The Authenticity Project

Hi everyone, it's Jen, Jen from Jen Yin Metamorphosis Mentoring, and today I have a beautiful guest. And you see me wearing like red, realistic red everything. It's a part of the representation to invite this beautiful fiery energy into the chat with me today. So here I come introducing this beautiful woman, Andrea Mancuso from New York.

Brooklyn?

Brooklyn. Yeah, welcome to the Authenticity Project, and I'm so honored to have your presence with me. And honestly speaking, we just connected, but immediately I just sense— sense probably is a good word— sense your bold, courageous, passionate vibe, you know, through your—

thank you—

connection with you. So I feel we have much to chat today, especially with the word V. Yeah, listen, before we dive in, I totally would love for you to introduce yourself a little bit. How is your healing journey has brought you to become this visionary of creative. I know you're a mental advocate, health advocate, you are a school psychologist, you are a coach, a facilitator, but what I truly appreciate is your humanist, you know.

Thank you.

This journey has been quite a ride, doesn't matter what the storyline is, and we're here to be messy and see the messiness without shaming it. Um, would totally love you to share about your healing journey, especially what I know about you was last year, the pandemic, and how it really prompted you to create. And who you are today is a founder, the CEO of Intentional Healing and Wellness. Okay, let's go, girl.

Yeah, thank you. So first and foremost, Jen, I want to say thank you for inviting me to join you you know, for the Authenticity Project. I am grateful. I'm excited. And yeah, I'll jump right in and share a bit about myself. Um, you know, I am, yes, as you said, a mental health advocate. I have been practicing as a school psychologist for the past 14 years. I just resigned from my position to pursue my role as CEO of Intentional Healing and Wellness. On a full-time basis. I am the host of a new podcast that I just launched, The V Spot, and the V stands for vulnerability. So we will certainly dig into vulnerability a bit later. But how did this all happen? You know, so I was in the school system for the past 14 years, really getting more and more frustrated as the years went on because what I am best at, which is direct work with people, people I was not able to do much of. You know, I was really overseeing cases, and so there was a lot of paperwork, and that wasn't my, that wasn't my thing, you know. So I was becoming more and more clear about the fact that I wanted to pursue a passion, which was to create a space where I can be with people and utilize, like, my— wear my coaching hat, my therapeutic interventions hat, and really dig in and be with people, especially now, you know, to heal, as a collective. And so, uh, last year here in New York City, we're at the height of the pandemic. My older brother ends up with COVID and is in ICU for, um, about a week. And I lost, Jen, access to all of my tools, training, everything, you know, because I didn't know what was going to happen. And so I have a history of struggling with panic disorder, a history of anxiety, and it came flooding over me with a vengeance. And so after a couple of days of being in bed and struggling through, I remember sitting up one day and thinking, you can either stay here and navigate the pandemic in this way with no certainty of what it's going to look like, or you can get up and take every bit of training, every piece of your experience, every tool you have access to in your metaphoric toolkit and create something that not only you need, but that the world is in need of right now. And so Intentional Healing and Wellness was born. And so it's a coaching business. Um, you know, also consulting services and individual small group coaching. And now I'm really working hard to bring conversations to the corporate world, you know, to really talk about mental health, to shine the light on shame, you know, to really, um, humanize that we are all in this together. And though some of us talk about it a little bit more than others, We are really all, we are all going through similar things, you know? And so that is what I am up to at this particular moment.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Andrea. I just feel so much, um, just something that's brewing in me is that when you said it's a corporate area that you're serving, such a big service because, you know, kind of having this flashback right now, I was working in the corporate for a decade or so, and then I definitely felt a lot of, um, anxiety, you know, like depression probably, and just not, not feeling fulfilled, just not feeling fulfilled. And so I was the whole time was wondering why I was feeling that way, but it didn't really kick me out of the zone. I didn't even know that I was in comfort zone. I thought I was just doing what I had to do, you know. Yeah, it was when I was being kicked out of the zone, it was because my health came to me as an issue. I got my hearing loss, you know, for a couple of— a couple of years, and that really kicked me, kicked my butt by the universe and telling me to look deeper. And as you know, this path that we're on, especially for, you know, a control freak, ex-control freak like I— how I was losing my mind inward here to get in touch with my soul was the theme, but I didn't know. But I didn't know. I was just like losing my mind. I was like, oh my God, shit, you know, who am I? And yeah, I do. And then now without just kind of like self-identity just all crumbling down, like really knowing I'm hitting the bottom of the bottom. So from that point on, I started realizing one thing I would love to talk to you about is Characters. Yeah, this word just came in. Character. So character, I think it's different from how we view like, oh, personalities. I mean, this person can have a beautiful, charming personality. I think I learned or conditioned to know how to do my personality in a way like people pleasing and make sure people are happy so people like me. Put that aside. And what are those more intricate, the inner qualities or the, the essence that we talk about, right? The essence as a human, we can hone in because they're all in us. They're all in. And I know your work, your sacred work is all about helping your beloveds to cultivate, you know, what are their essences. You know, and that's a part of my work as well. So I want to talk to you more about it because your service talks so much about courage, persistence, what else? Consistency and honesty. But today we're going to dive into the harder one, which is called the V, the vulnerable.

