Exploring The Dark Side: Alchemizing Addiction Into Purpose [w/ Nick Lowry]

I want to go even deeper in our experiences of really battling addiction, because I used to be the type to like, right before work, like I would be a little high. Like I would take some shots in the bar, like behind the bar, you know what I mean? To like take the edge off.

I went like deep into the partying and the drugs and especially like selling drugs. You know, if you're selling drugs, like people want to be around you. You know, there were some hard lessons learned over the years, but through that, it allowed me to understand myself at a, at a much deeper level, um, because I had seen the darkness and I had essentially been the darkness. And to go through that and come out the other end gave me a, a unique view of the world. So I was like 7 months sober, I got arrested for the official charges: aiding and abetting the transportation of illegal aliens for financial gain. Oh, what? Yeah, that's for sure going to be The intro.

Welcome back to another episode on the podcast. Thank you for joining me on today's show. I will be sharing the floor with a guest today. Today I have with me an investor and a trader and entrepreneur. He's a host of his own podcast, The Comeback Journey, where he invites various people to share what they've been through and where they are now and where they want to go to in life. Please welcome Mr. Nick Lowry. Welcome, brother.

Thanks for having me, man. I'm excited.

Well, thank you for sharing the floor with me, man.

So, uh, pleasure.

I wanted to kind of just lay out some backstory of why we kind of both started our podcast, because, uh, as, you know, hosts of our own shows, I feel as though, um, the audience or the listeners would get some key takeaways from this whole story that we're trying to lay out for them. You wanna, you wanna start us off, brother?

Yeah, yeah. So, so I started my podcast in, uh, 2019, um, like September, October 2019. And my, my reasoning behind it was I had just— well, at the time I felt like I was in a very open and forward-moving space in life. And I felt like my experiences could have a positive impact on people's lives. And so, you know, the first episode that I did was just me talking about my life and kind of some of the things that I've been through and where I was at now in that moment and, um, and where I wanted to go and It was just a, a very simple flow. And then I just started asking whoever I knew, and, you know, people who I knew and, and people that they knew, and just, you know, started talking to people. And it was a beautiful thing because I think that a big part of the way that humans interpret the world is through story form. And so having people, uh, talk to or talk about the things that they've been through in a way that kind of flows as a story, like, it, at least for me, that resonates very deeply. And so I figured it may resonate with other people very deeply. And, um, when I started the podcast, I was, uh, I was about 2 and a half years sober, and so I had, you know, spent quite a long time in a very self-destructive path, and then got myself out of it, made the decision to live a, you know, better life. And, um, I felt like at that point in 2019, I was in a position where I was solidified enough to devote myself to something more than just survival. And it just kind of evolved from there. And I think I've got 60-something episodes. And it's been a while since I've done one. I, you know, kind of went through an extended dark night of the soul period. Um, where I didn't feel like— I didn't feel like it was— I was in the, the right space to, to continue with it at the time. But we're bringing it back full circle. So, um, it's been a beautiful journey, man.

Comeback journey.

The comeback journey.

That's beautiful, man. And I kind of want to highlight on something you mentioned. It's always those dark moments in our life where we're going through something to where we feel as though there's gems out of this, there's, there's value out of this. And it's crazy because it's, it's kind of like an act of surrendering almost to what needs to happen. Like, you don't really know You don't really know what's happening, but you just know this needs to happen. And I wanted to ask you, man, like when you were going through, you know, the, the problems with addiction and all these, uh, other things going on in your life, did you feel as though that you kind of wanted to use yourself as a vessel to like help others when you were starting this podcast?

Yeah, I mean, I would say that that was probably the primary motivation. And you know, there's, there's always, uh, you know, we're always battling our, our ego in the sense, you know, so it's like part of me was like, oh yeah, like, you know, I could start this podcast and like I can, you know, have more eyes on me in a sense. But the, the other side of that is that the more eyes that are on me, the more value I can provide to people. And so they kind of intermingle. But yeah, I, I really felt like I had taken, uh, an unorthodox— maybe not unorthodox, but like the path less traveled for sobriety and kind of getting myself out of, um, active addiction. And so I just wanted to, you know, share that and, you know, hopefully it would resonate with people and then bring other people on and, and have them tell their stories. Because everyone has a story, everything, everybody has such unique experiences and you don't know who that's gonna land with. You don't know who's gonna resonate with that. And so the wider variety of people that I was able to talk to, I felt like the more it would you know, maybe reach somebody that needed it. And, you know, through that process, like, I also learned a lot about myself. And it just seemed like, you know, reflecting back on it from when I started, it is definitely like a win-win all around for everyone, myself included. That's at least— that's how I look at it. You know, I don't feel like there was any point where any harm was being brought into the world or, you know, channeled at all. It was just, you know, discussing, you know, ideas and experiences and looking forward, which I think is super important because I feel like a lot of people, myself included, we tend to— if, if we haven't kind of worked through the things that we've been through, uh, we tend to dwell on the past. So kind of shifting that perspective and focusing on the, on the future and the, on the present moment and the future, uh, was very impactful to me.

