Ask Me Anything - Closing out the year, 2021 Goals, Family Holiday Strife

Hello and welcome to Shedding the Bitch Radio, where you can discuss, debate, and get advice on how to discover and shed the bitches of fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negative mindsets so you can realize your dreams and life purpose and create and accelerate the riches you want in life. Join us here live every Tuesday at noon Eastern and dialogue with us at 818-572-2910. You can also chat with us at blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitch or share your stories on our website at sheddingthebitch.com. Whatever the bitch is that's holding you back from living your life to the fullest, it's not worth giving up the riches in life that you deserve. So call in now and let Bernadette Boas know what's holding you back.

818-572-2910. Good day, good day, good day, everyone. How are you on this blistering first day of December? Happy, happy, happy December, everyone. I hope you are doing well. It is about, let's see, about 30 degrees here in Atlanta, Georgia. Hot Atlanta, so they say. But I hope you are having a beautiful, beautiful day, evening, wherever you might be around the globe. And we certainly appreciate the fact that we do have such a global audience, and I do want to thank Those new listeners who might be here for the first time or maybe just a couple of other episodes, we certainly, certainly are thrilled that you have found our— whether it's the podcast streaming on iTunes, it could be streaming on Stitcher, you might have been catching us on BlogTalkRadio. We also broadcast live right into our Shedding the Bits page, which is where I am right now. And at the same time, you'll also be able to go and check it out on our Shed the Bits YouTube channel. So be sure that whatever you're doing, especially if you are new, come and join us each and every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. As well, be sure to leave us a comment, give us feedback. Today is Ask Bernadette, so you can be posting your questions. You can even send them directly to me at BernadetteBoas@BallOfFireInc.com. Leave your ratings, especially especially on iTunes and Stitcher and other places that really help get additional eyes and ears on our program. At the same time, I absolutely, absolutely, my heart loves our ongoing listeners and viewers who check us out each and every week. We so appreciate you. We so appreciate your input, your feedback, your comments, your ratings. Your subscribes and follows, likes and whatnot, please continue to do so because we are wanting to ensure that we can reach as many people as possible in order for them to help create riches in their own work and life. All right. Now, I should remind you, as I do each and every week, this episode is being brought to you by North Georgia Tax Solutions. They are a full-service financial and tax services company here in Georgia. However, they hire United States, and please reach out to them at ngtaxsolutions.com and even say hi to Debbie and let her know that I sent you. All right, now today is Ask Me Anything. I am taking your questions, stories, or challenges and hoping that I can provide you some tips and advice, sometimes tough love, to keep you moving forward. And I have to say that being that it's December 1st, being that at least here in the US we just kind of, you know, had our introduction to the holiday season with Thanksgiving this past weekend, and you are certainly running around crazy, overwhelmed, stressed, lost, just, you know, kind of almost like a gerbil on a wheel, just doing things, moving, and acting. While at the same time not quite sure, you know, what the end goal is. And so I want to at least help you get some clarity, focus, and energy around that so you have a beautiful, beautiful holiday season. All right, being that it is the last month of the year as well, we have a question from a business owner who's really trying to kind of work out She's relatively new, been in the business about 4 and a half years, and relatively new as to what she could be doing in December. Now this is a common, common question, so we want to address that. We'll also be talking about a situation that many of you have as well, but in this case it's a particular client who's really struggling to get her goals laid down and out on a piece of paper. More so, it's not about the piece of paper, more so really with the clarity of what it is that she wants to accomplish and what it is she needs to do in order to do that, and then what resources, what support, what budgets, so forth and so on, is going to allow her to accomplish that goal. So we'll talk about that. And then lastly, I had a situation come up, or just a friend come over to me and ask me a question about how to break some— some, what I'll call disappointing or stressful news to someone else, how best, how tactfully to do that. Now, if you do have questions of your own, please post them right here into our live chat. I am checking it out. If you are listening to us on BlogTalkRadio, you can scroll down right there on the portal and you can also find the chat room there, so I am there. And you can even call into me because I am live. You can call in at 1-818-572-2910. There's, there's just a number of ways that you could be able to get the support that you really need to address whatever situation that you're dealing with. Maybe it is a simple question you just like some advice on, but don't hesitate