Redefining Failure with Natalie Ledwell

Welcome to the Conscious Pivot podcast with international speaker, business mentor, best selling author of Pivot, and your host, Adam Markell. The Conscious Pivot shares the stories and wisdom of people who have successfully reinvented some area of their business and personal life. You'll gain powerful insights into how you can fully embrace new opportunities, increase your performance, and master the art and science of innovation and resilience. So please join Adam as he guides you on your Conscious Pivot.

Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the Pivot Podcast. Our Conscious Pivot podcast is going to be very special today because I've got a very special guest which I am really thrilled about. She's an amazing woman, doing some incredible things, has been doing incredible things for a length of time and has had a number of transitions, as she calls them. We, as you know, we call them pivots. And they're all, they're really elegant. I think that's one of the beautiful things, is even when we're pivoting or transitioning and it's messy at the time, in retrospect, I think we always feel like it was perfect and it's always leading us to exactly where we are, which makes it a very elegant transition when they have that objectivity. So, without further ado, I have Natalie Ledwell with us. She's absolutely amazing and she's got a great accent, too. So, Natalie, if you don't mind introducing yourself to our community, I'm sure a lot of people know you anyway through your work as one of the co founders of Mind Movies, but if you can catch us up on yourself and some of the things that you're up to today, that would be terrific.

Yeah, absolutely. So, like you said, Adam, I'm one of the co founders of Mind Movies and we have had quite the wild ride with that company. We went from not knowing anything about the Internet, from Glenn hardly being able to turn on a computer, and I'm not even. Didn't Even know what YouTube was back in 2007. We went from that level of unknowing to building a multimillion dollar company in a few short years through just sheer determination and, you know, and basically applying everything we knew from all the businesses and everything. Sorry. That we had before. And so, you know, we've had nine years of, you know, of great success and varying success. And it was really interesting because from the outside looking in, it would look like I had the most amazing life. And I did, you know, great marriage. Glenn and I had been married for 18 years. We were financially free. You know, we were the original mindmobies. We were, you know, ticking off everything on my bucket list like there was no tomorrow. You know, been on safari in Africa and staying at the seven star hotel, the Burj in Dubai, and being really generous with our family and everything that we had dreamed for ourselves. We were just going through the list and ticking everything off. You know, we had a fantastic set of friends. You know, life was amazing. And then I remember one weekend we were, you know, in New York. Had a fantastic weekend in New York. It's one of my favorite cities. And we come back to San Diego, we walk into the apartment, Glenn pulls me a glass of wine, sits down and goes, you know, my marriage is over. I've actually met somebody else. And it's like, whoa, okay.

Come again? Say that you want to repeat that and pour me another one before you do.

