Superstar Guest Nina Aouilk, author of Master Your Life ~ Live the Life of Your Dreams,

Happy Monday, everyone! So actually, today is Monday, February 22nd. We got a lot of 2s, and it's 12 o'clock for me, and we've got Nina here from London, 5 PM. So we don't want to rush our day, but Nina's going to be ending her day soon. So very excited to have Nina here. Nina's taking a minute to go on to Adrienne Barker Speaks page and do a watch party. Because Nina has some really interesting story to share. And I want to also find out, Nina, what's happening in London? How are, how are you feeling? What's happening in the COVID picture? So when you're done sharing, because I know it takes a second or two, let's, um, let's talk about that. Actually, you know what, I'll share too. I'll go on my Adrienne Barker Speaks and share it to my regular page. Come on, everyone, go on and share if you're watching. This will be a great conversation. And let's see, of course, it's not so easy with Facebook, is it?

Take a second. We don't actually use it as much in the UK, so I find it quite alien to me because I'm not quite sure how to use it yet. I need a course, actually. So anybody out there wants to give me a course on Facebook, feel free.

Oh, I didn't know that. That's interesting. So actually, so Nina and I met on the new app called Clubhouse. It's— it really is fun. It's audio only, so it's like podcasts on steroids, except you actually can talk to people. So you can moderate a room, you can be in a room. It's, it's awesome. And I'm learning a lot too, and a lot of great connections. So, Nina, I'm thankful for Clubhouse and the fact that you and I can meet. So, okay, so tell me, so what is happening in London right now with COVID With COVID everybody is very affected.

The morale has been very low. And if you've ever been to London, you know, it's quite a grey town anyway. It has its plus days, but it's quite grey. So when it's all shut down, it's very eerie. A lot of people are staying indoors as they've been told, they're not going out. So there's no human interaction. And it's getting difficult for fathers who are not used to being at home with the children because they're unable to work. And it's getting hard for mothers because they're not getting a break. It's getting hard for the children because are not going to school. So all round, for families and single people alone that are living and not able to see anybody else, so they're feeling, feeling very alienated, unable to meet friends. The British culture is very much so about socialising on the weekends especially. So we're all suffering from not being able to go out to eat in a restaurant or meet our friends in the bars or the pubs, as we call them. So there's been a very big shift within our living pattern and it has been so much so for a year and we've not really been out of lockdown very much. This is the difference between our country and a lot of others. And yet the ratio is supposed to be going up. However, they have been giving people the vaccines and they are implicating that things will maybe go back to a semi-normal. But I do feel for the children that are being homeschooled because A lot of parents are not able to do that if they're working themselves. So it's a really difficult time and parents and people that need mental health support are not getting it because there's nobody to give it to them. So I do worry about the mindset of a lot of people that are stuck within doors, but Clubhouse helps a lot of people. It gives them a voice. Yeah.

But wait, so, so, so are you going on almost now a year of being locked down or was it lifted at any point?

It's been lifted, but every time it's lifted, they introduce a different kind of imposition. So we started off with lockdown, a complete lockdown, a national lockdown, and then certain areas were kept in lockdown and the other areas were allowed to open up with restrictions, so that the bars and pubs were closing at 10 PM. A lot of the nightclubs didn't open, a lot of the bigger bars didn't open, so there were— it's never really gone back to normality in that respect. A lot of people that were working in offices are now working from home, so their whole lifestyle has changed and they've not been able to go back to the way they were used to living. And it's a very difficult transition to being— getting up ready in the morning, getting that bus or getting the train or walking or however, whatever your mode of transport is to get into work, going through that daily routine that you're so used to and you've done for years and years and years. To suddenly being told, right, you'll work from home, then looking for a workspace within the home whilst everybody else is at home as well. It's been a real testing time. So we've been in and out of this lockdown with different restrictions, as I said, and we've been unable— now, now you're not allowed to go to a grocery store or a shop with anybody else, you have to go alone, and that was one of the new things. So we're not allowed to really be out and about. So they're really pushing people to stay within the four walls of your house. And if you have a large house, that's great, but for a lot of people in London, flats are quite small, so they could be in a one-bedroom house with their family, which is really, really difficult. So my heart does go out to them. It's very difficult, like I said. Yeah.

So, okay, so just to give you an update where we are, completely the opposite. So I live in Daytona Beach, Florida. I'm the, on the East Coast of Florida, and we're open for business pretty much. The, like, we have the Daytona races are going on, so I don't know if there is maybe a minimum. I'm a little confused. So we have Disney World is open and Universal Studios. Everything is at a smaller capacity, but you wouldn't know when you walk outside. It feels the same. So I feel bad. My heart goes out to you because I can't imagine. We could hardly do it. Well, this is just Florida though. Other states I know are going through it. My daughter is in school. She did homeschooling for like a month and then they called me. They're like, she needs to come to school. She's not doing that great at home. And she wasn't. The anxiety— she's going to be 15. The anxiety still just being with everything going on in high school is just horrible. So I can't imagine The kids, you know, the teenagers especially, all of a sudden being home.

