All Heart. All Love!

Hello everybody and welcome to The V Spot. I'm your host, Andrea Mancuso, founder and CEO of Intentional Healing and Wellness. I created this podcast because I believe vulnerability is our true superpower, and I want to promote a safe space where we can come together and engage in conscious and courageous conversations to encourage individual and collective healing. In the V Spot, we will choose courage over comfort as we speak our truth and pave the way for others to do the same. For each episode, we will unite in empathy and embrace our superpower as we spend quality time together here in the V Spot. Thank you for tuning in. Hello, everyone. I'm beyond excited for today's incredible guest. Angelisa Green is an intuitive love strategist, a courage cultivator, and a luminary leader. Also known as the All Heart Coach, Angelisa's insight and wisdom is both unique and profound. Angelisa, thank you for joining me in the V Spot.

Hi. I'm so excited to be here.

Thank you. Thank you. I am so— did I mention that I'm excited to have you here?

By the way, the V Spot, super cute, by the way. I'm like obsessed because, you know, it sounds really like— it sounds like kind of sassy and kind of sexy, and then it's like, oh, the V is for vulnerability. Yeah. Okay.

Yes, exactly that. So mission accomplished, because when I was thinking about the name for the podcast, I was like, well, that— this really alludes do a lot of different things.

Brilliant.

Thank you, thank you.

I'm—

well, I'm super excited, and it's been far too long. And so we— let's jump right in because there's so much that I want to ask of you and have you share yourself. So, um, talk to us. What does it mean to be an intuitive love strategist and a courage cultivator? Tell us more about the work that you do.

Yeah, so it's pretty, um, interesting because whenever, whenever people ask me me, oh, you know, what do you do or whatever? It's like, and I, and I find that most coaches who kind of work the way I do struggle with this too, right? Like trying to figure out like, how do I, how do I assign an adjective or descriptive word to the process I do when it's, it feels so incredibly organic. So, you know, as an intuitive love strategist or love coach, which is what most people just choose to call me, I really, when I work mostly with women, I have worked with men and men continue to ask me to create programs for them. So that's probably, you know, in the stratosphere for the next year, hopefully. But I work mostly with incredible, powerful, amazing, beautiful women. And it really is a descriptor of the way that I work, right? So there are certain, you know, for lack of better words, spiritual gifts or just intuitive gifts that I have that I realized after a couple of years doing this work were really the kind of cornerstone of what was occurring when I was talking to my clients and to the people that I was guiding. So for me, it's really about listening. It's about listening. So intuition and spiritual gifting is truly about having that ongoing trust and connection with God to really check in and know and trust that what I'm feeling when I'm speaking to someone, what I'm hearing when I'm speaking to them. And when I say hearing, I really mean hearing not just with my ears, right? Because especially in coaching, there's what's being said, right, which is what the client knows that they know or thinks that they know, right? And then there's all the things that are not being said. So oftentimes when, you know, being an intuitive love coach, being a love strategist and a courage cultivator for me is about kind of hearing into the nooks and crannies and pockets, energetically speaking, emotionally speaking, even psychologically speaking, when I'm connecting with someone and feeling, truly feeling into those areas that they're not even really talking about, right? They're not talking about it. And for me, that shows up in a lot of different ways. Sometimes it'll be sensations in my body. Sometimes it will be like an actual literal vision in my mind. Like I will see something that the person completely, it seems completely unrelated to what they're talking about.. And I get to have the trust and the courage, right, to lean into that, to ask about it, to say, hey, this is what I'm feeling. This is what I'm hearing. I'm not attached to being right about this, you know, but you let me know if we're on track somewhere. Right. And, and that tends to be how I work with people. So there is some structure always, right? Because structure just allows me to kind of play and be free. There's some things I don't have to think about, but most of my work is super organic, right? I, I plan things and then, and then the gifts take over, right? The client takes over. And I really say it's like so not about me. It's so interesting because it's like, it really is. I can only tune into what the person I'm speaking with, um, is prepared to handle, is prepared to deal with, wants to speak about. Because I don't know, you know, I'm sure you've had this experience on your podcast where it's like, sometimes we go in thinking we're going to talk about one thing and then something completely different is what comes out. Because I truly, I truly believe that at the core, we are all trying to reveal ourselves all the time. You know, I truly believe that, you know, the V Spot is perfect for this because like, In a world that's so full of masking, right, in a lot of different ways, and everyone trying to kind of like figure themselves out and conform to some kind of standard, I feel like a lot of the unhealthiness in the world, right, mentally, emotionally, physically, has a lot to do with the fact that we are kind of dying to break free and, and really reveal ourselves to the people in our life and the people around us. So literally 99.9% of my work I think truly revolves around giving people the insights and the tools. I mean, not even my insights, it's just their own insights, really. I call myself pretty much like a mirror. I'm just like a talking mirror because I can talk all day long, but I'm truly just tuning into what is available to the person I'm speaking to, right? Because if I can feel it, it's because they're bringing it into the space. And if they're the ones that are bringing it into the space, and I can mirror it back to them, that they can see it, they can feel it, they can experience it. And to me, that is what transformation is, right? Once I experience myself, right? Like, once I experience myself as loving and vulnerable, which most people do, you know, on my calls, on my Zooms, whatever, they'll go from being— and I'm sure, you know, you've experienced it, you've seen it where, you know, you come in and you think, oh, I'm tough, I'm a tough cookie, I'm hard, I'm this. And then with a couple of minutes, they're softened, they're crying, they're right. They're releasing, they're letting go, they're forgiving. And once I experienced myself that way, I can't really go back to pretending that that's not who I am. Right. Like I can, but it's going to be a lot more uncomfortable than it was before I had that experience. And discomfort is oftentimes what changes us. So you know, a courage cultivator. I really feel like at the core of it, my work is truly right. I just chose the lane of love and intimate relationships because I truly believe it's kind of the fastest route to transformation if we really lean into it. But, you know, for me, love coaching, courage, self-expression, authenticity, vulnerability, All those things come down to how vulnerable am I willing to be, right? How authentic am I willing to be? And at the core of that is how courageous am I willing to be to be fully expressed? And what does that look like in my life, in action, right? With my friends, with my family, and in the case of my work, like with my significant other, or even just the people I'm dating, right? Or if I know I don't want a relationship right now, but I want to get experience or enjoy myself or, you know, just meet new people, right? All those things matter. And, you know, we, we could talk about dating forever. Oh yeah. Whenever someone says to me, I hate dating, I go, okay, great. So there's work to be done here on where you're unwilling to really be your full self. And then the next step after that is let me be my full self, but now let me share that. And when we feel courageous and abundant in all the goodness that we are, it is impossible not to share it, right? Because I'm like, I would be home alone all day being like, oh my God, but I'm amazing. How dare I?

