ASK ME ANYTHING addresses the Mistakes Employees Make at Holiday Socials!!

Hello and welcome to Shedding the Bitch Radio, where you can discuss, debate, and get advice on how to discover and shed the bitches of fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negative mindsets so you can realize your dreams and life purpose and create and accelerate the riches you want in life. Join us here live every Tuesday at noon Eastern and dialogue with us at 818-572-2910. You can also chat with us at blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitch or share your stories on our website at sheddingthebitch.com. Whatever the bitch is that's holding you back from living your life to the fullest, it's not worth giving up the riches in life that you deserve. So call in now and let Bernadette Boas know what's holding you back.

818-572-2910. Good day, good day, good day everyone. How are you on this beautiful, beautiful Tuesday? It's gorgeous here in Atlanta. It's nice and sunny. There's a cool breeze in the air, but the sunshine makes up for it for sure. I don't know about you, but I don't— it kind of turned, you know, the calendar into December, and all of a sudden I just started getting really amped up about the holiday season. I haven't even been to the malls or out really shopping or whatever, but for some— I haven't even decorated, and yet I am starting to feel that energy and that excitement and that spirit of Christmas or whatever holiday it is that you celebrate. And by the way, happy Hanukkah to all of my Jewish friends and all of you out there. Whatever you celebrate, even if it's just the ending of a year and the beginning of a new year, I just hope that you're starting to feel the energy and the excitement of all the activity that will be going on over the next several weeks. And that's really where this episode of Ask Bernadette is going to be focused on. Last week we had a great episode, and I was pleasantly surprised by the response and the downloads and listens. Only in that we did discuss shedding the holiday bitches and blues. Now I was excited because obviously we were going to be talking about something that you wanted to hear about. I was also a little bit concerned because, well, if so many people are listening, maybe it's because there's a lot of people dealing with bitches and blues during this time of year. And I was just pleasantly surprised and proud that we are a source for you to be able to come and get some tips and, and advice and even some hacks that we discussed on last week's episode. So go to sheddingthebitch.com, look for our radio channel where you'll find all of our episodes, but you can download last week's episode. And you can also go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and download the replay there, or you can go to iTunes and download the podcast there as well. And we're going to be talking about, you know, the mistakes people make during, um, business galas, business socials, um, you know, what do I do about gift giving at work, whether it's the boss or the team, what are some talking points if you are uncomfortable. This came up last week, if you are uncomfortable in social gatherings what can you be doing to prepare to overcome that and really enjoy yourself. And then we're going to touch on kind of— someone asked me about their religious beliefs, and it was brought up last week on the episode when it came to commercialism, commercialism, which causes a lot of people holiday stress. So out of that, I was then asked about my own kind of religious stance, I'll say, during the holiday season, and then ask a question or two in regards to their own beliefs and how they would incorporate it into their holiday season at work specifically. So we'll talk about all of that. But let's dive in, if we could, and we'll discuss the first question that actually came from my client.. And I thought it would be very relevant to all of you. She's going to a gala. She went to a gala. And she was asking about kind of things to look out for, mistakes people make when it comes to business socials this time of year. I'll say all throughout the year these mistakes are often made. And what can she do to ensure that she doesn't fall into those traps? Now I quickly kind of commented to her that she'll never fall into any of these traps. Maybe one of them, which we'll talk about as well, but some of the biggest mistakes I either see or I'm asked about or I have to address as part of my leadership coaching with a client is the first one, which all of you might be surprised at, but a mistake people make is they don't go. To the event, to the gala, to the social, to the party, whatever the case might be. And why is that a mistake? It's a mistake because your boss, your company, your team has gone out of their way to put together something in order to bring you all together to celebrate. And it would be disrespectful not to attend that event. Now it's a whole different story, and we'll talk about it, about you not being comfortable at social gatherings, especially when it comes to your bosses or their bosses, but that's a whole separate thing, and we will address that. But for right now, one mistake you can make is that you don't go to that event. Trust me when I say it doesn't matter if you're in a company of 5 or if you're a company of 500. You will be noticed because if it's not your boss or your boss's boss, or your boss's boss's boss. It'll be a teammate. It'll be someone in another group, and word will