Yes, it's just a difficult time.

But now it is a time of growth for a lot of coaches. So a lot of, a lot of those in the industry, you know, transformation, a lot of people are making changes. Here in Florida, you know, we found like homes are selling fast because people realize, ooh, we need to stay home. I want to make my home be someplace where I just absolutely love. So home sales now are— it's definitely a seller's market. You know, it's all these changes that are going on throughout the world. But share with us your story. So you have an interesting story, and I think everyone wants to hear, and then how, how you went about making the changes.

Yeah, so I, I'm from an Asian background. My parents are Indian, and I was born into a family that which is really common. They don't tend to want a daughter. It's happening still across the world where they, if they have a pregnancy and it's a daughter, they will abort it because they want a son, which doesn't equate to the balance of life really. You need both to sort of keep, keep the heritage going. Um, but the problem being, I was one of the, you know, I was one of the first daughters and my father didn't want a daughter. And traditionally, a lot of people from my culture just want sons, but I did have two older siblings who were brothers, um, two boys. So you would think that maybe he would be accepting, but he really wasn't. So I was a very much neglected child from birth. I was left often unfed, and one of my first memories is eating soil in the garden, which sounds quite disgusting, but I thought it was food because my mother would plant potatoes and various other vegetables. So I saw her bringing out food and thought maybe it is food. And I wasn't fed, so I was looking, I was sourcing something to eat. Um, that's one of my first memories. And then I just remember when we moved from one town to another because my father had changed jobs, and we— my job became within the home very much so just to look after everybody. And I've become a nurturer since. So from the age of 6, I was cooking, I was doing all of the laundry. I was allowed to go to school, which I'm blessed to have done, been able to do so. But my main job, I was called out when something needed doing. So they would call me out the top of the stairs and I'd listen out when I was called, and I'd run downstairs, a little scary, you know, quite happily, um, just to be given me my chores, whether it was sweeping up or cooking for the whole family, or as I said, often doing the laundry. Because back then, I'm older than I look, there weren't any washing machines. So It was very much so being self-sufficient with what we had within the home. And then from there, I, um, unfortunately had a very traumatic sexual abuse, um, happening in the home. And the same person that was supposed to protect me was one of the people that were involved. It was a case whereby he came back with his friends who were drunk, and they took advantage of me. At the age of 14, which actually left me very traumatized. And I wouldn't— I couldn't get over it. I wouldn't say to myself that looking back I could have been any stronger than I was, because I just didn't want to carry on. And I think we all in our lives have had one or two times where we've hit rock bottom and we thought, what is this all about? Why do I want to be here? What is the purpose of me being here? And I did try to take my life at that time. I understand that it's very common for women to take an overdose with pills, and men try other methods. However, and that was my method, I tried to take lots of pills. But once my mother had found out, I was beaten and beaten stomach actually until I was sick, and I didn't manage to do that. But it did lead to a pregnancy, and that did lead to an abortion, which then led to me being so sad and so broken that I just wanted to end my life. And I was very young. 14 is a very young age. You don't— you're going through a lot of changes within yourself, and not to have that support and to go through that trauma without the support— I see more so now that I really needed to reach out to somebody, but I didn't because I was so scared. And then later on, I was— I went into an arranged marriage, and I married the son of one of the people that had abused me. So I was living within an extended family with again the person that had, had abused me. So I was always living in fear. But when I walked into the marital home, my husband rejected me straight away and said that he already had a girlfriend. Because back in those days, and it's still probably happening now, it's very common for a person to get married because of tradition and culture, to uphold their reputation in the community, that they've got married to another girl who's from the same culture. But they don't actually want to be with you. And it's very difficult for that person as well because they're being told what to do. So it's all right to sort of say, well, I've— my ex-husband was X, Y, and Z, but you know, he's not really got a choice in the matter either. So I can empathize, looking back, that he was trying to find his own happiness in his own way, and we just sort of muddled along like most of us do through life. At 4 years went on, and I got to a point where constantly fighting off my father-in-law because I did not want to be raped by him, to a point where when I struck 21, I was working in a really amazing job, so I was being influenced by the people I worked with. I found a little bit of comfort by talking to someone who was older than me and told her what was happening, and she said, you know, it's not right for this to happen and you can't live in this way. So I ran back to my parents because where else would I go? Who else did I have? And when I arrived there, they did, um, unfortunately try to commit an honor killing. Because in Asian cultures and in African cultures and in the Middle Eastern areas, if you go against something that is traditionally correct, politically correct in their way— they're traditionally correct— they will try to kill you because you are bringing shame upon the family name, and the family name means more than your life. So for my father to be able to walk out and have his respect, as he called it, he needed to kill me. And he took it upon himself to try and do that with my brother. And they beat me to a point where I'd collapsed, and it was really traumatic. I have to say, it's very traumatic. Um, but somehow I survived that. And then they had planned to send me abroad to finish off the honor killing, which I believe they would have done because my father's not long come out of prison because he's done exactly that to a child he had out of wedlock. So 30 years on, if someone's doing the same thing, their mindset's not going to change. And a lot of people don't even know what an honor killing is, but I guarantee in Florida there's been no end of honor killings around the corner from you, but you'll never hear of them. Because only a certain amount of them are recorded and data will prove that the numbers are low. But I know for sure that it's happening every day, which really hurts my feelings and makes me feel very sad because I wish I could do something to help those children, because they are children that are in those situations. But moving on with myself, I ended up with the father of my children and It wasn't a relationship. I'd never dated him. I just had gone to him for a place of comfort because he'd offered me his place and said it would be safe for me to live there. However, he turned out to be very abusive, and it was one of those— express— the expression comes to mind, from out of the fire into the frying pan, and it literally was that. And I had 3 amazing children with him. I lost a baby. I my— one of my babies died at birth because I was, um, because of domestic violence. You know, you create this imagery in your head and this beautiful life that you think you're going to live, and you try and make the most of it. I think as, as a parent as well, you try and make this house on the prairie, I always call it, because that's what I used to watch, you know, I used to listen to rather than watch. Um, but I had this imagery that I would have a nice house with to, you know, children and a mummy and a daddy, and you sort of have that in your head and you really try hard, but you don't see what's going on around you. But in between all of this, I was creating a huge— um, I was working on myself and my businesses because I'm very entrepreneurial. So I'd started off forecasting fashion colors for various stores, and I was— I've always been self-employed. I've only had one job for somebody else, so I've always enjoyed that drive, that push that you can do better than this. And one of our family mottos has always been, be the best you can be with the gifts that you have, primarily because I feel a lot of people waste their talents and waste their ability. And I'm very much so about, well, there's not a lot I can do about this, but what can I do going forward? I can't go back because it doesn't serve me. I'm here, so I've got two choices: either stay here or I keep moving forward. And I choose to move forward with my life because there's so much more I have yet to discover. And on a personal level, I have a lot to discover, and on a business level, I have so much more to give and accomplish, which I'm working on fiercely. But the end of the marriage— it wasn't a marriage— the end of the relationship after 23 years, we were removed over here. We have social services. I'm sure they might be called the same thing there, I'm not sure, but we have authorities that will remove you if you're in a dangerous situation. And my ex-partner had tried to kill me numerous times, and he did try to take the life of my son and, and mine. So it got to a stage where the choice was taken away from me, it was made for me, which was because my son had spoken out. He was very brave. He'd gone to school and said that, you know, my dad's tried to kill me, I'm scared, and he does this to my mother. And it would have taken a lot for him to do that. Um, obviously he'd gone against what he was told to do because we tell your child, don't say anything, you know, don't say anything out of fear for the reaction, because it's opening a can of worms, as you can imagine. But I left with nothing. I didn't have the house. I left him in the 7-bedroom house that he's in. I left him with all the businesses because I couldn't physically pick them up and move them. I was unable to run them because it meant, you know, meeting him head to head, and I didn't want to be anywhere near him. I was— I actually ran from the fear of my own life. So I left with nothing, and we ended up in dire accommodation that the government provide for you. It was atrocious and inhabitable. Nobody could actually live there, and we became homeless.