to ask. All right, that's what this episode is all about. But keep in mind, you could be posting to our Shedding the Bitch Facebook or Twitter page all month long, and Debbie and others on the team are watching those as well as I am, and I personally am going to get with you immediately, and then what I tend to do is take those questions and bring them right here onto the Shedding the Bitch radio program the first Tuesday of every month. But you still have an opportunity to reach out whether it's right before the show or during the show, and post your questions or call in or email me, BernadetteBoas@BallOfFireInc.com. All right? So, let's dive into this, and I think what I'd like to do differently than how I wrote it out from all of you, but I think I'll start with the business owner. How should I spend December in my work? Now, I did break this into two kind of sections, one for entrepreneurs and one for corporate professionals. All right? So, don't think that there aren't things that you could be doing in December as well to close the year out with a bang, and even I'll just talk briefly about going into 2021, because we will be discussing that in a couple of weeks. All right? For those entrepreneurs, I'll first address you. There isn't a time in the year that you don't have an opportunity to continue pursuing your current, you know, day, week, month, or yearly goals, all right? And December is no exception. Keep in mind, December is a powerful firecracker type of month for still going after business, proposing your business, and closing your business. And there's a number of reasons for that. One, it's because, especially if you're more service than maybe product, you know, service providers, companies are still looking to spend the budget that they had for last year, because in many businesses, if you don't spend it, you don't get it. So many of them need to spend throughout December, all the way up until December 31st, keeping in mind that just because POs and close on it in December, it doesn't mean you have to deliver it in December. It means that they might want to be, you know, kind of prepping what they need to kick off in the first quarter of 2021 or any new year. So even though you might be able to close a contract this month doesn't mean you have to be delivering it this month, which a lot A lot of business owners, especially service providers, are thinking that. They're like, "Well, you know, once I close it, I have to start delivering on it." And it's like, no, no, no, no, that's not the case. You know, once you are in those negotiations, you're talking about, "All right, when do you want this delivered? When do we want to start? When do we want to end?" Those type of things. And many, many companies are not necessarily initiating new projects in December, though they could. So, you know, don't get in your head in regards to that. You could still be proposing and closing on business this year. It goes to product providers as well. Many businesses, again, they need to spend what they had allocated to them this year. So they might want to stockpile product, and maybe you have to arrange, you know, kind of housing it, whatever the case might be, until they are able to deliver it whenever in the coming months. So again, the number one thing that you should you should still be working on in December is to be closing business. Now, several things that I'll say, you know, not all, but a good chunk of business owners don't think about is you could— December is the perfect month to be picking up the phone and calling your customer and saying, "How can I help? What can we do to close out the year? Do you have budget that you haven't spent?" or is there something that I can help you with in that regard? Um, you could be having conversations with your, your customers about what are their plans for 2021, what are the plans for first quarter, is there anything that they have planned then that some, some would naturally think, okay, I'm just going to wait till January or February, but yet you have the power of positioning to them, well, what, what if you were to take it now, contract it now, and if you do, I'll even give you a year-end, you know, bonus or discount as a result, and yet we won't start delivering on it, whether it's a service or a product, until January or February or whenever it is that they need it. You'd be surprised, especially if you're working more with the small to medium-sized companies, the executives that you're talking to may not even be considering that. Corporate, you know, large organizations often do. I mean, I've come across in my lifetime, you know, not even a handful of executives who really don't think that way. And yet, at the same time, majority of them do from a corporate perspective. But it doesn't hurt to ask. It doesn't hurt to ask. So, spend, you know, use November, December to really be reaching out to your, customers to find out, you know, what challenges are they currently having, what needs do they have, what does it look like, you know, before the end of year, what can you do to help. Great question, what can I do to help? Now, especially for those of you who might be targeting executives' goals of their own with, you know, any type of milestone that they need to hit before the end of the year, it's a perfect opportunity to, pick up the phone and call them and say, hey, how can I help you get over, you know, your revenue goals, or to meet your project deliverable? What, you