Superstar Guest Ilka Handshaw, Spiritual Counselor shares tips on being healthy after trauma.

Welcome everyone. I have a lovely woman in front of us. Now I want to make sure I pronounce your name correctly, so I'm going to— why don't you say your name for me so I make sure I have it correctly?

Oh, it's I-L-K-A. Ilka.

So beautiful, Ilka. And Ilka Hanshaw, right? Is it Hanshaw? Yeah, beautiful. So how do we know each other? The Women's Prosperity Network.

We know each other from the Women's Prosperity Network tour group.

It's an amazing group of women from all over the world.

Yeah, I realized that there was a lady from, um, Kenya or somewhere, South Africa. It was Tuesday at a networking event, so it was interesting to connect from over the world with It really is a fantastic group.

We learn so much together. I love the networking group. I love that we get all the information about each other so we have the connection. And Susan and Nancy and Tricia really do a fabulous job. So just absolutely pleased with everything. So what I find is that every time, no matter how I feel— and you know what, there's days where I'm tired and maybe not feeling as great as I would like to, that when I have a candid conversation on the show, it's always with someone who I need at that time. It's, it's crazy. And I have a feeling that you are going to be bringing some spirituality to the show, and I'd like to find out more about what you do and who you are. So I know you're from Pompano, and then I know you took a swing today, but But other than that, we don't know anything about each other, so enjoy this conversation, you guys, because you are— this is really fun. You are a fly on the wall as we talk to each other because we've never really met before. So who is Ilka?

So you want me to share a little bit about me and what I love to do?

Oh yeah, just like we're having a cup of coffee, you're going to tell me about yourself and I'm going to listen. I'm all ears.

I am actually a language teacher, became a spiritual coach. I have been fascinated by healing through my whole life, basically since I was little, and being introduced to essential oils and healing and emotional release especially, it sounds totally amazing. I went on a journey for my own healing 20+ years ago, and I did a lot of it, and I still do. I think we all need to to heal every day. We carry lots of baggage from ancestry and our own childhood and all that. So basically I started learning and healing myself, and then I started teaching it, and I got quite a bit of audience. We were in Michigan, then we moved to Florida, and I have been teaching basically the old one. This is The short version is I take people's pain and stress away. And the longer version is I'm a spiritual coach and health and wellness with a specialty in aromatherapy. And I love supporting people to get what they want by releasing that baggage that they carry that holds them back from getting what they want. And most of the time they didn't even know that they carry baggage or ancestry, emotional issues in the tissues. Um, some of the past traumas, you're saying? Yeah.

So in healing— so you mentioned the word, so you, you healed yourself first. So can we go with that? How did you heal yourself? What does that really mean?

I opened up. I realized that the world around me was happier, attracting more of what they wanted. And I went through abusive childhood. Our father was kind of abusive and, uh, it was really difficult to be in this kind of family and environment. And I realized later on in life, uh, when I arrived here from Bulgaria, that, uh, I wanted to be happy. I was a bit angry at life. Why other people, they seem to get everything they want and I was kind of struggling and, and I wasn't totally happy in my life and I really need I really wanted to change that and I started learning and when the student is ready, the teachers appear. So I met quite a few law of attraction coaches and healers in Michigan and I started from there. So they share and help me and that's how it started and I keep going.

It's so interesting.

I want to learn more and more.