get back to somebody in regards to the fact that you're not there. Um, so don't make that mistake. The other one too would be that they don't look at— someone doesn't look into what the dress code is for that particular, uh, social. Now you could go on, you could err on the side of, well, it's a business social, so I have to at least be business at at best. At the same time, I've been to business socials where it was an ugly sweater party. I made this mistake. I don't like to wear sweaters to begin with. At the same time, I kind of, not ignored, I just kind of didn't realize it was an ugly sweater party, and I was the only one pretty much there that was not in an ugly sweater, so I stood out. At the same time, there's people that show up and they look as if they're going to the nightclub with friends and they're 25 when they're actually 50. And, you know, it's guys in tight jeans, it's girls with, you know, bare chest, it's, you know, kind of high heel over-the-top pumps or miniskirts. It's guys that, you know, are in jeans and a t-shirt. Do some homework. Be smart about it. Dress the part. It's one night. Figure out kind of what type of theme, what type of social it is. If it's, you know, cocktail or, you know, gala, black tie, you know, definitely you're going to want to know that because you don't want to come walking in in just a, you know, plain pair of khakis. So to speak. All right, of course, of course you need to watch the drinking and even the eating, and we'll talk about eating in a second. But of course the drinking. Now you would think I wouldn't need to tell you that. You would think you're all sitting there probably going, well, duh. But you would be so surprised how people just, you know, just go over the top when it comes to the drinking side of it. One, there's an open bar most likely. You know, it's not just beer or wine, it's, you know, it's cocktails as well. And a lot of times, a lot of women fall into this trap. They don't eat beforehand because they want to fit into that outfit. So they haven't, they haven't put anything in their stomachs. And the next thing you know, even a drink and they're kind of getting loopy. And then that falls in, that leads into, you know, some very embarrassing moments. Maybe even as far as making a fool of oneself. It could even fall into, you know, people all of a sudden getting a little bit less inhibited or uninhibited— no, less inhibited and becoming uninhibited and flirting or touching inappropriately, even that you, you know, even if you don't think that that touch or that hug or that little kiss on the cheek the other person might find it inappropriate. So, and then lastly, when it comes to drinking, where a lot of people don't pay attention to, is there is even kind of, especially when it comes to the bosses, so to speak, there is observation being made out to those that are openly drinking and driving. And you might have only had, you know, a drink or two, At the same time, if it's a little worse than that and then all of a sudden you're just casually walking out or whatever the case might be and getting into a car, there might be some kind of perceptions being made there that you definitely don't want. Especially in the day of Uber and Lyft and taxis, there's just no reason that even if you've had half a drink too much, You should be turning your keys over to a friend or a colleague, or you should be putting them in your pocket and calling an Uber or a Lyft. Not only for yourself, but trust me when I say that company is liable if they've actually been the ones providing you the alcohol. You could leave their premises, their property, or the ones they rented, and they could be held liable should you get into any trouble. Type of accident on your way home. It's just not a good place to be. You know, drinking too much at a business social. It's a business event is really what you have to look at it. It's a business event. So you really want to be careful around that. At the same time, you don't want to be someone who, forget about you don't go at all, but you also don't want to go and then leave very quickly. Especially if you go and you don't, or if you go and you don't socialize, Or if you go and you don't ever acknowledge or recognize the host, maybe go up and give a greeting to them, and on your way out you thank them, you know, that also can set perceptions and judgments that you're not looking to do. Yes, you might be uncomfortable in social settings, and we'll talk about that. At the same time, you need to be comfortable being uncomfortable when it comes to your holiday business socials. You don't want to be one standing in a corner badmouthing or gossiping. You don't even need to be standing in a corner. A lot of people, sad to say, they'll stand at the bar, they'll stand on the dance floor, and all of a sudden, you know, there's just this, you know, barrage of gossiping or badmouthing the people around them. You definitely don't want to get caught up in a situation like that, whether you're the instigator or you're just a participant. Definitely be sure that you're not participating. And then put the phones away. Put the phones away. Don't start taking selfies of, you know, yourself or anyone else, whether it's drinking or not drinking, making a fool of themselves, or whatever the case might be. You don't want to fall— take a risk of posting something that turns out to embarrass you or embarrass somebody else that then comes back and hurts you in the end. All right, so