Ask Me Anything on Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas

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Hello and welcome to Shedding the Bitch Radio, where you can discuss, debate, and get advice on how to discover and shed the bitches of fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negative mindsets so you can realize your dreams and life purpose and create and accelerate the riches you want in life. Join us here live every Tuesday at noon Eastern and dialogue with us at 818-533-1111. 572-2910. You can also chat with us at blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitch or share your stories on our website at sheddingthebitch.com. Whatever the bitch is that's holding you back from living your life to the fullest, it's not worth giving up the riches in life that you deserve. So call in now and let Bernadette Boas know what's holding you back. 818-572-2910.

Good day, good day, good day everyone! Happy, happy Tuesday and welcome to this edition of Ask Bernadette, Ask Me Anything, AMA. And basically, if you're new to the program, what that basically means is you can put a question, story, or challenge out on any one of our numerous social media sites, whether that's Facebook under Shedding the Bench, Twitter, I get questions through LinkedIn, you send them to me directly at BernadetteBoas@SheddingTheBitch.com. However you need to reach me or even Deborah, who's out there right now watching on Facebook and Twitter for any of your input, we just want you to reach out. If you have a question, if you have a story, if you have a challenge you're dealing with in your career, business, or life, get the answers. And if I can't answer them, then I'm gonna reach out to my posse of experts around the globe and make sure that you get the support that you need. Alright, now I mentioned last week I am actually out west in Los Angeles for the week pitching my script and making connections and moving my goals to that next level, so to speak. And therefore, what I did for today was piece together some of our most popular questions that we get, and then the tips, advice, and tough love that I had provided, um, in order for you to really gain some insights. And we've covered topics, uh, such as failing, how to handle it, what to do, how to prevent it, all that kind of good stuff. We're going to talk about, um, women and how women need to stand up and also stand out and how to stand out and how to differentiate themselves as they move up the corporate ladder and/or if they're taking on a business of their own. And then we also touched on the two most popular questions that I always get, but you're going to have to listen to the program to know what they are and also to gain the insights that were provided. So I hope you enjoy the program. I will be right back here live next Tuesday at noon Eastern time time, and we have some great shows lined up to kind of bring the holidays into the fold and at the same time really get you ready even for a new year. But we're not, we're not ready to have to talk about that just yet. So enjoy the program, and if you have any questions even based on what we talk about today, be sure to put those out on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, wherever, and I will get those responses and those answers out to you in a very short period of time. Time. All right, so let's just dive right in, shall we?

First up, here you go. Um, many of you feel it's much more comfortable, maybe, maybe safe, that when you see me out at a public speaking event or at a networking event or maybe a mastermind grouping of some kind, you'll then pull me aside and ask me whatever question that you might have at that point in time. And that's where we get this very first question, which is very relevant to all of you. And, and keep in mind, this is whether you're corporate or you're in a business on your own, and maybe you're seeking for a job, maybe you're seeking for a promotion, whether you're seeking for the type of leaders that you want for your own organization. I thought this question was so relevant that I have my own thoughts and ideas on it, which I'll share with you. However, I really wanted to reach out to one of my longtime strategic partners, Brant Hanley of Resource Options International, to answer this particular question, and you'll understand why when I, when I share it with you. But Brant, what he focuses on is for the middle market. Now when I say middle market, that's more so in that sweet spot of it's not a small business, but it's not a corporate mega juggernaut. So he really— his sweet spot is in that middle part where a company is beyond, you know, kind of early revenue, but yet at the same time they haven't really built out their team, and now they want to, and they're really looking for the top talent. And I thought it was really important to ask him specifically because we tend to think either, either small business, that we want to be our own entrepreneur or our own, you know, business owner, or we're going to work for a large corporate organization. And yet there's so much opportunity in the middle market. So let me pose the question to you that I was asked that I turned around and asked Brandt about. And that is, what are the key leadership traits that the CEOs are expecting you to be able to come to the table with? Now, I asked them to look at it in two different ways. One, from women specifically. So is there a difference between the two? But at the same time, just overall, what are CEOs of companies— keeping in mind he's in that middle market, but trust me when I say, um, the middle market certainly thinks like the corporate. This, this small market should begin and should be already