Superstar Guest Celia Kibler, Celia Kibler Family Empowerment Coach,Founder, Pumped Up Parenting

Hi everyone, today is Monday, 2/22, February 22nd. My parents, my parents, my mom and dad, Herb and Gloria Barker, their favorite number in life was 222. So I love that. So everyone knows I'm a parent of an almost 15-year-old daughter, my youngest, and I'm happy, proud to say 58 years old with an almost 15-year-old, which you know, like I could be the grandmother but I'm not. So I am really, really super stoked right now because we've got Celia Kibler here talking about pumped-up parenting and the yelling part of it, helping us to not yell, which I don't think I yell. My daughter will say you yell, so that's kind of like almost, Celia, like where I want to start with this. So hello, and first of all, tell us where you are.

Well, hello, hello, and hello to all your viewers. I am in just outside of Baltimore, Maryland, so I'm here on the East Coast of the United States with a little bit of snow and, you know, lots of cold weather.

So what made you start this whole parenting journey?

Well, I am also a parent. I'm a parent of 5 children— 2 I gave birth to and 3 I gained through marriage. And I am a grandma to 9 children. And I am not too far off from your age. I actually just turned 63 a few days ago. And I co-founded a kids fitness company with my sister back in 1987 called Fun Fit. And so for decades, I've worked with kids and their parents, and I've really seen Parenting styles change over that time. And I guess about round— I have always coached parents. They've always asked for advice. I've always helped them. But in 2016, I decided, you know, I should be doing this for a living because I've raised 5 amazing children through a blended marriage. We've been successful in all of it. They're, they're great parents. I, I've lived through almost every type of issue that comes up during somebody's parenting journey. I found successful solutions to those problems, and since I'm giving advice anyway, I might as well make it my business. And I love it. I was— I'm from a wonderful set of parents, but my dad was a yeller and he shouted a lot at us and at my mom. And certain things result when you get yelled at as a child. A lot of things result, a lot of voices in your head. And so I decided decided to go on a mission to stop a million parents from yelling at their kids. And that's like my heart and soul.

So what kind of trauma does evolve around yelling at your children?

What happens to a child when you yell at them? And I'm sure, um, for you listeners, I mean, think about it. If you were yelled at, I want you to think, do you feel this way? Because number one, kids feel like they never do anything right. When they're yelled at constantly, they constantly second-guess themselves. And you wind up second-guessing yourself into adulthood. I mean, I actually did it the other day, and my husband even said to me, why are you second-guessing yourself? Because even now, even as, you know, in tune as I am with myself, it's still— that still comes up. And you second-guess yourself. You feel like you're not good enough. You think that you're not worthy of anything, worthy of love, worthy of success. None of those things exist for you. You lack confidence, you lack self-esteem. And basically the really sad part that happens is when a child is constantly yelled at, they don't hate their parents, they grow up hating themselves. And whoa, huge, huge destruction.

Repeat that one more time. That's a wow.

I'm just gonna repeat it one more time. One more time: when children are constantly yelled at and called names and live in an aggressive household, they do not grow up hating you, they grow up hating themselves.

Well, if that doesn't stop someone from yelling— so, okay, so my first question is this. So let's just take my age, 58 years old. You're just a slightly little bit older. Was it more common that our parents were yellers more compared to today's parents?

I think it depends on the parents. I think it was more, um, it was okay, you know, with society if you spanked your kids, if you yelled at them. You know, a lot of cultures think that's the only way you'll get your kids to listen. I mean, how many people think if I don't yell, they don't listen? That's like, you know, out of almost every mouth of a parent, and it's simply not true. But, you know, back in the day when I was raised, when you were raised, you know, yelling was okay. People yelled, people spanked. There was none of this, you know, um, are you abusing your child? So that, that for the most part, unless you weren't drastically abusing your child, wasn't— didn't even come into play. You were the parent, you were allowed to parent however you want to parent. And in the case of my dad, he came from a father who was physically and mentally abusive, and he— gratefully, he did not carry that physical abuse into our family, but he did certainly carry the mental abuse.

So the yelling part— so my daughter said to the other day, actually, she's like, you yell. And I'm like, I really don't yell. But I wonder if her perception of yelling— because I really, you know, I raising the 3 older boys, sure. I'm sure I yelled, but at 58 years old, I'm pretty calm and pretty cool and like I don't really feel like I'm screaming, but I don't even know what yelling kind of looks like anymore because I really— I would go on the stand and say I do not yell. Maybe I raise my voice a little higher, but I don't like— I don't know. It's weird to say, but can you like— what does yelling look like?

