Achieving Your Goal Takes More Than Being SMART!

There's great debate over whether or not someone needs to set goals for themselves. Some say it can decrease motivation or even put someone into a hyper state of overachievement, which isn't necessarily good. But like anything, it's really how you go about it that makes all the difference in the world. And I want you to decide what the value, the importance, the pitfalls, and whether or not goal setting is a viable part of your day in, day out, especially when it comes to your career and especially when it comes to your team members who also want to have something to aspire to, something to target for, something to be measured against. And so this isn't going to be how do I set goals, but more so really addressing the value, the importance, even the pitfalls of goal setting. Stay with us. Welcome, welcome, welcome to Shading the Corporate Bitch. The podcast that transforms female corporate executives into powerhouse leaders by showing them how to shed the challenges and overwhelm along with any fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negativity holding them back. I'm your host, Bernadette Boas of Ball of Fire Coaching, bringing you powerhouse discussions each week to share tips, advice, and sometimes tough love so you create the riches in your work and life you deserve. Over the last several episodes, we've been talking everything leadership. We've talked performance reviews. At the beginning of the year, we even talked about setting SMART goals. And you might want to refer back to that episode. It was the first week of January to kick off the year to kind of learn the how-to of goal setting. But what I really wanted to spend time with you today talking about is something that because of the performance review discussions that I've been having with clients, we are having a lot of in-depth conversations around goals, the value of them, the importance of them, the negativity around them, the struggle people have with goal setting. And so I just thought it would be important, not necessarily the how-to and the struggle. Again, you can go back to that episode and check that one out, but more so kind of put on the table what is the value and the importance, but the pitfalls of goal setting and let you decide for yourself. So first off, I really want to first mention I can't recall a time I didn't have goals for myself. I was sitting here earlier kind of mapping to my earliest memory, even with my father specifically. And my brothers and sisters, majority of us— I have 11— majority of us were swimmers, and so competitively. And I basically was kind of like put up on the side of the pool and pushed in from my dad, almost sink or swim, and landed up, you know, swimming like crazy to the point where I think I was 4 or 5 when I joined the swim team. So he set us goals as to what he wanted us to achieve. Now, in regards to a pitfall of overachievement, he never wanted us to do it to the point of mental stress, physical stress, lack of motivation, you know, feeling beat up if we didn't win. That wasn't what my father wanted. He was a physical activity coach for many years. He simply wanted us to have a goal which would be get across that pool or to win or to be a team member of a lot of various reasons why he always wanted us in sports and activities. So I can't, I mean, my earliest memory is of him setting a goal of actually sinking or swimming. That was a goal, right? Sink or swim. Another goal was, can you make it across the pool in one breath. That was the time of not breathing when you were swimming. But anyway, so I can't remember a time I didn't have goals. So it's kind of a natural part of my being. But I totally understand why people question it. And I totally understand both sides of the equation of the value and the importance, but also the pitfalls. That we can get into. So let's look at why you would want them as a way of motivating and, and helping you to kind of frame your reasoning. But I want you to keep in mind, because I'm talking to professional leaders here, many of you have employees that work for you, some of you don't. But at the same time, you don't need to have anyone direct reporting to you or assigned to you in order for you to have influence or even mentoring or coaching another. And one of those objectives might be for them to establish goals for themselves. So some of the whys. Well, the first why— this is my big reasoning as to why there's value and importance to goal setting. And that is actually why. W-H-Y. Why are you getting up each and every morning, whether it's for work or it's for home time, family time, yourself time? And why are you actually on this earth? Like, why are you one, going to work so hard? Why are you going to engage and interact with your family and friends? Why are you going to go out and go for that jog or go to the gym or go out to that social event? Really understanding your purpose on this earth is one of the biggest values and reasonings for having a goal. Because if you just got up out of bed every morning and just went out and did your thing, came home, laid on the couch, went to bed, got up and started doing it all over again, well, One, you'd be in a state of like Groundhog Day. But another thing is it would be very empty, very shallow. And now I want to kind of put it into more concrete context when it comes to you and your team. If you as a leader— fine, you don't have goals for yourself. I'm not here to judge. However, if you don't have and set goals for your people, then one of the pitfalls would be that they would lose and not have actually any sort of direction, any sort of meaning themselves for what it is that they're working so hard for. So going back to the value and the importance is it provides you an opportunity for you to really sit down. And it's what I spend