Are You Ignoring Red Flags? Start Listening with Guest, Debbie London!

Blog Talk Radio.

Hello and welcome to Shedding the Bitch Radio, where you can discuss, debate, and get advice on how to discover and shed the bitches of fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negative mindsets so you can realize your dreams and life purpose and create and accelerate the riches you want in life. Join us here live every Tuesday at noon Eastern and dialogue with us at 818-572-2910. You can also chat with us at blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitch or share your stories on our website at sheddingthebitch.com. Whatever the bitch is that's holding you back from living your life to the fullest, it's not worth giving up the riches in life that you deserve. So call in now and let Bernadette Boas know what's holding you back.

818-572-2910. Good day, good day, good day everyone! How are you on this beautiful Tuesday? At least it's here in Atlanta, we're a little bit cloudy but nice. Oh, check it out, what do you call those?

Boomerangs.

Boomerangs. I've got our guest Debbie London in the studio today. How are you, Debbie?

I am wonderful, I'm happy to be here.

Yes, I'm happy to have you as we're both sitting here on our phones trying to multitask. And she's a lot younger than I am, she's very good at multitasking, not me, not so good. We're also in the studio because we're also videotaping this, so be sure, be sure that you check us out on our Shedding the Bitch YouTube channel, and we'll be sure that it's also shared out on our social networks and our website. I am very excited about this week, a little bit scared, a little bit nervous, not about the conversation by the way, it's all about a decision I just recently made, and over the next 5 or 6 weeks, you guys are gonna have to help me kind of get in the game. But so, long story very, very short, I will try, is that— Debbie, you'll get a kick out of this— is that I made plans to go away for a couple weeks to basically a small island in Canada that is basically like a group of cabins but very rustic, and there's no tech, there's no electricity other than a couple hours at night. Oh, uh, there'll be no like Wi-Fi, that means, and no internet and none of that kind of good stuff. And you have to kind of shower in the lake and you do your laundry in the lake and you are pretty much out there. And even my family, because it's a few of my sisters and their families go up, it's my sister's husband's family's island. We'll call it that. It's a piece of land surrounded by water. But they've been going for decades, and I've always thought about it and thought it would be interesting and whatnot. And yet at the same time, there's a few of my siblings that are like, yeah, I won't do that again. And so my nieces and nephews, when I was thinking about doing this, they're like, really? You do know you have to do chores and You have to kind of be kind of off work, off technology, off everything, disconnected. You have to kind of be rustic. So, but I mean, something told me that I had to do it. Something told me that I should do it. And my niece/goddaughter who's graduating medical school, which is why I'm going north to begin with, but that's another story. She said, well, you can get a lot of writing done. So bring up your journals. Don't even depend on your laptop. I'm bringing it, but because the electricity level is not great, but you know, so I've made the commitment. I'm prepping my little dog Coco to come with me and got her a little life jacket and very excited. And for the next 5 or 6 weeks, I'm definitely going to have to get my, my head around it. So I don't go up there and start acting like a little spoiled brat. Hopefully I don't do that anymore, but take away my technology, take away my washer and dryer, take away my ability to shower, and I might get a little testy. I'm just saying. So if any of you have had that experience, because I think it's going to be life-changing. That's just what I'm kind of feeling inside. That it's going to be life-changing. So if you have any thoughts, opinions, or if you're one of my siblings listening and you're just laughing your head off that I'm actually doing this, then I'd welcome— I would welcome your input. Go to ShadingTheBitch.com, share with me if you will, or just kind of motivate me and inspire me and tell me it's going to be okay. But anyway, that said, that's enough, that's enough. I'm very excited about This episode we're going to be talking about red flags. Are you ignoring the red flags that are screaming at you regarding your relationships? And yet at the same time, and I know our guest is going to be able to help us with this, I'm sure it's kind of tapping into your intuition, tapping into the things that allow you to kind of call out those red flags regardless of what the situation is, right, Deb?

Absolutely.

So regardless of the situation, whether it is relationship or something else. So, but formally, I'll introduce the subject. Actually, before I do that, I do want to do a shout-out. Next week we have Christy Rutherford joining us, and if any of you know her, you know it's going to be also another fabulous conversation. Go out onto Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and her— obviously her own website. But we're going to be talking about unleashing your inner greatness and achieving your destiny. So that's next week, and then we have a great lineup of guests all summer long. Okay, so what are we going to be talking about? I'm going to introduce the subject. This is how it normally works, and those of you listening for the first time, introduce the subject, give you a rich question. We like to ground you in a question that you could be thinking about when it— as it pertains to you and your life around the subject, and then we pretty much are ensured that we're going to get you answers through our dialogue and our conversation. If for some reason we don't, then, you know, I'll be broadcasting her contact information all throughout the program in order for you then to reach out to her and get in touch with her, work with her, ask her a question, that kind of thing. So we'll, we'll do that. We'll take a break, we'll come back, we'll dive into the conversation. You ready?