For children, like when you're screaming, you know, if you ask a parent, you'll say, why do you yell? And they'll say, well, you know, I asked them nicely and I used my manners the first time and then nothing happens. And then I go back and I use my manners second time and nothing happens. And I do that the third and the fourth time. By the fourth time, I'm screaming, get off your game system and come down for dinner, you know. And it's a rude type of communication. It's aggressive. We are not using our manners. We are not smiling. We are not being calm and pleasant. We are raging. As opposed to speaking firmly to a child. You know, I tell parents, you know, in my book, Raising Happy Toddlers, if your child goes to hit you, you grab their arm and you say, firmly to them, eye to eye, "I will not let you hit me." Not, "In this house, we don't hit," that, that, that. No, no. You are the mommy. You are the daddy. I will not let you hit, period. But you're not yelling. You're being firm. You know, I'll tell you a funny example. So I do birthday parties in my FunFit programs. And I did a birthday party for 39-year-olds. Yes, 30 of them. And it was outside. Now, clearly I had to be a little loud outside. I'm a loud person anyway, you know. And, um, at the end of the party, this little 9-year-old walks over to his mom and goes, Mom, that was the best party. I really like Miss Celia. I really like her. She's a little bossy. But I really like her. So I tell parents, that's what you need to be. You need to be a little bossy. But, but being firm is a lot different than screaming and yelling aggressively out of control. When you are yelling, you are not in control of your emotions.

All right. So I'm sure I am guilty of that and I need to work more on it because it's, it's the day that you wrote to me. To, to speak. Literally, it was the same time that I was having the, you know, my issues with my daughter. And it is really hard. I'd like to like talk about like teens right now because they're home. Well, like she goes to school, but a lot of them are home. My little granddaughter in Connecticut is home, and there's so much anxiety, so much stress for them. And so my daughter is really dealing with all of that, and part of her stress is the fact that She does tell me everything, but then her friends are like, oh, you tell your— like, she's getting insulted for it. So now she's like hiding it. And so she'll say, well, I'm not— I don't tell you everything. And almost using it to like for her own like sense of, I think, stability. I know I'm not using the right word, stability. But so she'll say to me, well, I don't tell you everything. You don't know everything about me. And I'm thinking to myself, I really do. I mean, do I know everything when you're in high school? I mean, you kind of came out of my little hoochie and I know who you are. So, but I don't want to— I'm really being sensitive to her right now because of all the stress.

She's, she's being, you know, she's saving face with her friends because, you know, one of the things we have to remember about the human brain is the human brain doesn't fully develop until you're 25 years old. And this is super important, and I tell parents this all the time, because you have to realize that you are never speaking to an adult. None of these children from 2 to 12 to 18, are they adults yet? They are not working with fully developed brains. It is our job to teach them. With a teenager, you get 3 bonus things that pop into the brain. And those 3 bonus things, and everyone that has a teenager is going to go, oh, uh-huh, I get it, is friends take priority. Sorry, do not take it personally, parents, is not against you. It's just their brain is wired for friendship. Number 2, taking risks is elevated in their brain. It becomes a part of their wiring that they can take risks, which is why if you think back to your, your teenagerhood, You, you were a lot more willing to do some crazy things than you are now. And number 3, they have an incredibly powerful sense to belong. And I'm telling you, parents, if you don't let them know that they are part of this family and this is where they belong and this is where the people that love you have your back, they'll go find someplace to belong and it's not going to be good. It's not going to be anywhere you want them belonging to. So for kids, to answer your question, Adrian, for teenagers, they also have to save face. They have to be cool. You know, we were all cool teenagers or not. And, you know, but, you know, so I always tell parents to give your kids permission to slam you. You know, give your kids permission to be cool. And use you as a scapegoat and be like, you know, like if they're at a party and they don't feel comfortable and they want to go home, create like some kind of signal that says, help, come pick me up, and use the excuse, go, oh my gosh, my dumb mom. Let them call you names. Who cares? Doesn't have anything to do with reality. Has to do with them saving face with their friends, which is vitally important in the teenage years. You know, so let them say, oh, my stupid mom, she always wants to come get me at this time. We have a special popcorn movie night at 11 o'clock on Saturdays, whatever. You know, let them do anything because it is not intentional. It is not meant to hurt you. Do not take it personally, please. It is meant to get them safely out of a situation that they don't feel comfortable in and saving face with their friends and not being made fun of or bullied or ridiculed, you know, because that's, that's going to be what's destructive to their, their soul. So, wow.

