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Hello everybody and welcome to The V Spot. I'm your host, Andrea Mancuso, founder and CEO of Intentional Healing and Wellness. I created this podcast because I believe vulnerability is our true superpower, and I want to promote a safe space where we can come together and engage in conscious and courageous conversations to encourage individual and collective healing. In the V Spot, we will choose courage over comfort as we speak our truth and pave the way for others to do the same. For each episode, we will unite in empathy and embrace our superpower as we spend quality time together here in the V Spot. Thank you for tuning in. Hello everyone, I'm extremely excited for today's special guest. Jen Yang is the founder of Jen Yang Metamorphosis. She's a personal transformational mentor, a psychic intuitive, and an energy healer. Jen is a certified professional coach and the founder of the Authenticity Project. Jen, thank you for joining me in the V Spot.

Thank you so much, Andrea. It's such an honor to be here. And as you know, like, authenticity and vulnerability, it's just, you know, they are good hands, in good hands, right? And we absolutely explore what's coming through without the need to control it.

Yeah, absolutely. I love that. Well, Jen, you and I met a couple of months ago and we instantly clicked. Both fiery and passionate about the work that we do. We always have a lot to talk about, so let's jump right in.

Yeah, let's jump in.

So, born into and raised by a reserved family in Taiwan, what was it like growing up as a highly sensitive kid in your community?

Thank you for just heading right into the topic.

I love it, you know. No, we have no time to waste. Jump right in.

Yeah, so Now I can kind of having this flashback when I was 5 years old. When I was 5 years old, I saw a spirit animal, a jaguar, in the house. I was playing piano as what my mom was asking me to, practicing piano, but all of a sudden in a hallway I saw this big black cat, which I didn't know it's called jaguar at that time. And I was froze right there, and we stared at each other into the eyes. And I thought, oh my gosh, I'm going to be eaten by this wild animal in the house. And it disappeared in like, you know, a couple seconds. My mom came out of the bathroom, and I told her what I saw. A 5-year-old Jen was like being scolded really bad. So my mom was like saying, you're out of your mind, Jen, there's no jungle animal you know, in the city. And then so anyway, so I guess from that point on, even though it was a small incident, but for a 5-year-old, you know, the imagination is her world. I felt the need to shut down. I felt the need to, you know, to just kind of like hide because my dear mom, which somebody that I really looked up to, and close with couldn't accept the fact that I saw something that, you know, she wasn't able to believe in me. But that was the very initial, initial incident I, I kind of encountered when I was facing my own highly sensitive nature, psychic as well. And then so ever since then, I become real people pleaser in the house in order to feel safe. Because as you know, like we are still children and we need to feel safe. And so for me, I tried to be an overachiever pretty much all my life and all the way up to, you know, after college and then getting to the work area, I became the corporate sales in the IT world. You know, and it completely shut down my right brain. There's no creativity needed. There's no imagination needed. Only the logic, only the rationality is being appreciated. So that's the whole entire, um, I would say the first 34 years of my life. It's pretty long.

Wow. Yeah.

To try to be in the, um, in the container of how other people expect me to be in order to survive. But one thing I gotta tell you, Andrea, is that, you know, when we are so disconnected with our true self, um, universe always loves you in such a way, will just like spank you really hard in order for you to wake up.

Yeah.

So what happened was that back in 2012, um, I lost my hearing for a good 3, 4 months. Thank God it was temporary. But at that time I was just like, shoot, right? Completely. Like my core was just like shaken down to crumbles. Like I have no idea who the heck I was. I still went to the company. I still, I still went trying to, you know, trying to attend a meeting. But all I saw was able to see people's lips moving. There's no sound.

Wow.

So now I'm having this flashback. I almost forgot, to be honest, because on this path you just continue to walk forward. But this flashback is actually good for me to remind me why I'm doing what I'm doing. So during that time, it was the first spiritual awakening for me. And to see how, like, wow, who am I right now? Now I cannot communicate with other people. Doesn't matter what language you're speaking, you just, you can't even communicate with yourself. So that was the first entire shutdown on myself, which was a big initiation. Yeah, I call initiation for this moment. Um, so I have to say this is a deep inner journey for me to, um, journey all the way through where I am today. And I'm sure you pretty, you know, as well, like, you know, how our personal journey can really embark something so invisible. Like people outside of you, they think they know you, but you internally you're just like a whole new person. And it's really honorable to show this part of the identity where, you know, it's just kind of like a newborn child, almost the newborn child.