a great deal of time coaching on with my clients is to really allow an individual, allow you to sit down on your own and really think through what is my purpose? Why am I in this role? Why do I have this team? Why am I doing this work? Why am I with this company? Why am I in this field? And then you can even continue to ask yourself questions like, Why am I not succeeding? Why am I succeeding? To then eventually formulate really your purpose and your why as far as who you are and what you want out of this life. Because immediately as you start to get your arms wrapped around with that purpose, that why, all of a sudden you're going to be like, okay, well, I need to start working toward achieving that purpose or that why if I don't have it right now. And so once you make that decision, the next thing you know, you're like, okay, then I'm going to put a plan together. And you might not call it goal setting, but that's what it is. I'm going to put a plan together that I want to achieve X and I want to do it by Y. And how I'm going to track myself is 1, 2, and 3. And the next thing you know, you're all of a sudden in the process of goal setting because you have a purpose and you have your why. And now you're even gaining more and more confidence around what you're doing and why you're doing it. And gaining that type of confidence will allow you on the worst of days, the worst of days, the most stressful days, the most chaotic of days, the most unappreciated of days, it'll allow you to kind of take a deep breath and say, you know what? Yeah, this really sucks right now, but dot, dot, dot, my purpose, my why. All right. So it helps you also to really be persistent and push through and be resilient to any obstacle, any challenge, any just headache. That might come up because you know why you're doing it. I want to give you one more quick example of this too, is I get asked all the time, especially from family and friends and colleagues who know kind of what I've been working on for so long when it comes to shedding the bitch. This program, this work that I do, my books, my film scripts, you know, all of this that has just been activity that I've been doing for the last 12 years. And they'll continually ask me why, when it really hasn't amounted to, you know, a great deal of income or revenue or selling my assets. So there isn't kind of an exit yet from it. So they're regularly asking me why. Well, my why is why I do it. And, you know, and I won't take your time right now explaining that, but my why is what allows me to deal with the highs and the lows. And when I say lows, I mean lows. And yet at the same time, when there's highs, there's highs. But it is hard. And anything that you want, your goals, your purpose, your why, anything that you want is going to be hard. If it wasn't, then we'd all be— define your success framework— we'd all be, you know, the success that we want. So one core value and reasoning for having goals is it gives you an opportunity to learn and focus on your purpose and your why. But then again, I said it, focus. So the next value of goals is it gives you focus. You get really crystal clear. It's amazing how crystal clear you will get when you really understand what it is and why it is you're doing what you're doing and you're doing it as hard as you're doing it or as lightly as you're doing it. It gives you laser focus to then be able to look at plans, look at priorities, look at tasks, look at assignments being given to you, look at obligations that you have on your calendar or requests that are being made of you. Look at all the demands people have of you and you get crystal clear on what you say yes or no to. Not even maybe, but yes or no to, because it really sets the direction, sets your direction as to where you should be spending all your time and energy on, because you understand that why and that purpose and therefore those goals that ultimately come. You can try to avoid them, but it's not going to happen. You can try to avoid them, but you will eventually be led back to them. As a result of your purpose why, which gives you that focus. And then that can lead into you really getting a great deal of attention, attention put to your intention. So if your intention is to do 1, 2, 3, B, A, B, C, pursue X, Y, and Z, then your attention and your focus gets put on that intention. Makes sense. So again, you get to really understand your purpose and your why. You really put focus on it. That allows you to really put attention to what's important, what's not important. And then you'll be very intentional as to where you put your time, where you put your efforts, where you put your energy, where you put your heart. Where you put your brain, all aspects of your life. Okay. And then, of course, when you have goals and they demand of you things that either you're comfortable with or maybe even uncomfortable with, it provides a vehicle for you to start having new behaviors, new habits, new routines, new disciplines as a result of that focus, intention, and attention. You'll also need to adjust and shift your behaviors, the way you go about business, even at work or even at home. It will create new forms of thought and mindset and attitude, of which then starts kind of almost like— I want to say mud, but that's not the word I'm looking for. Oh, just like clay. You're being sculpted into a different human being, a different you, as a result of you having this clarity and this focus and the attention and intention being put toward it. The next thing you know, you start behaving differently. I'll give you a real quick example that I'm experiencing right now. Back at the beginning of the year, my new goal was to get really focused on why I do what I do when it comes to eating and overall kind of being healthy, whether it's fitness or eating and their lack of cooking and doing things