Yeah, sorry, what country are you in? Are you still in India?

I've never lived in India. I'm British-born. I'm very British. So I'm gonna see All happened in the United Kingdom. Yeah, okay, it's all happened in the United Kingdom. My parents are from, um, North India, so my parents are from India, but everything— they were immigrants when they came over in the 1960s, then they settled here. So everything that I'm talking about has happened within the United Kingdom. And yeah, I'm not— I'm not left this country. It sounds a little bit bizarre, but as I was saying, these things do happen around the corner from you, and they will happen all over the world. It's just they're kept within very close circles because we're not allowed to talk about them. So for me, breaking the silence actually makes me a little bit of a target in that respect, because I'm talking against honor killings and arranged marriages and again bringing shame upon not just my family but the whole culture. But it's not a vindictive, um, train of thought, or it's not a vindictive journey that I'm on. I'm actually trying to bring awareness that these things happen so that maybe as I was a child turning up at school unfed and dirty with my hair never brushed, maybe a teacher could have picked up on that. Or maybe another child, if they were educated to a certain degree, could have picked up and gone back to their parent, and the parent could have picked up on that because there was a sign of neglect for sure. And when I was 14 and I went back to school, I was frail thing. I was very— I was just lost, very lost after what had happened, after the trauma of the abuse had happened. You know, I was constantly living in fear with my family. There was no— there was no understanding of belonging. I was always told I wasn't good enough, which is a common thing people tell others. And it's that mental abuse. I've said many a time that when you're living through physical abuse, you're hit and you're it'll— you move forward from it a lot quicker than mental abuse. And my ex-partner, he was constantly mentally abusing not just myself but my children, and I didn't understand it at the time, but I do see it now. And it really has an effect on you long term if you don't accept that none of those things were true and that you don't have the control over why people do things, because we have this question of why did he do that, or why did she say that, why did my mother watch them. I tried to justify a lot of things, and I tried to say, well, you know, maybe she didn't have a choice, maybe she wasn't strong enough to speak up to my father and say don't beat her to that point, or maybe she wasn't able, or maybe my father thought I was, you know. And you sort of go around, around circles in your own mind to a point where you can actually drive yourself completely crazy trying to get this get the answers. But I've learned over time— and I'm, you know, just had another birthday, so one more year older— I've learned that you just have to let things go. You have to accept that you don't determine a situation. You might be told that you've created this problem, but you're not actually the problem. The problem is within the people that are imposing those impositions on you. The problem is within their thought process. And the problem is that they almost hold themselves accountable to things in their own mind, but they're very, um, they're working against everything that they're saying. So they're very hypocritical. My father's talking about respect, and yet he's had an affair and had this child and then taken the child away and gone to jail. But the community's welcomed him back in very openly. Whereas if I was to walk into the local temple that I used to go to as a child, they would shun me and ask me to leave, and they would physically do that. And it's got nothing to do with religion. I have to say very strongly, it has absolutely nothing to do with religion. This has to do with community and cultural impositions that they create, like a fence to almost hold you within this mindset. And as soon as you step out and you start to grow and you start to question things, then you become the black sheep, or you become the person that's loose, or whatever they want to describe you as, you know. So it's, it's difficult. But when I found myself homeless with my son, I did get some help. I had no family or friends, as I've said, but I do believe in angels. And, uh, we did find somebody. We came across somebody who's still my angel, as I call her, and she opened her doors to us. And because of that, it gave me a chance to save money, work, and get to the stage we're at. It's been a very slow process because I'm an impatient person. And when you're used to being an entrepreneur and you can make things happen and suddenly you're restricted, you are quite tough on yourself. But it's actually 5 and a half years. I keep saying 6, come rounding it off, but it's nearly 6. So, um, by the end of this year, my ambition is to have a house of my own, that stability, that security for my children. They are older, but I still feel that I want that for them and myself. I deserve that for myself also, but It's been a long journey, and trust is an issue still because people often open their arms to you and say, well, you've been through a lot, Nina, let me help you, or let me be your friend, and then they have an ulterior motive. And you don't understand why people are like this, you know, and you think, well, why would you do this if I've just told you everything I've gone through? But then again, they're just reminders of what you don't need in your life. And slowly but surely, I'm sure I'll find my own tribe, as I keep calling it.

So we— so your story is hard to hear and hard to process. And so you— your mother and father, they weren't, you know, a lot of times you could say, well, they were doing drugs, they, you know, had something else outside, but really they weren't doing drugs. This is just their I get the culture of it, but also like who they are, and also the no value of a child. And I guess that is around the world, people don't value our, our own children. As a matter of fact, some people value animals more than children. They will picket and fight to protect the dog, which I understand, but I often— they say that they compare that to, are they doing the same kind of fighting to protect the children? And the answer is often no. So you really— when you're trying to find excuses to like, okay, well, maybe they were this way, that had to be— you must have just been hitting a wall all the time.

