Ask Me Anything on this week's Ask Bernadette

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Hello and welcome to Shedding the Bitch Radio, where you can discuss, debate, and get advice on how to discover and shed the bitches of fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negative mindsets so you can realize your dreams and life purpose and create and accelerate the riches you want in life. Join us here live every Tuesday at noon Eastern and dialogue with us at 818-572-2910. You can also chat with us at BlogTalkRadio.com/SheddingtheBitch or share Share your stories on our website at sheddingthebitch.com. Whatever the bitch is that's holding you back from living your life to the fullest, it's not worth giving up the riches in life that you deserve. So call in now and let Bernadette Boas know what's holding you back. 818-572-2910. Good day, good day, good day everyone. How are you? It is an absolutely beautiful day here in Atlanta, Georgia. I hope it is wherever you are. Finally, I think, I think that it's finally spring. We had an 80-plus day yesterday and now we're back down into the young 70s, which is exactly where we need to be and should be and we want to stay here hoping that the pollen and whatnot will kind of stay back and I don't, my allergies don't kick up and all that kind of good stuff. So I hope it is a beautiful day or evening wherever you are. It is Easter week, post-week. Everyone had a beautiful, beautiful Easter week. And I, for all those celebrating Passover, I know you're right about in the middle of it, so continued prayers and blessings for a beautiful Passover season. But I do have to say, because if you've listened to the program for a decent amount of time, you'll know I'm from Philly. So when it came to the Super Bowl with the Eagles, it was fabulous. And then this past weekend with Villanova and then even Notre Dame. And the reason why that's significant is not only because I'm Catholic and my father was a major, major follower of Notre Dame sports, but my nephew James is out at Notre Dame. So between the two of them, the Notre Dame, it was the women, and then the Villanova was the men's championship. Winning those championships. It was a beautiful Easter. It was a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful Easter. And it just kind of made me think about, um, kind of how proud I am, uh, in regards to being, uh, not only a Christian but a Catholic specifically. And I had a beautiful, beautiful church service on Sunday, and, uh, I really have just really come in to kind of owning my Catholicism, I'll call it that. I mean, I've always been a churchgoer. I've always been, you know, I claim to be Catholic. Wasn't necessarily always tightly tied to it, meaning just really didn't understand my place in it. And I've done a lot of soul searching over the past couple of years in regards to that because I felt like out of sync, so to speak. So that's been coming together. So it was just a beautiful, beautiful weekend to celebrate both Easter, the holiday itself, and then to see these Catholic schools dominate the sports arena. It was just a lot of fun. And at the same time, I'm not sure who saw— it doesn't matter if you're a Christian or not— who watched Jesus Christ Superstar on Sunday night. I have to say, I watch all the musicals. I'm a musical fan. And I've watched all the ones that NBC and Fox and others have put on, and Jesus Christ Superstar Sunday night was stunning. It was— not to say it didn't have its own little glitches, but you know what, you don't look for, for the negatives. It was a beautiful, beautiful interpretation of, of the story, and it doesn't even matter if you're a strict, uh, Christian, and they skewed not skewed the story per se, but they skewed just the interpretation and the reflection of it. And that was OK. At least for me, it was OK. And then the ending, if you just want to see an absolutely stunning ending of a story and a way of presenting that in a glorious way, I have to say, take a look for— I'm sure it's going to rerun. Take a look for it, because it was a— A beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, well-done production, and the ending was just magnificent. Anyway, so lovely, lovely weekend, and now we're into spring, and my voice will get growlier and a little rougher and scratchier over the coming weeks as spring kicks in, but that's okay. So I also wanna just mention, Last week we had a phenomenal conversation with Terri Wildeman of Intuitive Leadership. We talked about bringing heart into business, and there seems to be a common theme here, don't you think, being Easter week? But bringing heart into your business, and it was a lively conversation. Terri's been a returning guest just because she's always upping her message, upping her insights and her tips that she provides you. And this one about bringing heart into business was, I found it to be very timely. There's a lot of junk going on in the world, and to really just own, again, it comes back to owning who you are and owning your beliefs, your values, and your heart, and wearing your heart on your sleeve. Maybe that's what we should have called that episode, Wearing Your Heart on Your Sleeve, and bringing it into not only your personal life, your social life, but even in the workplace. And it would be a good thing if we actually had a lot more heart in business as opposed to greed and some of the other ugliness of business sometimes. And lastly, I'm even more excited that now that Easter is behind us and spring's just kicking in, it is Masters Week. And if any of you know me really well, you'll know I love golf. I love pretty much playing it or watching it, and over the last like 8 or 10 years writing and working on the weekends, it's a great backdrop. It's a, it's a nice quiet, but yet it can get very exciting kind of back noise, whether it's music. I happen to watch golf on a regular basis, so it's Masters Week, and what is also really interesting and exciting about this particular week with Masters, whether or not you watch it or not, whether or not you like golf or not, what's fascinating about this particular Masters tournament over the years that they have been going on is this is really bringing together kind of both the legacy generation and the new generation. And what I mean by