Yeah. Listen, it's no easy, no easy thing. I mean, first I just want to highlight, go back to something that you said to move forward. You know, I think it's so profound that, you know, when the world is so busy and noisy, there's an opportunity that's literally put upon you to have you reflect, you know, who am I when I can't hear the outside noise, right? And I think that to hear you in this moment speak of that profound experience, I just think it's— I'm sure it wasn't easy and scary. And I would imagine that also the, uh, what you gained access to during that time is likely a gift, um, whether you name it that or not yet, you know. Um, so I just want to say that that's a profound, profound experience, you know. Vulnerability.

What do you see this important V word that, as you know, Brené Brown talks about it. She talks about how to really have that intimacy with ourselves. But I would love to hear about your opinion and how your perspective is being formed. And how did you come in with vulnerability?

From when? Yeah. Yeah. So I first— and I speak about this in episode 1 of the V Spot. So it's certainly worth checking out when you all have some free time. I was first introduced to vulnerability about 5 years ago. And vulnerability is definitely a buzzword that we hear more and more these days. However, Brené Brown's version of vulnerability, how she describes it, the components that she speaks of really landed for me. And so she speaks about it being risk, uncertainty, and emotional exposure. And it's— and she really talks about it as, um, the willingness to show up when you don't have control over the outcome. Now, I am someone who is a controller. I am someone who is a planner. And so the idea of showing up and not having any control over the outcome terrified me. It terrified me, Jen. I was like What do you mean? What do you mean? It went against everything that I actually knew. And as I shared before, history of panic disorder and struggling with anxiety, vulnerability was like the perfect recipe for a disaster. But I did know quickly when I came in contact to risk, uncertainty, and emotional exposure, not only did I feel exceptionally scared and uncomfortable by those three components,. But I had this inner knowing, intuition, trust, whatever you want to name it, um, that really pointed me to the direction of there's something magical here for you. And so as terrified as you are, if you are willing to show up and not know the outcome but show up anyway, and if you're allowing yourself to be seen And if you are willing to really show it all and just, you know, as human as can be, put yourself out there. I had this like deep inner vibration going on that sort of let me know this is where the magic is at, you know. And at that time, I wasn't experiencing any magic in my life. You know, like I said, that control is somewhat of an illusion, and I was holding my life as very controlled. And so I was actually taking a personal development course. I was introduced to vulnerability. I freaked out. I was like, oh no, I— the idea of risk and uncertainty and emotional exposure. And it was in that experience that I opted to choose courage and move forward anyway. So as terrified as I was, I was really calling myself forth. And Jen, each step that I took forward in the direction of, I experienced a bigger breakthrough and more healing and more freedom. And so I knew this was my sweet spot. You know, this was a combination of trust, vulnerability, and courage is where it was at, you know. And so I committed to, to be that, you know. And since then, it's, it's a constant calling self forward. It's a constant coaching conversation with myself of choosing courage over comfort, you know, and being willing to be uncomfortable, be scared, and do the thing anyway, whatever the thing is. So at different points of my life, it's looked different. You know, I'm someone who, from past pain and hurt and heartache, opted out of dating for almost a decade. And when I come into contact with vulnerability and start to interact with it in a new way, I was able to actually coach myself back into the dating game. So I've really been able to create an immense amount of results, none of them easy, right? Because, you know, it's like we have our voice inside that says like, what are you doing? Who do you think you are? What the hell is happening? Um, but nonetheless, the persistence has been a choice. And the breakthroughs and the results have been, you know, I mean, I wouldn't change it for anything. So as scary as it is, I really offer to anyone listening, it's a choice and choose it as terrifying as it is. Choose it over and over.

