you I'm not gonna be one and I'm gonna do good with the help you've given me, but I don't share that a lot. And I remember she just kind of looked up at me, like, whoa, okay. And then she stopped calling me ma' am and started calling me Ms. Nichols. And I often think about that clerk, and I don't know if she recognizes my name, but that was a moment for me to have to say out loud, this is a moment in time. This is not my life. This is not my sentence. This is not my destiny. This is a moment in time. Similar to the moment when I only had $11.42 in the bank and I didn't have money to buy Jelani Pampers. And I had to wrap him in a towel for two days. And I put my hand on his stomach and I said, jelani. He was only eight months old, so he couldn't understand me, but I needed to hear myself say it again, Jelani. As I had him wrapped in this towel. Don't worry. Mommy will never be here again. I'll never be this broke, and more importantly, I'll never be this broken again. Similar to when I sat in the doctor's office after being physically abused by my former fiance, picked up and thrown three feet across the room, and then choked until I passed out. Sitting in the doctor's office and hearing the doctor tell me, Adam, Ms. Nichols, you are suffering from post traumatic stress disorder and you are clinically depressed. And then reading the prescription, she handed me a prescription, and I read the prescription, and the prescription said, lisa Nichols, Prozac. And I knew what Prozac was, Adam. But I'd never seen my name and Prozac on the same paper. And I looked up at my doctor and said, so are you telling me that I'm sad because I was a motivational speaker at the time. I had just started my career. I was three years in. I'd already gotten a couple of standing ovations. Not me. She said, lisa, you're not just sad, you're really, really, really sad. So I've had some pivots.

What's the connection between the sadness or the disappointment and the opportunity to serve? I mean, there's an old adage that we. That I heard about speaking when I started, and it was that you don't tell a story. You're still bleeding from.

Yes, yes, yes. You don't share value. You still in.

And yet along the way, it's what's real for us at times. Right. I think the part of the problem is that people who do see folks that are motivating others or inspiring or teaching others that somehow they think they don't have problems, they've gotten past them, and now they walk on a different, you know, not on water, but something close to it. Not true. That's just bullshit. Really?

Yeah. People tell me all the time, lisa, oh, my God, I'd love to have your life. I said, watch out. You can't just take chapter 24. You got to take chapter four. You don't get all of it. I tell people I. I am far from perfect. Far, far. I've simply learned how to be at peace with my imperfection. I've learned how to embrace and dance with my fear. I'm not without fear. I'm not without frustration. I'm not without hurt. I've learned how to dance with them. I've learned how to be OK with the bitter parts, because I have bitter parts. I have bitter parts of my life. I'm not a bitter person, but I have bitter parts. When I'm dealing with betrayal or I'm dealing with death, or I'm dealing with. I'm dealing with my own fear storms. I'm dealing with loss. I'm dealing with. And it's. When you ask the question, you know, what lives. Something lives inside of that experience. At the same time, there's a unknowing of the phoenix. The phoenix is the eagle that always rises again. And I would invite anyone looking at this to study the Phoenix and the whole story. The concept of the Phoenix, the Phoenix rising. The phoenix rising is. Is the ego that keeps rising. It doesn't die. It reinvents itself over and over again. I'm the ego that keeps reinventing myself. I think when we live inside a static, it's supposed to be this way. And it's supposed to be this way forever. Those are dangerous terms. So to ask, how do I. How can we teach, learn, love, grow, find the gift that came wrapped in sandpaper? You know, some of the very things, Adam, that, that are the reason I am the way I am and the blessings that I can bring to others, some of the very reasons of that are wrapped in sandpaper. They were ugly moments that in order to rise from it, I had to find my graciousness. I had to find my, my forgiveness. I define forgiveness when I didn't want to forgive. In order to be who I say I want to be, do what I say I want to do. I got to find. I got to find grace with myself. When I want to blame myself and have shame. I got to find the grace to be the Phoenix, to be the ego, to rise again, to give myself one more life. I don't try to give myself 100 more lives. I just give myself one more life. I just do it a hundred times. I just do it a hundred times. I don't have to get up a hundred times. I just have to get up one more time and then do that over and over again, just one more time, over and over again. And so I've been very blessed, just extremely blessed with the way people have loved me and embraced me from when I was on Oprah to being on Larry King to the Today show, to Steve Harvey. Society has just, just responded to me in such a way. I can't even explain to you how grateful I am because I didn't think they'd respond that way. I put all these limiting beliefs. I don't know if they're gonna respond to me. I'm a woman. I'm a black woman. I'm a woman from South Central. I was on government assistance. Like, I had all these reasons why I was in an abusive relationship, all these reasons why people wouldn't love me or wouldn't accept me. I was over £210. You know that for the majority, the first launch of my career, first 15 years, I was over 210 pounds. So I had my obesity issues, my cultural issues, my economic status issues, like everything, every block. And people just kept loving me and kept opening their arms to me. White men and Asian men and white women and Indian women, there was no boundary. And when I asked Adam why, the answer was, people love the truth. No matter how messy it is, they appreciate your truth, your willingness to have the courage to share the not so pretty so that together we can see possibility. It's not in my. It's not. It's not in my now that people fall in love. It's in my telling them what was before. My now. It's just this dance. It's this dance with possibility. It's why we watch Rocky and every time we cheer for, it's like Rocky 19 now, right? And we know Rocky's gonna get knocked down. We know Rocky's gonna believe. We know we gonna wonder is he gonna get up? And then we know Rocky got. He has to get up, you know? And so it's the reason why you can make nine Rockies or however many, because we all know that in us is that little engine that could remember that, you know, you gotta be over 40. Remember the cartoon? The little engine that could. We just kind of keep going. And when we witness that in someone else, it gives us permission to get our ju. Ju. Ju going. And so the beauty is sharing it. Sharing when my engine was slow, sharing when I thought it couldn't make it up the hill, and then sharing as it got a little momentum and then it had to stop again. And to me, there's no glory in sitting on your mountaintop if you don't show me how you have to climb. And what we do, why you're my brother and I'm your sister and this tribe is here, is that we're willing to show ourselves climbing the mountain so the top of the mountain feels better to celebrate together. I know. I just. You know me, I just kind of get excited and I just go, sorry, I hope I answered your question.