that is Tiger Woods is back and he's playing beautifully. And Phil Mickelson, who's 47, 48, He just won his first tournament in about 5 years a few weeks ago. And Henrik Stenson, sorry, Henrik Stenson is also a kind of a 40-pluser, but they are going up against and winning and really kind of just powerhouse-ing against the young guys, the Jordan Spieths, the Rorys, the Bubba Watsons and all. And it's just so much fun watching the multi-generations. Battling it out together and actually supporting and really uplifting each other. And that goes back to a lot of what, over the last several weeks, you know, if you're thinking of the Passover or Easter season, just really appreciating the young and the old, the naive and the wise, and the amateurs and the pros. And it just is all coming together in this one in this one event this coming week, and it's just going to be really, really powerful. And what it really brings up for me as well is something we're gonna talk about in our Ask Me Anything. I got questions about, you know, various questions about overcoming feeling like a fraud. I got questions about, you know, being later in life and making a career change. I got questions about, let me see, oh, what to do when you're not getting the career support you need. But what this is telling me as well is just that regardless of where you are in life, what station, what season, what age you are, you should never ever give up on what it is that you wanna do and/or what you've been thinking about doing and feel that maybe you're too old, you're beyond, you don't have enough experience, whatever the case might be. I was actually asked and I was going to put it in as one of the questions, but I wanted to be focused on your question. I was actually recently asked when I'll give up on the idea of selling my screenplay and focus on my, as they call it, real work, my coaching and consulting. And I was really taken aback by that. I was really taken aback by that, but at the same time, I just simply grounded myself and just said, I'm never going to give up on what I believe is my dream and my passion and something very doable. Is it going to happen in a day, in a week, in a year, and even in a decade? Maybe not. But that's what the Masters is also proving. I mean, if you look at and really dissect those people within the spread of the Masters, the Tigers, the Phils, the Henriks, I mean, everyone counted Tiger out, you know, not only for his personal situations, but also because of his physical ailments. And then, you know, Phil and Henrik, everybody, you know, you get over the age of 30 in sports or in entertainment or whatever, and everybody's, you know, considering you're out, out in the pasture. And, and they're all proving to the younger generation, even the kids that are showing up at these tournaments, that it doesn't matter how old you are or how young, you can still, still achieve whatever it is that you want to achieve. And I'm really really thrilled with the questions that we have for this week of Ask Me Anything because it really hits on varying, what we call bitches here, insecurities, doubts, fears, negativities that are really getting the better of you no matter what age or what experience or what level of business or life that you're at. And, you know, I'm here to help you realize that You never have to give up on whatever it is that you want to be doing. And we're gonna, you know, go and talk through a number of those things throughout the program. So let me see. So yes, so that leads us— I'm just trying to make sure I touched on everything. So that leads us to our Ask Me Anything discussion. If you're out there and you are live and you have a question, story, or challenge you want to share with us, feel free to call into the studio at 1-818-572-2910. You can also post it on Facebook or Twitter, not only today while we're live and Deborah's out there and she might come across it and send it in to me. You can also go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio, scroll down to this particular episode and even scroll down through there and you'll see a chat room and I'm on chat watching to see if any of you have your questions going into the chat room. At the same time, you can post them all month long, all year long, and as you do, I will be addressing them right then and there, but also might bring them here onto the program and even suggest that you join in so we can drill into your, your question even in more depth right here on our Shedding the Bitch radio program. We do this the first Tuesday of every month, so keep that in mind. You can also reach out to me on LinkedIn where I get a majority of my questions. You can send me a note directly to BernadetteBoas@sheddingthebitch.com, or in the case of one or two of these, I was out mingling, networking a lot this past couple weeks actually, and I'll get a lot of questions as well when I'm out either speaking or just even just networking. All right, so just keep all of that in mind. So let's see, I talked to you about what we're going to be talking about: getting out of your own way, overcoming feeling like a fraud, what to do when you want to make a change but you feel you're kind of over the hill, so to speak, uh, what to do when you're not getting the support that you need for your career. And also, if we have time, we're going to talk about protecting your content, protecting your your writing, your brand, whatever the case might be, and what you can and can't expect by that protection, so to speak. All right, again, you can call 1-818-572-2910 if you, um, want to join in on the conversation. So we're going to take a break. I'm going to take a glass of water, and when we get back, we're going to jump into what a seasoned corporate professional turned entrepreneur just asked me about, and that's all about kind of getting out of her own way. Alright, we'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette's book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch. Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors: TSR Consulting, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate-sized clients. Go to TSRConsulting.