I, I have a really strong memory of being downstairs. I remember my mom was standing by the washer and dryer in like the basement of our house, and I had the phone. So it must have had— I don't— I must either have the phone or I was— I don't know, but I remember I was like the phone that the cut— my friend could hear me and And I remember saying to my mom, "Oh, I want to go out," and blah, blah, blah. But I was like saying, "No, I really don't want to go out." And my mom read me and she said, "No, honey, you can't go out." But the sad part of that story is that night, this beautiful girl, my friend, ended up getting into a car accident and the person that she was in the— I know. So it was like, it was crazy because I was that close to going out with her. But my mom must have understood at the time.

And God bless your mom for reading your signals.

My mom. But the other thing I remember at that age, and I kind of understand this with my daughter too, is that I remember— I, this actually kind of went a little bit older too, even past the 25— is just not liking that my mom knew more than me. And that— and I don't understand why, like, I don't understand my feeling, but I see that with my daughter, that in her mind, you know, I don't really know anything. And so she's trying to kind of create this illusion to herself that What do I know? What does my mom know? She doesn't know anything. Is that also kind of normal?

It is very normal because of course everybody thinks they're living their own life, which they are technically, but we've all lived it too. And so a great way to get around that is if you find your child in a scenario where, you know, they're talking about, they're questioning it, whatever, bring up something similar that happened to you when you were a teenager. You know, if they're, if they're like in a situation where somebody's offering them alcohol and they're like, well, I don't know if I should. We all were offered alcohol at some point in our teenage life. So bring that up, be authentic with your kids. You know what? I was at this woman's house and she offered me a drink and I hear she's drinking and this other person's drinking and I didn't want to drink. You know, and I felt so funny and I just decided to say no. I just told her it makes me sick and I throw up, you know, and that actually happens to be a true story. But, and I've never really drank. I don't like drinking and I've always been like the world's designated driver. But, you know, it's, you know, be authentic with them. Let them know this is how I felt. This is what You know, it's not that they're going through the identical thing, but they may be going through a similar thing, and it may give them a little more awareness into whatever it is they're, you know, struggling with.

Okay, and then one more personal question as I'm getting my free therapy going on.

Ask away.

All right, okay, so, so I, I do watch way too many TV shows. I was— I, I was, uh, Tucson, Arizona has a program called Sold No More, uh, Power Over Predators. So I learned that program and worked with the owner of that program. I feel I am consistently nervous. I am a horrible helicopter mom and I did have a situation, I'm embarrassed to tell you, last night. So my daughter wants to take walks at night and we have a beautiful community but I'm still nervous. So I said to her, so Saturday night we had the same thing and she's really mad at me because I ended up taking the walk with her and she was like, what are you doing? So I just said, Alana, blame it on life. Lifetime. I'm watching too many Lifetime movies. I'll just follow you. Don't worry about it, Alana. You know, at one point she's like, my husband drove because he was also feeling nervous. And then my daughter's like, get in the car with Dad. And I'm like, if I get in the car with Dad, we're just gonna like be 10 feet away from you following you in the car. So like, might as well have me walk. Anyways, last night I said, yes, Alana, go take a walk, because I have her Snapchat, so I see where she is on Snapchat. So now she's gone for about 55 minutes exactly, and I look on Snapchat and I say to my husband, get dressed, because we're like early birds. I'm like, get dressed, we gotta like walk because Alana's just standing in this, like, she's just standing there. And I'm like really nervous. So we go over, we kind of like, I see where, and I'm like, oh my God, I'm like, I am freaking out now. I'm knocking on people's doors like, is my daughter in there? Luckily nobody was home, which is kind of crazy. And then we walked back to where we lived She wasn't home yet, so then we go out. Now I'm on the phone with her boyfriend. I'm texting her, by the way, no response. And I said to my husband, I go, very well, could be that she— her phone is dead. But that doesn't stop me from like having this like terror feeling. So I mean, you know, I want to call the police. Like, I'm like, oh my God, where is she? Like, what do you do? And then like all of this is hitting me in the head. Like, I'm like totally scared. And then Alana calls me and she's like, "What are you doing? I'm home." So how do I help myself and help my daughter because yes, I will admit it on the show that I am a freak and I am really, really scared and I feel bad that I'm giving it to my daughter but she calls me. If she was here, she'd say my mom is a helicopter mom and she can't stand it. She feels like I'm not giving her any freedom and I'm truly not.