what can you do to prevent these mistakes. You can have a plan. Define what is it that you want to— want to experience as being part of this— about being part of this event. If you're not comfortable, then your plan would be to be comfortable, to get yourself out of your comfort zone, to definitely feel comfortable being uncomfortable, whatever the case might be. And you could be doing that and practicing that even before you get to the event. And we'll talk about that when we talk about those that are uncomfortable at social gatherings. You could be setting a plan for yourself as to, you know, how many new people am I going to meet? How, you know, how many of the executives or team members that I really don't know a great deal about will I engage with and try to learn something new about them? You could be making a note to— oh, definitely you want to kind of update or inform your plus-ones about the people in the room, as they say. You want to kind of make sure they know the boss's name or know the main team members' names or spouses or partners or whatever the case might be. You want to tell them a little bit about who it is that they're going into a room to socialize with so then they're comfortable as well. You don't want your plus one standing in the corner and not engaging with you. And/or a lot of times it's the plus one that gets the employee in trouble, drinking too much, flirting inappropriately, offending, you know, or cursing or whatever the case might be. So you definitely want to have a conversation with your plus one before you even get there. I think that's all I really want to say in regards to the mistakes and then what can you do in advance of it. Just plan to have a good time. Just plan to go and really enjoy the people that you spent a great deal of your day, week, month, and year with. And be appreciative of the person or group of people that are hosting this event for you. And really just make an effort to have a great experience yourself, but help other people to have an experience that they'll remember as well. These events, you know, whether you're an introvert or an extrovert, they're meant to be fun. They're meant to let your guard down and your hair down and kind of get out of, you know, the work mode. So just do it and just know kind of what the limitations are and what's appropriate or not appropriate, and just have a good time. And just like you would, you know, would want to with anything else. Just remember, it is a business social, so just be respectful of that. All right, all right, we're going to take a quick break. When I get back, we're going to talk about kind of how can you feel comfortable in an uncomfortable situation. So we'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette Boas' book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, North Georgia Tax Solutions, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate-sized clients. Go to NGTaxSolutions.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium-sized businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker.va@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at Media Relations at sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back everyone, we are talking talking kind of the holiday dos and don'ts of enjoying the season, especially from a work perspective. These are questions, because it is our Ask Bernadette Anything episode, these are questions that you provided me, especially after last week's episode, Shedding the Holiday Bitches and Blues, to get more clarity around the dos and don'ts of enjoying the holidays at work, pretty much with, you know, your company, with your team, with your boss, whatever the case might be. So our next question is centered around probably the most popular question I get each and every season, holiday season, and that is, what are some talking points to use if you feel uncomfortable at social gatherings? And I'm going to back up from that question, and before I get to the actual talking points, just kind of help you to get comfortable being uncomfortable. It's one of my favorite things to think about when I'm uncomfortable is I just need to get comfortable with that feeling of uncomfort or discomfort. So what you could be doing even, you know, weeks, months prior, or all year round if you are someone who— is more of an introvert or just uncomfortable, is you could practice all the time. You could be going out to the grocery store, to the gas station, to the gym, taking a walk, you know, with your dog, and you could be practicing how to become a better engager with other people, especially with strangers. Or maybe it's not even with strangers, but it's with, people that you know or you engage with or you work with, and yet they intimidate you in some way, shape, or form, or you don't really know enough about them to kind of let your guard down, whatever the case might be. This is not a situation, or this is not a bitch, I'll call it, being uncomfortable in social gatherings that just introverts deal with. There are a lot of extroverts that also, when it comes to just putting themselves out there and kind of letting their guard down and becoming more vulnerable to let other people get to know them, you know, they have issues with. Because if you think about it, a lot of extroverts who come off as extroverts are actually kind of masking some of their own junk, or what we call bitches here. So I would start by getting comfortable with that discomfort. Each time you're out, start