Wonderfully Made

Hello everybody and welcome to The V Spot. I'm your host, Andrea Mancuso, founder and CEO of Intentional Healing and Wellness. I created this podcast because I believe vulnerability is our true superpower, and I want to promote a safe space where we can come together and engage in conscious and courageous conversations to encourage individual and collective healing. In the V Spot, we will choose courage over comfort as we speak our truth and pave the way for others to do the same. For each episode, we will unite in empathy and embrace our superpower as we spend quality time together here in the V Spot. Thank you for tuning in.

Hello everyone and welcome to the V Spot. As children, the messages we receive from everyone around us, they end up shaping how we view ourselves. We develop our sense of self through our life experiences and our environment. And while each of us are unique and have our own thoughts, emotions, behaviors, we didn't become the people that we are today on our own. Our family, friends, friends, classmates, teachers, neighbors, co-workers, even community members. They all played a part in the development of our sense of self. Do you see where I'm going with this? If you grow up in a nurturing environment and generally have positive experiences, you'll likely be confident and have a strong sense of self. But on the contrary, if you grow up in a non-supportive, judgmental, or even toxic environment, you are more likely to be insecure and have a negative sense of self. I'd like to invite you to take this opportunity to reflect on your childhood, your adolescence, your teenage years, your family dynamics, friendships, school experiences, even young adulthood. And let me highlight, this is not about blame or pointing the finger at anyone. It's about the power of conscious conversation. It's merely information, insight into your foundation, a look at what your foundation is actually built upon. My request is that while you reflect, suspend judgment over yourself. And for now, let's talk about my foundation for a little bit. It's my hope that in hearing my truth, something will crack open and become available to you too. Maybe it's healing or forgiveness, perhaps clarity. Whatever it is, just stay open to receive it. You know, throughout my childhood, I received messages that suggested I was completely damaged When I was very young, I was too skinny. Then I was too fat, had too much hair, too broad, too loud, too pale, too nasty, too miserable. Until I had enough of hearing that I was too everything, so I opted to be too high to even listen to all the criticism. We'll revisit that in another episode. But I received all these messages from different sources. You know, I could still hear it so clearly. And the truth is, the messages absolutely shaped my sense of self. You know, I paid attention. I heard everything that everyone was saying loud and clear. And the biggest problem with that? I believed them. So I believed everything about me was flawed and fucked up by the time I was graduating high school. I believe that the skin that I was in, yeah, it was completely damaged. It was unattractive. How could it not be? Everything from my height to my voice, my weight to my personality, it was on the chopping block. It was up for grabs, but maybe I should say up for jabs. But needless to say, it made me unhappy and hurt. And you know what they say about hurt people? Yeah, they hurt people. So we'll revisit that in another episode as well. But for now, let's talk about coping. When you're in emotional pain, you generally have two choices: feel your pain and move through it, or attempt to find a way to escape it and soothe yourself. So what do you think that I did? Well, I wish I could say I was aware and courageous enough to grow through it back then, But I wasn't. So I did the only thing I could back then: attempt to soothe myself and escape the pain and the shame that I was feeling from being too everything. My escape route had many different paths. For now, let's talk about food and eating though. It's a vicious cycle to be criticized and judged for being too fat and then turn to food as a means of seeking comfort. The irony, right? But that's the vicious cycle that I was unconsciously stuck in for a long time, actually. It was an easy and enjoyable escape route too. You know, I'm half Irish and half Italian. The Italian side of my family, they knew how to cook, and we knew how to eat. Everything centered around food. You don't feel well, you eat something. You're upset? Eat something. Someone died? Right, you eat something. And we certainly ate, and we really ate good. Bread, pasta, pizza, fried just about everything, cheese, cake, pastries, cookies. Come on, you know what I'm talking about. The eating for every reason isn't just reserved for the Italians. My Caribbean and Latin friends know exactly what I'm talking about. So you combine emotional pain with comfort food, and well, you know how the rest of the story goes. A bigger belly, more stretch marks, more shame, no tank tops, dreaded bathing suits, and well, more pizza. It's a jacked up cycle, I know. But we don't know what we don't know until we learn it. So that sense of self— can you see, by time I was in my mid-30s and chose into intentional healing and wellness, there was a lot to unpack, a lot to unlearn, a lot to heal through. It's also clear to me