Ask Me Anything with Bernadette Boas

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Hello and welcome to Shedding the Bitch Radio, where you can discuss, debate, and get advice on how to discover and shed the bitches of fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negative mindsets so you can realize your dreams and life purpose and create and accelerate the riches you want in life. Join us here live every Tuesday at noon Eastern and dialogue with us at 818-572-2910. You can also chat with us at BlogTalkRadio.com/sheddingthebitch or shoot share your stories on our website at sheddingthebitch.com. Whatever the bitch is that's holding you back from living your life to the fullest, it's not worth giving up the riches in life that you deserve. So call in now and let Bernadette Boas know what's holding you back. 818-572-2910. Good day, good day, good day everyone! How are you? I hope you are doing wonderful and beautiful, and that wherever you might be in the world, that you're just at peace and happy and having a lot of fun. It is a gorgeous, gorgeous, but cold, cold day here in Atlanta, Georgia. The sun is beaming, yet the temperatures are dropping. I think we're going to be in like the— well, we were in the low 20s last night, and we'll do it again even further down toward the teens this evening and tomorrow evening. And during the day, it is not getting up higher than about 40-something, low 40s. But it feels good. And with the sunshine and with Daylight Savings Time coming this weekend, woohoo! I am so excited. It definitely, you know, puts a sense of spring spring, sense of bloom, though it does create allergy season, which I certainly won't look forward to, but you know what, that's okay. I'll welcome it because I'm definitely looking forward to the springtime. I already have the chirping birds in my backyard, so when it comes to the warmth and the flowers and whatnot, I'll tolerate a allergy or two. But don't forget daylight savings time this weekend, Saturday night, I, I, um, about 2:00 a.m. sadly you'll have to move your clock forward, um, and therefore you'll lose an hour of sleep. But if you're like me, I'll be in bed by like 8:30, 9 o'clock Saturday night just so I still get that 8 hours. And with an eye mask and earplugs, even though I have all these skylights in my, um, in my home, I'll be able to at least keep the sun out for as long as possible and, and make sure that I don't lose that hour of sleep. But Deborah and I were just talking about it, about a couple things before we jumped on actually. And everybody knows Deborah, my guru, uh, not only virtual assistant but a radio producer and our social media expert. And she just reminded me that it was It is 4 years today, our anniversary of working together. I hired her 4 years ago this month, let's say, this month. And I just don't know where the time went. And she agreed. At the same time, we were also talking— she has children. So, we were talking about what daylight savings time does to kids with all that, you know, sunlight and longer days and opportunities. For them to play, but then as parents you have to keep them busy and active, and then it's difficult to get them down at night when it is light and bright out, and get up in the morning. But I'll welcome it. I hope all of you will as well. And thank you, Deborah, for a fabulous 4 years of great work. And of course you'll hear the commercials and the mention of Parker House Virtual Services. And the email address that you can use to reach out to her. And Deborah, come off mute for a second and just remind everyone what that email address is because I don't have it right in front of me.

Sure. It's deborahparker.va@gmail.com. Sweet!

deborahparker.va@gmail.com. Definitely leverage her, reach out to her, even have a conversation, mention that you learned of her and/or you experience her every week because I know you download our podcast or you join us live each and every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. So, and that reminds me, today is Ask Bernadette. That's what today's program is all about, and we'll get into what that really means, but just to mention kind of what our topic of conversation is for today. I do want to highlight the fact that this Friday is International Women's Day. So we'll talk about that a little bit later because one of our questions that I had gotten actually several weeks ago is around how one can not necessarily participate in International Women's Day, but how they can help to advance girls and women and what ideas, what steps can they be taking to be part of that. And so we'll incorporate the discussion around International Women's Day in that question. And if you do have questions of your own, or maybe you've heard of a question or a story or a situation at work or at home, then feel free to post it on Facebook or Twitter on our Shedding the Bitch pages. You can call us during the program today live between noon and 1 Eastern Time at 1-818-572-2910. You can also, during the program, you can also go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitch and you will find this episode, today's specific episode, and scroll down to the bottom of that page and you'll find a chat room. And we are always manning that chat room. And if you don't want to necessarily kind of get on the phone call with us, you can certainly just chat in your question or your situation, and I'll be happy, happy, happy and honored to provide you some tips, advice, and sometimes, sometimes tough love. So that's all of that. I also just kind of wanted to mention something, because we talk a lot here on the program about kindness and respect and treating people with heart, uh, and, uh, not necessarily hate, but I won't go as far as hate, even disrespect. Um, and I had a situation happen yesterday, and I, and I, I've been doing a lot of work on myself and for probably the last 8 to 10 years, but especially this past several months, which our regular listeners would, um, understand. And, uh, and it's all about being