There wasn't a question there. There was just a Wondering. Curiosity. Because we all have. I mean, we still have ugly moments, right? Love. I mean, this is the thing. We've got some big impactful stories of things that we suffered through pain that we got through, of challenging times that would take a lot of other people out and could have taken us out. And so on some level, I guess that gives some credibility to standing and saying, hey, this is how I could have gotten taken out. This is what happened. And this is where I ended up. By the grace of God, by the grace of people like you said that love us. Even in those moments when other people run for the hills or betray us or think we suck or whatever it is, right? Or hate on us on social media or wherever. And yet we. We endure and persevere, and then we get to tell that story. And that's of a great value, as you said. And yet what I'm curious about is that everybody understands we still have ugly Moments, still have ugly thoughts, still have those moments. And sometimes for a person who's in the public eye or someone who has some celebrity or has some money, finally has some success, it's almost scarier for folks there because now you have something to protect. I'm a kid from Queens. I grew up in a tiny little apartment, sharing a room with my brother the size of a closet. I mean, when you start with nothing, nothing's what you used to. There's not far, you know, it's not like you can fall very far. But when you build a business, right, when you got people you employ and people depend on you and people follow you and they love you and they want to be inspired by you, 24, seven, that's a whole different weight that you carry on.

If you fail big, you feel like you failed all of them, and you wonder if they're gonna fall. There's this beautiful letter written by Dr. Martin Luther King, and it's not there. It's not publicized often. And I. I published it in Chicken Soup for the African American Soul. And it's a letter, Adam, where he's sitting at his dining room table, and he writes a letter to God. He says, God, I'm tired and I want to quit. I'm scared. I'm scared for my parents. I'm afraid for my wife and for my little daughter. He had only had one child at the time, so when he was assassinated, he had. So after kid number one, he was scared, right? And he said. He said, they're throwing bombs, you know, the pipe bomb. They're throwing them in my window at my home. They're calling and threatening me on the phone. They're hurting my friends. I'm afraid, God, and I want to quit. Then he says, but I'm afraid if I quit, the people's faith will wane, that their faith will begin to waver, and they'll stop because I stop. So God, show me how to keep going with this kind of fear. Oh, when I tell you, every time I read it, I cry because I know exactly. I'm far from Dr. King, and I'm not trying to measure myself to him. Compare, but understanding what it means to feel the fear, feel the hurt, feel the exhaustion. I say, there's a difference between I'm tired and I'm weary. When you're tired, your body's tired. When you're weary, your body and your spirit and your soul is exhausted. To understand that level of weary and to still choose to keep going because you don't want the People's faith to waver. That's what you're talking about. And every time I feel like, oh, man, I can't go any further, I go to that letter. That's. I've never heard anyone in any form of media talk about that letter. Because that letter is not Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. That letter is Martin. That letter.

Martin, the father, the husband. Yeah.

Yes. And so I keep going to that letter for the very reason you just talked about, Ellen, because that letter shows me it's okay to have the feeling that I felt I wanted to show you a picture of where my life is now. This is my son. I hope you can see this. Okay. This is my son as he wipes the tears of his girlfriend who just this weekend had to shave her head because she's battling cancer. And this is me watching my child be a stand for his girlfriend and watching him hurt and watching him stand by her side as she shaves her head and me in the background praying the prayer. As a mother, give me strength to hold him and to hold the people and to hold the business. And so I so know what you're talking about. Sorry I got excited, but you just. You're speaking the language of what I deal with on a daily basis.

I hope it's okay if I share this. Just your beautiful son. How many days in a row or how many days out of the 30 days has he spent sleeping in the hospital?

28. 28 days out of 30 days. He only left for two days because her best friend flew in from Washington and slept there for two days, but he slept in the hospital. He never went home. He rode with her in the ambulance 28 days, 30 days ago and didn't even have his car because he wouldn't leave the hospital to get his car. I went to Target, had to buy him underclothes and T shirts and pajamas and house shoes and everything you could need when you're not planning to leave. He slept in a Recliner chair for 28 days.

That's a proud momma moment, right? To know that that's. That's your boy and that's. You don't. You don't teach a child. I mean, you don't tell a child and you don't with words. Teach a child to show up that way as a human being. Right? This is your words. I'm reflecting back to you now, sweetheart. You model it, right? He could show up that way because he's seen it in his. In his grandma and his.