Right, like, right, exactly. Because then it's withholding, right?

Then it's the withholding with other people.

Yeah, exactly. But you hit on so many key things about revealing ourselves, you know, about having the trust and the courage and the vulnerability at our core to, um, not only be ourselves but then share ourselves. And what I love about the work that you do is you highlighted this aspect aspect of, you know, a lot of it being intuitive, right? And you really receiving messages, whether it's physically in your body or visually. But I think it speaks so much to the type of space that you not only create but then hold for all of your clients. Because as someone who entered the space, you know, guarded and feeling like, you know, my walls were up and having my own story around how I was unwilling to share of myself. The way in which you work is not only different, but it really allows for clients to break down the walls in real time and just be, you know. And that's an epic— yeah, a beautiful blessing. And, um, for anyone who is feeling like they're in a space of having walls up call to action is to be— is to share space with Angelisa because, you know, the walls quickly come down. So I just want to shout you out in this moment.

Thank you, Mama. I really— I, I closed my eyes while you were sharing and just, um, practicing taking that all in. Thank you so much. Yeah, thank you, thank you so much. It's a really— like, like, I, you know, I always say it, and I, I promise it's not like false humility. Oh my God, thank you. But it really is like it really truly, and I think, you know, I've met a couple of people who are truly, truly gifted and I've had that experience that, you know, that you and other incredible women I've worked with have mirrored back to me, right? And so I've experienced that as well. And it's just, it's humbling, I think, for me every day to know that people are willing to show up for their life, right? And when it's so scary to do this work and it is, right? It feels terrifying. And in some ways it's like it happens. I actually think I said this to you at one point. It was like, especially in the very beginning when we're kind of ripping off that Band-Aid to kind of get into the wounds, right? And really fill them up with light and with glitter. So we can start shining. But like, it's, it's a grieving, right? When we are— totally— when we are healing, I truly feel like the first part of healing starts with grieving. And it's, it's letting go of so many things, right? Yeah. And that part— oh, absolutely right. Like, letting go of who we think, who we think we are, who we think we've been, and even the identity we've been holding on to that doesn't serve us, that doesn't feel good anymore. And we're just kind of dying to break out. And that's usually how how people find me is that, you know, they're just— they're ready to be done with it. But it is a painful process. So for me, I'm just always super humbled that people choose to do that super scary work with me and allow me to kind of share space with them and really like— and really let me in. And, you know, that's probably because I'm doing that all the time. I'm doing that all the time. I'm always scared. I'm always scared, you know? And it's— exactly. And I think exactly, people, right? We resonate. Resonate. People I think know. And if, and if, if you're some guru on some podium that's just out there yonder, it's, you know, you might, you might have success, sure. But, um, but I think, yeah, what I get to have with, with my, with my clients and my ladies specifically is just, it's, it's really special. And, and I know, like, I know, like, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I could not— my gift would not activate if the person wasn't showing up ready to play ball, wasn't showing up ready to shed, wasn't showing up ready to break free. And so for me, it's like as soon as I feel the gifts kind of activate, I'm like, okay, we're on for the ride. Yeah, we don't know where we're going, but it's just— I know that you're guiding it, that the person's guiding it. So then when, you know, when you get to kind of mirror that love back to me and that appreciation, I do my best to, to take it in because it truly, you know, it doesn't feel like it's me. It's such a weird thing to say, but like, it doesn't feel like it's me. And at the same time, you know, I'm learning to acknowledge that, like, I'm showing up too. And, and, and that does get to be acknowledged. So I'm super— I'm grateful for you. And thank you so much for saying that. I really appreciate that.

You're welcome. Thank you. Well, it's been said that people often create the businesses that they need. I'm wondering, is that, is that true for you? And would you mind sharing about how you got into this work that you're currently—