Okay, well, don't feel badly. Don't— I mean, do not think that you're alone in this. We all worry about our kids. My kids are all in their 30s, and you have older kids, and I'm sure you still worry about them. But the thing that we have to do as parents is we have to remember my tagline for Pumped Up Parenting is not put there by accident. My tagline is because we're raising adults, not children. And that's what you have to remember. You have to remember that you are raising an adult. They're already children. Your job is to raise a confident, self-sufficient, happy, kind, polite, you know, energetic grown-up. That's your job. And the problem is when you micromanage them and you constantly hover, you are not giving them the chance to learn and to grow and to gain their independence. What you should be doing is giving them proactive ways to keep themselves safe. You know, I just went live in my Pumped Up Parenting group on Facebook about stranger danger because I don't really agree with the word stranger danger because for the most part, everyone your child meets in life, the majority of them are strangers. The doctor's a stranger, the secretary of school's a stranger until you get to know them. This one's a stranger, your mailman's a stranger, your trash man's a stranger, your neighbor, it could be a stranger. So are you really going to make them live in fear their entire lives by assuming that everyone that's out there is a horrible human being and is out to get them? No, we want them to be friendly. We want them to smile at someone walking down the street. We want to say hello. We want them to be generous and polite and compassionate. So you need to teach them proactive ways of knowing when something doesn't feel right. When something doesn't feel right, you know and I know that we feel funny in our stomach. We get butterflies, we get anxious, our body tingles. We know, we feel the feelings that our brain generates throughout our body when something isn't right. And that's what you have to teach your children to recognize. And if something's not right, I don't care where you are, you run, run like a, you know, run like a wild person, just go, get out of there as much as you can. If you have a phone, you call for help. You know, if you, you go to someone's house and you know that's a safe place to go, go there. If there's somewhere, a store, a supermarket or something that you can go into, you go into. You get yourself safe. And you have to give them the tools that they need to be that way because we can't be with our kids every minute of the day. I mean, if we worry about their safety, they're, they're not with us in school. They're not with us, you know, at a neighbor's house. And honestly, the people that harm our kids the most, 75% of the people that harm kids are family. Family. So you're like, okay, well, they're over at their cousin's house for a sleepover. That's safe. And yet maybe it isn't. So, you know, we have to give them the tools they need to keep themselves safe. The little warning signals— I'll try to speak— that you have between each other that says, you know what, I'm in trouble, pick me up. You know, that ability to use you as an excuse, anything they need to keep them safe, because We can't be there with them all the time, unfortunately. And you also can't spend your life worrying that something's going to happen because for the most part, they're pretty safe. You know, you have to plant those good seeds so they make good decisions. They know good from bad, you know, and they make wise choices.

So I actually think, Celia, talking to you, that part of where I'm getting this worry is that I remember growing up, my mom was always so worried, like she would be the one that was up waiting for us to get home and Oh my God, I couldn't like ride a— I couldn't do anything. I have like— and you know what? And I feel proud that my 3 boys never broke a bone and I protected them, but this is starting to kill me. Like, I feel like I'm losing part of my soul and I like hate that feeling of fear. So what suggestions for me and other parents?

What I highly recommend you do is you sit down with your daughter, you and Alana sit down together. And say, Alana, honestly, like, if you were the mom and I was you, and, you know, you were going out and doing stuff, okay, you know, I hope you can understand that I get worried. I, you know, I want you to be safe. You're my baby. You're, you know, you're my blood. You're, you know, you— I— you came out of me. You, you were a part of me. And I honestly I don't want anything to happen to you. I know I can't be with you all the time, but I also don't want to keep you from living life. I don't want you to feel like you have to stay home all the time, or you can't go places, you can't be with your friends, you can't go have fun. I don't want you to feel that way. So I just want to sit down and talk about how I feel and be honest with you. I don't want to micromanage your life. I don't want to hover over you. But what can we do as a team together that we can put into place so that I know where you are and I feel safe with where you are and you know how to reach me and you know how to react if you feel unsafe? What, what do you suggest? And let her suggest stuff. Kids are Kids are crazy smart, you know. Let them brainstorm it with you. Guys can get a piece of paper. Someone can be, you know, the writer-downer, the recording secretary. I don't know if the writer-downer is—

I love the writer-downer. I will take this. This is great advice.

