Ep16_How to be in business with your romantic partner

Have you ever thought about how much you'd like to say but never knew where to begin? Well, Neon Bloom Productions is the place for you. They provide services like podcast production, vocal training, translation and consultancies. They've produced a number of super diverse and up and coming podcasts within africa. Go to www.neonbloom.co za for more information and awesome podcasts, including this one that is www.neonbloom.Co.za. neon Bloom Productions. We make your voice hear. Hi everybody. Welcome to our podcast, Black Woman Business. I know you've missed me. I know you've missed me, but I've missed you too. And I thought, what a way to come back. I really, really am so happy to be talking about this topic today. A lot of people have been asking me about it and I thought to myself, why not? Let's do it for the first episode of the Comeback. So you with Tulum Guevile as usual. And today we're going to be discussing how to be in business with your romantic partner. Oh, guys, you've been asking me about this. And recently my husband and I had our anniversary and people were just asking, asking, asking, especially when they saw the picture is asking me like, how do you guys keep it going with business and a relationship? I mean, we've been married for guess it's. Yes, married for 14 years.

So.

Yeah. And before that we were dating for like five years. So that's been our journey. And because I've been away from you guys for so long, I have a wonderful surprise for you. Yay. I have my wonderful partner here with me. Super. Say hello.

Hello everybody. This is Tolly's man.

Okay, guys, so today, like I said, we're gonna talk about how to be in business with your romantic partner. So these are the headings we're going to be covering. Today is the beginning. How it starts. Roles, the power struggle. Dilute or separate. Respect the journey. And then we're gonna have some closing statements. Okay, guys, let me not keep you waiting for too long. Let's go right into it. So basically, we're gonna talk about how it starts. The beginning of the whole process of discovering that do want to be in business with your partner. Obviously it comes from. From outside maybe just being fascinated with some problems you can resolve. Maybe you run into a trouble and it's something that you feel like you can fix. And while talking about it with your partner, obviously you stumble upon the fact that he could assist here, he can assist there. It sounds so exciting. That moment, it's so energetic, like we talk about our dreams like it's like in the future, but not really. I mean, if you need something solved and other, you know that other people also need that. It's very exciting to know that it's something that you can do. And usually your partner will chip in and say, oh, I can bring this for you. And then you start putting in an active role for him to participate in that dream. And I don't know for you, CP is already yawning. Really, guys? So sip, I don't know for you, what do you think? Like what. What is the beginning stages of trying to get your partner into business?

Emma, just sell the idea first. As soon as they know exactly where you're going, it makes it much better for the other person actually to join you on your journey. Also, if you share inspirations, you are able to. Able to see what you need at some point, some opportunities, you won't be able to see them. But your partner, knowing what you've already told, this is what I would like to have or what one or want to be in the future that that seed we've created, it really empowers the other pattern to. About the other partner to us to want to assist you and be part of your journey.

Yeah, but I mean, that's a little bit different for us. Remember how it started? Because when I met with cp, I was like in matric and he was this guy staying in this house by himself and he was running a business, a printing, trying to do Internet. And for me, I really didn't take him seriously. I was so like, what is this guy doing? I didn't think of running your own business as a career, you know? And I remember when he. When you asked me if we could get married, I said like, dude, get yourself a job and then we can talk. And we did that and we were so like into our careers until it dawned on me that, no, I must step out of this and now try to explore business. How did you feel about that when I was the one now that wants to get back onto.

Oh, wait, wait, wait, let me go back.

Okay.

While we're dating, I asked you one question. I asked you, what do you want to become? You told me that you wanted. Wanted to be a business person. Businesswoman. That was the seed, okay, that was implanted on your head at that time.

Okay.

So I knew the future hold itself would bring it to being. So the time you came to me and said, listen man, I want to be in business, I knew from the day we met, if you're Dating. You told me you want to be a business person.

Yes.

So since then, I was not surprised.

Okay.

You just followed your own world. That is what you want to be with your life. You told me then, so now I was willing to actually support and make it happen. That's why we were. That's why. That's why we're here today.

Oh, I appreciate that. I. I appreciate that. Thank you so much. So you see, I'm gonna go into this deeper when we. Into the power struggles. But you see, Usipe mesmerizes people with this soft undertone and soft voice. And sometimes he does tend to stutter times, and it draws people in because people think that he is so soft. Between me and I in the business, people will think that he's the softer one or he's the lighter one. He's even fooled our families with that one. I mean, our parents think that he.