I am ready.

Powwow!

And again, we're videotaping, so go and check us out later. We're not live, unfortunately, for this particular episode, but you can— we'll be uploading it by tomorrow morning, so you'll be able to go back and check us out. And look at— she's got such a pretty face and smile. You've seen mine. You've seen my mug. So you're going to want to come back and check it out. All right, so we're talking about ignoring the red flags. Oftentimes in romantic relationships, we sacrifice logic and our intuition in the name of love. Can you relate, ladies? Debbie London uses the perspective of being a divorcee to assist others with recognizing if they are victims to their partner's facade, holding themselves accountable, and either moving forward or doing the work to correct behaviors in the relationship. So the 3 things you want to be listening for is the fact that it is not The End of the World, if you're having trouble in your relationship, if you find yourself having to start over even after a relationship, how to gain the courage to let go and stop lying to yourself. Stop lying to yourself. I need a mirror. Stop lying to yourself. And lastly, There Is a Gift in Rediscovering Yourself.

And woohoo!

If you're a member of Shedding the Bitch Radio and the community. You know this is true, though sometimes we don't believe it. So what rich question I want you to be grounded in during our conversation is: to date, what steps have you taken to prevent yourself from becoming a victim? Simply surviving your relationship, or are you thriving in it? You like that?

I like it.

Really good. Awesome.

That's why I made the big bucks. That is so me. I love that. That's good. Okay, because I knew you were going to be able to answer it.

So what steps have you taken to prevent yourself from becoming a victim? Simply surviving your relationship, or are you thriving in it? So that's what I want you to be grounded in as we talk with our guest. Rich tags you can be using: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, you name it, whatever it is that she just did earlier.

Instagram. Instagram. Hashtag relationships.

#Divorce, #Thrive, #ShedTheBitch. So we're gonna take a break, I'm gonna get some water, and when we get back I'm gonna do a formal introduction of our guest, and then we'll just take it from there and give you the signals of red flags in your relationship. We will be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette's book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors: TSR Consulting, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate size clients. Go to TSRConsulting.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium size businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker78@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at media relations at sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back, everyone. We are talking and we're in studio with our guest Debbie L. London. She was born and raised right here in Atlanta, Georgia.

Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo!

And in 2005, she moved to Raleigh, North Carolina to pursue her undergraduate degree in psychology at the historic HBCU Shaw University.

Oh, is that right?

There you go. After obtaining her degree, Debbie continued her educational pursuits at Marist College and received a Master's of Public Administration in 2013. Over the years, Debbie has consistently maintained an innate passion to help others with a specific focus on spiritual and emotional healing. This is best exhibited throughout her professional career, which includes psychological testing, counseling children and families, and client interactions in psychiatric hospitals.

Wow.

Debbie considers herself to be a vessel that God uses to relay messages to others. In order to assess how best to help other people, her particular approach is to be led by the Holy Spirit. This allows her to navigate tough issues which vary in depth transforming— or I'm sorry, which varies in depth. Transforming with transparency is her tagline because she helps others through being open and honest about her own experiences. She is the author of the self-help book Surviving and Overcoming the Stains of Generational Curses and Soul Ties.

Awesome, heavy stuff, awesome.

Her second book Here it is. If you're watching this on YouTube tomorrow, you'll see it. Her second book is Your Facade— let me go back. Her second book is Your Facade Is Showing: A Divorcee's Perspective on Accepting Relationships' Red Flags the First Time. And I'm assuming because you don't want them to happen again.

Absolutely.

Again.

That's awesome. Welcome to the program. Thank you, I'm so happy to be here.

I am excited for you to be here, and I want to make sure I tell everybody right now how you can reach out to her, because again, you're going to want to. So her website is debbilondon.com— nope, it's debbilondon.com. Let me say that again, debbilondon.com. Her email, debbie@debbilondon.com. She makes it easy, I love it. Facebook, Twitter, everywhere, debbilondon. Perfect. Makes it easier on people like myself. All right, so wow, I don't even— I mean, there's so many places we can start, so let's just start here. Take us back to who were you when you kind of realized that you yourself needed to make a change to the point where you said, oh wow, I need to put this in writing and share it with the world so they can learn from me.

Um, I always knew that I was supposed to write, and it started when I was 18, actually, before I went to college. And God was like, you're supposed to be writing, you're supposed to be writing about your life experiences. And I was like, no, I'm supposed to be a psychologist. And so I'm going to school to study psychology, then I'm getting my master's, and then I'm getting my doctorate, and I'm gonna be a psychologist. I don't want to hear that because I don't like and I ran and ran and ran. And then in college, I had a crazy experience, which is what the first book is about. Well, half of it, the soul tie part.

Which I have to repeat the title of it again because it's awesome. Residue: Surviving and Overcoming the Stains of Generational Curses and Soul Ties.