a conversation with someone. Set a goal, set a plan, set, you know, kind of a little metric every day that you're going to, you know, say hello or, you know, get to know 2 people during the day. And I'm not saying get to know them to where you know, you know, everything about them. I'm just saying when you're at the grocery store and you're in the checkout line, say hello to the cash register attendant, you know, and use her name badge or his name badge to engage. And say, how are you, how's your day going, oh, you know, the weather's nasty out there, it's a beautiful day, isn't it? Those are really, when it comes to strangers, those are really easy ways to kind of break down that insecurity or that discomfort. I tend, I will joke with friends of mine and family, and I'm not joking, I'm in my laughter kind of masking my own stuff. But I'll say that I have a much easier time on blind dates than I do on a date with someone that I really like and that I've been attracted to and he finally asked me out. Blind dates, I have no expectations. It's like strangers, you have no expectations. When it comes to somebody that you know or that you revere or in this case that you might be attracted to, all of a sudden the expectations kick in and that creates a lot of nerves. Just kind of get comfortable with just making eye contact, which is the other key thing, is make eye contact. Maybe that's a goal, is that you're just going to go out and when you go for a walk, you're not going to keep your head down looking at your dog or pretending you're looking at your dog. Just as you walk by people at the grocery store, at the gas station, at the park, you just look at directly in their eyes and smile or say hi. Uh, I, I feel floored sometimes when someone walks directly in front of me and is approaching me, maybe even just to pass me on a walk or whatever, and they just are a blank sheet. Because I'm like, "Hi," or I'm smiling, or, you know, they might have earbuds in and you just smile at them. Whatever the case might be, you could be learning to kind of let your guard down, especially when it comes to strangers, and then that'll flow over into people that you might revere or You know, maybe they do intimidate you or they are your boss or whatever the case might be. Smile. When you walk into a room, say that gala, the last question addressed a gala that one of my clients is going to or was going to, you know, the easiest icebreaker is just simply to smile. If someone all of a sudden passes you, maybe, you know, kind of you rub shoulders or whatnot, You know, a smile, you know, is the easiest way to let your guard down. When, when you walk up to the, to the bar to get a cocktail, or to the table to get something to eat, smiling at the people in front of you or across the table, whatever the case might be, will most likely lead to the easiest word in a conversation you could be having with people to let your guard down. And that's Hi, hello, how are you? How's your day going? Beautiful, you know, environment or beautiful place we're in, isn't it? But hi, hi and a smile and eye contact, and you know, you would have no worries because all of a sudden you're going to help the other person to let their guard down through your smile, through your hello, you know, through that eye contact. And the next thing you know, you're in a conversation. Now to start a conversation, simply ask questions that won't get you a yes or a no so it's an immediate kind of closure to a discussion. You want a conversation. So try to ask open-ended questions about that person or about the event or about the gala or the location, whatever the case might be, that will allow you to start a conversation. So for instance, As opposed to saying, "Hi, I'm Bernadette. Who are you and what do you do?" you might say, "What do you do or what do you like most about your job?" Maybe it is somebody that you know at work but you don't really know a great deal about them. Obviously, you don't need to say, "Hi, what do you do?" You know. But maybe you say, "Hey, Joanne, what is it that you like most about your job?" and that will start a conversation. Maybe if you're, you know, you're smart, you've also done some research or homework on key people that you want to meet at that social. So you maybe looked them up at Facebook or LinkedIn or whatnot. Maybe you've learned who their spouse or partners are, their kids, what colleges they went to, what hobbies they have, and those are all great conversation starters. Then as you're having a conversation, The easiest thing to do is just to ask a question and then stop and simply listen. And that listening will not only show them respect and consideration, that you are actually interested in having a conversation with them, but it'll also create follow-up questions for you based on their answers or based on their stories that they tell. You can then follow up with them on that. Say they mentioned that they spent the weekend cycling, you know, up in the mountains. You could say, oh, you know, what mountains? Or how long have you been cycling? Or is it motorcycling? Or is it, you know, road biking? So once you get into a conversation and you're asking questions, just stop. It's okay if there's pause and silence, you know, between the two of you. 