Oh.

But this guy with this soft voice, he's the whole one that will muscle things through the aggressive moments in business. Sometimes I just feel like it's completely unnecessary. And yes, our stuff will tell you. Our stuff will tell you that he's the one that's a bit more harsh. Also, our kids will tell you. But I just wanted to make that come through so that people don't think because you're talking so nice and so soft that I'm the one that is, you know, aggressive. Anyway, moving on, I just wanted to talk a bit more about the roles, guys, how to be in business with your partner. This thing about the roles. We must respect each other's roles, and you must let the other person do what they can do and what they wish to do or something that excites them or their strengths in the business. It's very important to be cognizant of that and let the person play their role. You know, just let them. Let them be. Nobody lecturing the other on what they must do or what, how they must move. When I talk about roles, guys, I'm not talking about me standing in the kitchen, bare feet and pregnant. No, if he is more comfortable being in the kitchen, bare feet, and me making him pregnant, let's let him do that, you know, so sometimes you see that a person thrives in doing certain tasks, you know, certain aspects. And I remember when we first started being in business together, which was like 2016, right? I used to be so annoyed with how you want everything to be perfect, especially when it comes to paperwork and documentation. This guy will drive you crazy looking at the same thing, making sure it's absolutely perfect before we send it off. And I'm just like, time, dude.

It's called compliance. Make sure every document they require is detailed, clear and concise. They won't miss it. That's how we lose the tenders on opportunities.

Yeah. Well, I must say, after you submitted our first document, it was our first tender that we were going for swelling. Yes. And we got awarded that one, although we didn't make any money from that. But I mean, for. For me, from my side, I recognize that. Okay. No, this thing that you like to do on being so pedantic about documentation and records, you know, it's something that could really make us win or really make us come through beautifully. So I really, really appreciated that. So also, this thing of. Of the roles, what I really want to circle around is the fact that I love that we, when we do our roles, we always complement each other. Like, dude, I was say, yes, sir, you had my back, you know, otherwise this thing would have fallen apart, you know, and just to recognize the other person so that they know, you know, what they're doing. Right. And it's almost every day for us. We're not perfect. I mean, we do a hell of a lot more fighting over these. But when the good times come, it's good to acknowledge, you know, I remember this morning, even when I was looking for the contract, all of the contract, I know for sure that I would have had like three hours to sit on that email looking for all our contracts. But I. You told me exactly where to find them and how you had filed them online and all of those things. So I mean, just to recognize guys, recognize each other's strengths and give the person a heads up or a high five, you know, when it comes to that and when it comes to roles, which is why I had to take like the whole morning, try to convince the siphe to join me on this because apparently it's my strength to speak and not his on podcast anyway. Because he speaks more at home.

Really, guys, do you want to hear my voice?

Seriously, relax.

Okay. It's okay. It's okay. I just want to add on. On the walls, you know, the. Each person must just know their strength. I think that's what is important. If you master that, your life will be much easier. For some of us are well organized. Others, their strength is on other stuff. Money, accounting, other stuff. But as long as we know certain project requires truly strength, truly must go for it.

Yes.

If it requires my strength, I go for it. That's how we win. Not about fighting whose contract it is. No, we need just to work together at all times and watch over our backs for the two of us are working harder every day.

Yeah, yeah, you are right, Sipe. And also I'm just thinking about how to sacrifice some of the roles in order to make a success of the legacy. Because remember when we started we said, even though we know that it's our business, we're gonna make sure because we heard this whole hype about black women owned business and whatever. And then we said let me be the hundred percent black. The strategy there, you know, also I, for me, you see those, these are the things that really make me love you even more. The fact that you can sacrifice. But it's fine, you know, because we know what is the more big goal here. And we know that this thing of the black women owned actually open quite a few doors. You know, instead of being a male, you know, having a female representative as part of the business and saying it's a hundred percent, then you know, even though we know we are partners, 100.

It'S very good to understand the policy. What works could not work. That's the only way you can win. You must know the game and work with the good lines.