That's awesome. It is. That's awesome. A very interesting read. For sure lots of good stuff in there that may or may not freak you out, spiritually speaking. But I went through a lot of experiences in college and growing up in childhood, and it wasn't until a few years ago, and it was nudging me again, and I remember the job I was at, I was crying in the parking lot, and I'm talking to my sister, and I'm like, I'm supposed to be doing something more. You know those moments when you feel—

Amen.

—just completely unfulfilled and you feel empty and you're like, this is not the end-all be-all. That is the moment I had in the parking lot at my job and I was crying. My sister said, you know you're supposed to be writing. Just write. And she said, take a notebook with you everywhere that you go and just write. It doesn't matter what it is. Anytime you have a thought or a note, put it in your phone. And that is what started the journey. And I said, I'm no longer going to run from writing. And I just let the pen— Exactly. I just let the pen hit the paper. I didn't worry about the order. I didn't worry about the chapters or the sequence. And everything just fell in line on its own. And even the title, God woke me up out of my sleep and said, it's Resonance. And then he woke me up out of my sleep again and said, this is what the COVID should look like. And it's like a weird cover. It has like a little slug with a blood trail on it. It's weird, but that's— —what the COVID was supposed to be, but just everything came together. And I want to say that for those who are thinking about writing a book, sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves, like, oh, I don't know what to write, I don't know how to start. And then before you know it, 10 years have gone by and you still have not written that book that you said you were going to write. Just start and use different mediums. Sometimes I write in my phone or a notebook or my computer. I do different things. In order to get me going on any project that I may have.

At the same time, I know for myself, um, and I've told other people, sometimes you just have to walk away from the idea too. Just walk away from it, stop putting so much pressure on yourself and let it go, because then I did this with my script. I was forcing it, and you can't force what you have obviously experienced.

And that's a perfect point as well, because there were many times that I had to step away. Yeah, many, many, many times, and you have to reset, especially when you're in the writing process or you have those moments where you don't know what's right and you're having those writer's blocks. Absolutely, I 100% agree that you have to step away, reset, refresh. Okay, now I'm ready to get back. Because I bet this—

I mean, just the title alone, Generational Curses and Soul Ties, it's not the writing process, that's just the means to the end. It's the, are you ready to go deep and dig out, especially when you're writing a story, right? When you're purging your own stuff. So kudos to you for doing that, because that's a process in itself. The writing is a different story, because even I hired an editor. I wrote it, but then I was like, I'm not editing it.

Oh, I didn't either. Editing is a huge task, by the way, that I'm not taking on.

Now, the one thing I absolutely loved when I first met you, other than your smile— Aw. Read your bio and whatnot, is this whole thing around transforming with transparency, because obviously, again, your two books have to, they, you know, they have to be raw, as I call it. So, but how did you get there? Because so many of us, you know, are worried about what other people are going to say, think, react.

I was basically pushed off the cliff, as I like to say. That's a little saying I like to use. My accountability part, the women in my life, and this is why it's important that I work with women. I just feel that we are such forces to be reckoned with. And the women in my life will not, we don't allow each other to settle for mediocrity at any point. And we are constantly pushing each other off of the cliff when we get scared. I will not even try to make it seem like it is easy. Because there was a lot of crying, there was a lot of, "No, I don't want to do this. Why do I have to put my business out there? I don't want to do it in this way." Because trust me, this is all like me being led spiritually to do this. Because if I had it my way, I would not share anything with anyone. But with my first book, in releasing that, I was still extremely terrified. Even after it came out, I was still very worried about perception, especially given the nature of the topic I'm going through. Family history. I'm really just letting it all go there. But with the second one, I really did not give two shits. I was like, because I'm finally comfortable in my own skin where I'm like, this is what I'm called to do. And I'm sharing this not to put my business out there for no reason, but with a purpose. Because a lot of times it's hard for us to look at ourselves in the mirror. It's hard for us to accept things the way they are. And what happens when we don't accept things for the way there. We remain stuck and stagnant and paralyzed. And my goal, and what is happening in this process as I'm building this brand, is other people are like, wow, she's beautiful, she's smart, and she has a lot of stuff going on too, just like me. If she can face it, I can face my stuff too. And I'm just trying to pour courage into other people, like, look, we're all dealing with stuff.— and that is okay.

And is that why you're not only just your kind of your brand, but you truly deep down believe that in order to move forward, in order to progress, you have to be transparent to yourself? Forget about everybody else, to yourself.

And that's why you feel it works? Yes, absolutely. Because if there's anybody else that you're going to lie to, please don't let it be to yourself. Please don't let it be to yourself. Because if you are constantly believing the lies that you hear from others or the ones that you're telling yourself, you are just in for a road of being handicapped. Misery. And nobody wants that. Exactly. You just don't want to do that to yourself. You owe yourself better to be free. And I'm just at this stage of rediscovery. And for those of you who read my blog, you know I'm taking you on that journey with me for freedom, self-discovery. Even like your trip that you're going on, that's sabbatical of sorts to reset. And I actually love that idea. I'm looking forward to hearing about how that goes. We need to do those things in order to get to our place.