Yeah, yeah, I, I, I—

that's—

it's significant. So you, um, you actually led me to one of the places that I did want to go, which was to 2012. And have you sort of paint the picture as to what you were experiencing. You know, you are navigating life and suddenly find yourself, you know, up against a temporary hearing loss, right? But not knowing that it's temporary, you know, in the throes of not having access to, you know, one of your senses that you relied heavily upon up until that point. And so I feel guided to ask you two questions in this particular moment. One, the first one, you know, most people won't experience temporary hearing loss, right? The way that you did. And so in this moment, what would you identify as like the primary thing you learned about yourself during your 3 and a half months in silence that you can offer to the listeners as insight?

Yeah, beautiful. Thank you for asking that. So I remember, you know, the first thing I reacted was like, immediate response was like, why do I deserve this? I've been working so hard. I'm being, you know, probably the best employee in the company, you know, dedicated, you know, trying to just pretty much like, you know, helping everybody. And why am I down to this point? That was the first question I was asking myself. And there was a lot of resentment in me, like, wow, I feel I'm being used, I'm not being appreciated, I'm not being valued for who I am. I mean, all those resentments just piled up. So there's a lot of purging, almost, if I want to describe it, it's almost feeling like there's a dark cave that you never know that it was there. And then when you just kind of like going within, light up a candle and all of the bats just flying out. Can you just visualize that kind of a picture?

Yeah.

All the bats are coming at you. Right. And those bats, what I mean by that is, what the heck are you? You know, you're not going to amount to anything. All those self-doubts, all the self-sabotaging thoughts. Are flying out at me. And before I didn't really hear them, it's because it was numbing. I was busy numbing myself to try to achieve, try to survive, try to make it somewhere that I didn't even know where that is.

On an unconscious level, right? Yeah.

Just level, you know, and not talk about, oh yeah, you know, you want to restore your right brain in order to tap into your gifts. None of that, none of that.

Right.

So for me at the first initial, like what you just asked me, the initial response was just like wanting to react in such an angry way. Like this world is not fair. You know, I mean, for people who weren't working as hard as I did, you know, they're continuing to advance. And where am I right now? What the heck am I right now? So all those self-identities, the titles and everything, start becoming very, very, um, vague. Or like I start seeing myself like, wow, I'm just overly attaching to all these outside labels and I'm afraid to remove those labels because if I remove them, who the heck am I then?

Yeah, that's, that's powerful.

Raw, vulnerable place that I experienced there. So the story went on, it was that, you know, I took a 6-month break to go to France, Lyon, the city Lyon in France, the second largest city in France. I went there to restore my well-being, living with women about my mom's age, you know, and with a black cat. And I just went somewhere there's no one knew me at all. Not even my family. My family knew I was going through some like hearing problems, but they didn't know the severity of it. I didn't want to worry them. So I went to France. And during that time, that's how I first got in touch with healing, self-healing, even though I was still not being able to really communicate at all, not even talking about the language of French. There's one night I can remember is that I got so frustrated that I had to climb somewhere to that little mountain, a little mountain, climb a mountain in the middle of the night.

Wow.

There is an ancient ruin over there. It's like a Roman theater. And I was the only person there. Of course, it's the middle of the night, sitting on the stone stairs. And now the only thing I saw was the full moon in the sky. There's no stars. And I was so frustrated to the point I was just like, I don't know what I have done in a past life.

Okay.

Maybe I did something wrong. That's why I get punished this way. And when I look up, look up at the sky, only the full moon was so bright. It was like looking down on me. It was looking down on me and I was saying, okay, if just in case I get my hearing back, I'm going to do something drastically different with my hearing, with my ears.

So that's what I said.