thinking how the middle market and corporate CEOs are thinking when it comes to hiring. So what are the key leadership traits your CEO is expecting them to come to the table with? So his response verbatim is this: Again, there's no difference between men or women. Competence is number one. Expertise to do the job at hand with little or no oversight by the CEO. And I'm going to comment on that in a minute. Training. The ability to develop their direct staff to their highest level of capability. Now I went back to him and asked, when you say training, do you really mean mentoring, coaching, and training? So remember, we talk about both the mindset and skill set here in the Shedding the Bitch community. And when I hear training, I think skill set. When I hear mentoring and coaching, I think mindset. And he kind of came back saying, no, it's definitely the combination of both. It's mentoring and coaching and it's the training. The third thing is innovation, curiosity to always find a better way of doing things. So if you're ever wondering what a CEO is thinking about when it comes to hiring you or advancing you, forget about all the kind of the myths, the old boys club type mentality, not to say that doesn't exist, which we'll get to in a minute, But competence, the ability to develop your direct staff through training, coaching, and mentoring, and then innovation, your ability to really find a better and a different way of doing something. All right, those are some, some key responses and traits that a CEO looks for from an individual. But of course, I had to go on, and I really wanted to understand what would 1 to 3 tips be that he would have for female executives, female middle managers, female women, you know, even just starting off in their career. He kind of touched on the formers, more of the executives and middle managers, but that's okay because you can garner his advice even if you're just starting out in business. So what are the 1 to 3 tips you would have for female executives who are looking to up their game, take on greater roles, and to be sought out by even clients such as brands. So Brand responded, recognizing that the unfortunate reality is that female executives are held to a higher standard than male executives, and they need to be prepared to meet or exceed those standards to get the right opportunity. The second tip would be to get a successful businessperson— listen up, because I thought this was very relevant— Get a successful businessperson mentor who understands the challenges that women face today. They can be male or female, but should at least be a decade older than you. They can be a sounding board for your career direction and provide you coaching on key challenges. I'm going to come back and touch on that as well. And then lastly, third, be persistent. Don't take no for an answer and press on. Persistence, dedication, and a willingness to never give up will likely always win out an older male executive's prejudice. From question number 3 above, and that was about, you know, has anything changed and what, you know, should— what would women be and CEOs be looking for as far as their CEOs— I'm sorry, as far as their leaders coming into the company or getting advanced and raised up in the company. So I thought it was really important for me to share that with you. And we're gonna actually have, 'cause I asked him a series of questions, and we're actually gonna have his whole response written up as an article out on our Ball of Fire Rich Tip newsletter that we had just kicked off. It was about 2 weeks ago that we kicked off. And you can always go and sign up on sheddingthebitch.com and you'll be put into that newsletter. Or you can go to ballofireconsulting.com and we'll also put you on the list to start receiving that newsletter. And it'll go out on every other Wednesday, so tomorrow is our second edition. And, uh, uh, discussion regarding what CEOs are looking for, what— how are they hiring, how are they making their decisions— that interview will be written up in that newsletter tomorrow morning when it goes out. So you can check it out there and get more more feedback from Brandt. Now again, Brandt's organization works directly with middle market companies, but specifically their CEO. So when the CEO says, I'm looking for talent, this is the type of talent I'm looking for, then Brandt goes out and looks to, looks to find it. So he always has the ear of CEOs, middle market, even corporate. And if I know Brandt, he's also socializing and networking with the small market. It's just not the niche where he's He really spends a lot of time marketing and investing in, you know, helping those smaller companies find talent. His target market is that middle market. But he has the ear of CEOs, and when he kind of provides tips as far as reality checks, and I think it is a reality check for women that we all know biases exist. We all know that discrimination of some sorts exists. Disparity exists. But I want you to hear his— the talking points that he says around just recognizing that it exists. Work hard, do a really great job, exceed expectations, and be persistent and never say no, or never give up more so, and you will be recognized. You will be recognized. May take longer, may be more frustrating as there are some old beliefs and old perceptions out there regarding women in the workplace, but it really is up to you about how you either position it as I'm going to give in to those perceptions and kind of throw my hands up in defeat, or I'm going to look at it as just more momentum for you to just keep pushing forward and keep pushing forward and really never paying attention to it. So my take on it, and then we're going to move on because we have