You have to be comfortable being uncomfortable. Yes. Right. That's kind of what I took from your message. And then, you know, even the approach I'm taking to this Canada thing, and plus my shedding process for the last 8 years, I guess. I just know, we just know that that's the way it's going. That's why it works, right? Yes. Yes. I love that. I love it. Who would you say resonates? Who is ready and who's listening to your message? Who would you say your— whether it's your books, because your books, you talk about the fact that it's divorcees, but it goes so much beyond that, you know, from your book to your total fan base, who— and your client base, who— what does that person look like?

It is women 25 to 40, and here's why that is my audience. Once you get past a certain age, from what I have seen, from what— no, from what— but you're different because you're on that journey of self-discovery. But a lot of times we see a stubbornness, an originality. That's why I raised my hand. This is how I am, I'm not changing, and that's the end of it. Yeah, but everybody in this 25 to 40 range, they're still open. They're still open to—

but aren't they still worried about what other people think?

Aren't they still like— they're still worried, but they're still open to the idea of going through the journey. After a certain point, it's hard to go back because you're stuck in your ways. Typically, not all the time, but typically you're stuck there and you're like, this is how I've always done things. I don't even want to start the unpacking process of all of my stuff.

So you're under 40? Yes. No, that's okay. That's okay. I wouldn't go back. But, so let me give you, because it'll complement what it is you're saying. So, because our listener base is, a lot of them are over 40, and they're all laughing right now. Because what happens at, actually at 40, but even more so, because it really didn't happen to me until like 46, 47, but with all the work that I do, You all of a sudden get to a point at 40, let's say 45, certainly 50, and definitely 55, where you just don't care anymore. Not you don't care about yourself, you don't care about how you look and whatnot. You don't care what other people think. You don't care about what other people, you know, are doing. You do actually get a lot more open because now you have all that crap gone. So now you're kind of— yes, you have your routines and you have your disciplines and you have your ideas set in your mind, but you're also now wise and mature enough to say, well, wait a minute, there's a different perspective. And we love younger people. We— I'm making it sound like, you know, but only because we want to be challenged all the time and we want it. So maybe what you and I will need to do and talk about another time is kind of like how we share that message to audiences and stuff together, because I think it's a great perspective. Okay, but So back to your audience, 25 to 40, those people right in there that are still open to change and they're women. So what are they— at what point do they come to you?

I laugh about this all the time because last year when I put out my first book, no, the year before last, whatever the year that was, I can't remember, but when I put out my first book, I would get a offended about social media response to my book. As you can see the title, we're talking about generational curses and soul ties. Whoa, that's too much. I don't want to, you know, go there. So I was always concerned about likes and followers and things like that. But then I would get a lot of emails and then I would get subscribers to my website and then people would be like, they'll hop in my DMs, thank you for sharing, please sub.. And the way they approach me is, A, they are lurkers. Lurkers are people who just look at your pages and they look at, you know, whatever content you put out there, but they say nothing. They're invisible, basically. They start off lurking because they're like, I need this, but I don't want to like it because I don't want it to be associated with me. I don't want people to think I have something going on. And then it slowly Well, I'll reach out to her one-on-one. And then I, okay, now I'm gonna make it, but you know what, this is okay. And that's how people approach me. It's like a step by step and I don't even get offended anymore. No. Because I understand looking in the mirror is a process. Sometimes we feel like, oh, you should just be able to hold it up. No, it's okay, I have the mirror here. I got it here near me now, okay. I'm holding it, looking at it with one eye. 'Now, okay, it's not so bad. It's not as bad as I thought it would be. Okay, I actually like this.' You're coming into it. Okay, you know, so I just feel like looking in the mirror is a process, and that's how people approach me. It's a slow— it's like we're getting to know each other. I want to make sure I'm okay. I don't want to feel crazy. And then they realize, 'Okay, this is okay to look in the mirror.

Now I'll pick it up.' And plus, you're very open, so you're very trustworthy, and you're very You can tell that you're not judgmental and you're not there to fix them. You're there to just to kind of show them the mirror and then guide them to let you—

that's let them make their own decision. Make their decision. Beautiful thing, isn't it, people?

It's a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful thing. Um, okay, let's see. So we talk about the people and how they come and find you. Um, what have you— are there any nuggets you can share with us when you do find that person who's willing to kind of push themselves, get themselves uncomfortable, you know, look at themselves in the mirror? What are some aha moments maybe that you've experienced but also that your clients have experienced through that process?

