A short first-person monologue by Dr. Arthur Brooks arguing that the ‘striver’ mentality—equating personal worth and lovability with worldly accomplishments—harms relationships and personal happiness. Brooks urges listeners to recognize that worth is independent of achievement, which would produce more equilibrated relationships and less burden on loved ones.
The one thing that I missed, that I wished I had known so that I could have been a happier person. But a person that had more equilibrated relationships. And I could have made life a lot easier on my wife and the people who love me is that my worth as a person is not related to my level of accomplishment in the world. Fundamentally, for whatever reason, this is the pathology of the striver. And a lot of people who are watching us is this belief that I'm not lovable unless I'm admirable, unless I'm doing something that people actually admire, then there's no reason to love me. And this has deep metaphysical roots. People who believe this often will believe that God can't love me unless I'm good enough, unless I'm virtuous enough, that my wife can't love me unless I'm an abundant enough provider, that I can't really have any friends unless it's on the basis of their admiration for me as a person. And that's just not right. That wasn't right for me. It wasn't right then, it isn't right now. And a fundamentally happier person. Had I understood that.
