Ashish Kothari explains how leaders often miss what people are actually saying because they're judging, planning, or lost in their own thoughts instead of being present. When you're distracted, your nervous system triggers defensiveness rather than real listening.
Attention and presence are two important elements. Oftentimes we are not paying attention to the human. We are often paying attention to the problem that needs to be solved. And that problem is often creating a triggered response in our bodies and in our minds. Right? So we're not regulated. We are in the grips of the sympathetic nervous system. Fight, fight, please. Which is then getting in the way of being present because we're already. I'm talking with you. You're sharing your problem. I am not really present with you. I'm already thinking about all the different ways I've solved this before. I'm thinking about maybe judging, like, why can't you figure this out? I have seven other problems as a leader I need to solve. Why are you making my life hard? And I'm thinking about the future of what is going to happen if this doesn't get solved. I am not present. I am somewhere there. My body is here, but my mind is not.
Reducing Regrettable Attrition in Organizations by Fixing the System, Not the People Reducing Regret