consciously and intentionally. So I've been using Noom since the beginning of the year, and Noom is all about rewiring your brain and therefore creating new behaviors, new habits, new routines, new disciplines, new mindset. And as a result of that goal of I am going to for 6 months on a daily basis, really loyal and dedicated to using Zoom each and every day for all the things that it's known for and really kind of find out, measure my progress from when I started to 6 months out and see what happens, how I'm transformed. And it's been transformative because of the focus, intention, and attention I'm putting toward it because of the goals that I have set. And therefore, I've dropped 7 pounds in what? It's been about 6 weeks and I'm feeling great. And I do have some, some new behaviors and routines as a result. So great value and great importance put to why goals are important. It helps you also— goals help you to keep motivated, keep momentum toward what it is you're trying to accomplish. I'm one for vision boards, which are goals, right? Because I'm very visual and I'm one for putting down my goals in SMART goals, as we call them here in Ball of Fire coaching. Again, you can go back to our first week of the year's podcast that was all around setting SMART goals. And so goals, you know, all of a sudden you have that goal, you define it as detailed as possible, you put those measurements and that time limit to it, meaning you're going to do something by some date. Well, that's extremely motivating. That creates a great deal of momentum. Now, But there's a right and wrong way of doing it. And that's what that episode really goes into. There's a right way and wrong way of doing it. But at the same time, if you've set your goals right and you have those measurements, you have those actions, and you have the time-bound, the time limit you put on it, it can be extremely motivating and giving you all the momentum you need to stay focused and achieve it. All right. So you get motivation. And then, of course, I don't know about you, but I love being rewarded. I love being rewarded. I don't even mind being held accountable to my misses, but I love being rewarded too. And so I'll go back to Noom for a second and give you an example of the consequences and the rewards. So the rewards are, you know, if you do certain activities every day for a certain number of days, I haven't actually paid attention to how many days that is, but you then get a free treat day. Like you can have a treat, which means you can really like overindulge. And so I think I've compiled like 7 or 8 treats that I haven't even used just because I didn't need them. So I just didn't use them. But it's always exciting to see that badge come up on my screen that says, oh, you've earned a treat. And I get very excited about it. It doesn't take much. But anyway, but then there's consequences too. You know, so the consequences are the fact that you look at the app and you see kind of this, what would I call it, a wheel of achievement. And if you've accomplished everything for a day, it's completely filled in and colored. And I think it's orange. I'm red-green colorblind, so who knows, but I believe it's orange. And yet if it's not, if you didn't achieve the day, then it's just kind of like a 3/4 pie, not a full pie. And I don't like to see that. I don't know about you, but that feels like a consequence to me when I look at it and I didn't achieve something. And so I just kind of look at it and go, okay, so what do I need to do? I don't beat myself up. I don't self-loathe. I just simply say, okay, what do I need to do differently today? So those are all great things to have in your toolkit, are those rewards and consequences. And, you know, ensuring that you have them planned out is something that will also help you maintain that focus and that clarity and that momentum towards what it is you're, you're working toward. Makes sense. So And then lastly, I would say, as part of kind of that accomplishment, is there's nothing better than when you set a goal— say it's to master something, say it's to learn a new skill at work, or it's a new hobby outside of work, even a sport, sporting activity— you know, nothing's better than completing maybe that training, getting that certification, getting a certificate, you know, getting that competition award, whatever the case might be. So there's a degree of self-mastery that you also gain as a result of having goals. And nothing feels better. I do it like I say, I set goals all the time, but I do that toward like pickleball. I do it toward doing improv or acting classes just to stretch myself. I do it to learn new skills in the workplace. In my business. So those are all examples of the value and the importance of goals is finding your purpose and your why, having focus, gaining attention and intention to what it is you're working toward, creating new behaviors, habits, routines, keeping that motivation and the momentum when, when we really feel like giving up. Right. And then, of course, the finally accomplishing it. But as I said, there's pitfalls to kind of all that if you want to kind of generalize. But there's pitfalls as well that people have to be aware of because once you're aware of it, you can make adjustments. Right. Okay. So first, before we get to the pitfalls, though, understand there's various reasons/types of goals that folks set for themselves. So there's different motivations for someone having a goal. So one is to challenge oneself, right? One is to say, okay, I can do this. You know, I can take on that, whatever the case might be. It could be I can take on this new strategy and this new initiative at work and prove that I am a valuable individual, valuable leader. I'm ready for the next opportunity because I'm going to set myself out to take on this challenge that I'm not comfortable