I Am Love

Hello everyone and welcome back to the V Spot. I'm your host, Andrea Mancuso. Happy to be here with you today. Um, you know, it's— we're a couple of days away from Valentine's Day, and so I put on my red I picked myself up some fresh flowers, and I decided to turn this into a special V-Day date. So you didn't get the memo, but you are officially on a date with me. Um, no worries, uh, I'm gonna toot my own horn for a minute and let you know that I am a good time most of the time, right? Uh, I have my moments, but But that's an entirely different episode. We're not going to get into that tonight. You know, I wanted to be fully transparent as we're a few days out from Valentine's Day and have a conversation about love and relationships. And as I was thinking about it, I was thinking about the fact that being with— love and relationships is actually one of my areas of work. It's where I would say I experienced a lot of pain. And it's where I've been purposeful to, uh, shine the light, you know, to, to do my own work. And as I was reflecting, a bunch of things came up, and so I'm going to share them with you here this way and, and hope that something becomes available to you. So love and relationships— there's two beliefs that I've discovered over the last few years that I had, you know, had in my possession for a long time that impacted love and relationships for me. Um, I'll go into them in a few minutes, but I just want to share a little bit about the journey of discovery. So, uh, personal development work— I would say I've been doing this for about 5 years, and it was right around that time that I became very clear of the fact that these two beliefs were— I was holding them tight, right? And I had no clue that I was holding them. And so the first belief, not enough, and the second, not worthy. And so I'm gonna go into each of them, but I just want to put them into the space. So first and foremost, I want to say I didn't know that I was holding these beliefs so tightly. Um, it was somewhat in a blind spot, you know. I, I didn't have direct access. It was an unconscious holding of these beliefs. And so it was interesting to discover that I actually possessed them, right? Uh, so first, let's, let's look at, at not enough. And I just want to talk a little bit about that so that you can see if on any level it resonates for you. Not enough shows up in a lot of different ways. It could be not good enough, not smart enough, not thin enough, not capable enough, not successful enough. Right? For me, it was a lot of wrapped up in my appearance. So not thin enough, not attractive enough. And I didn't realize that I actually held this particular belief. And not worthy is a little bit more direct, straightforward, right? It's, it's not feeling worthy of— again, on an unconscious level, not being worthy of something. So in this particular case, you know, shining the light on love. Um, and so I become aware of the fact that I possess these two different beliefs, and on an unconscious level, they were really running the show for a very long time, you know. And I interacted with the world worlds, and I interacted more specifically with, with men, with my partners, out of these spaces. And, you know, it's important that I tell you, I don't want you to feel bad. Don't feel bad about this particular piece because it's actually my great news. Discovering that I possess these, had these beliefs, was freeing, right? I was able to really learn a lot about myself. So I don't want you to hear this and, and feel bad. I want you to actually celebrate with me. Celebrate the freedom that I've been able to tap into as a result of going on my journey, you know, to this— to discovering this, really. And so a lot has changed since I became aware of the fact that I possess these beliefs. Um, I think— let me share a story with you. So about 4 years ago, I was coaching a 90-day program, 90-day leadership program, and myself and a bunch of the people that were in the program set out to accomplish a certain amount of goals, you know, however many felt right. For me, it was about 8 or 9 goals, and, um, I, I create— I set out to create a lot of different things, and, and the one goal that was haunting me throughout the entire process was go on a date. A date. I want to highlight that to you. Singular. I wanted to, and during that particular journey, set out to go on one date, and I saved this goal until the very last, you know, moment, you could say. You, you would think that I was setting out to sort of go for a root canal. That's how I was treating it. I was like holding off, holding off. I didn't want to go. I did everything else on my list, and I saved this particular piece because I felt uncomfortable, right? I'm sharing with you that relationships and love is the greatest source of my work, and I became aware of the fact that I possessed these beliefs about, you know, not being good enough and not feeling worthy. And now it was the first time that I was pushing myself into a space of dating. And so I set— I wait for the last minute and decide, you know, I really want to be complete on all my goals. I really want to accomplish this. And so I sign up for a speed dating event. And so this is pre-pandemic, and speed dating event is happening in Midtown, um, in Hell's Kitchen in Manhattan, which— no mistakes, because I felt like I was going to hell that night. I was so nervous. And the whole drive into Manhattan, I'm, you know, saying to myself— all these catastrophic thoughts are happening. What if this, what if that happens? And I'm really coaching myself and talking myself through, you know, be yourself, just go and just be open to what could happen. You know, see, you're on this journey for a reason. And totally irrational, right? Catastrophic thoughts I'm having, but nonetheless they're occurring. And so I get to Manhattan, I park my car, and I'm walking across 9th Avenue heading towards the venue. And I suddenly— a calm comes over me that I can't— I'll never be able to explain, but it was the most calming feeling that comes over me. And I walk into the place and the host, you know, tells me to have a seat, make myself comfortable. And I did just that. In this calm state, I made myself completely comfortable for the first time in such a setting. Right? And I had a great time that night. I had a great time. It was not one thing root canal about it, you know. I really was able to establish connection with all of the gentlemen that I met that night. And while I knew I wasn't interested in, you know, any of them romantically, I— it was the first night that I realized that I took my power. I was taking my power back, you know. And I was very clear in the moments of interacting that, um, not only am I more than enough, but I am completely worthy of all of my heart's desires, you know. And so I left that night celebrating myself and really beginning to cultivate self-love and self-love and— well, let's start with self-love. So in a whole different way, I really started to appreciate and wanted to tap into