Trying to think of a good one. There are some people that I have never even spoken to, like I don't even know what their voice sounds like because our communication has been through email or something like that. And I've had one of my Instagram followers, we've had, we had an entire session, you know, because it, I mean, it's amazing to me how Sometimes the subjects are so touchy that it hurts people to even have a conversation as we're doing now. So we kept it safe in the manner they wanted to and did it via email. And the aha moment for them was, I have to let go of the past hurts of my family issues, is what they were dealing with. The issues within their family, it has basically held them captive. For their whole life. And in reading the first book, they said, I'm finally able to get the freedom that I need. And that was like an amazing— to me, I think it's cool because we've never had— I've never heard their voice. I don't know anything.

Well, and I want to turn that around for everybody listening to make sure that what she is actually saying is there's— she can help you. In whatever form and whatever medium you want to use. So don't tell yourself or don't make the excuse that, oh, well, I don't want to talk to somebody or let them see my face, or I don't want to meet one-on-one, or I don't want to sit on somebody's couch. Because I, too, you know, writing is— I mean, you can write it. You can chat rooms and, you know, all the different mediums that are available out there. Email is just very nice and simple. There's no reason for you not to get the help that you need and not to engage somebody like Debbie that you want to be engaged with. So get off, you know, the excuses and just reach out because you, like she said earlier, you deserve it. You deserve it. We're going to take a quick break because something got in my throat, and when we come back, I really want to get into learning about her new book and kind of what nuggets she can share with you in order for you to really pay attention to those red flags and not to do them again. We'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette's book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, TSR Consulting, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate size clients. Go to TSRConsulting.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual legal assistance and social media support for small to medium-sized businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker78@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com www.facebook.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back everyone, I'm in studio actually and we are videotaping today's session, today's episode, and I am with Debbie L. London. The author of this amazing book, Your Facade Is Showing, and more importantly, how to identify those red flags in your relationship that you need to start running away from and doing something about. And so go to Debbie L. London, everything, whether it's her website debbiellondon.com, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, you can find her basically just Google her, just like many of our other guests, she's everywhere. Care. So get in touch with her because regardless if you're getting divorced or you're breaking up in a relationship, what she talks about, what she coaches about, what she speaks about relates to any situation in your life that you just need a better perspective and a more realistic view in the mirror on. Is that a good summary?

Yeah. So, okay.

So based on your book, give us some ideas of not only just what those red flags are, but the process, you know, the avoidance, or what's key, you know, why you call them red flags, and then what is it that people can do in order to never have those, you know, red flags kind of get in their way.

Well, in the beginning of the book, I give an example about 6 or 7 red flags, like general ones that we can all pretty much relate to in relationships. But I do want to say the ultimate red flag in relationships is ignoring yourself. That is the ultimate red flag. And I don't just point the finger at my ex-husband or any other relationship that I've been in. I had to point the finger at myself because I'm all about holding yourself accountable and being responsible for your actions. And throughout the book, I talk about what my missteps were because it's one thing for someone to have red flags, but it's another thing if we ourselves are blatantly ignoring them, what sets the tone for the remainder of the relationship. So, um, I think that's the biggest red flag, ignoring yourself and not holding yourself accountable.

So for someone who, so for someone who might be out there and they, they beat themselves up, so when they hear the word accountable or that when they hear certain words, they already feel as if they put the boxing gloves on. Exactly, towards themselves. So what else, or what is it that you need to say or what they need to do to kind of say, look, this isn't about beating yourself up. You're doing that enough already. You know, holding yourself accountable does not mean beating yourself up. It just simply means what?

When I say holding myself accountable, especially during my divorce process, that was me basically peeling back the layers, using hindsight to mark For example, in the beginning of my relationship, my ex-husband didn't approach me. A friend of his did. And it wasn't until— and it sounds crazy, but this set the tone for the 7 years that we were together. He didn't approach me. A friend of his did. And from there, he never reached out to me. And when he did, it would be a one-line text message. And I was always the one initiating every single thing. Why? Never initiated from the start. And that was in hindsight to me, oh wow, he was never an initiator. So the things that I have been wanting him to do all these years, he was never going to do them anyway because he never did. But while I was in cotton candy rainbow Skittle land, I overlooked that. So it's not about beating yourself up, it's having that aha moment with yourself and being honest. Okay, what did I miss here? But okay, that's fine, and I accept that. It's about acceptance, not let me tear myself down. Oh, you're so stupid, you should have never did that. You should have paid attention the first time, you wouldn't be here. No, it's okay, that's what I missed. And it's also a mental note for later when you get back on— get back out on the dating scene. Okay, I'm paying attention closely this time. I'm not letting the fog of being infatuated sway me one way or the other. It's okay, I paid attention, I combed through what I missed. In this situation. I don't want to go through this again. Let me make sure that I'm not, you know, putting on my rose-colored glasses in this situation. So definitely, please don't beat yourself up. What has happened is what has happened. We cannot go back nor change it. This is about forward movement and realizing what took place so that it doesn't take place again.