know, what can I do to help? And trust me when I say I witnessed it for, you know, 20, 25 years, where executives are like, yes, okay, I need, you know, I need, you know, help with closing out business before the end of the year, so yes, definitely would love for you to help me. So certainly consider kind of a set of questions, a set of discovery, you know, we used to call them the discovery calls, that you could be having with your customers right now, all right? And don't think that as you get closer to whatever holiday they celebrate, and therefore the key date, that it's too late. Yes, they'll slow down, but they're not going to close out. Some do, don't get me wrong, some do, but a good majority of professionals out there, they are in some degree working all the way through, even if it's just looking at emails. And if something pops for them, then they are more likely to respond. So just be sure to not use the excuse And here I'm going to play your coach. Don't use the excuse that, "Oh, it's the holidays. No one, you know, wants me to be calling them or bugging them with anything." Don't bug them, but just be persistent is really what you could be doing there. The other thing that you could be doing is asking them— oh, well, we talked about that. Okay, the other thing you could be doing is then kind of prepping thank you letters, and this goes to corporate professionals as well. So, we always think about our family and our friends and our communities, but who is it that you want to be, you know, thanking for their support, for their work, for their contract, for whatever they, they were able to help you with this past year? You know, many of us even have our own coaches. So, as a coach, I have a coach. You know, I, I'm going to want to be thanking him for the support that he's been providing. So, spend the next couple weeks as well really considering that list professional people, your colleagues, your employees, your vendors, whomever, and prep thank-you notes to them. Genuine, heartfelt thank-you notes. And then, of course, you can be spending time as you get closer to, you know, your quiet time, your assessment of 2020. Some people wait till January. I kind of say don't, you know, because once this Once the cocktails are drank on, you know, New Year's Eve into January, everyone's full force into the new year. So take some time this year to even assess 2020. What worked? What didn't work? What would you do differently? That kind of thing. And we're going to talk more about that in the coming weeks as well. And I'll give you some deep dive— I'll give you an assessment document also that you can use. And then start planning for 2021. And if 2021 is just not, you know, kind of coming together yet, just even consider Q1, making sure that everything that you've assessed is then aligned into 2021. All right? And then, of course, celebrate. Celebrate. Now, for you corporate professionals, you want to finish strong as well. Get your desk cleared off. You know, close out those projects that you have or those milestones. Maybe it's not the end of the project. But at the same time those milestones. Hey managers, you could even use December to start working on performance reviews while it's fresh as to how your people performed. And I say this because so often January comes around, February comes around, and managers are often waiting until they're forced to have to sit down and do performance reviews. And it's something that 95% of most managers that I've ever encountered as a coach or not a coach, they, you know, they kind of do everything in their power to negate, avoid, ignore that they have to be doing performance reviews. You are a leader and your people need you. So put performance reviews on your list of to-dos for December. All right, while it's fresh, while the year is still here. And you aren't yet into the flurry of your 2021 goals. All right? Now, for many professionals out there at any level of business, you could be positioning a raise, a bonus, a promotion. You know, you could be going after jobs. Keep in mind, professionals, you know, recruiters and companies are still hiring and they're still looking for people. They do not close. Close out, especially from a recruiter perspective. They're, you know, incented on finding great candidates for their openings. So do not use the excuse of, you know, it's December 1st, everybody's going to be, you know, quieting up. Go after the bonus, the raise, the promotion, or the job that you want. Now, when it comes to the raise and the promotion or the bonus, I, I can imagine rolling eyes. Again, there's money to be spent, and if you have a business case— yes, it's a business case that you have to position to your boss, to HR, whomever— that you are deserving, you have earned a raise or a bonus or an opportunity to, uh, interview for an opening, uh, you know, that, you know, continue doing it because they too have budgets and they have monies that they need to take care of. They have openings that they need to close. They have positions they want to ensure are ready to go come January 1st. So do not hesitate to put together your business case and present that. And all they can do is say no. But now you're even prepared— well, you're even preparing your manager for a couple things, but you're also prepared. For the performance review that it will be coming in the, you know, the not-so-distant months, as well as you have already been, you know, in your own mind and prepared