Candid Conversations with Host Adrienne Barker, MAS - Sponsored by www.PromoIndustry.Guru

Hilaire for a second time, because that's, I guess, how good I am, right? That Deborah and I were going to talk about my hosting Adrienne's P's and Q's back on www.fordivas.com. But Deb, hi! We both have a different background, a true real, real back— real background. So you're in your book room office, right? Are those What are those cassettes behind you?

Up there?

Yeah.

Where? Right behind.

No. Okay, they look like skinny books. Oh, the other side. Yeah, right there, right there. They look like skinny books.

Huh.

Oh, maybe not, maybe not. They look skinny. Look like you have a library.

I do.

I am in a new area. Look at me. I know, I like new area. Alana, my interior. So now we really know her path in life. It's going to be interior decorating, but it could be commercial, it could be for restaurants. It could really— she's good. She redid the whole place, our whole apartment that we live in here in Daytona Beach, and made it so much more cozier and comfortable. She created a whole space for me. Yeah, she's good. And colored her hair.

There's something to do too that she enjoys, so that it's a double win. It's a win-win.

And she's good at it too. She really is.

She's got an eye.

Win, win, win. My sister—

I missed somebody's birthday yesterday. Whose birthday was it yesterday?

Alan's birthday. Alan's birthday. He's older than me now.

All right, special birthday.

Deb says happy birthday, Al. We couldn't figure out— we were going to get a cake, and then we stopped at this really wonderful place, Perrine's, here in town. They're one of those places that donate and they donate to my friend Healthy Souls International. So we wanted to support them. And then we were in front of the pie section and there was chocolate meringue and lemon meringue. And so we ended up getting both so we could eat pie all week long. That's what we're doing.

Well, that's fun as long as you don't throw them at each other.

So give us a piece of your pie. What's going on? Oh wow, there's a weird light.

Last time we were talking, I didn't finish telling you why, um, the Devolution was born. And I wanted to finish that story because I kind of ended it on a sad note. So I went through all this stuff, and all this time I've heard women talking mean to each other and treating people that are their friends differently when they're with other people. And I've just seen women not be very nice to each other. And a couple of times I've had to excuse myself from events Um, because I— and I said, you know what, I don't gossip and I don't want to be part of this. And I've said that to those women. So after I got knocked down, like I said, and it took me that whole year to recover, um, I, I wrote my book, Devolution: The Evolution and Revolution of the Diva. And then I started the radio show, The Devolution, and then it became a movement. So So that's how the Devolution came about. It's, it's about building women up, focusing on the good, non-judgmental, and helping and lifting each other up. So it's a really positive thing, and you're really welcome to join it. Facebook, it's Devolution. Buy my book if you want to. It's The Devolution: The Evolution and Revolution of the Diva. And it's fun. We have a really good time. We have a philanthropic group called the Devolution Project that we do something good for ourselves and for our community quarterly. I have to figure out how we're going to meet this month.

You're Zooming it.

Yes. So lots of, lots of cool things came from that, which is what I wanted to say. So if, if you look at all the lessons that life teaches you, what are you going to do with them? You're either going to be sad or you're going to make something of them and figure that all that stuff happened for a reason. So that's what I did.

Okay, so I want to have a conversation about this. I do think that as we get older, we're able to— we want to lift women up. And there seems to be— and correct me if I'm wrong— there feels— there seems to be an age group, and I'm going to kind of lay it out there, that age group between 25 and 35 where maybe I'll use the word cutthroat if that's okay, maybe a feeling of, um, that I have to step on someone to, to get a step higher, where we know that's not true. And then in your 40s and 45, you kind of start realizing you still could be cranky And you still could be at that age not nice to each other. No, because we see that. And then as you get over the age of 50, you tend to want to all of a sudden you're like, who can I mentor? Who can I help? And, and, and that seems to be the all— like for me, it's always like, okay, who in this room do I feel that I want to help them grow? And so tell me, what do you think when I just said that? Am I, am I correct? Am I wrong?