Yeah, now that is perfect, perfect, because I just know our audience members, they're, yeah, they're sitting there kind of already going, oh my God, now I have to hold myself accountable.

And holding yourself accountable is just First of all, it sets you free. It really does. It sets you free to hold yourself accountable. Say, you know what? I screwed up. But I have the wisdom and knowledge that I need going forward so that I don't have to go through this again. What I like to think about in these neg— or no, no, no, I won't even say negative situations. These difficult times in our lives. I always like to say, God, what am I supposed to receive here? What is the lesson I'm supposed to learn? Even when I'm in the thick of it and I'm frustrated and everything else, what am I supposed to learn here? Because the most important thing is what is the lesson I'm supposed to learn so that I can apply it to my life, you know, as I move forward in a healthy way. So please, no beating— accountability means freedom for you. That means wiser decisions later for you by holding yourself accountable. I don't want you to be like an ostrich and have your head buried in the and, you know, out of sight, out of mind, I'm not going to deal with it, because it also keeps you from dealing with whatever it is that is causing you to accept certain behaviors from other people, or what causes you to dismiss certain things in the first place. I want you to be able to be comfortable with unpacking that for yourself.

So, because this isn't also, and you emphasize it, it's not also where there has to be a divorce or a breakup. It also is where you want to identify these red flags, you want to hold yourself accountable, you want to make changes so you can be a better person in that relationship and keep and grow the relationship. So you had, you had said, you know, from accountability perspective, some people are just not quite ready. Now what I wanted to ask you about, some people are one, are not quite ready to hold themselves accountable. At the same time, when you reach out to in this case to God, and you're looking for those signals, you're looking for those words, you're looking for those signs. How do you get your clients to, well, not only recognize them but not dismiss them? Like, as opposed to— because they don't want to, right? So he puts— he gives you something that's a little bit too challenging or a little bit scary. You know, you're being nudged in a certain way, but it just is kind of uncomfortable. So how do you, or what do you suggest to individuals to kind of, first, they've now, based on what you've already talked about, they're listening for those signals and signs and those red flags, and now it's just a matter of how do they go beyond, stop lying to themselves, so they can then take action, take action for themselves.

Well, I feel like across the board everybody that has read my book so far has had— because you need to read it— has said the same thing. When you have that inkling, this is really about personal intuition. And normally I like to think when you first meet someone and you're dating them and then like you have that internal eyebrow raise like, huh, I don't know how I feel about that. And it can be ever so slight and subtle, but taking that mental note for yourself. And then I'm not saying look for there to be an issue, because I know there are some people that can be self-sabotaging and like, I'm looking for something to be wrong, so I'm going to create an issue there. And that's not what I mean. I mean, like, those moments, those genuine moments where you're like, "Mm, that kind of made me cringe," or whatever it is, whatever that quirk, whatever that thing is. For example, I'll just pull one out. If the person that you're dating has children and you see that maybe they neglect their children in some way, just as a random thing, and that doesn't sit well with you because maybe you are a mom or you want to be a mother, and you're thinking, "This may not be the person." somebody I can take seriously later.

Regardless of how cute he is.

Exactly. And for me, I feel like in order to take action, A, I would have the discussion with that person first. Because sometimes it's not necessary to completely, you know, I'm done with you, you're not perfect, you don't have everything together. But first having the discussion and acknowledging whatever it is that's bothering you, because one thing that we do, we tend to bury things. But that's how we end up dismissing the red flags because we keep moving forward and we keep building without addressing any issues. So the first thing I would do to take action is address whatever that feeling that you have. You know that feeling for yourself. We've all had it. You know it. And then the second thing, monitor. I would monitor because if you see, for example, with the example of someone maybe neglecting their children, watch how they are with their children. And if you keep getting this Hey, that's still here. They're still neglectful like you originally thought. Then it's having the courage, because sometimes we don't want to be alone. Sometimes we, you know, we feel all mushy about this person. We're like, well, maybe, and then we rely on potential and hope. Oh, I can change him. Oh, exactly. Maybe I can get him to be a great father. No, you can't. Exactly. It will be having the courage. To do what is ultimately going to positively add to your life. And if you want children, or if you're a mother and that is a deal breaker for you, whatever, whatever that deal breaker is, I'm just using this example, I would have the courage to start to separate yourself and move forward. So address it, monitor, and then make your decision after you monitor.

That's awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome. Okay. So, because we're going to keep talking, we're going to break in a few minutes, but not right now because I need to know. I need to know. I'm really big on affirmations, and I know you are.

Yes, yes.

And so what is it about affirmations in your viewpoint that really helps this process? Man. And explain for people if— should they not use them and not understand them? Because people confuse them with, like, prayers and quotes and stuff. What and where your view is on affirmations.

