Setting Boundaries With Crystal Castille-Cromedy

Life happens, and not always the way we expect it to. Every single day, we face change, stress, and uncertainty. What if you could learn to thrive no matter what life throws your way? Resilience expert Adam Markell and his inspiring guests explore breakthrough strategies to fully embrace change and build the resilience required to become change. Proof.

Hey, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of the Change Proof podcast. I'm your host, Adam Markell, and I'm so thrilled to be in the seat today for my guest. She is absolutely amazing. Her name is Crystal Castile Cromity, and she is currently the SMD of Talent and Head of HR Americas for Heinz Krystal. Is an HR exec with more than 25 years of experience across a range of industries and markets. You are going to find out very quickly just how astute this person is, how intelligent, how dialed in and sensitive, and just has a tremendous awareness and understanding of what's happening in the workplace. Sit back, relax, and enjoy my conversation with Crystal. Okay, Crystal, so you have an impressive cv. I read a lot of them. I meet a lot of people, and, you know, I'm impressed. I know a lot of the people that are listening to this right now are going to. Yeah, she. She's got. She's got a lot of things she's done. She's. She's a person to be in the seat that she's in and all that good stuff. But my question is really, it's related to your bio, which is to say, what's not part of the bio? What's one thing? Cause a million things. Right. But what's one thing that isn't in your. Your introduction that you would love for people in this moment to just know about you?

Yeah. I mean, thank you so much, Adam, for having me here. The question I get all the time is, how do you do it? You know, what's not in the bio is that I'm a wife of more than 30 years and that my. I have children, have three kids. You know, they're 32, 30, and 23. One of the questions I get is, you don't have kids in the 30s. And I'm like, yes, I do. And so that's a compliment that I love. But that's still a question about, you know, how do you do it and how have you done it? And that's a. That's a loaded question. Right? Because you don't just wake up one day. You don't just wake up one day having. Having done it. And. But without peeling all the layers of, you know, my Psychology and all those different things and how I was raised and my upbringing and my parents. There is something about perseverance and resilience that is part of that story for me. Right. You know, I wake up every day self motivated and energized to just be better than I was the day before. And part of that means I have to unpack and break down what my challenges are. How do I be prepared and ready for those challenges and how do I do so in a way that's the most productive and proactive for me, myself, my family, those that, you know, I care about, my friends. And so that, that's what's missing is the how. I think your CV can definitely look backward and sort of tell you about all of your accomplishments, but they don't necessarily tell you what you had to experience in order to get there.

Oh my. Well, you just confirmed or reaffirmed for me why I wanted you to have you on the show. So bravo and thank you. And I want to lean into that now too, just to, to get a sense because I am also a parent and have kids in a similar, a similar age, you know, proximity. How did you do it? I mean, and to be more specific, because like you said, there's a million things day to day, but I'd like to. Can you chunk down your philosophy on some level of how you were able to be a mom and a wife and like, have an epic career that is still ongoingly, you know, productive and adding value in the world and all that while you're also taking care of other humans that needed, needed a lot of care, as we know, you know?

Yeah, yeah. I mean, for me it's. I mean, I grew up being, I'm the youngest of four, so I think that there's something about the pecking order in which, you know, you grew up that, you know, has a type of imprint on the kind of adult or responsible human you're going to be. But because of that, I felt like I had to do a lot my own. It was very important to me growing up that I could achieve things on my own without needing help. And honestly, that's kind of how I approach my relationships, my marriage, my parenthood, is that, you know, I could do this, I could do it on my own. And one of the things I had to learn in some also after some good advice was to ask for help. And that was a hard thing for me to do. You know, it's one thing to say, yes, I understand how important help is, but it's another thing to Practice that and doing so really made a difference for me. Whether that was asking my husband for more help or asking for family members to lean in or friends or advice or other things that I thought I should be self sufficient at, I really had to learn that I didn't have to be. And, you know, some of us wear a superwoman, you know, complex with us, there's a mask that we live with every day. And I'm not saying that I don't have that mask today. It's just not the same as that it used to be. It serves a different purpose. And so that's one of the things that, you know, I tried to implement in my life, which is where could I use some help? I don't have to necessarily be, you know, between a rock and a hard place to need help, but something that would be helpful to help me go further and to explore other, you know, possibilities and maximize my potential is something that I definitely did. I think that it's a game changer when you think about juggling multiple things at one time, especially if you're trying to grow a career and grow a family and grow a marriage. Those are all three very distinct, different things.

