Superstar Guest GAYLE FEIN PETRILLO, Author of The Accident

and we out to dinner for the first time in a year.

Wow, wow, wow. I saw that. Yeah, I saw that. But now you got the vaccine.

I—

we're hopefully going to be— my husband will be 59 in May, and then I'll follow him in June. So 55 and older should be around the corner. They're saying in a week or two. All right, here we go.

Oh, that's great, because we just opened— Pima County just opened to 55 and older.

Pima County, that's in Tucson, Arizona.

So hi everyone, we're live.

So I'm so excited to be live today with my friend Gail Petrillo from Tucson. And Gail, before we start, this is a special day for my family because yesterday was my mom's birthday, who in heaven, but today my 26-year-old is 26. So Rudy, Rudy Barker lives in Tucson and he is the, uh, he runs the Earth's Best Healing, so dispensary in Tucson, which I think is like number one. So he's amazing. Pretty sure he's a general manager, and he's been doing a great job. Very proud of Rudy, living his dream and his life, and just awesome. So happy birthday, Rudy! We love you.

Congratulations! That's exciting.

Yeah, it is. I would say he's my youngest boy. 'Cause I saw— Alana is my youngest daughter who turns 15 at the end of this month, and raising a teen girl is definitely much harder than raising boys. I'll just put it out there.

And she needs my book.

I know, I really— so let's talk about your book. So just so everyone knows, Gail and I met, and I love this story, Gail, 'cause I remember the exact day, the weather, the mountain behind us, the restaurant, the supermarket. Restaurant. But Gail and I met somehow. We got—

we—

someone said you should meet Gail, and someone said the same thing, Gail, you should meet Adrienne. You're both in the same line of business teaching etiquette. So I said, you know what, yes, let's meet. So Gail and I met, and Gail has First Impressions—

yes, First Impressions Image Consulting and Career Coaching.

I love that. And one of the things I cannot do is ever consult anyone on like image and clothing, and Gail always looks so fantastic. And I said to Gail, my God, we're like a team because, you know, I have— Dale has all the same skills I have of, you know, corporate etiquette and protocol and understanding that. But then you get to team up with the image consulting, which is amazing. And I supported Gail. We did a couple of things together. And I remember you speaking at the Rotary, which was lovely. And then I moved. So I moved from Tucson to go teach business English in China. And I had all my books and I said, I need someone to take my books. And I didn't want to just put them in the, you know, Goodwill. So I was so appreciative that Gail has the books. I know they're all in good hands. And then talking about books, so Gail, besides being an author, actually is married to an author, which is interesting. So what is it like when you decided to take your story, not only put it in a book, but you're telling your husband, okay, I'm ready? What did that look like for you?

