5 Reasons You're Struggling to Reach Your Goals

Hello everyone and welcome back to the V Spot. I want to spend some time with you in this particular segment talking about your goals and why you might be having a hard time reaching those goals. So this has been coming up a lot in various coaching sessions And I wanted to introduce a couple of variables, couple of potential roadblocks to you that may resonate so that you're able to identify them and make some changes to start to make some serious headway. We are in the final quarter of 2022. You have several months to get some stuff done. And so I want to support you and set you up to win by shining the light on a few different reasons why you might be struggling. To get to your results. So the first reason, distractions. There are a lot of distractions out there right now, right? I don't know what it is for you. Maybe it's TV, right? Maybe it's Netflix marathons. Maybe it's social media scrolling and posting and rabbit hole dwelling. Um, maybe it's conversations on the phone. Maybe it's texting, emails. Shopping on the internet. It can be a million different things. What is it for you? What has you distracted? What has your focus? Where do you believe that you are spending a lot of your time? The reason this is so important to identify is because it looks very different for each of us, and oftentimes it may have you feeling like time is missing. Like, I don't know where the time went. Have you ever said that? I certainly have. I don't know where the time went. And what happens is we're spending time in a, in an automatic mode, right? We're not so present to what we're doing. We're distracted. We're not focused. And as a result, 1 hour can turn to however many. And before you know it, there's an experience of I don't know where the time went. But the time went to specific distractions. And so honing in on what those distractions are for you will absolutely support you in making headway towards your goals. So take an inventory, even if it— you track your daily habits for 2 or 3 days in a row. Create a note in your phone, take out a journal, and literally track what it is that you are doing hour by hour, right? And, um, create a running list. And at the end of a few days, identify what you're able to notice as a pattern. It will absolutely stand out for you what it is. I can tell you that several years ago, when I decided to tune into the daily happenings of my life, I recognized that I was spending a lot more time than I thought watching TV. Now, I was watching some really good shows, you all. I had, I had good taste in shows. I was watching some really great shows. But what I recognized when I took inventory over what I was doing is that there was hours that I was spending on a regular basis, sort of zoned out, you know, watching, binging these different television series. And wondering at the end of the days why I was struggling to get some things done that were— I was holding as very important to me. And so I made a choice several, several years ago, minimize my distractions, right? And so what that meant was minimize my time watching TV. And what it allowed was for me to be so productive in my goal getting. And so, um, identify your distractions, because likely they are taking up a lot of your time and impacting your ability to, to get the results you desire. The second way that you may be struggling, or the second reason you may be struggling to get to your goals, is fear. Now, fear is quite complex in that it comes in, it's packaged in all different shapes and sizes, all different types of fear, some much more obvious than others, right? We often hear about fear of failure, um, which is another story, but I think it gets all the love and doesn't even deserve it. Um, I'm gonna put on the table a different fear for the purpose of this example and outline fear of success. Now, fear of success is not something that many people, if they have that fear, have in their conscious mind. It's something that resides and is tucked away in the subconscious mind. And what it means is basically just that there's a fear of success. There may be a fear of knowing that if you are successful, it will require you to show up and be seen. It will require you to keep consistency and like have to do a lot of different things. And so it, on an unconscious unconscious level, if you don't want that responsibility, if that is like something that you don't want to have to rise to, you may be self-sabotaging your results. Again, all occurring on an unconscious level. You don't know any of this is happening. It's just happening at an automatic capacity. So getting clear on your particular fears and what they embody, what they mean, how they manifest to be, to impact your process, is exceptionally powerful. Because it will shine the light on some things that may not have light on them right now. And by identifying them, you'll be able to take your power back and move beyond the thing, right? So if we identify that there is a fear of success and we peel back the layers and really look at, well, what does it mean? What is there really fear around? And you're able to revoke your— like, take your power back fear of success will not be an obstacle that will be standing in between you and your goals, and you'll be able to move forward powerfully, right? So fear is another common obstacle to getting to your goals, okay? And knowing what your fears are will absolutely support you in winning. The third thing, that third obstacle that may be standing in the way of you and your goals is your knowing. You know it all. You know it all. You have it all figured out. You're not open to hearing a damn thing. You're not open to learning a new strategy. If somebody tries to give you something, you're gonna— I know that. No, I got it. I did