I, I— you're absolutely correct. And I think it's changing slowly, but if you think about it, when we get out of school, we're always in competition. We're in competition to be the best in our class. We're in competition to be the best baseball player. We're in competition to be the best tennis star. We're in competition to get a job, the best job we can when we get out of college. It's always a competitive thing. And so it's like driven into our heads. I don't think it used to be like that until we entered the workforce and we had to compete with men. So that mentality, I think, as our 30-year-olds are coming up and there's some mean girls in their 30s, I have to admit, 20s and 30s. But you know what? Research has shown that it's also the loneliest group and the group most likely to need relationships. Which is really weird to me. Yes, between 25 and 30.

I had a situation, it's funny. So I started the family business and then in 1989 or '88, '89, I went to work for Muscular Dystrophy Association. I was in the office in Glastonbury, Connecticut, and it was run by a man and he was amazing and the team was like incredible. And then I got the opportunity to be the district director, which is a big role in in Southern Connecticut, and I went there. And at that time, our, like, person above the district director, I think was the RA, they were— she was a woman. She was brutal. I mean, brutal. And it was a power trip for her. So what she would do is she would ask her secretary to, like, come in to, like, get a file that was, like, right next to her. Like, instead of wanting to be that person that could do it themselves and be that role model. And actually, what I love to do is get coffee for other people. I want to show that leaders, that's what you do. You can do that. You want to make— you want to be the mentor. You want to be the— oh my God, I'm losing my brain today. We want to be— give me that. Come on.

Examples.

Thank you. You're good. You should play that game, charades. I want to play with you. So we have to be the example. Exactly. So the example would be that. So, so then I got pregnant. And I'm still in this office and I'm, I'm doing fine. I'm holding my own and I'm not letting her really like trip me up because even at that age I was fairly strong and I knew that what, like she was just off. And then I was working so hard and I'm pregnant and I'm like almost an hour away from the office. So I'm spending my own money so I could stay closer if I had board meetings. I mean, I was killing it in that office. And then one day I came in late and she gave me a hard time and you know what? I called right up, like right underneath Jerry Lewis. I called that man, that man underneath. And I said, I need to file a report. This woman is out of control. Because also what happens is, because I was thinking, well, I'm not, I'm not talking to her about it. I was allowing her to do it. And even though her personality wasn't rubbing off on me and her attitude wasn't rubbing off on me, I knew at that point that, okay, she is just taking advantage of me. And that's another thing. So you have to find that balance of making sure that you stick up for yourself. And not thinking to yourself, well, it doesn't really bother me that much. And things trickle down, things trickle down. Even if you have a male as a leader, if that male is a horrible leader and not great, it's going to trickle down to all the staff. But I definitely want to focus on women because I think that this is such an important conversation because we're seeing it and we don't want that to happen. We want our younger women that are in business to flourish and to succeed. And by doing that, you got to use the word we. Never use the word right. Don't say my, you know, it's not your chamber, it's not your, your group, it's not your, it's not— always say our, right? Say we, you know. I often say we, our. I just want to point that out because that's really important because you— it's nothing is ours that, you know, you don't own a group, you don't own people, you don't own peeps. And that's, and that's professionalism. So you want to hold yourself up. Let's, let's go back and forth.

That sounds like something you could talk about on Adrian's P's and Q's.

Oh, can we, can we go have a little fun? The chamber this morning, the Daytona Chamber had a question. What advice would you give? Can you and I, this is like a Jimmy Fallon kind of thing. No, um, let's go back and forth and see how, how often we, let's, let's keep doing it and see how far we get. Advice that we would give the young women. All right, you go first.

Young women, when you're in business, please respect older women that have been in business for a longer time or even are just starting their business, because I guarantee that they know things that you don't know. And welcome them in and allow them to mentor and share in your ideas because they have a different way of looking at things. And baby boomers one of your target audiences?

You don't have to have the last word.

That's it.

Yeah, you don't have to have the last word on email. I was bad about that. I always felt I had to have the last word. I had to be the last one. And then it becomes this, like, sorry, I'm getting my coffee. Hi. It has to be the last word. So emails, talk, whatever it is, you don't have to have the last word. That took a long time for me to learn.

Right, right. Don't get mad. You know, if something really angers you or you don't agree with it, think about why it happened. And you can like pout around for a little bit, but snap out of it and move on. And don't get mad.

Oh, I love that. Okay. I'm next. Wear a little lipstick.

That's important. Yes, that's good. That— my turn. Uh, where I can— I don't know if I can top wear a little lipstick. Dress casual once in a while, for God's sake.