Choose it over and over. I hear that echoing, echoing, echoing back right now. I just want to just kind of reflect back on what you said because 5 years ago I was exactly at the same spot as— well, similar spot as you. So vulnerability, it's pretty much like a taboo, you know, in my family culture. I'm from a very reserved family culture where I was raised up, and you know, you don't just put your emotional exposure out there just because you want other people to to, to see you. So that has been a very interesting navigation for me all these years, especially with my loved ones. But I got to say, like, vulnerability itself, why people are so afraid of vulnerability, including my past self, is because it's so tender.

It is so tender.

Absolutely. It requires courage, which is one important quality. The courage to stand up for yourself, but not in the comfort zone, but outside of the comfort zone, right? Outside of the comfort zone. And also detach from the result. Like you said, detach from the result. Oh my God. If I say this, like stand up courageously, am I going to receive that expectation? We expect the result of what I think I will receive, you know? And that has been very, very interesting. So unpredictability, when we're in the V game, right?

V game.

In the V spot. In the V spot. Unpredictability and the relationship with ourselves and our unknown selves, I guess. It's not only the unknown of the whole collective atmosphere, but the unknown self because there's always that part of you is yet to be known.

Yeah, yeah. You know, this is, I mean, you brought up so many good points. I just want to like address some of them quickly because I think that, you know, you speak of family, right? And I think about culture and society and family. Yes, right. And I think that depending upon where you are raised, you know, who you were raised by, vulnerability is held as a weakness. And so I think that in order to choose vulnerability and choose it consistently, there's a lot of unlearning that has to be done, right? And so it's— we really have an opportunity to look at our experiences and what was sort of put onto us, and to no fault of anybody, right? It's like everybody is literally living their life. So, you know, let's say I look at my parents and I think about the way they were raised. And the experiences they had. And for whatever their reasons, they held things to be a certain way. You know, I grew up in an Italian-American family here in Brooklyn. You didn't talk about your feelings. You know, like, I grew up here. I was born in the late '70s, grew up in the '80s. It was a different type of Brooklyn that was happening. You know, there was different rules. And unspoken societal rules that basically said you don't speak of stuff. You keep your stuff quiet and you keep your family business quiet. You keep your neighbor's stuff, like you see whatever, you shh, like that's the way it goes, right? And so to be a 42-year-old woman who it's not about vulnerability, is not about, telling all, you know, it's really not. It's, it's really about being willing to— and I love how it connects to The Authenticity Project because it's really when— yeah, like it really is connected because, you know, with being your authentic self, some people are not going to like you. Like, that's, that's the realities. We are not for everyone. And, um, there's a real courage that comes with being your authentic self because there's a willingness to allow for and trust that the people who have a listening for you will listen and hear you, and the people who don't won't. And you have to be willing to allow for that to be the case. So I think it's just so powerful to connect to what you said pertaining to family, because I would also offer that there's a need to unlearn a lot of things, right? A lot of things. And the first and foremost point pertaining to vulnerability is it is absolutely our strength, not a weakness. Yes. You know, and when we are able to tap into that and, and, you know, think about yourself and be, and the experience of being in someone's company who is vulnerable, who is willing to, you know, pave the way in this courageous fashion. There, it, it's contagious when you see it occurring. It's, there's like a, you know, there's a real, I would say for myself, like admiring, a respect, you know. I'm really in awe of people who choose to show up that way. And when I think about how I was raised and sort of like conditioned, I would never think that that's how I would hold it. So it— so I think that healing involves a lot of unlearning, and I have absolutely been, um, an A student in the front of the class, like what else do I have to unlearn to be able to navigate my life differently?

I am on the same boat with you, trying to be that A student in the inner work. Yeah, right. But so like you said, it's so funny like how we think just simultaneously on the same time is that vulnerability versus authenticity they are so intertwined because in order for us to be authentic of who we truly are, yes, we have to realize that, you know, you are not everyone's cup of tea and you're going to trigger people.