I couldn't be prouder of Being the stand watching her hair come on. And he went up to her and he rubbed her head, her bald head, and he said, wow, I didn't think you can get any more beautiful. In that moment. I actually didn't cry as a mother. I cried as a woman of having to shave my head. And what I would want the man that I'm in love with to say first, the first words out of his mouth, because I didn't think you could be any more beautiful. I was crying as a woman, you know, forget mom for a minute. I was like, man, I'd love to hear that if I was in, you know, this predicament. So. So to your point, we are going through our own things as well. We're mustering up the courage to look strong in front of our kids, you know, to smile, to hold other people up when we want to be held, to hold our tears in until we get to our bedroom or till we get to our shower. Just like the other superheroes and super sheroes looking at this podcast, we do the same thing, and then we get up again, and then we believe again, and then we talk ourselves up to our highest level of consciousness, because we know that our situation is a small ingredient and a much bigger plan, that we are layers, like lasagna. We're layers of experience, and we can't look at one layer. We can't look at one ingredient. Ricotta by itself probably isn't as great as ricotta with some tomato sauce, with some great pasta, with some great seasoning, with some basil, with some oregano. It's just not the same. I don't eat oregano by itself. I have no desire to. To scoop oregano in my hand and throw it in my mouth. But, man, I love some oregano in my spaghetti or my lasagna in my meatball. So it's the ingredients that make up who we are. And any one ingredient by itself doesn't define us, Adam. It doesn't. That moment in the government's assistance line, it couldn't define me. That moment when you had to make a decision in New York, are you going to still be an attorney? That's a jerk. Are you going to go and serve the planet with your gentleness and your spiritual. You're one of the most beautiful, masculine, conscious, aware, and awake men I know. Like, you have to make a decision to become him. Like that time when you were attorneys and you're fighting and you're inside the court system. That was an ingredient. And in some way, I absolutely know who he was. Then helps me to experience this beautiful soul called my brother now. And yet that wasn't a delicious time for you. But that's an ingredient. That's an ingredient. So everything, everything that we have in our lives is fuel. Nothing is fortress, nothing is designed to stop us. Everything is fuel. Everything is behind us. If you look at it that way, and I'm not talking Pollyanna, I'm not talking woo woo, I'm talking real life. What are you going to do with the ingredients? What are you going to make with it? By itself, cinnamon is gross. By itself, cinnamon is gross. But I made a peach cobbler the other night for that Christmas party that I heard was pretty amazing. I had a lot of cinnamon in it.

Oh, wow. So it's interesting. We talking about kids. This is what's coming up for me. At a certain point, I started to come home with these things that I was learning, and then the things that I got the blessing to share. As you said, we've been able to have access to people in different ways for a bunch of years. And what a blessing that's been. I come home and I would say some things that didn't table whatever with the kids, and they would say, dad, stop training me. Don't train me. I don't want to be trained. This is not a training. We're not in a seminar now stop that. I don't know if you ever heard that exactly, but I heard that. So I think it's so important that it's the actions, it's the things that we model by what we do more. So I'm not saying the things we say aren't important because words are powerful. Words have meaning. Words can be God's words. They go where we aim them, they land where we intend them. They're powerful. And yet at the same time, they have to be congruent actions. And so, yeah, your son shows up that way because he's seen loyalty, he's seen a lot of things from you and from your family that gave him a blueprint for what a good human looks like. So he didn't have to just figure it out all on his own. So, and I'll say this now, you know, this is where I'm curious to know what you do for yourself. Because as we have those times, those moments where. Where the old, like, sort of is like, I was watching Joel Osteen just a little bit last night. He says it's like two people inside of you, this old you, this new you and me want to step forward Right.

I name mine, you name yours. All right.

All right. I'm gonna ask you what the name is in a second. So it's like the old you is. You think it's dead. You think you killed it off. But the old you is not dead. It's always there. So that poor person that broke person, that insecure person, that person that doubts themselves or thinks they're not worthy, or that person that thinks they're a fraud. Like, what if they finally, finally. I don't care. I've been doing this 20 years and they're finally out.

You have a conversation too. Do you have a oh, my God.

And it's that moment when that old person shows up choice. Just like you said to me, that's where prayer comes, and that's where I go to spirit. I go to God for that guidance. Because that old person inside, they show up at the darndest times, right? They show up, and then you go, well, where the heck did you come from? And what am I going to do about you right now? Because you're right in my face.

You're interrupting my blessing. You're interrupting. You're interrupting what I'm up to. You're interrupting where I'm on to next. You're a speed bump. You're making me have to slow down. And you'll become a stop sign if I don't manage the speed bump. So many people didn't manage the speed bump. So the speed bump became a stop sign. The stop sign became a wall. So, yeah, like, when you say that, it's so funny. It was 10 years ago, but like, the time that it screamed the loudest to me, you're a fraud. They're gonna find you out. Was the night before I was going on Oprah. When I tell you, Adam, I couldn't sleep because it was because they called. I read the pre interview and they said, the experts, Lord, why did they call me an expert? Every siren in my head went off because I hadn't considered my. I didn't. You don't self call yourself an expert. Someone else has to call you that first. But I just kept. What if they realized I got issues? What if they realized that I was in an abusive relationship? What if they realized. What if they find out, like, all these things? I was afraid for them to find out. And then, of course, Oprah being Oprah, she actually talks about them with me. Like, yeah, so I heard you were in. And I was like, yeah, you know.