And like, brainstorm. Okay, we could do this. We're gonna— if we're in this situation, like, if there's a situation that she has that is normally one that causes you stress Just focus on that one. Okay, so here's the last time I felt like I was like nuts, you know, and she'll like that. She'll like that you're nuts, you know, we all like when our parents are going crazy. And let's put down all the ideas we have so that I can feel better when you're in that situation again, and that so you don't have to worry about me worrying about you. I mean, because you realize that she's got the now job. I gotta worry about Mom because Mom, I just know, I, I know she's, she's losing her head right now. I know she's like wondering where I am. She's traveling the streets in search of me, and here I am in my bedroom, and she doesn't even know it because she's gone on like massive search of her daughter. So, you know, teamwork. Teamwork.

Oh God, when you said that, it made me realize that that's— I'm just giving her more stress.

Yes, you are. Yes.

Oh, okay.

I'm sorry.

I appreciate this. So tell me, so what do you have for books? Tell me about your business, like your, your whole business setup. So we got—

oh good, you have my books. So here's Raising Happy Toddlers, How to Build Great Parents.

Are those pictures of kids that you know? Are they family or stuff?

They are 1,000% not pictures of children I know. And after I did this, I was like, why did I put my grandkids on there? Wouldn't that have been cute? I love it.

That's a cute book though. I love it.

I think because, because my daughter, my granddaughter's like, why come I'm not on here? Get mom. I'm like, well, that's a good question. But everyone needs it.

Every parent needs this book. So this book, so what is the age group for this book?

Well, it's, it's written like a manual. I mean, I literally wrote this book like a manual because parents always say, you know, kids don't come with a manual. Well, now they do. I wrote it. But, um, this book, it's targeted at toddlers, but the majority of this book is basically all the things you need in raising your children, any age. I mean, you'll see the comments on Amazon are like I have a 14-year-old and a 16-year-old, and this book helped me. I mean, you know, the chapter on potty training— hopefully if you have a 14-year-old, they're potty trained. If they're not, you know, there it is in the book. But I mean, there are chapters that absolutely are directed at toddlers. I'm dropping my books. And, um, you know, they, you know, they're specific to toddlers, you know, breaking habits, you know, hopefully are Your 20-year-old's not sucking on a pacifier anymore, but you know, if they are, that's not the worst thing in life. You know, there could be a lot worse things than sucking on pacifier at 20.

But you know, this is a good Mother's Day gift.

It is. It's a great— or a new mom gift. The majority what's in here is getting your family on the same page, how to do family meetings, what happens if your child talks back, What's the difference between tattling and telling? You know, all the things, because, you know, people think these things like throwing a tantrum. I'd be willing to bet you and I and all the people listening could think of an adult they know that recently threw a tantrum. Tantrums do not— they are not, you know, just toddlers. Plenty of grown-ups throw tantrums. And, you know, how do you react to it? And the way you react to a tantrum of a toddler is the same way you're going to react with a coworker who is also throwing a tantrum, you know. And so it's, it's a book for all ages. It is targeted toddler because of course, if you can start this early, that's going to be your best solution, but it's never too late to start. It is never too late to start. I love that.

I just want to say, I remember reading, I loved reading like the month, like, you know, the 22 months, 23 months, 2-year-old, 3-year-old, they stop. I can't, I went to go Google 14 13-year-olds, there's some stuff in there but it really is harder to find. But I definitely just want to repeat this again that, you know, if you're planning on having a baby or if you have a family member or friend that's having a baby, this book would be excellent. I wish I could go back and— oh, my son, my little Axel, my little grandson. Oh, Alex, I'll get you a book, honey. Sorry. You guys need this book. This is great.

And I have 3 children's books out, All About Me. Wait, tell me about that one.

What is that? What's All About Me about? Wait, what's All About Me about?