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium-sized businesses. Email deborahparker@deborahparker78@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back everyone to Ask Me Anything, or Ask Bernadette. I basically give you tips and advice on whatever business, career, or personal issue you might be dealing with. And we do this the first Tuesday of every month., and you can go out to Facebook and Twitter and post it there, or even during the program live, you can call 1-818-572-2910. All right, so out and about, I ran into, um, actually someone was suggested to come over to me and, and talk to me at an event that I was at a couple weeks ago, and she is a seasoned corporate professional, so I thought actually I was looking in the mirror when she started talking about this. She was telling me that she's been a longtime corporate professional. She came, came out as an entrepreneur about 6 or 7 months ago and started her own business, and it was just a natural extension to her corporate career. But then I saw her kind of getting emotional, and she's— and apart from saying it's been one of the most exciting but fearful things that she's ever done. And for many of you, because we have a lot of entrepreneurs out there, uh, we can all relate, right? It doesn't matter how, uh, you know, how seasoned, how long-term corporate you've been, how, um, you know, expert you are, uh, it's a big transition to go from a corporate professional to an entrepreneur. So I saw— start— started seeing her getting emotional And she was just like, I am just struggling with how to get out of my own way. Why is it so hard for me to secure the clients that I want and who I know need my services? And it was so easy for me when I was in corporate to kind of go after my goals. She wasn't necessarily a salesperson in corporate. But go after my goals, achieve my projects, so forth and so on, and yet right now I just feel like I'm completely stuck and just don't know how to get out of my own way. And I, you know, you get that nervous laugh, and so I got that nervous chuckle because it was hard not to because I could so relate, as I'm sure many of you are probably rolling your eyes going, oh my gosh, yes, I can so, so, so relate to this. But I knew that, you know, she was just looking for one. I think she was also looking to relate. She wanted to be able to have someone that related to her because then that would kind of be more familiar with what she's going through. But at the same time, you know, I could see written all over her how she's probably working very hard at transitioning from kind of really having the doors open for you in the corporate world. And what I really mean by that is even if you're not a salesperson in corporate, maybe, but maybe you do some client engagement work or you do something that ties you to kind of the source of the revenue, a source of the income that a business is generating. It's much different to do it for someone else, to do it for that company that in this case that she worked worked for before, and now she's having to do it for herself. She's having, you know, basically to kill in order for her to eat, and that drums up— and I wonder if many of you can relate— that drums up a lot of our inner bitches, or it'll drum up a lot of our inner riches. And what I mean by that is your inner riches could be that you do have the expertise, you're confident about what it is that you can do for for someone else. It could be that you, you know, you know your value proposition and you have your elevator speech, you know, locked down and all those things that, you know, entrepreneurs are told they need in order to kind of position themselves and present themselves to their prospective clients. But it also can drum up a lot of bitches. No matter how seasoned an expert you are, it can And not only at the beginning of, of one's entrepreneurship, um, like herself, but even someone like myself who's, you know, 8, 9, 10 years in. There's periods of times when you start questioning your worth and your value and whether you have something that someone else will want and actually pay for. And then they begin to even doubt their own decisions about whether or not they're targeting the right people, and/or they live in fear of pure rejection, getting those nos, and maybe they're not accustomed to experiencing that in the corporate workplace, but even if they were, even if they were, again, she's not taking it personally because it may not be about her or him, it could be about the company and what the company's offering or pricing or whatever the situation might be. So we're gonna look at, and I'm gonna provide, as what I did with her, I'm gonna provide you the tips and the advice that I'd given to her around kind of 3 general bitches. Those would be value or worth, which gets in a lot of people's ways. It is that doubt or uncertainty, actually insecurity, about you making the right decisions. And then living in that fear of no or rejection. All right, so let's break them down just so you really kind of understand how these are impacting your or her ability to, to move forward and get out of her own way. So when they start, or when you start questioning your value, your self-worth, it's whether or not you're, you're questioning if you're charging too much or charging too little, whether that's you can do a great job for someone, or that you have the tools, the processes, the collateral, the content that people would expect. You know, many entrepreneurs run out and they get all this glossy, you know, content materials and websites and all that kind of good stuff when, you know, your customer really could care less if you bring a piece of paper and a pen with scratches on it, as long as you are able to address the problem. That they have. So they start questioning everything about their value, about their worth, about whether or not they're good enough, about whether or not they're worthy enough to knock on the door on their own, especially if, like she, she's a solopreneur for now, and all of a sudden she's like, well, I still want to target that corporate client, but who am I to kind of knock on the door to Coca-Cola or to Xerox or to whomever? You know, whereas before she had the power of her company behind her. So she was able to use the company as opposed to her own name or company of one. So that drums up a lot of, of insecurity and diminishes, diminishes confidence, diminishes, you know, your light. Your