stuck, and I'll talk about that a little later as well. However, yesterday morning I was at the laundromat. I don't have a washer or dryer in my guest house where I live, and I feel like a new— you know, my time in Philly and New York going to the laundromat. So I go to the local laundromat, and we def— we have, as many cities do, we have homeless that live in the area, and there's 2 or 3 that are regulars. I'll call them regular homeless men. And after a while, whether it's at McDonald's or the grocery store or the laundromat, you kind of see them and get to know them and, you know, buy them some breakfast, whatever. And so yesterday morning, I, you know, I did. I was at the laundromat. There was a couple of— it's an uncle-nephew set of men, and I asked if I could buy them breakfast, and they, you know, said yes and were very grateful. So I went off to do that, came back and brought them actually multiple meals worth of breakfast. Was thrilled to see that when the third homeless man came in, they openly shared their coffee and breakfast with them. And so they were just there minding their own business. Actually, one of them just kept cleaning the laundromat, and that's what they do to kind of earn the right to be there. They keep it clean, they wash down, the countertops, make sure everything's in order. And I did notice another man there doing his laundry, and he happens to be a local, and he works at one of our local Publix that I shop at regularly, and I see him regularly. But, um, I didn't think twice about it, and I then went into my car to wait and hang out with, with the dogs in the car and finish my coffee. And I noticed him actually jotting down information off of the laundromat a sign that lists the phone number, email address, and the actual address of the owners of the laundromat. And then he got on his phone, and I thought, hmm, maybe he lost money and he's reporting it to the owners of the laundromat. But then I got a sick feeling that no, he's either reporting these homeless men in, you know, the laundromat to the owners, or he's calling the cops. But I thought, nah, he wouldn't do that, he's a nice guy. Well, a few minutes later, a cop shows up. And he comes in and he goes over to the gentleman. I was doing my, my laundry. And, um, they— he goes over to the gentleman and he says, look, we've gotten a report and someone called in to complain that you are loitering and you're setting up shop and home here in the laundromat, and you're also doing damage to the laundromat. And that— and I kind of— I didn't go off, I didn't turn into the old Bernadette. I actually broke down in tears. And I actually kind of conveyed to them, I said, you know, I said, officer, these two, because only two were there at the time, these two gentlemen are being totally respectful. They're here with me. I bought them breakfast, invited them in to sit down and enjoy their breakfast. They're cleaning up and keeping the area tidy and clean. You know, there's no reason for, for them to have to be thrown out of the laundromat. And he's like, well, you know, we have to do this when, when it's reported and someone complains. And I said, that gentleman there? And I turned to the gentleman and I asked him, I said, you know, excuse me, I said, did you actually call the cops on these guys? And of course, and this is what really irks me when things like this happen, of course the person who complained doesn't have the balls and the courage to confront it and acknowledge it and step up and stand up for what it is that they did. They hide like a coward and pretend as if they can't see you, hear you, you know, or feel you. And so of course the gentleman, the homeless man, not wanting to, you know, get into any, you know, get into trouble, they were like very respectful and they said, okay, sir, sir, sir, we'll, you know, pack up our things and leave. And I'm sitting there going, sir, it is It was freezing out. And I said, and I just wanted them to be able to have warmth, you know, having their meal. And again, this gentleman ignoring, pretending to be ignoring everything. And I turned to him and I said, I'm going to pray for you. I'm going to hope to God one day you are not in need of a warm, you know, a warm home and a warm meal. Because I'm concerned that it's not going to show up for you. If you are going to treat people so inhumane as you are treating these two men who are not doing anything to you. And yeah, I just caught myself off guard that I was just bawling my eyes out to this officer and to these men. So anyway, so it is just a kind of a situation where I just was reminded both how we need, we need to be kind and respectful and loving to one another, and not be inhumane or be disrespectful. And granted, I was waiting for a lot of haters to come onto Facebook and blast, you know, well, homeless people, blah, blah, blah. And I'm happy to say that they have not, at least as of yet. And I definitely understand arguments when it comes to you know, the homeless and, and, you know, people's neighborhoods and communities. But they are people. They are people. And any one of us at any time, and maybe that is what got me so much, is anybody could be in that situation. So we all should feel blessed that we have a warm house and a warm meal. And just put ourselves in their shoes for just a few minutes and have some compassion. So I just wanted to kind of throw out a a message of kindness on this beautiful, beautiful Tuesday as we dive into helping you with your stories, questions, and challenges that you might be having at home or at work. Just as a reminder too, we've had some great, great programs over the last several weeks. Forgive me, I have to catch my breath. Last week we talked about coaches and mentors and sponsors, what are the differences, what's the value to you individually in your life or at work having a coach, mentor, or sponsor. So, you know, that's available out there as well as Shed the Stuck Bitch. So, and again, we'll talk about, you know, my journey of being stuck