You're going to trigger people. Oh yeah.

You're going to be triggered back as well. Right. And that has been the densest, dense, right. Very dense. Yet it is so potent. It is so potent with full of healing juice because you talk about making conscious choice and having this intentional healing within oneself, but without being able to see with awareness, like, wow, I'm gonna call myself out. My ego doesn't like it. Seriously, I mean, I've never— I never love what my ego loves to see. No, never. Okay, my ego hates whatever So be able to just call ourselves out, I think that's considered a self-love action for me. I mean, throughout the years, that's how I learned it. Yeah. Jen, you're being hella triggered, and instead of about to point fingers about you're being victimized by that circumstances, what's going on that you need deeper within you? Right. Um, and the ego has to stand aside, has to stand aside. Yeah. And it's been, well, as you know, humbling experiences always come when we are willing to see it.

Totally, totally. And I love, I love what you're highlighting because I think it speaks to the importance of it's never about the other person, right? Like I think about one of my mentors says like, um, a person could only push your button if you have the button to push. Push. And so whenever there is this trigger, there's an opportunity to really look within to see, well, what is it, you know, about me? Usually the conversation— and I've heard it so many times, and I've been guilty of it so many times— get triggered and look at the other person. What is it about them? Look at what they're doing. They don't know, they don't know this, they don't know that. How are they— but, and it's like, what I've come to learn through this journey is the trigger happens And there's a real opportunity to look at self to see, like, what is it? What's here? What about me has me so affected by A, B, and C? And that's a real opportunity to talk about checking the ego. It's really that consistent discipline of, oh, the trigger happens, check the ego, because now let me look within and what's going on. And by the way, a lot of this is absolutely a practice. And it's not something that I was able to get really right. And still there are times where things happen and I'll catch myself a few minutes in, like, no, no, no, it's not them. What is it with you? But again, it's this discipline. It's a commitment. It's like the recommitments when you catch yourself, like, screwing up or blaming or looking someplace else. It's really the recommitment of, wait, wait, wait, but I have this trigger. And so like the ego gets tucked over here and let me be with what's happening, you know, to be able to grow and level up and just be the best version of ourselves that we can be from like moment to moment to moment to moment. It's not enough, you know, Um, who I was yesterday, who I was last week. It's like right now, new moment, level up, you know. I'm just breathing. Not easy, not easy work, Jen.

Not easy work. I know it's not easy work. And part of my work is also about soul alignment, right? And like, what does it mean by being soul aligned? It's pretty much, you know, what we've been talking about, to be honest, because we're souls. But we incarnate in our physical body, and then we are allowing, you know, the unknown to guide us through whatever that we need to experience. And that's vulnerable because it's all about unpredictability. But when we are so trained, we've learned or taken on from conditions and programming, holy cow, you know, ooh la la, we're just having a lot of stuff on our back.

And how do we travel?

Yeah. How do we travel light? You know, so I feel I want to ask you this question then, because as you know, this is a weird era that we're in. Facebook, all the social media were down for a day, not for hours. But yeah, it's hard to even like say, okay, how do I still stay grounded while I'm facing these uncertainties? And which is part of vulnerability. Talk about what Brené Brown was talking about too, is being able to lean into that uncertainty even though it includes risk, even though it includes your emotional exposure that you're not comfortable with. So how would you encourage women who do have the heart to follow their I try not to repeat too many heart stuff, but it's still heart's desire, okay? Heart's desires or the dreams or purpose, um, yet still being afraid of getting out of their comfort zone, whatever that comfort zone is. Some comfort zone is like, I don't want to trigger my partner— partners who are probably not okay with what I'm doing, okay? So I'm gonna step on some buttons again, so I'm going to zigzag my way through life even though I still have that heart desire in me.

You know, how do I—

how do you encourage women who really want to embrace the bigger version, or let's say more authentic version of who they are, while being on this vulnerable spot?