Yeah, so the interesting thing to me is I never set out to write a book. It was the farthest thing in my mind. Um, my husband's the author. He's a journalist, freelance journalist. He's written 3 novels. He's the writer in the family, English background, the whole 9 yards. Um, when I launched First Impressions about 4 years ago, I did it with a fundraising fashion show, and at the very— there was a beneficiary, Beads of Courage. And year 2, we, uh, the founder of Beads of Courage and I were behind stage just chit-chatting as that entertainment was getting off to a start. And I said, so Jean, where have you been? Because her, in her organization is international. And I was like, so where have you been? The prior year she was talking about being in China and this and that. And she said, I haven't been very far. I've been, um, in Phoenix actually working with the burn kids. At the Phoenix Children's Hospital. And as I finished my sentence, our MC introduced me, and I said, oh, gotta go. So we didn't finish that conversation. And Adrian, you know me, I get up in front of people regardless of what it is. I have a full script. It's not that I read it, that's like my blankie, right? I just have to have it there. And so I get up on stage behind the podium and I spoke from my heart and it was not scripted. And I just said, you know, I was just speaking to Jean, who I'm so excited to bring out in a minute, but she was telling me about supporting the burn kids and their families at Children's Phoenix Hospital this past week. And I wish my parents and I had had that kind of support when I was burned as a 2-and-a-half-year-old. There were 200 people in the audience and you could hear the collective gasp And then dead silence for like a minute. That's a long time. And then I went on with my speech. 200 people in the room. I probably knew 180 of them. And as I came off the stage at the end of the event, I was greeting people, and one gal in particular came up to me who I knew by reputation but had never met. And Kathy said to me, we have to go to lunch. We have a lot to talk about. Well, unbeknownst to me at the time, her daughter had grown up with blood cancer and survived off of transfusions her whole life until she had a bone marrow transplant. And they wrote a book. And Kathy said to me over a lunch, which turned out to be about a 3-hour lunch, and I felt bad for the waiter. He kept coming over and the two of us were just crying our eyes out. But we bonded. And she said to me, you have to write your book. And I'm like, no, don't think so. Not gonna share. Like, I've never— until that moment on stage, I had never said those words out loud. Never. So people that have known me a very long time, not only in the audience, were surprised. But now with my book out, I'm getting calls and emails every day saying, I never knew, why did you never tell us, blah blah blah. So I wrote the book because Kathy insisted. If you will, that I did it. And it was very cathartic. And I said to my husband, the writer, how do I do this? And he said, just sit at the computer and type. Whatever comes to your mind, get it through your fingers and get it, quote, on paper, right? On the computer. And I did that. In January of 2020, my sister and I went to visit my mom before the pandemic hit. And I had given her a heads up and said, 'Somebody's asked me to tell my story. What do you think about it?' And she said, 'Well, let's talk about it when you and your sister are here.' And it was the first time our family ever spoke about the incident, accident, ever. And so over the course of 10 years, my mom filled in some pieces that she thought I should know. I filled in— filled her in on things that I didn't know she, she probably didn't know. And the book was born. My sister is a ghostwriter, and she's very able to put my words as a 67-year-old into the words of a 3-year-old. And so while she didn't totally ghostwrite the book, it is my story with some of my sister's words. And I'm very grateful to the people that took good care of me. I was not supposed to survive. And I survived. I was in the hospital for months. A little-known secret is my sister was born because my parents were told I wouldn't survive, and they decided one afternoon to go home and make a baby because their baby wasn't going to survive. So as a burn victim, obviously there are a lot of traumas, right? I have scars. I'll always have physical scars, but there are emotional scars as well. And so we all have scars of some kind, right? Physical, emotional. I grew up in a very supportive home, but even saying that, you know, just being a normal teenager is difficult. You know that, Adrienne, with your daughter, right? But imagine adding layers of it as someone with some sort of scar, particularly a physical scar. And then you can talk about, you know, fortunately for me, the scarring didn't affect my upper body or my arms, so it's pretty well covered. Other people were not— have not been that fortunate. So what happened, I will tell you the secret. So what happened was, as a 2-and-a-half-year-old, we were invited with my mom. I was invited with my mom to go to a grown-up tea party. And we went to these friends of my parents' home, and there were several adult girls, women with their children. And I tried to climb up on the table, which was basically a picnic table. Their kitchen table was like a picnic table with a bench and then chairs on the other side. And I was tiny, always been tiny. I'm only 4 foot 10. I put my hands on the table to boost myself up and pulled a percolator full of freshly brewed coffee off the table and all over me. And so that's how I got my scars. Um, so I'm curious— I mean, I don't want to take up the whole time talking about the book. You have to get the book. It's called The Accident. It, um, is my story of being a young girl and dealing with things like not changing clothes in front of other people, um, not being able to wear a bikini because the scars are not supposed to be in sunshine. But more than that, in 1965, bikinis were all the rage. You could barely find a one-piece swimsuit. So imagine that you have to trudge along with your mom trying to find a one-piece suit that nobody else is wearing. And then not only are you gawky because you're a teenager, you're gawky because your bathing suit is gawky, right? So there are stories intermingled in the book about those kinds of experiences. I had many phobias growing up, some rational, some not rational, and the book talks about some of those phobias. And what really spoke to me, one male actually read the book and then emailed me and told me a lot of people have, quote, self-help books, right? Here's what happened to me, here's how I got through it, blah, blah, blah. He said, but your book is different because it gives specifics on how to overcome things like that.