I, I resonate with what you were saying because when I started this podcast, it was an act of wanting to pave another path for people who didn't know that there was another way. It was from a place of having going through so many things in my life. And even at that time, I was also battling addiction and substance abuse. So during that time period, I had like this idea, this, I don't know, this calling I guess you could say it like that. I didn't entirely know what I was doing, but I just knew I needed to do it. And there were so many like external factors that could have stopped me from doing this, but for some reason, like nothing else that I ever did lit a fire in my heart. It was all just creating and being an example. I love how honest you were about, you know, You know, at first it wasn't— it was kind of like, you know, just to get eyes on you. But then like conversely, the more eyes you got, the more you were able to impact. And, you know, I totally agree with you on that because when I started this whole thing, I started making YouTube videos and I started, you know, thinking like, I just want to make these YouTube videos and you know, kind of see where this can go in terms of gaining, you know, an audience. And it really hit me when, during my beginning stages, where I wanted the eyes on me, I wanted people to see me, I wanted people to hear me. And so I was coming from a place of like trying to seek these things instead of just trying to add value and it never worked out. I mean, beginning stages, you barely have any viewers, you barely have any listeners. How many years has it been for you and your podcast now, brother?

2019, late 2019. So, oh wow, okay, 3, 3 and a half years. Okay, so I haven't, I haven't posted an episode, uh, since 2021. I've recorded a couple since then, um, but I haven't posted any. Um, you know, it's so funny because when, when we had connected and, and, you know, discussed doing this podcast, it was, it was really like a, a sign for me to kind of figure out a way to, to get back into that space because I, I really, really enjoyed doing it. And, um, you know, like I said, like there's, there's seasons in life and just I wasn't in the right space to be able to devote the time and energy to continuing my podcast, but I feel like we're, we're coming full circle and, um, you know, life's a roller coaster, man. There's, there's ups and there's downs. And it definitely is.

It definitely is. Um, there was, there was a point, uh, during the During the whole time, like, because I, I'm on like 3 years now with my YouTube channel because that's how, that's how I started. And there were moments where I had to just take a break from making videos and just focusing on the hustle, you know, making money, trying to survive. And, you know, with these seasons, man, it's beautiful because like when you know that something needs to happen and you just surrender to that, that's where like real magic or miracles start happening. And so, you know, it's a blessing to be able to share this space with you. And I wanted to highlight how we're kind of both in this community filled with conscious individuals and we're able to kind of connect with, you know, people that don't really talk about the average thing, like you know, like, what shows do you watch? Or like, you know what I mean? Like, things that don't really matter to us, but they matter a whole lot to other people. And I wanted to kind of ask you how you got into contact with people in the conscious space. And like, even how did you even cultivate your own consciousness?

Oh, that's a good question. So as far as the, um, you know, the community aspect, what you were talking about, um, we're both in this, you know, this amazing community, the Level Up Collective. And just, you know, it's so funny to think back on like how life evolves, you know, the things that we've been through and how everything's connected. So one of my my good friend Jeremy, he's the founder of the Level Up Collective, and I've known him since high school. And we weren't ever like super close, but like, you know, friends. And we would just essentially like party together. I went like deep into the partying and the drugs. And when I got sober in 2017, I really was trying to figure out how I needed to structure my life in a way that would allow me to move past that and continue to move forward. And, you know, I had to essentially cut out like 99% of the people in my life. Um, there was a period of time where like the only people that had my phone number were like my immediate family members and like 3 other people. I reached out to Jeremy. After I got sober, because at the time he was a fitness coach and I wanted to, you know, be healthy, at least, you know, raise my baseline of health. And so I worked with him for a little bit, um, for fitness and nutrition. And then I actually had a, uh, a phone call with him before I started my podcast, kind of asking him questions about, you know, what would be the best way to navigate that, or just if he had any tips or advice on, on how to get that going. I've just been very fortunate in, you know, the people that I've been able to, uh, surround myself with and associate with. Another person that I'm, that I'm very close with, his name's Cody, man. We met freshman year of high school, so, you know, we've been thick as thieves for like 16 years. He and I were just always on a very similar wavelength, and, um, he's actually Like out of like the 60-something episodes that I did on my podcast, he's probably the guest on 20 of them. We just had, we just, you know, we're able to, to talk about life in a way that's, you know, very rare. So I would say those, those two people were a massive influence on allowing me to evolve as a person into being in a more conscious space. And then obviously when Jeremy founded the Level Up Collective. I joined immediately, and that's been such a beautiful container for connecting with like-minded individuals and, you know, shining a light on the more difficult aspects of life, the things that, you know, people don't necessarily want to look at. It's a beautiful thing to have people like that around you, you know. To circle back to your original question, the people, and then like what kind of started my my journey of, you know, the conscious path and becoming more aware of myself and the way that, you know, the universe works and, and, and how I interact within the universe. I think ever since I was a little kid, I felt like I was different, like I was like the weird kid, you know, when I was a child. And, you know, my brothers are too, which is— it's funny, like my brothers and I, like, we're We're wildly different, but we have a lot of similarities. You know, I just felt like for a very, very long time, I felt like I didn't belong anywhere. I felt like I was the black sheep of my family. I felt like this period of time when I was in middle school where I, you know, essentially like didn't have any friends and I just felt like an outcast and it was a really difficult time. I was always, you know, seeking attention and approval and validation. And, and I think that that's, you know, at the very least, it's, it's part of the reason why I got into, you know, drugs and alcohols, um, especially like selling drugs. Like, you know, if you're selling drugs, like, people want to be around you, um, even if they're not necessarily, you know, the best people. Not that they're, you know, everyone's got good and bad in them, you know. But it was a way for me to kind of supplement that, the attention and and the validation that I wanted. And so there was always something under the surface that was guiding me to where I needed to be, and I took a very roundabout way. I have this tendency to need to learn lessons the hard way before I— before they kind of sink in, you know. And so, uh, you know, there were some hard lessons learned over the years, but Through that, it allowed me to understand myself at a, at a much deeper level, um, because I had seen the darkness and I had essentially been the darkness. And to go through that and come out the other end gave me a unique view of the world. What came out of that is, you know, what you mentioned, which is, you know, the consciousness aspect and, and feeling more tapped into myself and to the, the world around me.