myself. So that was a great program that got a lot of attention. We talked about finding love in you and in your life. And then of course, we've had other Ask Me Anything episodes in February. And previous to that, we had a program that continues to get a following, and that was around shedding the excuses because they kill your dreams. So you can at any time go to sheddingthebitch.com Scroll down the homepage, you'll see the radio channel, uh, and listen to, you know, any number of the, of the, uh, programs we've had over the last several years, um, even before Deborah came on 4 years ago this month. Um, and as well, you can go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitch and find all of our episodes there. And of course, at any time, you can go to iTunes and download the podcast there. All right, so we're going to talk Ask Bernadette. These are your questions, stories, and challenges that you've posed to me, and we got some great ones. Like I mentioned, we have a couple based on— or one based on International Women's Day, but that actually led into a question somebody had around equality, women and equality, and closing the gender gap and all those top-of-mind issues that women are concerned about. We're going to talk about the biggest mistakes people make when they interview for a job and the single one that really kind of gets my goat when someone looking for a job or a business opportunity sits down across the table from me. And then we're also going to talk about— and I'm going to make sure we have time— around what can one do when they're looking for advancement or a promotion at their job that they just started, which is a different slant on someone that— I often get the question, "I've been here 3 to 5 years. What can I be doing to advance my career?" So if you, at any time during this program or after, if you have a question, story, or challenge you want some tips and advice on, go to Facebook or Twitter or Shedding the Bitch pages and post it anytime that you want. I'll make sure you get an answer to it, and then we might just bring it here on the first Tuesday of every month to dive deep— deeper into it, and you have an opportunity to then call in should you want to and have a conversation in regards to it. You can also go to sheddingthebitch.com and post it there. I get most of my questions through LinkedIn or when I'm just out and about networking and at, you know, training programs and speaking engagements and that kind of thing. But there's always a way to get a hold of me and our community. You can even email me directly at BernadetteBoas@sheddingthebitch.com as well. All right, we are going to take a break, and when we get back, we'll dive into these questions.

We'll be right back. You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette's book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, North Georgia Tax Solutions, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate size clients. Go to ngtaxsolutions.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium size businesses. Email deborahparker@deborahparker. Va@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

That's it. So welcome back, everybody. Welcome back, everybody. It is Ask Bernadette, or ask me anything. It could be about your career, business, or life. I happen to be a very well-rounded individual and woman, but if not, then I certainly take your question to an expert in the industry that you might be referring to or the topic, and they might have already been guests on our program and ensure that we give you the tips and advice that you need. So don't hesitate posting or emailing your question, story, or challenge that you might be having. Before we get into the question that, that you had provided us, I just wanted to give you an update and a thank you. I've been talking since the beginning of the year about my own situation about being stuck, not even just feeling stuck, but actually being stuck. And I won't go into all of that, you can listen to the past programs that we've done about shedding the stuck bitch. And I share my story with you. But I do want to thank everyone, and I want to thank Deborah specifically, because your ideas and inputs and reactions to my situation provided great ideas, great tips. And one simple one that I was given was just even what I, what I coach and preach on myself, and that is just do one thing. So, as you all know, I'm a screenwriter, and I've had this script that I've been working on, adapted from my book, for the last, I would say, 3 years. And this past year, I put it on the shelf because I really needed to focus on my business. Yet, at the same time, as the year rolled in, I just wasn't interested in doing that or basically anything that I had been working on last year, and that's where the being stuck came into play. Well, I know that I am passionate and I love the story and the message of my script, so I knew I had to do something. So the suggestion to me of just doing one thing, taking one step, one action toward one thing within my areas of interest, that was to hire a script coach, someone that can actually not only give me notes on my script, but then kind of stay with me as I'm writing. Because as a writer, you know, you take notes and suggestions and ideas. You adapt whatever it is that you're working on, but you're never sure if you've hit the mark because that person now who's giving you the ideas and the notes has gone away. Well, I want someone that gives me the notes and sticks around to ensure that I am applying those notes appropriately. That I did last week, and I had my first session with him last week, and he's an LA writer and producer, actually. And it has created a great deal of energy and momentum, and even Deborah had noted, you know, I sounded better, and I do feel like I have a lot more energy in my voice and in my person. So I won't say that I am unstuck in all areas, and that is okay. As I, as I talk to all of you about, it is okay. I will take it one day at a time, and I will take it