Testimonial.

It was, it really struck home with me because this book is not about me. The book is about the story and how hopefully overcoming so many odds that I did will help someone else overcome their struggles. It's so important to share. We heal through sharing. Um, it's so important to let others help us. People, people mostly want to help, right? And if you don't ask for the help, you're not going to get the help. But as soon as you ask, people want to help, they want to support. Um, I'll be working with the Arizona Burn Foundation as a SOAR representative to support people in such situations like what I experienced. Um, so I'm looking for those opportunities where I can literally share my story hopefully inspiring, encouraging, and helping supporting others.

Alright, so I have a couple questions. So now that the door is open, you're ready to share. So the question, and I'm sure that other people have this question too, is so what was the reason for actually being quiet all these years? And actually, and I guess maybe that part of that answer is, is what was going on in the, in the family dynamics. But that is so interesting, your— what, what prompted you to actually share it from your heart? But why, why not before?

You know, we all struggle with different things, and I was different. I felt awkward. I felt different. My body is scarred. It doesn't look like a normal body. I talk in the book about at times as a teenager, I'd get up in the morning and cover my mirror so I didn't have to look at myself. So you don't share those things. You know, we're very lucky in the 2020 age where there's a lot of behavioral health support. There wasn't that in the '50s, '60s, even '70s. You weren't encouraged to share things. We didn't realize that sharing was healing at that time, let alone if you did go see a psychologist, psychiatrist, whatever, it was expensive. There was no health insurance. My hospital bill was tens and tens and tens of thousands of dollars. My dad paid it off $15 a week in cash. For years.

Wow.

So things were very different. Um, but more to your point, why did I never share? Because I felt different. I was different. It wasn't— I wasn't comfortable in my own skin, so how could I share something? I saw myself— let me, let me phrase that differently. I believed others would see me as I saw myself, which was not whole, not normal, different, ugly, scared, scarred, and I could just go on. But so I, I never shared.

But so interesting, and yet what you're— what I find is so dynamic about this is that you understood the image, and so you're teaching people about the image with your smile, and you're just so, so lovely. You're just such a great package that and the first impressions, which is everything that we see first, but not what was on the— I don't know what is the inside or what you couldn't see. So, and I guess that would make sense that that would kind of heal you a little bit too, that you're helping others without even letting people know your why. Was that part of your— was that your passion to go into image?

It's so interesting that it took that leap. Um, first of all, to your first part, you know, lack of self-confidence, right? Um, and so as I decided to overcome my phobias, and that built— helped build my self-confidence. And so first impressions is all about self-confidence, right? Because you can't be successful with a first impression if you don't have that self-confidence. And so my motivation behind creating First Impressions when I retired from healthcare was that I had seen the good, the bad, and the ugly. I had seen bad resumes. I'd seen people not do well because of lack of self-confidence in interviews. I'd seen people not know how to dress or the proper etiquette for interviews, whether it was doctors that I would interview, and we would take them out to really nice dinners, and they either would not treat the hostess or the waiter, waitress professionally, or they didn't know which was the right wine glass to use or water glass or how to pass the bread. Um, so that really was the motivation behind creating First Impressions. I just felt like I was very fortunate to have some really wonderful mentors as I was growing up in the work world. And so I felt it was my turn to give back to others. I mean, that sounds really selfish, but I don't know, it's just, it's my turn to give back. And the book is part of that giving back.

I love that. Selfless, not selfish. You're very selfless. So, Gail, you're, you're, um, so did you say your— was it talked about in your home, or once you healed, so there was like— so was that again the sign of the times?