it. I tried it, right? You're blocking out your blessings by knowing it all. So the invitation here is to recognize that You do not know it all. Neither do I. Neither does anyone, right? We are— as long as we are alive, there is learning to be done. There's better, more effective ways to try. There's more useful and effective information to receive. But if you are a space of like this because you have it all figured out and you know exactly who you are right now, you know exactly who you are. You're not going to allow anything in. And it is that knowing that is standing between you and your success, because you're so committed to being right and you're so committed to having all of the information, you know, your way, that you don't have the results that you want. But the ego is a little bit big and inflated and won't allow for you to stay open to receiving. And so this is really a humble call to action Listen, you're not in reaction to whoever it is that made you feel like you had to know and have the answers, right? Those situations are behind you. And where you're looking to go is going to warrant you to be open and willing to try some new things on. Now, maybe you get to be cautious and selective about who you're willing to let into your inner circle. To share some ideas and input and feedback, right? I'm not suggesting you just take it from wherever, but the point is to be open to receiving new information, new strategies, new techniques, new ways, new opinions, right, that could forward you because your knowing is blocking out the possibilities. So be open because the knowing is not going to serve you. I'm going to leave that one there. Okay. The fourth way that— I keep saying way— the fourth reason or obstacle that you may be experiencing pertaining to getting to your results is your mental health. Your mental health. So I can't emphasize this one enough because it's 2022 and I'm still baffled and shocked and surprised by how many people, even people who are in positions of supporting others by way of coaching and mental health services, who are resistant to receiving support around mental health. And listen, nothing has to necessarily be wrong for you to be open to receiving mental health support. Having a counselor or having a therapist, having a, you know, a coach hold space for you doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. It actually means that everything is right about you. And whether you're experiencing an obstacle in life and you want to lean on somebody and like share out where you are, or you're just totally being proactive about the fact that in 2022, as a human being, life is quite layered and we've been through so many things that having a person in place is advantageous to your process. It's supportive. So your mental health may be a roadblock to where you're looking to go, because if you're not at all putting anything in place to support your emotional and mental wellness, you may be experiencing some symptoms of whatever the thing is. Maybe it's depression, maybe it's generalized anxiety, Maybe it's adjustment disorder because the whole world was just a mess and we went through so many different changes. I don't exactly know, but oftentimes mental health is a reason that you will struggle to get to where you wanna go if left unattended. And I've said this in other episodes and I'm gonna say it again, you do not think twice about going to see a medical doctor when something is wrong or when you are concerned about any sort of physical ailment. Well, most of you. Some of you are like not proactive about your wellness, and that's a whole nother conversation. But for the most part, you don't think twice about going to seek support for medical-related things. Why in 2022 are we resistant to seeking support when it comes to mental health and emotional wellness? And when I say mental health and emotional wellness, I'm talking about stress, I'm talking about overwhelm, I'm talking about, you know, the layers at which life is complex and difficult. I'm talking about the grand scale of loss and overwhelm that we experienced as a result of all the different events in the world in the last 3 years, right? There's been so many things All of those constitute high stress events. That's what I mean when I say tend to your mental health. Having someone to be able to unpack, wow, life was just really complex and it was overwhelming. There was so much loss. And loss is not just in the form of human life, right? People lost access to their routines, to their jobs, to their finances. People lost lives. So there's been so many layers. All of that constitutes high stress events, why not talk about it? Because here's the thing, not talking about it doesn't make it go away. It's just unexpressed emotion. And unexpressed emotion manifests in different ways. And so you may be struggling to get to your goals because you are unwilling to give attention to your human experience. And in 2022, I want to invite you to lean fully into the fact that you're human and grant yourself the opportunity to unpack some of the feelings that come by way of being a human being alive in this very moment in time. It doesn't mean that anything's wrong. The stigma is such bullshit, and it's so played out, but we have to be willing to address it and push back on it. Otherwise, people continue to suffer and don't have the things that they desire because mental health is a roadblock between where you are and where you're looking to go. So from a proactive standpoint, do something about it and you'll get closer to your goals. The fifth way— that, uh, fifth reason, fifth obstacle that you may be struggling to get to your goals is because you are so focused on what other people are doing about theirs. You're in full judgment, or you are mesmerized by what