The Lonely Reality of Solo Travel in Your 50s & 60s

Solo travel. It looks amazing, right? Freedom, adventure, doing whatever you want, whenever you want, no one else to be accountable to. But here's the real question.

Does it ever feel lonely?

Right now I am in beautiful, sunny Cape Town, South Africa, where I've been for nearly three months.

Now.

Sadly, James is back in the UK after being here for three weeks. He had to go back and work. So I am truly here on my own. And to be honest, I wasn't sure how I'd feel about that. I would, I love the independence. Would I feel a little bit disconnected? Would I feel lonely? Or worse still, would I regret making this decision to stay here for this length of time on my own? And what I've learned has really surprised me. And in this week's video, I'm going to share what it's really like to be a solo traveler, especially as a retiree. I'm going to share the good, the bad, and the real surprising.

Also going to talk about how I've.

Built an amazing circle of friends here and why that was so important for me, why I believe that Cape Town is one of the friendliest places on Earth.

Earth.

So if you've ever thought about solo travel, maybe you're understandably really nervous about it, maybe you're worried about feeling isolated, then stick with me because you'll be really surprised about what I've got to say and it may change your thoughts about solo travel.

I want to kick things off by talking about expectations versus reality. Because as we were landing in Cape Town for the first time and I knew I was going to be spending two months here alone, I was worried about would I feel lonely? Would I feel isolated? How am I going to feel about enjoying these wonderful moments but doing it on my own without Jane's? And when I go in a restaurant and ask for a table for one, are the staff going to look at me in a pitying way? Then on the flip side, there's this romanticized idea that traveling on your own is all about a journey of self discovery and untold amounts of freedom. But let's be honest here, you know, enjoying some beautiful sunsets on your own is nowhere near as nice as when you have your partner with you. And James and I have been traveling together for 14 years, so I was pretty nervous about traveling on my own. And I realized that it's all about a mindset shift. Of course, no one's judging you when you walk in a restaurant. The only person judging you is you. And so you need to have a mindset switch and not Be having that typical FOMO fear of missing out. It looks like everyone else is having a great time and here you are on your own. So what's the reality? Well, it's definitely a mix. I remember that first time watching a beautiful sunset and almost turning and realizing that James wasn't with me and wishing that I could share that with him. And of course, taking photos or having video calls is definitely not the same. On the other hand, I have really enjoyed those moments of solitude. I realized that I enjoy my own company, but I also realized that having that balance between seeing friends and being with people versus actually having time on my own is the ideal mix for me now. I totally appreciate not everybody is like that and I feel like I am pretty comfortable in my own skin and I do enjoy my own company and I'm pushing myself outside of my comfort zone to do things that I perhaps wouldn't have done a few years ago on my own. But I also need people as well. And of course I miss James and if we had any other choice, he would be here with me and he loves Africa as much as I do. Now. Talking of James, I thought it'd be a really good idea to get James's perspective on this. So we are going to jump on a call now and I'm going to get James to share his view on it from the other side of the coin, being in the UK on his own while I am here. So James, when I first sort of moved to the idea of staying on after you'd left Cape Town, what did you think?

I was nervous to start with. How is this going to work? We've been traveling together for 14 years and then I was going to be flying home alone for the first time. It wasn't something I considered before.

What did you think? Now we've done it. This is actually like the third year I've done this, isn't it?

So I think it's brilliant. I've seen how you flourished. You meet new, met new people which have now become friends. You're out and about the whole time. Your social life is just completely expanded. So it's kind of helped me realize it's the right decision for both of.

Us and how do we cope being apart?

That's difficult. That's the million dollar question, isn't it? No record each other every day. We message every morning so we're still in contact. It's, it's the same like if I was at work and you just said, oh, how's your day going? It's pretty Much the same. It's just a little bit longer.

Yeah. And if there were anyone who's watching this video and they might be in a similar situation where one person can travel for longer and the other calm, what would your advice be to them?

I'd say trust the foundation you've built. Definitely establish communication that works for both of you. Like for us, it's every day. We like to keep in touch. And I'd say embrace the opportunity for your own growth. I've reconnected with old friends. I go out a lot more with them. So it's a big win for both of us. Solo adventure isn't just one sided. Both of you expand in different ways and come back together in the relationship with new experiences. It just helps re energize it. And absence does make the heart grow fonder.

Now, I don't want you to feel too sorry for me because I've been really fortunate and made an amazing circle of friends. And I feel like South Africa is a really friendly place where it is quite easy to meet people because it's such an outdoor culture so you can join hiking groups, there's a huge kind of coffee culture here.

And.

And once you meet one person and they bring you into their circle, then you suddenly are building a bigger friendship circle. And that is exactly what I have done. And I'm in a fortunate position now where I actually turn down social invites because as I said earlier, I do enjoy some balance between socializing with people and actually spending a little bit of time on my own. And Cape Town itself has a thriving expat community and a really big digital nomad community. So you will find here and lots of other countries as well, lots of people who are in a similar boat to you and are welcome to bring you into their friendship circle.

So I really quickly want to tell.