one project, one task, one activity at a time, one client at a time, and just let kind of the universe create the momentum for me and the focus for me. And I am all good with that. So I want to thank all of you very much for that. All right, let's dive into these questions that you have for me. So it is International Women's Day this Friday. And having a conversation about it several weeks ago, I got posed the question. It was centered around the fact that they didn't have any time to do an event for International Women's Day, but they wanted to do something. So they were just basically asking, I don't have the time to hold an International Women's Day event. "do you have any ideas how I can at least do something to help the cause?" Now, for those of you who might not be aware of International Women's Day, at least how you can contribute to it, you can always go to internationalwomensday.com and there is a way and they provide you all the resources to where you can have what I'll call a satellite event. You can have your own individual event with your group of female friends or maybe your office or company of women or your community or maybe you do it and just invite anybody that you may or may not know into the event. But what they're hoping to do is to have all of these groups and all these different events going on around the world. And the whole The whole mission around the International Women's Day is to celebrate women's achievement, raise awareness against biases, take action for equality, and create a balanced world because it's a better world. And it's basically how you can help to forge a more gender-balanced world. But again, some of us don't have the time or the opportunity or the resources to actually, you know, kind of coordinate and organize and then hold one of these events. But there are many, many, many things that you could be doing. And I won't steal International Women's Day's thunder because, you know, they have some great ideas and resources on their website. And I would definitely advise any of you to go to that website and get some ideas for yourself. But let me give you an idea, some ideas from my own perspective as to what each of us can do to advance women's achievements, to rid our communities of biases, and to also just, you know, close the gap from gender equality. And I'm going to break this down between women and men. And it irks me when I see, you know, Women's Day events and it's just women. But we're never going to solve these problems unless we, you know, insert where we always blame the problems to be coming from, and that's men. And yet men, if we get them on our team and on our cause, will be the ones to help to solve these problems and these areas that women complain about. So I'm going to kind of give some ideas for the women first, and then I'll also address the men. So back to this listener of the program who asked this question. So my ideas are relatively simple, but they're also hard in that they're all about you as the woman, as a woman. So first, it's almost like what shedding the bitch is about. Unless we really shed whatever insecurities, doubts, negativities, fears, feelings of low self-worth, that we have as individuals, as women, we're not able to cheer on and champion and lift up other women or other people as, you know, as a whole. So first, you individually need to define for yourself as a woman how you want to be treated, how you want to be communicated to, how you want to be managed and supported, how you want to be uplifted. How you want to be critiqued, how you want to be loved. You need to understand for yourself first, because then guess what comes into play? The Golden Rule: treat others as you want to be treated. Very simplistically, treat others as you want to be treated. So first, if you were to define for yourself as a woman how you want to be treated and communicated to, managed and supported, and all those things, Then what you want to do is say, okay, am I being truthful, am I being true to that definition? So you assess yourself. You know, the way you outlined and defined you want to be treated, communicated to, managed and supported, loved, advanced, championed, you know, are you requiring that from other people? Or are there areas that you need to work on yourself? Because again, until you are whole, so to speak, are you truly able to kind of give— not give back, but are you truly able to want to champion, advance, and respect and lift up other women? And so it starts with you in regards to just you understanding, you know, you, and then assessing if you are there or not, and if you're not, wherever those gaps are, you begin to work on them. Now you don't have to be perfect, which is a big dilemma for women. They always think they have to be, you know, 100% of something before they can, you know, ask to do anything. And it's a common understanding that, you know, men expect if they know something 40% of it, they'll ask for a promotion, where women expect to be at 80 or higher percent before they feel that they're worthy or valued enough to be able to ask for something. So I certainly don't want you to wait until you're 100% of anything, not even 80% of something. You know, just assessing yourself and being truthful to yourself around where your strengths are, but where your areas of further development are, that's in itself a great step forward and a place to start. Start where you can then be helping others to do the same for themselves. So start there first. Start with you first. And then commit to being that coach, mentor, champion, sponsor, supporter of other girls and women. Again, if, you know, treat people how you want to be treated. So if you want to be coached, mentored, supported, you know, advanced, help other people around you do the same and therefore help other girls and women. Lift them up as you want to be lifted up. Coach and mentor them and give them your expertise and your experience and your lessons learned, you know, for them to learn and grow as much as you want someone