brightness, your worth, your riches as we call them. And it minimizes— actually, you're minimizing your own experience, expertise, contributions, and accomplishments. So what is the easiest way to really overcome that? And we're just merely right now talking about worth or value. It is to draw out and remind yourself of why you're valuable, why you're worthy, why you achieved what you achieved in corporate, and you can do the same in your entrepreneurial world. So again, I always talk about pen and paper. We're getting it out of your head onto a piece of paper. This kind of really moved her, is all I can say. Maybe shifted is better, is a better thing, because she really, as much as she did yearly goals, yearly personal development plans, yearly plans for her team, and operational, operational plans. She really never thought about kind of what we're going to talk about as far as putting pen to paper. And so this is what I had her do. And she's had multiple 360 assessments done in her career, probably even DiSC and Myers-Briggs and a number of other things. But again, you know, she's now on her own and she's thinking about what she needs to do for herself and her business to get over this value and worth situation. So I simply said, make a list of your accomplishments, put out your awards, not resume style. I'm just saying for yourself, really sit down and think about since the day you started your career. I don't care if you were 10 working in your, you know, father's you know, candy store. Just make a list of your academic, even your business, even your personal accomplishments, awards, things that you've learned, the skills that you have. You can kind of throw those into making a list of the riches you possess. What are those traits and qualities and skills and talents and characteristics that you yourself are really proud of and know contribute to your value, to your worth, to your expertise and experience. Think about all of it and think about what value putting all those things together brings to other people. And again, you could put— right now we're not talking about monetary value, just what value. What do you help people with? What do you change in people? What What value do you bring to their life and to their children, to their families, to their communities, to their own businesses or the businesses of others? And look at it in a qualitative way initially as you look at your riches and as you go through your accomplishments and awards. But then what you ultimately want to get to is a quantitative value.

How—

and the number one question I tell my clients to ask themselves and then actually verbally ask the client is, as you're, you know, trying to understand what their business problems are, and then you're going to discuss, you know, how you can solve those problems. You all ultimately want to ask them, because this will actually help you— we're not talking sales here, but help you close the deal, so to speak— but you ultimately want to ask them, how much is it worth to you to have this problem solved? How much would you pay to all of a sudden find the solution or find the, the, um, the technology or the expert of whomever to solve your problem? How much quantitatively is it worth to you? Again, you could talk qualitative, but then you want to get to the quantitative. And so you want to ask yourself that. How much do you know that it would be worth to your clients in order for you to solve their problem. And then use that as your guide in determining kind of if you need to put your worth to a quantitative number. If you're doubting your rates and are feeling insecure about asking for a certain price and you feel like you have to lower, um, ask yourself those questions. Okay. Uh, and then the one thing that I always tell corporate people is I will always tell them, not only, um, and this will only apply to those that get billed out at work as like as a consultant or a technician or whatever the case might be, but say you're even making $50 an hour at your corporate job, but then maybe you're in a billable position to where they're billing you out at $200. Well, I even tell my clients to even consider that But that, without getting into a whole sales conversation because that's not what that was about, but what all of those questions you're asking yourself is about is making you realize your worth and your value and what it is that you're able to do for your clients. So then you have to get into the whole bitch of doubting the decisions that you're making because that first thing will lead, um, questioning your worth and questioning your value will bring people to also question the decisions that you're making. Are you pricing properly? Are you offering the right services or products that people need? Are you targeting the right client base? So all of a sudden, and this particular woman was, was questioning the same thing from herself, is that she's been doing it for 6 months or so and she's just not getting the response that she would have expected. And I just had her think about, well, are you— are you targeting the right people? Um, do you know that the, the companies that you're targeting, maybe it's not corporate, maybe it's middle market, maybe it's small, maybe it's an industry versus, you know, being a generalist? Uh, so you do want to do a target market assessment, so to speak, um, in order to overcome your fear and your insecurity about your worth and your value and questioning whether or not Um, um, you know, you are getting in your own way. And people use those crutches, you know, questioning the target market, questioning the price, questioning the service or product that they're offering, simply because what they really might be fearful of is getting those rejections, getting those nos. The biggest adjustment corporate people have to being an entrepreneur is that now they have to sell themselves. Now they have to do all the work to get the meal ticket, so to speak. And so overcoming that fear of no, which is typically if you drill into it, and as a coach, even a consultant, I would do this. I would ultimately get down to the fact that, and I deal with this myself at times, I get down to the fact that I don't want to have to deal with all the nos before I get to my yes. I'm too desperate to get, you know, to deal