'Cause it'll show that you are listening and respecting and attentive and caring about what the other person has to say, and it'll add additional points of discussion for you to then get comfortable in that relationship building with whether it's a stranger or somebody you just don't know at work. The one caution I want to throw out there when it comes to this, though, is say you're having a conversation and something touchy, something, an issue or some toxic comment made, something that would, you know, kind of get the hairs on your neck to rise. I would definitely caution you, and this is probably something I should have added in the previous question about mistakes people make, 'cause the mistake would be that you all of a sudden create a fight or a debate or something, you know, just gets hostile, you know, as a result of an encounter with someone. What I would suggest is if you get into a conversation that gets touchy or something said inappropriately, and maybe somebody is gossiping or bad-mouthing somebody else, you don't want to get into that situation. You don't want to feed it. You don't want to fuel it. You don't want to provoke it. You don't want to do anything with it, and you need to just kind of casually find your— find a way to back yourself out of that and move on, or change the conversation, or just, you know, kind of say, well, you know, you know, I don't want to talk politics tonight, or I don't want to, you know, talk about the team tonight, I don't want to talk about work, if you don't mind. And, and if you get a cold shoulder from somebody, you get a cold shoulder from somebody, but you saved yourself the situation of, you know, that could turn ugly and that could backfire on you as opposed to that other person. So don't even try to get in the middle of it. You know, when it comes to just going into a place that you're uncomfortable or you don't know anyone, you ever go to a wedding by yourself? I have. And you know absolutely no one but the bride and/or the groom, of which you're not going to get anything but maybe 5 minutes of of conversation with, and you're expected to not only go to the ceremony but also the reception. You know, there's planning that goes into things like that. You know, coming up with those questions in advance, and when it's not coming up with the questions in advance, it's definitely leveraging the conversation to add and enrich the dialogue back and forth. Excuse me. So, you know, the more prepared you are, the more comfortable you'll be. So just don't walk in without any forethought. Just really, you know, be intentional about what it is you want to experience in that event and kind of make note, not literally if you don't want to, but make note to yourself as to what you'll do. Make that eye contact, smile, say hello, ask an open-ended question. That will break down the discomfort that you're feeling. All right. Excuse me. We're going to jump into, because then that will give us time for a break and then answer the last question, which will be a little deeper. But one of the questions I had been asked, this came also as a follow-up to our Shedding the holiday Bitches and Blues episode last week, we happened to start talking about commercialism. So one of the— a Psychology Association survey found is that commercialism during this time of year really stresses people out. And I had commented that it got me thinking about how I respond to commercialism. Now, you know, commercialism is you know, all the advertising and all the promotions and the discounts that you're just seeing everywhere. Whether it's on the side of buses, it's on TV, it's on the radio, it's on your news feeds on your phone, it's, you know, we're just barraged with those type of things these days. And at the same time, not only the advertising side makes it commercialism, but, you know, there's definitely those who feel that Santa Claus and, you know, the snowman is not appropriate and is commercialism around this time of year. This time of year is supposed to be around, depending upon your belief, but it's supposed to be around, you know, recognizing God and recognizing Christmas and recognizing the birth of Jesus. And depending upon your religion, you might define it in some other way, and maybe it's not religious. Maybe it's spiritual. However you ex-commercialize the season. So I happened to get into a conversation last week on that episode that I recognized last week during the show, but I had recognized in the past that I didn't— you know, when I decorate my house and when I decorate my tree and when I buy Christmas cards, I don't make it commercial. I don't have Santa Clauses and fake snow and snowmen and even, well, reindeer, I don't even have reindeers, kind of as my settings, as my decorations, as my identity around this time of year. It is more around Christmas, the birth of, the birth of Jesus, the, um, uh, crosses, uh, you know, ornaments around Mary, um, the Blessed, you know, Virgin. Uh, it's, it is for me more religious, more spiritual. Um, so this question came back to me in regards to, okay, it's great that you kind of know what it is that you want and don't want, but how do you actually reflect that externally? So for instance, they were asking me about the pressures of Happy Holidays versus Merry Christmas. You know, they don't want to offend anyone because that person might be Happy Hanukkah, not Happy, not Merry Christmas. And when it comes to gift giving or the cards or even just the beliefs and the discussions that happen this time of year. What do I actually do externally? And I had to tell them that I just stay true to that. Not to say that I've never said happy holiday. I did live in a time where I was very