what you were able to accomplish this past year. What did work, what didn't work, what challenges you had, what opportunities you had, where you exceeded in the work that you did. You're feeding and helping your manager in that respect. Because, again, they're sitting there going, "Oh, I really don't want to have to write up performance reviews." And you're helping them by even you spending some time, whether you're even asking for a bonus or a raise or a promotion, you're even taking time to do your performance review now while it's fresh, while you, you know, have immediate memory of what you might have done, you know, January, February, October, November, so forth and so on. So, but don't hesitate going after that money in whatever form that might take. Because, again, people have budgets and they need to be spent or they're going to possibly go away. Not in all cases, but in a lot of cases, all right? You could proactively, even without a link to a promotion or a raise, you could just be going to your boss or going to other managers and asking. So, what are your plans for 2021? You know, where do you think, you know, the big strategies or the big initiatives are going to come from? And you could be positioning how you'd like to fit in on that. So, spend December as well considering your goals for 2021, whether that's your position goals, your roles and responsibility goals, as well as it's your personal or professional development goals. Position, you know, right now, start putting bugs in people's ears around what it is you'd like to be working on in the new year, and are there opportunities. And at the same time, even if there aren't opportunities, because again, the minute someone gets a no, they kind of move on. And I would sit there as your coach, I would sit there and say, no, no is not the end. No just gives you an answer, and now you can say, All right, well, if you haven't thought of it, or you— or if you haven't needed it, then is there an opportunity for you to consider it? Maybe they never thought of, you know, a role or responsibility or skill or training or something that you're presenting to them, and therefore you could be putting bugs in their ears as to creating opportunities for yourself or for the company as the new year comes in. Okay, so start having some very proactive, strategic conversations with people this month about, you know, what's— what, you know, what their view of 2020 was and what will need to be done in the new year and how can you fit into that picture. Again, you could also be putting together some thank-yous as well. Of course, teams often will do something for their boss or for each other. But consider for yourself. It's another thing a lot of individual professionals don't consider is, you know, one way of building your brand, your personal brand within your workplace is to also be very considerate and very grateful and thankful for whomever might have helped you or supported you this year. You know, let them know, recognize them for it. Okay, so that's another area that you could be focusing on this, this month as well. And then again, plan for 2021. Start laying out your goals. Go in on January 1st with goals. Don't land up like, you know, the majority of people do. Uh, not only business, you know, business I often can, you know, find departments, divisions, the whole organization without their goals laid out until March, April, or May. That's just shameful. You know, what are— you need to be thinking for yourself, what do I want to be, you know, getting out of bed all excited about and working on come January 1st? You know, put those in place. Don't hesitate. All right? So, and then once all that's done, celebrate, celebrate, celebrate. Because despite all the chaos of this past year, there has been great achievement. There has been great opportunity. There has been great possibilities pursued and achieved. And so, ensure that you are recognizing yourself as well as the people around you and just celebrate. Okay? All right. The next question that I received, and again, I am keeping an eye on the various, I am working myself today. So if you're out there and you're listening and you have a question, story, or a challenge you want to get some help on, don't hesitate to call me directly, 1-818-572-2910, or go on to the BlogTalkRadio portal and you can scroll down underneath this episode and there's a chat room there. You can also come on to Shedding the Bitch Facebook page and I am there watching that, or you can just wait and you can always email me at BernadetteBoas@BallOfFire.com. Playerinc.com. Okay, all right. So the next question would be, um, how do I break it to someone that they aren't good enough to play up into a private group? So let me give you some context. This was a friend of mine, a pickleball friend of mine, the other night— last week actually— and he was asking me this question, and I thought, well, this is very relevant, even from business relationships perspective. And I'll get into that in a second, but let me break it down. So, uh, this, this individual, he came to me, uh, asking me this question. Uh, it was, it was basically that there's a private, um, higher level advanced player group that this guy, this gentleman, plays with. And someone else came to him one night when we were playing and said, hey, I would love to to, you know, join you in that group, with that group. And he didn't quite say what he said at that very moment in time. He just kind of