Yeah, I would love, I would love to. Um, I think that that is most likely 95% true for sure. Okay. I think people, um, oftentimes I feel like we're always thinking about I mean, I guess I can't speak for everyone, but people like me, people like me who are crazy enough to start businesses, right? We're always kind of— we're always thinking about our what's next. We're always thinking about, well, what's the next level for me, right? What's the next level of joy? What's the next level of freedom? What's the next level of expression? What's the next level of madness, right? Because having a business is maddening. It's crazy, you know, especially if you like walk away from everything, all the security you've already had, whether it's a job, a career, or whatever. When you kind of go all in with yourself in that way, I think at the core of it, it's because there's something you believe in, right? Starting a business is such an incredible act of faith. It's such an incredible act of faith. And like, even most businesses fail, right? Businesses fail all the time. And it's like, even if it fails, The belief and the faith was real, right? And is real. And which is why most entrepreneurs and most, most business owners that, you know, we know will have— will go through multiple businesses over their lifetime. And, you know, they might hit it in 10 years or 15 years, but they kind of don't stop because you just keep going because there's a belief you have, right? So for some people, I think, you know, we create the businesses that just makes sense, right? Like, they just make sense to who we are, right? Some of them, you know, like for me, this just made sense at the time. I had been a heart coach, became official. I left my job officially at the beginning of 2014. And was it 2014 or 2013? Oh my gosh. It's like Girl, it was one of those two, right? It might have been 13. I'll have to do the math. But, um, so, you know, for me it just made sense. I'd been coaching already, um, by that point about 5 or 6 years, mostly on a, you know, volunteer basis. Every so often somebody would, would hire me or ask to work with me more, or etc. But I'd really been doing— I had become a passion and a love for me you know, just since I stepped foot into personal development and had my own first breakthroughs, right, with, with where you and I met, Momentum Education. So shout out to Momentum, which really was the foundation for me, even understanding what life coaching was and what personal development was. It has really shaped like the course of my life. So for me, it just— one, I I knew for a long time it had been—

it had—

it was kind of in the back of my mind becoming a calling. And, um, and, and I, I realized that I was coaching everywhere I worked anyway.

Yeah, yeah, exactly right.

Like, I worked— exactly. I worked in HR for a while, and, um, a couple of years, that's where I was building my career. Um, and I like started as a receptionist and at the company I was at. And then I literally, you know, got noticed by the VP of HR and she started kind of giving me HR work. And that's literally how I kind of like fell into HR. And I was running meetings, but they became like inspirational meetings, you know? And the company was going through a bunch of stuff. And I was like, I was like the, literally the receptionist a couple months before. And now I'm like presenting the CEO and like doing, you know, And now I'm doing trainings, but even in the training, like, it just worked, right? I couldn't hide my love of people and I couldn't hide my love of making people feel seen and loved and accepted. And also just for me, I think it's just, it's a very authentic, I want us all to to feel not just like, no, right, but just to feel that this life is worth it. And for me, having life be worth it means like really just going for it, right? And encouraging people and being an encourager. And that was showing up everywhere in my life. So when I knew that, that I didn't really want to be in a 9-to-5 kind of space, I felt annoyed every morning at having to wear clothing that I, that I had to wear to work, you know, et cetera, et cetera. Yeah. I had already, you know, the entrepreneurial bug had kind of started biting me and I, you know, I dabbled in a bunch of different things and, and started, you know, creating different kinds of and just opening my mind to different ways of making income and, and having that whole journey before I really took the leap. So by the time I took the leap, I, I had kind of built already, not necessarily a following because I wasn't— it wasn't intentional, but there were already people in my network, in my world, who saw me as an authority on some things. Um, and I think that's just because I have a big old mouth and, and I, and I used it all the time. So, you know, I had been through my own incredible transformational love journey. Um, was single the first 25 years of my life had zero interest for a relationship, for love, for anything. Like, I was watching my friends, my sister, like, going through all their heartbreak and all their dramas. And I was like, I'm going to go study across the world. I'm going to— yeah, I'm going to go live in Italy for a year, you know, and cook. I'm actually a chef by trade. I did that in my— in my— oh, wow. Yeah. Food is my first love. Food is my first love. And to me, it actually, when you know me, like in a bigger sense, it makes sense because it's just another way for me to express love. And yeah, and I'm Dominican, so food is a big part of our, you know, of our life and the way that we just communicate love and care and affection and nurturing. So food was my first love. And I, you know, I had no room in my life or so, you know, I thought, for love and intimacy and all that stuff. And when I truly decided, oh, I am— I'm going to stay alone if I don't look at this, I realized in all of my success that I was having in my life and my career, there was no one for me to really share it with. And, and I had a freak accident. I had a freak accident where I broke my ankle and my mom pretty much had to take care of me for 4 months. And I couldn't walk for 4 months, literally. And something happens to you when you can't leave your house really for 4 months. I don't know if any of your listeners have had that experience. But that was, you know, for me, that was like my come to Jesus moment. I had been, I mean, rocking everywhere and have kind of that downtime. And it really kind of made me look at some things. And I decided as soon as I can walk again, as soon as I'm out of this boot, my booty is getting some new clothes, is getting a haircut.

Doing the thing.

Yeah, and I'm going to throw myself into this thing. And I declared 2012 my year of love. I literally called all my friends and I said, listen, y'all. You're not going to see me. You're not going to hear from me because I'm going 100% in on this. And I think everyone in my life knew, uh-oh, the way that she goes in on anything, you know? Yeah, like it's about to be real. Everything else, you know, because for me it's just about once I make the decision, you know, it's done. So it's just about deciding for me. Yeah. So that was at the very beginning of 2012. I— that boot came off my foot in February and by September I met the love of my life, who we've now been married 2 years and been together 9 years. And yeah, and it's just been a journey. So, you know, me kind of already having the foundation of coaching, already loving coaching well before, right? I pretty much coached myself through my own love journey. Yeah, I had, you know, and had, and had my people who I trust for amazing coaches support me as well. And once I have that transformation, I'm a very methodical thinker. I can be super abstract and very feely and intuitive. But once kind of my analytical mind kicks in, I'm very methodical. And that's where kind of the love strategist piece comes in because I realized, wait a second, all the advice I'm giving my friends based on my family members, based on what I've learned in this journey, they're duplicating my results. And they are, right? Like, and they're having a sim— they're having similar experiences and they're seeing similar patterning based on the insights that I'm sharing with them. And that's really when, when my mind started to kind of conceptualize this business and I realized, wait a second, is this a thing?

