Attracting Your Soulmate & Building Wealth in a Conscious Relationship {w/ Jax Wimmer}

going from so hyper-masculine to literally, he was like, all you have to do is, he was like, cook, cook lunch and dinner for us. And I was like, okay. And it was the most amazing time of my life. It's something that I've always desired, but again, I didn't know it. And it's hard to express yourself if you don't know it. So I was just like in this like, let's fucking go. Like we need to make money and like we need to go. And it's like when that was taken away taken from me, I was able to see like a whole other side that was— that I was kind of just like, just angry at. I was angry at the feminine because I thought femininity meant chaos, and I thought femininity meant poor. People don't go all in on their healing, and therefore the relationship's healing. And relationships are really the deeper healing integrated. You can do as much work on yourself as possible, but really how you integrate is with a conscious relationship. Like, I 100% wholeheartedly believe that, that doesn't matter what plant medicine you do, doesn't matter what guru you go to, what mentor you have, anything— the most and deepest work you will ever have is in a conscious relationship.

All right guys, welcome back to another episode On the Narrow Path Podcast. It is an absolute pleasure to have you guys tune into this exciting episode that I have laid out for you guys. For today's episode, I am going to be sharing the floor with a guest. She is a mother, she's a conscious entrepreneur, a former mind, body, and soul coach, and she's currently a key player in the Conscious Wealth brand, where her and her partner are revolutionizing the education system and teaching people the secrets of the 1%. Please welcome Mrs. Jax Wimmer, everyone.

Hello, thank you so much for having me, Mark. I'm looking forward to our conversation today, and I'm So looking forward to seeing what flows out today.

Likewise, Jax. Thank you for coming on board and gracing us with your time and energy. We really appreciate it.

Of course, happy to be here.

The first thing that I want to go over with you is because, just to give the audience a bit more context, this is our first time ever interacting like face to face.

Yeah.

Um, and, uh, Jax is a real superstar because she actually did my my brand logo for the Narrow Path Podcast. It's super awesome. Um, so shout out to Jax. We, we have communicated before, but, um, this is our first time talking ever. And, um, you know, I'm really excited to get to know Jax personally. She's very successful in her life, I would, I would say, you know, from judging from the way that I see her and her partner, how they move in life, they're very successful, to share the experiences with you guys, because I wholeheartedly believe that she has a lot of value to add to the, you know, the, the people that are out there that are striving for something much greater in this life, that want to make an impact, that want to learn how to be in a conscious relationship too. And for the women too, to embody femininity and to just be a, um, just an absolute rock star when it comes to being the, uh, supporting role for her partner and helping build an empire. So, um, to start things off, I wanted to ask you, um, what can you tell me from your past so that, that way I can gain a better understanding of the woman that I'm speaking to now?

Yeah, that's a, that's an open-ended question right there. Um, yeah, so I was actually born in Delaware. Okay, the first state, very small state, second smallest state on the East Coast. And I went to high school, college there. Um, no one really leaves Delaware. It's kind of a, it's kind of a place you just kind of stay complacent. And I got married, I had a child, and when my son was 1, I was working as a registered nurse. I was working night shift, and every single winter I would get the the deep depression blues, the lack of sunshine, lack of vitamin D. It just always seemed to get to me for those, probably say about 5 months every single winter. So this was no different. I'm working night shift. It's about 2 in the morning at this point. And I remember texting my husband at the time and saying, why the eff do we still live in Delaware? And he happened to be awake and he was like, I don't know. And he proceeded to stay awake the entire night. I didn't know this at the time. I was working and he started researching the best places to live and to grow as a family. So I get home around 8 a.m. He's still awake and he's like, hey, I was up all night and I see these are the places that are number one to raise a family. And I'm like kind of dumbfounded because I didn't actually expect anything from me complaining. Go figure. Um, and I had a really codependent relationship with my mom, and we can definitely dive deeper into that in, in the coming, in the coming chats. So number one was San Diego, and I was like, oh wow, I— of course I'm like envisioning this. I'm like living by the beach. That sounds like heaven. So we kind of had talks about it over the next couple of days and we basically made the decision that we were going to move to San Diego and we weren't going to tell anybody for a couple of months. So we actually scheduled ourselves to visit a couple of months down the road, but already knowing that we were going to move there few months after that. So he was a tattoo— he is a tattoo artist. Um, shout out to Steve Wimmer, he's amazing, amazing co-parent. I gotta give it to him. Um, we have a great, great co-parenting relationship. I think that's really important to state here because we do have a child together. And he was booked out for a year at that time. Now, I was working as a nurse and I was also doing his books behind the scenes. So we decided to stop taking any clients from that moment on. Knowing that we were going to move. And anybody that reached out to us at that point, we let them know like, hey, we're actually planning on moving to San Diego. If you want to put down a deposit, we're not sure where he's going to work, we don't know where he's going to be, what exact location, but you can do so. People actually still put down a deposit for, for several months, which is really great. He's an amazing artist if you want to look him up. Um, so we— months went down, the months went by. And we finally decided to kind of share this with our family. Now, again, my mom and I were really codependent. No one leaves the state, no one goes anywhere. So when I brought this up to my family, I was met with a lot of resistance. I was met with a lot of scarcity mindset. Just there wasn't that support system that I really, really desired. But again, I wasn't really expecting it. So we went to visit. I think it was August. We visited in August. This was 7 years ago and absolutely loved it. I mean, I'm looking around and I'm like, this is— I can absolutely see myself living here. So 3 months after that, we put our house on the market. We moved in with my dad and stepmom for 3 months just because our house sold and we had 3 months till we were moving. Those 3 months were one of the coolest 3 months of my life because my dad and I never really had an emotional connection. My mom really did everything for us. That's why we were so codependent. So we had these 3 months to really soak up me not working and me just getting to hang out with my dad for, for a solid time. Interesting to see how similar we were. My stepmom was kind of making fun of us. There was like certain things that we did, like little very nuanced things that we did together, but that was really cool. And then in February, 7 years ago, we decided to take the leap and move to San Diego. So this was probably the biggest decision of my life. One of probably the starting point of my awakening, I will say, was making that decision because I was living very unintentionally. I was living very complacent while I was a registered nurse and had a great job and a great career. That was all I really had. Um, so this was like the start of like, who the fuck are you? Like, who is Jax? And How are we gonna figure this out? So we moved to San Diego and that was really like the first time I got to, okay, who— now everyone back home knew you for this amount of time. Who do you wanna be and how do you get to show up as this new version of yourself? And that was kind of like a whole new world of getting to experience life as who I wanted to, kind of probably like people experience going to college. Getting to, you know, it's their first— their best foot forward, getting to show up in a way that no one really knows you. How can you decide to show up? So that was the kind of first sense of figuring out who I was at that time.

That's deep. Um, and something that really stood out to me is that when you moved out, it was like an awakening almost, because it, it Is it because your identity is tied to that, that, um, that stagnant place?

Absolutely, yeah. I mean, and, and right before I left, I decided to— I was one year postpartum with having my son, and I never worked out before that, just did not work out. And I decided I was going to do a bikini competition, bodybuilding competition.

Okay.

Because I'm all or nothing. You can't just start working out, you have to have this goal in mind. It was just like So crazy. Like, why, why not just start going to the gym 3 days a week? And it's like, no, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go on stage in a thong bikini and, and be a bodybuilder. So I tell my friends this, and they're again met with so much resistance. That's not what you do. That's not who you are. Yeah, we're gonna go on stage in a bikini. I mean, it was just so much resistance, and some of it was definitely flowing through me because I'm like, God, they're so right. Like, I'm really gonna show up with my ass up on stage, like, in a thong? Like, is this really who I am? Like, I have a kid. Like, is this really who I am? And I was like, no, this is so much bigger than just this goal. It's something— it was a goal that was bigger than anything that I've done. The discipline that was going to put into making this goal happen, I know, was bigger than anything I've ever achieved thus far in my life. So that was a big— again, that was a big reason why when I moved out here, it was like, okay, so anybody that I meet from here on out knows that I'm a bodybuilder. It was like a whole new identity for myself. It's like, I'm Jax, I'm a bodybuilder, okay, I have a son, I have— it's like the, the identity got to shatter. That I construct that everyone saw me as got to shift into exactly who I wanted to be at that time when I moved out here, which was just a really great experience for me because Again, that it was really the, the charge to my awakening of not everything is as it seems. I see.