a number of questions to address today. My take on it is this. Maybe it's the way I was raised. Maybe it's because I have 6 brothers. Maybe it's because my parents never kind of put us in categories. Certainly if I were to think back on it, my brothers did the outside type work and we did the inside type work. But we all did work. It's, you know, so I never really looked at it as the type of work I was doing was either male or female. I think that really is up to you how you decide to look at it. If you decide to, you know, look at everything as if it's categorizing you in a certain way, well then that's how you're going to project yourself out into the world. I think reality checks such as from Brandt is very important because coming from a male's perspective into, you know, the female world, so to speak, he's going to give it to you straight. And that's why I love going back to him. And you'll get all of his information when we post that article and we start sharing it out throughout the networks, LinkedIn. I'll share it on Facebook and Twitter, and you can read more from Brandt. At the same time, I mentioned the Super Bowl because a second strategic partner of mine that I always like to kind of go back to is Jeffrey Tobias Halter, and you've met him before, he's been on the program. His book is called "Why Women," W-H-Y, "Why Women." And he really puts statistics behind the fact that, you know, women are generating huge amounts of ROI. Well, the reason why I bring him into this conversation right now, and the question that you asked about, you know, what are CEOs looking for in women, He also really touches on the idea that we have to begin changing perceptions, whether that's commercially, such as Super Bowl commercials. I mentioned I'd come back to the Super Bowl. As well as whether that's in everyday visuals that we see in magazines, up on billboards, in commercials, wherever, and in the words that we choose to use. So he raised up the, uh, Audi, the car company Audi, their Super Bowl commercial, which was all around equal pay for equal work. And so Jeffrey kind of touched on in some of the writings he's already put out since Sunday, all around this idea that, you know, women shouldn't be looked at differently. What do fathers tell their daughters when it comes to going out and being able to pursue whatever they want and being paid equally for the same work that a male might be— that male might be doing and being paid for. And so he also kind of taps in on why that was taken so negatively by many men in that, you know, all of a sudden this car company is pointing out that fathers have to do a better job with their children, with their daughters specifically, around gender disparity and what it is that women need to bring to the table— going back to our original question— in order to get recognized and earn what it is that they deserve to earn. So I'm going to post both of those on in response to this individual's question to me. It happened to be a woman at an executive event a few weeks ago, just always seeking the reality check as to what can women be doing in order to get recognized and get the positions that they want and get the advancement and the pay that they deserve. So I hope that answers your question, and it comes from someone that is there on the ground listening and hearing from these executives as far as what it is that they're looking for from their leaders. All right, we're going to take a short break, and when we come back, we'll continue our conversations of Ask Bernadette with your questions, stories, and challenges, and I'll provide you some tips and advice that you can use. In your day-in, day-out life. We'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette's book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business. Available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors: TSR Consulting, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate size clients. Go to TSRConsulting.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium size businesses. Email deborahparker@parkerhouse.com. Deborahparker78@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern Time. That's it, folks. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back everyone, this is Ask Bernadette. We're taking— I'm taking your stories, questions, and challenges and providing you some tips, advice, and sometimes, just sometimes, some tough love. I had mentioned for one of our other questions We were talking about the Super Bowl and the whole idea that being from Atlanta, it was very disappointing to see the great start that we had to the program or to the game and then see it all fall apart. And so it started a very lively conversation amongst a group of us in regards to what might have gone on in that locker room, specifically Atlanta's locker room afterwards when it comes to— what many people like to say is failing, and you know I don't like that word, I prefer to say misstep. But if we put it out there, what, you know, what do you think they might have been talking about? Were they shouting about it? Were they arguing about it? Or were they kind of going inward and considering it? And so the question that was asked was kind of what lessons does one learn from something like that, an outcome like that. Here you're, in this particular case with the Super Bowl, Atlanta versus New England. Atlanta's up 28 to 3 going into the fourth quarter. Well, maybe it was 28 to 10 by that point. And even my one sister was texting me saying, I'm not watching until the fourth quarter and Atlanta's still up that far because, you know, New England just has a way of rallying. Well, so does Atlanta. Atlanta is typically known as a fourth quarter closer. So