You only got me one. Waste of tequila. No. So. But to be honest with you, yes, it was a surprising in that moment, but it wasn't a surprise. And I had been unhappy for some time, and we both had been unhappy for some time. And. And even though, like at that moment it was a little bit of a shock, my instant reaction was relief that it was over. Because I'm like, this has not been working for a while. And so we know we had an adult conversation. It's like, okay, what are we working with here? Who else knows? And I was, you know, kind of went into automatic mode and went, okay, so we don't want our friends to have to choose between us. I don't want them to hate you. I don't want them to feel sorry for me. We both want this to happen. This is the reason, you know, you meeting someone else and not the reason we're breaking up. It's just the catalyst. It's the event, you know, there's plenty of other reasons behind that. So let's, you know, navigate through this, you know, in. In a way that's going to be loving and respectful to each other, which is what we did. You know, we're still business partners. We're still best of friends, actually. We trust each other more than any other person on the planet. And we were able to do that because we were, you know, we're like, okay, this is what we both want. But of course, you know, and of course I'm upset. It's like an 18 year marriage. And of course I was completely lost who I was. I had lost my identity. And I remember each. That first week, each morning I would get out and drag myself out of Bed. And I would just walk along the waterfront in San Diego, and I would just keep walking until I felt good enough to face the day, you know, And. And I remember, like, I would just ask myself, I don't even know who I am without him. I mean, it was been Glenn and that for so many years. And I'm like, I'm lost. And then I think it was maybe the Thursday or the Friday, and I was listening to. I always listen to books, and I exercise. I was listening to the Untethered Soul by Michael Singer at the time. And there was one moment in the book where he says, and this is. I had hadn't heard anything all week. And then finally, Thursday, something comes through, and it says, you know, when you understand the enormity of what God is or what that spirituality is, that entity is, you realize that this is just a moment in time. And this moment will pass, you know, to the next moment. And it's one moment out of millions of moments you're going to have for your life. And I'm like, okay, I see that. I understand that, because I had a sense of what that was. And so I shifted my question. My question shifted from, well, who am I? Because I have no idea who that is, to, well, who do I want to be? Because now it's like, I'm, you know, I'm probably better off than many women who are facing a divorce or a separation in midlife. And technically, midlife to me is anywhere between 40 and 70. But, you know, in this second part of our life, it's just like, okay, so I have a great platform. You know, I already have, you know, more doing meaningful work. And what was really interesting is that the last, especially the last year of our marriage, I kept getting this message coming through that. That I'm wasting time. And it didn't make any sense to me. I'm like, look at my life, you know? But what was happening is that because I was unhappy, I was drinking every day. Not excessively, but definitely enough to numb out so I didn't have to face what was going on. And. And, you know. And of course, back then, Glenn was getting the blame for everything. It was his fault that I couldn't outshine him because, you know, he's the man and, you know, he needs to be the star. And what I, you know, the questions that I asked myself was like, well, who do I be? What was my contribution to this, you know, situation? And once I lost my scapegoat and no longer had someone else to blame for my situation. It was like, well, I have to step up and take responsibility myself. And if I don't step into this next version of who I want to be, because I knew. I knew that there was. There was some kind of yearning or something inside of me that was going, you need to do more. You need to step up more. I'm like, I have to do this myself. So I went on quite a. Quite an internal journey, I would have to say. I did the Hoffman process, which is. I don't know if you know much about that, but it is a gnarly process. Six and a half days, hand over your electronics. They leave no stone left unturned. But I actually walked out of that a completely different person. And realizing that, you know, when I'm living life on the surface here, it's, you know, Glenn and I would talk about different, you know, issues in our. In our relationship, but we're only talking about the symptoms. You never got deep enough underneath to go, well, where this is coming from. So after doing the Hoffman process, I'm like, right, I understand my childhood programming now. I understand why I have certain behaviors. I understand why I do certain things and things, certain ways, and how that manifested in my behavior with my marriage. So, you know, And Glenn also did the Hoffman process a few months later. So between the two of us, we were able to really dissect and understand, you know, how we. How we drifted apart.

But.

And now we were able to have this amazing relationship between the two of us of mutual respect and love. We're just not in love anymore, but we still love each other very much. So it's, you know, it's been incredible. So since then, it's like, okay, well, now if I'm stepping up into something new, what does that look like? So the first thing that happened after we separated is my first book, never in your wildest dreams hit the bestseller mark on Amazon. You know, I did a big campaign for that. I was approached by these two random women, and I didn't believe them at first. They sent me an email going, we want to speak to Natalie about being on a TV show. And I'm like, yeah, right, sure, that doesn't happen. And then, because I come back and go, no, we really, really want to speak to you. And so I was on a cable TV show called wake up, which is like a consciously awake talk show. We had about five episodes before the wheels fell off that project. But we're actually working. I'm working on a new show right now, which is called the Chat with Nat. Which is definitely live coaching and introducing new healing modalities and with my Australian humor and jokes and things. So it's going to be. And we're going to rewrite the way that a show like this is distributed, how it is created, the types of topics that most people won't talk about. I have no problem being able to approach them. For women, when we're talking about everything from aging and from dating to sex to marriage to our health, like everything, we're not leaving any stone left unturned.

So the show, in essence, is about women in transition in various ways. And I think you gave us a great example of that because, you know, I don't know that it's terribly common that, you know, when you're in an 18 year marriage and your husband walks in the door or your spouse, you know, husband or wife walks in the door and says, hey, let's sit down, let's have a talk. This, this thing that we're calling a marriage is over. That many men or women that are in that situation would to too quickly or too easily turn the mirror on themselves and want to understand what their responsibility was for that outcome. So, I mean, I think that's a big transitional point. That's a pivotal moment right there, I think for you as a human being. Yes.

Yeah. You know, and like I said, he. I was in a place where I was blaming him for everything. But, you know, and I very quickly realized that as soon as we blame something or someone or something outside of us, we lose all power to do anything about it. And it wasn't until I was willing to set in, sit in the responsibility of an owning up to my part in what was going on that, that I was able to shift the way that I am with Glenn, the way that I looked at my marriage, I mean, and I still don't see it as a failure, you know, even now. Like I, like I said, we still have a close relationship, but we want different things. So I don't know whether, you know, when you get married in your 20s, whether that's someone that you're going to end up with for the rest of your life. And sometimes we're lucky. We do, and sometimes we're lucky and we don't. You know, either way, I think that it's whatever path that we're on. And so now when I look at the path that I'm on and what I need to do and how I want to step up and how I really feel like I'm fulfilling my purpose in such a spectacular Way I know that I couldn't do it with, you know, if Glenn and I was still together in a relationship.