Yeah. During that time, were you still working as a nurse during the bodybuilding?

I decided to quit when we moved out to San Diego. Uh, my husband was doing really well, and I— he said, you know, we didn't know anybody at the time. My son was 1 at the time, so being a stay-at-home mom was our decision for me moving forward. And that just allowed me to, you know, really soak up that time with my son, figure out this town. San Diego's— it's really big. There's a lot of little subsections and towns within San Diego. So we would just explore like he was my little buddy and we just, you know, my, my, my ex-husband would go to work for— he would go at like 9 a.m. till sometimes midnight. It was a long day for me. So we would just kind of explore San Diego, and, and I didn't really have any friends yet, so my little buddy and me just, just went around and, and kind of like just soaked up being this little unit that we had together, me and my son.

Okay, I want to hone in a little bit more on, um, your life as a nurse, uh, because I think that's important. Especially the experience. And, you know, um, I wanted to especially focus on like the struggles that you went through on a daily basis during that phase of your life.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, I haven't talked about this in a while. So when I first became a nurse, I fell in love with psych and specifically working with adolescents. Okay. There's just something about that age, and I wasn't far off in the age to be able to understand them and it just felt like that's where my heartstrings were being pulled. So for the first 3, 3 and a half years of working as a nurse, I worked with 13 to 17-year-olds in a locked psych facility. Now, if you knew me before, I was the most naive, sweet, outgoing, little bubbly girl you could have ever met. So when I went to this job The techs were very big men, um, sometimes big women, and they didn't particularly love my style of energy. So they were basically saying like, you're gonna get chewed up and spit out if you continue to be like this. And I was like, this is what these kids need. Like, I'm going to change their lives. So I would have hour-long conversations with these kids still be able to do my work, fill out paperwork. And then it got to the point where this is called like an, if an incident happens. So if someone like tears across the unit, tears up the unit, tries to fight somebody, tries to have sex with somebody, tries to hang themselves. I mean, I've seen it all. Someone used a turkey baster to pour semen of another child into their cells. I mean, I've seen some crazy ass shit in this job. It got to the point where I felt like my time was being used by kids. They were like, "Oh, we can get an hour out of like Miss Jax's time," and then they would go and tear up the unit. And then I kind of started seeing what the texts were trying to tell me over the years, and I started getting really jaded and really cynical working there. And I always describe this period of my life as my heart turned black. Because I went from really loving and wanting to help these kids to— because of the system that I was working in, I really wasn't able to do much of anything. The pharma that they were putting these kids on after the psychologist talking to them for 5 minutes, now putting a 13-year-old child on 5 different medications who literally is just depressed because their parents work so many hours that they have no time to, to be a family unit. You're going to put them on 5 different medications. Now, again, I wasn't able to articulate this at the time, and in my mind I'm helping them. So my assumption was that the hospital that I was working with was helping them as well. Well, I started to seeing some things and kind of, kind of pulling away and separating and seeing this is the most fucked up place I have ever been in my life. So the last year that I worked there, I got pregnant with my son, and I was sitting on the unit with a kid that got in trouble. All the other kids were off the unit with the techs at lunch, so that was like off the unit. And I get a call, and I get a call from the admissions department, and they said, hey, we're bringing back a new, a new, um, patient. And I said, oh, okay. And they're like, well, she's psychotic. And I said, okay, what's her trigger? There's usually a trigger. Her trigger is white pregnant women. And I said, okay, I am a white pregnant woman. And they said, okay. And I said, well, you know, obviously I'm the nurse on the adolescent unit. I don't have my techs on the unit right now. Can you wait 15 minutes? Lunch was over in 15 minutes. I would have my techs back, be protected. Everything would be good to go. We'll see what we can do. 3, 2 minutes later, 2 minutes, maybe 30 seconds, I don't even know. It was very quick. They didn't— now I end up realizing that when you bring— when they bring them back on the unit before a certain time, they get paid more. Because if for some reason the parents want to pull them out, they like— they want to get them in that emotional time where they don't change their mind. It's like marketing. So they bring back this girl, and I'm like, are you serious? Okay, so I'm like behind the desk like this, so you couldn't really tell. And they come over and they sit her down, and I end up getting— trying to get her admission from her. So I'm asking her questions, I'm taking her intake form, and the phone rings behind me. I'm like, okay. So I go like this, I push back, I get up, I pick up the phone, and as I turn around, she sees me, jumps over the nurse's station, and she starts punching me in the stomach. Like, it happened so fast. It was so fast. I end up like hanging up the phone, picking up the phone, and calling a code green. Code green in the psych hospital means someone's attacking you, someone's getting attacked, something's going wild, a kid needs— like, you need to come. Everybody from different units come, come running in. Everyone's running. They see her, they grab her, and I'm like just trying to like shield my stomach at this point, like, my baby, my baby, no, like being that like lioness mama, and They were like, "Okay, take a walk off the unit. Take a walk." And I'm just like, "Am I— is everything— am I okay? Is everything okay? Like, what just happened?" And gosh, knowing law, like, looking back, I'm like, why didn't I do something about that? I was just like, all I cared about really was my child. I didn't care about anything else. I just cared about the safety of my child. So I went home that day, and my husband said, "Listen, this is like— we're not doing this anymore. Like, you're not working there, or you're gonna work." night shift or where the kids are sleeping. Like, we can't be doing this. And I ended up quitting 2 months before my son was born. And at this point, what you have to realize is the energy in a psych hospital, let alone a locked psych hospital, let alone the hospital that I was working at, was completely sympathetic. From the moment I went into that place to the moment I left, I was in a fight-or-flight state the entire time. They didn't staff correctly. I would have— I was the only nurse for 33 kids at one point. Um, I would have like one tech. So it's like, okay, well, if they're running a group with 15 people and there's 15 kids that aren't doing well, I'm supposed to be doing my work and making sure that no one has sex, no one kills themselves, no one kills anybody else. It was just a chaotic environment for me to raise my child, to, to literally have the environment where my child is growing up. And that was like a lot of inner work that I had to, that I had to do from that period. The guilt I had, the shame I had of the state I perpetually was in over the course of those, of that year of, of my son being basically created was in such a, a hell environment. It was just sympathetic at all times and I have not shared that with him yet about what that could have done. And I don't wanna— my son understands about trauma and he understands about the ego. And we, me and Jeremy, teach him a lot of things. And he's like, well, I don't have any trauma. And I'm like, mm, you have trauma. Everybody has trauma. And he's like, well, what's my trauma? And I'm like, it's subjective. I'm not gonna tell you what your trauma is, but I'll be here when you're ready to move forward in healing your trauma. So that's kind of like the little things that he knows. He's like a little woke kid. 'Cause he'll, we'll, we'll have like disagreements and I'll be like, who's really speaking to me? And he's like, my ego. And I'm like, okay, good. Like, so he's really sweet. But that was like the first 3 years of my nursing career. After I had my son and decided to go back to work, I ended up doing post-surgical. When I tell you this was the easiest job I've ever had in my entire life, I, it was, It was so easy. All I had to do was walk people to the bathroom, give them pain meds, and they said thank you. They said thank you. It was the most peaceful time of my life, and I ended up doing night shift too. So that was where I ended up texting my husband when I was in that period of my life. So I feel like I went— I kind of swung the pendulum a little far when it came to the start of my nursing career to the end of my nursing career, because it really went from just a, just an absolute terrible environment to, okay, this is like, this is so peaceful, this is, this is great. Um, so that was kind of where I was when that decision took place of moving to San Diego.

Wow, that's, that's insane. I mean, nurses are, you know, they're, they're, they go through a lot. Um, what, what age did you have your son?

I'm kidding.

29. Okay, how old is he now?

He's 9.

He's 9. Wow. I don't know if I'm like skipping in your life, but I'm really interested in when you transitioned into mind, body, and soul coaching. How did you get started in that endeavor?