what would you think, um, that team, the individuals, both the team as a group, would be doing that evening or even the next day when it comes to really assessing their performance and that outcome that happened? And if you want to say, you know, what lessons can I learn from failing, if that's the words that you need to use in order to lock it in, you know, to really understand, um, kind of very directly, very sternly, what it is that you could be doing differently or doing better, then that's fine. I just think any opportunity where you fail is a great life lesson if you know— if you not know how to, but if you're willing to just sit in it and kind of reassess it, experience it over again, and to glean the, the lessons from it. So I had made a few notes out of that conversation that we had had Sunday night. And my one brother posted online that that game is either going to be looked at as either one of great comebacks, a great comeback story, or a major failure or major defeat story. And I tend to look at it as it was one where New England just was never going to give up. You know, they just don't give up just because they're, you know, even down double digits of what experience has always shown. In the past, no one's ever come back to win a Super Bowl game if they were down more than 10 points. So even I was going into third quarter, fourth quarter saying, well, they've got to big gap to make up. You know, they're not going to make that up. And yet somebody else was commenting, who— I wouldn't give up on New England that quickly, you know, just because it's 18 points or 19 points, whatever it was at the time. I wouldn't give up on them. And obviously they proved everybody wrong because they didn't give up and they were able to exceed that gap to win the Super Bowl. So it really kind of made me think about never giving up just because you fail. You just need to kind of sit and assess at each and every play, not only when the, the points started building for them, but more so even what were you doing really right in the first and second quarter, or any aspect of your career, business, or life. What are you doing right and what's working and what's the result of that working for you? So in football, it's points, right? In your life, it could be revenue. In your life, it could be an advancement. In your life, it could be a great accommodation or recommendation as a result of some work that you did. It could be a strong relationship or an engagement as a result of the work that you put into your relationships. Every aspect of life has, you know, kind of wins and losses, if you want to put it that way. And so I would think that they're— I would think that they sat in that locker room feeling, you know, feeling very upset, disappointed in themselves. I don't necessarily think there was a lot of yelling and screaming going on. I don't think there was a lot of pointing of fingers. That doesn't get you anywhere. I think there was a lot of soul-searching, a lot of questions being asked, like, OK, so what could I have done differently on that play? What could I have done differently on that, you know, throw? What could I have done differently, you know, when we, you know, got tackled and we didn't defend, you know, the quarterback the way we needed to? So there's more of, okay, how can we look at this in a, in a positive way to determine what changes needs to happen the next time this comes around? But the key is this. The key is this: the next time it comes around. So when this person, you know, raised the question about what lessons can we learn from failing, it really kind of spoke to me as, well, what lessons are you going to learn from when you finally win it the next time, when you finally get where you are going, when you finally overcome whatever bitch might be, you know, holding you back? So looking at it more from the positive, productive aspects as opposed to the negative, unproductive, demeaning, demoralizing aspects of whatever it is that you're working on or pursuing or you're, you know, you're working your butt off to achieve. I wrote down, you know, you have to— you can't get in your own head. I imagine that, you know, coming off of halftime looking at a 28 to 3 score, you know, they're thinking, okay, we got this. And maybe they got in their own head. How many times do you do that? And even in a given day, you get in your own head about things. You get in your own head about what's working, what's not working, uh, why am I not, you know, gaining clients, why am I gaining clients, what, you know, why am I feeling so productive today, and yet, you know, this morning I was feeling, you know, totally out of it and totally dragged, you know, dragged down. The key is the outlook that you put to it, whether it be a positive outcome or a negative outcome. But I definitely found that they would have been recognizing that despite the outcome, they perform— they put on a great game. Uh, and I don't know what the analysts are saying. I've been sick in bed since that night, Sunday night. Um, I don't know what the analysts are saying, but I'm suspecting that they're giving Falcons a huge amount of credit, and they're also then touting the fact that the New England Patriots just have a quarterback and a team that also just keep pushing and don't give up. Until the very end. So I— anytime I look at lessons of failing or misstepping or not getting what you want or not getting the outcome that you were thinking and considering and wanting for yourself, simply look at it as what can you learn from this versus beating yourself up in any way, shape, or form. That's going to be the key is what can you learn from a situation like that as opposed to what, what you're going to