Yeah, I mean, a couple of things come up when you ask that question. First and foremost, I think about trusting self, you know, which I believe to be a practice too. And I think that, you know, um, for women, we are raised in a way and, and experience society in a way that has us get away from trusting ourselves, right? So instead of honing in on what we truly desire, what we really want, we become used to asking our friends, asking our family, you know, looking on social media looking in magazines, hearing from everybody else what it should be, you know. And so, uh, the first thing that comes to mind is really a commitment. Sorry, you have to love Brooklyn, there's motorcycles and things in the background, uh, the soundtrack of my life. Um, you know, there's really an opportunity to hone in on, um, your, your true desires. And I think that this really requires, um, time spent with self to actually identify what's mine, what belongs to somebody else, you know. And so I think that as women, we often too go after goals. There's— and not just women, I would say people in this conversation, men and women— we often do go after goals, and quite frankly, they're not even ours. They were goals that were given to us when we were younger, or from a teacher or a friend or a boyfriend, a girlfriend, you'd be good at this. And then all of a sudden we're going after it and we're wondering, why am I never able to actually reach this thing? Because it's not even our passion. So when I think about your question, what would you offer to women who want to, you know, move into their more authentic version of themselves and are balancing what do other people think? I think first and foremost, it's tapping into what they truly desire, getting clear on it, and then really flexing that muscle, you know, which often comes with a commitment to communication, you know. And, and sometimes it means saying no to someone else, which is actually saying yes to yourself. And it's, it's the willingness to be in the practice of that. So it's a different kind of gym. We're not necessarily in the gym lifting traditional weights, but we are like flexing the self-trust muscle and, um, and trying on like, what is it like to be willing to, um, disappoint some people and not out of malice, you know, or ill intent, rather an honoring of, of self.

This is so good. Thank you, Andrea. Um, So this one little sentence came in now, it's like you still, you love people from distance. It does not mean you cut off love. I don't love them anymore because their values are completely different. We are, you know, I prefer just cut cords and burn bridges. I think relationships is, it's the dynamic of relationships that we are all trying to master is to learn how to love, but how to broaden that love to different depth, I guess. You know, some you feel you are in a more rich connection, you probably lean more for that vulnerability, courageous conversation. But for some, probably they are not ready to receive that. Then it's our intuition to trust ourselves to see, well, probably not now, but in the future, perhaps, because we all evolve.

We all evolve.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. And I think that trusting the timing of making that action that's aligned to yourself, at the same time you respect the other person.

I think that it's definitely like a very interesting balance that we are all here to learn.

Totally, totally. You know, boundaries too, right?

Yeah, yeah, I think about love. Oh, sorry, go ahead.

Sorry, Jen. No, I was just saying boundary, that's another big layer. So, you know, what we're doing in vulnerability and authenticity.

Yeah, no, totally. And I think about, you know, in the conversation of boundaries, um, I experience oftentimes with clients where we will speak of boundaries and then I will, you know, there will be a conversation of like violating them or not upholding them or what whatever. And then I'll ask, you know, what are some of your boundaries? And then there's this whole like, I don't even really know. And so one of the things that I'll often encourage is to then be with that for the week, to write some out and identify some, because my question is, you know, how do we know if you or someone else is violating the boundaries if we're not clear on what they actually are? We don't know what to uphold if we never take the time to define them.

Beautiful. And I love that.

Why?

Because that includes trigger events. Because when we receive those triggers, those are medicines to tell us, oh, actually, I didn't know that I wasn't okay with that. Yeah, exactly. Right.

Oh, there's another trigger. Totally.

No. Yeah. Feel this way, anger or whatever., right? So they came to heal us. Um, so I call them the ouch medicine or ouch balm.

Yeah, yeah, I love it. And I think, you know, I was going to say before pertaining to love, I mean, I am on this— I would say this is an area that I am, you know, continuously learning and, and growing and evolving. And, uh, certainly my— this is one of my areas of work And I would say that, you know, one of the things that I have come to learn about myself and others and relationship is that, you know, partnership, relationship, intimate relationship is really an opportunity to learn about ourselves and heal together. And, you know, that looks different for, for everyone. And I think that my work has also been personally has also been around letting go. And I think that there are times I am also clear that I was unwilling to let go. And with that, dragged myself through experiences that I didn't need to go through. And so when I think about— right now, I am single. I am looking to date. And when I think about being in relationship and in the dating realm, What's so important for me these days is keeping in the forefront of my brain. Yes, it's an opportunity to learn about yourself. Yes, it's an opportunity to grow. And it's so important to be— to honor the boundaries and be willing to let go when the mission and the alignment no longer— you know, the path doesn't— isn't going in a similar direction. And not to say that we need to be on the same road, because I think that that's what makes us so different is that we're navigating such different experiences and similar but different. But sometimes, you know, paths just grow apart. And instead of clinging and staying so tight to something, what I've been working on is recognizing when it's like, you know, let go or be dragged, you know, and it's a big one for me.