Yeah, that's a great question. So when I moved to San Diego, I mean obviously went through my big awakening, decided my husband and I, you know, no longer aligned in who we were because I was just figuring out who I was at that time. And we had an amicable split, and I basically like went out and was just trying to figure out who I was. So that was about 2 years until I met Jeremy. And when Jeremy came into my life very interesting story. I was awakened to enough where I was very curious, and I was writing poetry and writing words that I really didn't fully grasp, didn't fully understand. And I remember writing something about, like, I could just feel that my person was really close, and I was writing how the man, the one in my life, was something about I'm gonna understand him mind, body, and spirit. And I didn't know what that meant at the time. I had no idea what that meant, but I just knew. I was like, there's something deeper here going on and I don't know what it is. So I was going to the gym. I was still bodybuilding at the time, and I saw Jeremy at the gym. And actually, I walked past him and he smelled really nice. I had smelled— there's a guy that I would talk to about on my stories called Too Much Cologne Guy. And if you follow me on Instagram, you know who I'm talking about. And he would come to the gym and he would put cologne on and it was just like, dude, there's no windows here. Like, what are you doing? And I remember working out next to Too Much Cologne guy and I like threw my weights down. I was so pissed and I walked to the other side of the gym and I walked by Jeremy and I was like, it was like the perfect scent. Now he claims he wasn't wearing any cologne, so I chalk it up to pheromones. And that was the first time I kind of had the awareness of Jeremy in my, in my kind of visual sight. Now, we— I saw— I started seeing him at the gym almost every single day after that. Now, Jeremy is a very quiet, introspective man. He doesn't look at people, he doesn't talk to people, and he keeps to himself. Well, I am very different. I talk to everyone, I'm very friendly. I knew almost everybody at the gym, so I started just being really intrigued by this man that doesn't look at anybody, and I'm just like, who is he? He would do some PRI moves where he's blowing up balloons against the wall, doing some weird-ass shit, and I'm just like, who is this kid? Like, who is he? So one day I was like, you know what, I'm gonna wave to him. Like, I'm, I'm gonna wave to him. I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna say hi. So we're, we ended up like, we're walking past and there's nobody near us, and we're walking past each other, and I literally was like, like geeked out, waved like this. Looks straight past me and I was like, ooh, all right, okay, all right, that, that didn't feel great. So he claims he didn't see me, but I don't know how you, how you miss someone going like this to you. So that night, the day I, the day I waved to him, that night was, I was on the Explore page on Instagram and I saw him. So I'm like, oh my God, it's just the Random Man in Cologne guy. So I click on him. His bio said mind-body-soul coach, and I was like, what the fuck? Again, no idea what that meant. I'm like, what, what is going on? So I instantly followed him, watched a story, DM'd him like that. There was like an impulsion, and I don't go after guys. That wasn't something I've ever done. And remember, I was married for— I was with this guy for 9 years, my husband previously. So this was just like a I don't know, who am I? I, I get to be whoever I want to be. Like, there's something about him that is clearly that I'm being drawn to, that I need to figure this out. So I DM'd him and he DM'd me back, and we kind of messaged back and forth. And he had already knew who I was. He knew my group of friends. He knew that we were bodybuilders. He— I was just like, oh, I didn't know who you were. Like, how— this is weird. And that kind of like started sparking up our relationship, and we ended up talking for like 30 days before we went on our first date. We took it really slow, but it was really deep, really deep. I never had a relationship where it started off in that magnitude and the questions that we were asking each other. And again, I was really curious. I wouldn't say that I was quite yet fully conscious by any means. So he was kind of the first teacher that I had in the sense of going from my awakening of realizing like there's more to life, I know that this isn't the person I'm supposed to be with, I need to be off on my own. Like going from like, that was like my first awakening to a deeper awakening of the discovery of self and the discovery of just the nuances of what makes people in pattern and what makes people in certain dynamics and the relationships that you have and who you keep around and the intention you have, all of these little things was brought to my awareness from the beginning with dating Jeremy. And 6 months into our relationship, I was like, I think you— I think you're supposed to mentor me. And I asked him that, and he was like, I don't know, I don't know if that's a good idea. Like, are you sure? Like, is this— like, are you really sure? He's like, you ready for that? And I was 'Am I ready for that?' I was like, 'We date.' I was like, 'Yeah, I'm ready for that.' And I really didn't quite fully grasp or understand what that meant when he said that. And I was like, 'Yeah, I'm ready for that.' He made me pay him. A lot of my friends were pissed. My friends were pissed. And for the first couple months, I remember telling my friends, 'I'm gonna break up with him after I finish this. I can't believe he made me pay for this.' I was so angry. And to this day, I thank him so deeply for having me pay him. And people sometimes don't really get why I, I say this and why I mean this. There was a part of me that was extremely entitled, and I know that if I didn't pay for what his services were, that I would have never gone all in. The reason I went all in is because I was entitled. Because I paid him and I was like, I'm gonna get everything out of this kid, I'm gonna milk him dry and then I'm gonna quit, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna leave him. Like, I was so angry of the charge, but the charge is what allowed me to grow. And that's why investing in yourself is one of the most important things that you can do. And feeling that you're entitled to not pay for the investment that you're making will keep you complacent in the same situation that you are. And why you're feeling the way that you are. And I'm literally sharing this because there's nothing I have for you to invest in. I'm literally sharing this just as a human on a soul level. The greatest gifts I received in my life was because I invested in myself, because I cared about myself, and because I believed in myself. Not to say that there wasn't doubts, not to say that there wasn't fear, but because I believed in myself so damn deeply to want a better life and a better future for myself, that the investment was so fucking worth it. Just a little tangent there. So those months of him mentoring me were absolute chaos, hell, and amazing. It was all of the emotions in one because he was my coach and he was my boyfriend. So there was a lot of, uh, interesting things that were happening. He broke up with me one time right before a call that we had. Still showed up for the call, did the call, and I'm literally like, you just broke up with me, but we're having a call as a coach-client relationship. And I get off the call and I put my phone down and I remember I hung out with my son for like an hour or two and I came back to my phone and he had like messaged me and like we ended up working it out after that. There was just a lot of— both of our traumas were very heightened by the mirror of our relationship, how different we were, how different we grew up. Even though we have so many similarities in the way in which we grew up, the way it manifested out was completely different, completely different. Jeremy kind of pushed relationships away, and I wanted relationships. So I had like the codependence, he was more of the avoidant. So you put those two people together and it's like you're fucking just— it's— it was so challenging for us, especially in the beginning. And I think that what I really want to touch on today about conscious relationships is the amount of work that is necessary to put into them is, is so— I can't even like describe that to you, the amount of work that we've put in. And I see friends of mine and I see people and they assume that the person that they're gonna date is going to have XYZ and they're gonna be this, this, this, and they're gonna have this, this, this. There's gonna be no red flag because they're conscious and they're going to be in this. And it's like, that is a fucking bull-faced lie. It's not gonna happen. You have to have the mirrors, you have to have the blind spots, you have to have the red flags to realize that you have them within you too. Like, you have to have that. And I think because we were so different, we really had to work so hard to, to find that commonality to work towards our relationship together. And that took years. Years. That was not year 1. That was not year 2. That was not year 3. It started year 4, beginning of year 4, and we're just closing down year 5.

I'm at a loss for words. That was such a beautiful tangent. I feel like I took a lot out of that. And you know, you guys are— do you believe in like twin flame relationships? Would you guys say that you're twin flames?

Soulmates, twin flames, whatever you want to call it. I mean, okay, he's had messages from God that I was the one in the beginning. He was like kind of pushing that away and it was like, but it's God telling me. And I was— I— not to say I would never date someone like Jeremy, but where I was before, I'd never have dated anyone like Jeremy. So something that I shared with him the other day, I was like, I was thinking about this. I knew when you came into my awareness that I had— that we were supposed to date, that we were supposed to be together. And it scared me and I wanted to run. And I'm not a runner. I'm anything but a runner. But the growth that I knew that was going to take place, and what comes with growth is a fuckload of challenges, the fuckload of them. You don't just wake up and you're like, I'm expansive, I'm my highest self, I grew. It's like, no, there's so much fucking nitty-gritty nuance healing that you need to do that needs to take place to get to that space. So I knew it was like on a soul level, I was like, fuck, my soul knew his soul. And I was like, This is going to be fucking a ride. This is going to be a fucking scary ass ride. But I knew it was going to change my life in the deepest capacity. And that's exactly what it's done for myself. And I know that he would say the same thing about me too.

