Ask Me Anything with Bernadette Boas

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Hello and welcome to Shedding the Bitch Radio, where you can discuss, debate, and get advice on how to discover and shed the bitches of fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negative mindsets so you can realize your dreams and life purpose and create and accelerate the riches you want in life. Join us here live every Tuesday at noon Eastern and dialogue with us at 818-572-2910. You can also chat with us at BlogTalkRadio.com/sheddingthebitch. Shedding the Bitch, or share your stories on our website at sheddingthebitch.com. Whatever the bitch is that's holding you back from living your life to the fullest, it's not worth giving up the riches in life that you deserve. So call in now and let Bernadette Boas know what's holding you back.

818-572-2910.

Good day, good day, good day everyone. How are you on this beautiful June June Tuesday. I just can't get over it. I mean, the fact that we've already been, you know, through 5 complete months and we're moving into the last month of the first half of the year, it's just— it feels like Christmas was yesterday. It feels like I was 20 yesterday. But it is June, and that means it's the first Tuesday of June. That means it's Ask me anything today. So that's what our episode is all about, and we'll get to that in a minute. Um, but for those of you who might be new to the program, you still have time— you always have time to reach out, uh, let me know of your question, your story, or the challenge you might be having in any area of your life. It might be a career if you work for someone, it might be your own business, or it could just be a life issue that you're having around your family, friends, relationships, money, whatever the case might be. And I make sure that you get some tips and advice right away when you either post on our Shedding the Bitch Facebook or Twitter pages. I get people sending me things through BernadetteBoas@SheddingTheBitch.com. Most of my questions being asked come through LinkedIn, quite honestly. So if you aren't LinkedIn with me, feel free and at any time you can post a private question to me, and I will make sure that you get the support that you need. And I let everyone know that if I'm not the expert and I'm not the one that would be best to answer your question or address the challenge you might be having, then my posse of experts that I have from all around the world, I will reach out to and make sure that you get what it is that you need. We never want to let, let you go unsupported or not taken care of. So be sure to do that. And you can always call during our live broadcast, which is right now between noon Eastern time and 1 o'clock. You can also call 1-818-572-2910 and want to talk with me directly. Now, keep in mind, whether you email me or you call me, you know, if you tell me, Bernadette, I really don't want, you know, my name shared or whatever the case might be, that's perfectly fine. I respect that privacy. And that's going to come in, that's going to be relevant in today's conversation because I have a challenge for you as part of the second question that I was asked about over the last couple of weeks. So I've turned it into a challenge that could benefit all of us. But I do want you to know upfront that as a coach, everything that happens between myself and my client is private, is confidential. If I don't have that trust, you know, in my client and my client in me, then a coaching relationship doesn't work, as well as any, you know, professional provider out there. And it's critical for my clients to be able to open up to me. And that even means when I'm then working with and/or providing updates and feedback to their managers who might have been the ones hiring me, I let them know as well that they're, you know, 99.9% of the conversation between myself and my client is private and confidential and it will not be shared, yet I might provide an update that's very kind of generic to their participation, their contribution, whatever the case might be. So anyway, if you have any more questions about that type of relationship and partnership, then you can always reach out to me. And again, Bernadette Boas at sheddingthebitch.com. But it is a beautiful Tuesday, and as you may have heard me talk about for the past about a month, Atlanta's been very hot. We've already had jumped into the mid-90s over the past 10 days to 2 full weeks, and we're finally cooling off. Deborah just shared with me as we prepared to get onto the program that now it's very hot where she is, and she's out in California. So we're cooling down here in Atlanta, which I'm very grateful for. I had a very active and busy weekend with my pickleball. And you can go and Google that to figure out what that is. But I participated in a tournament over the weekend, and that was a lot of fun, extremely hot. But I have a, um, I have a shout out, and I don't get paid for any of these recommendations or any of these referrals or endorsements that I, that I give. And that has to change soon, uh, because I do them quite often. But I just, I did