with at all. But at the same time, I'm going to do everything that I need to do properly in order to have the support system and the safety that I need to pursue it, make small achievements, and even small failures, but I'm still going to have that confidence and that momentum, though I'm going to have very difficult days at times to achieve that challenge. I did the beginning of last year, I did the 75 Hard Challenge. I don't know if any of you are familiar with it. If not, just look it up. But 75 days you had to do these 10 activities each and every day for 75 days. You miss one. Activity or task, and you have to go back to day one. And that's a story for itself. Yes, I achieved it, but yet I had some unbelievable challenges and obstacles along the way. But boy, did it feel good to challenge myself in that way because it's a mental willpower challenge, not a diet or a fitness challenge. But more willpower, more mastering your, your mindset, which I loved. But okay, so there's those goals that are focused on challenging. There's those goals that are focused on wanting to level up. And this applies a lot of times to at work, leveling up yourself against others, meaning say you are aligned to several peers who are all potential candidates for the next opportunity that comes along. But you decide that you definitely want to stand out. You want to differentiate yourself. You want to prove and kind of demonstrate that you are far more skilled, far more developed, far more leader than someone else. And therefore, you set a goal to work on certain things and to engage with certain individuals, so forth and so on, in order to kind of create yourself and differentiate yourself from other individuals. This can be personal as well as work as well. I tend to do it with pickleball. I tend to always be working and setting goals around being better than someone that I identify who is already much better than I am. And I say, okay, that's my That's my next target, is to get on a court and play equally, if not stronger, than the next person. So there's that. But then there's also what I call negative avoidance goals. And those are, you need to ensure that you work on something and you improve something that maybe you've already gotten negative feedback on or even backlash on. And yet you no longer want that. And therefore you say, okay, I need to work on these things and I need to overcome this. I need to achieve that in order to avoid any type of negativity in the future. Again, I could probably say that, you know, my working on shifting from being a really bitchy corporate tyrant to who I am today was certainly a very intentional goal that I had around 2008 through 2011 and '12, that I was working on that and really understanding what it takes to be a true leader that I wasn't in the past. All right. So understanding those 3 types of goals, let me also share with you some pitfalls and things that you want to avoid when it comes to goal setting. Well, one is what I kind of mentioned earlier, and that is there are overachievers out there. I will raise my hand to that, but it's been a long time since I've been an overachiever. I've gotten very realistic and very controlled around kind of what I pursued and how I pursued it. So for instance, for about 4 or 5 years, I was just intense about being physically fit. I was at the gym 2 times a day and then doing something outside for like a third time or for that seventh day of the week. And I don't know that I missed a day of that in probably a couple, if not several years. I just was avoiding so much else. Talking about avoidance, but I was avoiding so many other things that I just set a goal that I was going to be, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And the next thing you know, I was isolating myself. I was, you know, I was just intense at the gym. You know, I adjusted my eating, so forth. You got the idea. So there's that overachievement, which is extremely unhealthy for many reasons— mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, financially— because It also impeded on my work and the effort and the time I was putting into my work at the time. And so, you know, there's so many downfalls and pitfalls of really being an overachiever. And so if you can scale back and just kind of be graceful to yourself and easy on yourself and create those goals that are going to truly have meaning and purpose and really feed your purpose and your why, then you'll avoid that pitfall. Okay. And then touching on that last one is then there's people turning into more control freaks. You know, they're setting goals that have so many dependencies on them, meaning other people, other external factors, environmental factors, societal factors. That they never are going to achieve their goal and they're just beating themselves to death because they can't control anything outside of their own universe. And therefore it's a major pitfall setting goals. If you are so controlling on thinking that you're going to pursue something that maybe you don't have the buy-in or the support or the access or the funds or whatever the case might be of all of those un-controlling factors that you can't control. So you need to be able to just kind of let go and establish goals that might be a part of that overall goal that you can contain and can control in your own universe. All right. And then there's a pitfall around attachment and meaning that you're taking on goals of and expectations of other people. So other people are telling you that you should be X, Y, and Z. You should be doing, you know, 1, 2, and 3. You should be hanging out and socializing with Joe, Tom, and Sam. And you have no interest deep down inside. None of those goals that other people have for you are your purpose or your why. And you know it. You may not consciously know it, but your body, your mind, your