How would you define consciousness to those that are listening right now?

I mean, I, I would say in its simplest form, it would just be an awareness of the duality of life, the good and the bad, the light and the darkness, and how you fit into that. Those aspects are ever present in life and in yourself. You know, a lot of people don't want to look at the darkness within themselves. And I think once you are able to do that, that is the catalyst for massive personal evolution.

I used to think like with spirituality, because I was, you know, I was just like you. I resonate with what you were saying with feeling like you didn't fit in with anybody. The black sheep of the family. I always felt like an outcast growing up, and part of it was because I, you know, was born in another country. When I moved here, I didn't know how to speak English, so I was— didn't know how to communicate to people. So I always had this anxiety and this fear of talking to people. To me, I believe those were the earlier stages of my spiritual development, and it wasn't until I actually stumbled upon our community that I started learning more about consciousness. And consciousness is just such a beautiful complement to spirituality. It, it's such a beautiful way to just walk in this life because you know you're the one that has the power. It was never something that was taken away from you. And I used to believe that I was powerless. I used to believe that I had no control of my life because I grew up not knowing where life was going to take me. I had multiple experiences in which my life was almost taken from me. I grew up with parents that couldn't fully take care of me, so I had to stay in different homes during my, uh, school years. And so I never felt like I had a belonging or I had control of my life. I was just at the mercy of whatever life has for me. And now that I've grown up to who I am now, I realize now more than ever that it's all in our power, that it's all in our control. What drove you to want to be a part of something like this, especially a wealth mastermind?

Well, that's— so that's an interesting question because when I joined, it was not a wealth mastermind. It evolved into that over time, but You know, at the beginning it was, my motivation was to have a community of like-minded people and learn as much as I could about living the most optimized life that I could. And that's, you know, incorporates a lot of things, but, you know, physical health, mental, emotional, spiritual health, you know, diving into, you know, the darker aspects of myself and you know, learning how to reframe my belief systems and kind of set myself up in the best way possible for the rest of my life, essentially, and to be surrounded by other people who want the same for themselves and for others. You know, as this community evolved, it, you know, it is what it is now, which is, you know, it's a very multifaceted community, but you know, a massive piece of that is, is wealth creation. And I, like I said earlier, I, uh, have a tendency to learn things the hard way. So many times in my life where I've fallen into the shiny object trap, you know, whatever's, whatever's cool at the moment or, or whatever I think is gonna, you know, get me the best results in the shortest period of time. And so, you You know, I've dabbled in a lot of different things and, you know, wealth creation and generating income. And, you know, another beautiful thing about the community that we're in is that it's very raw and there's no bullshit. So if you're, you know, you can share your wins and, you know, your losses in any aspect of life and you get some, you know, raw, honest feedback, which is a beautiful thing. And so, you know, I've had a lot of experiences where it's like, uh, either just not calling you out on the shit you're doing wrong, or it's just kind of like, uh, yay, keep going, do whatever you want to do, which is great. That's a beautiful thing, like, that we're, you know, we're in a position to be able to do whatever we whatever we want to do. But there's the other aspect of it where like you need those, those checks and balances from the relationships that you have. You know, if you're just— if you're in a position where you're surrounded by people that are just gonna always agree with you or always tell you what you want to hear, you don't think that's necessarily conducive to growth and evolution.

I joined much later than you, so I didn't get to see entire, in its entirety, the evolution, but I'm sure that it was such, it was probably transformational things for everyone in it. I've never thought that I'd ever join a mastermind, if I'm gonna be honest with you. I grew up in life wanting to be a bartender.

Let's go, been there.