The vulnerability is to cheat. And she knows that. That's the best stuff of everything. Right?

Oh, my God. It was. So, yeah.

There's this ritual that I want to know. Is there a ritual for you, a practice that you do consciously when you hear that little old voice? Now, that voice might get fainter. That voice is less familiar, all that kind of thing. But, you know, it. It's like if somebody from your past called out to you downstairs, like, for me, I grew up in an apartment. It'd be like somebody in the street calling you.

Right, right, right, right.

I would know that person's voice, and I would know exactly what it was. And if it was an old bully, you know, from, like, from fifth grade, I would know that my stomach would turn over and get. Because that person calling me out, I'm gonna go outside and have to defend myself.

Right, right, right, right. Yeah. No, there's. First of all, there's a consciousness that I walk with that. That Lisa, that part of me. And her name is Shantae. And her name is Shantae because that's my middle name. And I used to get bullied by a girl in second grade named Shantae. So I hated my name. So no one ever knew my name up until. Until two years ago. Two years ago is when I finally had enough peace with Lisa to embrace Shantae. And so Shonta is my middle name, and Shantae is scared because she has a learning disability. So I'm functionally dyslexic. I didn't know I was functionally dyslexic until I was in my mid-20s. So I was embarrassed to read in public all my school, all through my school years, and I was embarrassed as an adult to read in public. It's probably why I leaned on speaking, because I thought if I talk enough, they won't let make me read anything. And so I embrace my dyslexia. Now I'm actually a better teacher because I manage my dyslexia. I don't wear it as a label, as a title. It's something I get to dance with. Like everything else I tell people I teach better because I'm dyslexic. I teach forward and backwards. So you have no reason to not get it.

You cover everybody.

I cover everybody. I always say, look, I'm gonna go forward, and I'll go backwards for my sisters and brothers who saw it the other way. And I literally teach 360 just because I teach the way I learn. So it makes me a more thorough teacher. But the concept that I come with Adam to manage that chatter Is that I. And this is the premise. This is the premise. So if there's anything that you walk away with, I believe there's several nuggets in the. In this podcast, but I really recommend you walk away with this. That I give myself permission. I give myself permission to live in a constant state of duality. I'll say it again. I give myself permission to live in a constant state of duality. I'll explain that. I give myself permission to be brilliant, period. I don't minimize her. I don't. Whatever I'm brilliant at my lane, whatever that thing is that I've been blessed to do, I give myself permission to be brilliant at that. I don't shrink it, I don't question it. I don't doubt it. I just embrace the brilliance, whatever that is. At the same time, I give myself permission to be clueless, afraid, uncertainty, at the very same time about that thing over there. So in giving myself permission to live in a constant state of duality, then I step into pphd. Pphd. That because I give myself permission to live in constant duality, there's nothing to prove first P, there's nothing to protect second P, there's nothing for me to hide, and there's nothing for me to defend. Now, like you said at the beginning of our interview, easy said, kind of challenging to do and live in. I'm just saying it's more than just a little statement.

But this is the best part right now.

Man, man, man, man. If you just set the goal, don't look at all the big stuff, how do I live so that there's nothing to prove, nothing to protect, nothing to hide, and nothing to defend. The way you do that is give yourself permission to live in constant duality. Own what you own, know what you know, do well what you do well. And at the same time, be in learning mode, be in mastery, be in acceptance, be in embracing of all those things that are still in formation, that might even be messy. Like, I'm great at creative design and I can be super unorganized. I'm really powerful at transformation. I really struggle at systemics. Anything that just has to stay locked in place, I resist. So I give myself permission to live in this space and manage this. So I live here and I manage this. So because I'm not naturally organized, I literally have things that I need to have a place for everything. I need to have a cubbyhole. I need to have a shelf to manage that.

Can I interrupt you for one second?

Sure.

I want to plus or I think Plusing what you're saying by pointing out the fact that this is where you know in a business, from a business perspective, right? Because we both operate and run businesses and have been in that space a long time time. The place that you manage, right? So this is where you live and this is where you manage this management place where you get to show up as a leader, meaning leader delegates. A leader recognizes one of the great strengths of leadership is to know what you're not good at, what you're not drawn at, what's not your gift. Sometimes knowing what your gift is important and knowing what's not your gift is as important, if not more important. Because when you don't know what's not your gift or not your work to do, you have a blind spot, a massive.