because of the fact that we're getting into summer and because of the fact that Deborah mentioned how hot it is out in California. This is, you know, it wouldn't be right for me not to share this. And she actually triggered the thought before we jumped on. And that is SmartWater. It's called SmartWater. And you might be familiar with it. But I bring it up because of the heat that's going on all around the country. And I was— it was brought to my attention. I typically didn't buy any of those special waters. I'm not really big on Powerade or Gatorade. It actually interrupts and disrupts my stomach. So when I work out or run or cycle, I actually can't drink any of those really sweet, sweet waters. But my sister has a daughter who's a on a traveling soccer team. And she was having hydration problems for years. And a couple of years ago, it might be 2 or 3 now, her doctor recommended that her daughter only drink Smartwater because it has electrolytes in it. It's much cleaner, I'll call it. It doesn't have as much sugars in it. And ever since then, Teresa is her daughter's name, has eliminated any of her cramping, any of her hydration issues. And actually feels just the opposite, feels very hydrated and very kind of clean during her workouts and during her games. So I started drinking it about a month ago when I started in these tournaments, and I'll tell you what, it's been a godsend. I don't get fatigued. I don't get dehydrated. I've yet to be exhausted after, you know, 3 or 4 hours out there of play, and it just feels like I'm not on any type of sugar high and my stomach's not upset. So anyway, I just wanted to throw that out there because as Deborah mentioned how hot it is in California and it is getting there across the country and I'm sure around the world. So for any of you, if you need something that— and if you have issues with too much sugar, too sweet, disruption, whatever the case might be, I want to do a shout out to Smart Water because it's been, it's been great. But I diverted from our topic of conversation for today, so thank you for allowing me to do that. Our latest episodes, if you were to go on to ShadingTheBitch.com, you can scroll down, see our radio button there. As well, you can go to iTunes, Apple Podcasts, and right here to BlogTalkRadio.com. Www.youtube.com/sheddingthebitchradio, and you'll find all of our episodes. But the latest have been regarding a number of varying topics. Last week we talked about unsupportive bosses and how much that sucks and what you can do about it. We've had a conversation about faith, gratitude, and thankfulness, which only brings peace into our world. And that was my opportunity to thank all of you as well for allowing me to kind of vent over kind of a scary cancer situation that I experienced a couple weeks ago. And that's gotten a lot of you listening and talking, and that's exactly what we're looking for here in the community. We also talked about how aging sucks, how you may think aging sucks, but what freedom it brings to you, and it does. So go back to any of those places, sheddingthebits.com, iTunes, Apple Podcast, or right here on blogtalkradio.com. And there's 4 or 5 years of episodes covering all kinds of subjects, like I said, about career, business, or life. All right, but today we are focused on you. We're focused on the challenges that you're having, the questions that you have, the stories you might have and want to, want to share for others to learn from or to to gain from or to be inspired by. And it does happen the first Tuesday of every month is Ask Bernadette. Sometimes we call it Ask Me Anything, and you can. You can ask me anything. I won't shy away from it. I will be upfront and honest if it gets into an area that I don't think I'm, you know, I'm expert enough to give you feedback on. I will find someone who can. I will find someone who can. So don't hesitate to ask whatever the question, story, or challenge might be. And today we're looking at two big questions that I was given over the last three or four weeks. One is all about risk. We've talked about this in the past, but at the same time, it is one that comes up quite often when working with my clients, but also from you in the community. So obviously it's something that is worthy of being repeated and/or enhanced and enriched on. So we're going to talk about taking risks, and then we're also going to talk about how words matter. And this is kind of the foundation of everything I do when I'm— whether I'm writing and I'm writing my fiction or nonfiction works, but also and more importantly when I'm working with clients or even just having a conversation with friends, and quite honestly, when I have conversations with myself, it's critical to consider the words that you're choosing to use because they influence everything. And so one of my clients actually stopped me on one of our coaching calls a few weeks ago to ask me about why I find— I feel it's so important that words matter. So we'll get into that a little bit more later, and that's where our— the challenge I want to give you, and I'm actually giving it to myself, comes in as well. So stay tuned