Yeah. So I want to. I want to come back. I want to circle back to the. To the pivots that are happening for you right now, but just to not so much close the loop, but tie something up for me. You know, when Michael Singer writes about seeing, Seeing that, you know, gaining that perspective, it is. It is liberating for certain, right, to know that this is just one moment in time, in a. In a sea of moments, in a vast sort of eternal sea, if you will, of moments. It also is a. It's a way to see that there is no failure. I mean, on that level, what could be defined as a, quote, failure, you know, a marriage or a business or anything that. That we might otherwise look at as a sunk cost or a failure of sorts? When the perspective is in the eternity in the sea of all the moments of this life and wherever else our spirit may reside, how can any one thing that we judge as good, bad or otherwise be considered a failure? It's just a part of, of our living experience and the evolution of ourselves, our soul. So there's no question, it seems that your soul has evolved and grown as a result of this transition out of marriage at that moment to that particular person and into the life that you've been creating ever since then. So tell us a little bit about that, because I am really excited about the things that you're up to, including the fact that your business is still growing, you're still serving, you're still, you know, looking to evolve that. That model so that it can help more people.

Yeah. So I, you know, I am. I did a, like a ceremony with a shaman a few years ago where I felt like I had a God experience, let's just say that. So I really felt like I was one with the universe and, and, and had an understanding of what that. What that was. So when I heard that, that message come through the, you know, my headphones from, from Michael Singer, I was like, that's right. I remember that. I remember when I had that. When I went through that ceremony, that that also changed me. And I think that that process also helped me to go through the process with Clan. Because when you understand the love that that is, that, you know, that that entity is, well, for whatever we want to call it. I remember coming out of that ceremony laughing, like, laughing, really hard going, you know, all this drama, all this craziness that we have in our life is so inconsequential. It means nothing when you understand what that is. So having that insight before going through this, you know, this process was. Glenn with Glenn was very helpful. Was really, really helpful. And of course, then having that reminder from Michael, you know, a few days, you know, a week or so after, you know, our separation happened, it was like, that's right. This is. There is always another step. There's always another way. And, you know, and what was really important for me is that I made sure that before I faced my day, I was in at least a neutral. A neutral emotion or, you know, I didn't go into the day from a negative point of view. There was, you know, there were a couple of days where I just stayed in bed. I'm like, I'm just going to stay here. I don't need to move. I'm just going to feel this and move through this. I don't think. I think it's very important that we do feel the emotions that come up for us so that we can process them and get them out. If we're suppressing them, then that's, you know, which is part of what I was doing, you know, through my marriage is that because, you know, I have a. What I identified is that when I was young, my biological mother left when I was 3, and I remember an incident of seeing dad crying and I'm like, right, I have to be the strong one. So I went from a very young age to shut my emotions down, which, you know, is helpful in some situations, but not if you're having problems with your marriage.

Or with your business part. Partners are in a lot of other areas.

Exactly right. So. So I did. I did start to understand that about myself, but. But I knew that, you know, for me to be able to get through, you know, life or just to be even to be excited about what was coming, you know, forward for me, like, when I switched shifted that question to who do I want to be? That's when I started to get excited. But I couldn't ask that question until I got myself out of these lower vibrational emotions into something that was more positive. And, you know, and believe me, it wasn't joy and it wasn't happiness. If anything, it was either neutral or at least it was, you know, peaceful or, you know, something like that. So at least it was on the positive spectrum before I could start to even think about what was, you know, what was going to happen from there. And of course, that's when I, you know, decided to move to la. So I had a little bit of a buff. I mean, I love Glenn, but I'm like, honey, I love you, but I just can't see you every day. Not going to help me. I need to spread my wings and step out into something that's a little bit more, you know, a little bit more my style. And the thing is, all my friends that were living in LA are all transformation leaders. So I really made a point of surrounding myself with people that were positive, that were supportive, and that really helped me get through that point in my life. And without them, I don't think I would have been able to do that with the amount of ease and grace that I did, which was really important.