else who's been there, done that to do the same to you. If you as a woman today, right now, in this very moment in time, have any degree of decision-making power or influence, then use it. And what I mean by that is, if you are in a, you know, in your home, all right, with your own girls, and yourself actually, or you're in your community, or you're in a workplace, and you have any ability to speak up or stand up when you see that there isn't equal treatment and equal opportunity and equal advancement and equal pay, or someone is just truly being disrespected, then it starts with each one of us. It starts with us standing up for each other. So, you know, use that decision-making power even to change policy or procedure or process within your home or within the workplace or community to kind of say, well, wait a minute, you know, we can definitely be ensuring that our girls in the home are getting the same opportunities, the same education, taking risks, you know, doing the things that, you know, are going to, you know, get— open up the world of opportunities to them as much as the boys. And then in the workplace, if there's, you know, hiring or advancement or pay policies or procedures or changes that need to be made or mastermind groups and mentoring and sponsorship programs that need to be put into place and/or improved upon, then, you know, take the, even the little bit of influence or decision-making. You don't have to be in a position of influence to, and meaning, you know, on the hierarchy in order to be a supporter and an advocate for change. You know, it starts at the very, you know, the very, I don't even say bottom, but it starts at the very early, you know, entry-level, staff positions all the way to the C-suite, as they say. So leverage it and use it. And, you know, again, when you learn of any mistreatment or inequality, you know, do something about it. Contribute to the change. Don't contribute to the drama, to the disparity, to the inequality. And ladies, what that means is women should love on women, not hate on women. So there's, you know, this whole idea. And, you know, my— one of my future books is going to be unfortunately on the kind of the reality that I see, and that's women hating on women. And, um, and it's very interesting in the different environments, whether that's entrepreneurial or corporate, whether that's at home or in the community, you know, how these things, um, how these things differ. But, but the bottom line is, if we as women want to be treated equally, paid equally, advanced and supported, we have got to support each other because we can't do it alone. But man, when we come together as a tribe, so to speak, we can do tremendous, tremendous things. All right, so ladies, Band together. And if you, you know, are having a difficult time banding together, then, you know, you be the one to take the first step and, you know, put yourself out there and, you know, require change. And then men, I'm going to speak to you because then we have to move on because I just noticed the time. But this is a very important subject. So men, men, men, men, men, men, you have everything to do with this. Everything to do with this. And it really floors me because I didn't grow up in a home or an environment where I really saw that disparity. And we can have a long conversation about that another time. But when I really think about this and this whole mistreatment of women, I sit there and say, well guys, my Lord, Your mothers, your sisters, your aunts, your wives, they are women. Your daughters are women. And do you really want the people that you love to go out into the world only to be mistreated and only to be mispaid and misadvantaged and, you know, abused and all the other things? How can you, as a man who loves a woman or a daughter or an aunt or a mother, how can you accept and support that? So that to me, because I have 6 brothers, as many of you know, I have 6 brothers and I have 5 sisters, and I just didn't see it or didn't experience it. So men, what I'd love you to do, without going into a whole number of steps, is One of my dearest colleagues, and he's been a guest on our program multiple times, Jeffrey Tobias Halter. You can find him at YBiz— oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, YWomen.biz. And that's the letter Y, Women.biz. And he is a corporate gender strategist, and he's the country's leading expert on engaging men to advance women. Women, your daughters, your mothers, your wives, your sisters, your friends, whomever, women, women, women, go to his website, whywomen.biz. He's got tons of resources. He even has an initiative called Fathers of Daughters, and it talks about this, this, you know, critical aspect of this issue, and that, hey fathers, you have daughters, you have sisters, you have wives. Help to rid the world of this disparity. So, whywomen.biz, check it out, men. And ladies, I'm coming back to you. You can help men with that. If they're having a difficult time with it, then learn how to have a conversation about it. Learn how to address it and raise up this issue. And it's a great place to start at home. And if you do have daughters, leverage, you know, that fact. And then, of course, as you as a wife and/or a mother or a sister or an aunt and/or even a friend or a colleague. You know, ladies help the men. And because they have blinders and biases of centuries that need to be deflated. So it's not going to happen overnight. But we can all do our part. All right, when we get back, I'm going to take a quick break because when we get back, we have a number of other questions that need to get addressed and that are just as important. So for everybody at Shedding the Bitch, we're going to take a quick break and we'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitchiness. Of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette Boas' book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, North Georgia Tax Solutions, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate-sized clients.

Clients.