I have the similar dynamic with my partner where I'm like mentoring her or like coaching her. And then also like I'm her partner. Yeah, and that, that does come with like its challenges because it's like sometimes she just needs a partner to listen to her, not to mentor her. And it's like I have to dial back and I'm just like, I'm freaking stoked. Like I'm learning shit that's gonna help us be successful and wealthy. I'm like, I gotta share it with somebody.

Absolutely.

Yeah. And so I'm trying to find like this balance of like, okay, when, when should I be a partner? Like, or when should I like mentor you or give you advice, you know what I mean? Or should I just be someone that just listens rather than like has always needs to have something to say? And that's kind of like this thing that I'm trying to find out. What would be like your advice for, you know, that dynamic and just how to make it so that there's not like as much grind in the gears, if that makes sense?

For sure. If I can help people not experience what we experienced— not that it can't work, obviously. And something, probably the greatest thing that I learned was your partner cannot wear every hat for you. And at one point in our relationship, Jeremy was holding a lot of the hats because I was cutting off all of my friends that weren't serving me anymore. And that's such a hard time to go through in the awakening process. I think that's— oh, it's, it's, it's gut-wrenching to not bring the people that you love with you. And you can try, and I've tried, and I had, I had one friend come with me. She was actually my best friend. She awoke at the same time, which was amazing to, to get to experience that. So everybody else had to go. Everybody. A lot of my family, they just weren't fully getting the person that I was stepping into. And they want to see you as that little girl. They want to see you as that little boy. They want to see you as that person that they can kind of conform because they're, they're controlled, they're, they're complacent. So seeing you grow is really scary to them. So my advice for you and your partner is to make sure that you have other containers that can hold you in these growth opportunities. I have a coach myself. I have several very divine friendships that hold me in the most beautiful, loving container. And Jeremy doesn't have to be all of it. Now, Jeremy knows everything about me, everything. And what I'm currently working on is expressing my needs in the most fullest expression without projecting. And I usually am someone that leaves, so I get in my mind and I go and then I build resentment and I'm not doing that anymore. I choose to, as uncomfortable as it is, is expressing myself exactly as is from a place of love, knowing that my needs matter just as much as his needs matter, just as much as my friend's needs matter. Everybody has needs and they are so important to express. Most people don't know their needs. That's the problem. They choose an emotion. They choose anger, resentment, whatever it is, or, or they want to connect with you. So there's that codependence of like, I need to be with them. And it's like, but what is your actual need? Is it connection? Okay, express that. Express that. Is it physical touch? Is it you need a friend right now? Is it you just need someone to hear and listen to you? It's like having other containers outside of the relationship that are safe, that can hold you, that allows you to grow and stretch and expand other than your partner has been such a game changer for us. Such a game changer for us. And it also offers you that, that other perspective of like when you're— when you and your partner are, you know, there's a dynamic about the relationship and there's patterns that you fall into that you necessarily can't see. And then it just becomes everyday life, right? When you have other conscious friendships or, or coaches, you are able to have a different perspective mirrored back to you that you might not be able to see from your day-to-day dynamic. Does that make sense? So it's offering you additional growth opportunities that you can't get with just your partner holding and wearing every single hat in the relationship.

You touched on projecting. For those that are listening or tuning into this, um, can you explain like what you mean by projecting?

Yeah, so projecting is when you aren't fully aware of what your need is, so you are expressing an emotion that's usually unhealthy to somebody else, and then they're more confused than ever because they don't actually know what you want. So it's hard to kind of give it a definition, but I guess that would be like my, my best definition of it is just, you know, not being so in tune with yourself and kind of pushing your energy outwards instead of actually going inward and deciding if— what did that trigger say to you, or what did it mean to you, and what do you— how can you express this in a healthy way? And Jeremy and I especially lately, I feel like we're so good about like in real time working on things. Like, we don't— we used to have arguments and they would be like going to bed angry at each other. And well, he could, he can compartmentalize, and I'm like fucking seething like this motherfucker, and I'm just pissed. I was like, oh my God, I'll start like poking at him and he's like, just go to bed, I need, I need space. I'm like, I don't, I need to, we need to talk about this. And now it's It doesn't even get to that point. It's like within 5 minutes of an argument, disagreement— I won't even call it arguments anymore. We have just such a mature relationship where we can get down to like the root cause and it's like, what's really needing to be expressed here? What's the need that needs to be met that you're not getting? It's usually like, that's what it is. We all have needs. There's nothing wrong with having these. And sometimes your partner's not going to meet your needs and that's okay. And if they say no, That's okay. Can you, can you get curious in that? Can you hold that? Can you also see that a no can be the start of a conversation and not an end to the conversation? And that's like kind of where we are now is just, just we just give. It's just pure love in our relationship. But we, last week we had it, I forget, we, we had something happen and he was like, oh my gosh, we are just so mature. In how we communicate now. And I was like, we really are. It's like something that would have kind of, you know, blew up our relationship a year or two prior or, or lasted a lot longer, we can kind of come to a common agreement within a few minutes now because we've learned to, you know, honor ourselves and really understand like what we're expressing and how that can come out for, for the other person. It's like you want something, right? Like a lot of my issues were I felt a separation from us. So what I end up doing is I would get resentful and push him away. But what is that doing? That's creating more separation. What do I want? I want connection. So now it's like I can honor that and say, I feel a separation between us, I actually want connection. And he's like, great babe, thanks for expressing yourself, give me a hug, like let's go in, like let's have a day to ourselves, let's have a date, let's do this. It's That's, to me, the healthiest form of a conscious relationship is knowing who you are, knowing your needs, knowing how to express that in a healthy manner, in a healthy capacity, and learning how to listen to your partner. Because sometimes they might not be where you are in the sense of full expression. It happens with me, it happens with Jeremy. But because you know each other so well, You can assist them in, you know, don't, don't allow— if they're triggered, don't allow it to take over. Sit firm in where you are. Hear them, reflect back. How can you help them through that without losing your shit? It's like, that's love to me. That's love. Doesn't mean you have to fix them. You're not fixing them. You're just mirroring to them what's going on. Can you offer them a safe space for them to really find out what they're feeling. What's the root cause? How can we get this out of you so you can express really what you really feel? Not the emotion that's, that's tied to it, but really how you feel.

Yeah, that's, that's key right there when you said, uh, try not to fix them. And as a, as a man, it's, it's hard for me to get away from that because I, I am just like, I need to fix this, or like um, I have the tendency to want to fix things or to want to make things work. I don't like it when things are not working. I guess that's just like my logical, logical side. And, um, when you're dealing with the feminine, it's like they don't want to be fixed, they just want to be loved and heard.

And so it's like so simple, it's so simple. And it took Jeremy a long time to stop trying to change me, stop trying to fix me, and then our love grew exponentially when we both just like loved each other for who we are. It's like, oh, you have gifts that make me uncomfortable because I don't have those gifts. Like, it was— that's what it was. It was like so interesting. And something that we do now, probably like 3 to 5+ times a day, we will pass each other during the day because we both work from home, and we will have this like soul knowing that we're just so grateful for each other and so grateful for this life. And we'll just look at each other and one of us will go go, "Love you, babe." And then the other one will go, "Love you too, babe." And it's like, how great is our life? Like, that's something that we've been doing, like, gosh, the past couple months. It's like, it's so amazing to be at this state of, like, understanding another person and really allowing them to understand you. It's like, this was the relationship I always wanted. And if I would have quit or thought that this wasn't it because I wasn't getting it right away, I would have quit. I would have quit years ago. And A lot of my friends wanted me to quit in the beginning, and I see how many of my friends have had partners and now they don't have partners anymore. And Jeremy and I have like withstand that because we both decided to make that commitment to, to really deeper healing. And that requires like staying in it, staying in it no matter what. And I think that's been just such a beautiful thing for us because we both kind of saw this or desired this type of relationship in the past, and we're finally here now. And it takes fucking work, it takes time. It's, it's, it's not something that's going to happen overnight, and you can't expect someone to shift overnight. And it's like, but I've been telling them this and I've been expressing this to them. It, it doesn't mean that they're gonna just figure it out. It takes time. It takes— it does take time, and it It's repetition sometimes, a lot of repetition until it's understood between both parties.