It's so important. It's, you know, and part of what we teach and what is pivotal to me are the ways that you take care of yourself. How do you care for yourself, how do you love yourself? And part of that is really being careful about your energy, about what are you feeding yourself energetically, what are you feeding your mind and other parts of yourself? And even physically, as I'm taking a sip of a green drink, so important that we do love and nurture ourselves unconditionally, which is a work. I mean, a major, major work. It's probably the work of our adult lives. And matching, you know, something we call matching up or matching down, it has been really powerful for me is that when you. When you move to LA to be around friends that were at a level, you know, were thinking and behaving at a certain level, their energy was a certain level you were matching up. You want. It's like tennis. You play with a better tennis player, you match up to that player, you play with a worse or, you know, a lesser player, you. You sort of play down. And so again, it is so crucial what you feed yourself in the way of the environment that you're in, the people that you're around, the thoughts that you start your day with, you said you. You wanted to create some neutrality to begin with, at a minimum. That's why spiritual practice in the morning rituals that. That you have, that I have, that we each teach, are so vital to just get. To just get off on the right foot. And another interesting thing that came up for me as I was listening to was Michael Brown. So in Michael Singer's work, we love the Untethered soul. I've been recommending to a lot of folks, Michael Brown's work in the presence process, which is another really incredible work of integrating. He even distinguishes that word healing, you know, as one that he sort of shies away from anything that's sort of healing related, just because it potentially, and it's very intriguing to me, I've been thinking about this a lot lately, that, you know, how much do we buy into the idea that we're broken or that we need fixing or that things are wrong that need to be corrected when we use the word heal, I mean, it's so prevalent in our industry, that word is everywhere. And so I'm not throwing the word out entirely, but it's been a distinction for me for the last few months where, because I've always said intuitively, more than anything, just it's come out of me to look at people and say, you know, this is great. Come to one of our programs. You want to be in a live event and, you know, leave your cell phone at home and immerse yourself for a day, three days, six days, whatever. Because nothing like it from us from the standpoint of being able to do deep personal work for sure. And at the same time, and this is that really interesting paradox, you're not broken. I'm not wanting to enroll you in a program because I think you're broken and you need fixing. So it's a very interesting line, fine line between those two things. But in any event, you have certainly transitioned yourself in these beautiful ways, and it's lovely to see you. I think we both got the memo on color today, on the color pattern, what we're wearing. So, Natalie, if you just catch us up in the remaining couple of minutes, I'd love to know really about your own rituals and practices, because it seems like that's a big part of how you've been able to match up to a higher frequency of being. So that marriage that ended after 18 years isn't like in your backpack. You're not carrying that weight around with you. You're not carrying around the weight of pressure. You know, it seems like from. From business stress and things like that, you're light and so authentic and willing to be even vulnerable in more of the. More. More often when I see you, you're just. That's the way I see you. It's somebody that's willing to speak from your heart and say what's. Say what's coming, you know, what's true for you. So that's a beautiful freedom.

Yeah. And, you know, and I think more the biggest gift that I got from. From the separation with Glenn is, is to have a relationship with the essence of who I am, you know, my soul or whatever you want to call that, because I was completely disconnected. I was completely disembodied. And so, you know, being able to create that relationship again for me has been. It is a daily practice, but I have a foundation to every day. I start every day pretty much the same, unless it's a weekend and I'm, you know, we're doing something else. But normally what I do is when I wake up, before my eyes are even open, you know, I always ask a question, you know, like, okay, what am I doing today? What's going to be closer to my goal? What do I need to focus on? As we're waking up, we still kind of in theta brainwave activity. So it's easy. I feel very connected to the, you know, collective consciousness at that time. So for me to ask a question while I'm still waking up and lay there long enough to hear an answer is always. Is a really important process for what I do during the day. Then when I get up, you know, get ready, I take Bella out. You know, my little puppy, you take her out for her. We walk. And that's when I do my gratefuls. You know, I live on the marina, so I get to walk around the water. And it's just, you know, I sit, and it's not necessarily going through, like, a list of things. It's sitting in the emotion and the vibration of gratitude, you know. And for me, it's so easy. Like, I'm one of eight kids from a country town in Australia. The fact that I get to live here and do this work and have this life brings me to tears most days. I still pinch myself, so do my gratefuls, and I. Then I bring Bella back. I go to the gym or, you know, I have a paddle board. So when. When it's warmer, I go out on the water. She comes with me. And I'm always listening to some kind of audiobook, some kind of, you know, education. So. And I find that when I'm doing that while I'm exercising, because I have a whole lot of endorphins going as well. That's just when I start to spark lots of fantastic ideas, especially if I'm out in nature exercising out there rather than just being in the gym. So when I come back, I have a great breakfast, and I've actually just changed to a paleo diet. So I've given up sugar and dairy and grains and had given up alcohol for six weeks as well. So it's, you know, make sure that my system is clean and, you know, that my energy is strong. And I will actually. I don't meditate first thing in the morning because I feel like I'm already connected. So I actually meditate before I sit down to start work because what it does is it helps to, you know, clear my mind and it really gets me into a place of centeredness so that when I do sit down in front of the computer, I'm focused, you know, and I feel. Yeah. And I do. Every 90 minutes I take a break. Whether it's like a. Taking Bella out or whether it's like a five minute, you know, attention training or a little meditation, whatever that is. I'd like to take a break every 90 minutes so that I can keep my, my mind sharp and my mind fresh. And then, and of course, you know, depending on what I'm working on that day, depends on which my movie I'm watching as well. So I do a, my movie at the beginning of every year, which is my general one. But then I'll do one specifically for each, you know, for health or for whatever project I'm working on. And it really helps to keep me focused as well. And I normally do that before I start working. So.