I didn't even know what the heck that means because I was just too damn frustrated. You know, a week later I started hearing from my left ear instead of my right ear. And that was like, wow, second life given, literally given. And so from that point on, I really started to rethink, you know, what's my path ahead. I know, you know, I'm not going back to where I used to be, which is the IT industry, uh, where I have to wear a lot of masks. There's a lot of facade, um, headhunters that I used to work with. They were just like, so Jen, you're not coming back? Are you sure you're not coming back? And they've been out, they think that I'm going nuts, you know? And I thought I was going nuts too, to be honest, because I don't know what's ahead of me. And then I cut off all the bridges behind me.

Yeah.

A lot of anxiety, um, and insecurity all bubbling up. Yeah. So that's like, you know, I'm just describing, you know, stage by stage of how I was experiencing all these different complicated feelings within me. And not till one step at a time, one step at a time, because, you know, Steve Jobs' quote, you can't connect the dots looking forward, but only looking backwards, right?

Yeah. I love that.

Right. So not till, um, I was back to Taiwan. One thing led to another, I'm going to call it synchronicities. One thing led to another that's calling me that, Jen, you need to let go of the me, let go of the me. Who are you? You are able to find it through your own healing stories. And so you are able to connect with the outer world more. That's during the, probably the post-period of my healing journey where like, what am I gonna do now? Now I'm healed. After the, the years are, you know, all restored, the hearing is all restored.

Wow.

From that point on, I started asking myself like, what can I do to serve? The word serve never came till after my ear got store because I already vowed to the moon, sort of.

Wow.

Do something different.

Wow.

So, you know, in a way, the mid— middle age crisis, right? For a woman, but Asian single woman who's not married, no kids, and you're gonna do something different, like what?

You know? Yeah, that's, that's so powerful, and I'm going to circle back to that So let's bookmark that for one second, because what I'm hearing you say is that up until the hearing loss occurs, you are so busy that if you ask the question, who am I, you're not able to receive the answer. You're not able to tune in and hear the answer. And then this period of approximately 3 and a half months that you are in silence, there's really this like commitment and ability to connect with— yes, okay, you know, this is, this is who I am and things are going to be different moving forward.

Yes, I have that intention, but of course at the time I wasn't able to make any shift physically.

Yeah, right.

Yeah, inside I know I am not going back. I'm not going back. There's a wake-up call. There's a wake-up call. And during the silence period, what really helped me to tap into is the senses, because since I can't rely on my hearing, so I rely a lot on, you know, the, the touch, the colorings. Um, so I doodle a lot. I do a lot to just kind of like go within to help me to kind connect with the colors. Um, going to nature. We are human beings, but we are part of nature. But why do I have to lose a lot in order to, you know, get back in touch with nature?

Yeah. And to, and to listen to yourself, right? Pun completely intended. Yes.

So I guess, like, you know, universe always knows the away while you are so disconnected from yourself. So here we go, shut it all down in order for you to hear yourself.

Wow, that's so powerful.

I guess like at the time of the silence, reading people's lips is already too frustrating for me. But when I started to lean into the energy of it, the energetic of it, I can feel people's energy. And I think that's like a blessing now looking back, like, even though a part of your physical function is malfunctioned, right? Your ear is not working, but you rely so much on the instinctive, your intuitive part of sensory system. And so I really start relying more on how I feel, how I connect with others through their energies. Sometimes it's so hard for me to describe how that feels like, but eventually we are all made up of energies. So even if we speak different languages, our energies still can be perceived perfectly. You can feel the person's How do I even say it? The person's warmth, for example, and start trusting the energy of how that person exudes that energy. And for someone who's more of a closed energy, then I don't actually lean in. So that's like the initial initiation for me to start rekindled with what it feels like when I rely on getting into the energetics. And that's completely different from the IT world, of course, you know.

Yeah, yeah, totally.

Talk about it.