When you try to hide it, when you try to hide the fact that it's not your strength, which is why nothing to prove, nothing protect, nothing to hide, nothing to defend. So when you try to hide that, that's a weak link and that's not necessarily strong. It's okay. Like when I embrace what I'm not, that's not my mastery. It's. It's something that I will manage, but I don't necessarily do it well. The best thing I could do is raise my hand and ask for support. The best thing I can do in leadership is to say, who does that better than me? And personally as well. Personally as well. I just told my nephew this morning, I made him breakfast before school, and I said, nephew, what I do really well is cook. I cook really well. I get people to moan, mmm, it's so good. I. Whether they're doing it to be gracious or they really mean it. I cook well. I'm not a chef. My son is actually a certified chef. So it's all relative. I home cook well. I'm a homegirl home cooker. I do that well. But then I told my nephew, what I don't do well is necessarily clean while I go. That's not my gift. I want everything to be hot. I wanted to. And then when it's hot on the plate, I want to say blessings with you. So I don't know who's going to clean up this kitchen. I just explode the kitchen. I try. I try to wash while I go. I'm blown away at the people who can clean the kitchen immaculately while they go. It's just not my gift. So I asked his support this morning. I said, can you clean while I'm cooking? Because then at the end, I Want my kitchen clean. I do not want a dirty kitchen. I just don't know how to do both. I don't know how to cook an amazing meal, eat it with you, and the kitchen's clean at the end. And so he just looks at me and he said, auntie, I've been living with you for three months and you never asked me to help you in the kitchen. I said, I know. I've been trying to prove that I could do it all and I need to accept that there's nothing to prove. He said, I can help you with. And then it was like it was his assignment. He goes, I've never seen a 17 year old so excited about washing dishes.

Don't do it to get your hands in the dishwater.

Yes.

What a beautiful. That essence of what we don't want to do or what we don't do well is the place where we can ask for support. I love Brene Brown's work because it's all about vulnerability and the strength that comes from that is the ability to serve in the way that we're meant to serve and not have to pretend and hold up and create the energy that's required to hold up the pretense. That pretense is exhausting.

Nothing to protect, nothing to prove, nothing to hide and nothing to defend. If you can live like that, take each one and look at what does owning each concept mean? Mean in your life? All of a sudden you step into a whole new level of freedom, like really freedom, you know, because you can get locked into managing other people's perception of you and that's consuming Adam and that's draining and it's distracting from what the God puts you on the universe for, what the, what the universe needed, what spirit is calling you to do when you're trying to manage other people's perception of you is distracting from what you're supposed to be doing. And so when you can live, pphd nothing to prove, protect, how to defend. All of a sudden you go, now who can I just be? And the way you do that is give yourself permission again to live in that duality. And when you can live in that duality at the same time, and you talked about earlier, when you have more responsibility and you people are watching you, you can get caught up and not living in duality. You think you have to be the expert and you have to be the answer and you have to be the hero or ladies, the shero for everyone and you forget that the cape that you have on has a Velcro Tie around the neck. And the S on your chest is really written in Crayola. When you give yourself permission to wash it off and put it on. And then wash it off and put it on. Put your cape back on every day or take it off whenever you need to wash the Crayola S off your chest. When you give yourself permission to live in that duality. 360. That's 360. That's when you're living 360 experience.

I want to show you something. Look at this.

We look good.

Don't we look good?

Yes, yes.

I look better because I'm sitting right next to you.

Hey, man. I received.

But we had our colors, like, all, like, branded, but we didn't find it.

But Randy had it planned. When she put us there, we didn't even think that Randy's like, yes, take a picture together. Yes.

Oh, by the way, I know there's pictures on your camera of you and Randy, which I want to get.

So.

Way cool. If you could share one lesson. Your dad was there that night. Now your beautiful mom was there too. And we didn't. We didn't run into each other. Well, while I was there for just a little bit, but got to see your dad again. What's one thing that. Because I, you know, have three daughters. Big tall son, Max. You haven't seen Max in a while, but, man, he's 6 3. His first semester of college, right? And when he came home for Thanksgiving, which was crazy because Chelsea and Matthew got engaged on Thanksgiving, it was wild around our house with 28 people. My mom was out from New York. God bless. She's doing great. But Max came home with three inches of hair up here because he hadn't had a haircut since he started college, right? No time, no money. So he's like six five with his hair six. Six with his hair is crazy.

You're looking up. You're doing this.

He is an animal. But I have three. Brandy and I have three gorgeous, beautiful, independent, thinking, really just special girls. Now, I'm so biased because there are girls for sure. I think the relationship with girls and their daddies is important. So I want to just ask you, what's one thing that you take away from your dad, from that relationship? To see him there looking at you, that just me as a daddy. That's where my heart went. I'm like, look at you, girl. Like, I don't know your dad well enough to go over there and put my arm around and go look at your girl. Right? But I will next Time.