Spoke about it. I, I can't tell you why. Um, I asked my mom if there was some underlying feeling of guilt or whatnot. And she said, no, you know, your dad wasn't there. I didn't have any guilt because it wasn't anything I did. I didn't contribute, which I don't hold her any feelings of guilt either. I mean, it was purely an accident, and we know accidents happen, right? We get burned, scalded from water, we, you know, we tripped downstairs. I mean, accidents just happen. So it wasn't that. I just think it was life took over. My dad worked 2 and 3 jobs many times to put food on the table. My mom worked out of the house probably from the time my sister and I were 8 or 9 years old. It just, you know, and again, probably in part because my scars were not apparent to anyone other than to me. It wasn't something on the forefront of anybody's mind, you know, what do we talk about? I said a few minutes ago, you know, I grew up in a very supportive family. My parents, particularly my dad, would always tell me how beautiful I was, and I never believed him, never believed him, because I saw, you know, he never saw me undressed. Not since I was an infant, probably, right? So he didn't know, and that's not something you talk to your dad about, right? I didn't really even talk to my mom about it. It was just hidden feelings, hidden emotions, things you just didn't talk about.

Sharing with them what you're going through and what teasing or just being self-conscious, and so So they're literally thinking everything is all right. And so that does kind of make— when you think about it that way, so you're going through these days and changing in the bathroom, which is traumatic enough for any young girl, but then to have to— wow, wow. Your mom and dad stayed together?

My mom and dad passed about 11 years ago, and, um, they celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary before he died. So yeah, they— my mom and dad had such a love story. They met at the Jewish Community Center when my mom was 16 and my dad was about 20, not quite, 5 years difference. So yeah, about 20, maybe mom was 14 actually and dad was 19. So they waited until my mom turned 18 and they got married. And so they're 5 years apart And they went through heaven and hell together. I mean, they— yeah, they supported one another literally and figuratively through 60 years. They were amazing. Until the day my dad died, my mom and dad would be seen dancing in the kitchen, walking, holding hands. I mean, they just— they were each other's world. And fortunately for me, I now have that. Alan, I've been married—

mine too—

wedding anniversary last May, and we're very— we're just very blessed. Oh, very grateful for the way my life turned out.

That is so sweet. That is so sweet. My parents too, uh, 70— almost 70-year marriage, just shy of 2 months. And my dad just— he couldn't understand when my mom passed. It was just the hardest time. But their love was really strong, and they never spent time apart, and they couldn't understand any, like, why? Like, if I went on a girls' trip, they were like, what? What? So, uh, and my husband is Alan too, and we've been together, uh, 27 years. So very, very nice. Yeah, it's, uh, it's nice when you have your parents to actually watch them have such a beautiful relationship. That is a gift that parents give. And I know my daughter, you know, we, we parent very well together, Alan and I. And like, she Sometimes, you know, it's hard because there's so many kids that are going through divorced families and sometimes her friends will say, "Well, you don't know what it's like, Alana. Your parents are friends. Your parents get along and you have no clue what it's like." But Alana's got other things that are causing her anxiety. And then the spend— and that's another thing, just teens alone, it's really not discussed enough, the anxiety that they have no matter what. Forget the COVID which is really adding to it. But to have this, you know, you could have called the book The Secret too because it's really, you had the accident and then you had kind of the secret about it, you're keeping it in. So I definitely am going to purchase the book. Let's see the book again. Let's see your book again.

And I'll have you know, the coat that I'm wearing on the COVID my mom made.

Oh my gosh. So this is a picture of you, that's a picture of you. I love it. It kind of is— is it watermarked or just like, uh, like, like, it's just so pretty. It has like a little bit of a watermark.

The COVID designer was amazing. He took a black and white photo that my mom had of me in front of our house in the snow, and he did what he did. He's amazing. So the other thing I'll share is The Accident will be coming out in Spanish in the next 2 weeks, El Accidente. I was encouraged to have it translated.