Affirmations are simply speaking into your life and over your day as much as you need to. The reason why affirmations are super important to me, there's just a power in your words, and in your words is connected to how you thinking, your thoughts, and then your thoughts is connected to your subconscious.. And all of these things play a role in how you act and how you do things in your day-to-day life. And I remember having a serious scarcity mindset at one point, or always worried and overly concerned about people and what they thought, or just fearful in general, or just lacking self-love. But once I started affirmations, and affirmations, the best ones to gratitude, or the ones that I do all the time, are either I am statements or thank you for. Thank you for are my favorites because gratitude unlocks everything.

Wait, wait, wait, repeat that again. Repeat that very slowly.

Gratitude unlocks everything because sometimes we get destination syndrome where we're so like, oh, I got to get to the next thing. With gratitude affirmations, I typically say thank you for and whatever it is that I am trying to manifest in my life. Like, thank you for divine connections. Thank you. I'm already with appreciation, not just saying I'm gonna have divine connections. I'm already putting out appreciation for what I know is coming to me. Thank you for divine connections. Thank you for peace in my life. Thank you for good health. Thank you for creative you know, overflow, whatever that is. I love gratitude affirmations because being thankful is so, so very important.

And when you're— I love everything.

I love that. It's the truth. And if you don't want to do gratitude affirmations, just I am. I am beautiful. I am loved. I— everything that, you know, I'm seeking is seeking me. I am in line with my purpose. It's very simple and very— sometimes people message me. Go ahead. Well, simple, no.

Well, simple to say, yes. Simple to believe and ingrain within yourself.

And that's why I did mention that. I should have brought it. I have a journal, my prayer journal that I use, and I have like 3 pages of affirmations that I read every morning and that I speak over my life every single morning. And I even have affirmations for other people. That I speak over constantly.

Right, as if you're saying— it's almost like, you know, saying it on their behalf.

Exactly. But it's just I'm affirming whatever, and it's all positive, of course. And, you know, I'm affirming these things constantly. And when I get my down moments, I just triple the dosage.

Absolutely.

And that is how you get to the point of believing. And that goes back to your mind, your subconscious, everything else. And when I say it works, And I don't even remember why I started doing them on social media. I can't even remember. I just started doing affirmations and now it's my morning thing. I always post videos. This morning I didn't post one because my blog, I posted that this morning and affirmations are at the end of every one of my blog posts. But they absolutely work and they change your mind frame. And the more you speak them, you have to keep speaking it until you believe it. And if you're feeling, oh, this isn't working, that means you need to keep saying it to yourself. Don't give up. Exactly. You need to keep saying them before it's just going to become— you're going to become a creature of habit to just saying affirmations. Anytime I get worried, let's say about something financial, thank you for supernatural provision, thank you for debt cancellation, whatever, and I just start saying it. I'm alright, I'm good. And then seriously, a situation will happen that manifests because of me affirming it and believing that everything is going to be okay and everything's going to work itself out. They work. But it starts with—

It starts with your belief system. So I think, and why I said—

And it doesn't mean you don't even have to be religious. No, no, no. No religious affiliation.

This isn't about religion. And that's why I cut her off, but I wanted to really make sure that people understood that you might be sitting in a really dark place right now and not feeling good. And maybe you feel overweight, or you feel ugly, or you feel unloved, or you feel like you're not worthy or whatever the case might be. And of course, no one wants you to feel that way, but more importantly, you don't want to feel that way. And one of those things that she's emphasizing is the fact that you can, whether you believe it or not at this very moment in time, if you make it a practice to do these affirmations, and again, like she said, choose your affirmation, then over— you have to believe believe that over time you will start breaking down that darkness, that ugliness, that discomfort, and it will all of a sudden, you'll wake up one day and all of a sudden everything will look very bright, right?

And what she said, breaking away from that darkness, like we were talking about the people who may beat themselves up all the time, you're believing that you're a piece of crap, you're believing that you can't do anything right, right? Because you keep saying it to yourself. The same goes for positive things. Even when someone else is saying it too.

Exactly.

The same goes for positive things. Keep saying it to yourself and that's what will come forth in your life.

So I just wanted to— No, absolutely, absolutely. I just love the whole approach that she does to affirmations. But I don't want to also slip by the fact that you need to check out her blog and you need to make sure that you're reading it all the way through and getting and seeing her affirmations. DebbieLLondon.com.

Yes, today's was about our yoni eggs, ladies, for those who are interested.

And those who don't understand what the hell it is that she's talking about.

A yoni egg is an ancient Chinese stone that goes in your yoni, if you know what I mean. And I was very skeptical on doing it, but when I tell you the healing energy and the breakthrough that I had from it, I was actually shocked and it was a pretty cool experience. I know what I'm doing after this radio show, right? Yes, like ladies, please look up, you will not regret it. Look up yoni eggs. YoniEggs.com, that's where I got mine.