Oh, I love that. Oh, oh, you see? Oh. Wait, come here, get closer so you can see your red hair. Come here, it's Debbie. Come here. Okay, so Deborah, I was telling her, come down to the computer.

I like it. I, I really like it. I did mine that color once and I loved it. I really like it. It looks really cute.

Thank you. She did it herself.

She's good woman.

You can color your hair yourself and save a ton of money. But also support your local hairstylist and colorist, right?

Don't be judgmental.

Oh no, wait, you said don't be judgmental and something else.

That's it, don't be judgmental.

I like that a lot, I like that a lot. Okay, uh, quick, I only have like 10 seconds, I feel it's going down. Don't create circles when you're in a networking event. Make sure you open it up. Always think to yourself, am I closing people in? Let me have— be open so other people can come in and join our group. Let me welcome other women in too.

Amen to that. Okay, last one. If you're in a networking situation and there's somebody that's standing by themselves, go talk to them.

That's what I did with Maria, and I'm so proud of her with Healthy Souls International. Ask if they'll be your friend for the next hour and a half. I bet you they'll be your friends for a long, long time.

You know, I, I met some wonderful people from doing that that were new to the area or whatever, and it just makes them feel good, and, and in the long run, it makes you feel good that you did it.

The other thing is having a coach is important, and that Find someone that will coach you and then help someone, be a mentor to someone younger than you or new in the business. Reach out and say, if you ever have questions, let me help you.

Very good. Very good. You know, it's International Coaches Week this week.

Oh, it is? Oh, I love that.

I, is it my, and we're going to keep doing this.

Um, yeah, I'd like to, cause it's fun. Message Jimmy Fallon.

Okay, um, that— that meditate. Is that what— can you see my shirt?

No, be careful of showing too much of your boobs.

That's right. All of a sudden I remember when I— can I tell you a story real quick?

Yes, please.

When I, when I was in real estate, I always made sure that you couldn't see anything because that's where the guy would always focus, and then the wife wouldn't like you.

Oh, so true.

So it's very unprofessional. And nowadays, man, they are letting them hang out.

Yeah, very true. You are coming in weird. You're like, um Yeah, you are like a, like a, like a default. Hold on for one second. I'm going to just turn you off and then turn you back on. Okay, Debbie, let me go. I'm going to take you off for a second and see if that'll help. And now I'm going to turn you back on. Oh, now let me get you in. Hold on. Sometimes these Zooms are funny. Okay, let me hear you. Yeah, it's easy to be distracting.

Yes. Yes, and women don't like that. I mean, if you want to befriend women, don't be walking around with your boobs hanging out.

I know, that was, you know, it's weird that there was a very lovely, very intelligent woman in Tucson. She was amazing, and she was consistently— and I was like, oh, like, really? Like, yeah, no, like, it doesn't make sense to me. I, I don't— I mean, you know, showing a little bit is fine, but just be, be careful. Not in your personal time. When you're on your personal time, you're on whatever, right? Whatever. But if you are a speaker, especially speaking, high, high heels and you're not comfortable walking on them, and a lot of dangly jewelry, you have to be careful of distractions. You really want it to be all on you. And by the way, I have a tip on speaking too. May I give a speaker's tip?

Certainly.

So if you're going to come out, I see this often that you're going, and I'm actually going to be auditioning for Elevate, kind of like a TED Talk here, but it's with PowerPoint. But one of the things I want to say is when you're coming out, don't do the old, oh, thank you for that bio, or let's give a hand to the blah blah blah. Come out and be cool. Like, so my opening will be something like this. Nobody respects you, Adrian. Nobody wants to work with you, Adrian. Nobody likes you, Adrian. Those are the words I heard for years growing up, right? Good.

Yes, very good.

Be captivating. Look around for a second, take a pause, and don't do what everyone else does. And that is my tip because I see a lot of speakers and they're coming out and now we actually have to audition via Zoom or, you know, whatever program that we have. So even that's even more important. You can't stare at everyone because usually when I do an etiquette presentation, I could have a little fun because I could be like, there's a troublemaker in the crowd, I got my eyes on you. Or I'll walk around and see who will stand up. I have literally stood in front of people and they're like, And I'm like, up, up, up. And remember that, that's another tip. Always stand. If you're a young woman, if you are the ability to stand up when someone is approaching you, stand up, because that's going to be more important than anything now because you can't hold out your hand. So standing up is a one big way to say, I respect you, I'm gonna stand for you. Want to do some etiquette tips before we go? Let's do some, let's bounce some etiquette tips off.