I am amazed. Why? Because not willing to let go. That's part of my theme as well, you know, and then continuously being aware that that's part of the drainage that we created, right, for ourselves to, to, to, you know, misalignment, um, inner battle or turmoil, right? Yeah. And that unwillingness, again, my own personal experience to learn about like, okay, how do I Pour more self-compassion into this part of unwillingness. So I don't kill it, I don't shame it, but let it be. So trusting that the timing, when it comes, the willingness emerges naturally to the unwillingness. So it all dissolves peacefully, rather than, oh, let me just push it through, let me just do the Lego work, you know.

Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. So yeah, and, and I think it's a real opportunity, Jen, to look at at least what I hear you saying and and what I identify with in this is it's a real opportunity to look at what are you afraid of, you know? And I've had to question fear in these situations so much. It's like, am I afraid to start over? Am I afraid that I'm never gonna find, you know, what the type of partner that I'm looking for? Am I afraid that I am unworthy of— like, what is my conversation around fear? Am I feeling enough? Do I feel that I'm being chosen and picked? You know, there's so many like layers to peel back and look, but I would say that stashed underneath those, based on what I'm hearing you say, that I identify with, I've always found fear. I've always like landed on like, there's more fear, there's more fear here, you know. And the power of becoming aware of it, because now if I'm in a conversation of unworthy, you know, which I definitely identify with, I am able to actually then coach myself and be with, you know, your worth is inherent. You don't have to look for it. It's not in his hands or his hands or whatever, you know, like, and really center and recommit, like I said before, recommit.

This is so good. So what you just demonstrated. It is demonstration. You personally share about that inner experience that you had, right, with all these little examples. That's part of, you know, what as we are all human beings all sharing in common, you know, it's collective. The unworthiness is not individual, to be honest. So, um, self-love, foundational self-love becomes such a, it's a brick, it's a brick that we need to continue to build. And anyone who hasn't, it's better to start and with patience, with patience too. Patience has been one of another thing for me.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm with you. I'm with you. I, I'm someone who makes a decision and like, I want results like yesterday. I'm like, but wait, I decided what, what's the, what's the process about? But you know, one of the things to this, point that I think is really worth plugging in here that I've come to learn and that I've come to really hone in on and believe. It's, it's not about the result. And so it's really who we become in the process of achieving the result. And I think that that is the magic, you know, and when I remind myself of that, you know, I wrote an ebook and I'm like turning it into like a webinar, but it's called The Space Between. And it's really designed, it's really about this topic. Like we give the goal and the result so much love, but the space between is not discussed. And I really hold it that the space between is the magic. And it's the part of the process where we evolve and learn about ourselves and grow. And, and, you know, you are someone who goes after goals. So I know that you get this. What happens when we arrive at a goal? When we, when we turn a goal out, what do we do?

Looking out for the next.

Yeah. We are like onto the next thing. Right. And so it's like about that process of, Okay, so you know, now what process will I set out to create? And again, not— yes, that the cherry on top is the actual tangible thing that we turn out, but that's not the magic, you know. And so when I hear you speaking of this, I just think about, you know, in terms of patience and process, I'm called to— and I believe me, if anybody heard the conversations that I have with myself, they would be like, you are— give yourself a break. But I coach myself all the time about, you know, stay committed and don't be so hooked on eye on the prize, because then you're missing the whole route that is the essence of the journey. You know, like, in the end— and I say this in the ebook— like, in the end, I don't believe it's going to be the result or the goal that we remember most. I believe it's going to be the space between.

I can feel my head just keep on nodding.

Yeah.

But I really like, we can just dive in forever. So why we're so attached to the goal rather than the process, because we are putting so much value on it. And when we hit that goal, that's like, oh, I finally can approve myself that I did it. So my self-worth is based and linked tightly to that. Right.