just simply turn negative on and maybe lose any of the momentum, any of the positivity, any of the excitement or energy or focus or clarity that you had on something. And life is going to come with its ups and downs, and those downs, you know, as they say, are going to prove whether or not you really believe in what it is that you're doing. And so, some coming up in regards to the football experience for the Falcons, at least, it's— they know that they were deserving of that win. And if I know them, it'll put more fire in their belly for next year. And if you were to look at something in a certain way, I would say, you know, the chances of them getting back to the Super Bowl are huge. Working against them. The chances of you pursuing and achieving whatever it is that you want to be pursuing and achieving is huge to your benefit. Your, your opportunity, your window of opportunity is not as teeny-weeny as theirs is. Now, I'm not saying that they should give up and not try and just throw it, you know, throw their hands up saying, okay, well you know, the chances of us getting back to the Super Bowl are few and far between. Hey, New England Patriots have been there 7, 8 times, or even just Tom Brady of the New England Patriots have been there, uh, 7 times. So Atlanta Falcons can certainly do it again, and you can certainly learn from your missteps and, uh, your hiccups in the road and your, you know, downs as much as ups, and keep pushing forward so you can achieve the goals that you have for yourself. Makes sense? Because if not, then I'm blaming it on the Acacelsa cold medicine, is all I'm going to say. All right, we're going to take a brief break, and when we come back, I have several more questions from you that we'll get to on Ask Bernadette. We'll talk to you in a minute.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette Boas' book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, TSR Consulting, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate-sized clients. Go to TSRConsulting.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium-sized businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker78@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at MediaRelations@SheddingTheBitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back everyone, it's Ask Bernadette. Bernadette on our episode today, and that means that I am taking your questions, stories, and challenges and providing you some tips and advice right here on Shedding the Bitch Radio. So our next question, actually, you ever notice that when you're all of a sudden made aware of something, like say it's a certain model of a car that you never really paid attention to before, and then all of a sudden you're seeing it everywhere? Well, this question came up actually out of a comment, uh, that was made in our last show with Keisha, uh, Keisha Lenore Fairman. And if you didn't hear that show and her story, you can— you— and you should absolutely go and listen to it. She has an amazing victory story overcoming some unbelievable talk about unbelievable challenges and tragedies and just some heartbreaks. But that said, out of our conversation with Keisha, the, the comment came up about finding support and where do you, where can you go to find support. And this particular question posed to me about 9,000 times in the past couple weeks, it appears, is really all around some business. Stuff, and where can you go in order to get advice? And without having someone— specifically, they were talking about a coach putting out their hand, you know, to, to be paid for their support and their questions and their, and their advice. And so I kind of answered this question in two forms. One was, I get the whole thing about, you know, being, being a little bit suspicious about asking a coach or someone professional for advice because you're thinking that, you know, they're going to immediately want to invoice you. And at the same time, the flip side of that is we all are paid for our expertise. We all have a value for what it is that we do. So the first thing I would say and I told, told this particular woman, is I greatly understand and appreciate, um, your belief that someone should be at least willing to help and provide you some, you know, very, um, casual, maybe very off-the-cuff advice or support, uh, complimentary. That said, it really all depends upon kind of where that, where that bandwidth goes. I've had, you know, I've had individuals that just simply will email me or shoot me a question, just like any of you do, whether it be email, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, when I see you out in public. And I am very happy and very honored to be able to respond to you and provide you immediate support that you're obviously looking for. Because if I always say, if you have a question, ask it. Why hang on to, you know, something that's just creating a void or a hole in whatever it is that you're trying to do. So I had mentioned to this woman that I certainly would welcome any of that from anyone, and I do a great amount of time. It then becomes, you know, whether or not that then leads into multiple emails or multiple phone calls or growing expectation. And then I would tell anyone that the person asking and then also the person being asked, I would say you need to have a very tight rein on that because it certainly can get taken advantage of. So for the person asking for advice, just know that anyone— and if anyone doesn't, I'd like to know who they are— but anyone would be open and willing to give you some complimentary advice and support. I'm a member of multiple online resources, and I'm going to mention those in a minute, and I give I give my time to that. I don't ask for