Arthur C. Brooks argues that seeking a partner exactly like you creates relationships that feel like choosing a sibling. Real success needs shared values plus complementarity, where partners bring different strengths. Traditional matchmakers understood this; modern dating apps push you toward your mirror instead.
We, when we choose our mates, we choose too much compatibility. We choose people who are too much like us. We do? Yeah, yeah. Okay. It's like on dating apps, for example, you want somebody who likes the same kind of music and votes for the same politicians and thinks that Austin is cool and they like to eat sriracha or whatever, right? And what you're getting is your sibling, which is not— Oh God, that's awful. It's not hot. It's not hot. What you need is enough compatibility with values and then a lot of complementarity. And if your parents— So how do you look for that? How do you look for complementarity? That's the problem. When somebody chooses for you, they find complementarity because they know. I got you. And so that's why matchmakers are so effective. Really? Matchmakers get enough compatibility and a lot of complementarity where you complete each other. That's an old school— That's an old school matchmaker thing. That's an old school way of doing things. But we're horrible matchmakers for ourselves because we're very narcissistic. Very narcissistic. So we look in the mirror and say, that's what I want. But that's not what you want.