They are. And, and since this podcast, we sometimes we talk holistically about resilience and about change. So it, it gets in the area of, of all the personal relationships and parenting and health and et cetera. But it primarily is a show designed to talk about work and in that context, discuss this chunk of our lives that we spend working. So I'm going to ask you, when it comes to asking for help, I think people, if they've got a spouse or a partner, they can understand how it might be difficult, even with that upbringing and sort of that programming, to be like, I'm going to ask that person in my life for help at the risk of seeming weak or of seeming vulnerable or not being, you know, all the things that you make yourself up to be and you can. And, and I can see that people would also be thinking, but at work, it's different at work, you know, like to be vulnerable, to be weak, or to just have somebody's view of me change because somehow I don't have all the answers, et cetera, especially as a leader. So my question to you is, can you say more about, and maybe even provide some, some anecdote or an instance where you, you really, you did that at work, even though that, you know, was A, not your instinct to do and B, it's work and it's different context there?

Yeah, I'VE got two examples, if that's okay, I'll take you through. And this really just kind of still under the same umbrella of being vulnerable. As you mentioned, asking for help at work, you really want people to feel or to think that you're self sufficient, that you can get things done. And so I agree that asking for help in various, you know, situations may be different. However, at work there are, like I said, there are two real pivotal, either pieces of advice or moments, you know, that really mattered, you know, in my development. One is the best piece of advice I've ever gotten from a leader at work was to create boundaries. Not, you know, the most earth shattering piece of advice in the sense that you've heard of it before. But the difference maker for me was probably because of where I was at that stage of my career. I wasn't early in my career. I was certainly really trying to climb that ladder. I was at a pivotal moment with respect to my growth potential and I was getting ready to actually move to the UK because I was being considered for an expat assignment. And the advice came on just at the beginning of, hey, if you get this opportunity, you're going to have to create some boundaries for yourself. Like, you cannot do it all. And even if you can do it all, you shouldn't do it all. And I thought, oh, that's an affront to, you know, my ethos. You know, I, I, I'm very self sufficient, I can get it done, I'm reliable, you can clean up, you know, most of the night. Working on some things, cranking it out, burning the midnight oil, really demonstrating that, you know, I'm a hard worker, all that good stuff.

Right. Everything you just said is like a positive spin on workaholism or whatever you want to. Yeah, exactly.

Call it what you want. It, call it what you want. All right.

Determination. First year, right?

Yeah. The catch 22. Right. And so in that moment I said, oh, I'll never do that again. I'll never do that again. Okay, what is that? Right? And you know, that is, you know, one, it could be a number of things. It's not just about not responding, um, you know, late in the evening, but working myself to the point where I was working late in the evening, I was tired, I should have gone to bed hours ago. Um, so prioritizing my rest and other things to make me better, you know, so I could be my best. And then, you know, I just didn't like that feeling of I felt like I was and you know, I had to make an excuse about why, you know, I showed up that way and I didn't like it at all. So not, not only am I workaholic, but I'm my own worst critic, you know, when it comes, you gotta keep trying. You gotta build that muscle, you've gotta create the habits that are gonna work for you. And it's, it's definitely served me well, you know, thereafter.

So you, so we're gonna get to the second one, but I wanna know more about this one just from the standpoint of like where, where did you fail at that? Because, and by the way, I don't think that that's, that's really widely given advice, at least not in, you know, my, my world. And having researchers for a while that a leader or others would say, hey, create, create boundaries. In part because boundaries are really difficult, especially among high achievers. It's like one of those, those paradoxes, I suppose.