anything in exchange for that. However, you know, if it all of a sudden becomes where that person sees that you're responding to them and other people, and then they start kind of reaching out and asking— and yes, if you've been a coach for any amount of time, you've had those particular types of people that then want to start kind of taking advantage of it, I'll just say. And that is when, you know, both of you should have some very fair expectations with each other as to the person asking needs to, you know, kind of be clear as to what it is that they are looking for, and the person responding needs to kind of set the expectation with the, with the other person as much as what, what it is that you will do complementary before services kind of kick in. Because that is what you are paid for as an expert. That is what you kind of are, you know, your business is centered around. So that kind of— I took myself off track on that one, but the question was this: where can I go for help and advice? Where can I get some mentoring without necessarily committing and being obligated into any sort of program or coaching engagement? And just like it was said with Keisha, they were asking about medical health issues. Where can I go for help? Kishi even responded, and I will support her on this, is, you know, there is, with social media, you have a world of support and advice and places that you can go in order to find answers to your questions. Now, you have to be a little bit cautious about, you know, which responses you take in and which ones you follow and heed from. But at the same time, there are great resources out there. Um, Kecia even mentioned that if you don't find a resource of your own, start one. And what I mean by that is if there is kind of a situation that you're encountering that you need advice on and you can't seem to find a support group or a forum or a network that can answer and help you, then create one of your own. Create a Facebook post or a page that centers around that situation that you're dealing with and post a question out there saying, Does anybody else have this issue? 9.5 out of 10 times, you're most likely going to find somebody who's dealing with an issue that you're dealing with. Rarely, if ever, are you on an island by yourself in anything. So start a forum, start a Facebook page, go out onto LinkedIn, either use the groups that are out there or create a group of your own. Uh, there's also, um, there's also places like Mosaic Hub .com, mosaic-hub.com, that offers a kind of a forum for you to pose a question and allow experts to answer your, your question. Um, and that's mosaic-hub.com. There's mentorivy.com, there's ivyexec.com, there's things on reddit.com that you can go to, uh, when you're in, in search for some questions or advice or support around something. So depending upon what it is that you're looking for, meaning is it, is it a career versus business ownership? Is it a career type of thing? Is it a business ownership question? Is it a question about fitness or health or nutrition or banking or relationships or sex or, you know, whatever it is? There is a forum out there somewhere, and it's just a matter of Googling and researching and, and kind of narrowing down where you think you'll get the best support or the best help. And then if, should you not, then start it on your own. And maybe all of a sudden you become that expert in that, that area of challenge, because again, you're not going to be the only one who probably has that question. All right, so a lot of places to go for help. Uh, you could even go to You can go on to, um, uh, coaches, you know, coaches' websites, and a lot of them have Q&A sessions. You can find experts that you respect and revere on Facebook or Twitter or even directly on their website, and a lot of times they have a day just like we do here on Chittenden the Bitch Radio where they devote an opportunity for you to pose your question. Now that said, The other comment that even Keisha and I talked about, and again, go, go and listen and watch. We also taped that episode of Shading the Bitch Radio, and it's up on our Shading the Bitch YouTube channel. It's been shared on Facebook and Twitter. But Keisha's whole story is really around medical and health. However, the other, the comment also came up, and it just went right out of my head as to what I was going to share with you. Oh, the comment came up around asking, and we also had a conversation about having to swallow your pride and having to always come off as if you should know the answer to whatever question it is that you're posing. And all I have to tell you is this: you will not succeed in life or business if you are too proud to ask for help, let alone ask a question of which you'll get a response to. So, before you even consider places to find help, be sure that you are willing to then, whether it is making yourself visible to the question you are asking or you do it anonymously, either way you have to find and be willing to actually ask the question if you want to actually get a response to it. And I bring that up only because I often wonder why many of you are quiet when it comes to Ask Bernadette and when it comes to posing your question. Online. And so I'll ask a lot of people, and right now I'm doing some research, uh, in support of what it is that we're going to be doing as we move forward. So Brandt— the example that I had mentioned in another Rich Tip question with Brandt Handley— I'm reaching out to experts and posing specific questions to them. And one of the questions I posed to them, and the feedback is very interesting, one of the questions I posed to them is, do you find and we're talking women here, do you find women hesitate to