Yeah, it's—

oh, it's such—

it's, you know, it's such a thing. And again, so many good things in there. And, you know, I mean, first, I, I— what I was like envisioning, actually, I was getting a vision of like the luminary leader rising, you know, through your journey. And that, that was just like a beautiful, uh, image to capture. Because in the essence of thinking about love being like the most vulnerable act, right, because it's full of risk, it's full of uncertainty. The emotional exposure is there. Um, to hear you sort of speak about rising and ultimately coaching yourself through the journey that you bring so many other people on, you know, and, and leading to your own love story, right? It's just, it's such a beautiful, uh, share. And thankfully, yeah, when you ask yourself, is this a thing Your answer was yes, it is.

And so let me actually create the space for all the people. If anyone has that question inside of them, like, you know, if you feel, because you can feel it, right? There's like a, you know, before V Spot existed, right? I'm sure you had that conversation with yourself many times where you was like, wait a second, did I just hit on something? Is this, is this a thing? And for me, that question is, is this a thing? Is like if we like look behind the veil, if we really tap into God like for a second, and he's like, yeah, it already exists. Go bring it. Go bring it forth into the world. That's usually, you know, every time I've had that kind of prod that goes, is this a thing? Yeah, it's already a thing. And it wants to be a thing. It's already a thing. Yep. And it wants to be a thing. To be manifested, and it wants to be given a 3D form. So then it's just up to us to kind of courageously take that on and figure out what that gets to look like. But yeah.

Totally. And I would say to anybody, is this a thing?

Exactly.

That should be a shirt. And I say to anybody listening, if you ask yourself the question, is this a thing, and at any point find yourself thinking, well, You know, there are other things, like think about podcasts. There are so many other podcasts. Yeah, but there's not another podcast that you are doing. So I'm just using the podcast as an example. But if you're listening and you have been having that, like, question asked of yourself, is this a thing? And whatever it is that you have on your heart, the answer is yes. And even if it's being done, it's not being done by you yet. So, so do that. So do the thing.

Right?

Look at like Angelisa's results. Do the thing, do the thing. So Angelisa, you speak a lot about, you know, the masculine and feminine energies in your work. Can you share about why you believe that understanding these energies creates an ease in attraction?

Sure. So we live in a universe of balance, right? Like we live Like, and we know this because when things are out of balance, they feel bad, right? Yeah. Like when things are— we know when things are out of balance because they don't feel right. They don't feel right. They don't flow. They don't feel good. There's push and pull and not in a fun way, right? There's, there's like, there's strife. Things get stuck. Your ideas are stuck. Your energy's stuck. Stuck. There's conflict, there's chaos, right? And we wouldn't know anything about that on planet Earth, right?

Um, not at all, not at all.