with my nos. I need a yes. Can you relate to that? Or, you know, I've been getting nos, nos, nos. When am I ever going to get that yes? And we all know, especially if you've done any amount of sales, and if you're an entrepreneur, you're a salesperson. You know, you can forget about a CEO title or an entrepreneur title. You are a salesperson. And what one thing that you have to understand as a result of that is it is a numbers game. You have to work the system and work the list that you've generated, and you need to be okay with getting as many nos as you're going to get because ultimately you're going to get a yes. Because what's going to happen is this: you're going to get no, no, no, no, no, no, no, and you're going to— you should start asking yourself, okay, maybe my message is not right, maybe I need to do some tweaks there, maybe I need to change up my target market, whatever. And then you keep going and eventually you're going to get a yes. Yes, but you want to work through all those nos and until you get that yes. Now what I'll challenge clients to do, and because only because this was challenged to me several years ago and it really changed my whole thought process about value and worth and getting in my own way when it comes to prospecting and sales generation, and that is this, you know, target 100. 100 leads, you know, that you're gonna work until you get a yes or no. And then plan that regardless of how many yeses you get within that. So, you know, you get a no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you get a yes. Majority of entrepreneurs stop at that yes until they need another yes, not because they want to add to that yes, but more so until they need that other yes. And so What my— what this— he was a sales coach. I didn't hire him professionally, he just happened to mention this in an event that I was at. But he said, you know, work the nos. Be excited about getting a no, because the more nos you get out of the way, you can get to your yes. But don't give up on your getting your nos until you've hit that 100 leads. Does that make sense? So you want to just kind of push yourself and get as many nos as you can get with of course you want the yeses, but the nos will give you the idea— going back to her doubt and her indecisions— the nos will give you an idea as to whether or not your target client's right, your pricing's right, your service or products are right. So don't be fearful of the nos, actually look forward to them because it always will give you more and more information to then be able to work through your yeses. And then of course don't give up on Just because maybe 3 yeses get you to your revenue objection, don't give up when most people do. Continue working that 100 because all of a sudden your revenue objective of $1,000 could become $5,000. Make sense? So that will also help you overcome the fear of no. But if you are going to be an entrepreneur, that's the number one thing you have to get over is those nos. And Right now I'm not preaching to the choir because I know many of you deal with it, not wanting those rejections. And at the same time, like I said, there'll be periods of time when I start doubting myself and start, you know, questioning where I'm at. And all of a sudden that, you know, that fear of rejection will creep in, and then I have to get out of my own way. So I just kind of was very straight with her while at the same time making sure she understood that I completely related to what she was dealing with, um, because it is a big adjustment to go from being a corporate professional to an entrepreneur. But I find those 3 things— questioning your value and self-worth, doubting your decisions that you're making, and then being afraid of no— are the 3 things that really cause people to get in their own way. And the way ultimately I told her to look at it is, you know what, so what? So what if you're making bad decisions? So what if you're questioning yourself? So what if you're getting nos? Fail fast, push through those situations, and make adjustments where needed, and you'll grow and get beyond your goals and expectations if you just stay persistent in that, um, in that path, whether it is a no or an insecurity or a doubt or even a mistake. Just work through it. Tomorrow's another day, and it'll just add to your teachings and to your growth, and you'll get where you eventually want to— you'll get where you want to go eventually by just purely being persistent with all of that junk, or what we call bitches, getting in your way. All right. I took a lot of time to discuss that, didn't I? But that's okay. We're going to take a brief break. When I get back, the next question kind of ties into this. Actually, the next two do tie into this, and you'll see this common thread that runs across them, and that'll help us all get grounded in what we could be doing to address these issues of getting in our own way. More effectively and more quickly at the same time. We'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette's books, Shedding The Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, TSR Consulting, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate size clients. Go to TSRConsulting.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium for medium-sized businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker78@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back everyone. We are talking your business— actually, we're not talking anything right now because I can't speak. We are discussing your career, business, and life questions, stories, and challenges, providing you advice and tips and sometimes tough love in order for you to kind of overcome and accelerate and create the riches in life that you deserve. So before we went to break, we were talking about a seasoned professional, corporate professional turned entrepreneur, who was really trying to figure out how to get out of her own way. And, and she was questioning her self-worth, her decision-making, and her fear of no. That's basically a summary of that. If you missed that conversation, you're just joining the program, go back and you can hear all about the tips and advice that were given on those points. But it comes to this next question, and actually it wasn't even the same individual, but it was another