Arthur C. BrooksThe Art and Science of Happiness

The Core of Romantic Love Is Friendship

10 Aug 2026 · 1 min

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In this excerpt from his YouTube video, Arthur C. Brooks argues that the essential element of a successful romantic relationship is deep friendship, or "companionate love." He emphasizes that couples should seek a partner they genuinely like and can laugh with, essentially choosing a best friend before choosing a spouse. Brooks notes that research shows the secret to the happiest marriages is not perpetual passion but living with a best friend, framing this as the greatest privilege in marriage.

Chapters

the core of the romantic relationship actually is friendship. It is, isn't it? I mean, you want somebody you can have laughs with. You want somebody who's going to be your soulmate, which is the same thing you were talking about in the depths of your friendships, right? You told me you're married to your best friend. Yeah. Right. And you're trying to find somebody that you actually like, that you actually like as a person. And so the key is actually finding deep friendship. The literature on this is very clear that people think the secret is staying passionate. For your whole life. The secret to the happiest marriages is called companionate love, which is another way of saying living with your best friend, which there's no greater privilege than living with your best friend. So you have to find somebody who might be your best friend before you find somebody who's your spouse.