I don't know these words you speak of, you know. So we live in, we live in a universe of balance, and we see it in nature all the time. Um, it's biblical, it's right from— we know this. So pretty much I think everyone can agree on that. We live in a universe that seeks balance. Um, so if everything in nature seeks balance, right, there's a death cycle and a life cycle. There's, right, a moment to, to awake and thrive, and there's a moment to rest and sleep, right? If everything is cyclical and everything is seeking balance, then why wouldn't we seek balance? Why wouldn't our relationships seek balance? So this, this idea of the masculine and feminine really comes down to the aspects of our personality. You know, part of it is energetic. Some of it is psychological, right? Because there's even, even in psychology, right? So there's for anyone who's like a psychology geek or a relationship and psychology geek, if you look up attachment theory, which really is the basis of most psychology right now that's being practiced, right? Attachment theory and how we seek to balance ourselves, how we seek to get to a secure attachment, figuring out how do I love another while loving myself, right? How do I give to another but also give to myself? How do I receive from another, right? And also I give so that others can receive from me. So relationships to me are kind of the ultimate expression of balance in our life. Um, and oftentimes strife in relationships has to do with that lack of balance. So the masculine and the feminine, um, and the idea of this kind of divine, spiritual, emotional, energetic dance is really about the aspects of our personality that tend to take over depending on our circumstances when we're not aware of them, right? So oftentimes our circumstances will dictate what aspects of our energy, what aspects of our psychology kicks in. Now, most of us being human beings, if you've made it this far in your life, if you're in your 20s, your 30s, your 40s, and beyond, you've had a lot of experiences. You've had a lot of, of good ones, bad ones, and in-between ones, right? And all of these experiences have informed the way that you think, the way you react, and ultimately the way you protect yourself, right? Most of us— I say this all the time— like, human beings, more than anything, you know, we're always seeking to survive. And that includes— that includes our ego. That includes our ego, right? So this there's a way that we show up in relationships, um, that if you're not conscious to it and if you're not aware of it, you will be creating an environment that will then seek its balance. So if we're talking about men and women, um, and just for this example, I'm going to assume they're both like cis hetero people, right? Um, but for And for any of your listeners, this really spans the spectrum. It really doesn't matter. Like, you know, sexuality doesn't matter. Gender doesn't matter. Non-gender, you know, binary, non-binary, none of it, because we're all energy all the time anyway. And what we do and what we create is felt on an energetic level, no matter who we are. Yeah. But, you know, just for this example, between men and women, oftentimes, especially, you know, and girl, sidebar, I could literally go off on this for years. But you know, in society right now, we're having, there's so many different things that affect this. Societally speaking, women right now are doing more, being more, expressing more, creating more than they ever have in history. Right? So women are more free to be more and do more than we have ever been able to do historically speaking. Um, this creates for women specifically, which are the people I work with, a dynamic, which is exciting because we get to experience so much more of who we are. Right. And then also can create a really tough imbalance because we are then met trying to be in relationships with men. Um, but historically speaking, where men were the providers, the caretakers, the protectors, right? Which all tend to be what we have assigned as masculine energy, um, ways of being and showing up. We're now showing up in relationships where one, we don't really need men, quote unquote, to provide for us as far as like take care of us financially or make sure we survive, right? We don't need them to protect us, quote unquote, from like lions chasing us, right? They used to back in the day. Yeah. But there is still this biological, psychological, energetic desire that we as people in relationships want to give and receive and have the space to explore, right? So this idea of the masculine masculine and feminine doesn't really— it's not really about gender. Um, you know, you guys, whoever's listening, whoever's listening at this moment, it's not really about gender. It's really about the different aspects of who we are and how they're expressed. So the masculine energy, like I just described, right, is the part of you that is protective and forward-thinking and eye on the prize. And like I always say, like, if the masculine had a, had a, a saying, it would be can't stop, won't stop, right? It's just, it's just eye on the prize, go for it. And there's ways where all of us in our life, that energy really serves us, you know, in our careers, in, in, in, um, you know, in our finances, in, in anything that we need to create here in the 3D. Your masculine energy energy is really what's going to drive you. It's, it's the part of you that is, um, scared but will do it anyway, right? We're in fear, oh, but we gotta get the thing, right? Get the meat, kill the lion, you know, like bring it back home, bring home the bacon. So that's the energy. Yeah, it's that very— it's a, it's an aggressive energy, right? Um, it's an aggressive energy in the sense that it will charge into something and it's, it's kind of that jumpstart energy, right? It really is the energy that gives form. It gives actual tactile form. That's the way I want people to think about it. Like the masculine creates in real time, like you will see it. So oftentimes when I coach people and I coach women specifically, I'm like, yeah, no, like if the man isn't actually creating something for you, with you, you know, in your world, like we're not really paying attention to him, right? Like words are cute, action is better. Yeah, yeah, for sure. And oftentimes this is where we get really, we get really messed up because women, right? And the feminine energy is very different. While the masculine, I say, really lives in the head, that's like, it's, that's its, its playground is the mind. It's about being resourceful and effective and getting from point A to point B to point C, right? We're moving through the phases to bring the thing into being. The feminine is what inspires all of that, right? The feminine energy inspires all the doing. So it's like, it's like a locomotive, you know, or a choo-choo train without the the steam, if you don't have the feminine intact, the, the train can't really go, or it might go, but it's not going to go far, right? And at some point it's probably just going to break down, which is usually what happens to most of us. And specifically to the women I work with, they tend to be women who have gotten extremely used to and very effective at being in their masculine energy, but have been shoving aside their feminine energy. And there is this lack of balance, right? So the feminine energy is really about the heart space. If the masculine lives in the mind, the feminine lives in the heart. She lives in the body. It's about what feels right for me. What do I actually desire? What do I not desire? Which sometimes is just as, if not more important. What do I not want, what feels not in line with who I am. Um, and I want to make a sidebar there because it's not about what's comfortable. Yeah. What do I want and not want is, is not about what's comfortable or uncomfortable, y'all. So let me, let's be clear about that. It's right because oftentimes so much of what we want is super uncomfortable.

Yeah, that part. Say that again for the people in the back. Say that again for the people in the back.

Absolutely. Right? And there's a process to this, and there's a journey to it, which is why I have a job. But it's— because we don't go from one side to— you know, we don't go from A to Z in a day. But it's a process, and an unfolding, and an allowing. So with the feminine, it's really about getting back to what I like to call like our essence, right? It's getting back to our essence. For so many of us, the truth is, you know, and really we literally could talk about this forever. Um, for many of us, our essence was trapped, snuffed out, attempted to be killed, um, at a very, very young age. Yeah. Right. Most of us had our hearts broken at a very, very young age. Um, and from that moment on, right, we did what humans do, which is survive. And we figured out, okay, how do I lock up those desires? How do I lock up those wants? How do I lock up those needs? How do I push aside those boundaries? Because this hurts. Hurt, right? This really, really hurts, and I can't hurt this way and continue to live a life, right? And we— and most of us have had that experience so very young that we don't even realize we made that decision, right? We don't— absolutely. We don't even realize when we made that decision. We don't realize that we made the decision. So now we're adults and we have this quote-unquote identity. And the majority of us— and I mean, I see it every day, myself included, by the way, y'all, right? So many of us, our identity is completely built on what we don't want to experience.

Oh, totally, totally. I was just speaking about this recently where it's like sometimes, you know, I caught myself— questions would be asked about, you you know, what do you want? And, and my answers would always go to what I didn't want and becoming aware of that. Absolutely.

Yeah, absolutely. It's right. So, so kind of you can see why Courage Cultivator really is, I think, at the core of everything I do, because the very first kind of courageous thing you need to do on this journey is actually figure out, well, what is it that I actually want? And for a lot of people, that That question is terrifying because the, the, the first moment that they realize, wait, I don't always get what I want. And not only that, I might get what I don't want. And what I don't want feels horrible. And I feel like garbage. I feel useless. I feel disappointed. I feel unwanted. I feel unworthy. I feel right, not valuable, right? The first time most of us had that experience, that we internalized that belief, was so, so, so young. When we were— most of us, you know, if you made it to 5 or 6 before you had that thought, consider yourself extremely, extremely blessed, right? But most of us, by 5 or 6, 7, those first years we can start remembering we've had our first rejection. Most of us, it was a parent, right, or a caretaker. And if you made it through to 5, 6, 7 without a caretaker, that first kind of, like, phase of, of, uh, kind of psychology adolescence— like, if you made it to that first phase without one of your parents breaking your heart at any point, you know, consider yourself extremely blessed. But right behind them was going to come who, right? Your friends, your best friend, the person who turned on you, your first boyfriend, right? If you made it to high school without ever feeling rejected, Lord, I'd love to meet that person. They're probably— yeah, probably amazing, right? But then high school is going to have its own whole set of nonsense, right, to build that agenda. So for most of us, we don't even realize it, right? So much of our identity is built on what we don't want, what we don't want to have. And it— funnily enough, I've worked with— I've worked with so many incredibly successful people. And, and by successful, I just mean, right, like career success, professional success, financial success, etc. And, um, you know, and it's amazing to see how they literally, most of them, have built that despite the pain that they feel, right? And, and to spite it, right? Because it's like, okay, I never wanted to feel this way, so I worked really hard in school, which led me to work really hard in college, which led me to take on all the internships, which led me to this career, to— led me to go up the ladder at the corporate, and I'm the VP of this, right? And underneath all of that, it's like they're running on quicksand.