Yeah, major shift, totally. Well, it's, it's so— I mean, thank you for, for sharing, you know, your, your personal truth and story, testimony with us. It's, it's so profound. And we've talked about your experience in the past, but I know that it was an exceptionally scary time for you, you know, a real opportunity to persist through layer upon layers of fear. And so I just want to acknowledge your courage in this moment, um, you know, celebrate you for growing through it, not only going through it, you know. And I think that it's profound insight to offer to the listeners, you know, this, this call to action to listen to yourself. It doesn't always take a temporary hearing loss to drive that point home. Yeah, in your case it did. But for everyone listening, it's really an opportunity to start listening. You know, start listening to yourself. What do you need? What is it in this moment that you feel called to do? Who are you if you're not going according to the societal pressure and the pressure of family and culture? You know, which actually brings me to the next question that sort of circles back to what you spoke about, you know, about changing course of action, doing something you knew as a woman who, you know, in your culture and stuff. And so when I think about— and I spoke about this recently— like society, family, culture, they all play a part in the development of our sense of self. And so you started to touch on it, and I, I wanted to sort of bring us back to this topic and, and shine the light on shame for a moment, you know. And shame is said to be like the primary reason people do not want to be vulnerable. And so would you say that society and culture have influenced your experience of shame? And if so, would you mind sharing about that?

Oh, of course. I actually love this question. So shame is something that, it runs deep in our vein almost for pretty much everybody. But for me personally, I have to say, you know, during the time of not knowing what's ahead of me. And with my age, that was like mid-30s already, like mid, probably 36 or so, like not knowing what's in front of me yet, I already decided not going backwards. And I'm a single woman with no marriage status. And And those are definitely a lot of judgmental, a lot of connotation of your— something is wrong with you. You know, you're flawed. Something about you is flawed.

And that's like damaged goods, right?

Damaged goods. Damaged goods that you are not accepted by this mainstream. Let's just say the mainstream. Definitely very vulnerable because at the time, you know, while I was going through my own healing, family events— I mean, our family is, is the type of family we have a lot of events at home. So every family reunion actually triggers something deep in me, you know, whenever people, oh, so how are you? Even the words, how are you, would trigger me. Like, I don't even know, how am I? You know, I don't even know. There's a to describe the current status because it's going to deep stuff. So it actually took me years, took, took me at least like 2, 3 years to be able to overcome that. And of course, during the time, it was taking a lot of, you know, other beautiful teachers teaching about self-love, you know, learning about, wow, you know, I am so I'm somebody that I wasn't able to acknowledge myself. I'm somebody that I wasn't able to accept who I am, you know, and I'm always focusing on, you know, what is not working. Very, very, um, I would say negative mindset of people.

I know nothing about it. I know nothing about these words you speak. Negative mindset. Funny.

Yeah. But I'm just saying how like, it's been a humbling journey. It's really been a humbling journey. Um, so every, everything, how we put out, you know, and how we connect to the outer world, it says pretty much all about what's going inside. So many years of not okayness and that self-rejection was really heavy from the beginning of my healing journey, and I can see that. But seeing is— seeing it is always a miracle, right? Because without seeing it, there's no way we can change anything.

Yeah, totally. And would you say that those— that period of what you refer to as not okayness is a direct correlation to your experience of shame?

I would say yes, because there's always that root cause, right? The worthiness, the unworthiness cycle of, I'm not worthy of love or attention unless there's a conditional, like a transaction sort of thing. Like unless I do this or I achieve certain things, then people will respect me or will love me me more or give me more loving attention, acknowledgement, recognition, whatever that is. They're all in forms of love, right? So I need to work hard, I need to earn it with tears, sweat, and blood. And so it was a big aha moment to see that unworthiness in me that caused all those toxic behaviors or the sensitive oversensitivity of treating, you know, the outer world, the interaction with outer world.

And would you say that that's— that comes from, you know, direct conditioning from society and culture that had you feel like you weren't measuring up to what should have been, could have been? Is that like your experience of self?