I didn't try to figure it out. I think from a young age someone spoke to me, one of my clients actually spoke to me and said that— he said, I think— because we became friends, and he said, I think you created a coping mechanism of survival. And he said, I think you created this coping mechanism from a very young age where you literally let things go and you didn't, you didn't hold them within your mindset. You understood that there's not a lot you can do about it, so you would just let something go. It would hurt you for a little while, and as you got older and older and older, you let them go a lot quicker. And it's true, I don't hold on to I don't have any hate for anybody in my heart because hate's such a, such a strong emotion. I would never want to harm anyone. I don't dislike my parents. I don't not love them. I don't want to understand them because I don't feel I need to understand them. They are doing what they've done and I'm doing what I'm doing. I don't have any ill feelings for anyone. I'm with them within their own place and time. I wish them well, but I don't want anything to do with them because I feel they would be toxic for my mentality. And also, I'm a completely different person to the person I was when they knew me, so they wouldn't probably even recognize who I am. There's a lot of differences within my whole, whole personality, my whole understanding, my whole, um, the way I hold myself and speak. I'm a completely different person to the one they knew. I no longer have that fear That fear is something I used to allow in, and I don't allow that in anymore because I'm not able to control what's going to happen. I understand that, but that fear controls you to such a point. I mean, I'm going to use it in a different term, but the whole pandemic has created a whole fear that people are so scared they're forgetting how to live. And that is an example of how I was. I forgot that I had a choice, that I had an ability to live. And I lived a very sheltered life. See, I'd never dated anybody, and my culture restricted me from doing the normal things a teenager would, like going out to watch a film and just being social. So I'm still yet to, you know, I'm not long, um, before the lockdown, my friend took me to play 10-pin bowling, or I'm not sure what you call it over there. And it was, it was my first experience, and I was like a child. I was like jumping up and down, I was so excited. But these are all the things I'm still wanting to do and still learning. But I love it and I've embraced it. It's not a case of being sad that I've missed out. It's a case of, oh, I have so many things to look forward to, and I love that. And, you know, I don't, I don't begrudge anybody because I do feel even my ex-partner did what he thought was right. He wouldn't do it otherwise. He didn't understand the severity of it. And if he did, then that's on him. It's not something I've created or caused. You do feel when you're in these situations that you're the cause of everything because you're told that. And that's why I'd like to get across to other people that you really are not, and you do have a choice. You can get through things. And I'm not belittling anybody else's trauma or anybody else's loss because I don't have the right to say to anybody that you can't feel like this, I've been through this, because it's not a comparison. There's that compassion there that Humanity should all live within a certain type of agreement also, and be allowed to do certain things, and have the luxury of living without fear, have the luxury of living with food and shelter and love. And these things are not seen always as a luxury, and people that have them do sometimes not understand the luck that they have, these amazing um, things within their own homes. And I'm— and it'd be nice to remind them, but I'm not here to remind them. I'm here to sort of help the other people that need it more, so need that love, to sort of say, well, you know what, I love you. I don't know you, and I don't have to know you to love you, but I love you, and you are loved, and you are enough. And you mustn't listen to the words that are so negative around you, that you must love yourself. Because as you know, once you start to love yourself, you have overflowing love that you want to share with the world, and you don't want anybody to ever feel the hurt that you've hurt— you've felt yourself. So if I was going back and I would say to that little girl that I used to be, I would say to her, you're doing just fine, keep going, this is your journey, you're going to get there, and you'll find love at the end of this journey. You will find, you know, I still always believe in fairy tales, I still do to a certain degree. You'll find your fairy tale ending and you will, you know, I found a lot of love through my children, admittedly. And if I was going back 20 years, I would say to that woman, that young woman, I would say, well, you're doing a great job as being a mother. You're running so many businesses. You're providing the best things you can provide for your children. You're wanting that better life for them. Don't let that go. Always want that for them. And then even 5 years ago, 6 years ago, when I left and I was homeless and I was bewildered with this new life that I thought, what am I going to do? You know, it takes a little time for your mentality to kick in and adjust naturally because you've led a life— 23 years is a long time to be within a relationship, and I didn't know any different. So I would go back to her and say, look, you have just taken the biggest step of your life and things are going to work out fantastically. Stay strong. You're not going to be in this place very long. You will be the place you want to be pretty soon. Just keep going, and that's what I would say.