really kind of expose themselves when it comes to asking a question that they have, whether it be about their career or business? We really didn't talk life. I think girls, you know, are really good about coming into a social circle and talking anything about, you know, their life. But when it comes to kind of revealing whether or not they are as astute and on top of things that they should be when it comes to business, I tend to find you are clamming up, ladies, that you're not necessarily putting yourself out there to get the question— the answers to your question. And so I've— so far I've just did this over the last like 10 days, and so far I'm getting a common response being that they find that many women will ask questions. It's very sanitized though, it's very generic, it's very basic. When it comes to specifically what it might be that they're struggling with or they're dealing with, or they're— they don't want to reveal that they're not sure how to work the politics of an office, or they're not sure how to navigate the hallways and socialize the way that they feel that they should be, then they start kind of clamming up because they don't want other people to recognize that they're having those challenges. Well, the only thing I can say that is, you know, you have to give up on that. Now, this is coming from a woman, ex-corporate tyrant, ex-corporate I wanted you to like me and I wanted to make the best impression that I could, you know, in every situation. And yet since I've been out of corporate, and I don't think it has anything to do with now me being on my own and me being a business owner and a CEO of my own company in life now, but I don't care anymore. And maybe it's maturity, maybe it's confidence, maybe it's, you know, just getting to a stage in life where if I don't ask a question, as humiliating, as embarrassing, as naive, as elementary as it is, then I'm only hurting myself. I'm not hurting anybody else. And so I just, I've learned to ask. And all I will ask of you is to learn to ask. Learn to recognize, put it in the vein of somebody else if you have to. I have somebody who blah, blah, blah, whatever the case might be, but don't go without asking because that's only hurting you. That's not hurting anybody else. Okay, I went on a tangent once again, but there you have it. Uh, the question was around places to find help. Um, in order to find the place to find help, you have to be willing to ask for help, and that's the, that was the point of that. Uh, so I hope that answered your question. Uh, let's see, I'm going to take a short break, um, only because my throat is beginning to, um, swell on me. And when we get back, I'm going to finish up with one question we get asked a lot. And I, I tell you, if you could— this is one question I would love like every— not even just expert, just anybody to provide advice and tips on too. And maybe I'll put it on our Facebook page because I get it too often. How do you get out of your own way? Put it into 9 million different scenarios and that comes down to the bottom question that I'm asked way too often. So what do you need from me or from someone in order to understand how to get out of your own way? We'll be right back to answer that question and more when we get back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, control, confront and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette's book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, TSR Consulting, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate size clients. Go to TSRConsulting.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium-sized businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker78@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at media relations at Sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back everyone, it is Ask Bernadette Day here on Shading the Bitch Radio. I am taking your questions, stories, and challenges and providing you some tips and advice and sometimes some tough love, but overall just some you need in order to move you forward even in the slightest ways. And that brings us to probably the second most popular question that we always get, because the first one is always around something about goals and something about how do you achieve them. But this question is asked far too often. And what I mean by that is it pains me to know that people are struggling to get out of their own way in order for them to really kind of even just move forward, let alone to really effectively execute and achieve their goals. Even just to move forward. And so the question often comes across as, how do I get out of my own way? How do I kind of stay motivated? How do I stay positive? How do I stay productive? How do I stay effective in what it is that I am trying to do? Even if it is, quite honestly, even if it is just surviving. And what I mean by that is if the, if the statistics are right and there is only about 16% of mature individuals achieving their goals, and there's really only 40-plus percent of people defining goals, then I, I have to assume the rest of them are just kind of surviving. They're just going about life because they're not even defining what it is that they're kind of going about life trying to do, and therefore they're just surviving. But even they're kind of struggling with how do they get out of their own way. Maybe they want to get beyond just struggle— or I'm sorry, get beyond just surviving, and they do want to kind of once and for all you know, set goals, whatever the case might be. Well, let me, let me see if I can use myself as an example to kind of glean some light on what it is that you might be dealing with. Uh, you know what you're dealing with, but what