You how I developed my group of friends. So I had an old client who used to come out here every year with her husband. Hi Jane, if you're watching. And one year she introduced me to one of her friends, Andrew. Hi Andrew, if you're watching. Who has a similar background to me, ran a marketing agency and so on. And I got really well with Andrew, spent lots of time with him, and then of course he invited me out to with other friends and quickly my circle grew. So if you are considering traveling on your own and you don't know anybody, then join Facebook groups for the location that you're going to and you can find Facebook groups of all sorts of interests. Also look at things like meetup and look for things and activities that are going on. So there are, for example here, lots of hiking groups, there are gay groups. There's actually a gay business networking event that happens every month I've been to a couple of times. So there are all always lots of things to do and lots of communities that you can join where all you need to do is meet one person and get on well with them and then they will slowly introduce you to their network of friends as well. So you might have thought about doing all of that, or maybe you're a bit fearful of doing some of that stuff and you're worried about feeling lonely abroad. I totally get it. I have definitely been through that as well. So there are a number of things that I do to help me stay connected and grounded. So, first of all, James and I speak on video call at least once a day, usually twice a day. And of course we're swapping messages during the day, just going, how's your day going? And at the end of the day sharing what's gone on. I find also that having a routine is really good for me. So I get up at the same time about 7 o', clock, 7:30 most mornings. I make my coffee, I do a little bit of work, I always go to the gym around lunchtime. And you just feel like you're surrounded by a community of people. And I also find just getting out and about is really important. Going for a walk on the Sea Point promenade in the evening when everybody's out and about and it feels really hustling and bustly and you just kind of feel grateful to be part of that community. So I found having that routine is really important. And I make sure, as much as I love our apartment, I make sure every single day I am going to be getting out. In fact, in a moment I'm just going to be heading down to the gym. After recording this video, I think you also need to challenge your mindset when you are traveling alone. I remember the very first time I plucked up courage to go to a restaurant in the evening ordering a meal for one, and I took my Kindle with me so I had something to do and read. And of course it's all in your mind. No one's bothering and paying any attention to you. It's just what you're telling yourself. And then I thought to myself, why do I not find it difficult going to a coffee shop in the morning or for lunch? But I found it difficult going for dinner alone in the evening. So you just have to challenge that mindset. And that thinking and realize that not everybody is judging you. And also when we have those moments of fomo, you don't know that everyone's having a great time and you're not. It's just, again, a story you tell yourself to make you feel bad about the situation you're in. So if you recognize that half the challenge of traveling alone is mindset and you put yourself out there to meet more people, then you are definitely going to find that you enjoy solo travel and you meet more people. I think the other thing, as I've developed my network of friends, is that you have to give as much as you take. So I get invitations to go to dinner, but of course, occasionally I need to make sure that I am inviting people around for dinner. In fact, last night we had six of us here, and it was great. The other thing is, of course, if people do invite you out to things and you constantly say no, then very quickly they are going to stop inviting you. So the first obvious tip for anywhere you go in the world is to make sure that you are putting safety first and that you follow some basic rules. And number one is, I wouldn't walk around with loads of cameras and jewelry on me and my phone in my hand or sticking out my back pocket because you're asking for trouble. Then the second thing is I rarely walk at night, even though it's pretty safe around here. As I've said before, Ubers are super, super cheap. And so wherever you are, make sure that you know how to get around using a taxi or an Uber or Bolt or whatever the taxi company is in the country that you're in. I very rarely carry cash on me anymore. We live in a cashless society, especially in South Africa. You really don't need any cash. So I can pay for everything either on my watch or on my phone, and so I'm not walking around with a bulky wallet poking out the back pocket. Another mistake I've made that you should definitely make sure you don't do is when you're driving, keep your doors locked, but also make sure you've got your driving license and any car rental papers with you. Because the only place I've ever been stopped in my life is in South Africa, and I didn't have my driving license on me. And then you have 24 hours to show up to a police station with your driving license, which is a pain in the backside. So make sure you understand some of those rules in the country that you're in when it comes to location and accommodation for solo Travels travellers. I recommend staying in a place that you can walk around easily and get to the places that you want to. And also stay in a B and B where there are other people, because where you're having sort of communal breakfast, it's easy to start talking to people. But make sure you do your research and stay in an area that you like. So when we first came to Cape Town, we stayed in the CBD area, the this kind of business district of South Africa, and it's a bit more gritty and it was definitely very quiet at night, so you didn't feel so safe. Whereas where I am now, in Bantry Bay, Sea Point, it's much more lively. There's a lot more things going on, it's more touristy, so it's busy in the evenings as well. And I definitely feel a lot safer here. And then finally, look at the apps that you need to download before you come here. So obviously I've got Uber and Bolt on my phone. I've also got the Escom, the electricity company, so I know if there's going to be any power cuts. But look at other apps that you might use. So let's just wrap this short video up with my final thoughts. Solo travel in your 50s and 60s is definitely very different to backpacking in your 20s. And I think that's a good thing because I think as we get older, we get more comfortable in our skin, we've got more wisdom and more sense about us and it's a massive adventure. I think as we get older, we can very much stay in our comfort zone and that zone gets smaller over time. But actually pushing yourself slightly outside of your comfort zone is where you experience wonderful things and I have absolutely loved this aspect of my life. Yes, of course. I wish James were here with me and we have a plan in the not too distant future to make that happen. But he wouldn't stop me doing this because he knows I can and he can't. So I am embracing solo travel in my 60s and. And the adventures that it brings. So would I recommend you being a solo traveler? Well, absolutely. And to be honest, there's something really empowering about discovering a new place on your own and doing it at your own pace and having this kind of slow travel, which is what this is, rather than being on holiday and feeling like you need to go to a million places when you're actually somewhere on your own, you can do things at your own pace. And I think that is fantastic. You can ultimately be as selfish as you want to be. I'VE learned that the world doesn't narrow as we age, it absolutely opens wider. We just have to be brave enough to step through that door. Now, the first step can feel really daunting, but I promise you, once you take that first step, there's so much adventure and excitement and new things to discover and a way of expanding your world rather than letting it shrink as we get older. So have you ever traveled to solo, or are you thinking about traveling solo? I'd love to know what your thoughts are, where you went and would you do it again? So please do leave a comment, but otherwise, it's James and Rob signing off for now, and we will see you next week.