Yes. And obviously that is based on the type of businesses that we were going for. We were so hyped up about tenders and we thought it's the thing at the time. So that's why we did that whole thing. So guys, doesn't mean by if you're going, you must be under. No, no, it doesn't have to.

You make your own choices.

Yes.

And receive work.

And also based on the type of, of of business that you're going for. And then I'm gonna move on to the next, to the next one, the next heading, which is the power struggle. Power struggle between home life, between the romance, between work life. You know.

Now guys, there's no such a CEO for the company is a CEO in their own office there in my house, the CEO is me, the man of the house. There is no mistake about that. There's no power struggles. It's clear the man of the house is me, the CEO. When I step out of the yard going to a company, it becomes truly. I respect that. So we need to understand where we are in the food chain.

You know, I sometimes get the lines a little bit blurred when we go into some serious meetings. Sometimes not even serious. Even our weekly meetings with our staff. I sometimes would, would just say, oh, my husband. And he really gets upset. He doesn't like me when we are in a work environment, to point him out as my husband, we must refer to him as per his position, which is operations manager. So those are the other things that we struggle with when it comes. I do struggle with the blurred lines. He knows exactly. And he will point it out, apparently. I wouldn't say I want to take over your manly jobs, really. I don't carry heavy things. And you can do the homework. It's okay. You can also cook. In fact, you can take on all the roles.

I can do all the roles in the house. There's no much fight about those roles. If one is tired, can't cook today, I can cook. If one day I'm feeling very exhausted. She can cook. She can do whatever I do if I'm not available.

Yeah, guys, another thing that I noticed when I speak with other couples is that whole story of, no, I did this, but I. I had to be the one that travels. I had to be the one that does this. You know, guys, I think that thing just is. So it just spoils the whole thing. Or you want to point out, if you're the one that cooked, you wanted to be him that dishes really already in that spirit of cooking, continue to dish, Continue to go the extra mile as far as you can, you know, because you have the feeling. I just find that it's much easier to. To do it that way. Because also remember, will go overboard when the roles are like that. Like when the. There's no power struggle. Basically, a person will actually do exceedingly with whatever they wanted to do. And if you're gonna start pointing out, but I did 3, 4, 5, why.

Should you do today?

It doesn't work.

Who buys the food? Who cares? Just get the food here and make it cooked.

And, you know, so those are the other things to watch out for, you know, and also giving yourself account on who's doing what, who's doing that, it kind of kills the vibes or the flow. The flow of things, you know, because if you know that I'm the one seeing this. Pick it up. If you feel like picking it up. I mean, you are there, you are there. So it's just a matter of owning these things. But also another thing that I think could be a power struggle can fall into this topic is the whole story of your approach to business or to clients and to suppliers and to staff. Overall, I find that, like I said at the beginning, you know, people love to give you the credit of being the softer one until they make a few discoveries around the Corner.

No, I'm very nice. I'm very nice person. It's just that when you are in negotiating, people, they just try to bombus. You take over and they're forgetting that I stand for my company and I don't play. When you talk about my money, then I don't play.

So we have lots of discussions around these type of things. And usually I tend to be the softer one. Like I said before, Sipha's got our families fooled thinking that he's an angel on rings. But you know what, when it comes to this, we have lots of very deep, deep discussions about this. And what I'm actually starting to learn is that we deal with most of our customers, especially the big corporate. They, they are men led. Led by men. And usually there's a dynamic that takes place there and it turns to be a pissing context at some point where people working with their egos, you know, and it just looks like a very intense moment. Something that I don't usually participate very well in because I've got that whole thing, the customer is always right. And also with the supplier, I really want to get into good terms with the supplier. And I try to really mow everything and make sure that everything is tame, everything is nice. It's very difficult to achieve, really, because sometimes it gets to a point whereby you. They see that you're being so soft and so nice and they actually wanna, you know.

They abuse you. That's the word.

Yes, that's the word. They want to abuse you.

That's why I come in. I look at the contracts, I look at the scope, I look at everything.

And it becomes very important because sometimes I remember was one of our very big clients, the client just to leave our contract, just cancel our contract and everything. And I was just like, you know what? It's fine. They giving us too much of a headache. Let's, it's okay. Let's cancel this contract. Because then now they want to involve other things that were not initially in the agreement. And I said, no, it's fine. Oh, Sipa was just like, no, they need to pay us out for this contract because I mean, they can't just leave. It led to litigation, obviously. A. I was completely against the entire process.