other people are doing. You're watching what other people are up to. You're criticizing what other people are up to. You're potentially in your throne of judgment, right, around other people's processes that you've stopped looking at your own, and you haven't given time to What is it that I want? Where is it that I want to go? What do I want to accomplish? Right? That conversation has stopped because you are immersed in the process of other people and what they are up to. And what I want to invite you to do is to interrupt that cycle. It's great what other people are doing. I love to root people on and really cheer for people from the sidelines. And I want to also focus on where I'm looking to go. So you want to create space for both to be happening. But if you're recognizing that there's an imbalance and you're really looking at what others are doing, adjust and get back into where it is that you want to go, right? So I heard this, um, I talked about it before, this call to action, if you will. I don't know what to call it, but basically, um, I was listening to a podcast. And shout out to Jesse Lee, The People's Mentor. And she posed this idea, this notion of— she asked the question, do you know what 168 represents? Do you know what 168 represents? I didn't know. This was about 2 in the morning one night. I was lying in bed listening to the podcast, The People's Mentor. And this question gets asked, do you know what 168 represents? And I'm like, No. And so she says 168 represents how many hours there are in a week. So I was like, wow. So she says, I want you to think about this. If I were to tell you that this next 168 hours that are coming up for you are your last 168 hours, how would you spend your time? What would you want to do? Who would you want to see? Where would you want to go? What food would you want to eat? What would it look like? What would your 168 look like? And so she's encouraging us to be, you know, reflective and think about. And I'm having all these flashes occur in my head, like, wow, I would want to go here, I would want to see this one, I would want to spend time with my family, I would want to talk to so-and-so, all these things. And I'm, you know, writing, writing at this point. And she says, the next thing is, how do you know that the next 168 isn't the final 168? Why are you waiting to do everything that you just identified? I sat up in my bed, you all. I was just like, whoa, you really don't know when you are going to be met with your 168. Right, and so I'm telling you this in this particular moment because I believe that it closely equates to the conversation of getting clear on what you want and doing those things. Don't be so concerned or caught up with what other people are doing. Focus on you, right? Get clear on those $168,000. How would you spend it? Are you living your life in that way right now? Because you all, you know, we're not going to get this like, hey, just so you know, it's the final 168, you know what I mean? And it's not for us to live in a space of fear or reaction. It's a wake-up call, you know. Are you doing the things you desire to do? Are you living the life you dream of living? And if the answer is no, there's an opportunity to adjust. Tweak accordingly, tweak accordingly. And in this conversation of you're not getting to your goals because you're so busy looking at what other people are doing, I want to invite you to recognize this piece. Yeah, it's great to cheer people on or see what's up or have, you know, know what's going on in the world and wonderful stuff. What about you? And you may not be getting to your goals because you're not giving them as much attention as you're giving to other people. You're not giving your goals as much attention as you're giving to, like, I don't know, the Kardashians and all this other stuff. What has your attention? And the invitation is to, like, get off of the automatic mode and be willing to tune into your life in a way that has you fully assess, am I making— like, where am I? What do I want to experience? What if— what would the 168 look like? Am I doing those things? Am I calling those people? Am I eating those foods? Am I visiting those places? If not, when can I schedule it? When am I going to do it? It's an opportunity to really tweak your, your daily life to reflect what's important to you. So it's an empowering perspective, right? Not a fearful, disempowering one. But I have found absolutely, when I check into my own process and when I'm in coaching sessions with clients, that those are 5 very common reasons why you may not be getting to your results. And so if you take the opportunity right now to tune in and really recognize what are your distractions, identify your fears, let go of this idea that you know it all. You don't. None of us do. Um, be with this conversation around mental health. Take care of your emotional and mental health. Plug some things into place from a proactive standpoint Or right now, it would not be off the charts to say that it's reactionary based on how the last 3 years have gone. Give your mental health the attention it deserves and focus less on what other people are doing and tune into what it is that you want to create for your life. And I promise, and I bet, that in no time, if you are willing and commit to looking at those 5 areas your results will absolutely reflect your effort and your attention. So it's my hope that you are going to get closer and closer to all of your dreams, all of your vision, all of your goals. And if you want and need support, want somebody to journey alongside you, absolutely reach out and we can journey together. I always say it's better when we are together. And until we meet again for the next episode of the V Spot, thank you for being here with me for this episode. To be continued.