acceptance and really this idea of unconditional acceptance that, you know, I'm it, right? Like, that was one of the things that I walked away believing that night. I'm it. I used to look outside of myself for love, feeling that I would only find it in other places, you know, with— in someone else, with someone else. And when I left the event that night, it was the first time that I walked away thinking, you're it. You are love. You don't have to find it anywhere. You don't find something that you already possess. And so the invitation here is, you know, for you to look at your own life, and, and let's focus on love and relationships, and ask yourself the question: is there any reason I should roll up my sleeves and dig in to see if I have any, you know, beliefs, hidden beliefs. Again, knowing that these are not conscious, they're, they're sort of tucked away, and they usually come as a result of some sort of experience or something painful, right? It's, it sort of leaves an impression on us, and so it's not always obvious, right? So this is— there's an invitation to really roll up your sleeves and ask yourself the question Do I look for love outside of me? You know, um, am I able to recognize and be with that I am the love? And when we are the love, right, this— that speed dating event was the first time that I started to think of being love, you know, and, and occurring as the love. And when that's happening, wherever I am love is present, right? And there's no longer this like search someplace else for it. And so, you know, I really want to encourage you to, to look in your own life and your relationships and the way you view love and, and ask yourself the question: is there anything that I potentially don't have access to? You know, in terms of beliefs. Is there anywhere that you are looking outside of yourself to find what you already have? And so, um, that speed dating event was a game changer and really put things into an entirely different perspective for me. You know, I, I left that night thinking Wow, you know, what is it like to accept myself regardless of the conditions? So this idea of unconditional self-acceptance. So, you know, loving myself with or without a partner, right? Loving myself with or without, you know, the size clothes that I deemed to be, you know, the goal, um, with or without flaws and talents, you know. And, and it's this self— like, unconditional self-acceptance is really about accepting yourself and your life no matter what the circumstances are, you know. So with success or without it. Um, all of it, you know. And, and that became available to me the night that I set out to go on a date, right, which I ended up on 10 mini dates. And suddenly I left realizing— I, I wanted to emphasize this story for two reasons, because I want you to know that you are it. You are it. Don't have to search outside of you. Show up, be yourself, and trust that that is enough, right? That's the message that I say to you, I say to me, me showing up here, you know, to do this recording. Show up, be yourself, and trust that that's enough. Right? And that's the first thing to take away from the story. The second is you don't have to hustle for worthiness. I had to like get very clear on this. You don't have to hustle for worthiness, right? It's something that's inherent. It's something that we have by way of being alive. And so, you know, I'm— I am grateful to be able to tap into the fact that I am love and I get to create intimacy wherever I go because I say so, because I show up and allow for it to happen. And so, you know, just like you didn't get the memo in advance that you were on a date with me, you know, tonight, I, I want to say thank you for jumping in and being willing to, you know, go to unexpected places and really just be with the fact that just like that, it can be created, you know, because we say so. And, um, so these days, you know, in terms of love and relationships, you can catch me, uh, pushing back on limiting beliefs that are no longer running the show, you know, that are no longer stealing my joy or having me settle in ways or stay longer than I should, you know, or, or opt out, right? Because that's the other piece. I opted out for a long time. And, and the reasons, you know, if you want the reasons, you can actually go back to season 1. I think it's episode 3, 5, possibly 7. I give all the details as to why, right? But that part's not important for tonight. Uh, what's important now is the awareness of the beliefs that have hindered for a long time but are now under the spotlight—pun totally intended—and no longer have the power. And so it's a real opportunity to take power back, right? And be willing to be with the parts of you that aren't always easy to be with, right? Because sitting and learning about what I possessed as thoughts and feelings and judgments and all of it, it's, it's, it's not easy, right? And it's still happening. I want to say that becoming aware of my, my beliefs, what I hold to be limiting beliefs, doesn't have me with this like, oh, I figured it all out, I figured love and relationships all out. That's not the case. But what I will tell you is that I'm definitely learning, you know, I'm learning about myself, I'm learning about, you know, how I show up, how I don't show up, learning more about my fears, you know, how alike we are, right? Because through my experiences and my clients' experiences and friends and family, you know, we are so much more alike than we are different. And so, you know, men and women, different races and cultures, different religions, not enough and not worthy are often tucked under many layers of our being, you know. And there's so much value in being able to roll up your sleeves, dig in, and start to do the work around, hmm, how do I set myself free so that I can actually live the life that I dream of living? And so the invitation here is for you to, um, go on a journey like that. Go on a journey like that. And if you don't want to, don't need to, or have insight that you think is valuable for the rest of us to share, please share it, right? Share with us what your journey with love and relationships has been like. Share with me. I'm— I would love to hear your journey. Um, so yeah, definitely, um, pushing back on some, some feelings, some limiting beliefs. I'm rewriting narratives. This time choosing narratives that will support where I want to go. And my next chapter is Chapter Love. So it's, it's really about getting clear on what will serve me to be in that particular chapter. And so I'm excited, I am grateful, I am nervous, um, But most importantly, I, I really want to, to say that taking time to be with your visions of love and your feelings is, is so worth it, right? And so in this particular context, if you want to, uh, be with your visions of love more and shine the light on any beliefs that don't fit and don't work, you know, on the journey too. So thank you for, you know, being here with me on this impromptu date. I appreciate you, and, um, I will absolutely catch you soon. To be continued.