You could have. You could have. Because the attention was on. On his girl. So he. At any point, he will take the whole daddy camaraderie. So that night, would you believe that I am excited, excited to say that next year I turn 52, and I've lived long enough to have some life experiences and to embrace. Like, would you know that at 51, I drove home from the Christmas party holding my daddy's hand. We held hands the whole time I drove home. He stayed up. Everybody else in the car was sleeping. My dad stayed up talking to me, asking me questions to keep, you know, help me stay awake. We had quite a bit of a drive at the time. The lesson that I take away. I was 12 years old, and my father took me on my first date. And he took me to a seafood restaurant in the Marina del Rey. I'll never forget. And he opened the door for me, and I got in the car. I never had that. And we got to the restaurant and he asked me what did I want. And I told my dad what I wanted. And my father ordered for me. He got me my first drink from the bar. I had a beautiful Shirley Temple. Asked me did I like it, made sure it was okay. Asked me did I want an additional cherry in it. I said, oh, I could get that. He goes, absolutely. Wade, the bartender brought me an additional cherry. And was just an amazing date, my first date. When we got back to our house, I went to walk in the door. He unlocked the door. He opened the door, and when I went to walk in, he closed it. And I looked up at him and said, daddy, what's wrong? And he said, sweetheart, tonight I took you on your first date so that you get to see how you get to be treated. He said, now how you choose to be treated will be on you. I was 21. Fast forward 10 years. I was 21 years old. I went out on a date with a guy for all the wrong reasons. Redcorvette liked his car. And just telling you the truth, I was young, and during dinner, he was just dismissive, a little abrasive. And he kept taking phone calls. He was. Was when pagers were out, he kept taking phone calls. And I decided while he was taking one of his calls, I really didn't like the way I was being treated because my daddy had showed me when I was 12 how I got to be treated. So when he returned to the table for the fifth time, I wasn't there. I caught a taxi home, and he met the taxi at my house. His car was pretty Fast. And he said, where'd you go? Why'd you leave? And I said, oh, it's simple. My dad showed me how I get to be treated on a date. And you weren't doing that. And I walked in my house and I was fine with it. And probably for three months, he called me and left various messages. I've never had a woman do that. Oh, my God. I think I'm in love. I think you're not, but you'll get over. Don't worry. It's like gas. It'll pass. Anyway, that was the lesson. My father and I've applied it to so many different scenarios that how I've been shown how I get to be treated in many ways, you show me as a male friend, my father, my friends. So how I choose to be treated is a constant change. Choice. And I have to keep. Keep reminding myself I'm choosing every experience. So I was 12 years old, and it was one of. It was one of those moments when I thought, I'm gonna put this lesson in my back pocket and carry it forward. And, you know, 51 years later, and I'm 51 years old now, and I still draw from that lesson, which is why I can remember it so effortlessly.

What a beautiful opportunity to share that with others. And you've got an opportunity coming. I mean, this. Can we kind of pull the curtain back on an opportunity on an exciting piece of news? Would that be all right?

Yeah, we can. So this is the first year, the first space that I am announcing it in. I'm looking at. I'm going to find a picture to show you guys to.

You find that picture. I want to just say that there's a. There's a platform for your expression, your ability to share the life experiences, the good and the bad, the ugly, and to be able to help other people through those. Those same passages in their life. There was a book, really popular book, some years ago called Passages. But this idea that we're always going through these very similar things, we're so connected, connects us, think we're separate. That's the illusion, this illusion of separateness. And yet we're so connected. And you're going to have an opportunity to have access and connection with many more people pretty soon. And I think this is one of these, you know.

Yeah, yeah. And it's a great pivot to serve on another platform. So I have been praying for the opportunity, direction to serve on a broader scale at a time. That's right. And having developed my company in the back end to Provide a full service. I've never wanted to do television, to be a celebrity, not my thing. Never had a dream about the red carpet or a Hollywood party. Really not can take it or leave it. And I don't even think about it. So I've never wanted to be a celebrity. I've always wanted to transform as many lives as possible. I named my company in 1996, motivating the masses. So in 1996, I knew I wanted to motivate the masses. So when two and a half months ago, I was asked to meet with Dr. Field's team, I thought that I would meet with his team at their offices. To my surprise, I actually met with Dr. Field at his home and we sat in his backyard. And to summarize the conversation, he was very kind, very generous, very acknowledging of my body of work, and very transparent that he would like to work with me and that I had something. As he said, he was a powerful white man serving millions, and I'm a powerful black woman serving millions. And. And I love what he says. He goes, we need to work side by side so people can see that. And I, of course, yes, yes, of course. In this climate, in this time, we need to show the truth that we are more alike, that we can dance together, that we honor our differences and we celebrate our likeness, and we can. And both are beautiful. And so.

And we spoke about that. Do you remember?

Yes, yes. You and I talked about that long before I talked about it with.

Unbelievable.

Yes, long before you and I talked about it long before you drove up.

Into the Hollywood Hills. Right?

And I drove up. Listen, I thought I was going to Beverly Hills, but we're going up into the Beverly Hills mountain and I got five bars now I got three bars that have two bars and I have one bar, and then I have no bars and my phone goes out and I'm like, where am I going?

You were going to his house.