Okay, new etiquette. New— yeah, new change. When you have a scheduled Zoom call or meeting, make sure that you look good from the waist up.

I love that. Oh, they call the desk up too. I love that. If you have a Zoom and scheduled meeting, try to go in on time. Make sure you're going in on time because the host has to let you in. But if you said you're going to go and you're going to be late, still go. Better late than never.

I agree with that. So another thing on a Zoom thing, if you're having a problem getting in that room, let the hosts know because at least they'll know that you are trying to make it. Sometimes those links are lame.

Interesting. If you're on a Zoom call and you notice that like 90% of the other Zoom callers in, the Zoom attendees don't have their video on, don't have your video on. The focus is then at that point, you could realize that the focus is supposed to be on the speaker and you don't want to have to have the host go through and have to like make sure everyone's up. Be respectful. Also, I'm gonna throw this one at Debbie, but I have another one.

I'm out.

Okay, the other thing, Deb, is consistently look and make sure that your microphone is turned off, because there's nothing more embarrassing. Because by the way, when your microphone turns on, you end up on center stage, and I see that often. So what I do is periodically I make sure that I didn't hit something to turn it off, because I don't want to be that person.

And that—

it's not like the worst thing in the world. I mean, my gosh, the world's not going to come crumbling down, but But I just don't want to be that person. So I consistently make sure now if I am on a Zoom call and we're all looking at each other, it's cocktail, but I need to step away, I will turn my video off. Do not do this.

Don't do this. That's another really good thing for Adrienne's P's and Q's, Zoom etiquette. Everybody needs that right now.

We need Zoom etiquette. We also still need our email etiquette because now we have— because now our ability to I'm getting so much email. I know, I know. Time— so we're all very active, and I think that it's really important not to assume that somebody is busier than you. Never do that. You don't know. So if you're saying to someone, I'm so busy, blah blah blah blah blah, that person could be just as busy. I, I am active, and if I have downtime, I play. I played this weekend. I really had a good time. I played this weekend because my friend from Ari said, you know, it's okay to play a little bit. I'm thinking, you know, it is. But I still got like 5— I got 5 new websites. I bought 5 websites, transferred all of them, created 2 new websites, which is unbelievable myself. So I become like a website queen and still doing my marketing all weekend.

But I saw you, I mean, on Facebook.

Yeah, but we're all, um, but everyone is doing that. And even again, I always said, if even if you're just home with 3 children under the ages of 3 That's crazy active. We don't even know what that's like, Depp and I, because we haven't had that done in a long time. I don't know, kids. I was at the beach and— oh my God, beach etiquette too. We do really— let's pick up back. Adrian, did you send me the contract? I don't remember seeing it.

I did.

Oh, you did? Oh, I'm gonna—

okay, I'm gonna sign on and then tell me and I'll, I'll send you another one.

I don't delete, but I want to ask you a question. What are the times that you have available?

For Adrian's P's and Q's? Yeah, we're kind of doing things a little differently moving forward, and we're turning more toward being a podcasting channel. Oh, so I'll give you the times available. We're still gonna go live with the, um, with the, uh, live show, you know, with your new one and, and then it will be added to the archives. So I don't think— I do not think that we're going to continue with the constant streaming.

Okay, that's fine.

I think I would like to do this in Zoom and record the new, new ones live so that people will know when to tune in for your new live one, and then it will be put into the archives.

Could we have guests? Yes. All right, so we could have guests calling in, we could take questions. I think it's important. I was on the beach this weekend and the beach is absolutely beautiful. The beach lifeguard is amazing. Lifeguards, they, they're heroes too. There are— they are— this woman, she, she really had to have her eyes all over the place because I don't understand parents. They— the surf is really heavy and kids in one second could fall down and lose their grip and go out. Parents need to watch their kids. And I'm watching her going, I hope she's making enough money because she has a really strong responsibility on her back, and she was taking it 100% seriously. And in 2 hours, she never dropped her focus. So like break time, like having a break, like— so I want to talk about beach etiquette. There's so many things in life we got to get out of the habit of thinking it's all about us. It's all about we. Switch your eyes, switch your eyes to we. Switch your Us to us. What's the other ones? Switch your me's to we's. Is there a little skip?