Yeah.

You know, but where did you really fail at. At doing that? Can, you know, and how did, and how did you correct and continue? I guess.

Yeah, I'll, I'll tell you, it's a funny story. Um, it, it is a catch 22 because on one hand, like you said, as a higher achiever, you want, you want to build a rapport and a reputation for, you know, when people think of you. This is what I want them to think, you know, I want them to know I'm a strong member of the team, a member of the team that they can't do without, you know, and like I said, reliable, responsive and all of that. And I remember one time there is one of my leaders contacted me at 10 or 11 o' clock at night and, you know, very strong relationship I had, you know, with this person. He could call me anytime and you know, a really mature relationship where I didn't have to make excuses. He didn't have to make excuses if he needed something. He didn't have to ask me how my weekend was first or whatever. And so, you know, he, he called or he, I think he emailed me actually, you know, 10, 11 o' clock at night. I responded and went to bed. And you know, the next day, you know, he goes, hey, how's it going? And I'm like, pretty good. And he goes, you know, yeah, I sent you a request. I go, yeah, I responded. He goes, did you read what you responded? You know, did you read your response? And I'm like, yes, I'm pretty sure I read it. And he goes, I don't think so. It was gobbledygook And I go, what do you mean? And so I had to go back and read it, and it was illegible. Illegible.

Wow.

You know, And I'm like, I can't even make out. I know that there's a sentence structure here. I can't tell you what I was trying to say. And that was a moment that, quite honestly, I was really lucky that it was him and not some other person. And I questioned whether or not I would have responded to another person. But that was a moment for me where I said, okay, I was tired. I had been up, you know, most of the night working on some things, cranking it out, burning the midnight oil, really demonstrating that, you know, I'm a hard worker.

All that good stuff. Right. Everything you just said is like a positive spin on workaholism or whatever you want to. Yeah, exactly.

Call it what you want. It. Call it what you want. All right.

Determination.

The catch 22. Right? And so in that moment, I said, oh, I'll never do that again. I'll never do that again. Okay, what is that? Right? And, you know, that is, you know, one. It could be a number of things. It's not just about not responding, um, you know, late in the evening, but working myself to the point where I was working late in the evening, I was tired. I should have gone to bed hours ago, um, so prioritizing my rest and other things to make me better, you know, so I could be my best. And then, you know, I just didn't like that feeling of I felt like I was. And, you know, I had to make an excuse about why, you know, I showed up that way, and I didn't like it at all. So not not only am I workaholic, but I'm my own worst critic, you know, when it comes to, you know, my work product and other things. And so that was. That was a point where I said, okay, I won't do that again. What do I need to do so that I, you know, protect myself from being in that vulnerable space. Space. Because I didn't like it, but at the same time, I was able to laugh about it. I'm laughing about it now, but I was able to eventually laugh about it and say, wow, you know, I'm not superwoman, and why am I trying to be again? And, you know, like, hey, you know, we all make mistakes, and, you know, you don't worry. I won't. I won't do that again. But if you do see something, you know, from me like that, just know, give Me a little space. And so it was great, you know, not only for our relationship, it wasn't the worst thing in the world to happen, but it was an awakening, you know, of sorts.

Right. And do you have a way to. Is there a trigger to catch yourself now? Even now? I'm assuming, because. Oh yeah, yeah. Because we're baked away. I really think on a large. In many ways we're baked the way we are and, and then we, by being self aware, like you said, that's not self unaware. We, we have the ability to recognize when we fall into a pattern. When we found our little needle in the, in the groove of the record and it's skipping in that same spot and you go, oh, there, there I am doing that thing. I've. Maybe I haven't done it in 10 years, but you know, there I am again.