I didn't know I was going to his house. And I look over at my business partner, I go, where are we going? He goes, well, Dr. Phil asked, can you meet him at his house? And I thought, well, good thing I got an extra dose of self esteem, because all of a sudden I went, gulp. And, you know, you talk about that other person, right? That other person showed up, I was like, what are we going to talk about? I didn't plan for this. And then I'm thinking that I'm going to talk to his staff and he's gonna do a five minute cameo, which he can. And there's no staff. It's just he and I for two hours. And I'm like. And I don't even. Adam. I don't even know the agenda. I'm just sitting there like, oh, my God, what am I doing here? And what I didn't know was that he was interviewing me, really, for the first 20 minutes to determine what he was gonna offer me. And so I'm. But transparency and truth is powerful. When you're not trying to perform, you're not trying to do a shtick, you know, he asked me, why haven't you done television yet? You could have been doing television a long time ago. And I said, listen, I wanted to be responsible. And when I do tv, when and if I do tv, I wanted the people that say yes to me that they're inspired. I want them to really have a way to be served by me. And until I had that, I didn't want to do tv. I could have did it a long time ago, I think, but I wanted to have programs and a platform. They don't have to step on our campus, but if they were, I want to be responsible, and I want to have something for them at whatever level they're at. And he said, hmm. He goes, that would be smart for a lot more people to do that. I thought, I'm a teacher, I'm a coach. It's what I want to do. And TV would be a way to coach and serve millions. But that's really why I'm doing it. And so yesterday I shot the first show on Dr. Phil. So we did some shooting, and I worked with a woman who she was. Unfortunately, she was beat by her for ex boyfriend with a meat meat tenderizer and had 30 stitches. And two years later, she's not able to move forward. And so I'm gonna work with Dr. Phil and help her figure out how to move forward and get her life back. And we're recording soon, and it airs in January. Now it airs. Then I'll do a series of shows with him all around New Year, new you. And I'll work with him for several months and air on his show. Several months. Watch Dr. Phil. If you've never watched before, watch it now for sure. You know, stay connected, know the dates that I'm on, watch it, then comment, give feedback. And then the strategy is to launch me into my own show next year. So we're baking me into his show to introduce me to the world and then to launch me. And he basically said, I'd like to do with you what oprah did with me. And I looked to the left, looked to the right and said, okay, yes, yes, yes.

My head is up. Both hands.

Sounds good to me. Both hands up. Yes, both hands up and standing up. So it'll be exciting. And we get to bring transformation to ideally daily tv. We get to bring transformational work. So standing. Yeah, yeah, I'll need you guys in the audience. So what's really wild is that they normally have an audience wrangler that goes out and tries to get people for the audience before the show. That for the first show that I'm shooting, I just sent out a couple of emails, I did a Facebook live and they got a full audience. They're like, you got, you got your own tribe. I got my own tribe out there so we can help you put some beautiful souls in the audience.

Wow. I am double high fiving.

Yes, brother.

We're doing a happy dance here.

Yes.

On both coasts. Because I find myself in Florida today. I was just flew here yesterday and on both coasts. This is a celebratory moment and thank you for declaring that or stating that out loud here for the first time. I think this is the first time you said it sort of.

First time, first time. So you know earlier when we talked about doing things scared knees knocking. Well, my knees are knocking now to see. Say it out loud. Because television is so temperamental and it's just a different animal. And I've never. I wouldn't dance with T. I wouldn't play with TV for a very long time. So this is a healing for me. I used to say television was too shallow, it was too messy. And I had this very disdain, just be quite honest with you, this, this disdain for television. And so I would always kind of put it off. And a lot of people were pursuing me after the secret and after Oprah and my healing, because this is a healing for me. My healing is if television is asking me to play, then television is looking for something better, more powerful, more, more bountiful to do. And if I keep saying no, then I'm robbing mass media of the opportunity to up level and to be more impactful. And I'm not being responsible with the gift that I was given to share and show people and teach and be a part of a higher consciousness conversation. And so it's not in my no that I'm doing any service to the greatest number. It's in my yes. And then tolerating and not tolerating, but learning how to dance with all that TV knows in order to expand what's possible on mass media. Like, I realize I've been judging it for 10 years. Just very judgmental of television and saying no, they're too fake. They're not. And who am I to say that, that if television asks me to be a part of it, they know who I am, they know what I'm doing.

It puts you on your growth edge right now.

Oh, man.

Beautiful and more spectacular than ever. You are on your growth edge. You're mode, you're in that place that you were describing earlier, which to me is called humility.

Yes.

That place of humbleness.

Yes.

We realize in great perspective, in a greater perspective, hence that we are a spark of the divine flame. We're not whole flame. We're one spark surrounded by sparks. How beautiful is that?

Say that again. Say that again.

So we're holding space. Randy and I and our, our whole team and our community will hold space for you in that state of growing, of doing something different, of being on your edge as a businesswoman in the world, as a human being. Just doing something to challenge status quo. Right. The opportunity to reach more people. What a glory. We'll hold space for that and celebrate it in advance. And I know you pray. I know the power.

I wanted to. It's funny you should say that because I want to read you. May I do this, Matt? I want to read you what my brother sent me yesterday as I was on my way to film the doctor film location shot. And he could see the angst and the kind of big eyeballs as I'm driving away in the driver's driving me away in the back seat of the car. And I'm looking out at my big brother. My big brother is my brother. My big brother's my. He's been my prayer partner for 14 and a half years. My big brother is my anchor. He surrounds me with love. And my eyes were like this looking out the window of the car, I was like. He was like, bye, sis. I was like, bye. Five minutes later I get this prayer. It says, be willing to go out on a limb with me. This is a message from God to us. Be willing to go out on a limb with me. If that's where I am, if that's where I'm leading you, it's the safest place to be. Then your desire to live a risk free life is a form of disbelief. Your longing to live close to me is at odds with your attempts to minimize risk. You are approaching a crossroads in your journey. In order to follow me wholeheartedly, you must relinquish your tendency to play it safe. Let me lead you step by step through this day. If your primary focus is on me, whatever your faith is, whatever your spiritual guide is, you can walk along the difficult, challenging big paths without being afraid. Eventually, you will learn to relax and enjoy the adventure of our journey together. As long as you stay close to me, my sovereign presence protects you wherever you go. So go out on the limb today.