I love that. Jeff Newman, amazing man out of the New Jersey area, New York, New Jersey, wrote, yes, the greatest freedom I have is my freedom of choice.

Yeah, I agree with that totally.

You know what's— you know, when you— you have such a beautiful smile. When you smile It does something. It reminds me— I can't even think of his name, but there's a couple, you know, you have like a singer or an actor, and every time they smile, you like look for their smile. You have that kind of smile where you just— it's really beautiful. I'm glad that nobody could take your smile away. So now, what are you doing now for work? What is your career?

I, I've done a lot of things actually since I left. I've done all sorts of promotional work. I've worked at the airport for greeting people that have come. But it's a strange thing that happened, was I kept meeting people, quite elite people, who would gravitate towards me and start opening up and telling me things about their lives. And I realized that I do have a high level of emotional intelligence, and I have a certain level of skill when it comes to really making sense. And I started to mentor people and become more of a strategic coach by saying to them, right, the life coach is very vague, it doesn't really cover very much. So, but I will cover every aspect of what they need to do in order to progress in their lives. So I've helped quite a few well-known sports people that I won't mention because of confidentiality, and that trust, they really like that trust with me. Um, and I've really helped them overcome certain issues that they face when they go from the struggle to get to the top, and when they are at the top, they're struggling then to accept that because they're used to this constant fight. And they get there and they think, well, what do I do now? And where do I go from here? And it's not that— it's that ability not to receive, which I'm learning about myself, you know, that you've been give, give, give, and that they have to learn to also receive. So I've learned as I've been helping them, and I have taken a few courses to give me some certification for that purpose. But I think you can do a lot of studying, you can go into a degree, you can go and learn and do numerous courses on NLP and the whole works, but it doesn't make you a good coach. What makes you a good coach, in my opinion, is your heart and the fact that you can stand back and say, okay, I can see the situation, I can recognize these faults, I can recognize these feelings, and this is how we can progress from here. And give them a chance to talk, because a lot of people are talking over everybody else. They're not actually listening to the message that's coming across from somebody. If somebody says, I'm okay, they're not. It's just something they say to push the question away. So it's having that ability to recognize a need and really focusing on that need, and then from there going forward with the person to help them, again in my words, be the best they can be with the gifts that they have. But I always give— I have exercises that I give to people, and one of the things I always say to them is, right, go away, this is how I'm going to organize you, but you must do one thing for yourself, because self-care is very overlooked. And when you're trying to meet a goal or you're trying to get to a destination, you are so gung-ho, you know, just carrying on every day, and you don't give yourself rest. You don't give yourself even time to sit and eat. Sometimes you're eating at the laptop, or you're eating while you're on the go, or you're grabbing food anywhere that it comes, and it's not really what you need. You should switch off from everything, like you switch off to sleep. You should switch off and sit and just have time to yourself to actually enjoy the food. I think a lot of people don't even taste food they're eating because they're just so much in a rush. And it's sad because we've created this society. But I do tell them to take a step back. Nothing's going to fall apart for 5, 10 minutes if you give yourself a window of 15 minutes just to take time off and make sure that you're giving yourself that love. And it is a form of love. It's a form of giving you what you most need. It's like the gym. A lot of people go to the gym, but they go to the gym for the wrong reason. They go to the gym because they want to look good. And it's a good thing that they want to look good, but sometimes they lose the reality of it and it becomes obsessional almost, whereas almost they should be going to the gym to stay fit and healthy so that they can then look after the people around them. But they don't see that. They see, I want to look in a certain way, and who doesn't? Everybody wants to look a certain way. But when you're focused on that, you're forgetting about the importance of self-care again, and it it can be detrimental. So I seem to attract, and, um, as I said, my energy seems to pull in people of a very elite nature. And I like that because it also is a confirmation of my self-worth and my ability, which I have to accept from the universe and say thank you. I know that I'm able to do this. So that's what I've been doing. But unfortunately, my clients like to see me face to face. And when you're on a Zoom call or using the methods of as we're using now, it's not quite the same. The energy is not always reciprocated, and, and I think they like that feeling of being in my, or, um, you know, my sort of space. So I've not been doing as much life coaching over the pandemic as I wish I could have, but I have been doing as much as I can. And I do feel it's my calling to help others, so it's, it's not always about the money. As I keep saying to people, it's got to be something you're enjoying, and I thoroughly enjoy it.