Go to NGTaxSolutions.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium-sized businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker.va@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at media relations at submissions at sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back, everyone. We are having a discussion on this Ask Bernadette Tuesday. The first Tuesday of every month, we take your stories, questions, and challenges, and we provide you tips. I specifically provide you tips and advice and sometimes tough love. So we were talking about kind of International Women's Day, which is this Friday, March 8th, but we— it really stemmed also from just what can this individual who asked it. So what can women in this case, but even men, what can they do in order to advance the cause of closing the gap of women equality and pay and all that kind of stuff. But this next question kind of stemmed and came out of this actually series of discussions that had occurred over a few days. This one, in the same vein, is questioning, "Women say that they want equality, but then how can some women be so accepting of sexist behavior, treatment, and comments by men?" And actually, this was provoked over a discussion around President Trump. Now, this is a tricky one. I'm not getting into specifically talking about Trump. And this is not, before I get a lot of hate, hate either, this has nothing to do with any political slant. It purely has to do with why do some women kind of accept and even cheer on individuals, men, who are blatant sexist and mistreat women and demean women and abuse women and you name it. And even those simply who are so biased at women, especially in the workplace, to where this pay equality and disparity continues to exist in 2019. So leaving all policy— politics aside, please everyone, this is not about that. I really truly see this, of why women accept men and cheer on men and champion men and whatnot that mistreat other, other women. I see it as purely a measure of their self-worth. Think about it. If you are a strong, confident woman at any, you know, at any level, in any degree, There is nothing in that, there's nothing in strength and confidence that would allow such treatment, such abuse, such chauvinistic pig type of behavior or language. It just isn't. A strong, confident woman, confidence means— and add courage into that— but it means that they're going, they're willing and able to to stand up and defend themselves and/or other people as a result, you know, as a result of any mistreatment. So it really— so for those who don't, for those who kind of brush it under the carpet, or for those who just merely accept it, even cheer it on, you have to, you have to question how they view themselves and how they view women as a whole. I mean, it's just, you know, there's nothing more to it. Because again, if anyone has any degree of self-respect or self-worth, and, you know, for themselves obviously, then they're not willing to, to allow people to mistreat them and to speak poorly of them and/or to even go, you know, to an extreme physically or emotionally, mentally. So it really, bottom line, does come down to that. Now, there are many— so I look, you know, I look in, you know, look into the community, look into the, to the world, and sadly it does roll into looking, you know, into the media and whatnot, um, in situations where there's a large group of people who are, you know, uh, supporting someone like that. And there's very, you know, intelligent— full, I'll even go as far as that women who are cheering and championing these type of individuals on. And again, I don't have to question it or doubt it or try to understand it because it was me. I'm able to say with, you know, pure conviction that it comes down to the measurement of one's self-worth as to whether they accept it. Even the most intelligent, successful person. Because intelligence doesn't necessarily equate to self-worth, self-value, self-respect, self-love. You could be brilliant and yet you don't, you know, you don't have those degrees of worth built up within you. I mean, I'm pure evidence of it. It's where Shedding the Bits came from, you know. Here the world only saw this confident, strong, successful woman, and yet internally I was hiding behind that mask and definitely doubting and beating down any degree of worth or value that I had for myself. Now another reason that people will, will accept it, and in this case we're talking women who accept other, who accept bad behavior and sexist behavior or mistreatment. Another reason is, you know, centered on their ambition and on their goals. So this is common, especially in the workplace, where, you know, women are harassed, whether it's verbal, whether it's by sexist behavior, whatever the case might be. And they have to, they feel they have to accept it because, one, you know, it's their boss or it's someone of influence. It would, you know, it would cut into their career or their, you know, goals that they have for themselves, their ambitions that they have for themselves. If they were to, you know, do anything about it, they'd be seen as troublemakers, and they don't want to be seen as that. They, they would be perceived as not being part of the club, and they don't want to be perceived as that. So they basically just accept it because their ambitions and their, their goals and their greed are more important— again, it comes down to more important than their own self-worth. Because anybody, again, who's strong and confident and has a high degree of self-worth, or even a degree of self-worth, is not going to allow that. They're going to know and realize that there's options. That they can either, you know, confront it, and if that doesn't work, then they can go and leave and find a company or a team or a place where they'll be treated respectfully. So again, it comes down to self-worth. Now, in some instances, and, you know, to the— to not even an extreme, is it's a matter of survival. And this is, you know, predominantly more on the personal life level than in the business level, because you would hope that a business situation is never about