You really do. You learn more as you go. So I was sharing with my daughter, we were having a talk. I have 4 kids, but my youngest is 15. And we were talking about something, and I really, as we were talking, I realized, oh my gosh, this is— so sorry, Mom and Dad, I'm going to bring this up. Growing up, I remember as a young kid, I feel bad saying this, in the backseat of my parents' car, where they would throw, I think myself and my other brother, to the movies, to go to the drive-ins, which is always exciting. But the movies I remember, and I wish my mom and dad were alive so I could just double-check— I think I've asked them, but I don't remember the answer. I remember watching Lipstick and Charles Bronson, and there was a movie Revenge. They like— and actually, I like the same kind of movies too. I like a really good drama movie that's kind of reality, but it's scary and All these things are happening and then I remember being 6 and my brothers and sister had me down watching Psycho. I remember that. And I remember actually at 13, I had a really hard time with the movie Jaws. But when I was— and I can't think of the exact ages, but I think I want to say between 10 and 15, I had— and I never even thought of the word anxiety. I heard noises. They were always in the kitchen. There were always people opening up doors. And then I remember this one story that my sister and her friend at the time were throwing like little pebbles at the window to try to get my attention, so I would go downstairs and open the door like a normal person would, right? And I remember that what I was hearing was not, "Open the door, Adrienne." It was like, "We want to come in and kill you," and, "We're going to murder you," and I didn't even think it was my sister. I like had thought that it was My parents had to have a panic button for me. The sad part about that night is that I remember getting my mom, and my mom, she totally believed me. I mean, I was like, I really believed that there was people out there that wanted to get us. And I remember we had gone down and we were looking at the— we had like these big glass blocks so you kind of could see but very muted. And my mom called the police, and then finally when the police came, it was my sister and her friend, and they were like, What is wrong with you? And I remember my mom turning to me like, what is wrong with you? And I'm like, what? I don't even know. I would look out my window and I would see Eddie Munster. He scared me so much. Eddie Munster from The Munsters. And so it's— so, okay, so granted, so I'm young. It goes— I would have a lot of dreams. I was always frozen in my dreams. Like, I felt like I was a— and I couldn't— like, I couldn't scream. I couldn't say anything. Felt like a lot of trauma. I did wet my bed a lot, being honest, because I just was always scared and I was sleepwalking too. Okay, so fast forward to now at 58 years old. I— so we live in a nice small little unit here in Daytona Beach, but I need one door. I am up all night long going and locking one door. The idea of having a house or thinking of being upstairs— like I grew up upstairs and the kitchen was downstairs. That feeling scares me. And so we talk about like, okay, so were we— I'm still carrying the trauma because the thought of going into a house or looking at a house, I think right away, how many doors do they have? How can I protect myself against 4 or 5 doors while I stay? Because sometimes it's just so strong, I wake up. So can you tell me about that? What is going on in my head? Help!

Well, you carry the memory. You carry The emotional part of it, sometimes our mind will protect us. If, for example, if you wanted to go for healing for that or anything else, your mind, my mind, our minds want to protect us because it says, I don't want to go there in that story. I don't want to be scared again. I don't want to do that. So our mind, they mean well, but not really. So they protect us. Something stifles us not to go back to what happened, but to go around the mind, to detour it, we could just say, okay, mind, I know you have lots of stories that you're afraid to go there. But I'm just gonna do my healing here. And I'll just work with the emotion around that memory and that story and all that. So like different tools and things, inner child work and you know, stuff like that, where we can work on the emotions around that story and memory, not dwelling on it, but just detouring the mind and going around the emotion to heal it and release it. So you don't have to be so scared anymore, because obviously will affect your life or whoever else has other problems like that. And we need to release that for good so it doesn't haunt you all the time.

Is it so—

so one of the ways to do inner child work?

So it made me realize that, Ilka, that, that children can experience trauma easily from just a really scary movie. And then maybe, you know, is it one time or is it a variety of time? I think I, I think I remember like maybe my parents like they like the— and I like Charles Bronson. I'm not saying— I just, I'm just thinking I did protect my daughter and not have her watch the scary movies. I don't think— I think with my boys, I think that I may have said, well, I was able to do it at 6, they could watch it. With my daughter, I just somehow instinctively knew, like, ooh, I really don't want her— I just want her watching Frozen and all the sweet movies. But so is this advice for parents of young children to absolutely make sure that you don't take them to see a scary movie and you don't have it on in the house? And that you keep any of those really— not just horror movies, because these are not horror movies, these are like more like real life, and I'm still watching them too, Ilka. So real life scary movies, and yet I still enjoy the drama. And that— I mean, I woke up last night with a scariest dream, and I'm sure it's from something that I'm watching right now, but I can't seem to stop either.

Yeah, our mind creates the trauma and drama. Our minds are kind of designed that way too. Crave the trauma and drama. And it's a natural thing. We're parents. I mean, many of us are parents, so we want to protect our children from the pain. And you probably are afraid that she might experience this kind of nightmares and all that and not be able to go to sleep in a normal, calm way and stuff. So it's normal to protect our children. Sometimes we just can't always be around them because they might sneak through the window and go with their friends and watch the scary movie anyways. So we can really put them and lock them in a room. They, they'll experience whatever they wish. And we need to give them the dignity to have their own journey and experience so they can see the contrast and realize, do I want that or not? Without knowing the contrast, good or bad or scary or not, funny or scary, whatever, we don't know. So that's why we have experiences and people and situations come into our lives. Life will reveal what you need to heal. It will show up to heal something or to show you the contrast so you get to choose and then heal and all that.