I mean, your story definitely is one that would open someone up to really talk to you and know that you've been there and, and you are going to be understanding. So, and of course, I just— every time you smile, it just does something to me. I don't— you know, it's really— it, it— there's I don't even know how to describe it, but your smile— and the minute I saw you, I said, your smile, it gives me, it gives me like a smile to my own heart. Like you're smiling and it hits my heart. So what are your goals for the next— so, okay, so let's just say, what are your goals? I'm curious, when pandemic is over and you're able to get out, personal and professional, what are those goals? And then what do you have for your, your goal setting for like the next 3 years? What are you looking to accomplish?

Yeah, so I'm working with— I'm very excited. I'm working with somebody I met on Clubhouse. His name's James Whittaker, and he's on my Facebook and my Instagram. So if you see him, please check him out. I'm working with him to develop my business, so he's helping me with the infrastructure. Because often, even though we're entrepreneurs and we are self-starters, we do need that direction, because if we don't grow, we'll stay where we are. So I'm very much about expanding and learning from somebody who knows better than I do. I don't have the mentality that I know everything, so I definitely don't, and I love to learn. So I, I would say to everybody that sometimes you do need to go and find someone that's going to elevate you, because the people you are around will either keep you where you are or you will elevate yourself. And I want— and I'm going to keep saying it— I want this home for my children So that's where I'm going. So James is a lovely person. He's in America also, and he's helping me. I'm doing a course with him that he does. I think it's called Day One, spelled W-O-N. And I love that because you've won, and I love that.

Oh yes, yes, that's cool.

That's so cool. So I'm going to be embarking on that. So I'm really going to cancel a lot of things, block them off, because I want to dedicate my time to that. Because I think if you're trying to do too many things you don't actually get one thing done. So I can juggle, I'm not saying I can't, I've done it all my life, but I would like to do that with my whole, um, concentration on, on, and that. So I'm going to be doing that, and that's going to— I'm going to work with him over the next 5 years developing myself and my business. So I'm excited. And then I am in, um, I'm working with somebody called Sean Fair, who's also on my Facebook, and Instagram. He has invited me to represent the country, so I've made history. So I'm super proud of that. So I'm the first British person to be chosen to speak on the platform in Detroit in April. And if anybody goes to my Instagram, my Linktree, they can buy tickets to watch because my speech will show you how you can decide on things and how you can actually let go. I'm using a method that I won't give away But I've devised a method that I do use with clients that they can put their traumas behind them and let those anchors that weigh you down just to let them go so that you are able to not go back and forth, that you're able just to sail forward into that endless blue sea of opportunities that's out there for all of us. Sometimes we don't know how to get there, so what I charge for coaching is a hell of a lot more than the ticket. So if you do buy a ticket, you'll be able to learn that amazing skill. So yeah, so that's going to be in April, on April 10th, and it's going to be held in, as I said, Detroit. So I'm going to be traveling, and I'm allowed to travel, so I'm super pleased about that. So I'll be there.

But I'll be here to Detroit. Where? Detroit?

In— it's in Troy. Detroit? Troy? Yeah, it's in Troy in Detroit, Michigan. I'm really bad.

You're coming to the United States?

I'm coming to the United States.

I'm getting a ticket. Oh, I'm so excited!