well-established, still corporate, well-established executive in corporate And this is a symptom many, many women deal with, only very few men, but a lot of women, especially as they go up the ranks, where it— where the question was, how do I overcome feeling like a fraud because of my success? Even though I'm successful, sometimes I wake up or I'm sitting in a meeting or I'm walking through the hallways and I'm just all of a sudden, you know, kind of riddled with with this doubt and, you know, feeling like a fraud, like I don't belong here, someone's gonna call me out for being, you know, an imposter, I'm not as smart as people think I am. Can anybody relate to this inner self-talk that you might have with yourself? Again, it happens when, especially when, it's amazing to say, but when things are going really well, and you are having successes and you are having attention brought around you, uh, for whatever reason our little mind wants to play games on us and all of a sudden we'll be like, okay, so when is someone going to figure out that I'm not really as smart as I am, or that I really don't know what I'm doing, so forth and so on. We all go through it. It's a matter of, just like anything else we talk about, it's a matter of how long we stay there. And allow that to kind of wreak havoc on our confidence, on our value and worth. See how everything ties in together? Because that's what that is all about. You know, feeling like a fraud, feeling like you don't deserve, feeling like you're in the wrong place kind of goes back to questioning your own value and your own worth. So I don't need to spend a lot of time here on this particular question because I would just suggest if you already heard the feedback and the tips and advice provided for the, the previous question about trying to get out of your own way, uh, it's going to be pretty much the same. I do have one or two other little things I'll, I'll notate, but I won't go through that whole list because it's very much the same. You just have to kind of find that worth, find that value that obviously you have and you know you have because you wouldn't be in that position. Not to say that there aren't people promoted and put in positions that don't deserve it and that haven't earned it, but at the same time, majority of the women having this doubt, it comes down to not the fact that they lack expertise or experience or credibility, uh, or value or worth. It really just comes down to what is going on, uh, between their ears. So I won't repeat all of them. What I will do though is, as you have gone through and you made your list of your accomplishments, awards, achievements, you've, you've looked at the, the results and the contributions you've made not only to your team or your clients, but also to the company. So now you're really seeing kind of why you're where you are in a much better picture. You're also looking at that list of riches that I had you look at previously. So you're, you're looking at your list of the riches that you possess, that you bring to the table, that also earned you the position that you're sitting in. Now I want you to take that information just like you would have previously. I want you to take that information and I want you to ask yourself, all right, so am I a fraud? Remember, fear is false evidence appearing real, and that analogy goes— or that acronym goes perfectly to this situation— is false evidence appearing real. So you're feeling like a fraud is really just your fear which is false evidence, because now you have the evidence. You have your list of accomplishments, you have your contributions and results, you have the list of the riches you possess. So the question you have to ask yourself is, all right, do I truly deserve being in this position? Have I earned it? Do I have the background and the, the achievements and the expertise? But say you say no to that question. I never ever want you to say no because you know what? So what? So if you do that assessment and you all of a sudden link it to— maybe you've looked at other job descriptions for that role in other companies and you're like, oh my gosh, I don't possess any of those, you know, skills or traits or experiences. So what? So what? Maybe you weren't ready for that job or you didn't have the experience. For the ladies out there, this is where you really get hung up. It's not about you being a fraud. It's about the fact that you're now doubting that you asked for a promotion, you asked for a position, you asked for a challenge, you asked for a new assignment when you weren't 100% ready for it. And sadly, women will hold off on asking for something, for asking for a new position or a project or a challenge until they're close to 80 to 100%. Percent comfortable with the fact that they're ready and able to do that job, whereas men will only wait for about 40% and really will look at it going, okay, I'm about 40% of this job description, but I'm going to ask for it anyway. And that's what you ladies need to be— to do as well. So my bottom line response to how do you overcome feeling like a fraud? Who cares if you are? Who cares if you weren't ready? Who cares if you still have learning to do? Because if you don't have learning and growth to do in the current job that you're in, then you shouldn't be in that job. You should be somewhere else. You should be in a bigger job. You should be doing different things and bigger things if you were 100% ready and capable of doing the job that you're in. And that's the mindset that I would love you to walk away with is, you know what, I always want to feel like I'm, I'm always reaching for the next thing. I'm always striving to go to the next you know, rung of the ladder, so to speak, even if you're not worried about advancement. You know, I want to go to that bigger challenge because if you're, if you're 100% doing what you need to be doing for the current thing that you're doing, you shouldn't be in that thing anymore. It's not challenging you. It's not, it's not kind of leveraging everything that you have. It's not creating that, you know, that excitement, that energy around learning new things. So who cares? Who cares? You just own it, and then you work. You identify where you need to learn, where you need to grow, where you need to, you know, gain in skill, and you