The Power of Unlearning

Hello everyone and welcome back to the V Spot. I want to talk to you today about the power of unlearning. Now for some of you, you may be very familiar with this concept of unlearning, and for others it may be the first time that you're hearing it. So I want to either introduce you to or reintroduce you to this notion of unlearning and shine the light on it and, and highlight why it's beneficial to become familiar with it and be intentional about inviting it into your life, all in the name of your what's next and the chapter of your life that has not been written yet. So before I jump into unlearning, let's talk about learning for a moment, right? We often learn from various people, experiences, you know, resources, all of the things. And I first want to spotlight and highlight all of the people and experiences and opportunities and spaces and places where we have been empowered and where learning has absolutely served us, right? Because there are tons of things that you learned that led you to this very moment that for sure have set you up for success and have come from credible, valuable, reputable sources, right? And so for that, we want to say thank you and really acknowledge and highlight the power of learning, you know, and thank everyone who has poured into us in a way where we are able to be where we are today. So I first wanted to say, say that piece and spotlight everything that has worked about the learning process. And next, I want to talk about the fact that we have also learned a lot of things from people who are unqualified to teach us, from the media, from, um, experiences, from traumas. What we've come to learn from all of those different things isn't always best for us. It's not always valid, reliable, credible, useful, productive learnings that support us on a day-to-day basis and really support our greater good, our success, what we're looking to experience in life, our experience of life, you know, how we view ourself, how we interact with others. So there's an opportunity in these cases to to tap into the power of unlearning, right? Which is an intentional recognition that some things that we have acquired along the course of our journey get to go. And we get to put into place something that is better for us, that serves us, that empowers us and supports us in a much more productive, inspiring, and, um, I don't know, successful way, really. And so unlearning is this aspect of being open to and taking an inventory over where would it serve to replace some of the things that we hold to be true with a new perspective, with a new position, with a new idea or concept or, um, belief, right? And so that is what unlearning is. Now, it's often discussed in, in personal development spaces, in the goal-getting process, when it comes to success, when it comes to healing, uh, when it comes to mindset work. Unlearning is a popular term that is often affiliated with all of those journeys, if you will. And it's recognized because of the fact that in order to go where we are looking to go, oftentimes it means that we have to unprogram some of the things we've come to believe about ourselves or the world or whatever the circumstance is, right? Um, And so it's not easy work, right? Because a lot of times when it comes to this conversation of unlearning, we're talking about tuning in and tapping into some of what we hold to believe true, you know, without even knowing that that's the position or the perspective that we hold. And so there's a real invitation when it comes to this type of work to tap into your life, tune in on a very conscious level, to get present to the very minute details, the very nuanced ways of your day-to-day, um, happenings, if you will, to hone in on, well, what is it that potentially gets to go and what works and what gets to stay? And so oftentimes in client sessions, and even in my own sessions where I've worked with coaches, I really needed to interrupt the regular programming to hone in on the finest of details, you know, uh, and plug into where was, where was things occurring in my life that was potentially, um, serving as a roadblock or an obstacle so that I was able to get clear on, hmm, that's an area where I get to be intentional about setting some things down. So what I would like to say is, as a, as a starting place, because it's often overwhelming or it's often like, I don't even know where to begin in terms of this aspect, or some people even dismiss it before they even give it a chance, I want to say that a great place to start is to ask yourself in what areas of your life are you not with the results that you truly desire, right? Or another way to ask this question, um, in what areas of your life are you not fully fulfilled? And this is an invitation and an opportunity to be honest with you. You know, is it in your career? Is it in your relationships? Is it in your relationship with self? Where are you not fully experiencing fulfillment? Where are you not fully satisfied with the results that you presently have? And once you identify what that area is, I want to spotlight the fact that there's likely unlearning that gets to occur in that particular area of your life. Right. So there may be some things that you believe about yourself or in general beliefs that you hold that is interfering with your results. There may be some things that you've come to learn through experiences, people, wherever, you know, media sources, social media, that it's interfering with your process.. And so that's a great place to start this identification of, hmm, what do I believe to be true in this area? What narratives do I hold? What beliefs do I possess when it comes to relationship? I'm using that as an example, um, that you, you can be intentional about peeling back the layers to look at this is not necessarily going to serve the bigger vision, right? So I'm going to give you an example, and then I'm going to give you a call— leave you with a call to action for this particular episode. Um, I, during my particular journey, personal development and healing, I came to recognize that when it came to the area of relationships, particularly romantic relationships, I possessed a lot of beliefs and, um, held a lot of things to be true that did not support the vision that I have for romantic partnerships, right? It was a lot of, um, reactionary, you know, perspectives. It was a lot— it was in reaction to hurts and pains and experiences that I went through that formed my beliefs and my narratives about relationship. And so when I got intentional about looking at, well, you don't have the results that you desire in this particular area, why is that? And I started to peel back the layers of what I believed to be true about myself and others. I was able to recognize all the things that I was there was a call to action for me to unlearn, right? Because a lot of it was definitely in