Learning to Let Go

Hello everybody and welcome to The V Spot. I'm your host, Andrea Mancuso, founder and CEO of Intentional Healing and Wellness. I created this podcast because I believe vulnerability is our true superpower, and I want to promote a safe space where we can come together and engage in conscious and courageous conversations to encourage individual and collective healing. In the V Spot, we will choose courage over comfort as we speak our truth and pave the way for others to do the same. For each episode, we will unite in empathy and embrace our superpower as we spend quality time together here in the V Spot. Thank you for tuning in.

Hello everyone and welcome to the V Spot. God. There's a magnet on my refrigerator that reads, "Let go or be dragged." I bought it about 5 or 6 years ago when I was working hard to let go of a situationship that no longer served me. It's funny, or maybe I should say ironic, how we can know something isn't good for us yet have tremendous difficulty in letting it go. Can you relate? I know I can't be alone. I've been talking about this for a few years now. I remember having the realization for the first time, wow, life is a series of letting go of habits, behaviors, thoughts, feelings, limiting beliefs, patterns, fears, resentments. Doubts, grievances, stuff, and ultimately people. I became fascinated with learning to let go when I discovered how much I actually struggle with the concept, the reality, the impact— all of it, actually. You know, when I bought that magnet several years back, I was clear that I didn't just want a quotable piece stuck to my refrigerator. I wanted a daily reminder of what's at stake when I don't let go, when I choose to grab on tightly to whatever the thing is. There's often consequences to such gripping, and I realize that there's tremendous payoff to holding on so tightly. You see, the things and the people we hold on to, they serve us in many ways. Perhaps it fuels a narrative that we hold to be true about ourselves. Maybe it keeps us safe in many ways, allows us to feel validated, gives us a worthy fix, feel good enough. Whatever it is, there's a cost and a benefit to holding on, just as there's a cost and a benefit to letting go. Realizing this several years ago sparked a profound interest in learning about the psychology of letting go. So as all good nerds do, I started to do my research. I wanted to learn more. There's no clear-cut answers here. I'm sure by now you figured that out if you're identifying with learning to let go. Each situation is very different. It has very different things at stake. But regardless of the circumstances, what I've come to learn is that letting go is truly an art. It's a practice, a journey. I chose into this journey because when I took inventory many years back, and again very recently, I discovered a similar realization: in order to get where I want to go, I need to let some stuff go. I'm going to say that again: in order to get where I want to go, I need to let some things go. That's been a common conversation I've had with myself. First it was years ago, and then again recently. So here are some things I came up with both then and now. Number 1: Romantic partners that aren't aligned with my vision. This is a significant one because embedded in this lives many other things that require focus too. For example, fear, insecurity, worthiness. They all reside within the need to let go of partners that aren't aligned with my vision. You might be wondering how. Well, it's easy. On a conscious and intellectual level, were you ever with someone that you knew you didn't see a future with? Really, I'm asking. Likely many of you just answered yes. So with that being said, how could you be with someone you didn't see a future with? Why would you be in that situation? Back to what I said earlier, there's some sort of cost and benefit to that decision. So despite it being illogical, you stayed. I stayed. Now listen, this isn't about judgment. You know what we say about hindsight being 20/20. It's easy to look back and judge your younger self right now, but that's not what this is about. This is about learning so we can get comfortable questioning our choices and our behaviors and ultimately become a better version of ourselves. Letting go of romantic partners that aren't aligned with my vision That was work. It hurt to stay, and guess what? It hurt to think of letting go. But integrity is one of the most powerful tools to carry. So the magnet on my refrigerator, it serves as a daily reminder of all the past hurts that I experienced after when I failed to let go. The insight that I gained It's now wisdom that I use to support choices, changes, and letting go. Number 2: Experiences are merely that—experiences. It seems obvious, right? Wrong. I used to believe that my experiences defined me. I believed that they dictated my value. Determines my worth. Learning to let go has meant a lot of peeling back layers to discover the essence of who I really am. And at my essence, I discovered that I am love, compassion, empathy, light, courage, creativity, generosity. I am not my experiences. I have experiences. They no longer have me. Learning to let go has meant healing through so many different experiences. It meant really