Life will reveal what we need to heal. Ilka, you're like dropping all these gems.

Life will reveal what we need to heal.

Oh my gosh, yeah, that, that— okay, so you drop life will reveal what you, what you, what you need to heal.

And then you, what do you need to heal? Keep attracting the people that, oh my gosh, this drives me nuts, what's going on? But this person came into your life or my life to— hmm, what I have inside of me that, um, this person or that experience came here to show me? What is that I still need to heal and I still have charge to that, you know, let's see. So that's what happens. And once we're healed, we don't have the charge for whatever that thing is. You're like in a dentist's office looking through the magazines, oh okay, you know, you don't have that kind of reaction like, you know, when we heal something.

You know, you really— that's, that is great advice. And I love what you said about giving dignity to our children.

And give them the dignity to have their own experiences and to do the mistakes and experience life because how would they know, hmm, is that good, is it bad, how I feel, and you know, so.

That is really, that's really beautiful. I love that you, I love that you said that. I think that really is, and I've got to learn that more because I'm really, I'm very helicopter-ish. I am just over my daughter like a big helicopter and How old? She's 15. Okay. So I do, I watch her like a hawk. I'm like just very, very careful. So thank you so much. So let's talk about the spirituality. So interesting enough, I sell logo merchandise. I do promotional products. So I'm in the Woman's Prosperity Network for the promotional products. And one of the products, one of the line that came out a couple years ago is the idea of using the like scents, but like, and they're not like, you know, like what you sell, but like just the idea of like you could get like a little lavender and some peppermint and some different scents with their logo on it. And so I think that's interesting because I love the essential oils. I think they're really important. So I love that our industry does it. Again, it's not in competition with, what is it called? Young? What is the name of the oil that you use?

Oh, and the Young Living oil. DoTERRA, if you think of DoTERRA, they came from Young Living. They decided to Split and all that stuff. So yes, I think that's great.

They're the best. I think that the essential oils—

they really are.

They really are. And the aromatherapy. So that's part of it. I have a question to ask you. It's kind of a serious question. Do you— I don't know why, but see, in my mind I was thinking this. Do you believe that when someone has gone through something traumatic or even has been physically hurt before they've passed away, does the mind protect them? I don't know why, but I have this— like, I want to ask this question. Like, so, like, if I walked outside and I got dragged out to the car and I got hurt, would my— would this— does the mind help you in those horrible times? Is any— has there been research on that?

Oh, that the mind is trying to protect you from moving forward? That's what I was talking about earlier. I'm sorry, somebody called.

During that time when you're experiencing the trauma, does your mind like kind of— can it take you somewhere else? Does it, does it, does it protect you when you are really right in the throes of something traumatic happening to you?

Oh, right when it's happening, yeah. Uh, well, what really happens is that, um, you have a lot of going on at the moment, and, um, usually it's, uh, it, it could— we can say that it's right in the middle of it, but usually just like moments later you make a decision. Oh, what just happened? Because you're in the middle of it. Um, but like maybe a minute or two later you just make a decision. For me, for example, since my father was so abusive, I was afraid of men. And that's why I married the first one that didn't work out too well. Because when you're abused by your father and you're kind of afraid of men and you can go through lots of pain with guys in your life and not to get to know them and you struggle with consequences of not knowing there's a couch and all that kind of stuff. So you can create a belief, um, men are scary. Or trust it. Or so you create these decisions, uh, and you just, you know, you go on with that until you realize, hmm, I need to change that. Um, so they're like different things. Or people decide, like I decided I never ever want to be mean like my father, you know. And later in life, if somebody might show up in my life and it's a little threatening or maybe a little mean or something, um, I might still have a little charge about it. And if that happens, then I know, hmm, I gotta do a little more healing. I'm still triggered by people that could be a little mean.

