Arthur C. BrooksThe Art and Science of Happiness

The Hidden Cost of Family Estrangement

3 Jun 2026 · 1 min

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In this solo talk, Arthur C. Brooks explains why family cohesion matters from a neuroscientific and evolutionary perspective. He notes that our brains respond differently when family ties are strong versus broken, reflecting ancient survival mechanisms that relied on kin support. Brooks cites Karl Pillimer’s sociological‑gerontological research in the book Fault, which shows that while cutting off family (going no‑contact) can provide immediate emotional relief, longitudinal data reveal that most people who choose estrangement later experience chronic unhappiness, a heightened risk of depression, and deteriorating physical health. The talk warns that the short‑term comfort of estrangement masks deep, long‑term costs to mental and bodily well‑being.

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Neuroscientists have found that our brains actually work differently when our families are cohesively versus when they're not. To not be cohesive with our families, to have estrangement, to have schism, kind of breaks our brain. This has got to be related to our evolutionary biology where our prehistoric survival depended on mutual support of kin. When your family is dysfunctional, it's going to signal to you that you're in danger of walking the frozen tundra and dying alone or something along those lines. Maybe not that dramatic, but there's something in you that says this isn't right, this isn't right, we got to fix this, this isn't right. There's a really good book called Fault by a sociologist and gerontologist by the name of Karl Pillimer. What he finds is the following. Many people, when they walk away from their families or go no contact with their families, that they do get short-term relief. I mean, nobody says, you know what, I think I'm gonna stop talking to my mom so I can be miserable for the rest of my life. Said no one ever. There's a reason you stop talking to mom. And in point of fact, that people do get short-term relief. But what his research shows, because it's longitudinal data over a long period of time, that the majority of people who go no contact of their own volition, that over time they wind up with chronic unhappiness and there's a major elevated risk of depression and they also have poor physical health.