My partner and I recently had this thing where, you know, from our relationship, there was just a lot going on. She's, you know, she just graduated from college and, you know, I'm like building this business and building my personal brand. And there was a point where in our relationship there just wasn't enough time to come together and to heal it, to have that sacred space. And, you know, another aspect of what kind of led to us separating for a time was outside influences trying to come into the relationship and dictate, oh, you shouldn't be with that person, like, look how they are, like, look how he is, or look how she is. And it's like, huh, how do you how do you, um, figure out that, um, what they're saying isn't— it doesn't matter? Or like, how do you know that the relationship that you're in is, is aligned, or is the relationship that you should stay in?

Yeah, that's a great question. Yeah, um, yeah, go ahead.

I'm curious because, um, you know, you had a previous, uh, marriage and you guys found out that you guys were no longer not, you know, moving in resonance with each other. And then you go into the relationship with Jeremy, and then you realize like this is what you want, even though there's all these challenges. So how do you like— how do you figure that out? How do you just find that? Yeah.

Oh yeah. And interesting enough, Jeremy and I hung out one day of the week for a whole year, just so you know. He was focused on building his business, and I just was really respectful of that. And while I wanted more time, I— it was, it was so— it allowed me to grow so much in that state because I always hung out with my partners before every single night or multiple times a week. So it was a lot of healing my codependency by just respecting his desires to build his business. He was in a phase of eat shit. He was living with his mom when I met him, and I just respected that and I honored him and allowed him to see me that once a week. And my friends, you know, something also you have to understand is what are you expressing to your friends to have them reflect back? So I was only reflecting the bad to my friends in the beginning. So of course they're my friends, they love me, they want to make sure that I'm okay. So they would often reflect back, what are you doing? Why are you like, you want more out of this guy? He's not giving you enough, this, that, and the other. And it's like instead of expressing like, Holy shit, the conversations we're having between us, seeing each other, the soul connection, the depth that we're going in these conversations are nothing like I've ever experienced. I wasn't sharing those times. When you're, when you're not fully, again, aware of your needs or conscious about everything that's going on in your world, you tend to complain about things instead of just asking for what you want. And that's a big thing I'm learning right now. Even as simple as the air is on, right? And I'm like, I'm so cold. Instead of being like, babe, I'm going to turn the air off, or can you turn the air off? What a difference. Like, people can't read your mind. And all we do is like, I think as the feminine, we complain a lot to be like, you better fucking read my mind. You better become a fucking mind reader in this moment or shit's going down. And it's like, how great is it to just express what you need, and then being like, oh, now I know what you need. Great. So I say all that to say discernment, discernment. And nobody knows more or deeper than your soul, right? So when people have outside influences and they're sharing that with you, one, check in with yourself. What are you sharing with them? If you're only sharing the bad, you cannot hold that against them. They're literally your friend. I would hope that they would express those things to you. Maybe you need to to open up and understand that you need to express more positive things. And the negative things, maybe instead of expressing negative things, those are the things that you have to find out within yourself, the needs that aren't being met, because why are you complaining about them? And go to your partner. It's really simple. So it's, it's a, it's tough to, tough to get to, I will say that. But once you get that, there's nothing to complain outside of your relationship to. You are the king, your girl is queen. You should not be talking negatively about each other ever, ever. That is a, that is a respect and, uh, something that Jeremy and I have built on our foundation since the beginning. Obviously I was, wasn't there yet, but we have a mutual respect and such integrity with ourselves and our relationship that we don't speak negatively about each other to anyone. If we have any issues, we come straight to each other. If you have something to complain about, you have a need that's not being met, you need to express that to your partner. So you really need to use discernment and decide, like, nobody has the choice or the decision or the know about or the knowing except you. So any outside influence, you have to check in with yourself, like, why are they coming at me like this? What have I expressed to them? What have I mirrored to them to get them to say these things to me? Okay, now I get to shine a spotlight on how I've been showing up as a, as a person, as a, as a person in my relationship, or your girlfriend as a, as the queen in the relationship. How can I show up to really put this relationship as the, like, cohesive— it's, it's the dynamic that you've wanted, right? It's that unconditional love between a king and a queen that trumps everyone, every other relationship. So how can that be expressed to others? And again, that's just a mirror thing. So what, what are you— what is being said by you that maybe you're not— and I'm not saying you, I'm saying I'm just speaking in, in general. That is having somebody reflect back to you that you should leave that partnership.

And, and you know what's crazy is I don't think, you know, my partner and I talk bad about each other. Like, we're, we're pretty good. We, we, whenever we have a problem, we go straight to each other. Um, and I totally agree that if you have something to complain about your partner, you should never do that to somebody else. You should never like go to somebody else for that because that energy bleeds into the relationship. Absolutely. The main thing that we struggle with is like parents, especially her parents, and like how they see me and how they influence her to, you know, like feel about me. And it's like I have to hold my ground and stay my ground because they every time like I would go over there, they would try to impose their will and try to shape me to be this like ideal boyfriend for her. And I'm just like, well, like, I'm just doing what God put me down here for. And it's like, they don't know that.

They don't know that.

And so, um, yeah, an aspect of, uh, that really just has to do with like knowing who you are.

Integrity. Integrity. And also your intentions, right? No one can tell you your intentions. So whether they project project onto you or to your girlfriend about who you are as a person. When you're solid in your intentions and you lead from that space, I always say intention, love, and compassion. If you have those three things and you're leading with those three things, let them speak, let them say whatever. It's gonna fall right off. It's gonna fall right off. It's like you have like a protection around you, and God put you here. And it's like, if your girlfriend, you know, if she sees you for you and she sees that you are leading with that intention and leading with that love and leading with that compassion, that's, that's all you need. That's all that matters. And, and they'll come around. And if they don't, do you need them to?

You know, you know, what advice would you give to couples for building together?

One, find out your core values. Find out your core values. Find out your partner's core values. Jeremy and I sat down with the whiteboard one of our first dates, and he goes, what's your core values? And I was like, what's a core value? I was literally like, what's the core value? I was like, are you serious? He was dead ass serious. And I love that he did that because we live from our core values, and if one of us doesn't, the other one will call each other out. And we don't have to do that anymore. Like in the beginning when I was like, oh, these are my core values. If I wasn't leading from them or living from them, he would express that and show me. And like they were written down. We had them written down in our house together. Like this was our core values that like we don't shy away from. So I think finding out your core values is really important and understanding that someone is not going to meet all of your needs. They're just not, especially if you don't express them, especially if you don't know them. And, and understanding that it's, it's always— it's work, but it doesn't have to feel— it shouldn't be— I shouldn't say it shouldn't be challenging, it shouldn't be hard, because there are going to be seasons where it is going to be challenging and it's going to be, and it's going to be hard. It's more about, can you both choose to grow separately and choose to grow within the relationship? Like, no matter what, like, that's, that's a choice that you both have to make. And me and Jeremy, like, have made that. Even when we were, when we were going through those, like, nitty-gritty tough times, we both at one point were like, okay, like, are we really— are we doing this? Are we not doing this? Like, we had to get to that point because we were like, this shit is crazy. Like, are we— like, we were just, like, butting heads at one point, and we both made that choice. And then it was like a light switch. Like, it just changed. It doesn't have to hold so much weight. It doesn't have to take up so much bandwidth. It's really like a choice. So I think making a choice of like, are you in, are you out? If you're in, you're 100% in. You're not 98, you're 100% in. And if you have both parties 100% in, you can get through anything together. Patience, love, supporting each other, having other containers, of course, to reflect back things to you. I think that's really important. And I think that's the advice I would give to couples that are learning to love in a healthy, conscious relationship.

That's beautiful advice. I love that. And one of the, one of the things that, you know, stands out between, you know, you and Jeremy is that I personally admire how you guys both nurtured like this healthy masculine and feminine dynamic. And, you know, you guys built a whole empire out of it. I want to pretty much for like my own like Just a personal intrigue. I want to know exactly how you were able to step into just like your full femininity and supporting Jeremy and his, and his personal brand. Like, what allowed you to be so sure that this is what I must do? Like, just abandon your businesses and go all in with your partner?