Yeah, no, totally. And you know what I'm thinking in this moment too? The work that's involved in taking time to be with what you actually want, not in reaction to all of the things that you just spoke of, but out pure desire for what your heart and mind and soul yearns for, you know, that in itself is, is a level of work that's, that's such worthwhile work, you know.

But oh, 100% nonetheless. Yeah. And it's the onion we spoke over, and it's— and it is a peeling back. And at the core of this onion, you know, truly is the essence of your feminine energy, which is really your divine energy. It's your heart energy. It's, it's your love energy. It's the joy that you have in the simple things, right? It's not about the grand gestures and the dates and all that stuff is super fun and it's like so great. But ultimately, you know what I'm gonna stand for, you know, and there's, Listen, guys, there's all kinds of love coaches and there's people on YouTube and the whole shebang. And there's people with programs every other day and whatever. And like, God bless, right? Everyone— there's a perspective for everyone. But I truly believe that, like, more than, oh, I want a boyfriend who's going to fly me around the world, right? Or, oh, I want a girlfriend who's going to cook for me every day and whatever we have our identity, quote unquote, has made up about what love looks like and what is— I mean, it's so funny. Like, so many people that I talk to come into thinking they have a certain vision of love and relationship. And by the time we finish our work, they're just like, oh my God, none of that fucking matters.

Yeah, exactly.

And I don't know if we exactly— yeah, yeah. It's like none of it matters at the end of the day. None of that, none of that matters. And you kind of know when you've gotten to, to a certain point that it's a thing, right? Because you realize, oh yeah, none of these things matter. I think at the end of the day in relationship, we all just want to look over at the person sitting next to us who's made a choice to be with us that day, right? Because people change that choice all the time, but who chose us that day. And we want to be able to look over at them and really admire who they are and admire the journey we've been on and admire that they're so imperfect and that they see how imperfect we are and that they still choose us and that we still choose them. And that it's, that it's about the work and it's about the journey and it's about expectation that things are going to be okay and that this person is going to be there to remind you that they're going to be okay when, when it all feels so not okay. You know, in these past 2 years, I think most of us can agree, you know, it's— this is what real life feels like, right? And real life didn't start when COVID hit, right? But it definitely threw us all into a shared experience of challenge all at the same time, right? And then turned up the heat. And most people I've spoken to in my work these past 2 years and truly all the time, this is really when you kind of— when you see why the work is so worth it. Because to go through this with someone who who's not right for you, with someone who doesn't choose you. I mean, you just, I can't wait to see the divorce rates from the past, you know, 18 months because it's just, you heard about it every other week, right? Even famous, famous rich people who couldn't make it work. Right. And it's like, and that's because, you know, when you're with someone who's not choosing you, life is exponentially harder and exponentially more painful. And, and really my work is about helping people who haven't been choosing themselves learn how to choose themselves, right?

Because, ah, so good.

Yeah. For us to really choose someone else and learn what that really means, what unconditional love really means, what unconditional grace really means, which for me is like modeling you know, what they call agape love. It's that love that like God love that says, you know, I am hideous. I am a human. I am full of all kinds of dark and twisty corners. And my thoughts can be real fucked up. And my mood swings can be legit. And I'm going to do my best and try my best to create something beautiful with the people I love. And, you know, for someone to, like, opt in for that ride, I mean, I think it's just the most beautiful thing. And for two people to do it together and say, like, you know, shake on it and say, all right, kid, to the end of the line, let's see where this goes. You know, to me, that's the most beautiful, romantic, beautiful thing. And, and the feminine energy, healing enough to tap into that, allowing yourself the space and the safety to have your desires again, to feel them in a visceral way, right? Like, not just in your mind where you have your kind of masculine warrior gatekeeper up there, like, to send him on a little vacation. Vacation where you can go get, get some rest so you can just be in your body, be in your heart, you know, really be in your essence. I think that's really the journey. That's the journey I take people on. You know, that's a very long-winded answer to like the masculine and feminine question. Um, but that's really what's, you know, that's really what's at stake here. That's the journey. And it's like we either just keep living in our minds in reaction and protected, like, sure, right? A lot of us— I heard something recently that I think the person who quoted it didn't know where it came from either, but it was— and one of my favorite coaches, Baron, I think he's Baron Artist on Facebook, posted about it. He said, you know, some of— oh, it was on Instagram. Instagram, I believe he posted it. He said, uh, you know, for some people, the boundaries have become prisons, right? The boundaries are not supposed to be prisons. Yeah. And it's, and it's really like, I loved that, um, you know, and we've all heard kind of some similar ways to say that about, um, you know, walls are sometimes walls are not so much to people out, but just to keep you in and it locks you up and it makes your life really, really small. Right. So a big part of the work I do. Oh, yeah. Part of the work I do, a lot of it is in boundaries because once we kind of learn boundaries, it's my sneaky way. I go, you know, we're going to go hardcore on boundaries and learn how to put them up because what I know to be true now, because I've lived it and I'm living it, is that the more clear your walls are, the sooner you can kind of have no walls.