But you cannot be against that. I am the publisher manager. I understand the contract. I know what they did wrong. So I have the muscle to fight.

Yeah. So we involved litigation and we took that whole route that I was dreading. But since he understood the terms and also SIP has got a corporate, corporate governance background. So because of that he knows all the rules and stuff to do with contracts, which is very complicated for me and very complex. And for me, you know what? As a woman in. In business it's just. I've just got bad memories with when it comes to fighting with corporates and things like that. If you remember very well, if you remember very well, I was in one of the corporates that I worked in and I was working shift and during night shift one of my superiors came into the bathroom at 3am you remember that? And also like they knew that I'm the only lady in a shift of about 20 and this guy is coming all the way from the other side of the plant to come to my bathroom. And obviously I was compromised because remember it was a messy type of plant where you take a shower often and there were showers in there and the guy got in there while I was done with my shower. And when I reported that I was put through hell as a woman was by that corporate. In fact I ended up leaving that company. So when I think about litigation and just getting involved in a messy situation, I would really rather not. But I think sometimes Usipe just gets a kick out of trying to challenge these things and pulling out the contract. This guy can read a contract.

No, the only problem with that one with yours. Those guys were they wanted the only challenge with your contract. Those guys, they wanted to get rid of you. So if ever they going to get rid of you. There's so much stuff that you lose in that contract. Also your name Mazar it. So that's the reason we fought.

Yeah.

You know, until. Until we won. That was only reason we're fighting for.

I know. But ultimately this is one of the things that I usually congratulate you for especially that stepping in like that. Because if you think about it, that actually ended up being. Well now our relationship with that huge corporate is very good.

Beautiful.

A beautiful relationship. We after involving litigation they withdrew the that whole stint and we just continued in a very beautiful decided if you.

Want to stay or not. You said you want to quit after winning the case, you know, so. So it feels good to win.

Yeah.

And I know it's not as easy thing to do, but sometimes it was one or there's no other way of. Of not doing it. You just need to clear your name.

Yeah.

Especially if they are playing with your money. I'm nice until you want to take money from me. There's a problem there. Then the issue starts.

And then. Yeah, so that. That whole thing of the litigation for Me really. And I know how you also handle some of our customers that really take a ride on us. And we are so different in these and how we approach them. And, and just the other day I was saying remember to you that it's either we must choose my route or your route. Because this thing of trying to mix the 22 and diluting them, it's not good because we start off with a, with your aggression and then in the end we are just like it's okay guys.

And it works. It does, it works. Because I remember the, of the company who tried to cancel us, you know, the first meeting over their conversation, we killed them. They were so fear, they were fearful of us. Our next meeting they were asking us guys, do you have anything to say? Because we grew them nicely the first time around. This one around. We didn't want to fight with them. You just wanted. They must just was in the contract and we stayed it.

Yeah. Also another thing that I've noticed is Sippy, which could be really good for couples going into business is to sometimes just create the space and to let them be. I mean I was dying to say, ah, we stop it now, let's be nice. And it wasn't my place, you know, it wasn't my place at the time, especially where we were in the process. So it's also just give the other one space to let themselves be and to let themselves out. I remember what you usually say to me is like when we go through these things with companies or with life's trials and tribulations, like when we come out, out of the battle, how will we look at each other?

You know, that is very important to us.

That's very important. So we're going to go into battle and sometimes we will say, say the harshest things. But afterwards you must remember like how are we going to look at each other after this thing?

Exactly.

So basically just moving on. Whether to dilute or to separate business or to how to move on to the next thing. How. When do we really decide? I hear a lot of people talking about let's separate business from home life. Let's separate home life from business. We try and do like as you heard the door opened, that was our 6 year old. Two seconds later the door opened, it was our 11 year old. How do you separate? You know, do you separate? Is there a way of separating such to separate business? Don't talk about business on the bed, don't talk about business in the kitchen. We stop talking about business at the factory.

Guys, I won't Lie. We sleep, eat, dying business every week or because remember these things comes up anytime I can be sitting in my bed as a email. Something I must address in the mornings in my house, in my way to school, at work, everywhere. The only place I'm saying that now when we are sleeping. We don't talk about business when you're going to bed. That now there a new policy. No, no, no, no. There's so much we talking about a lot of business work.