just go after doing that. Because if you're 100% ready, you need to be moving on. You need to be moving on. Okay. All right. I hope that was helpful. All right, we're going to get these last couple questions in, I promise. Alright, so we're not even going to take a break. I want to keep going. The next one was actually an up-and-coming high— what people might call high potential, late 20s— and he was actually coming to me because he was concerned that he wasn't getting the support that he needed in his workplace in order to advance. And he, you know, he has his own goals and his own idea of where he you know, wants to be, and not needs to be, but wants to be is really the bottom line. So at first, I kind of do my own assessment in asking him a lot of questions to kind of validate whether or not what his goals and dreams are are realistic. Remember, if you go to the SMART method of setting goals, the R is relevant. Some people call it realistic, some people call it relevant. And so I always look for that when it comes to, you know, talking with someone else about their goals and their aspirations, is whether or not that R is appropriate. So once I deemed that it was and that he wasn't kind of blowing smoke or he wasn't in that 40% that was, you know, was only 40% ready but he was going to ask for that big job, After we kind of assessed all that, I simply then just got frank with him. And I basically said, you know, it's not— you can't look at it as their job to have a plan for your career. As much as we want to believe that our bosses care and our HR departments care and the big guy or girl cares, about our aspirations and our goals, they don't. They just don't. And really not because they're heartless people, but more so they have so much, you know, so many other things going on in their world that, you know, it is really blind of us and any individual, in this case him, to think that they're sitting around thinking, okay, I wonder what Joe wants to do next, and I wonder what, you know, you would hope that they're having those kind of conversations about you, but you have to assume they're not, and you have to then take responsibility for, for your own plan, your own growth, your own advancement. And so how do you do that? You define your own plan. You can start with what people use in the workplace during their, you know, yearly goal-setting, personal development, or even your performance review. They'll, they'll add in there your goals and your measurements, and they might even talk about your areas of improvement, or, you know, what needs to be done for advancement. And I— and it's a good starting point. It's a great starting point. I work with my clients most of the time months before that performance review comes out in order for them to influence what their performance goals are and the measurements and the development plans. And, you know, kind of even this cycle of feedback in order to get feedback on your performance. So basically, I told him, as I would tell you, to create your own career plan. What is it that you want to do? By when? What does it look like? What do you need in order to get there? Whether that's training, coaching, any number of things. That will— assignments, projects that would be relevant to you accomplishing your career plan. And then I would even engage your manager and your HR department in understanding what your plans are. So it's not a conversation. You just don't want to go in there off the cuff and say, hey, I want to be, you know, the next Vice President of Sales when you're only entry level. You want to, you know, have made, you know, purposeful thoughts and plans around your career. And then take it and get advocates and get them on board with what it is that you want to do. Because if, if they, you know, all of a sudden raise their head up and roll their eyes and you can see that you're not going to get the support, well then, you know, and it's kind of my last ultimate decision you can make, but maybe that means that you're not in the right place. But many managers and many HR departments, they're very open to you having a conversation with them and showing them your plan. And of course, you know, it's always going to be kind of based in the framework of the organization. And it's their obligation and responsibility at that time to tell you that and to explain that, that, you know, maybe it's a ladder system and you don't necessarily go from this position to that position or that region to that region without certain things being done. Well, that's okay. Started the conversation, um, and you're now gaining the knowledge and the information that you need in order to have a realistic plan put into place. And then I suggested that, you know, go outside your, your team, go elsewhere in the company, go elsewhere outside the company, go elsewhere within the industry that you're in, go outside your industry and speak to other people as to what they're doing and where are they getting their experience and their opportunities and their, their training and their coaches and mentoring. Because that's the other thing, find the advocates that can support your career plan. Find these sponsors. The sponsors in an organization are those people that will talk about you when the door is closed and you're not in the room. So when things are being brought up, new assignments, new promotions, a sponsor as opposed to just a mentor, a sponsor will actually go to bat for you. And to support you. A mentor is just someone that you can rely on that, you know, always should be up-leveled, as I call it. You should be always mentoring up. You go after kind of a person that's in a position that you want to be in and go to them and talk to them, build a relationship with them, and then ask them to be a mentor and to provide you some guidance and feedback and advice on certain things. So there's a lot of ways that you can take control of your own career path. And just remember the one thing, 'cause this was the biggest lesson I learned when I was like 23 or 24, and that is timing is everything. You have to be in the right place at the right time. And I'll never forget in my early 20s, I wanted to be promoted to this big buying position. And I went to the CEO and I asked for that position that was opened, and he just said it's not