So yeah, I think everybody that will watch my speech will understand how it's possible to move forward with your life if you want to. And I think people do get to a point where they get fed up and they don't know what to do, and they think, well, what can I do? And I'm going to tell you exactly what you can do. So, so it's going to be a worthwhile watch, and there's a lot of other amazing speakers that will be there on the day as well. And yes, it's definitely worth the watch. So I've got that exciting trip in April, and whilst I'm there, I'm going to see a few other people that have invited me to speak on various platforms. I feel that my life has been traumatic, and I, I get that, but I feel that I found my purpose through that trauma. I feel that I found the real me, the person that needs to break the silence, that needs to talk about it. But it's not— it is about me, it is, but it's not all about me because it it's about the message that I can get across more so. And if I— the reason I'm saying it is about me as well is because I'm stood here, I'm the one who's gone through everything to understand how you can get through it. So I have to, and I have to also accommodate my thoughts and my thought process and my strengths so that I can tell you about your strengths. Otherwise it can't just be about the other person. So with that transition, I, I would love to be able to reach out to people like me that was stuck in a situation for 23 years and thought they had no choice, that thought they had to stay where they were, that they are. And there'll be plenty of them out there, plenty of people that are struggling, whether they're female or male, in a relationship. And I'd love to be able to say to them that, you know, freedom is something that is really indescribable. Um, it's bewildering. It's almost overwhelming, but the beauty of life is out there for everyone to be lived. So I want that for you, I want that for them, I want for everyone to feel loved because we deserve that love. And for a lot of people, they want to get through that horrible dark space and out on the other end. But people say, oh, would you shine the light? And I'm— I will shine the light, but I don't want to go in and get them. I want to almost give them the tools to come out themselves. Because you have to go through that self journey, that journey of understanding who you are as a person, so that when you are on the other side, you're strong enough to then help somebody else because you'll want to, and you'll be helping yourself and a lot of other people by doing it. So that's my purpose, I feel. And when I am on Clubhouse, as you probably know, I do get into rooms and people have named me London's Life Coach, which I quite like. I think it sounds quite catchy. And, um, I'm always there for anybody that needs to speak to me. I've often gone into rooms and taken people out to give them the privacy and had a 10-minute talk to them and said, look, I'm going to check on you. And I've got a list— I'm not even joking— I've got a list of people, and I've got a little rota that I check on, check in on them all the time through Instagram. And often I will arrange another Clubhouse private room with them and say, tell me how you're doing. And I've given them tools to go away with. It's not just myself, my friend Christina, she also does it with me. But we've had a lot of people that have been in situations that— and they don't know what to do. A lot of them have walked away, and I'm so proud of that because it takes a lot of guts. But then what do I— what do I do now? You know, I'm here now, but what do I do? And you do go through a grieving process. It sounds terrible, but you do go through a grieving process for the life you had because it's all you knew. I think you have to go through that. But having been through it, I can probably recognize the signs and listen and say, yes, I understand where you're going through. And, you know, you take your time. There's no mad rush to get anywhere. Take your time, because if you try and rush somebody, that will just come back and back and back, and that trauma will constantly bother them through life. So it's a good idea to allow them to heal and help them heal through it so that they move forward without that trauma hanging over their, their whole being, or as again I use the word anchor, weighing them down.

Yeah, there's a lovely man called C.L. King. I'm gonna— I want you to— I'm gonna just introduce the two of you together. Do you ever think, Nina, how often, like, you're telling your story now and how many people that you are helping and healing and not even knowing? They just hear your story and that may be enough to at least give them courage or know they're not alone. That's really remarkable to be able to do that.

I hope, if nothing else, there's an awareness of honour killings, that there's more of an awareness of people maybe just looking out. Because, you know, as a society, we tend to think we don't want to get involved, or we don't want to, you know, annoy somebody or get into some awful trouble. But just a quiet word could help somebody. You don't need to get directly involved. You could tip off the school, or you could tip off the police, or you could tip off social services without being directly involved. And that could save a child's life, that could change a woman and her children's life, or just even a gentleman. That's— I know lots of men that have been in horrible relationships, and it could help them understand that there's more to life than the life that they're living. Because I keep saying, a lot of us are existing in life. We're We're going through our day-to-day routines, but we're not actually living it to the extent that life can be lived. Even now with the pandemic, I just get in my car and I drive out and I sing songs to myself. And the people driving past probably think, what is that crazy girl doing? But I love it. You know, I love living and I want everyone else to love living too. I—

before you go, I want to ask you this question. So the terminology of honor killing, it's like, you know, when I heard it when I was younger, I remember thinking, well, Honor, because an honor is such a positive thing. I'm going to give you an honor, but then you're terming it with killing. And I remember thinking to myself, there's got to be a better terminology when you're like— the term of it, I understand within the family itself that you're doing it because you think it's an honor. I mean, I don't get it honestly, but I— but is there ever been a thought of like changing the name? Or when you go to just— because it's so confusing if someone really has no idea what it is.