No, because if I remember ourselves.

So there's business, there's personal.

No, it's a mix.

It's a mix. So in the bedroom we must chat about nice things that makes us feel happy. No business nonsense. There's no other stuff, just good things.

I don't know if that works though. But okay, we'll see. We starting? We're starting. But otherwise it got so bad. Like remember when I'm right in the middle of a kiss, I was telling sir to this. When I'm right in the middle of the kiss, then I remember. Did you send that email?

I'm like what's wrong with you? No man. No, no, no, no, no. Please calm down. You are in my house.

I need laughing you to you to.

Be here to be here in my chest. No business.

I'll be like no doji. That email is very important. Obviously the mood is gone now. After that it was just like don't.

Forget who you wake me up at 4am asking me for that email. I have to Ch at 4am to send a bloody email in the morning?

No, because I've been asking you for four weeks to be sending that email.

Listen, I've been driving that email to perfection.

Oh you see guys, this is what I'm talking about. This what?

Talking about writing a draft for many times but fighting. So yeah, I have to draft it nicely in a not in fighting way. Try to be nice to them at the same time. They must understand. Get a beautiful picture. It was just a lot on it.

So this thing of diluting or separating, we are about to attempt it.

Otherwise we've tried many times. Doesn't work.

No, we have, we have. I will actually put some serious effort. Cuz I know that I actually do that and you've just mentioned the 4am.

Let me sleep enough my hours. I'm not at work. Anything I miss at work, do not remind me in my house, please.

Drafted even for four weeks, man.

Hey, hey. This is the certain way I have to work that thing, guys.

And then I'm gonna be moving on to that Next one, which is respect your journey. When we're talking about respect your journey is that it's not always going to stay happy, it's not always going to stay down. You're not always going to stay in the fighting mode. Unless. Yes. Guys, you really practice that thing of getting cross for days. Like really? Who does that? That's so out of fashion. Tina. We don't have the luxury. There's three kids here that literally came in here three times during only this 30 minutes, what you call interview. So we don't have the luxury to stay close at each other or even longer than an hour, you know, so we gotta get it moving. We gotta get it moving.

It can be tense. Very tense.

Can be very tense.

Can be very, very tense. Business is personal.

It is a lot.

Also. There's intimacy there.

Yeah, intimacy also affected.

He is a lot young, but we move, we move sooner get over the bed.

The sooner we get over it, the better. And also understanding each other's position about what are you thinking? Like, because sometimes I found that you miss each other's real interpretation because you don't get time to actually sit and understand. Obviously it won't happen in the midst of it all, you know, in the midst of the battle. It will only happen after you have calmed down and whatever.

Yeah.

But it's very important to get yourself heard and also not to be a too long when you talking and trying to explain yourself. Don't over indulge because you're gonna lose the person and then also they also gonna forget what they actually wanted to say or wanted. Wanted to carry out of this whole conversation. Too long speech.

Let's get done with it.

Yeah. So let's get done. Respect the journey, guys. There's tough times, there's hard times, ups and downs, just like the relationship. Also, even if things don't work out as a couple, there are good moments where you can still function optimally as a team because you know how to embrace each other's strengths. That's something to always really think about. And moving on to the closing statements, I'd like you to have something to say to our viewers that they can carry on how to be in business with your partner. With your romantic partner. Yeah, I thought that is also a very valid one. If you leave us with something, remember we creating something timeless. Yeah. We also on a documentary just like Kanye in 10 years, maybe some people will be listening to this and be like, wow, you guys.

I know, I know. I think our listener must understand that we are different as partners. So let let your partner shine when the time comes. And let your men shines when the time comes. And work together for harmony. And believe in yourself, yourself. Believe in your skills. Believe in what you want to achieve in your life. It's all, it's only, it's only you can make it possible and make it work. It's your life is your journey. You know it better than any other person.

Thank you so much. Mr. That was such a lovely closing line. Very lovely closing line. I won't disturb it with my words. Guys, I really, really hope you enjoyed this insert. I, I, I really, really enjoyed this insert it. Okay, guys, have a good one. Thank you so much. Goodbye.

Bye.