Wow.

Because we, you know, our population is very heavy in the Hispanic culture, right? And they tend to be a very secretive culture, very private culture. And my book has been read by teachers, school psychologists, school counselors, a child psychologist, and they all encouraged me to have it translated into Spanish.

That makes sense. And I could see your book being at the different burn centers as, as important, you know, to, uh, and am I correct, the Shriners, right, are the hospital that also, to make sure if you're not in touch with them, get in touch with them so that they could send home every child with the book. I could actually see you creating almost a more youthful version for the 2.5 to 5-year-old age. And then I actually see this as a lifetime movie because I'm sure there's other things, but anytime that you could actually teach, and because there are in life so many people that have gone through burn, it's just— and it's— and I mean, so there was concern that you were not going to make it because those burns were on your torso area and they were really—

40% of my body. They were better than third-degree burns on 40% of my body.

So, you know, so the concern is organs? Is this concern organ failure?

What is it? It's, it's, um, the burning through of the layers of skin right down to the bone.

But what is the concern for passing away? What was— what it— what was— so you must have been in incredible brutal pain, but, but what was the— what was the concern about your, your not being able to make it?

Well, the burns were so severe. There's shock, there's the severity of the burns and whether they'll heal. And the exposure. I mean, it's like getting a compound fracture, right? So if you have a compound fracture, your bone goes through the skin and it's all open to infection. So it's really infectious.

Oh, okay. Wow. That must have been so scary. And do you recall— I mean, 2 and a half is young. Do you recall the pain or what did your parents tell you? Did they put you in a coma? How did they help you with the pain?

Things are done much differently now for burn victims than they were back in 1956. And so I was treated with steroids. I was treated with radiation therapy. Salve of some sort, you know, to protect from the infections. My parents did not share much beyond that with me because you know, you don't want people to recollect pain and fear and all of that. But there are things that I do remember that actually surprised my mom when we spoke about it.

Wow, is that in the book? Oh, very interesting. Wow, wow. So there's really—

they're very graphic. Like, my memory is very graphic. In some of those cases. And so unless I really know who's in the audience, I— that's not something that I would just share. Um, there are a lot of stories.

Got it, thank you.

Okay, but there are a lot of stories that were not shared in the book. The book, as you said a few minutes ago, for real, like, toddlers. My book was originally going to be like a 12-page book, mostly photos and illustrations. For young, young people who would be read to. And as it developed, this is what it became. It's 50-some-odd pages. It's about 58 pages. There are some illustrations. I had an amazing illustrator here in Tucson, Mary Beth Benson. And my editor is encouraging me to do, like, the next level. The grown-up story, if you will. I don't know if I'll do that. I don't know if I'll do that.