It's fun. So All About Me is about, um, like a day in the life of a kid. I, I'm like a crazy poet, like I rhyme everything to the, to the annoyance of all my children and grandchildren because I, I like, I'll say something and then I have to like keep going and rhyme it because I'm like obsessed with— like, it'll come out in like kind of a rhythm, a rhythm. I have to keep going. And they're like, Mom, stop it, you should be a rapper. I always write the poems of the family, so when there's a major life event, there's a poem. So yeah, I write a lot of poems. But, um, so All About Me is like a day in the life of a child, and you know, this is my toothbrush and this is my These books are geared towards toddlers. I am grateful because I am all about gratitude. I mean, I think you should be practicing daily gratitude with your child regardless of the age because that's how they appreciate what they have and they're not always wanting more. That's how you grow up, how you, how you create a grown-up that is grateful and appreciative of their life and the world around them. And then lastly, and I wrote this when all of the racism and anti-racism broke out in the spring of last year, I wrote Being Different Is Fun.

Wow.

That's all about, you know, recognizing, being willing that just because someone's different, that's when you want to learn about them and talk to them. And, you know, you may just find out that there's your best friend. And, you know, asking questions no matter what's different about them. You know, I used to wear a body brace from 8th grade to 9th grade for scoliosis from my neck to my hips. And I was happy when people would say, why do you wear that? You know, why do you have that brace? So you learn more and then you're like, oh, so you have curves and you're fine. Okay, well, that's good. You have a brace, you know, and it's, it's good to get to know people, not just assume. You know what happens when we assume, you know, what they're like.

You know, I think that's beautiful.

It has great qualities.

I worked for Muscular Dystrophy Association for over 10 years, and we had a program, Everyone's Different, Nobody's Perfect. And I wonder if they would be interested in that book that, you know, and we would go in the schools and do presentations on that to the, to the younger kids. So that— I love that you, you've written books like this. I think that it makes so much sense. When my mom— when I turned 13 and all my friends turned 13, my mom bought everyone the book. Remember the book My Body, Myself?

Yes.

You know what? And that— they're hard to find now and I don't even know if they're updated, but what you wrote really makes me think of like if I— if my little 5-year-old would love to know like, oh, everyone is doing all this. I love, love, love. Your book. So you've got the 3 books and now you coach parents.

I do. I have group coaching programs and one-on-one coaching, which I do. And my coaching programs last 90 days and they can last as long as you'd like them to last. You know, some carry it longer, but in 90 days you reform your life. I'm the— my concept of coaching and helping parents is to get problems solved quickly so that everything I work with you gets to the core of the problem. And then the symptoms, which are all the little issues that you're having daily with your children, are resolved. And what I give you are easy, understandable, success-driven, you know, techniques so that, like, if you're having a problem with, you know, your toddler throwing tantrums, I tell you how to stop it. If you do this, you stop it. I'm doing a peaceful parenting challenge right now to stop parents yelling. And the comment from one of the girls in the— actually, two people in the last challenge, they both said, you know, your stuff's like magic. You tell us to do something, we do it. They listen. It's amazing.

You're really likable, Cecilia. You really are, though. I'm hoping everyone out here watching this, like, you could see right away that you're easy to connect with. I really appreciate the advice you gave me too, by the way. I don't want you to think I But I really do. But I really believe that this is such an important thing. The fact that you could be— so when you say group coaching, do you mean like every— like in a Zoom room where like there's other, other parents and you're all kind of like sharing?

And I have what's called a Great Kids Exceptional Parents Mastermind, and it is a group of parents. We have group coaching Zoom things where we get on Zoom and everybody's on and they can ask questions and talk to each other. But I also, I still also give all of my clients one-on-one attention because, you know, I've been in group coaching programs where it's like you get 5 minutes to ask a question each week and you pay all this money and you get like one question answered. I am always available to my clients. I don't care what program you're in. If you hire me as a coach, even if you're in my Tranquility Tribe, my VIP group, which is a very low monthly membership, I'm available to you. You have hired me. If you have a problem, you text me. I have jumped on the phone at 10 o'clock at night and said, okay, I said, cause someone texted me and I'm like, let's solve this right now. And then 20 minutes, that child's in bed and things are done because that's what you hire me for.

I got chills. That's a big problem, right? Sleeping the, the, yeah. I, um, So are you, are you familiar with Clubhouse?

Yes, I'm on Clubhouse.

You are? Okay, good.