scurried over to me, and he's like, hey, can I get your advice on something? And I said, sure. So think about it. This happens in many cases. You could be thinking about this when it comes to even your workplace. You know, it's what we just talked about. Managers who don't want to give performance reviews. It's managers who don't want to give, you know, kind of critique on someone's performance, someone's request for a raise or a bonus or a promotion. Think about that. You know, what does a manager say to somebody who comes to them and says, you know, I want to interview for this role or I think I'm deserving of this position. So forth and so on. It could be that, you know, you have a date or you're in a relationship and, you know, you're finally asking kind of where are we going from here and what are your intentions, you know, what's our long-term goal, and that person all of a sudden has to fumble and try to figure out how to possibly share that it's not working. You know, this happens in business and life on a regular daily basis. So, you know, you need to be considering how you would respond in those type of difficult situations. So I peppered him with a number of questions, as every good coach does, or maybe even a radio interviewer. But first, I, you know, kind of made sure— because again, this— we're also talking competition here, you know, this is a competitive, you know, a sport, competitive environment, which life is actually. And so I just asked them, hey, just consider, put yourself in that person's shoes. Consider, you know, when you were at a point where you really wanted to uplevel your game, ask for that promotion, you know, get married, but, you know, all of a sudden you're wanting to go and you know, play with other, with other players, play with other groups, especially those that are private, that are more advanced, you know. And therefore, you know, what, how did you feel? How did you feel? And managers, put yourself in your, you know, in, in their shoes as well, in your employees' shoes as well. Those in relationships, put yourself in, in the shoes of the person who's asking you about your intentions. But first, definitely try to, you know, be empathetic and really consider the other person's feelings, the other person's wants and desires. And in this case, you know, this person is thinking that they're good enough to play with that group, and, and they really want to, and they want to up-level, they want to get better, they want to improve. Um, you, you certainly don't want to be the, you know, the one who squashes their dreams, so to speak, which is Certainly dramatic or overdramatic, I will say. But you, you know, so you need to really kind of feel it and appreciate it because that will help put you in a frame of mind to be tactful and to be supportive, even if the news is, you know, well, you know, you may not be a fit. But from there, you really need to consider, are you the person who could be making that decision? And what I mean by that is, so this gentleman could have certainly said, Carl could have certainly just said, "No, you're not a fit. You're not at the skill level," so forth and so on. But he wasn't even a decision maker in that. He was invited into the group. So he's not even the decision maker. So in that case, and the same might go for a promotion, The same might go for a raise or a bonus. Your boss has a lot of, you know, decision-making power, but he might not be able to approve something. So when you're not in, you know, in a power position, as Karl wasn't, then you need to consider asking a number of other questions, hoping that maybe they disqualify themselves. So let me give you an example of what I mean by that. So you can start asking him, or at first, I'm sorry, at first you could start saying, well, this is the criteria for the group. You know, you have to be invited by these individuals. They're going to need to see you play. You have to be at a certain level, skill level, and, you know, so forth and so on. You know, are you at the skill level that this group plays at? Now, If this, you know, if the other guy, who I also know, but if the other guy was honest with himself, he would have automatically disqualified himself and Carl would have been off the hook because he would have said, you know, no, I'm not at that level. Okay, well then you know now what you need to do in order to be able to get into this group. Same with managers, same with managers. You know, your employees deserve to understand that they may or may not fit the criteria. And therefore, then understand what they're going to need to do to get the skills and the leadership or whatever it is that they need in order to qualify for a job similar to that job, if not that job in the future. So we owe it to other people to confront difficult conversations and not offend and not get defensive and not hem and haw or ignore or avoid it. Just get into it and just start asking questions. So in this case, he didn't, um, so that wasn't an opportunity for, um, the other person to disqualify themselves. So I went on, went on to say, okay, so, you know, you could share with him, um, not only the criteria but any, you know, individual that they may need to reach out to. You're not able to invite anyone, you know. If they want to, they can certainly go and talk to Joe Sam and Harry and see if, you know, they're able to, you know, get invited. And hand it to the person that are the decision makers. Let me just make sure.

