The 'Unworthy' Trap

Hello everyone and welcome back to the V Spot. In today's episode, I'm going to spotlight worthiness and give you some examples of what it could look like if you possess feelings of unworthiness. This conversation has happened so many different times with clients and friends and even myself, where I have looked at the feelings of unworthiness that are possessed and then started to recognize how it was showing up by way of life choices or lack of choices. And so what I wanted to do was create this episode to have the conversation with you, to give you a couple of examples of what it might look like if you have feelings of unworthiness and don't even realize that you actually have them. So the first example that I want to give is self-sabotage. So if you inherently, deep down in your unconscious minds, believe that you are unworthy of a thing, whatever the thing is, you will self-sabotage your process as you're trying to get it. There will be self-imposed roadblocks, or you'll take yourself out of the running before you even, you know, pursue a thing. Now, it's important that I go back to spotlight the fact that feelings of unworthiness are often unconscious feelings. It's not that you're walking around interacting with the world like 'Hey, I feel unworthy today,' right? That's not how it happens. And that's why it's called a limiting belief or a hidden belief, because we don't always have access to it. It's sort of tucked deep down in the unconscious mind, yet it drives our behavior, our choices, our daily decisions. And so there's so much value in peeling the layers back of who you are and what lies underneath because we can actually get to the root of what might be driving your choices. So feelings of unworthiness often drive choices, and people don't always know that it's unworthiness that's making the thing play out the way it plays out. Self-sabotage is a very common example of what may be happening in your life, and you don't even know why. And so it's important that we learn what's underneath because then we can change, you know, the, um, the narrative, the narrative or the, the belief system that will have things be different. So self-sabotage is a very common example of something that will play out when feelings of unworthiness exist. Another example that, um, may happen is you may want a job, a new position, but you will not go for it if you have feelings of unworthiness tucked away. Now, you may convince yourself you don't want the opportunity. You may talk yourself into all the reasons why that new position wouldn't be a good position for you, but what might be going on is that you may not believe you're worthy of the job. You may not believe that you're worthy of the position and the responsibilities and the salary and all of the details that come with it. So, again, there's an invitation and a call to action to learn if these feelings exist, because perhaps it's interfering with you going after a job opportunity, but it might be interfering in a lot of other ways as well, and so unworthiness really creeps into various areas of our life, and there's tremendous value in identifying if that is a thing or not. Right? Because it can be taking you out from things that you really want. And so a job or a position or a certain career move is just one example that I want to give to you as to how it may be showing up in real time in your life. Because it does show up in real time in your life. But we often don't take the time to pause to be with, hmm, what's underneath here? Right, the third example that I want to give is you may be in a relationship that you know you don't want to be in. You— it may have expired, you're no longer feeling fulfilled, you don't feel aligned with your partner, and yet there's no plan on going. Now underneath that could be a lot of different variables. One of them may be unworthiness. Am I going to meet somebody else? Is it possible that I'm going to be able to, you know, have the type of partnership that I desire to have? Um, how can I possibly, you know, meet somebody that's going to A, B, and C? So there's— if you are sitting in a relationship that doesn't serve and you know clear as day, I don't want to be here anymore, and yet you're still there there can be feelings. I'm not saying that it's the only thing that might be going on. There's a slew of other possibilities, but it is, um, definitely an option that unworthy feelings reside, and as a result, there's an unwillingness to be with, like, letting go of a relationship. And so we want to identify what might be happening pertaining to certain thoughts. And the last example I'm going to give, um, that's— that comes up often and really spotlights, you know, feelings of unworthiness in a powerful way is being someone's side piece. Yeah, being someone's side piece. You see, because if you don't believe that you are worthy of the real thing, if you don't believe that you're worthy of a partnership that's 100%, fully committed, you know, all the things that you desire to have, you may find yourself in a circumstance where you're settling for pieces as opposed to having the whole thing. Now, you may want to dismiss what I'm offering and say, no, you know, we have a deep connection. No, that can't possibly be it because I'm just doing this. There's nothing— there's nobody else. There's And I'm going to challenge you to say there's deeper things occurring by way of limiting belief. And, um, you— if you don't take the time to identify how unworthy feelings may be impacting you, you will absolutely stay in places that you don't belong. Now, whether that's intimate partnerships, whether it's, you know, career opportunities, whether it's salary brackets, whether it's, you know, certain places pertaining to your wellness, um, any and all of the examples apply. If you don't identify that certain feelings exist, you will absolutely