Ah, man, that party life is just something else. I didn't even party when I was younger, but as soon as I turned 21 and I started being a bartender, that's when I started getting into like those, like being the life of the party, if that makes sense. Being around that environment to this environment, it's like two different worlds. I just, I just want to give my flowers to Jeremy for really, you know, cultivating this space and even the rawness of what we're going through in life, because we know that not everything is going to be highs. There's definitely going to be some lows, and those are where the real lessons that are to be learned come from. Like, I'll put it into this example: basketball. When you win a game of basketball, you get that high of winning, and then it's like, okay, let's go play again. But if you're competitive and you lose, you take that way more seriously than if you had won. Because when you lose, you're like, dang, like, what did I do wrong? Like, all right, I gotta go fix this. I gotta go fix that. Ah, this is where I messed up. And then you start wanting to improve. So if you win, you're like, you don't really care too much, let's move on to the next game. But then if you lose, you're more critical, you're more analytical about why you didn't win. And so when we take losses in life, when we make mistakes, when we're at a point in our life where we're just not where we want to be, that's where the real lessons are. Dude, it's so crazy seeing myself now, and I want to go even deeper in our experiences of really battling addiction because I used to be the type to like, right before work, like I would be a little high, like I would take some shots in the bar, like behind the bar, you know what I mean, to like take the edge off. What was your experience like dealing with addiction? To kind of just go, go right back to that.

So I remember the first time I smoked weed was, uh, the summer, the summer after my sophomore year of high school. And I like poked some holes in a Diet Coke can and like sprinkled the weed on top and smoked it out of the soda can, you know. Oh, through most of high school, I was like very like well-behaved, good kid. And then second half of my senior year of high school, I just was like I had had some, some things happen while I was in high school. And, and so when I got to my senior year, I was, I wanted an escape essentially, you know, I had a family member, uh, murdered my sophomore year of high school. And then very shortly after that, my mom got diagnosed with cancer. Um, and she's like healthy now. My mom's an angel. She's an amazing person. And, but you know, at that time I was just, it's a lot to handle for a teenager. My senior year of high school, um, I started like drinking a little more, and then I got into oxys, and I started doing cocaine, and then I started doing ecstasy. And it just was a wild downhill spiral from like 18 to— let's say 17 years old until like 20, just before I turned 26. And it was you know, like I mentioned earlier, like the selling drugs part was very much, let me get that attention and that validation and like people wanna be around me. But I was also like pretty shy. And so like drinking and doing drugs, like you said, kind of makes you wanna be more of like the life of the party and more outgoing and like, let me act a certain way so that these people will like me. Because like I felt like I never fit in. It just was this feedback loop of like, I do these things, like I knew that I was fucking up, but I also was getting what I felt I needed at the time, which was like I had all of these friends, you know, like quote unquote friends. Um, I had all these people that I could call to hang out with, like let's, you know, let's get a bottle, like, let's get an 8-ball, let's, you know, smoke blunt, like, all whatever, you know. I had this constant influx of, uh, attention, and that's what I have been seeking for so long. And so, first of all, like, not sustainable. So, you know, I've burned a lot of bridges, screwed people over, I've stolen from people, I've you know, stolen from my family. And like, that was the dark night of the soul, like the, the big one that, you know, and it's been, you know, long enough now where I feel like that was an entirely different life. Like part of it doesn't even seem real to me, thinking back on like the things that I've done, or kind of the way that I used to act in the world. It's a trip, dude, to think about that kind of stuff because, you know, there's this debate about addiction, about like what causes it. And, you know, by far the most popular route to go in sobriety is to do like the 12-step program for Alcoholics Anonymous. I didn't resonate with that at the time. I've been to 2 inpatient rehab programs and I didn't do the 12 steps either time that I went. And I had this aversion to the, like, the God aspect of it. So I went to Catholic school for, like, essentially my entire childhood, and, like, church every Sunday. And but I didn't, like, really believe. It was just like, this is, this is what you do. You go to Catholic school, you go to church, you, you know, you go— I was just kind of going through the motions, you know. By the time I was heavy into the addiction. Like, I was like, essentially my belief was like, God is not real, like there's nothing out there. And so to essentially surrender to this program of, you know, giving my— giving myself over to a higher power, I was like, I'm not doing that. Like, ah, there isn't one, you know. What I figured out over the years is, um, for one, like, I've, I've come to believe that there is a guiding force, you know. Some of the experiences that I've had in life, like, there's no way that things turned out the way they did without some kind of, so you could say, divine intervention. But another thing that I've, you know, figured out over the years is that you can go through life like white-knuckling it and like just going to meetings all the time like AA meetings or NA meetings and just like living that, that path. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that path. I think that there's, you know, we were talking about community earlier, like the Alcoholics Anonymous community, that's like a very like strong, tight-knit community of people who like genuinely want to remain sober. But in my experience, when I go to these meetings, I haven't been to one in a long time, but It's a lot of reflecting on the things that you've done in the past, where you're at now, with very, very little focus on where you want to go. It's more like, let's just get through today. Like, you know, one day at a time, one day at a time, one day at a time. And I wanted more than that. And what I've come to realize is like a big piece of, you know, I guess a a countering force to addiction is purpose and fulfillment. Because if you have something that you want more than you want to escape, then you won't escape. I don't know if I— if that makes sense, but no, it definitely does, dude.