Yeah.

And, you know, but the most important part of any communication, whether it's a fun, collaborative, engaging one or it's a difficult, with conflict and confrontation, is just to be upfront be honest and tactful. Be direct, but also just recognize the other party has feelings as much as you do, and so try to be as supportive and tactful as possible while, you know, giving them the information that they need. And in this case, the information that they need— can or can't join this group— because that person's not in the power position. Therefore, you know, just make sure they know I'm not in the decision-making position. This is the criteria. You could go and speak to this individual or individuals, and your job is done. So having difficult discussions, I totally get. Even as a coach, I certainly have to slow down, even as I am doing right now, I have to slow down and be very, very deliberate and considerate of what it is and how it is I want to share information. You would want to share information. So just when it comes to difficult feedback or input or critique, just be considerate of the other person and— but yet be direct and thoughtful and compassionate. Okay? All right, um, the last question that we have— and I'll keep an eye out on the boards— um, the last question that we have has to do with actually a client scenario that happened in the last several weeks. I actually posted it as a blog post as well, so you can always go to ballifiercoaching.com into our blog and you'll see it. And there's a reason why I'm pointing that out, because I provided you a a template resource that you can use should you have this similar situation. So basically the scenario goes like this. And as a coach who is also very, very focused on goal achievement, everything I do, you know, stems from you or anyone getting really clear and focused and confident and energized and determined around the goals and the dreams that you have for yourself, all right? So oftentimes clients are like, you know, we're talking a lot about my goals, we're really pounding at these goals. And I'm like, yes, because until you're really clear and confident about them and you're committed to them, will you actually act on them and achieve them. Not only act on them, but then also be able to handle any obstacles or any limiting belief system that might come up. In order for you to, you know, to overcome and move forward with them. So yes, I do, and I'll be very upfront with anybody in regards to that. So when she brought up to me— actually, what was happening was we were expecting her goals to, to have been written down and finalized and passed on to her, her boss and HR and the company as, as they, their guidelines state, and they— it wasn't happening. It just wasn't happening. So it was time for me to intervene and just simply ask, why? What's going on? Why aren't you, you know, why aren't you getting your goals down on a piece of paper? And she actually responded with, well, I really don't know how. And now she's telling the person who, who is a goal achievement guru, who is, um, you know, passionate about the SMART methodology that helps and guides people to easily translate what it is that they want into goals. But more importantly, because the fact that it's something that I educate, not just coach, but I educate on a regular basis. So I just, I said, really, are you really not clear on the methodology and the process that we have been talking about? She's like, no, no, no, I get that. I get the mechanics. And I said, okay, so it's not that you don't know how to create goals. And when she thought about it, she's like, no, no, no, no, that's not, that's not what I'm trying to say. I'm like, okay, good, that's good. She's like, well, I also haven't found the time. And again, can you relate to this? So I said, okay, you don't have the time. Well, guess what? Once a week you have time dedicated with me. So why don't we then use that time solely on you getting your goals down. And when she started hemming and hawing about that, you know, I knew that, well, it's not a time issue either. You know, it's really not a time issue. Um, and, uh, so then I said, okay, so it's not a time issue. I can tell from, from your voice and from your, you know, your face, because we were doing a Zoom. I said, um, you know, so what else is it? What's, what's going on? Well, you know, I don't even want to commit to any goals because they're always changed. My boss is always changing them. Now that's a scenario that happens, you know, on a day-in, day-out basis regularly, and especially in business. You know, you have one goal and all of a sudden, you know, everyone else has different goals and you're, you know, thought you were working on one project and now you have to kind of, you know, steer left and work on another project. You know, so that's a very, very common, and it should be for many professionals, a very expected outcome. But that doesn't, you know, happen 100% of the time. And even if it were to happen, you know, your original goals set in concrete to where you can't even break it, you know, into pieces and change it around and put it back together again. You know, goals are there as a roadmap. Goals are there as a guide. They're— it's not as if they can't be changed or won't be changed and take different directions or, you know, take a different look and feel to them. So