for that because one, it'll be a good challenge for you to take on, and it could be a life-changing challenge for you to take on, providing you a great and transformative shift in your life.. And it could actually make the world in a matter of minutes or days or whatever just change dramatically. So we'll talk about that. And there's actually prizes involved, so you'll want to stay tuned for that. So those are the two points of conversation. And should you be out on Facebook or Twitter and want to converse with us, you can use hashtags for today's, discussion #AskBernadette or hashtag, as always, you can use #ShedTheBitch. Deborah's out there, she's manning the studio and she's also manning the tweets and the Facebook posts and she'll be making sure that I'm aware of anything that you might be wanting to discuss during our live program. But of course, majority of you also download and take us with you, which I love. So don't think that just because this episode you may have missed live that you can't reach out to us. You can at any time— Facebook, Twitter, or BernadetteBoas@SheddingTheBitch.com and/or my LinkedIn profile. All right, so before we dive into that, we'll take a quick break. I'll get some water, and when we get back, we're going to get into this conversation about taking risks. So we'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette's book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and Sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors North Georgia Tax Solutions, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate size clients. Go to NGTaxSolutions.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium size businesses. Email deborahparker@ deborahparker.va@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back everyone. Today it is all about you and your questions, stories, or challenges during our Ask Bernadette episode. And we do have two great, very kind of, um, deep questions being asked. And so I want to really provide context, and then I want to make sure that we dive into both questions and provide you with many tips and strategies and advice that you can use on it. The first one comes from a woman, an individual. This actually came through LinkedIn to me. And she's basically saying, Bernadette, I'm not a big risk taker. As a matter of fact, I'm just the opposite. But now in my 40s, I feel I need to take a risk and take a job that will have me and my family moving away and going to a place where I don't know anyone. Do you have tips for how I can decide on this without being fearful? This is such a— this is such a common question for me.— or to me, I should say. It is one that— excuse me— it is one that is kind of embedded in a lot of us, if not all of us. Of course, it stems from fear. And fear, you know, my acronym for fear, or the one I share— it's not mine, I did not create it— but is False Evidence Appearing Real. So if you want to notate that, put FEAR in capital letters, False Evidence Appearing Real. And taking risks is all about that. It's all embodying whether you have courage or you have fear toward doing something, taking action on something, especially action that is, in this case, opposite of who or what you typically do or how you typically act or behave. Yet if you are always playing it safe, then you never find those opportunities and you never live those adventures and live those experiences that kind of— you actually, you may want to, but more so ones that will enrich you and further create the person that you are meant to be. So it is very common, and especially since I do majority leadership coaching, I'll get this when it— and this is a common question, especially when it's about uprooting a family and taking a new job, or maybe they're getting transferred and a new assignment, and all of a sudden they're having to kind of pick up and move to a strange place, to a strange company or headquarters or a different business unit, and then of course different employees and a different culture. So many things that can cause someone to feel paralyzed. And then you add to it, and these are all elements of her, her question, then you add to it that you're in your 40s and you're not 20 anymore when you're bold and courageous to take on anything, and you don't think through a lot when you're that young. You don't, you know, put the pros and cons and the pluses and minuses, and you know, you don't have the family, friends, children, pets, whatever the case might be. So it adds a level of fear, quite honestly, to to it. And this individual simply wants to be able to make this decision without feeling all that junk, without all those bitches of, you know, fears, lack of confidence, lack of courage to come up in her decision-making. So all I can say simply is kudos to you, kudos to you for recognizing and acknowledging the fear that's there, because so many of us just don't make that decision or don't take that risk. They just kind of want to stay comfortable and they put it aside and they're not willing to even confront it, and they don't express it as that they're scared. And that's basically, you know, what you're