That's for sure. And also, I have to say, there's something even deeper, is the ancestral teenage, the ancestral, generational, you know, even though we're living in different mainstream, I mean, depends on different generations, but our parents' parents' parents' or great-great-great-great-great-grands, they're all experiencing something similar. It's just that, you know, they didn't know. It's hidden. It's in society, is not allowed to be exposed, you know, those vulnerabilities. So versus what we're talking about now, it's almost like Mission Impossible for them, right? I mean, at a time— yeah, yeah, no outlet to talk about it.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And one of the things you said before was, you know, a woman without children or married in your culture, and there's this lack of acceptance, right? And I think that what is also missing in that. And I identify with that, by the way. So totally different come-froms, background, family, right, places in the world, time zones. And I experience— and I was just having a conversation with a friend recently about this, about not only the acceptance piece but the lack of celebration. And so until, until I potentially share news of an engagement— you have to love the horns here in Brooklyn— um, until I share the news of potentially an engagement, a marriage, a pregnancy, there's— right, there's not a, um, there's less of a celebration in a sense, you know, societal, societal-wise. Um, And so we're not entirely celebrating women for who they are, their gifts, their talents, their soul, their essence. It's really connected to these specific milestones that have been put into place as markers for success. And like, along the course of the journey of, you know, life accomplishment, so to say. So I totally identify with that. And I just wanted to really like thank you for highlighting it because I think that, you know, as much work as we've done to really move the needle in terms of women, I think that there is a lot more to do in, you know, in terms of in terms of the unraveling of the association of progress being connected to these milestones?

Yeah. So I think because we just talked about that earlier about trusting the process, right? Rather than so outcome-focused. But mainstream society, not because we blame the fact that they are pushing us to You know, just being outcome-driven, but it is more celebratory in the sense that if you hit that goal, then you're safe. I think there's that underlying safety issue there. Like if you're not hitting that goal, then there's something wrong with you. You're not getting yourself together. There's a lot of layers of judgment thing there, right?

Like you didn't slide into home base yet. I envision all of a sudden like a baseball game of like you hit those milestones, you slide into home base, and it's like, you know, you arrived, right?

You've arrived.

If you don't— yeah, yeah, yeah, totally.

So we're super triggered if we don't feel that, you know, what we set out— where— what we're saying out there we're not really achieving them, you know?

Yeah.

Burnout cycle, that's how it started.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, thank you. Thank you for shining the light on that and sharing, you know, of yourself in that way. I think that whenever we are willing to speak our truth, as uncomfortable as it may be pertaining to certain parts of it, we really give permission you know, for other people to do the same. So I just want to say, say thank you, um, for that.

Thank you. Yeah, inviting me to share this. I mean, every time when I get to share the, um, healing journey, I mean, it actually does profound, profound influence for my current me as well, you know.

Yeah.

Why am I doing what I'm doing? Sometimes, you know, as you know, the path that choose. I mean, continuously means our courageous, you know, like, action forward. And sometimes there's— you can see, like, even though we've done a lot of work, yes, the inner work, but it's still like you could still feel that self-doubt. It's important to really acknowledge and celebrate how far we've come rather than, wow, haven't, haven't meet that goal yet.

Totally, totally. Which is a perfect segue to, uh, the last question before we move into like the final segment. Um, you speak about metamorphosis being an ongoing process, and so I'm curious in this moment to ask you, um, what's the focus of your current chapter of intentional healing and wellness, and what do you envision coming up next? Yeah.

So Metamorphosis for me, it's, um, yeah, you know how like there, there are times, you know, people change their brand names over and over, um, based on their, their stage, you know, different life stages. For me, Metamorphosis is like ongoing. Like you said, like yesterday I could be a butterfly, but today I'm back to the chrysalis stage. Another day I show up as a caterpillar. Matter pillar, you know, and it's a place for me to really be more compassionate with myself, knowing that everything goes on as a spiral. Sometimes you feel like you're moving forward, but sometimes you're like going backwards and to the original place, but it's never the original place. It's just something deeper. It's just something deeper. But the spiritual gifts, The spiritual gifts, basically what I would love to provide and what I would love to offer to the world is from a very heart-based alignment. That means that alignment— what does it mean by alignment? Does that mean that we have to stay in the truth all the time? And sometimes we still kind of sway to, you know, the old pattern of acting or the old thinking of ways, but always inviting ourselves to have more gentleness in, in the ebbs and flows, I guess, you know, and allow myself to express more of my spiritual side of the gifts, which I've been hidden forever. And that part, I hope I'm able to bring people more back to their alignment in terms of the soul's growth.

Yeah, yeah, that's exciting. So I'm excited for you to, you know, go inward to deliver that to the world, you know. And the soul alignment, um, we just spent some time talking about it, and it's beautiful and an absolute gift. And so I'm really, really excited to, you know, bear witness to you sharing the gift, you know, with the world in, in the new way that, that you will be, you know, doing it. So I, I also heard you speaking of in your own intentional healing and wellness this idea of flow, you know, giving yourself permission to ride the wave versus, you know, forcing the swim to look a certain a certain way. Does that feel accurate in terms of your process?