Yeah, that's a good question. So This was pretty recent, and it was just not something that I saw coming, to be honest with you. Um, Jeremy and I decided to go back to church, uh, one day, and the sermon was a pastor who was an incredible speaker, incredible storyteller, and he basically expressed that the woman should be submissive to the man, not as in submissive dominant, but Submission under the same mission as the man. And, you know, I'm taking it in, and he says something like, if there's— if you have a problem with the— with the— with the wife, it's the husbandry. It's like the husband's problem. So I'm like, you know, give him a little elbows of Jeremy during— I'm like, what are you saying over here? And he's— Jeremy's just like, what are you doing? So I'm getting like a whole different sermon coming at me, just like, this is great. And we end up getting home and he's like, hey babe, I really want to sit with you and talk to you about the sermon we heard. And I'm like, yeah, do you have any issues with me? They're actually on you. Like, what do you— what is— what do you want to share? And he goes, well, he goes, I want to share how he said that the woman should be submissive of the man. And I was like, okay. And he said, you know, I realized most of our relationship I've been treating you like a man. And I'm like How so? He's like, well, I wanted you to be this entrepreneur and I wanted you to be, you know, make as much money as me and literally like model after him. Because I've had coaches and business coaches and he's like, why are you following what everybody else is doing? He was like, you see what works, just do what I do. But we're very different people, right? Very different people. So he's like, I've been pushing you to be this, this mini me essentially. And he's like, I realized, he was like, I don't need you to. He was like, I got this brand. He was like, it makes no, no sense for you to build. And at this point, like, we started, we're building, like, I was at a stage where I had 27 girls in my mastermind. I had a bunch of one-on-ones. So like, we're, we're building like this at this point. And he is like, I really want you to work for me. And I was like, oh my gosh. Like, I, I've been waiting our whole relationship for this. And he, and I'm like, well, what, what does that look like? And he's like, I'm not really sure what that looks like, but like, you know, we can talk about it. And I was like, okay. So we had about 6 conversations after that before we came to the agreement, because I was like, shit, I'm really growing in my business. Like, is this a test and I'm about to fail it? Like, if I— if I forego my businesses? And I was like, oh my gosh. Like, I was really battling. My ego was really just not— it just wasn't sure. And then I decided— he was like, I thought this was what you wanted. Like, I'm so confused. Like, this doesn't make sense. I was like, I don't know. Like, I feel like it was, but like, like a month would have been fine. Like, why now? It just felt like this timing was interesting. And then I finally made the decision to do so, and it was like I didn't realize that our polarity was so off before that. We were both in our masculine. So I would have calls all day and come home, or come downstairs— we both worked at home— and he'd be like, what are we having for dinner? And I'm like, I don't know, what are you making us for dinner? Like, I was just like I was like, I got more calls to do. Like, can you order something? Like, I was just like, I'm trying to make as much money as Jeremy at this point. Like, I am just head down grinding to make as much money as he is. That's— that was my only, like, thought process at the time. So after that, we— it, like, all these things happened at once. Like, that was the week before, and then I got my implants taken out the week after. Whole life changed after that. I felt like I I met my inner child, came back like my inner child essence came back. It was like a whole new like world. And then we moved, we found our dream home, we moved into our dream home and I didn't work for 2 months. So going from so hyper-masculine to literally, he was like, all you have to do is, he was like, cook, cook lunch and dinner for, for us. And I was like, okay. And it was the most amazing time of my life. Uh, definitely was like, I wasn't even craving purpose. I was a little nervous that I was going to be like missing that passion of— but it was like a relief. It was like my biological nature was like being like nurtured at the time, like being able to like be that loving wife and the, and the mother and, and make these amazing meals for my, for my family with love. And our polarity was just like on another level. Like, it just— it cured and healed so many issues that we had left of our relationship. And then we decided to incorporate me into the business after that. And it's such a beautiful space of what we decided because it's, it's really like a balance. I get to, I get to remain in my feminine the time I, I work. I stop at a certain time. I'm able to create these meals at the end of the night. So I still do this like feminine you know, I'm still in this feminine space that's really, really healthy. And it's, it's something that I've always desired, but again, I didn't know it. And it's hard to express yourself if you don't know it. So I was just like in this like, like, let's fucking go, like, like, we need to make money, and like, we need to go. And it's like when that was taken from me, I was able to see like a whole other side that was, that was kind of just like just angry at. I was angry at the feminine because I thought femininity meant chaos, and I thought femininity meant poor. I thought femininity was the problem that I was trying to push away. And it really was like so healing to incorporate that back into, into my life and back into our relationship. It just was such a game changer for us.

What are some things that men can do to like help allow a woman to be in that feminine support role?

Not fixing and just listening. I think that's a really, really big one because I think a lot of women— and I can't, obviously I can't speak for everyone, I'm just speaking for myself here— I love— for me, I'm not someone that can go journal and write things out and process in a journal. That's not how I work. I process with having a conversation with someone. Doesn't mean that I'm asking you to fix me, save me, cure me. All I'm wanting is like have that, that safe space to really communicate with. So that's something that I think the healthy masculine role can do for a woman. I think also encouraging a balance in the polarities. And I know, I think a lot of people don't really understand what that looks like, and I think you really have to like zoom out, like and look at your life and just like look at it. It's like if you work 8 hours, 10 hours, 12 hours a day as a woman and you're like in it, that is pretty masculine for the most part. Unless you're doing like a— like unless you're a nanny or you're a chef or something like that. Like for the most part, work— working is very masculine. Not to say there's anything wrong with it, there's nothing wrong with working. After work, how can you drop into your feminine? How can the man assist you in dropping in the feminine. For me, it was incorporating putting on music and cooking. It's like, basically, how can you get into your body and out of your head? So as the man, how can you assist in with your woman? Put on music, you're in the kitchen, dance with her, dance with her, grab her, literally look her in the eyes, bring her back into her body, eye gaze with her. Oh my God, Jeremy and I, that was one of the first things we had a sex therapist we started with over a year ago, and she was like, all right, you guys are gonna eye gaze for 3 minutes. And I was like, yes, we're gonna have intimacy, I love this. Jeremy was like great at it, and I'm just laughing. And he was like, I thought you were gonna be way better at this. And I was like, this is uncomfortable as shit, this is so hard because I'm so used to living in my head. So we, we made like a— we had like this little practice of every morning we would sit with each other and we would eye gaze. And we would set a timer and we would just like sit with each other and it got easier and easier. And it's— you can tell if you're in your head because as soon as the thoughts start going, you're like, mm, I'm not here, I'm not here, I left. It's like, how can you support each other in coming back down and ground yourself into your body? So as the man, how can you help your woman come back to herself, like come back to her heart and come back to her body? And like, how can you support her through that.

Wow, I'd never even— I would have never even known, like, that whole eye gazing thing. That, that's so true though, because like, if you can't maintain eye contact, I mean, it means like your head is somewhere else.

You're gone.

Yeah. How long, um, what, what made you guys want to go into like, uh, sex therapy?