Oh, oh, oh, well, you know what, right now you've got your book, so right now you've got enough on your plate to really get the book out and share your story, and then also helping. So you've got, you've got a nice part of all of that. Well, I really appreciate your coming on and telling me. I'm so glad you were able to share your story because it really, it is so important. I will, you know, It's interesting because I am always worried about accidents and I'm learning now that my daughter, if you said to her, "What do you not like about your mother?" She would tell you I am ridiculously a helicopter mom. Like, they can't go by the stairs because I would see them falling down the stairs and I would stop. So I would envision what would happen and then I would stop them from doing it. So my kids, my 3 boys, I think Sammy is the only one that maybe broke something, but when we go back, and that doesn't make me the greatest mom, it actually is not even a good thing because I'm such a helicopter that I'm driving my daughter crazy and I recognize that and just that I want to keep you safe is not enough, but that's the most stressful part about having a child is just trying to get everything and making sure. So I could totally feel for your mom and I love that she didn't, that she was actually, especially during those times, to not fall victim to being guilty and to understanding that it is an accident. So if there's anything really that I'm taking from all of this is that is a lesson too that we have to let accidents, not that we have to let accidents happen but they do happen and don't It's not so great to be the way I am as a mother because I am way too— and all it does is add stress. And I'm like, same with my mother too. And you know what, Gail? So it's Bike Week at Daytona Beach, and you know what I love? I love a woman with tattoos on a motorcycle. And you know why? Because I'm not a woman with tattoos on a motorcycle. My mom scared the crap out of it with me. Never could ride a motorcycle, could never get a tattoo, really couldn't do much. Like when I think back, my parents also put— well, not my dad, I don't even know if my dad did or didn't, but my mom really kind of— and I'm a goody-two-shoes, so of course I listened to everything. If mom said don't do this, maybe I rode on my motorcycle. I remember one time on a motorcycle getting home and getting in such trouble that I just wouldn't do it again. So kudos to everyone that is, you know, you just can't be like I am. So I love that you said that, that It's an accident, it happens, we learn from them and then sometimes people go through these accidents and maybe the reason is, is that you're going to be helping a ton of other, well you're going to be helping everyone, you're going to be helping anyone that has burned, you're going to be helping families to understand it, siblings to help each other, friends to understand why we don't tease each other and bully so you're really changing the world. It's amazing, I'm so proud of you. It is, it is broad. We're both broads actually. Now it is broad. I love, I love that you're doing that. So thank you. Thank you. I really look forward to getting the book. So your book is on, so I noticed, so is your book on Amazon or is it on another platform?

It's on several platforms. You can get it directly from the publisher, which is BookLocker. You can get it on Amazon. You can get it on Barnes Noble. You can get it at Walmart. You can, you can download the book from the publisher right now. E-books for the Kindle and for the Nook will be available around April 1st. I'm not sure why, but it takes them a long time to load the book so you can get it e-book, but that's not the publisher's issue, if you will. So, and I've also been asked to make it into an audiobook. So I'm researching that. And again, it will be available in Spanish as well, probably the beginning of April. And yeah, my whole thing is I hope people will read it, share it, and tell me how my story inspired theirs.

Have you— so have you got in touch with your local Barnes Noble?

Not yet. They're, you know, with COVID it makes it so difficult. My husband had book signings at the house, 50 people every time he, you know, a book was launched. And we want to do that, but I don't know about you, I'm not ready to have 20 people in my home, let alone 30, 40, 50. So we're trying to figure out how to make that happen here because everyone is asking me to sign their book. And it's a reason for celebration, if nothing more. It's not really about signing the book.

It really is. Well, what I was asking was— well, I love book signs, but the reason I was asking— Barnes Noble is really fantastic about bringing in authors, and they, they'll get the books, they'll buy the books so they can sell them. But it may be smart now to get on their calendar for September or October whereas, you know, waiting. So I just— it may be smart to just see if what their calendars are open, because we may be ready.

And I appreciate the Shriners suggestion. So if anybody has some contacts into Shriners, I would be really, really grateful for that.

There, there we go. That's really right. Maybe go right to corporate Shriners to let them know. I, I would definitely do that. So very good. So Gail, it's lovely to see you. I, I will be— and Rudy's coming to visit me in August, but we will get over to Tucson too to say hello to him. I really miss Tucson. I always said go for the mountains and stay for the people because it really is everyone I've met and I absolutely, absolutely enjoyed every second with you. So I thank you. Let's get the book sold out there and shared and I will talk to you soon. Gail is on Clubhouse. We were talking about the new app Clubhouse and she's going to be interviewed on Clubhouse for one of the rooms. So I look forward to sharing that information. Gail has a Facebook page which was on my original post and we'll share that too for the book, The Accent. So you want to go on the Facebook page. And Gail, if you ever want to talk about other ways to monetize your book, let me know. I'm happy to share some ideas and, uh, we'll go from there. So thank you. Have a great rest of the day.

Thank you, Adrienne. You too. We look forward to having you back in Tucson.

I can't wait. Thank you so much. Really appreciate your time. Bye. Bye. Thank you. Thanks, Gail.