that's not an excuse. And these are all excuses. And I often feel that my job as a coach is often just to kind of catch my clients' excuses. So we can turn them into more reasons that we have solutions to. So yes, it could be a reason that you don't have time, or a reason you don't know how, or a reason that you don't want to commit. But let's turn it into a reason as far, you know, as opposed to an excuse, because with a reason we can then find a solution to it. All right? So, you know, she went on to kind of then dig a little deeper. And it was more about accountability because I happen to say, is it more that you don't want to be accountable to you stating you, you're going to accomplish this and it doesn't happen? Is it, you know, more that you don't want to be accountable to, you know, someone then saying, okay, well, you said you were going to be doing this, so where are you at with it? And if you're not, you know, on track, why? And if you are, great. And if you're not doing anything, toward it, why. So a good amount of individuals, of you out there, don't want to be held accountable. Now, on the flip side of that, I get my clients very quickly into where they're very comfortable with accountability. Because think about, especially if you're a parent, to kids, you know, they may kick and scream and act as if they don't want discipline, they don't want structure, they don't want accountability. They don't want consequence, they don't want compromise, they don't want sacrifice. But they actually do, and they actually kind of need it. And I think we— and not I think, we all do. We all need accountability. We all need to, you know, kind of step up and own what it is that we're making commitments to and deliver on it. And if we don't deliver on it, okay, then Be accountable to why, what's going on, seek help, make adjustments, whatever the case might be. So after that conversation, and, you know, again, can you relate to any of this? Are you having these, you know, discussions, these excuses with yourself? You know, if you're fortunate, are you having them with your coach or someone else, a peer or a colleague acting as your mentor or coach? And, you know, because a good majority, like I said, everything I do is around goal achievement, helping my clients achieve their goals. But there's a lot of work before that, even before they start acting on their goals, that we have to do in order to even get them to where they're, you know, not only declaring them, owning them, and achieving them, as I say, but even getting them down on paper. So then we, you know, so then we kept talking. And it got down to that, you know, she was afraid that she wouldn't accomplish them. And I was like, awesome! She's like, what? I'm like, that's fantastic! Now we're at the core. We're at the core emotional reason why, you know, she's hemming and hawing and we don't have the goals that we have been expecting to receive. In, you know, over the last several weeks. So I totally get that. I totally get that. You know, a good amount of, of people are afraid of failure, afraid of not succeeding, afraid of, you know, not being able to do what it is that they set themselves up in a goal to do. I get it. There's also a lot of people such as myself, that can also suffer from a fear of success in getting their goals out there and acting on them and achieving them. Because succeeding means there's a lot of change that obviously, you know, is going to go on. There's a lot of adjustments, there's a lot of pivots, as they say. You know, for instance, while I was writing my book, let alone my screenplay. You know, as much confidence and certainty and energy and excitement I had about doing it and about having a book, about having a script, so forth and so on, you know, I fell into a lull on both, both projects. I fell into a temporary lull, of which then the coach that I had at the time would be like, okay, so what's going on? I'm like, well, geez, what if this is successful? You know, what is that? What's that going to mean? To where I live, where I work, what work I do, you know, so forth and so on. Imagining that all of a sudden I'm going to be uprooted and all of a sudden I'm going to be, you know, doing something totally different than what I'm doing now. And, you know, so they came back to me and I go back to my clients with the very same question. Isn't it why— why you wanted to achieve this goal? Isn't it why you wanted to even pursue this goal? So I can appreciate one's fear around it, but if that's how— what you've defined as your why, what makes you happy, why would achieving something have on your spirit, have on your life, have on, you know, your, your outlook, how on your happiness and your joy You know, why will this goal be, you know, transformational in what it is you're doing or who it is you're seeing or living with or married to or, you know, where you live or the work that you do? Why is it important for you? And I get that it— that can be scary to consider that and then to consider that all happening. At the same time, they're your goals, and you know, goals are scary. Change is scary. And yet you deserve, as this individual does, you deserve to pursue them and achieve them and, and have that butterfly of fear as the changes and transformations and shifts are moving and, and coming about, because it's your why, it's why you did it in the first place.