It definitely does. Like, I've To this day, like, I've still been battling marijuana addiction. And now that I'm like in this position where I have to show up to— like, my higher self needs to show up. Like, I can't be messing around. That desire for my higher self and my best self to show up beats my addiction to want to smoke some weed. That sense of purpose completely takes over. And it's funny how you mentioned that because I was literally just talking to my girlfriend about this. Addiction is a crazy thing, man. And I don't even know how it's like— how it started for me was to be honest, like in middle school. I started smoking weed in middle school back when you bought them in dime bags and nickel bags and you bought it from some sketchy ass dude that you don't know if you were getting oregano. I don't know. Weed back then was a lot crazier. I think it's very different now and it's kind of sad to see because it's so commercialized. Back then you had to like, you know, you had to really be in the know to get some. You had to be in the know to get some dro. And now it's like, dude, you can have like a pen that can get you absolutely high, but it's like some super potent shit.

So you could just buy it at the store.

Yeah. And it's so sad to see because I see so many individuals And I don't hate on anybody, like, you know, live your life. But at the same time, like, you know, I know the consequences because I've been there. And it's just sad to see how there are a lot of people that, that are falling victim to addiction path, especially you take into consideration like vaping and all these different things that are not good for us, but you know, they're so easy, they're like so readily available to everybody. I think we dodged a bullet. Like, I really do think that we did. And I'm not saying that our experiences of like having gone through addiction, like, or your experiences of anything that you've gone through was, was good, but it definitely moved you in the direction that guiding force definitely had this path for you. I can only imagine to have done ecstasy, cocaine, like all these super potent drugs, and then still being able to, I guess, like, beat it, like being able to beat it and be here and be a voice for people that are going through it. To me, it seems a lot like your purpose definitely took hold and just rattled whatever you were dealing with out of you. I had gotten offered cocaine like maybe 3 times in my life. I never once took it, but I can see what it does to people. And even ecstasy— ecstasy I think is a big one, especially like I used to go to— or I went to like one rave and A lot of people are like, just, you know, just taking that shit like candy.

Yeah, man.

So I can only imagine the high that you feel in that moment and then to come back down to reality, because I see it in people's eyes afterwards, like after the parties, and they're just like completely like zombified.

That's the perfect opportunity to just take more.

Yeah.

And then, you know, that's, that's where the— that's a key part of that cycle is like, not only do you feel amazing while you're doing it, but once you stop, you're like back below baseline. Like you're below where you were before you took it. And then you feel like absolute shit and like you could just take some more and like, not feel like that. And that'll get you.

You had your eyes, your sights set on something much further. And I wanted to ask you, like, what did you have your eyes set on during that time period? Because you had that awareness. So what did you set your sights on?

Well, just just in like full transparency, like I've been to hundreds of AA meetings and they served a massive purpose at the beginning where I, I needed, uh, kind of that daily or, you know, multiple time a week reminders to like keep me on track. Like they, they did— they definitely played a role in kind of, you know, they were like a buffer you know, kind of keeping me away from, you know, what I didn't want to go back to. I didn't really know what I wanted as far as like in the future when I first got sober, because I had spent like almost a decade with like no plans at all for the future. Like I didn't think about that really ever. It was just like, what am I doing tomorrow? Like, let's, you you know, let's get fucked up. Like, what are we doing, you know? And, um, and so once I stopped, it was like, okay, I don't really know. Like, I have no idea what I want to do. I needed, I needed something. Like, I needed to do something because I was like living at my mom's house. I didn't have a car. I didn't have a driver's license. I, I like, I needed some form of structure, you know. And so I got a job. I started working at Costco, and then I got another job. When I was working two jobs, November of 2017, so I was like 7 months sober, I got arrested for, uh, the official charges: aiding and abetting the transportation of illegal aliens for financial gain. What, bro? What are you talking about, man? Ladies and gentlemen, Oh, what? Yeah, so, uh, that's for sure gonna be the intro. No, I'm just playing. Yeah, bro, it was a wild story. Like, I was sober at this point, right? Like, I was—

yo, I'm sorry, continue, bro.