Got it, got it. Okay, so that's a trigger too. Okay, that's interesting, that's interesting. I never really thought that. I, I always thought that what I— like, my being scared was just me being like a a young baby or a crybaby, but I didn't realize that it was really something that I— the experience. So when we were talking the other night, I'm like, oh my God, this is why I probably— when I was in my, like, 10, 11, 12, too, I remember thinking, I just want a small little house. Everything was small. Small little house with a little picket fence with security. So, you know, when you're driving around and you're looking at homes, I'll look at a home and I'll be like, that's so beautiful. I would need security. I would immediately think of— it was really crazy. My parents, I remember they had a panic button for me which I would hide under. And then when people say, "Tell me about your childhood home," I would remember all the places where I actually could go and hide because in my mind, someone was coming in to kill me, I knew which window I could possibly crawl out and not fall off and where I could go. It's crazy. And some of my nightmares really exist in the basement. I really wish I should knock on the door and be like, I need to see the house again and try to like recover, like realize that it was maybe more of an imagination. But I definitely want to tell parents, watch what you're watching, especially if your child is in those— what ages are really the scariest? Is it that like 2 to 3 where they really can't talk to 10?

Well, what happened is that Sometimes even in the womb, I was told by my naturopath that maybe my father was abusive to my mom when she was pregnant with me. That's why I have some condition with my heart and the lungs, uh, like a result of this kind of trauma when a woman is pregnant and traumatized and all that. So it could be in the womb, it could be from our parents and grandparents. Studies and research proved by now that we inherit up to 6 generations their traumas. And their baggage and their— Seriously? Wait, what? Issues and issues. So, but also when we're very young, we could create some beliefs, but usually like 5 to 7 years old is when we really absorb that trauma and make this kind of decisions because we create a pattern to protect ourselves and to survive. They call it copying mechanism, survival mechanism, making that belief, oh, okay, men are scary, I'm gonna avoid them, or the world is a crazy place, I'd like to stay home. Like when our parents teach us, don't cross the road, usually when we're 3 or 4 maybe, don't cross the road, or be careful. First they tell you don't cross the road when you're 2, 3 years old, and then when you're 5, 7, and then they said look left or right or straight, whatever. And then cross the road. So a little bit after, a little, when we realize more and we're aware of the world and everything, then, you know, the beliefs kind of change, you know, what's going on.

I'm so freaked out about 50-year-olds. I think that every age is scary crossing the road. I, I don't— I, even myself crossing the road, I'm all— I, I, everyone knows I, I go with traffic. I actually— crossing the road to me was the best in China. And even though people— actually, pedestrians don't have the right-of-way in China, so as a pedestrian, you really gotta move with other pedestrians. And I like that. I like the sea of people. And so I find that that's the first thing that scares me with my daughter. As a matter of fact, when I drop her off at the bus station— bus stop— I'm always like, when she goes across, I literally open the door and make sure no other cars are going too fast, because I feel like today's world, people are so busy, they don't recognize a bus They don't, they don't see things, and so they're driving crazy. It feels like there's so many accidents in Miami. I know, I lived at Aventura for, for 3 years. I loved it, but it's crazy, crazy. So you're in Pompano, and how can people find you? How are you reachable? Because I— do you have a website? I couldn't find one for you.

You know, I just changed my website actually, and it was fascinating because I follow one of my mentors and decided to change my website after she did a soul mapping. And numbers, like words, they carry energy. And it's very, very important. Like, we're talking words are 90% energy. Numerology and numbers too, they carry a particular energy. So it's kind of numbers, your name's numbers, or when you're born and all that. It's like gateway to your soul. So she realized that my previous website or business name was not aligned with my soul blueprint. So we changed that. So I'm so excited that my new website since yesterday—

oh, you're kidding me! What is it?

What is it? Healthy— healthy— it is Healthy Haven, like safe place. Haven, A-V-E-N, with Ilka. Oh, I love it!

All right, I'll put it on the, um, I'll put it in this, uh, in the YouTube video. I love that. So, and then you, you said you were a language— so what language? So you're from originally from Russia?

I speak Bulgarian and I studied Russian in high school and in college for 5 years, so I kind of know them both pretty fluently. When I was younger, I used to know French fluently, but 40, 50 years later, it's— my French is rusty. And so Bulgarian, Russian, this is so far ago.

Okay, where were you born?

I'm born in Bulgaria. Many people— Plovdiv is the city in Bulgaria. It's kind of like a north Bulgaria, and, uh, people associate my country with the Balkan Mountain. You know, the Balkan countries, the Balkan Mountain, it's beautiful in the middle of Bulgaria. So people love to travel, they gotta go to Bulgaria and go to the Balkan Mountain. On the south side of it is the Rose Valley. Where the women sing and they pick up the roses and they make the rose oil.