feeling is just you're feeling scared about making these changes and the unknown and the what-if type of thing. So just don't focus on the fear. Put that aside, you know. And if you wrote down fear with false evidence appearing real, just focus on that. Focus on those words. And we're going to talk about words later. False evidence appearing real. That's what fear is. It's kind of that, that, you know, that scared emotion. Yet majority of the time— I'm not saying always, but majority of the time— when you look back at that situation, 5 minutes, a week, a year, 10 years from now, you all of a sudden recognize going, "Well, that wasn't as bad as I thought. That wasn't as scary as I thought. I did pretty well," whatever the case might be. So don't focus on it, put it aside. And of course, I'm a coach, this is what I do, I'm going to have you kind of digging deep and really kind of getting into you and into your internal, you know, feelings and emotions and thought processes and beliefs and your values in order to understand kind of where this fear is coming from. But more importantly, trying to prove that evidence to be wrong, that you have all the— all the tools that you need to make this decision and take this risk should you find that it is something that's going to kind of COVID the positive side, the pro side, the plus side of your analysis. So I want you to focus on what is it about the risk that's creating that fear. Now I told you to put that fear aside, but I want you to at least acknowledge and write down on a piece of paper all the things that are causing that so you at least have that there and you can address each one of those things. So you might be putting the fact that you are going to take your kids out of their school or away from their friends. Okay, that's on the left side of your journal. The right side, we're going to determine and define actions you could take to minimize that fear or that situation. So what is it that is creating that fear within you? And exhaust your page, meaning fill it. If it's one thing, fine. If it's 100 things, that's okay. There's no right or wrong and there's no one looking over your shoulder. This is purely for yourself. So take a couple of minutes to do that. Don't take a lot of time because then you're just going to start creating stuff. I often talk about the fact that truth sits on the surface. And what I mean by that is I often will have my, my clients just take 1 minute to address a difficult situation or answer a difficult question or to do this type of assessment. I give them 1 minute, maybe 3 minutes, but that's all because I don't want them to start just creating stuff that actually isn't there. And that goes back to false evidence appearing real. We often create things because we think that, well, if I draw the worst conclusion of this situation now, then I'll be able to confront it later. And so it's like playing devil's advocate. I lived this way for 20, 25 years. I always, always went to the worst thing that could ever happen, and yet anytime I would look back on, on a situation, and there was a lot, I would realize that, oh my gosh, nothing near that worst-case scenario ever, ever happened. And yet I was creating all this drama for myself. So I want you to, though, to acknowledge what is scaring you, um, and recognize that, you know, on the right side of the page you'll have solutions to addressing those things, and I want, you know, you also just to kind of be okay with the fact that there's certain things about this risk that has you questioning yourself or has you doubting it or has you assessing it, because that's what you're doing. Now, putting that aside, I want you to focus on what is it about this opportunity— in this case for this woman, it's a job that's causing her to uproot herself. What is it about it that you are willing to take the risk on? So what are the good things, the benefits, the exciting, the adventurous things that are getting you excited about taking the risk on? Make that list and exhaust that, whether it's one thing or 100 things. And feel the energy, feel the shift in yourself from that first set of emotions you put down, which were based on, you know, that fear of taking the risk, to now the excitement of taking that risk. And feel the shift of within yourself when you start thinking positive and start thinking about all the good things and all the benefits about it. And, and really think through what is it about it that gets you excited. Meeting new people is exciting. Going to new places is exciting. Moving into a new home is exciting if you choose to want to look at it that way. And that's what we're trying to do is to shift your mindset and your beliefs from a place of that false evidence appearing real over to the positive, exciting place— that, in most cases, will turn out to be. Not to say people aren't disappointed when they do take a risk, you know, that looked exciting and turned out to be a bust. Not to say that that wouldn't happen, but the chances get lowered when you actually evaluate all these different things. And then I want you to really think about why is it important to