Okay?

All right, so I went on to say, well, to her I didn't need to offer it up, but on the blog post, if you go to ballofirecoaching.com into our blog, you'll see a few rich tips there, and one of them is a resource. So one is I would offer up to you to download our free goal-setting worksheet. Template that will help you work through the "I don't know how to set goals." So, there's a nice template there that explains the SMART methodology, and then you can start planning your own goals, whether that's for December or for even going into 2021. Then I would suggest, you know, to get past the excuse of "I don't have time," I'm a— huge believer in time blocking, but that's for another conversation. So, uh, you, you know, time block. Put 30 minutes on your calendar right now. Put 30 minutes on your calendar sometime this week to work on your goals, whether that's for December or it's for 2021 or it's for next week or next month. It doesn't matter, but put 30 minutes aside. Now, when I tell you 30 minutes will be a lot of time, it is. But if I told you just put 10 minutes on your calendar, you'd probably be like, you know, I can't do it in 10 minutes. You put 30 minutes. You start the discipline of goal setting. Maybe you do it once, you know, in big chunks, like I said, for, you know, a month, a quarter, a year. But you'll get to the point where you'll recognize the power goals have on your daily, results, your daily productivity, your daily focus, energy, confidence, and you'll turn into a daily planner, a daily goal setter. But start with 30 minutes on your calendar and get rid of the excuse that you don't have time. Okay? Make a commitment. The biggest thing about goals, you can have them written down, you can block your calendar, it doesn't matter. If you're not committed to yourself, if you're not committed to your joy, your happiness, your success, your future, then no goal on a piece of paper or on a vision board or on your computer is going to help. You need to be committed to your goal and feel it as if it's something that if you don't, you know, you're just going to wither up and die. You need to be committed to your goal. So, spend time to really think through your commitment to your goal. All right, now lastly, for any of these situations about, you know, how you talk to yourself and how you talk to other people, words matter. I'll put it that simply. When it comes to, you know, you being effective and a good time manager and productive, when it comes to you getting rid of any limiting beliefs that are holding you back and keeping you down, when it comes to just you simply needing some help in defining your goals, defining the vision you have for yourself, understanding your why, then I definitely, definitely want to invite you to our 5-Day Goals to Riches Challenge that starts Monday, December 7th at noon Eastern time. It's a powerful 5 days that will give you all, all the tools and the tips and the resources and support that you need in order to gain the clarity and the focus and the energy, confidence, and determination. It'll help you eliminate with tools that will help you eliminate your limiting beliefs, manage them, influence them, overcome them. It'll give you a 5-step formula for really being able to pursue and achieve the goals and the dreams that you have for yourself. And it's a fun, collaborative, and engaging 5 days. So go to goals2riches.com www.bowls2riches.com and register for our event that starts Monday, December 7th at noon Eastern time. All right, I will take one look to see if any other comments or questions came through, and then I will thank you for joining today and hope to see you next Tuesday at noon Eastern time for another episode of Shedding the Bitch Radio. Talk to you soon, everybody.

Bye. Thank you for listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. Join Bernadette every Tuesday at noon Eastern as she helps you shift your bitches to riches. And the dialogue is always going on at sheddingthebitch.com. See you next week.