politically correct, and therefore happy holiday was kind of politically correct so you don't offend anyone. I would say that over the last last 4 or 5 years. I've pulled that back in because I definitely find this time of year to be very personal. So it is Merry Christmas. And I would just say to anyone is to just stay true to who you are and what your values are. And by doing that, no one should be offended and no one should, you know, think, you know, less of you for doing that. I have, you know, I have a girlfriend of mine down in Miami, and she's Jewish, and she knows I'm Catholic. And, uh, you know, it's never really been a point of anything in our relationship, but we've always respected each other. I just love how she— and, and quite honestly, uh, the Jewish religion as a whole— how true they are to their religion, to their beliefs, and to their holiday of Hanukkah, which they should be. And they don't make any excuses for it. And not to say that my Catholic friends or my Catholic family makes excuses either. I'm not saying that. I'm just saying we do fall into the political correctness in a lot of cases, and I would just say, at least for me as I'm getting older and wiser and more true to who I am, is just stay true to who you are. If you want to put up a cross or a star or some reflection, a manger was what I was looking for earlier, a manger as a decoration or something to reflect how you view this time of year. Whatever it might be, then you just stay true to that, and other people will respect, respect that. And if they don't, what do I always say? Then you just need to shed that bitch. You just need to kind of, you know, not allow that to affect you in any way, shape, or form, um, because this season is for you individually you. For all of us as a community as well, but it starts with you, and then you're gonna— then that'll just allow you to then put all the joy and all the love and all the kindness, um, of what the season is about into, um, into, uh, your season and the season for your community around you. Um, so stay true to who you are and decide what you want to do and, and what you want to represent. All right, we're going to take a quick break. When we get back, we're going to be talking about gifts, another popular question about what do, what do you do when it comes to gift giving, especially at work. We'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette's book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, North Georgia Tax Solutions, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate-size clients. Go to NGTaxSolutions.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium-sized businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker.va@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back everyone. We are talking kind of the holiday dos and don'ts on this episode of Ask Me Anything. We had a great conversation last week. If you haven't had an opportunity to download last week's episode, which was Shedding the Holiday Bitches and Blues, it generated a number of questions, follow-on questions and new questions from our listeners, and I thought, well, we would make this particular Ask Me Anything episode about the holidays, especially when it comes to work-related. So we've talked about kind of what are the biggest mistakes people make when it comes to holiday socials and holiday parties during this time of year, and what, you know, kind of how do you prevent yourself from falling into the trap of making those mistakes. What are some talking points? How do you get comfortable with being uncomfortable at social gatherings if you're going into an event of strangers and/or even people that you might work with but don't really know from a social perspective. And then we touched on how do you embed your religious beliefs into the holiday at work and at home to where you're not necessarily falling into the trap of being politically correct. If that's not aligned and congruent with who you are. But, and this last question was definitely one that came out of our last discussion, and it was about gift giving. And the question was basically, do I have to get my boss or my teammates a gift? And if yes, what do I get them that won't break the bank? Now, this is a very personal question, by the way. Yes, you probably can find career advice around it or some other, you know, type of expert advice around it. For me personally, it's become more of a personal question and answer than a directive or, you know, piece of advice from a leadership coach, and the reason why is because you know, growing up, and I discussed this last week, growing up it was never really about giving gifts, and if they were gifts, they were pretty much handmade or hand-me-downs even. Being that I'm one of 11, you know, brothers and sisters, or one of 12 actually, one of 12, that's how our parents raised us. And then when it came to the nieces and nephews, that the expectation was set, you know, very early on We did Pollyannas or white elephants as someone, Deborah mentioned to me, that is another term for kind of a Pollyanna type of gift giving. So it's become personal for me because I was never a big gift giver as a result of that. And if I was, it wasn't necessarily around Christmas. You know, I never really felt obligated. That said, I certainly, you know, would treat my team to a lunch or whatever the case might be. So, to kind of give some advice and some things to think about and consider is, first, only do anything if