I, uh, no, no, you're good, you're good. Um, like, I was sober. I was like 7 months sober, and I was like you know, I was working at Costco, um, and I actually— this was before I got the second job, but one of my co-workers was like sending me Snapchats with like thousands of dollars. And I was 26 at the time and he was like 20, and we both worked at Costco. I was like, bro, how are you getting this money? Like, I know you're not making it here because like we make the same money and I work more hours than you, so like, you know. And he was— I like asked him, I said, does it have anything to do with drugs? And he said no. And I was like, cool, like, can I get in on it, you know? And, um, one of my best friends had recently moved from San Diego to North Carolina, and I was like, damn, like, I kind of want to change. Like, maybe I'll move out to North Carolina. I'm gonna need some money to do that though, and I don't have— like, you know, this might be a good jump start. And so It was basically like, drive from San Diego to El Centro, which is like close to the border of Arizona, um, pick some illegal immigrants up and drive them to LA and get $5,000. You don't have to cross any state lines, you don't have to cross any borders. And I was like, sign me up. And so I was at work one day and I, I asked my mom, I was using her car and I had just got my license back like the month before 'cause I had gotten a DUI previously and, um, like didn't do my DUI classes and like had a warrant out for my arrest and like there was this whole thing and my license was suspended for like quite a while and I had just gotten it back. And I asked my mom, I was like, hey mom, um, can I use your car to go hang out with a friend after work? And she was like, "Yeah, sure." And so I go pick up my coworker. He's in the passenger seat, I'm in the front seat, and we drive, you know, out to El Centro and waited till it got dark and then picked up this family, like, on the side of the freeway. Like, we, like, pulled up in the emergency lane and this family of, like, 6 people, like, little kids jumped into the back of my mom's car. And, you know, you know, my luck. First time I ever did it, get caught. And Border Patrol had an investigation going, apparently. So like, they watched these people cross the border. They watched me pull up on the wrong side of the freeway and then get off the next exit and pull around and pull back onto the correct side of the freeway. And then they followed me almost all the way back to San Diego in unmarked vehicles. And then like boxed me in and pulled me off to the side of the road. And so I spent a few days in jail in El Centro. I remember calling my mom from the Border Patrol station. It was like 4 o'clock in the morning and I left her a message and I was like, I just got arrested. Like, I'm sober. I don't know if that makes any difference, but like, just so you know. Um, and so the next day, uh, this was a Sunday, the day that I got arrested. And so the next day was Monday, and, um, I was like to go in front of the judge. And my mom drove out there, and she was sitting in the courtroom. And I walk into the courtroom in an orange jumpsuit and shackles because it— I had been arrested for a federal felony offense. I was in jail for like 3 and a half days. I got out the day before Thanksgiving. Like, when I got out on a Wednesday, it was the day before Thanksgiving. Shout out to my mom. They let me out on a signature bond, which is essentially if somebody, if a financially responsible related adult with no criminal record can sign for you, their signature like will allow you to be released. And if you don't do what you have to do after you get released, then that person is on the hook for like $30 grand. In penalties. So my mom signed because she's a financially responsible related adult with no criminal record. Shout out, Mom. So I got out and I was on, um, pre-trial release, and then I was on probation throughout that whole process. It was like November of 2017 until March of 2019, so like almost a year and a half. I had to call every day Monday through Friday to see if I had to take a drug test. That was like the terms of my probation because I had had a DUI for driving under the influence of a controlled substance, and I had also had a drug possession charge. And so they— that was the terms of my probation, is I had to, you know, call every day to see if I had to take a drug test, which was like a massive win for like keeping me sober. But it was wild, dude. Like, the U.S. Marshals came and inspected my mom's house to make sure it was a suitable living environment. Like, it was this whole thing. That really added the structure that I needed at the time. I didn't really have any inclination to like relapse. I didn't want to like drink or do drugs, but that was like, I couldn't. Like if I do, like I'm going to jail, you know? I didn't really know what I wanted to do and I couldn't, like I didn't really have the wherewithal to like think about what I wanted. It was more so like, let me just get to the end of probation and not fuck up. Right before, uh, my probation ended, um, I met my ex and we started dating. At that time, like, I— my plan kind of was like, I'm either gonna, you know, work my way up at Costco, or I'm gonna be like a— like, work my way up and become like a restaurant manager, and then like maybe open my own restaurant one day. That was like kind of the goal. I, I was working like 2 full-time jobs just saving up as much money as I could. I bought a new car, you know, I just, I wanted like the normal things that people want, just like financial stability and like I wanted like my baselines covered and then I could figure out what else I wanted. The end of 2019, I, I quit Costco. I had been there for like 2 and a half years. I quit Costco and I got promoted to manager at the restaurant that I was bartending at. I did that for like a couple months and then like Moved in, restaurants closed, I was out of a job. What's the crazy timing is that like January of 2020 is when the Level Up Collective started. So I had just joined the Level Up Collective. I had just started my podcast and then I lost my job. And so that was really like, got me thinking like, okay, What do you want to do in life? Like, what are, what are we doing here? Like, what, like, what more is there? There has to be more, you know? And I knew like, there's no way that I'm working a job for like 30 years just to like retire. Like, I'm not doing that. I went to college for a little bit, like right outta high school. I did like 3 semesters, but like, wasn't doing that either. And so it was, you know, I would say like that, that was really when I, I started thinking, started considering the possibility that there was more than just working. You know, since that time, it's been, you know, pretty tumultuous. I'm thankful for, you know, all these experiences because, you know, while I'm not necessarily like— obviously there's— I would like to have more and be more than what my current circumstances show. I'm also grateful for the experiences that got me to where I'm at because I feel like my, my toolkit is stacked and I'm able to like much more effectively maneuver in the world. That was a long rant.

You are living in the wild fucking west, bro. No cap. No cap. I would have never known. I would have never known. And thank you so much for sharing that.

Yeah, man.

You have a whole host of experiences. I like to think of these things as like seeds of experience. That you plant into the dirt, if you nurture it and if you take care of it and if you hold yourself accountable, they can grow into a tree that can be ripe with fruits for you. And you planted a whole fucking garden, bro. You never really know, to be honest. You never really know with people. And that's why I love just the whole idea of having a platform to be able to have people come on board and talk about their journey, their comeback journey. Was there any point in your life— was it— was this the point in your life where you still didn't believe in God, or were you starting to kind of find your, your, um, your relationship with God? Or can you tell me more in regards to— yeah, like how you came across that higher power?