And that cycle needs to just dissolve. Yeah. Yeah. And like, look, I think that there's tremendous power and value in the actual goal, right? And the attaining of— I mean, I am someone who sets out regularly to create results. And of course, I want to create the thing or have the experience, whatever it may be. But I've definitely had to conversate with myself many times to be like, all right, yes. And when you get there, you know from past experience that it's usually like, great, now what? And so that's right there the indicator that it's not the actual thing for us. It's tied to something, whether it's affirming our good enough conversation, whether it's affirming how worth it we feel we are, whether it's affirming how, you know, whatever valuable we, we're experienced by other people, what is it? You know, because usually there's not many people, especially like I call us like goal-getters. There's not goal-getters who usually get there and are like, hey, chill, I'm so proud of myself, I'm so happy, let me— for 5 minutes, right? But, and then it's like, okay, let me re-up. What now? What now? What next? And so I think that there's definitely this, you know, yes, results are exceptionally important and often bring about something, a reward, a motivation, an incentive. And I think that us really getting clear on the fact that the process to get there, that is the sweet spot. The process is everything.

I want to thank you for addressing this because overachiever syndrome, as I probably call it, overachiever syndrome, we need healing around the unworthiness cycle that we have just emotionally invested too much in the goal-oriented world, right? And the mainstream sort of promotes it too, right? Oh, that's the way you achieve. You got to show the outer world what have you done. But that's not what our soul wants to experience after all, because we're not living moment by moment. Like you said, we miss out thing.

We miss out the whole thing. Yeah, yeah. I mean, look, there's a whole entire, uh, society, industry, business, culture that thrives off of people feeling that they are not enough. Men, women, like children, everything. And so it, it perpetuates this narrative: I'm not enough, so what else do I need to buy, get, have, go after, you know, to have that, that feeling occur. And most of it's occurring on an unconscious level, right? So which is why we could continuously find ourselves in situations where we are going after certain things in this attempt to soothe and have that like, am I enough now? Am I enough now? Am I enough now? And it's like, it's up to us to really start to get clear on the whole conversation so that it's like Wait, I don't need another pair of shoes in my closet, Jennifer. Look at my closet, they're full, it's full. I don't need another pair of shoes, another bag, another whatever, you know, to— and it looks different, right, depending on the conversation. So for some it's cars, for some whatever it is, another degree, another, you know, certification, another anything to be like, now I'm enough, you know. So, and this, I, I again another journey, another life's work that doesn't end.

I just have to say, you know, thank you for bringing that one up because it has so many different layers. One is like, okay, let me compensate, overcompensate through materialism or however that is, right? Or other ways around, I'm gonna numb myself, I don't feel it, and I pass myself, well, I'm grateful for what I have, so I'm not gonna go for my dreams because now, you you know, I'm grateful, I'm living moment by moment, you know. That's like another— yeah, that I had to deal with some of my beloveds. So yeah, it was extreme polar sometimes, but again, like healing intention, that's what we need in order to bring us more back to alignment. When do we trust our intuition, or we just shut it down and spiritual bypassing, or, you know false goal-chasing actions to make us falsely fulfilled.

So yeah, anyway, we have so much to talk about. I know there's, there's, there's so much, but you know, I, I would love to like kind of tie this to what you asked before pertaining to the question around, you know, women and what would you offer. And I would like connect it to what we're speaking of now. I would really invite and encourage women, men, but in this, your question was about women, women to commit to doing this type of work, commit to conscious conversations, commit to peeling back the layers of who you are and being willing to unpack what you find with trusted people. And sometimes the trusted person is not our mother, our father, our sister, our friends. Sometimes the trusted person is someone who, um, has an insight that is— they're a little bit more removed from the situation. They're able to step back and see, you know, what's occurring and not be so emotionally attached. You know, there's no investment to— in terms of whatever. Sometimes family and friends, we're invested in each other in a way that it's difficult to have certain conversations, but I would encourage and really push and, and say, you know, be afraid and do it anyway. Acknowledge your fear and trust that you are enough to get through whatever storm you're going through. And, you know, there are people who are just waiting to help you, you know, and who potentially have been through the same storm a similar storm. You know, some are, you know, able to navigate in murky conditions and can support. So, you know, I really think that it's like this work, this conscious conversation, you know, the authenticity project, the call to action is really to commit, not when it works for the schedule, like carve out the time for it to be in the schedule. You know, hold it as a priority. Not as like this cool thing that I'll do when I'm like not too tired from work and I'm not too busy. It's like, no, the evening, you know, there are certain nights where it's clear the schedule, build your stuff around your healing and wellness, make it a priority like that.