you to pursue this risk? Because it may be different than your— the benefits of it. Oh, meeting new friends. Well, that's great, but why is that important to you? So that's the next question I want you to ask yourself, because that gets into a whole different center of your heart, so to speak. It's important to you maybe because you've been feeling kind of empty and lonely even amongst your close friends and family where you are currently. But, you know, you're— you have felt a void, you felt something missing, and therefore it's important for you to take this in order to, to rectify that. It also just could be because of the fact that you want to take a risk, you want to, you know, get out of your norm, you want to get out of your comfort zone. It's important to you to do this to prove to yourself or prove to your kids or whatever the case might be. But ask yourself, why is it important for me to pursue this risk? And then what I want you to do, and this is fun, and you can do it in multiple ways, but I want you to think about what your world will look like once you do it, once you've taken that chance. Based on why you're excited about it and based on those things that are going to be different or going to be changed as a result. I want you to be thinking about what will your world look like when you've done that. Say you're 1 month in, 6 months in, a year into having made that move in this case and taken that that risk? What does your world look like? Now I said you could do this in multiple ways because some people might just want to write that out, but some people love to do vision boards and/or just scribble. I'm a visual person, so I don't— I mean, I do vision boards. I don't do them frequently. I normally do one at the beginning of the year and that kind of stands firm for the year. But I will scribble. I will kind of just use— what do they call those things? Penciled, lined people. I'm not sure what that term is I'm looking for. But stick people, that's what I'm looking for, stick people. But picture it for yourself, whether you are someone who likes to write it down and/or visualize it. Picture it and tangibilize it. Is that a word? Make it tangible, meaning get it out of your head. All of this has to be out of your head. That fear is lingering because you are allowing it to swirl around in your head. I need you to get it out of your head and put it on a piece of paper. It's— trust me when I say that'll be transformative for you, and it'll bring you almost like a, a sigh of relief that you've gotten off your chest. You know, that you've purged all of that junk that was swirling around your mind. And I want you to— I want you to, when you're visualizing the new world, I want you to also include all those other elements or all those other factors. So it could be your kids, your spouse, husband, partner. It could be your family. It could be your community, whatever the case might be. Visualize the world in its totality and see what that looks like for you, you know, whether it is a month, a year, 5 years from now. And hopefully those questions are getting you excited about this decision as opposed to thinking about the false evidence appearing real. I don't even want to use the term. I'd rather you just focusing on the fact that yes, it is false evidence appearing real because on the right side of the column, so to speak, all of those things are getting me excited or are going to enrich my life, enrich my family, enrich my bank account, advance my career, get me to my final goal, whatever that might be. I'm hoping that all of those questions really allow you to, to go from where you might feel stuck to where you're moving into feeling excited about it. All right, so once you've done that, I want you to get more immediate. In this case, for this woman, she has an immediate need to make a, make a decision about this move. And getting past her false evidence appearing real. So what are the 3 things you could be doing right now to get to the point of that decision? And if you're already at the decision, then what do you— what can you be doing to get to the, to the next step of putting that decision, you know, in motion? But right now, this particular individual is— I won't say stuck— is at a place of needing to get to that decision. So what could you be doing right now to make that decision? Maybe it's conversations with your family, with your spouse, partner, you know, significant other. Maybe it's with your children. Maybe it's with your family. Your boss— maybe you have tons of questions about whether or not this is the right job for you and what the assignment is and the location is. So, you know, that could be one of the first 3 things that you could be doing right now to help you move closer to that decision. Maybe it is to sit down and do that vision board to kind of paint that world of what it's going to look like a year or 5 years from now. Maybe it's to talk to your financial advisor or talk to a lawyer or another professional. But what are those first 3 things you could be doing right now to get you away from sitting in the false evidence that appears real, and I don't