Yeah, no, and, and that's the thing I was going to say. I love that because I was going to actually highlight, you know, when you were sharing about the energies, that talking about like based on our experiences, we have locked so many parts of ourselves up. And what I was going to highlight was, you know, working with you and this particular work is really about the unlocking of and what that, you know, allows for. And I think that that's an amazing process, one that each of us deserves to experience if we identify with that aspect of feeling like locked up and caged, you know, in the sense that we hide parts of us or keep ourselves safe, you know. So I, I, yeah, I love that. And, and to Baron's note, that was a post that I saw that I was like, yes, Yes, right, because one of the episodes— that was so good.

And the way he worded it, the way he worded it was perfect. It was like, you guys should definitely— he's one of our faves, you know, guys, check him out on Instagram, Baron Artist, I believe.

Yeah, but, um, yeah, it's so good. It was definitely— it was great. And it reminded me one of the episodes that I did, I don't know if it was episode 4 or 3, um, on the podcast, a solo episode entitled Armor and Isolation. And it really speaks about, like, you know, self-imprisonment and how I didn't even realize that that was what I chose for a very long time. And so when I saw Baron's post, I was like, yes, like, right, like, that was it, that was that, that experience. Um, but okay, so we're gonna move to the last question before we go to a speed round. And, and so for the last question, it's, um, you know, what would you offer to anyone who's listening, uh, who really desires romance, desires love, but at this moment in time is feeling overwhelmed about where to even begin, what would you— what would you say to them?

Oh, that's such a good question. Oh man, to the overwhelmed hearts out there listening, um, it's gonna sound probably incredibly simple, but we all know it's not. Um, my first offer is to get a really good night's sleep. Get a really good night's sleep. Most of us are super overwhelmed because we're not taking care of ourselves. Yeah, that's right. So I say, I say get a good night's sleep as a, as a catch-all for get in touch with your well-being in a way where you're able to take the very simple actions that you know you're avoiding or that you're just habitually bad at, right? Myself included. Included, um, and start dialing those in, right? So that's the very first thing. Listen, creating love, creating relationships, attracting a partner when you are falling apart is the worst time to attract someone. Oftentimes— and I know there's at least one person who will hear this who will be like, oh my God, that's me— um, attracting someone when you are like limping energetically, emotionally is a really good way to get into a toxic situation, right? Because what ends up happening when we're not well is we end up attracting someone who is also unwell. They might look well because they're very helpful and loving and giving and all these things, but that's how trauma bonds happen. That's how, um, you know, codependency gets formed. Like, you have the savior complex, right? All these things. So you want to make sure when you're going into love that you are healthy. Now, no one is going to be healthy 100%, of course not. But you want to be in a conversation of health. You want to be in a conversation. And let's be clear, I do not mean like, oh, I'm, you know, waist 24, blah, blah, whatever. I've lost 100 pounds, whatever. None of that. Literally none of that. That is relevant. Like, you know what's healthy for you, right? Everyone can be honest with themselves, and I know what's healthy for you. It's not so much about the results of the health. It's about the practice. It can take you a day to tap in to what balance feels like, or it can take you a year, right? I've had clients who it took them 2 to 3 years to get in true balance with themselves, and then they attracted someone who, like, they couldn't have even imagined. And then they say to me, this happens all the time, oh my God, had I attracted this person 2 or 3 months into us working together, I would have completely ruined it. And I'm like, yeah, I know.

Totally, right?

And I had clients who literally within 8 weeks of hopping on the phone with me attract someone because they were just right. They weren't as off balance. They weren't— their life had less things to kind of put in order. So if you're feeling any kind of overwhelm in any part of your area, check in on the basics. Am I eating enough? Is my blood sugar stable throughout the day? Am I sleeping enough? This is going to make a huge difference in how you feel about yourself, for starters, right? So, like, and that's my first thing, is take care of the basics. How are you sleeping? How are you eating? How are you taking care of yourself? If you don't have those things dialed in, and again, I want to be clear, not— I'm not talking about a diet. I'm not talking about strenuous exercise or joining a bootcamp. I don't care about any of that crap. And you know this. You know this. I always say that none of that is relevant. But are you in integrity with balance and taking care of yourself? It doesn't have to take a long time. Like I said, you could be doing it for 2 days. And feel ready to rock, go for it. But take care of yourself. Get out of overwhelm. If love itself feels overwhelming, if you've looked at your life and you say, no, Ange, you know, I get good sleep. My life, my work life is balanced. You know, my life-work balance is good. You know, I have a fitness regimen that makes me feel good. If you have all those things handled, and you feel good in your body and, and, and XYZ, and then the idea of love overwhelms you, then that would be the time for you to reach out to a coach. Yeah, yeah, reach out to a coach, explore therapy if you know you have trauma, if you know you have, um, an emotional, psychological psychological, you know, traumatic experience, you, you know, you haven't worked through or haven't processed. A lot of us want to believe that we can bypass that stuff and have our happily ever after.

And, um, intentional healing and wellness.