Mine to ours.

Mine to ours. Oh, I'm just losing it now.

Yours to mine.

Yes, that's thinking that I'll say what's mine is your— what's mine is mine, what's yours is mine, what's ours. That's nice.

All right, all right.

I love you. Thank you. Wait, can I tell you about some new things that are coming up? Of course you can, absolutely.

Okay, good. Well, the first thing, um, I want to talk about is this new program that I'm having. Oh, Deb, it's called, um, Wellness Mentor Program with Deborah, and it is a 90-day health and wellness transformation for the whole family because we're kind of all shut in right now, and I should have come out with it earlier, but it took me a while to build it. And it includes eating, meditation, activities, um, fitness, mental fitness, happiness, and sleep.

I love this.

So it's pretty much all-encompassing, and we're gonna— I'm gonna offer it for a discount to the first 6 people— well, I need 6 more people to study for a new book that I'm doing. Oh, and the— so it's going to be— the usual price is $2,785, but for the next 6 people, it's going to be $1,114.

Wow, wow, wow.

90 days, that's really good. And I'm offering it all week because it's International Coaches Week. So I'm going to be offering that all week. And the other thing I'm really excited to tell you about is a new website that we're starting. It's a teaching website and a— it's a mentoring, teaching, and tribe website. So we're going to have all those things there. It's called mybodymindspirit.com.

Wait, you got that? Ah, come on, you believe it? I know I can't. You really got that? Nobody had that site. That's crazy. Wait, let me see. Hold on, Deb, you're— wait, hold on, hold on for one second. Hold on for one minute. You really got that site?

Yeah. You want me to tell you how it came to me?

Yeah, I mean, who— that's crazy.

So one day— I've been wanting to do something like that for a long time, where you can just go someplace and, and meet people and talk to them in a chat room. And if you want to take a fitness class, take that. If you want to take a meditation class, take that. So it's going to be a membership site. But anyway, I've been— what I've been dreaming about it for probably a year, longer than that even. And one day I was meditating and a voice said to me, try Body Mind Spirit. So I said, okay. So I finished meditating and I went to GoDaddy and I put in, it's my Body Mind Spirit. It's not just Body Mind Spirit, it's my Body Mind Spirit. And it was there. It was available. Crazy. So I got it. And the website is being professionally built right now. So it'll have a forum in it and all these different classes. And mentorship programs that you can take.

Wow.

You might want to have something on there, like, wouldn't a business etiquette, business protocol class be perfect in there?

It would be great. I love the whole— I love the concept.

Thank you.

That is great.

Thank you.

If you have a marketing team, I'd be happy to donate my time to help. Oh, good idea.

Thank you very much. I'll take you up on that. Thank you.

Yeah, that's really great. That is really— I love it. This site, Belive, is having some problems with it again, so I don't know if it's a day, but I love you, Deb. So, all right, I'll find the paperwork so we could get signed up for me to do the, um, Adrienne's P's and Q's, because I think that's great, and I'd like to do it on your platform because you're my first, and I like to stick with loyal. I think we need it. I think we absolutely need it. There's so many different things that we have to make sure we just have to— we have to just need it. Now I am doing— look, I got color this weekend. It was so nice.

I love it. You can use it.

Thank you. We need you to get to the beach too. Maybe you come visit me.

Okay.

You know what, I was in Daytona Beach this weekend. I looked and I said, yes, I'm staying here. I'm gonna stay here. I'm gonna run for city council. I love it here. It is really— it was the first time looking around I really felt like Home base.

I, I—

home base.

I'm happy to hear that, although I wish you would come to Michigan because we'd have a blast. I know it's too cold. I know.

You know what, we could ask my buddy Sam Pollack and we could do a women's retreat here, and it would really be a great thing to do. The prices are amazing. And let's—

let—

why don't you book a retreat and then you could also have your mind-body And, and so that— I think women would love that all over. So might as well somewhere where it would be a popular place to go, right?

Okay, it's a deal.

I'll give you the people. I'll give you, I'll give you the peeps that can help you, uh, book everything nicely at a good price.

Okay.

All right.

Love you.

I love you.

Thank you.

Have a good rest of the day. Happy Monday. Thank you.