Right, yeah, no, I definitely have those moments. Yeah. I mean, for me, one of the things that I, I continue to work at, you know, today is choosing, you know, time over attention. I'm very specific about what requires my time versus what requires my attention. And what requires my attention may take a little bit longer. I need, I need more headspace. I need to think a little longer sometimes versus things that I can quickly, very quickly do. And so I just try to separate it that way. And that kind of helps govern how fast I respond to something or not. And certainly the things that I need to think about longer, I intentionally do not respond. Even if I have an answer, I don't respond immediately. I'm not saying to everything, but I, I am very. If I don't respond immediately, I'm very purposeful in why I haven't done that. And so that creates a space where I'm, you know, setting expectations for others about what they can expect from me. And so you may have heard, you know, an old saying like, you know, teaching people how to treat you. That's really what the, the principles are that I kind of put in place other things. If I can, if I can respond really quickly, move on and it's out of my head, then, then I'll do that or I'll try to delegate that to where the best work is best placed. Sometimes I'm not the person that's best placed to do the work. And so I really try to be very active in doing that so that people can take the work, they learn and grow and become self sufficient helps me out, I can start focusing on other things. And so that's one of the things that I do is I purposefully not respond immediately to everything.

And that sounds to me like great communication. And I, I'm saying that on purpose because I see in, in our work, the work at WorkWell and even in my keynote speaking and the work I do with organizations in that regard, I see a lot of really bad or poor communication. I want to use the word bad, but just really ineffective communication. People that could simply, as you say, help other people to understand, train, teach them how to, how to, you know, sort of the ABCs of me so that the, the communication is, is much more effective because it's, it's clear. So if they know, for example, hey, if it's something that's going to require my focus and attention, it's going to take me longer to respond as opposed to something that I might be able to tick off really quickly. I'm a fan of, like when somebody sends me an email and I know I'm not going to get to it because I've actually got to, first of all, read it, digest it, come up with a thoughtful response. That's how I am too. I don't want to, you know, otherwise I will just say received. And so, you know, and sometimes thank you, you know, thank you, and I'll get back to you. Sometimes I might say, I'm not going to probably get to this or get back to you for a week. You know, like, if it's, if we need to have a conversation, you know what I mean? So, and that, and that literally takes like 10 seconds. So I have personally part of my, my own spiritual. My path in life is to be more patient and patient with myself and patient with other people. And so even when I hear people say I'm buried in my emails, I'm like, if you saw what my email looked like, I mean, like, I don't know how buried you could be. Like, sometimes it's just a matter of going through them and going, not now, not now, not now, not now. But it's not good communication when other people don't know that that's your process or you haven't told them, hey, thank you, got it, get back to you. You know, and it's like, what does that take to just close the loop and create that clean communication versus the ghosting or the silence that often exists. Right. Are you seeing that? Do you see that among, in, among your peers too? Right?

I mean, yeah, I mean, I think it's a couple of different things, you know, one is stakeholder management. You know, it is just good etiquette, so to speak, or Just good stakeholder management to acknowledge when someone sent you something that you received it or, hey, well, I'm going on vacation. I mean, I get to this until next week, but this person can help you in the interim. You don't forego those things. You know what I mean? But I think that that's. You need to do that. I mean, I think that just. I agree with you. That's good, strong communication. And not everyone does it. Right?

No.

Right. But if I'm, if I'm in the headspace of boundaries, right, And I'm on vacation and believe me, I practice this and I flunk attitude sometimes because I'm picking my battles. But if I know that I'm meant to be on vacation and I've got an out of office and it already says that I'm not available and something comes through, I need to let other people handle it, the business will manage, they'll manage without me. And I need to also let other people know that they can make decisions without me. And so that's like an example of where, you know, like, I can let that kind of ride and you already have my automatic, you know, response because, you know, I'm out of town.

Exactly.

But when I'm okay, like something's very urgent, you know, and, you know, I need to pipe in so that because I see things spinning, you know, and not necessarily getting resolved, then I might pick and choose when to, you know, to inject myself into the conversation. But at the same time, I'm still giving you an idea that I'm not going to just respond to you two seconds after you sent me a note. Right. You have to learn that.