survival. You, you know, you either, you know, confront it and do something about it and move on, or, I'm not sure what the or is, or you just brought it on to yourself, which is not something that anybody would want. But the majority of this point of survival, acceptance of survival, is mainly when someone is in a very bad, dangerous situation, mostly in a home environment. And it is a matter of them physically, let alone emotionally and mentally and spiritually survive, but it is about their physical survival. But again, as much as it hurts to say it, again, the bottom line is it does come back to self-worth. You know, you'll, you'll hear many, many survival survivors. I've heard few, a few, and they'll say, you know, it wasn't until I realized that I deserved better was I able to break away or ask for help or do something different. So, sadly, when I do see, you know, crowds and hordes of women online or in person supporting certain, you know, behavior and certain words and certain actions that is, that is against women and, you know, actually against humans as a whole, you know, it's really easy for me to just say it comes down to they don't have a real high level of self-worth for themselves, because if they did, then they would not allow other people to be treated that way in any way, shape, or form. Accepting it just, you know, kind of shows and reveals a degree of that lack, that lack of confidence, that lack of strength, that lack of courage, that lack of self-love. And for anyone who wants to change that, again, you know, it just— it means going inward and working on yourself and taking care of yourself and really loving, learning to love yourself. And if anyone out there listening, you know, is struggling in any way, shape, or form, it doesn't have to be on the degree of this question, but if there is any, you know, anyone struggling with that, then definitely reach out. I mean, that's where I definitely and certainly and would be honored to, to help you, because we all deserve to be treated the way we want to be treated and to go after and achieve what it is that we're dreaming and aspiring to be. So, and that's what gives me breath and life. And I, you know, would be honored to do it. All right, we're going to keep going because we have a couple more questions, and they're a little lighter than the first two that we've gotten, but they were very important questions. So, "What is the biggest mistake people make when interviewing for a job?" I love this question. It comes to me in so many different ways, you know, but bottom line is that, you know, what is the biggest mistake? And now keep in mind, I have always, you know, I've interviewed for decades as an executive, people to come on board to work for me or the company I was working for. I've also hired from my own, from my own business perspective, but I also do a lot of coaching and a lot of, what would you call it, interview scenarios. So people come to me to learn and practice how to interview be the interviewer as well as to be interviewed. And it was funny, just real quick, last week in improv class, last Tuesday night, one of the scenarios is there had to be an interviewer and then an interviewee. And they would throw out, the audience would throw out ideas to you as to what it is that you're interviewing for and, you know, what the situation is. So it's all, again, improv. Well, I got done my piece. And the whole room was like, "Wow, you're a great interviewer. Wow, that's impressive that you were able to do that so easily and casually." And I'm like, "Well, I'd love to take the compliment, but that's what I do for a living is I interview people." So it was quite funny, but I was happy that it applied to what is scarier than heck, and that's improv for sure. But anyway, so what's the biggest mistake people make? So let me give you my pet peeves, but I will also then break it down to even one that just drives me absolutely crazy. And actually, it doesn't drive me crazy. It's just, it's just the person is coming up short by not doing this.

Okay.

So quickly, because I want to get to the last question we were given too. All right. So the pet peeves of mine is people being unprepared. Not only prepared as far as, you know, what the job is and the company and all that, but even simply— and I've talked about this in the past— even simply coming, they're not dressed appropriately, they don't have a notepad or a pen, and maybe they have a notepad but no pen, and then they expect, "Oh, well, I'll do it on my, you know, I'll take notes on my phone," and I'm like, "No, you won't." I'm like, "No, you won't." You know, technology is great, phones are great. I certainly use the notes section. Regularly on my phone, but I'm not going to do it if I'm sitting there needing to pay attention and needing to, you know, really focus. And, you know, because I know people's attention level. And the next thing you know, they see a tweet come across or a text come across and they start addressing that. And trust me, it's happened in an interview. So being unprepared, not doing the research, I had mentioned that. So, you know, people who really don't know the details of the job or the company or the people. Go out onto LinkedIn or onto Google and really look into, do, you know, pull their SEC 10-K reports and do some research on the company. Of course, being late or appearing disinterested. You know, you show up late and that's an automatic for me. I'm sorry. And especially if you showed up late and you didn't notify in advance that you were going to be late. I already know that I'm going to be late for my improv class tonight, and so I already shot a note to my instructor. So that's just a major pet peeve. Not answering a question directly. Now we could talk politics here because it drives me absolutely crazy. But you know, you'd be surprised at how many people in what I'll call just common life, you know, you ask them a question. Rarely do I ask a yes or no question, but even when I do, I can't get a yes or a no. I can't get the answer to the question that I'm asking. And trust me, your interviewer is making note of that, and it's driving them crazy