I don't think we need to understand it. I think we just need to understand that it's wrong, and we need to understand that some people think it's right. And the ones that think it's right, we need to try to explain to them why it's wrong and that it's no longer necessary, you know, that we're living in a totally different era. I think people, when they were living in a country— for example, I can only use my parents as an example— when they were brought up in India, the rules and regulations imposed upon them from their parents would have been very different to what the children that are being brought up in India are like now. They've moved forward, but because they brought those traditions with them in the '60s, they've retained that, thinking that's the norm. But people over there have moved forward. I've spoken to people in India, they've said, well, that's very backward. That's the exact words they've used. And yet they don't know any different because that's what they were taught. So maybe it's an educational point, but you know, there are homes in India and they take in daughters when they're born, and you can literally go and take the daughters to their doorstep and walk away rather than killing the daughter, because that's what they were doing. But even those homes have problems because they're not really what they are showing to be, and there's a lot of child trafficking that's involved, which is something else I'm very against. And I'm working with somebody called Scott Lumley Um, there's a few people on Clubhouse that are very much against that, and I'm against that because it's not just children. Again, it's men, women, and, and different ages that are all around, but mainly the children that don't have a choice, that are forced into situations for all sorts of reasons. It's crazy, you know, for sometimes medical reasons. And it's all about choice. This is, this is the thing. This is what I'm— this is my speech is mainly about how not to be a prisoner of your past and how to make the right choice. Because once you decide you're going to make a choice, your life will change. And you sometimes have to do it, and even children have to maybe talk out and to give them that voice and say, it's okay, babe, it's all right, you can talk, you can do this, just to give them a bit of strength. But it's hard to infiltrate the world, and with social media now it's getting easier, but still very hard to infiltrate every, every household that you need to because things are monitored in such a way, which is why it has to come through somebody like yourself or somebody that is watching this that has the ability to watch this, the freedom to watch this, that they can then take it away and say, actually, I watched this girl on— this weird girl from London, she was going on about honor killings, but she was saying on a more serious note that it's, it's something that I'm looking out for. And I've noticed that the girl up the road, she's very restricted, and maybe I need to keep more of an eye on her. Because that girl hasn't got the choice. Maybe you could give her the choice. And it's saving someone's life, effectively.

Thank you so much. I think that you actually kind of— you kind of were pulling something out of me, and it's interesting because you're right. It's like, why— I get that. I hear that a lot. Why do I always have to find out the why? Like you said, I don't necessarily have to know the reasons why to to decide to move forward or behind. That is really a life lesson I have to learn myself, so I appreciate you really kind of— you kind of pulled it out. That's why I love coaches, because you could always— the way you look, your minds are so unique, the way you look at things, and you're able to pull out the things that really— because that, that is me. What? Why? I need to know why. I'm a forward thinker, so I have to know why, and then I have to figure things out right away, and, and I have to get out of my own head with that. I really, really appreciate your sharing your story. It's a tough story to hear, definitely a hard story to process, but your honesty and really speaking up— and I agree with you, I was, uh, there's a program called Sold No More out of Tucson, Arizona, and I, you know, so I went in the training when I lived in Tucson about making sure that we could recognize the signs and how to teach children. Their program is called Power Over Predators, which is an amazing program because the predator could actually be the young kid in the seat right next to my daughter in school, could actually also be a predator. So my daughter went for a walk yesterday and her phone died and I had her on Snapchat. So all of a sudden she's in a location on Snapchat. We live in an apartment complex. I go to where she is, so now we're together on Snapchat. I can't find her. I am like freaking out. Yeah, I mean, talk about being a helicopter mom. I'm like ready to call the police. I called her boyfriend, and then she wasn't answering the phone. And part of me knew, well, she could be home, but we had— we had went up, we double-checked, and she wasn't. But you know what, these are— a lot of these crimes are crimes of opportunity. So I was so nervous, and, and she said, what is wrong with you? And I'm like, because these things you just never know. They're crime of opportunity. And then all of a sudden you're taken and then that's it. And that is my worst fear of having an almost 15-year-old. It consumes me to the point where if you talk to my daughter, she'll tell you I can't do anything because my mom is a helicopter scared mom who doesn't give her any freedom. But now she can't leave the house unless her phone is charged.

Well, thank you for being such an amazing mother. I'm really proud of you, and I thank you so, so much for caring so much about her. She's blessed to have you. So don't, don't think of yourself as being overcautious, because I don't think we can be cautious enough. And you're doing the best you can be, you know, the best you can do with, with the way that you are coping within the situations around you. And I think you're very alert. I think you're very intelligent to think that way. And you are allowing her to do things because she's out and about. You're not restricting her from doing things, but you're constantly reminding her to be cautious, which I think is a life lesson. So again, thank you so much for being an amazing mother.

Oh, Nina, I'm going to follow you. I'm going to follow you, and I definitely got to get a ticket for Detroit. That is so exciting. And so let's stay in touch, and thank you so much. I'll get you a copy of this. I want to put you together with CL King just so you guys can just connect And he's got a podcast. I think that you would be a great guest on his podcast. And I look forward to seeing you on Clubhouse.

Thank you so much. I'll speak to you soon. Thank you. Oh my gosh.

My, my time, your time. Thank you. You really, you really helped me. Thank you.

Thanks so much.

Oh, thank you. I really appreciate it. All right. Now we'll stop the streaming of this program.