Wow.

Like, wow.

Chills all over my body.

Amazing.

I got chills.

So all day yesterday, I kept saying, play on the limb. Like, if that's where. If that's where our most beautiful, delicious, godlike self is, then I don't want to be at the base and being all on the limb. It's skinny and it wobbles a bit, and sometimes you feel the wind, and it feels like it's gonna blow you over, but then you get your bearing again because the limb is where all the biggest risks are, but it's where the biggest rewards are as well. So my new mantra is, today I walk to the skinny branch. Today I walk out to the skinny branch. And in that, I know my balance, because if I should tilt over, then I know I'll fly. If I leave the branch, I'm a fly.

Got you covered.

Yes.

I love you so much.

I love you.

We're on that together.

Yes.

You're a sweet soul. You and I. I don't know whether we believe in the. In the future, in the past lives. I do. I think. I think about eternity, and I believe in it.

We've been together before.

Yeah. This is not a first. This is not a first class.

No. No. I was a leaf, and you were a butterfly, and I was a safe place for you to land and sit and spread your wings.

Well, I know for certain I felt like a caterpillar plenty of times.

Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yes. I love you, Adam. I love. I love what you stand for. I love the man that you choose to be. I started this conversation with we're in choice. And I love the man you choose to be. I love the father you choose to be. I love the husband I watch and I witness you to be. You restore a sense of faith in me every time I see you stand beside your beautiful bride. Every time I see you show up wholeheartedly. You embody what success and possibility and. And godliness looks like inside of humility and grace and compassion. I just love you. I love your essence. I love you in my presence. I light up when you're near me. And I'm grateful That you choose to call me a friend and that I get to be on this planet at the exact same time as you. Our feelings are very mutual about one another, and. And I don't see you enough because, selfishly, I feel better when I'm in your space. I don't know if anybody else can benefit, but I feel better when I'm in your space. So thank you for being a stand for us to pivot, for us to understand the power of pivot, and for us to have the courage and the passion to pivot, and as a matter of fact, the conviction, because conviction ain't always convenient. When you were convicted, you don't look for the convenience because your conviction takes over. So thank you for tapping into our conviction to pivot. I love you, and I'm always your sister.

I got that. I receive it. And even as I'm listening to you, I'm thinking, is that older person? Is that that old person inside of me going, oh, is that true? Like, that person that still isn't 100% comfortable with praise, with that kind of unconditional praise. And so what a glorious place for us to transition. I wish.

The beauty is I love them both. I love the person that's questioning, and I love the man that knows it's the duality. Yes.

What you said earlier.

So I always say, that person can come along with me. I invite her. She's always gonna come along. She just needs to sit in the passenger seat and let me drive. So invite him with you and just tell him you have to sit in the passenger seat. I'm gonna drive, but you can come.

I want everybody to give that person a name. Like, so you've got your name. Yes. So, so many takeaways, so many beautiful things to think about and put into action from our talk. And I want to. I want to transition into the way that we were accustomed to moving on beyond this podcast to the next thing in our days. And. And that is to go back to the beginning. It's always so important to go back to foundation place where things begin. Now, I say humbly, I don't know that this is where it all begins, but it is from my own perspective and experience that we have to.

Love.

Ourselves before we can love others. And whatever it is that we know of ourselves, what we know of others and where we can serve ourselves, we can serve others. So can't serve from an empty cup. I've heard you say that before, too stir from a cup that's flowing over. And that flowing over has nothing to do with money. It doesn't have to do with a title or position or celebrity. It has to do with our connection to ourselves. So whether you call that God or we call it something else, or it's your heart that today, in this moment, we get to make a choice. And in every moment, a choice how connected we are to our hearts, to our. To our divine, that divine part of ourselves. I'm just finishing up a beautiful book, Augmentino's the Greatest Miracle in the World. I finished the Greatest Salesman in the World. Now I'm on to the greatest miracle in the world. And if I can say it in different language, the greatest miracle in the world is the miracle of love that we give ourselves. Because as the Course in Miracles shares, it's that love that we give ourselves that we can, then we can give. It is the gift that we give the world. So in this moment, let's take another conscious point. We've been breathing the whole way through. I know we haven't been holding our breaths and take that breath and realize in this moment that there are people who are breathing in now, breathing in as we breathe in, and they will not breathe out. And so I do believe in eternity, so I do not fear for them, as I don't fear for myself when my time comes. But in this moment, I want that next breath. I want that next opportunity to connect with myself so I can, at a deeper level, connect with all of my brothers and sisters from that place of truth, as you said, authenticity. A place where there is no pretending. We don't have to defend or pretend or prove ourselves because we are perfect regardless of where we are in this moment. What a blessing this moment is. So that's the reminder, and that we get to wake up tomorrow, as we woke up today, to our assignment, to have some recognition of that, to be grateful for it. And then, if you're so inclined to say those words, I love my life. I love my life. I love my life. I love you, Lisa. I love you all. Thank you so much. What a blessing this has been. And till we meet again, as my grandmother would say, this is the end of our show.