as well. People who don't make eye contact— and this goes to the shyest person in the world, the most introverted person in the world— you have to break through that and be able to make eye contact. And I'm not talking that you have to be dreamy-eyed and staring down the, you know, the person across the table, but there has to be a degree of you walk into a room, You look the person in the eye, you shake their hand, you sit down, you look them in the eye. And then after that, if you use, you know, your note-taking as a reason to kind of, you know, take your eyes off and go down onto your paper or do whatever, that's, you know, that's another thing. But, you know, to never be able to make eye contact, it just shouts, you know, insecure. And even to some people, and I'm including myself, one of those people, even a degree of mistrusting them, that if they can't look you in the eye, you know, they must be not telling the truth, they must be, you know, kind of up to something, so to speak. When 9.5 out of 10 times it's that they're just shy and, you know, introverted and insecure, those things can all kind of be overcome if you show some degree of confidence and eye contact. Of course, if, you know, you come in and you're talking poorly about the company that you used to work for or the employee and, you know, all these things happen in interviews, ladies and gentlemen. So, you know, that's why they're just common pet peeves. And then not asking questions, and this leads to my— the biggest thing that I get up from an interview and I just say to myself, "Huh, you know, they would have been, you know, smart and they would have definitely nailed this interview had they done this." And that is you have to keep in mind at any time you're in a situation where you're being interviewed, not only for a job, it could be for a bank loan, it could be for a special project, whatever the case might be. It can even be for a date. You have to keep in mind that you're not only being interviewed, but you should be interviewing. As well. And what I mean by that is the questions shouldn't all be coming toward you so you're talking about yourself, you know, the entire time. You should also be interviewing the other person. I don't care if it's the CEO of a company or it's the, you know, the janitor, you know, who's hiring. If you're sitting across from somebody, you should be just as interested in not that person necessarily, but how that person works, how the company works, how the team works, how the role works within the, you know, team in the company. You should be trying to learn and interview that individual as much as you should be interviewed. Now, a lot of people will say, "Yes, you want to do that because you don't want to be interviewed the whole time and it's all, you know, you're talking about you and how great you are, you know, and how great you'll be in the job and, you know, how much money you should be making and how much money you've made." But at the same time, it should be about, you know, what value can you be bringing to the company? How does the company work and how can I fit in? So, you need to make sure that you're interviewing the company as much as they're interviewing you, all right? And that'll be a huge benefit and bonus and a notch on your belt, so to speak, from your interviewer should you do that and should you show as much interest in learning about them and the company as you are about them learning about you. All right. Okay. We have a couple minutes, so I'm going to get to, "What can I do to be considered for a promotion at work, though I just started with the company?" Well, congratulations—

woo-hoo—

for getting the new job with the company. And it doesn't matter that you just started. You should expect that you, you know, have an opportunity to advance. And kind of going back to the last question, it should have been part of your— interview, you should have asked about what are the job advancement opportunities, what does the company look for in someone, you know, to advance, what does high potential mean to your company, and how and what should I be doing and thinking about and considering, and what steps should I take in order to be up for another, you know, advancement opportunity or for a special project, whatever the case might be. So it should, on your part, start start early. It sort of started at the interviewing time. And then when you're in the company, it should be the very first conversation you have with your boss. Now, of course, reality doesn't allow for that because you're thrown in and they want to tell you about what it is that you need to be doing for them. But at some point in time, you need to be sitting that boss down, and you need to be ensuring that he understands— he or she— understand your goals, your ambitions, and then ask questions about what do I need to be doing to be considered for another project, for advancement, for a bonus or a raise. You just need to be upfront and have that discussion and be sure you understand it and they understand you, and then actually do the work. Now, over and above the work, you could be offering to support and do other jobs, take on new responsibilities. You could be looking for special projects, and of course you could also be looking for a coach or a mentor who can help you along the way. So I'm going to put that last question with all the details, and along with the other questions, on ShadingtheBitch.com so you can go back and you can look at all the details of even what we haven't discussed on today's program. All right, so for everybody here at Shedding the Bitch, happy, happy anniversary, Karen. Um, or Karen— Deborah, Deborah. Um, everybody have a great Women's International Day on Friday, and also daylight savings time Saturday night at 2 AM. Uh, catch up on your sleep now because the longer days are coming. So everyone have a fabulous day. Talk to you next week. Thank you for listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. Join Bernadette every Tuesday at noon Eastern as she helps you shift your bitches to riches. And the dialogue is always going on at sheddingthebitch.com. See you next week.