reaction to things that happened. And so in order to create a new and, um, you know, call forth the vision that I truly had for myself in that regard, it meant getting really clear on what did I hold to be true to begin with. And was it a fact? Was it a belief? Was it formed from a particular experience? And then really take stock on, oh, as long as I possess that belief and hold that to be true, I'm not going to be able to have the relationship that I truly desire. And so I was intentional about doing the work with the support of coaches and, um, people who held space for me to to really, like an onion, peel back the layers of what I held regarding relationship, where I learned certain things, what I was holding to be true, and then the willingness to recognize this doesn't work. And this is about unlearning some of these things and setting them down in the name of my bigger vision, my, you know, what would deliver fulfillment for me in the area of.. And so I share that with you because it's not a one-and-done process. It's not sit down, talk about it, boom, it's over. It's a, it's a flexing of a new muscle, and it's tuning into life in a way and staying committed to the process of, um, your own development and healing that will allow for you to discover and learn about yourself in a way where you can go where you're looking to go, right? And so I spotlight this conversation and this piece around it not being a one and done, because oftentimes when you don't get the results that you want in a, in a conversation, it could be like, ah, forget it. Think of how old you are. You have that many years of life experience behind you to unravel and peel back some of the layers of things that work and don't work. It can't possibly be done in one conversation. So be patient with this process, but begin the process because you will not get the results you desire if you never start to actually go on the journey. And, um, I want to leave you with this, you know, unlearning has absolutely been one of the most freeing ventures that I've set out on, you And there's so much freedom and so much possibility in embracing the fact that something that you potentially hold to be true about yourself or something that you picked up along the way isn't necessarily it, right? It's not necessarily what works. It's not empowering or doesn't serve your greater good. And there's so much freedom in recognizing that at any point in time, you have the power and the permission to choose into a journey that will forward you in the ways that you desire to be forwarded. And there's so much— let me spotlight this piece. You are your biggest obstacle, not your circumstances, not your experiences, because your experiences do not determine your value dictate your worth, right? You have the freedom and the ability to create whatever life you desire to have, but you are your biggest obstacle. And so the moment you choose into your life with this possibility and, and, um, intention of recognizing that you've been through some things I absolutely am not diminishing the journey that you've been on up until this particular moment, and I want to spotlight that a lot of what you have been through and a lot of what you have lived through and a lot of what you have learned has created certain ways of thinking, certain strategies for survival, certain coping mechanisms, certain reactions, and and behaviors and patterns and habits that, that may not support where you want to be. And so the invitation is to pause and to tune in and to go on a journey of unlearning so that you can really set down the things that don't work and really be grateful for them because they got you to this moment, but recognize that in order to go where you're looking to go next, it's going to require that you let go of some things. And so I am calling you forward on this, uh, journey of unlearning, you know, to, to invite you to see that the advantages and benefits and possibilities that it possesses, you don't even have access to as of this moment. I don't have access to, you know, my next level at this particular moment. But choose the willingness and the courage to be open to the journey, to recognize that there are some things that get to go, and you get to really set out on an adventure that can blow your mind, right? That can take you to new levels and allow for you to experience yourself and your life in a way that you can't even believe to be possible, but it is. And it requires, um, the willingness to let go of the life that you presently live to step into living the life of your dreams, right? Some things get to go. And what is it for you? So take some time to get clear on where is it that you're not experiencing the fulfillment that you desire And let's tune in to what gets to go. Um, in terms of the journey, if you want to go on this journey and really start to peel back the layers of your individualized, uh, experience and take stock and inventory over, hmm, what is it for you? Um, you know, I'm here and would love to go on the journey with you, you know, to support you in peeling back the layers. So that you can get clear on where it is that you have learned some things, where it is that you get to unlearn some things, and where it is that you're looking to go next. So if that's a journey that you desire to go on, please reach out to me and let's talk about that, you know, in terms of a process. And for all the ladies, if you are, um, interested in unlearning and going on a powerful journey together for a couple of hours on Saturday, November 5th. EnoughLabs is hosting an event in Washington, D.C., the Unlearning Lab live event, powerful panel of women. I'm grateful to be on the panel, and we will be gathering in D.C. However, virtual tickets are available to discuss all the things unlearning. Right, in real time, you know, figuring out this wonderful thing we call life together. Um, spotlighting some lessons learned, insights gained, and you want to be there. So whether you are tuning in from your couch in your coziest pajamas, or you are planning a girlfriend getaway to the DC area to attend this epic event in person. Um, I will drop in the show notes the link to get your ticket. Join us for a powerful 3-hour event that is honoring, celebrating, and giving much attention to unlearning. So I'm super excited. I hope to see the ladies there. Um, everybody else, I want to say thank you for tuning in to this episode. Take the time out to identify where in your life you are not experiencing the fulfillment that you desire to have, and be willing to set out on a journey to create something different, right? The next chapter of your life has not been written yet, and you possess the pen. So what experience do you want to have? And let's write that story. Let's write the story. You have that much power. So as always, thank you for tuning in to this episode of The V Spot. To be continued.