Yeah. And it's nourishing to not only the soul, but it's a necessity. It's not a luxury, it's necessity to have conscious conversations. And I just love what you just talked about.

It's—

this is not only— yes, my question was about women, but it's gender-free. I mean, both women, yeah, men, all are on this path because we are all soul. We're exploring our, our growth together. Wow. Sometimes I have so much, just want to integrate it in, but it's hard for me to just like put it in the pot here.

Oh yeah, pull it, pull it all together. I would also say, Jen, you know, we speak of women in this this moment in the conversation of vulnerability, men really have their work cut out for them. I mean, think about, think about the pressure that society and families put on men in terms of, you know, I talk about emotional exposure. That's, that's a nonentity in the conversation, depending upon the culture that you are raised in as a man. And so, you know, I think that equally as important important as it is for women to commit to their process. Um, I think that it's just as important to create safe spaces for men to show up and experience the human— the totality of the human experience, because we hold it sometimes as just because that's the gender, they should operate this way. We're all humans. We're all navigating shame, guilt, beat up, not enough, you know, worthiness. We all have this desire to be, you know, loved and belong to, and they are not exempt because of the gender. And it's like creating spaces where we could show up and have conversations like this and pave the way for others to do the same. I think in 2021, that's the magic.

Definitely, because This world needs both conscious women and men. Doesn't matter the gender. Conscious human being to join this. Do you call this a trend? It's not just a trend, but it's, it's, it's a, it's a flow.

It's a flow. Yeah.

How we're going to create together. So to benefit the whole humanity. And I'm so grateful to have you here with me through this authenticity project. Thank you for showing up. So raw, so you, so real. What else can I say?

Nothing else more.

Yeah. And I just want to say again, we are here to appreciate the differences, you know, to dissolve separation. This is what I think the whole collective is going through at this moment, you know. And once we are intentionally honing on the healing ability going within unapologetically. We need to be unapologetic toward this healing process. Yeah, absolutely. We're going to be shown the next throughout this process with trust, right? Ah, thank you so much.

Oh my God. Yeah, thank you, thank you. I want to say thank you so much. Um, I, you know, it's no mistake that we have, you know, found our way to each other. And I'm incredibly grateful for the invitation to be here with you, you know, and participate in the Authenticity Project. I'm excited to see, you know, who else is part of the project and hear from different women, different stories. Um, so, you know, thank you for doing the work that you do. Thank you for inviting me. I'm super excited to have you join me, and I'm looking forward because this is definitely the beginning of, you know, a beautiful partnership.

And, um, for sure, I'm super grateful.

Yeah.

So everyone, this is beautiful Andrea Mancuso, and you feel drawn to her fiery energy, go check out her website, uh, intentionalhealingandwellness.com.

Yes, I, um, I can be found at www.intentionalhealingandwellness.com, Intentional Healing and Wellness on social media platforms. So Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn. And if you are someone who wants to bring conscious conversations to the workplace, because that's the thing that I think right now is so essential, you know, we don't shut the switch when we go to work. And I think in the past there was a tendency to hold it as now you're at work, turn everything off, and that's not how we operate. So I think that there's so much power in having these type of conversations— shame, mental health, continuing on the journey of healing and wellness. Wellness, um, you know, mental health in the workplace begins outside of the workplace. And so I'm excited to be able to have the conversations, Jen, and, and thank you to, to everybody who, who joins me on this, uh, intentional movement we have happening.

Thank you for shining your light because we need that lighthouse to see where Andrea is. Thank you globally. So thank you so much, my dear, and this is Thank you, Andrea Mancuso. And, um, go ahead and find her, connect with her work, and I'm sure you'll be drawn to her healing energy. And that's it, guys.

Thank you for watching.

Thanks so much for connecting, and we'll see you soon.

Bye. Thank you.