the right time. And I was like, well, I'm ready and I'm, you know, and literally I was probably, you know, stomping my fist on the desk and, you know, I've done this and this is what I've achieved so far and I can handle this and whatever I was spouting off at the time, which will be also a next piece of advice. But, and he just simply said, Bernadette, it's not the right time. You might not understand that right now. You might walk out of this office and be upset, but it's not the right time. And you know what? He was right. You know, it wasn't 4 or 5 months later and I got the, you know, the perfect, perfect position that I wanted. But before I forget, so the other big thing about supporting that timing is everything when it actually isn't the right time is you also don't want to go kind of haphazard or unprepared when it comes to addressing your career path. You know, once you have that plan, it's not a plan that you just kind of put in a drawer. You actually need to use it as a tool, and you actually need to use it to then document your accomplishments, document your new skills, document your, you know, your lessons learned, document your shortcomings, document your areas of improvement, and then use that as a tool for justifying you know, that next part of your career path. Bring that in and build a business case and to justify why you should get that promotion, why you should get that raise, why you should get that special assignment, whatever the case might be. And remember, your plans are always just that. They're plans. They're not rules. So you have to be open to changes to that plan, to things that you haven't considered and thought about. If I kind of went strictly by my plan, and I've always had plans since I was God knows how young, but if I had always gone by my plan, I would have missed out on tremendous opportunities, hard and easy, successful and failures. I would have missed out on them, and it wouldn't have brought me to where I am today. So just think about that as well. Okay, all right, and then The last question I want to address, and we have a couple minutes, is I get this quite often. I'm in the part of my career, I am a coach consultant in general business areas, and then being a screenwriter and in the entertainment business, I get this question brought to me a lot because I also understand a lot about intellectual property. And it, and it's basically how do I keep keep, you know, other people from stealing my ideas or my content. But it's very relatable to any of you as entrepreneurs, especially because you're creating context, you're creating brands, you're creating processes and methodologies, and you have your own special secret sauce. You know, maybe you've written a book, and in my case, you know, I've written a script, I've written a treatment, and, and a lot of times in the entertainment industry especially, you have to to freely put that out there in order to get anybody to pay attention to it. Well then, you know, people start questioning and doubting whether or not they're going to keep it private, whether or not they're not going to steal it. And the same if you're just a, you know, if you're a business person when it comes to your content. And basically bottom line is this. One, there's a degree of trust. You just have to trust the universe and trust the world that what you put out there is going to be safe and the risk of, or the chance of someone wanting to steal it and copy it is nominal, and it is, it's small because there's a lot of work to go into interpreting what it is that, you know, you might have created, you might have written, you might have recorded, whatever the case might be. And they, they find it much easier to go to the source if they want it. They'd rather go to the source and have them, you know, kind of create it, so to speak. And, and yet there are times and there are situations where people— when people will take someone's idea, because keep in mind, 10% of a change of anything is a new idea. That's kind of a very loose understanding that, you know, you make a 10% change to a product and it's a new product. So, but you can't hold on to it. You can't hold on to it so tight that you lose the opportunities that you would get if you put it out there. And I had to get over that after the first like 6 months, though it only took about 6 months in the past 4 years to get over that. Because they laugh at you when you ask for an NDA or ask them to sign a release. You know, the entertainment world just simply laughs at you, so you kind of have to get over that. Now there are things that you also do want to give away. You want to give away your content to get new customers. You want to give away your content in order for other potential clients to really understand your expertise and what kind of business you have and what your approach is. So you need to treat your content like a strategy. Is your content— and you need to actually create free giveaway as a strategy. Where do I and where don't I freely give my content out without either a price point attached to it or an NDA that you're strict about? And there's a number of other things that I would talk to on that subject, and I'll make sure that I post that question and the answers. Out on our Facebook page and also sheddingthebitch.com, all right, 'cause I kinda had a blow. Let's see, what else? That really is it. We have some great guests coming up in spring, so over the coming months, talking about a whole variety of subject matters, both for entrepreneurs and corporate professionals, both as business people and as, you know, just individuals, so be sure to go back to our sheddingthebitch.com radio station or radio page on our website to get all the past episodes, or you can go right to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and pull down all the episodes from our past. All right, I hope everybody has a beautiful week and a wrap-up celebration of Passover and Easter, and spring is a beautiful season for you. And I'll talk to you right back here at noon Eastern time. Thanks everybody. Thank you for listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. Join Bernadette every Tuesday at noon Eastern as she helps you shift your bitches to riches. And the dialogue is always going on at sheddingthebitch.com. See you next week.