Every Saturday, 10 AM. Plug, plug. Saturday, 10 AM Eastern time, the Parent Chat.

Okay, thank you. I'm going to find you because I think that's fantastic. And I think that Clubhouse is obviously like a really great platform for you because I don't see a lot of, um, a lot of, you know, like the different rooms for parenting. So I think that's fantastic. I really enjoyed talking with you. I am so grateful for you coming on.

Thank you for you having me. I really— oh my gosh, because I'm trying to get the word out, you know. I've got a million— I've got a million parents to stop yelling by the end of the year. So, and I have an Elephant Journal article, which if it's okay, I mention.

Yes, please.

If you don't know what the Elephant Journal is, I actually just found out about it on January 7th. And I know that date because I wrote my article on January 8th. It's an online, like, magazine. It's great. It's got great stories. It's got all kinds of great articles. And I wrote— I found out about it on the 7th. I'm like, oh, I'll just write an article, how to stop yelling at your kids once and for all. So I wrote that on January 8th. I haven't checked it today, but as of yesterday, which is just a little over a month and a couple weeks, That article has been read almost 150,000 times and shared almost— oh no, 160,000 times and shared about 50,000 times. And so if you don't think in this day of COVID and all this stress and chaos, you know, and chaos, that people don't need to know how to stop yelling at their kids, they need to know how to stop yelling at their kids. And it's called The Elephant Journal, and the article is How to Stop Yelling at Your Kids. Once and for all. And I actually tell you what to do to stop. So it's necessary.

Absolutely, it is. I also think that if there's a way to get these books, if the state— if states can buy your books to give also to foster parents, that, that could really make a difference too and really continue. Because often when you're a foster parent, you may not really be giving at least enough resources to really understand. If you haven't raised your own child, then it really— so I, you know, your book actually should be given to the social workers so that when they go to actually work, that they have some knowledge too, and they can carry on the advice. So I don't know if you ever thought of that, but it may be worth it to get it.

And I would probably have more ideas. I love that.

I'm just thinking the Department of Children and Families and the Department of Public Health are really the ones that need this book too because when we look at all the issues that we have in the world, it comes down to the children's brain and the trauma I know changes how anyone can be. So, and then yelling, we don't really think yelling is a trauma but the way you just explained it in the beginning of the call. So your book, we need to, all of us, everyone, if you're listening to me, we all need to get this book in the hands of parents because this is our future. We don't have anything other than our future.

That's right. And look at what's going on today. You can see by the aggressive behavior, these adults were not raised in calm, cooperative situations. They were raised aggressively. They grew up aggressively. They learned how to handle emotion of disappointment and of, you know, being told no And of not agreeing with someone else, they learned how to handle it in an aggressive manner instead of in a calm, understanding, compassionate manner.

Hashtag children are watching. I really use that as a— you know what, we have to remember they're watching the news, they're watching everything, they need to know what's going on. So I totally agree with you. So, all right, thank you.

And they're especially watching you. And I'll leave one thing for you parents to remember, and that is everything you do, you give your children permission to do. Everything you do, you give your children permission to do. So if you don't like what you're doing, if you don't like that they're doing it, it's you who needs to change because they're watching everything you do.

Wow.

Wow.

I really— that is— that's That's— whoo! Yeah, that really is. You're right. I mean, we know that, but that's like, that's so incredibly true. Wow, those are words to live by. Thank you so much for your time today. I really appreciate it. This was fantastic. And thank you for taking— my daughter calling, so I got to find out what's going on with that green light now. But that's something I wanted to give her. I wanted to give her responsibility. So having the green light credit card, or, you know, debit card, whatever that is, gives her responsibility, gives her, you know, like, so she gets, uh, whatever I give her, you know, for their chores when she works. Just, I don't ask her for a lot of time, just bathroom and bedroom, her own stuff to do. And then she gets rewarded. So I am consistently trying, but I want to be the best parent I can.

Money management, which is important.

Yeah.

You know, that's an important thing to teach your children.

You are awesome. Thank you for everything you're doing. I feel so much better. We're going to have a much better future. So go out and buy the books. I'll list them all down so that you could get them when I, when I put this up together. This will go on YouTube too. And thank you so much. I really cannot thank you enough.

Thank you, Adrienne. It was a pleasure.

Thank you. Bye-bye. I'm gonna stop streaming. That was great. Wow.

Okay.