looking within, feeling, discovering, processing, accepting. And guess what? Letting go. You want to hear the deepest thing about everything though? There's still so much more I haven't even started to go and grow through yet. You might be wondering how, right? Well, I'll never forget a friend saying to me one time, how are you still going through so much? It's been years since you started this work. It's simple math. 5 years of intentional healing, 43 years of life. Does it make sense to you now? It's an absolute journey. Show me a person who believes that they fully arrived, and I'll show you a person who has so much more work to do. There's levels to this stuff, which brings me to number 3: imperfections make me human. Not flawed and fucked up. Learning to let go of the idea that I am less than because I am imperfect, it's real. Can any of you relate? I had convinced myself that my imperfections meant that I was damaged. The belief existed in me for as long as I can remember as an actual fact. You know, for a very long time, you couldn't tell me anything I truly believed that my imperfections defined me. I convinced myself that my imperfections meant that I was damaged. You know, that belief existed in me as a fact for a very long time. You couldn't tell me anything. It's taken a lot of unlearning and healing work to push through this distortion in my thinking. It's true, it's a distortion. It might seem harsh, but it's a reality. I can't emphasize how important this work is. I believe so strongly in it because I'm crystal clear about what's at stake when it's ignored. Letting go in this area of my life has led to experiences of freedom for the first time ever, seeing my beauty for the first time, looking in the mirror and actually liking what I see. Celebrating my body. You believe that? Celebrating my body. Celebrating my body at the same time as wanting to make improvements. And number 4, I want to highlight the process around letting go of what I thought my life should look like. There's so much heartache and depression in focusing on what's missing. What didn't happen, what you don't have. Learning to let go of my own expectations for what 43 should have looked like has meant deep conversations with my GYN about my clock ticking and what it really means for me, which I'll come back to in another episode. Learning to let go in this area means making peace with my choices, abundance, lack thereof, and inevitable realities. None of what I'm speaking about has been easy, by the way. But every bit of looking at myself with a commitment to learn and grow has meant accepting my reality, trusting in the timing of my life, having faith in my what's next, believing wholeheartedly that I am exactly where I'm supposed to be. Learning to let go has been a total practice. Do you see why I said it's so important? If I didn't take an interest in the importance of letting go, I would still be with partners that didn't align with my vision, believing that my experiences defined me and my imperfections meant that I was damaged, all while thinking it's too late for me because my life doesn't look the way that I envisioned it would. Do you see why learning to let go is so essential? It's not just helpful to releasing certain things, as I shared before. It allows for a deeper understanding and meaning of what is. Can you see how this isn't about waking up and feeling complete? It's really about committing to being on a journey of full discovery. If we compare it to a road trip, Learning to let go is about taking the scenic route with the navigation system turned off, and you're in the driver's seat cruising down the highway of life, present to the many turns, landscapes, and terrain that you're navigating. And letting go— well, letting go is about knowing when to get off an exit because of hazardous conditions. Remember, just as when you're driving in real life, once you get off the highway, the roads continue. They might look different, they may take you through different paths of town, but your journey continues. This is the same for letting go too. Let me ask you, What's your relationship to letting go right now? What would it serve you to let go of? Is it a habit that's destroying you? A belief that you're holding on to? Perhaps it's a grudge, or maybe a particular fear, an old experience, or even a series of experiences. Quite possibly it could be a person. That thing that you're trying to ignore, it has power over you. Begin the journey of learning to let go. What does it mean for you? What's the cost? What's the benefit? If you want to learn to explore more about what letting go looks like in your life, Contact me to set up a discovery call. Let go or be dragged. The choice is yours. Thank you for tuning in to this episode of The V Spot. To be continued. Thank you for spending quality time with me here in The V Spot. The V Spot. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, write a review, and tell a friend to tell a friend to meet us in the V Spot. To stay connected and in the loop about all special events, join the email list at www.intentionalhealingandwellness.com. You can also join the Intentional Healing and Wellness community on Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn. I'll catch you soon.