want to use the term, and you're shifting into more of the exciting opportunity that sits in front of you. Now, once you've laid out those first 3 things, I want you to prioritize them. Now, it sounds, well, I could do 3 things. Well, no. One is going to be more immediate to you making that decision than the second one, and the second one to the third one. I'd like to— even though I know especially our majority of our audience is women, and I know we are fabulous at multitasking, yet multitasking can also make someone overwhelmed, especially when it comes to something like this where you're taking a risk and having to make a big decision that can not only alter your life but everyone's around you. I don't want you to feel as if you have to do everything at once. And if you're making a decision like this, you know, from a business perspective, you have time. I'm sure you have time. And if you don't have time, that should be the first thing that you ask or do is go back and say, okay, this is a big decision. I'm up— you know, you're asking me to uproot my life for this job. You know, I need some time. And help your boss, your human resources, help them out. By knowing how much time you're going to need. What is it going to take for you to make this decision? How much time? Now, I say they should definitely give you time, and they should, but they're not going to give you forever. So you need to be realistic about that. So maybe that's one of your first 3 things that you're going to do is decide, you know, what it is that you need to do to make this decision and how much time you need, and then talk to the appropriate people to ensure you have that time. Now, if you know you have that time or how much time you have, then back into it as far as, you know, what now do I need to be doing to get to that decision date point? And prioritize 1 to 3. Like I said, yes, you could probably do all 3 at one time. Let's not get overwhelmed. Let's, you know, let's be pragmatic about this. You know, if the number one thing is to go talk to your boss or your HR department or whomever, then do that. Then focus on the second thing. Then focus on the third thing. And then you just continue to add to that list only a maximum of 3 things and continue to always prioritize. And don't try to do multiple things at once when you're making a big decision or taking a big action. That involves risks. Now, then, let's see, what I want you to think about, and this doesn't go back into false evidence appearing real, that fear, but I do want you to be proactively thinking about what are those things that could go wrong, or that could be a misstep in what it is that you're doing. That way you can also, you know, proactively prepare for those things. And it could be things like, you know, well, my movers don't come on time, or, you know, the place where you're moving to isn't ready on time, or the work project, whatever you're doing when you do eventually uproot yourself and move, doesn't get started on time and/or requires you to go earlier. Maybe, you know, it all of a sudden asks you where they gave you a month, they now need you there next week. So think through those things now, even if it's taking 5 minutes, and I literally mean 5 minutes. I don't mean an hour, I don't mean a day, 5 minutes. Again, I don't want you getting in your head. Truth sits on the surface, so I want you to be thinking on the surface, from your heart, from your head. And recognize it quickly and then determine what you would need to do, or yes, what you would need to do in order to fix that wrong or fix that sudden disruption to your plan. And this is all about having a plan. And there's many of you that aren't big on plans and there's many of you that are very anal about plans. Neither one of those approaches is right or wrong. Both of them have benefits and both of them definitely have drawbacks to them. Determine your method of decision-making, in this case risk-taking, and then do the steps, take the steps that you need, and in writing, black and white, in a journal, something that you can refer to. Don't do all of this in your head or you'll continue to swirl in that false evidence appearing real. All right. I'm looking over my notes real quick just to make sure I hit on everything. Risk-taking is a part of living. It's an everyday occurrence, taking risks, whether it's very small little things like, oh, do I go to that new store? That's a little bit, you know, silly, but— or, you know, the big things like, do I take this job? Do I take this job in another state or another country? Do I move? Do I sell my house? Do I buy a house. Risks are part of life. So you being able to have a system, so to speak, a plan for working through any degree of risk will bring you a great deal of comfort and a great deal of relief. So I want you to be— I definitely want you to be thinking about that. Okay. We're going to take a quick break, and when we get back, we're going to get into our next conversation about words matter and the challenge that I have not only for yourself but actually for me as well. And I'll talk about that following the break.