Yeah, and give us a timeframe. So when would you begin working with all the things that you've just discussed? What time is that typically?

Well, I'm a morning person.

You are a morning person.

So I normally start work at 8:30, 9 o'. Clock. So all of that is done before then.

Yeah, beautiful. Exercise, eating.

So I wake up around 6:00'.

Clock. Yeah.

And that's when I naturally wake up. Like I don't have to force myself to get out of bed. But then, you know, always make sure that I go to bed early enough to normally in bed by 10:30.

Yeah. So you're getting sufficient sleep as well?

Oh yeah, very important. I'm an eight hour girl. Always have been.

Yes. I like, I like 78 hours whenever I can get it. So yeah, yeah. This is so super important because I really do think that the quality, much of the quality of our lives is really related to the quality of these practices, these rituals.

Absolutely.

And yeah, so. And they don't have to be, you know, great big long things. Clearly they can be, you know, they're short and sweet, but you're, you're feeding your mind and you're feeding your, your soul and your spirit in a way that nourishes you, which is self love. And that's at the root of that. It's, it's taking care of your child, your child self in a.

You know, I did a Little thing on Facebook called it hashtag Ilove me week. And I was just posting lots of photos of all the things I did in love for myself. Whether it was, you know, the bubble bath, getting a massage or going for a bike ride or, you know, making fresh juices or whatever that was. Everything that I did that week was in. In service and in love to myself. So rather than going, okay, I need to go on a diet and I need to take all these things out of my routine or start to, you know, take sugar out of my diet, I'm not looking at what I have to take out and what I have to do. I'm looking at what I'm doing in service to myself. So rather than going, you know, I have to give up sugar and dairy. I'm looking at my meals and going, look at this healthy meal that I've created for myself. So. So I'm focusing on the affirmative action and the things that I am doing rather than the things that I'm taking away, which makes a big difference.

Yeah. And that, that was a transition from sort of pre, you know, pre divorce to now you're more focused on loving, on loving yourself, caring for yourself. Right.

Yeah.

Which enables you.

Well, I have the ability to do so now, which is good. You don't have to look after me. It's been.

You have space. Isn't that lovely? Well, Natalie, thanks so much. And folks that want to find out more about mind movies or about, you know, what's the best sort of website where people can find out more about you? I mean, even the show that you're going to be doing with women, you know, what's the best way for us to see you in action?

Yeah. So, I mean, mindmovies.com is our main website, but all the updates on the show and the things I'm doing is actually@natalie ledwell.com so you'll find out about my children's curriculum that's being taught in schools around the world at the moment and how that project is going, as well as the TV projects and all the updates on the new book as well.

Natalie ledwell.com.

Yeah.

Awesome. We'll have information below so you can check that out and tune in for more of Natalie. You are amazing, Natalie. Thank you so much for taking the time.

Thanks, Adam. Pleasure.

Beautiful, Beautiful rest of your day. Bye. Bye, everybody.

Thanks for listening, everyone. We hope you now have the tools and greater insights to navigate your own pivot. Help us inspire others by sharing this episode and leaving your comments over@adammarkel.com podcasts for more tips, strategies and support as you consciously pivot into a new business and lifestyle you love joining. Join our Pivot community on facebook@pivotfb.com.