now, of course, but as I experienced life back then as it was happening to me None of this was accessible to me. Good old hindsight. So I was the tiny turned fat, big-haired, broad, loud, pale, freckle-faced, nasty, and miserable kid trying to find her way in this world. My entire sense of self was built on the negative criticism that I received about my body and my physical appearance. It's no mistake that I came to believe that my worth, my value, my enoughness— it was all derived from this screwed-up measuring system I developed over the years. I mean, what worth and value did I come to believe I actually had? In what ways was I good enough? Right, right, the answer is none. That's what I thought. So tell me, what do you think is missing from my story so far? Anyone? All right, I'll tell you. It's my assets, my positive attributes, the parts of who I am that aren't physical or connected to the judgment that I received from others, and even the judgment that I gave to myself. You know, you wouldn't believe the number of tears that I shed over the years due due to the pain and discomfort and the shame that I felt because my sense of self was completely tied to the size of my body. The tears that I cried because of all my imperfections, because of all the ways that I felt less than, damaged, unattractive, unworthy, undesirable, not enough. But I remember the day I was crying in my kitchen with my roommate and closest friend, Frank. God bless him for loving me enough to support me through all of my stuff throughout these years. You know, I'll never forget his words to me that day. Andrea, you're so much more than your physical body. Your soul, it's so much more profound than that. Maybe you should do some soul work. For those of you who don't know Frank, he's very spiritual, wise. He often saw things about me before I did, and he always said what needed to be said, even though I wasn't always ready to hear it. That's the bittersweet reality of our friendship, a friendship I thank God for every day of my life. I am not my body. My soul is so much more than my physicality. I couldn't stop sobbing when I heard that. I went on to think about it for weeks, months even. How didn't I have access to that? Why did I allow my entire existence to be measured by my waist size? We don't know what we don't know until we learn it. So who am I on a much deeper level, aside from my physical body? Well, I am love, light, empathy, compassion, generosity, courage. I am kindness, grace. Vulnerability, loyalty, trust, persistence, fun, warmth on a cold day. I am wisdom, beautiful, special, unique, creative, and so much more. I am divine. Wonderfully made. There's no mistakes in that. And that hits different than saying I'm a size large or a size 14 or I'm 200 pounds. We don't know what we don't know until we learn it. You know, these days I'm doing my best to love up on my physical body like never before. I take pride in my curves for the first time ever. And get this, I sometimes even spend time admiring my body in the mirror. Who would have ever thought? I've come to love myself more than ever during the pandemic. This physical body that I'm occupying, it's kept me safe and healthy throughout the whole pandemic. I remember looking in the mirror one day coming out of the shower and thinking, Wow, that's enough of a reason to give myself some extra TLC, don't you think? So I'm nurturing the relationship I have with myself— mind, body, and soul. And I'm choosing me, because guess what? If I don't, who will? Exactly. I've come to learn that I can be both a masterpiece and a work in progress at the same time. And this skin that I'm in, well, I love it more now than I ever loved it before, stretch marks and all. So I'm reinventing my sense of self these days. It's based on what I think of me on a soul level. Do I still struggle, feel uncomfortable in the skin that I'm in, get caught up in my old patterns at times? Absolutely. But I'm committed to healing through my process, so I'm doing just that, one step at a time. Now back to you. To anyone listening who is presently navigating pain, shame, or even beat up as it connects to your sense of self, know that you are not alone. Lean in and begin to peel back your layers with a trusted person who will hold space for you as you journey through those murky waters. The point I want to emphasize: journey through. You know, standing on the sidelines, it won't do you any good. It's actually worse. Remember, there's generally two options when it comes to experiencing emotional pain: feel your pain and move through it, or attempt to escape it and self-soothe. Now, I always say I love conscious conversations because once we have the conversation we can't pretend the conversation didn't happen. So those two options, be sure to choose wisely. And remember, if you want or need support, you know where to find me. Thank you for tuning in to this episode of The V Spot. To be continued. Thank you for spending quality time with me here in the V Spot. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, write a review, and tell a friend to tell a friend to meet us in the V Spot. To stay connected and in the loop about all special events, join the email list at www.intentionalhealingandwellness.com. You can also join the Intentional Healing and Wellness Community on Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn. I'll catch you soon.