Um, so at that point I was like, I wasn't even on my mind at all. But that was one of the experiences where I looked back and I was like, that's like the higher power, the, you know, God or the universe, like whatever word somebody wants to describe that. But it's like when that happened, when I got arrested, um, I remember two things that the one of the Border Patrol agents said. And one of them was like, why are you trying to smuggle illegal immigrants when the president wants to build a wall? And I was like, I don't know what that has to do with anything, but like, okay. The second thing that he said though was like, you're looking at 16 to 24 months in federal prison. And I was like, I'm not built for prison. There's no way. Like, there's no way, you know? And, um, I spent 3 days in jail, and other than that, the only consequence was I was on probation. That's it. I didn't have to pay any fines. I didn't— like, there was nothing. There's no consequences. I was just on probation for a year, and that was it. And I was like, I, I guess I had started to I had started to like tap into spirituality a little bit in like 2019. My ex had kind of got me, uh, into like the journaling and meditation game. And that was— I had never really like— maybe I had journaled a little bit, but like never really took it seriously. And so that was, that was a big catalyst for helping me like tap in on a deeper level. Another big catalyst was talking to people on my podcast and kind of hearing their experiences, and, and that, that fueled it a little more. And then joining the Level Up Collective, that fueled it even more. And then once I was in a space where I felt like I was like elevated enough on a personal level, um, I guess like in a vibrational sense, like I was, I was able to like expand and like have a zoomed out view of like my life, and I was like, okay, like there's no way that— like there's no way that— that there was not something out there like keeping me— like there— it felt like there was— there was something that was giving me, uh, chances to like get my shit together, you know. I'd veer off the path a little bit and it would kind of bumped me back on the path, you know. Um, and I think that's where like the— where like the free will of humans comes in, right? Because maybe there is fate or like a preordained path that people are— that people are meant to be on, but that doesn't mean they necessarily follow that because we have free will. We can— we can make decisions, we can veer off the path, we could take a different path. But it felt like there was like almost like bumpers when you're bowling and like the ball starts to go to the side and the bumpers kind of knock it back onto the lane. Like, that's like, I feel like I was the bowling ball. Yeah, I would say the spirituality aspect really, um, it started to take hold, I would say, in 2019 and just kind of evolved from there.

How has the evolution been like from 2019 to now?

I would say it's been slow and gradual. Like, I don't want to say I was like forced into religion as a child, but it was like just the way— like, my, my grandparents, uh, were Catholic, and so like my mom was Catholic, and so like we were raised Catholic. It's just the way that it was, you know. So like, I didn't know anything different. Catholic school, church, all that. And then I, you know, went hard the other way where I was like, I don't believe in anything. Bringing all that full circle has been, has been a slow, gradual process of like allowing myself to, for one, believe, and to tap into that. It's been a little bit of a struggle because one could argue that like the free will aspect negates you know, has the potential to like negate a higher power because we can basically do whatever we want. Um, so who's to say that there is a, you know, a path that we're supposed to be on? So that's, you know, where my mind would go, be like, no, like I have the power, I'm in control. And that mentality is what kept me in like this rigid focused mentality when I got sober because I was like, I'm not going to give myself to a higher power. Like, I'm in control. Like, I, I am able to overcome this on my own. And I did that. But did I though? Or like, what, you know, was there a higher power like guiding me, you know? And so it's been a gradual process of of integrating that more into my life because I'm, I'm no longer at a point where I believe that there's nothing because there's like, just like my life, my experiences have shown me that like, that's just not the case. But my, my relationship with, you know, higher power, God, the universe, regularly at the forefront of my mind. And so that's the gradual process, I think, of like going from like, I don't believe anything to like, I'm tapped in all the time. I'm just slowly moving up that. It's like I'm riding like a really slow escalator, just like little by little moving up. I feel very grateful for the experiences that I've had that have allowed me to get to this place and for the outcome of those experiences to have led me down a path of, of seeking a deeper understanding of, you know, both consciousness and spirituality. Because you had said earlier, they, you know, they work together, you know, they complement each other. And I feel like for me, like, the consciousness aspect came first. And the spirituality aspect is slowly starting to get intermingled with that. I'm just very grateful and I'm very excited for what's to come.

That's beautiful. I love how you mentioned that consciousness came first. I definitely believe my spirituality came first and it led me to consciousness. So I'm kind of wondering, like, that self-awareness that comes with consciousness, Oh, here, let me ask you this. What made you start even wanting to integrate it more into your life?

I mean, to be honest, like, because other people I knew had been integrating it into their lives. And like, I think that was also like the, you know, the underlying, I want to fit in. But, but what's cool about that is like, You know, we can, we could talk about how patterns, you know, toxic patterns of like seeking validation or seeking attention, like, sure, they could have a negative aspect, you know, they could have a negative effect on your life. But the other end of that is like, what if you're seeking the validation of attention of people who are the most genuine, loving, authentic people that you've ever been around? And so you want to emulate that, you want to fit in with them. That was kind of the, the route that I took because I had, you know, I had a few friends that were, they were just, they were tapped in on that spiritual level and I wanted to be around them and I wanted to, I wanted to have a circle of people around me that were that I could connect with, like, on a very deep level, like those very meaningful relationships. And that just happened to be one of the things that all of them had in common. And so I was like, all right, well, how do I— you know, let me revert back to my acceptance and validation. And like, maybe that's not the best way to go through life, but you know, there's the, you know, the I guess the not most beneficial side of like, let me fit in and I'm gonna get the attention from like the, the drug addicts and the drug dealers. And on the other end of that is like, let me try and fit in with the people who want more out of their life. What are they doing? I'm gonna do that even if I don't fully believe in it. Like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna incorporate that into my life.