continue to operate in certain ways, and those certain ways may be reflective of not believing that you are worthy of a thing. Those behaviors may be reflective of not believing that you are worthy of whatever the thing is. And so there's a very, um, urgent call to action to check in. Now, I only gave you a couple of examples. There's tons of examples. I could just keep going and going and going as to how it might show up if you possess feelings of unworthiness. But I wanted to give 4 tangible examples of like, wait, you could look to your life and potentially see self-sabotage. You could look to your life and see that you're in an expired relationship. You can look to your life and see that you are someone's side piece and you're settling for crumbs. You can look to your life to recognize that there's something you want to go after, but you're not going after it as concrete evidence that there's something else underneath that's driving those decisions, right? And this is not a judgment, um, episode, this is not about shaming you. This is not about pointing out that you're doing things that are not in your best interest. No, right? I've been there. This is an opportunity to say it's not just what it appears to be. Oh, I'm not going after a job opportunity. There's other feelings and there's other beliefs that are tucked underneath and they are impacting your life. They're impacting your results. They're impacting your fulfillment, your freedom, all of it. And until you're willing to take a deeper look, to be with like, wait a minute, how can I possibly be in the scenario where these are my circumstances and I'm okay with it? Until you're willing to be— to do the work that requires like a deeper digging and a closer look at what's occurring underneath, your, your life will have certain results that won't reflect what it is that you want to experience. And so the journey to worthiness and, uh, what is involved in recognizing and being with all of the feelings and peeling back the layers is absolutely a journey. I'll never ever forget that I was sitting in a personal development training, and when I land on the aspect of worthiness and recognize and have like an aha epiphany to the fact that I was navigating unworthy feelings and I was choosing and not choosing based on those feelings, I— my mind was blown. But the next immediate thought that I had was, well, how do I tap into worthiness and how do I sort of fix this? And there was no quick answer. It required going on a healing journey. It required unpacking feelings little by little to really recognize what lived there. Where did certain things come from? What was I actually grappling with? And how was I willing to move through? And so, spoiler alert, there's no fast track to accessing healing. And there's no quick way to wake up tomorrow and be like, ta-da, all the things are gone. It's a process. And I want to invite you to start the process because it won't happen. One thing is for sure, if you don't choose into the journey— and we are complex individuals, right? We have tons of emotions, lots of experiences, um, and various beliefs that we hold based on who we are and what we've been through. And so I want to invite you to be with your life in such a way that you're recognizing and learning and taking the time to identify what it is that has you showing up in certain ways, what it is that has you not showing up in certain ways. Um, and I'm never gonna tell you it's gonna be, uh, you know, quick and easy, and I'm gonna sell you a dream in terms of, you know, tomorrow you wake up and everything's better. No. But I will promise you that as you journey through on purpose you will absolutely be met with a rewarding, you know, uh, adventure, if you want to call it. And there's no time attached to it, but the purpose is being with learning your beliefs and your feelings and your emotions that drive your everyday decisions. And if you are not where you want to be, if you are navigating any sort of upset, hurt feelings, pain, if you look to your life in certain areas and you don't have the results that you want, if you're trying to convince yourself that some of the stuff you're settling for is fulfilling, and you know damn well it's not. Allow this episode to be the purposeful reminder that you have a journey to go on. And worthiness may be an important part of the journey. And don't wait. Because look at everything that's at stake. So choose in. Choose in. I wanted to share this because I wanted you to have concrete examples of what it might look like and what might be driving the train. And it's a direct invitation to, you know, reach out, let's work, let's identify what it is for you. Let's clear out some stuff, some residue. Let's make way for a fresh chapter. And let's ensure that you are fully connected to the fact that you are worthy of all of the things in all of the different areas of your life. Contrary to what you might believe in this moment. And until you're willing to sort of be with those things and process them and heal them, they're going to rob you of the things that you want. They're going to interfere with your process. They're going to make you settle and, and play small in certain areas when you know you want more. And so, are you ready? Because it's time to journey through all of it. So if you're ready, um, I would invite you to hit me in the DM and/or hit me in the email and let's connect about what it could look like to go on a journey together. Um, but regardless, I leave you with one reminder: you are worthy regardless of what experiences have happened. And all of those things that you think about and you dream of having They're possible. Are you ready to do the work to make sure that it all turns out? That part only you can answer. So until we meet again for another episode of the V Spot, I want to say thank you for being with me for this one. To be continued.