spirit knows it because you're having this internal struggle. Maybe you're miserable. Maybe you're depending on too many negative things, whether that be ugly people, whether that be ugly, you know, drinks or pills or other things. But, you know, because you're living someone else's dreams and goals, you're not living your own, you know. So these goals have been attached to you and you don't know your why. You don't know your purpose enough to where you have the confidence to say, ah, not for me, and define your own goals. So that's a pitfall as well. And then leading from that is the fact that certain people don't want to know their purpose or their why, because if they're not near living it or anywhere near it, close to it, pursuing it, let alone achieving it, then it's— they're all of a sudden feeling that failure. They're feeling that anxiety and that stress of something they haven't even necessarily pursued. So they don't even know if they can or not. But they're so fearful of it that, you know, setting goals, they'll do it, they'll set the goals, but they're really not set toward their purpose or their why because of the fact that they don't want to come face to face with the reality of that goal or that purpose. So I'll give you a quick, for instance, is I am very spiritual and I'm very faith-based. And I, you know, you wonder why they say the fear of God. They put the fear of God in me. Well, because some people don't listen to— call it God, call it whatever you want. I'm not trying to get into any of that, that conversation, but they don't because they don't want to necessarily hear the truth, hear his plan, her plan, hear who it is or see who it is they really are or they really should be living as. And therefore, they don't even pursue or attempt to look for their purpose or why, and therefore their goals at all. And therefore, the goals that they're setting are pretty much artificial. They're ones they're defining for themselves, but they're not true to who they really are or what they really want because they really don't know. They really don't know. I spend a great deal of my coaching time with individuals who just are working to dig in. I call it excavating their soul, dig in and find out who they are. Okay. And then the last one would be underachievement is a pitfall. So if someone has experienced time and time again, setting a goal and missing it. That'll set them up for not even wanting to do it. But say they even want to do it. So they set goals, and oftentimes we inflate what it is that we want to achieve. Weight loss is probably the biggest culprit of this. We say, "Okay, I want to lose 25 pounds." And then, you know, someone will ask them, "Have you ever lost 25 pounds before? Have you ever been to a gym? Have you ever run?" You know, Amile, what have you done to, you know, ever kind of get your weight under control? And they're like, "No, no, no, no, and nothing." Then there's all of a sudden this struggle in not even achieving or underachieving their goal and their plan they have for themselves. And so, again, any one of these reasons—overachievement, being a control freak, you know, attachment, not knowing one's why or purpose, and then underachieving are all pitfalls of goal setting and, and often will keep someone from setting goals, let alone wanting to set goals. But I prefer you to look at the benefits and the value and the importance of goal setting. And if you have to, in any respect, look at it through the eyes of your people? What is the value of, if not you, them having goals, you supporting them defining and creating and tracking and measuring and, you know, achieving their goals? If not for you, at least for your people, because they need all those values and benefits. They need to know why they're doing what they're doing. They need to know why they're working their butts off and You know, they would need to have that direction and have that clarity so they could put that focus, intention, and attention toward it. So then they too can create new behaviors or leverage the skills and the talents and the experiences that they already have towards something that will make them feel valued and important. And then that will continue to give them that motivation to do better and better and better for you. And accomplishments, if they're rewarded, awesome. If it's just a thank you, that is their number one request. If you listen to my program at all, we talk about that a lot. All they want is a thank you. And then at the same time, if they don't achieve and you have some hard feedback to give them, they're okay with that because you were clear and you allowed them the vision and the goals and the objectives and the measurements. And the direction and the coaching and the support and that hard feedback so they're not resistant to it. So if you don't feel— if you're not on board with how valuable and important goals are and beneficial goals are to you and your career today and in the future, then think about your people because they certainly want to know exactly why they're doing what they're doing and what is the end goal that they're working toward. All right. If you should have any challenges, any questions, you want to understand both how to set the goals and then really how to live with them and even pass them down to your team members, then be sure to book a call with me and let's talk. Go to coachmebernadette.com/discoverycall. And let's have a conversation, 15, 20-minute conversation. I'll give you tips, I'll give you strategies, I'll give you a direction. We'll talk through a SMARTY goal-defining process and get you on the road to just loving and having a lot of fun with goals and with goal setting. So I am so honored you were here with us this week, and I look forward to having you for another episode of Shedding the Corporate Bitch. Take care. Bye!