Oh my gosh, it's beautiful.

The women are beautiful, just like they're dressed in their Bulgarian folk, you know, dresses and stuff. And they sing, they pick up the roses, and then they— that's how they make the rose oil.

Why don't you do a trip there? Oh my gosh, why don't you plan a trip there?

Oh yeah, I, I read it a few, few years ago and I help people guide them. Oh, you gotta go castles or whatever, but you put together a retreat. I would like to do— yeah, I'm working on that spiritual retreat to teach the oils and the healing. I love to do that, so I'm looking into that.

I would love to add me to your list so that I can, um— I love that. And then going with a guide like you and having all that information, it sounds beautiful. Oh, I would love, love, love that. This is so great. I really appreciate your time today. So everyone, Healthy Haven, H-A-V-E-N, with Ilka, I-L-K-A, will be in the bottom of the YouTube video. And you also do the oils, and then you talk about trauma and you help people to get rid of their baggage so that they can move forward. And it really is important. I think I have been working on myself too. I am a work in process, I think like all of us are.

Yeah, we can talk more about that.

I love that. I kind of sometimes, sometimes I wish, I wish that I was like born not in 1962 but I was born in like '82 so that I could really enjoy now where there's so many women that have such great skills and they're out there coaching and teaching and that wasn't something that was available you know, even 10 years ago. So it's just so lovely. So I'm glad I'm not too old. So at 58, going to be 59 June 28th, in case you want to send me chocolates. Um, June 28th, is that your birthday?

Great. I, uh, I'm 2 days after you.

Oh, you're Cancer, right?

Cancer babies, we're the sensitive ones. One little pebble in the water and we feel it. That is so true. We love people, we're the sensitive ones and we want to help the world.

And I'm very— so my intuition is so strong that I know it annoys people because— so I've learned to like not share, but when I was younger, I didn't know, I didn't recognize it. I would have it, I would say, but I know, I know, you need to trust my gut, I know. And then afterwards, you know, in the beginning you kind of say, I told you so, until I realized, oh yeah, that's not a nice thing to do.

I must have read something somewhere.

Don't tell people, you know, I told you so. So I would like— okay. But I also like rules. I like following the rules. I like being a teacher. I'm teaching the Fast Track program. It's an entrepreneurial program, and I love that. I love— I guess I really— when I look at the horoscopes, I was telling my daughter the other day, we could really look at everyone's horoscope and kind of take what we want. But I do feel like intuition— like, I will think of something and then it'll appear. I can't even explain it. I think of someone and then they'll pop up. It's just so strong for me. And also, I have such lovely guardian angels. I absolutely know for a fact that I have next to me— and I don't think they're my parents because I had them way long, I think when I was born— but the way my life has gone, I've always had I've always been guided in the right way. So I made all the mistakes I'm supposed to make, but somewhere along the way I find that I'm always thanking my guardian angels, like, oh, thank you so much, because they have—

everyone has guardian angels. They probably don't realize, you know, not everybody realizes, but hopefully they all realize that we're always protected and watched over. And it's just a lovely, lovely thing to believe in, and you have to have gratitude for it.

So, well, you are a beautiful woman. You're intelligent. I love talking to you. I look forward to following you.

I'll see you next, um, love talking to you.

I'll see you next month too, on a Tuesday. Do you like doing them afternoon or the night? Yeah, you like the 12? You did the 12 PM, uh, a couple days ago, right? Were you on the new— were you on the noon call on Tuesday for WPN?

I was at the noon call.

Did you go to the 7 PM call? Did you do the 7 PM?

No, I do one per day. That's— I might do twice, but for now I just do the once a day.

I was thinking of doing twice, but then that— my, my energy was like, yeah, you just like— I just, I just couldn't. I couldn't. I deal with kidney stones, so I'm like trying to, um, get through a little bout of kidney stone pain right now. But thank you so much for all your time.

Well, shoot me an email if you want to chat about it. I might have some suggestions to help you with that.

I would like—

that's my healer speaking with me.

Thank you so much, that's awesome. I will send you an email and I'm going to post this. You are just so lovely, so have a great weekend, a great Memorial Day weekend.

I'll see you in June.

Thank you so much, this is great. I have all your information.

Take care.

Oh, my pleasure, my pleasure. Thank you, you really helped. You, you're very, very good.