Yeah, so that was like last summer. Um, we were at a point in our relationship where we were just like button heads, okay, complaining a lot to each other, so not expressing our needs. And I got to the point I hired, um, an intimacy coach, and I hired, um, I had two intimacy coaches for myself because I wanted to do a lot of deep healing. I've had some sexual trauma, and I just really wanted to do that for myself. And I knew that I wasn't living in the feminine a lot, like I could tell. So I knew that that was like my next level. So I said with him, I was like, I feel like this is like our next step. And I basically— it was kind of like an ultimatum for our relationship. Like, we either go to her or like, this isn't gonna work. Because we were just like at this point where it just felt like we had done everything else and nothing was working. So we made that decision to go. And while I call her a sex therapist, she's really— we've rarely talked about sex. It was really like intimacy. It was really just a relationship therapist. And shout out to Dr. Sayaka. We have tons of people in the LEC that go to her, tons of people, a ton of our friends go to her. She has— she's literally the most amazing therapist in the entire world. She is on such a high level of consciousness. She is the most compassionate, supportive human I've ever met in my life. We call her our earth angel. Amazing. We saw her weekly for like 6, 7, 8 months, I think, weekly. And we loved it. And I know that that was very, at first, uncomfortable for Jeremy because he wasn't used to really having support from the outside or expressing himself in that manner. But we were really able to, again, figure out our needs, like expressing them out loud with her, and it changed our relationship. It was the most— one of the most powerful and potent things that we did in our relationship, having her support us. And again, it was that container of— she didn't do anything but support us. But without that container, we weren't able to support what we had in the relationship. And there was so much more that we could give each other. That's so— that's why the— it's so important to have, again, not outside help, but outside containers that can really support you. Because people get stuck in these, in these dynamics, and they get stuck, and they think that that's it. And it's like, this is just how we are. And it's like, that is never true. That statement like doesn't exist. We're just complacent is what you just said. It's like, no, like you, you, your partner, both of you can, can heal and do the work to grow. And we were just like, we were just like closed flowers at that point. And she really helped us like open up and express ourselves. And it was the most amazing thing. And she finally graduated us because the last couple of times we went to her, we were just bragging about our relationship and she's like, Hey, do you guys have anything, anything you're working on? And we were like, I don't think so. And she's like, okay, I'm going to graduate you guys. If you need me, you can call me, text me, let me know if you want to come back in. And she's incredible. And I'm so, so lucky to have someone I could reach out to if we needed to schedule like a session, like a tune-up or anything like that. So yeah, that was another like focus time on our relationship that we chose to do weekly. And I think that was Jeremy's first time of realizing that that bucket was really important to him. His buckets of business, his buckets with the community, um, with success, those were overflowing to him. And those, in his mind, he always said like, those are the most important buckets to me. And as his partner, I fucking hated that. And I was like, can't they all be equal? Like, why is those buckets have to trump like another bucket? And then that going to that going to therapy at that time was really his first time of pouring into our relationship bucket. And he's the first to say, he's like, that's just as important. And as you do one thing, you do everything. Yeah. One of your buckets isn't being poured into, that's affecting other buckets. And his, like, I mean, his business has always been thriving, but it really allowed his business to thrive even more because that focus was kind of dispersed in, in all the areas, in all the buckets, and it really was just so beneficial for us.

Wow. I want to, um, I want to transition a little bit, if that makes sense.

Yeah.

For all the, for all the ladies out there, I want to kind of, um, shine some light on the whole situation where you had your implants removed.

Yeah.

Um, what made you want to get those implants, and what made you want to like let go of them, like they no longer served you?

Yeah, interesting enough, it was after my awakening that I got them, which something I like look back on and it's like I wasn't fully integrated. Um, when I decided to get them, I was dating Jeremy, was in the beginning of our relationship, and he tried to talk me out of it kind of briefly, and I was like, you don't understand, I'm a mom, I had a baby, like, I've wanted this since I was 14. And then I justified and made that decision. I'm a bodybuilder, I have muscle, I want to have that feminine look. So I made the decision and I didn't do any research. I am, uh, I used to be really naive and really trusting of things, um, and now I absolutely believe in doing your research and doing your homework on things, especially when you're inserting a foreign body in your, in your physical body. And over the— as soon as I got them, I hated them. They were way too big for my body. I have a really small frame, and I looked in the mirror and I was just like, oh, but there's— you can't— it's not like you can go return it down at the store. Like, you, you're fucked. Like, that I felt literally just I was stuck with these like enormous implants that it just wasn't— and I kind of just, I would hide them. I never really showed them off. I rarely, rarely wore low-cut things. I just kind of kept them hidden. And over the course of— I only had them for less than 4 years, and in year 3, I started noticing that I was getting sick a lot. I was getting fevers, like flu-like symptoms. And when I tell you Jeremy and I biohack. We do all of the things, and I know Jeremy's gonna do a series on it, and we're gonna do a podcast explaining some of the things, our day-to-day. So I'm not going to go into that too much to save that for you guys, but we do all of the things. So for me to still get sick doing all of the things was like, I was like, this doesn't make sense. Like, this isn't— this— something's off here. And somehow I came up into the discovery of BII, which is breast implant illness. And I read about it and I was like, I don't know. But also, what else could it be? Like, our nutrition's on point, our supplements are on point. I work out, I meditate. I literally— I was doing everything, all the things. I get plenty of sunshine. Like, my relationships are healthy. Like, I'm rarely in, in fight or flight. What, what could it be? So I had like this inner knowing of like, this is it. Like, I knew it. I, I connected with it and I was like, I knew it. I did some research on the doctors, found the doctors that fully removed the implant, and they removed the capsule. And if you're listening to this and you want your implants out, you have to remove the capsule because the capsule is a foreign body. And if you leave it in your body, your body will attack it. It silicone that, that spreads into there and it's just, it's basically removing the trash and not taking out the trash bag. You have to remove that capsule. So there was only 2 people in California. I called the one guy. I found a bunch of different testimonies, um, reached out to a bunch of different girls that I saw that had him and raving reviews about him. And I ended up putting, I ended up paying for a deposit without making an appointment with him. I was just like, what's your soonest? Like, put me in for the surgery and I'll come in before then for my consult. Like, I just was like, I knew what I knew and I had to get them out. Like, once I knew, I just— so I never went to any doctor. Once I left nursing, like, Western medicine, kind of like I take care of myself. So no doctor is going to tell me something that I don't already know about myself. That's for another day. But there was like, people were like, well, what did doctor say? What bloodwork did you do? What did it— and it's like, it would have came up clean. I know it. I know it would have. I take such good care of myself. So there was— what doctor could I have went to? Like, there wasn't a doctor that, like, frequent fevers— where was I gonna go for this? Like, where was I gonna go? So I went in for my consult. Jeremy came with me. The doctor spent 2 hours with us, and we were both blown away at his, like, expertise, how often he sat with us. And he was like, I was like, you sound like you have BII. And he acknowledged it. And I was like, oh my gosh, like the doctor is acknowledging that this is a thing. This is a plastic surgeon. He removed over 800 implants last year and only placed 4. And he goes in, everyone that wants implants, he goes in for 2 hours to explain why they shouldn't get implants. But if they still want implants, he will, he, it's, he's a plastic surgeon. He'll put 'em in. So I scheduled my— I paid that day. I put everything down there. It was twice as much to get them out than to get them in. So if anybody's thinking about getting them in, think twice. Any time you're putting a foreign body in your, in your body, you have to understand eventually it's going to fight it. So mine didn't last very long. It started fighting it early. And at that point, up until my surgery, I was getting sick every 2 to 3 weeks like clockwork. Fevers, flu-like symptoms. And when I was getting sick, like, I was on the couch watching TV for like 4 to 7 days, like deathly sick. Like, I wasn't just like a— yeah, it was just— I'm unvaxxed, by the way, just want to mention that. So I'm just like, what is going on? Since getting them out, not sick once, not one time. Nothing. I feel like my body is like in love with, with my me for making this choice. I feel so alive. I feel like the supplements I'm taking are actually working and not— I'm not like fighting against something all the time. It was the best decision I've ever made for myself. And if I could go back, I would have never done that surgery. And I wish I could go back and just like hug me like 4 years ago and just be like, you don't need this. Like, you have a partner that loves you for you. Like, he didn't care. Like, what was— it was like that last remnants of like, I'm not ready to give up my identity yet. Like, I'm not ready. Like, I want to bring this identity with me. So it was a big, big lesson, an expensive lesson. And, um, and I'm really happy that I did it because the doctor, he he did a, um, after he removed them, he examined the implants and there was like a crack. And he said, he was like, this was about to like bust. He was like, you caught it like right in time. It was almost like my body was like telling me what was going on before it actually happened, even though I was experiencing symptoms. Like, and if it would have busted open, like that would have seeped all throughout my body, silicone, which absolutely terrible for you.

So, wow, Jax, you went through, you went through some shit. You went through some shit. And I really, I really appreciate you sharing that because I feel like there are a lot of women out there that have just like this distorted idea of how they should look, how they should feel. We won't go too much into the programming in the world because I feel like we touched on that a lot already, but yeah, I just, I just feel like for women, it's, it's, it's very— you guys get things marketed to you all the time. Like, you guys are very targeted in regards to the image that you guys should have.