And so I think that that was kind of like the It's beautiful because we're kind of like a product of our environment. And you used to be in an environment where you were surrounded by people that weren't going to add value to your life, and now you are. So you've kind of slowly, gradually becoming your environment.

That's a really good point. Yeah, man, environment is key. It's, um, you know, that wildly overused phrase of, um, you are the average of the people you surround yourself with, but it's so true. It is so true.

Now that you're in this stage of your life, what are your, you know, what are your plans moving forward?

So it could be like a strength and a weakness depending on what way you look at it, but I I like to do a lot of different things. It's really cool 'cause I, you know, I try different things. I, I experiment. I, you know, I like to have new experiences. But the flip side of that is that sometimes I struggle with like consistency, like devoting myself to something for an extended period of time. And so where I'm at now and what I'd like, you know, moving forward, what I'm working towards is You know, over the last few years I've, I've spent a good amount of time learning, um, like investing and trading. I feel like I'm at a point now where I've strengthened that skill set to a point where I'm able to— like, I feel like I know what I'm doing now. Not to say that I'm— I wouldn't quite say that I'm an expert. I understand it enough to where I feel like I can make I can consistently see wins in that area of life. I want to get into real estate investment. You know, we'll be revamping the, uh, the Comeback Journey podcast. There's going to be some— call it like a relaunch of it. Um, there's going to be some things going along with that that I'm pretty excited about. And I want to thank you because this was, you know, this is the first podcast that I've done in a long time. It really, you know, brought light to the fact that that's something that I want continue to do. So, um, very grateful for, for this opportunity and, um, for being on your podcast. But yeah, man, it's— as far as like, uh, goals for like what I want in the future to kind of set myself up, you know, bringing it back to, you know, wealth, wealth creation, and there's a few things that I'd, I'd like to, to get in. At the forefront of that is the real estate aspect. I think that you know, that's been floating around in my, in my awareness for multiple years. That's something that I'm definitely gonna pursue. Um, I thoroughly enjoy the, uh, investing and trading. Um, like, that's fun for me, which is incredible because it's like, have fun and make money. That's cool. You know, starting the podcast, like, I, when I started it initially, like, I didn't have any plans of making money off it. I just wanted to to start a podcast, you know. And so I don't— like, who knows if that's gonna evolve into something that could be a potential revenue stream. But like, it's definitely something that I just also really enjoy doing. And I think that I've been lacking things that I enjoy doing in my life more recently. And so I'm excited to incorporate a little more commitment and consistency to the things that I do, and also incorporate a little more playfulness into the things that I do, and I think that that's going to be a game changer.

Super stoked for your growth, Nick.

Thanks, man.

Absolutely, brother. You got— you have a voice, man. You have a voice. You have a story. So use it. Use it.

Use it. Let's go. I'm stoked for you too, bro. This This is, um, you know, like you said, you've been making YouTube videos for like 3 years and devoting yourself to the aspect of life that I feel like is, is overlooked largely, which is just like adding value to people's lives in whatever way you can, whatever way your unique experiences and gifts allow you to. This is one of those for you, bro. And, um, I'm very grateful to, you know, have connected with you and grateful that, you know, you've allowed me to come on here and, and speak. And, you know, we have this incredible conversation. And, you know, even the first conversation that we had, I was like, we're tapped, like, we're vibing, you know? Like, so, yeah, it's a beautiful thing.

I'll be honest, this was, um, the first podcast for me in which I just feel like myself, you know? Like, you Hearing your experiences, you really brought my inner child out. Love it. Yeah. And it's beautiful, man. Again, I just want to say thank you for coming on here, blessing us with your experiences, being vulnerable, which is not easy. And I'm celebrating for what's to come in your life. So with that being said, Nick, is there any final remarks that you want to say before we kind of wrap it up?

I think if there's a final remark or message to send out, that's really been a vital piece in my life recently, and I imagine it will be moving forward, is just remembering that finding your light, whatever that is, is on the other side of the things that you don't want to face. And there's this, this quote that I love. That quote is, that which you most need to find will be found where you least want to look. And so being able to, to dive into those, those aspects of yourself that you don't necessarily like, or you don't want to look at, or, you know, these, these parts of your life that you've been neglecting, you know, if you confront them, if you face them, and and shine a light on them, in my experience, your life gets a whole lot better.

Nick Lowry, guys. I'm gonna link Nick's Instagram down below as well, his— as well as his podcast. You guys can check them out. We thank you guys for tuning in to this episode. We pray that you guys got some value out of Nick's vulnerable experiences and that we were able to shed some light on the darker aspects of life that doesn't really get paid much attention to, but it— in Nick's words— it can definitely change your life for the better. So with that being said, guys, I pray that you all have a blessed rest of your morning, your day, your night, whatever time it may be for you guys. I love you all, and I will see you guys in the next episode. Peace.