Definitely, definitely. So, um, these two words mean a lot to me during my intentional healing journey, which is compassion and radiance. So compassion to me, like, well, the shirt you're wearing, the moon and the sun, right? So compassion is moon energy, especially, um, as when I was going through that caring loss Moon was there for me, was probably the only energy I was able to tap into at the time. So being able to still see that silver lining in the darkness, give yourself a lot of softness. So in Chinese, the character compassion, it means be as soft as silk. So silk is really soft. The texture is very soft. Right. So have that type of gentleness to be applied when you're going through tough times.

It's—

I think it's a skill because I had to learn it. I didn't learn it after I hit, you know, I hit mid-30s. I never learned how to do it when I was young, you know.

I love that.

In order for you to feel like you're fully safe and nourished, that you are okay to be you grounded in this world, then we're able to shine light on something that's more, you know, in a contributing way. And that's the sun. The sun is here to radiate. The sun is here not to judge herself like, oh, I'm too bright. How am I to be too bright? The sun is the sun. The sun is here to bring bringing the damn warmth to whoever that's here to be exposed to the sun.

I love that. Compassion and radiance. So that's the, that's the current, uh, the current season and intention.

Yeah. So it's more like that, ebbs and flows. So ebbs for me is compassion. That's when I'm ebbing, going within, and I need more time alone and be gentle with myself and flow as I'm out, out of that, you know, cocoon and going outward and allowing myself to shine brightly without apology. Yeah, so that's—

I love it, I love it.

But that's just a current feeling I would love to share.

Yeah, yeah, no, you did, and you, you gave some extra, so thank you, thank you for for your generosity. Um, so okay, we're gonna move into the final piece, and we're going to do a speed round. I call it the Forwarding Four. So I will ask you 4 questions, and you will answer quickly with the first thing that comes to your mind, knowing there's no right or wrong answer. It's just— it's just because if you're an analyzer like me. You may be wanting to get it, but no, go where you feel, um, go where you feel guided to go with the first, you know, thing that comes to your mind. Okay, so you ready?

I'm gonna shut my inner critic down.

Shut it down. There's no space for the inner critic here. Okay, number one: if the magical wand of intention could make one of your wishes come true, What would you wish for?

I wish everyone can embrace their unique weirdness unapologetically.

I love it.

Yeah.

All right, number 2, share one of your favorite quotes with us.

Who are you not to be magnificent? by Marian Williamson. Well, yeah.

Love it. She's great. All right.

I'm too afraid of our power.

Yes, indeed. Love it. Number 3, love is a verb. It is rooted in action. Share 2 ways that you show yourself love.

One is nature. Solitude in nature. Um, number 2, salt bath.

Nice, love it.

Epsom salt.

All right. And number 4, the world is absolutely in need of collective healing right now. Intuitively, what forwarding words would you offer with everyone listening to ensure that they do their part?

Patience. It's so funny because I, I don't like this word, but I just have to say it because I need it to know, and I'm part of a collective, you know. Patience.

Yeah, patience.

Healing doesn't take overnight. Healing, um, it has its trials and errors, but allow it to be there, and the only way through, and the only way through it is with patience and patience, a lot of love, a lot of gentleness, softness.

I love that. Yeah, I love that. I love that. So ladies and gentlemen, patience. Amazing. Jen, thank you. Uh, where can folks find you?

Yes, they can go to my website again, is, uh, jayneyang.com. J, my name, metamorphosis.com.

Okay, and social media? Are you on social media?

Yeah, J and A Metamorphosis Mentoring for both, uh, the Facebook and Instagram.

Amazing, amazing. All right, so thank you, thank you, thank you, Jen. Everybody, thank you for tuning in to this episode of The V Spot. To be continued. Thank you for spending quality time with me here in the V Spot. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, write a review, and tell a friend to tell a friend to meet us in the V Spot. To stay connected and in the loop about all special events, join the email list at www.intentionalhealingandwellness.com. You can also join the Intentional Healing and Wellness community on Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn. I'll catch you soon.