it is also that you can kind of, um, work within yourself, because this is all about you. This isn't about anyone else. It's not about anything else. It's not about money, resources, support, education, skills that you have. This is all in your head. This is all about you convincing yourself, talking to yourself, affirming to yourself that whatever it is that you're wanting to do, whether it's clearly defined, whether it's formally defined, or whether it's just simply an idea that you have that you wanna, you wanna take action on it's all about whether or not you're motivating, you're, you're, um, energizing, you're focusing, you're clarifying for yourself what it is that you want to be doing, and that you're kind of positioning yourself mentally, physically, spiritually, financially, everything, in order to then start taking action on it. So very simply, this is a very simplified example, is even this morning. So I had mentioned that I went out and I watched the Super Bowl on Sunday. I came home and spent about 5 hours from like 10 to 3 in the morning wandering around outside in the cold and rain looking for a lost dog that had been missing for a couple days and actually is still missing. And yet I don't know this dog, I don't know the woman who owns the dog, but I just can't not help. And so I spent several hours that night out searching for this dog, and I brought my dog along with me just in case he could help. And the next morning, um, he still, you know, is missing. He was still missing, and I couldn't pick my head up off that— off my bed, off the pillow. Um, I was feeling deep-seated chill, if you'd ever experienced that. I was, I was feeling kind of pains and joint, you know, just joints from probably walking. I had also been out Saturday, most of Saturday, searching as well. And yet, I had so much to do yesterday. I had some really big objectives and some really big tasks I needed to get accomplished. And yet, I laid there in bed that morning. Struggling with how do I motivate myself and convince myself to kind of get up and do something. And now this is going to seem backwards, so bear with me, okay? So I finally came to where I did try to get up and I felt that it was going to be more jeopardy for me to get up and force myself to do anything. I wasn't gonna— my head wasn't gonna be in the game, my body wasn't gonna be in the game, there was nothing gonna be showing up. And so I decided to be okay and accept that I would have to reconfigure my week and reconfigure what I needed to do yesterday and today. And I had meetings, I had phone calls scheduled, and I just simply had to, as proactively as possible, make all those changes not to, um, kind of hinder someone else's schedule and all that kind of good stuff. But quite honestly, not that I didn't care, but I just couldn't really think about that I knew someone would understand. I knew they all would understand. So, I just needed to make those changes and be okay with, you know, kind of going back, back to bed. So, I did. And quite honestly, I did not even wake up until this morning. And I think it was like 7 or 8 o'clock in the morning. And I thought, oh my God, I cannot go a second day, second workday. I work for myself. If I do not work, I do not eat. And if I do not eat, well, I could use you know, to lose some weight, but that's not the way I wanted to do it. So anyway, um, and then I knew I also had you at noon. I succumbed to it. I said, okay, you know what, I have till about 11 o'clock, and between now at like 7 or 8 and 11 o'clock, I'm going to get myself motivated and I'm going to mentally shift in order to get up and do this show and do this program that I love doing. And rallying to be the best me I could be for that, you know, for this hour that we're together. And then I can worry about, like, you know, falling back into bed afterwards. But it's a mind game, is my point. I mentally had to kind of go from my toes to my head, shifting how I felt, shifting how, um, I kind of put myself out into the world, shifting how I really thought about act that I, you know, continue to feel like crap. I just had to make those shifts mentally in order for me to be able to then physically and mentally kind of move forward. So how you get out of your own way is just kind of work on yourself internally. Tell your— ask yourself what is keeping you stuck and find the, the solution to getting yourself unstuck, even if it's faking it until you make it. Fake it until you make it will even help you kind of push through what it is that you might be feeling, uh, in any respect, in order for you then to kind of take even the smallest of actions. And what I mean by that is this 1-hour show— I am hitting the bed at 1:05, um, but it was important for me to do this. And so those are the type of mind games you have to play. And so I would just have you think about that and to kind of use your mental state and mental being in order to move yourself forward and get out of your own way. I hope that was a helpful suggestion for you, and I'll look forward to having you right back here next Tuesday at noon Eastern time for another episode of Shedding the Bitch Radio. Thanks everybody.

Thank you for listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. Join Bernadette every Tuesday at noon Eastern as she helps you shift your bitches to riches. And the dialogue is always going on at sheddingthebitch.com. See you next week.

Mike and I are both veterans, both served in the Navy.

We bought our first home together in 2010.

His family had used another insurance product, but I was like, well, I've had USAA for a while, why don't we call and check the rate?

It was an instant savings, and I should have changed a long time ago.