And some people— serious, I'm not saying it's impossible. Yeah, but what I'm telling people is that I've coached people who have had their quote-unquote happily ever after without doing the healing, and then usually within a couple of years that whole dream falls apart. Yeah, right. And then the divorce comes, and then the breakdown comes, and then the mental breakdown comes, and then the emotional breakdown comes. And then that's usually when they find me, when the person has already left their, their life, the love has gone sour, the love has gone bitter, and now they feel helpless about love, right? So if you haven't had that experience yet, don't wait to have that experience, right? Be proactive about it now. Work with someone who can help you kind of go into those dark corners together. Whether it's, you know, a therapist, whether it's a coach, a love coach, a spiritual coach, whatever it is that you need, get support. Um, it's honestly, it's one of the most important things, I think, because for so many of us who struggle with love, um, and so many of us women specifically who are super in our masculine energy, our biggest, biggest, biggest crux is that we do not know. It does not feel safe inside of ourselves to let anyone support us. So just the act, right? Just the act of asking for help, of letting someone hold space for you, of letting someone hold you is revolutionary to your identity. So automatically your identity as this kind of like masculine solo rider person automatically starts to change the moment you allow someone else in who is specifically designed to love on you, to support you, to guide you, to hold your hand. That truly mimics the healing that we need because so much of what is hurting for us began when we expected someone to be there for us and they weren't. Yeah. So by— right. So by— it's why the healing is so exponential. Yeah, it's so exponential when we invite someone else into it and have them, someone who we trust, someone who has experience with what we're experiencing, whether they've gone through it or not, they can empathize in a way that is, you know, that's more than just like, okay, that's sad that that happened to you. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Right. Can really traverse those dark corners with us. It is— it makes all the difference. So I know that was another— I think it's great. Take care of your mental and your physical, and then after that, absolutely get support. Or for the emotional.

Yeah, so I hear it as, you know, for anyone out there who's listening and wants to experience, you know, romantic partnership in a way that they never have, and love and all those good things, the road begins with a good night's rest, self-care, healing work, you know, and ultimately the rest sort of comes naturally. 100%. I love that. I love that. All right, all right. So I know we can talk forever and ever and ever and ever because we have lots of good things to, uh, to share. But, um, for the, for the purpose of, you know, wrapping up here, we'll move into the final segment, which is what I call a speed round, the Forwarding Four. So I will ask you 4 questions. You will answer with the— you'll answer quickly with the first thing that comes to your mind, knowing that there's no right or wrong answer. You're just going with the first intuitive response.

Sound good?

Yes. Okay. All right. So number 1, what's one thing you learned about yourself during the pandemic?

Um, that I am exponentially stronger than than I ever knew.

Hmm, great. Number 2: What does cultivating courage look like for you right now?

For me, it is starting and launching, which I'm literally in the process of doing, a second business. All right, all right. And it's terrifying. And it's a culinary style business. So it's going back to my first love, which is very scary.

That's exciting. I can't wait to hear more about it. All right, all right. Number 3, name one area of your life where you are intentionally healing.

That's— wow. That one caught me because I'm just like, all of it? Like everything? All of it? I would say, I guess my physical and mental health. I was diagnosed this year with ADHD, which has affected my entire life since childhood. And that is a place But I started medication this year. And I'm extremely intentional about healing my mind so that I can continue to be everything that I want to be.

Yeah, thank you. Thank you for sharing that. Number 4, as the all-heart coach, what's your call to action to everyone listening?

My call to action is go find someone who means so much to you, who you haven't told them they mean so much to you, and go do that. I love that.

All right, we have work to do, we have work to do.

Go create. Listen, the best way to create love is to go be love. It's the fastest— it's the fastest way.

So go be loved. I love it. Go be loved. Well, Angelisa, thank you for joining me in the V Spot. Uh, where can folks find you and what can they expect to, to hear about coming in 2022?

Oh my gosh, there's so much in 2022. You can find me at allheartcoach.com. Or you can email me at angelisa@allheartcoach.com. Um, we have— so I've been— these last 2 years of COVID craziness, we've been— I've been on what I've called a coaching sabbatical, quote unquote. I've been coaching, but mostly my recurring clients. I haven't taken on really new clients almost in 2 years. So we're just ramping up for that now. So 2022, we're kind of bringing it in with renewed, refreshed, rejuvenated energy. So if you're seeking one-on-one coaching, now is a good time to reach out to me. We definitely have programs that are already being created and outlined. So, you know, I do small group work, I do one-on-one work. You know, me and Dre, we're like, we're just, we're flowing where the hearts want to go. So exactly, if you reach out to me, I can definitely, you know, keep people in the loop. And if you're seeking a coach, you know, I'm your girl and I am officially reopening in January to new clients. So now would be the time. Amazing.

And then, and then a new business that we'll eventually hear about soon.

And a new business. Listen, you know what? I'm going to say it here because by the time you, by the time you drop this, it will, it will already be in existence because it actually will be launching between today and tomorrow. Amazing. It's actually a cake business. I'm a cake artist officially now. So Angelly Cakes— exciting— Angelly Cakes is the, is the name. So angellycakes.com will be up and running by the time your podcast is out. So, you know, if you need in the tri-state area, you need a beautiful, amazing, gorgeous, delicious cake for any occasion, I am, I am your girl.

Amazing. Looking forward, looking forward.

Always good. And you're the first one to think about it.

You're the first one. Thank you. I'm so excited. I'm excited. Thank you so much. I'm, I'm grateful for your time. I, you know, appreciate you for so many reasons. It would, you know, be irresponsible to attempt to tell you why, all of them in this particular moment. But I, I'm grateful. Thank you so much for gracing the space, you you know, with your gifts. I am looking forward to all things that you will be delivering in 2022. As always, I love you, I appreciate you, and you know, I can't wait to, uh, go on the next part of the journey alongside. And to everybody, thank you for tuning in to this episode of The V Spot. To be continued. Thank you for spending quality time with me here in the V Spot. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, write a review, and tell a friend to tell a friend to meet us in the V Spot. To stay connected and in the loop about all special events, join the email list at www.intentionalhealingandwellness.com. You can also join the Intentional Healing and Wellness community on Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn. I'll catch you soon.