Yeah.

And So when you said that, that was kind of like that final thing of like your inner child, like letting go of that identity. How do you think you got that identity, or where did that strength— where did that stem from?

The identity of wanting the implants? Yeah, I mean, so the beauty industry is a $500 billion a year industry, and women are up against like marketing geniuses. To essentially tell them that they're less than and that they need something to feel better about themselves. And I think when I moved to California, that was definitely, you know, very in my face too. Now we don't live in LA, thank God, um, but still everyone's beautiful and everyone looks good. And it's like, so I started, you know, I started with the body and I got the body with the bodybuilding and started there. And then it's— this is like a really common theme that I noticed with, uh, people that are spiritually awake. A lot of them start with the physical, and then they get the body of their dreams, and they kind of look in the mirror and they realize like they don't feel any different. And that's kind of what I experienced. I was just like, I didn't care that I had this, this body that I had gained. It was like there was something missing. It was like the soul it was something in the soul that was missing. And then I went to the mindset, so then I went to the mind, right? And then so it was like body, then I went to the mind, and then once you get like the mindset going, it's like, okay, then there's something deeper than that, and that's like the soul work. Yeah. So I think that— I think just like growing up, just like— and my mom did the best she could, and I never want to like talk bad about my parents and the way they parented. Everybody's doing the best they could. Everyone's doing what they were taught and, and so forth. And I think that she had a lot of, um, she cared about the way she looked a lot. And I think that's just— I had two older brothers, I was the only girl, and I think that that just kind of was really ingrained in me that you should care about how you look. And I, I believe that still. I do believe that you should care about how you look. I think when you, when you look your best, you feel your best, and you show up your best. I do believe in that. And there's nothing wrong with aging and there's nothing wrong with being natural and there's nothing wrong with these things that we're told, like we have to do the next thing. And it's— I think that's like really crippling for women because there's always someone better. And I think with like dating culture, knowing that you can just swipe to the next person is really dangerous. And it makes me really sad because I'm really grateful that I didn't get caught up in that. I think I spent like— I did have like 2 months where I was on Bumble because I was like, oh, like, how— what do you do? Like, how do you meet people? When I— I mean, that's been where, um, when we, when we separated, it was like, oh, I don't even know where we meet people. I'm a mom, I'm a single mom. Like, where do you meet people? And I'm just so grateful for that, that I didn't meet my person on a site like that. Not saying there's anything wrong, and, and you can definitely meet amazing people but it's more about that thought that there's always going to be something better. Because to me, if you know that there's something better out there or something different or something that you could get, you're never going to put 100% in. And I think that's a big problem that we have nowadays is people don't go all in on their healing and therefore the relationship's healing. And relationships are really the deeper healing integrated. You can do as much work on yourself as possible, but really how you integrate is with a conscious relationship. Like, I 100% wholeheartedly believe that, that doesn't matter what plant medicine you do, doesn't matter what guru you go to, what mentor you have, anything. The most and deepest work you will ever have is in a conscious relationship. So I think that just like, I think just the way in which I grew up with the people that I was around and media, I would say, like, was just really ingrained that I had to have big boobs to feel like a woman, or I had to have big boobs to feel like I was whole, or that men would find me attractive. And it's just like so crazy. It's like, I think about it now and I'm like, they're fucking bags of saline or silicone. Like, what? That's attractive? Like, what makes you think that? It's So bizarre now that I'm on the other side, it's like just so crazy to me that I was like caught in that. But that's programming. That's the conditioning of, of, of these marketing geniuses. Like, that's what they want from you because they don't make money if you don't think that you're less than yourself. So really good job to make you feel like that.

Hey, I heard the passion in your voice when you started talking about this. Yep, I love it. And, um, the, the last thing that I wanted to, um, that I wanted to touch on was that integration in a conscious relationship. Um, and it really just comes down to the commitment, right? Like the commitment and the choice to stay and to, um, to accept the healing. Is there any, uh, is there anything that you want to touch on in regards to that, the integrated healing? And just, um, yeah, I just, I just love the topic of consciousness and relationships.

Yeah. Um, I think just making a point to know that both parties don't have to necessarily be on the same page in the beginning. And I share that, and maybe that's a projection of where I was, because if Jeremy, from what he wanted and wanted to call in, I wasn't quite there yet. And he was really patient. And also he was bypassing in so many ways, and I was able to bring that forth in him. So I think understanding that you can grow together in, in being in different levels, if that's even a thing— I hate to call it levels, but everybody has their own different experiences and trauma and in the way that which that manifests looks different in everyone. So I think one, like, dropping the expectations of what your partner has to be when you meet them or what they have to be in 1 year, 5 years, it's, it's really that like that choice to grow and go in 100%. And also I think it's really important to have standards. So just because they're not like equal to you in the sense of like maybe you're more conscious than them in the beginning, If you have a standard that you always set and you always abide by and live by and lead by, your partner, you can, you can help them reach that next level and they can help you reach that next level. Even though you may be more conscious, there's things that you're missing that they can mirror back to you. And that's what's so beautiful about conscious relationships is the mirror. And when you choose to look in the mirror and it's like, gosh, how many years? Like, there's we spent years where we were like, nope, not looking. That's your— but this was our favorite, like, um, that's your work to do. And it was really like, I'm a bitchin' bypasser and I'm gonna like share it like that. Like, we would— we like laugh about that. It's like, we need to make like skits or reels about like what conscious— the arguments and relationships, like, that's easier work to do. So I think understanding that it's both parties' work, even if one person is triggered and the other person isn't, it's like, if there's true love in that relationship How can you assist and support that person that's going through the trigger? How can you meet them with love? How can you meet them with compassion? And how can you choose to show up full integrity and really express to them why this relationship is important to you and allow them to see that safety? Safety is everything. When you have safety in a relationship, you can grow and flourish beyond anything you could ever imagine.

Yeah, that's— there's no better way to leave off than that. Uh, Jax, do you have any last thoughts before we, um, before we, uh, close off the episode?

I think that— I know we spoke a lot about relationships today, and I want to make sure that it is known that relationships are only going to work if each party chooses to go on that healing journey separately. By themselves. Like, doing that deep inner work while the integration is with a partner and a conscious partner, you really have to choose to look at your blind spots. You really have to choose to look at, you know, how you're showing up with, with friends and family members and in work and your career and, and everything, and your partner, to see where it is that you have deeper healing to do and not expect your partner to fix you because again, they're there to mirror things to you, but you actively have to do the work. So when you see a mirror, can you choose to take that mirror and that light and see it as a gift? Whenever I have a trigger, yeah, sucks. No one likes being triggered, but I really choose to see it as an opportunity to grow and as like a light on something that was shadowed before that I get to actually be like, oh no, we're not going to suppress this or repress this. We're actively going to work on this. So I think allowing yourself to, to work separately and then with another partner is going to expedite your growth even, even deeper and even stronger in your relationship.

Beautiful. Thank you for that.

Sure.

Jax, it has been an absolute pleasure. Um, I just wanna note, because I had a one-on-one with Jeremy, I don't know if he's ever expressed this to you, But I asked him, I was like, what is the, uh, what's the impact that Jax has made in your life? And he, he looked at me and then he did his little look up thing where he's thinking, and then he said, you know, the, the impact isn't even quantifiable because it's been that large.

And so if he's never expressed that to you, look at this pass right By step.

Sharing it with you right now. And for the ones tuning into this, I pray that, you know, with what Jax and I went over and Jax's experiences, that it helps you guys with your walk, especially, you know, going into a relationship, because it's an important thing. It's a very important thing. Like, we are humans. We're biologically put down here to to procreate and to be with a partner. And if you aren't with somebody who isn't aligned with who you are, you guys don't have— you guys don't share the same values, um, that isn't going to spell very well for you, you know, your life moving forward. So I pray that what we went over, the container that we shared today, was helpful. Thank you guys so much for tuning into this episode. All of the plugs for Jax will be in the description. I pray that wherever you guys are, that you all have a blessed rest of your morning, your afternoon, and your night. And I will see you guys all in the next episode. Peace.