Well, first I'm going to your blog and reading your—

And I linked it in my blog as well just because I want you to use a legit source for yourself, but pretty amazing stuff. Again, like you're going to Canada, and you're doing these things for refresher, it's like, it is an awesome spiritual, mental, something just to do for you.

Well, and more so, and this is important to say too, it's more so I'm intentionally going to make myself uncomfortable so I can become comfortable. I don't know what that comfort is going to look like, and I don't know what the uncomfortable, I can imagine, is going to look like. Purposely going and putting myself in an uncomfortable situation so I can have kind of a breakthrough to being comfortable, whatever that looks like at that time. I'm very comfortable right now, don't get me wrong. I just also feel that I need to push myself and make myself uncomfortable because I know that there's a layer— like we were talking about layers earlier— that I still want to work— I'm still working on to peel back. All right, we're going to take a quick break, but we still have tons DebbieLLondon.com, and that's her handle everywhere. So be sure to be hooking in as we're taking this break, and we'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette's book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, TSR Consulting, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate-sized clients. Go to TSRConsulting.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium-sized businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker78@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/shuttingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back everyone, we're having a great conversation with Debbie L. London all about your red flags in your relationship. Overall, Your Facade Is Showing. Check out her new and latest book, but really go back to her first one, and I want to pull out the, the title, Residue: Surviving and Overcoming the Stains of Generational Curses and Soul Ties. And then of course her latest one, Your Facade Is Showing: A Divorcee's Perspective on Accepting Relationship Red Flags the first time, so you don't have to do it the second time. All right, in our last couple of minutes, Deb, in regards to your book, is your book about like chasing people and advocating that people leave their relationships, or is it also to heal and to grow?

I am pro-love and pro-marriage, and to be honest, if it was up to me, I would still be married. But there are things that you just have to really draw your line in the sand on what you will and won't accept. I've actually had quite a few married people read my book and say that it helped them take a step back to look at, oh wow, I'm out of order. I am the one out of order in my relationship. I need to take more care and be more considerate of my significant other. So it's almost been like a reflection tool for those who are in relationships in helping them tighten up a little bit and, you know, and not take certain things for granted, like, oh wow, I'm hurting my relationship with my actions and behaviors, let me not do that so that I don't end up in this situation. So it's almost like a general purpose book. You know, it's not pushing you in one direction or another. It can help you with preventing being divorced, it can help you get the courage to take the leap And like I say, um, in my dedication, this book is for those to take the steps to do what they already know in their hearts to do, whatever that is, whether that be to move— because exactly right, and everybody's situation is different. So it will help you move forward and cut ties if you need to, but it will also help you clean some things up, heal, and be better in your relationship. Or if you're single Okay, let me be mindful of this before I get into my next relationship. Let me take these things and apply them so that I'm not screwing up in my next relationship or accepting things that I shouldn't accept.

I'm reading it. I'm single and looking, but I'm reading it because I throw up those walls and those excuses long before I'm even in one. All right, in the last minute or so, What is— what do you really want the reader to gain from this book? Because there's definitely a grounding message here. What would you say that is?

I would say I want the reader to not be afraid to do what's best for them. That is really my bottom line in this book. And whatever that is, because I also talk about self-care and loving yourself, and I've been on this journey rediscovery thing for maybe the past year now. I want the reader to walk away with the courage to do what they need to do for them, not just in a relationship either, not just in a marriage, but in general, to take a look at themselves and say, you know what, I deserve the best in my career, in my love life, and in every area. And I haven't been loving myself based on the things that I'm attracting in my life. I'm bringing it forward. How can I change this?

What can I do? Yeah, and to all of her target markets, that 25 to 40-year-old, we have a saying here. I personally have a saying here that I emphasize a lot, and that is, you have this one life to live. It goes— trust me, it goes really, really fast. So the question is, how do you want to live it and thrive in it? And it touches back to our Rich question about, are you surviving or are you just surviving? And are you doing the things that she's suggesting in order for you to have the best relationship with yourself and with someone else that you can have. Because trust me, life goes really, really, really fast. So make your choices that will allow you to have the best life possible. Thank you so much, Debbie.

This is awesome. Thank you. I'm glad that we met. Yes, absolutely. I just want you to know Yeah, I did. She's a part of my design.

Yeah, there you go. And, uh, we're going to be talking more. Absolutely, absolutely. All right, next week everybody, we have Christy Rutherford, a force— talk about a force to be reckoned with— and she's going to talk to us about unleashing your inner greatness so you achieve your destiny. We all have it, we have a destiny. So Christy Rutherford next week, Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Stay tuned for another episode of Shedding the Bitch Radio. Thank you, Debbie L. London. Have a good week, everyone. See you then.

Thank you for listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. Join Bernadette every Tuesday at noon Eastern as she helps you shift your bitches to riches. And the dialogue is always going on at sheddingthebitch.com. See you next week.