it feels right and feels good to you. Don't do it out of obligation. Don't do it out of intimidation. Don't do it out of being politically correct. Don't do it out of the fact that, you know, Mary Jane next door, you know, in the next cube over is doing it. Do it because it's coming from the heart and it's something that you want to do. And once you decide that it's something that you want to do, don't feel like— don't measure yourself and don't measure maybe how much you spend or what the gift is based on what everybody else is doing either. You know, say instead you are a knitter and you decide you want to knit your gifts, or you make clothes and you decide you want to make hats or scarves or whatever the case might be. You know, it doesn't necessarily have to come from a store, talking about commercialism like we did earlier. It doesn't necessarily have to come from, store. And even if it does come from a store, it could be a box of candy, or it could be a little gift card. Maybe, you know, your boss, should you choose to, you know, want to gift them, you know, maybe they're regular Starbucks, you know, patrons. So you go get a Starbucks $10 gift certificate. Nothing makes me more excited. I have one colleague, one affiliate colleague, I'll call her, where we share leads and help each other get referrals. And, you know, she'll pop me, you know, every once in a while, like, I'll get a $5 Panera's gift card, you know, in the mail. One, I love getting mail, you know, that's, that's not bills, and that's still kind of, you know, uh, a card, so to speak. But then I get a— I open it up and it's a $5 gift card. Hey, I'm not judging whether it's $10, $15, $25, or that it should be. So it could be as simple as that. It could be a holiday card, whatever, you know, whichever you celebrate. You know, it could be— especially as we addressed, you know, staying true to your religious beliefs and what this season means to you. Maybe it is a Hanukkah card, maybe it is a happy holiday card, maybe it is a Merry Christmas card, maybe it's a Kwanzaa card, whatever, you know, whatever. People still love opening their mailbox and seeing handwriting. Some people use, you know, SendOutCards, I guess, and they're computer-generated type of cards. Those are fine too. I love the cards. I actually shot a number of past years' family photo cards. I sent it to a friend of mine. I was going through some photos and I found like the last 6 years of her family photos that she sends like a little postcard type of format. And I've saved them because I, you know, would put them up on the wall to see how her kids are growing type of thing. Don't take for granted that the smallest little, you know, I don't want to call it a gift, but the smallest little sign of appreciation to someone. Is enough. A handwritten note, you know, would be very much appreciated. Get creative is the bottom line, is just to get creative. If you feel that there is a need to go over, you know, kind of over and beyond or do something of substance, then all I suggest to people is don't all of a sudden it become November 25th, December 1st, and you start panicking about what it is that you, you know, need to do, you need to spend, you know, going into the holiday season. The holiday season, come January 2nd, you know, now you have 10 months, 11 months, 12 months to plan for. So have an idea, come up with a plan as to how the season is going to, you know, kind of roll out for you, and what are you going to do about gifts and the people that, you're going to gift. What are you going to do about budget and spending? What are you going to do about any number of things that pertain to the holiday season? And if you go back to last week's episode of Shedding the Bitch Radio, the episode of Shedding the Holiday Blues and Bitches, you'll— we talked about this, so you'll get a little bit more details and suggestions and advice around it. But whatever the case might be, this is a joyful time of year. We shouldn't be just isolating this time of year to be joyful. However, there's an elevated, you know, expectation from people, and you definitely want to be able to enjoy it. You want to be present. You want to be intentional. You want to be aware. You want to be open and transparent and vulnerable this time of year because you want to feel it and really take it in for what it is. And then worry about kind of the chaos that hits come January 2nd. But I pray and I hope for all of you that these tips and pieces of advice will help you really enjoy the holiday season. And if you ever do have a question all year long, you can always post your questions on Facebook or Twitter on our Shedding the Bitch pages. And even on sheddingthebitch.com, our blog, and I'd be more than happy and honored to be able to provide you additional tips and pieces of advice for you. Enjoy the holiday season. We'll certainly be back, right back here next week. We're gonna start talking about getting ready for 2019. But right now, focus on enjoying December and the holiday season, and everything that it brings to you. And I'll look forward to talking with you right back here next Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Thanks everyone.

Thank you for listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. Join Bernadette every Tuesday at noon Eastern as she helps you shift your bitches to riches. And the dialogue is always going on at sheddingthebitch.com. See you next week.

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