Arthur C. Brooks describes the "honor idol," where high-achieving kids learn that love comes only through excellence. As adults, they become human doings, constantly earning approval from spouses and friends. Love is grace, not a reward, and chasing achievement instead of receiving it freely breaks marriages, friendships, and faith.
For most of my students, they think they have a money idol. I mean, they're MBA students, but it's not that. They actually have an honor idol, not even a fame idol. It's a, it's to be beloved. They wanna be adored. And the reason is because my students, they're really, really, really good at something when they're kids, like really good at something when they're kids. Mm-hmm. And they learn that they only get love and attention from their parents when they do that thing. And their little synaptically plastic brains, this is really important as a dad, that They only get attention when they do that thing, which makes them conclude in their synaptic plasticity that love is earned. And they go through life trying to get that feeling. I want that feeling by doing the thing. And they become sort of human doings as opposed to human beings. And what they want is they want adoration and they wanna earn it. They wanna earn, they'll earn their spouse's love, they'll earn their friend's love, they'll try to earn God's love. They'll go through their lives trying to earn love. That's an honor idol. That's a, that's an idol of the adoration that you're trying to earn. And love can't be earned. Love is a free gift, freely given. It's a grace. And so this is one of the most important things we have to get strivers, super successful accomplishment people off of that idol because they'll never be happy. They'll never have a happy marriage. They'll never have true friendships. They'll never have an ordered relationship with the divine as long as they're trying to earn love.