We'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette's book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, North Georgia Tax Solutions, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate-sized clients. Go to ngtaxsolutions.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium-sized businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker.va@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back everyone to our Ask Bernadette episode, and this is where you can bring your story, question, or challenge to the program or to Facebook on Shedding the Bitch or to Twitter, Shedding the Bitch, and get some tips, advice, some strategies, and sometimes, just sometimes, there may be some tough love in all of that. I did notice just a moment ago that the chat room is not working, so for any of you that might have gone out onto chat and wanted to chat with us, please, again, feel free to go to Facebook or Twitter or even come to me directly at BernadetteBoas@SheddingtheBitch.com. With whatever comment or story or challenge you might be having. And/or majority of our questions come through LinkedIn directly to me at Bernadette Boas. I am going to open up the lines though, just in case some of those people wanting to use chat do have a question. And again, please keep your names out of it unless you want to share your names. But I'll just ask if anybody on the lines has a question. Just say Bernadette, I do, and/or we'll close down the lines in about 20 seconds and go back to our questions. Would anyone have a question for me?

Yes.

Okay. Hi.

Hi. Hi, I'm Katie.

Hi, Katie.

Hi.

I am—

How should I put this? I feel like I'm going through a lot of changes, and, um, I'm kind of realizing, um, I guess I'm going through things with people, and I think it's like, you know, when you grow, you outgrow people. And, um, right, say something. I think things are being revealed to me about people, and maybe I've already seen it, but I continued the relationship, and now it's like I, I don't like it. So it's like I have to let them go, and I could be putting my time into more productive things, but for some reason I'm feeling a loss, and I don't— but I'm like, they weren't really good friends anyway, so why am I feeling alone?

Well, well, that— well, first off First off, congratulations on reaching out, um, and, you know, and asking for an action, asking for help. Um, also, um, congratulations on making the changes that you're making, uh, because change is a beautiful thing. If we don't change, we might as well be dead. So we have to change, we have to grow in our lives, and, um, that's a, that's a beautiful thing. And yet at the same time, it could be scary, and it could be, it could create a lot of angst within us.

Yeah.

So congratulations on that as well. Now, outgrowing people— outgrowing people isn't a negative thing. It just means you're growing, and right, so you need to kind of appreciate that much more and much bigger than, than feeling bad about it. Now, that said, I can fully appreciate And this will go to everyone. And I fully— and I'm just going to ask if those individuals— and Katie, this might include you if that's the background noise is coming from your phone.

No, that's not me.

But if you can go on mute. Oh, okay. Okay. So I'm going to just ask anybody to possibly put your phone on mute in case— that's where the noise is coming from. And Katie, do I still have you?

Mm-hmm. Yes.

Okay, I might have put you on mute. Okay, is that you?

Yes. Yes.

Okay, great. All right, so what do you— so why do you feel lost? Well, of course you feel lost because, for a number of reasons, you feel lost because you're walking away from something that was in your life, whether or not you know now that it's not good for you. Um, but, but those people or those places or those situations were part of your life, and letting them go is a loss. And so feeling loss is a feeling of, you know, not only loss, but it could be sadness, it could be pain, it could be emptiness, it could be loneliness. Uh, but that's right. But that said, you allowing yourself to feel those things Well, let me, let me instead ask you a question. Would you say that you would be happier sitting on a couch by yourself without negative negativity around you, without drama around you, without— not abuse, but without demeaning individuals around you— or on a crowded couch with all that drunk swirling around you?

I would—

which one would make you happier?

I would be happier with myself, just in peace, right? But I noticed, right, um, I noticed that, like, say for example, where I'm currently staying at, it's people here and they're usually negative. And I, I had a fear before of living on my own like feeling alone. But I said, well, aren't I alone here? Because I'm not being emotionally, mentally supported. They're just physical bodies, so I'm technically still alone. But just the presence of them, even though it's a negative presence, somehow makes me not feel alone. And I said, I have to, you know, deal with that, right?

Sure. Well, except for the fact that there's millions of other people out there who need roommates or who, you know, right, you know, uh, need, need a place to live, right? So, yeah, um, so if you, so if you decided that, you know, your living situation, you prefer to, to live with others because, you know, you, you feel safer, more secure, plus it's a social community, um, when, when you live with other people, then what you just need to do is to find the type of people you want to be living with and go look for those type of people, right?

I get what you're saying, right? It doesn't have to be negative people, right?

Well, yes, I mean, it shouldn't be negative people. Who wants to be around, around negative people all the time? Um, I'll share with you quickly that— I'll share with you quickly that when I lost, when I lost my job back in 2008, I had a large group of, I'll call them friends/acquaintances. And I used to, you know, throw big parties and I, you know, blah blah blah. And all of a sudden, you know, I was starting to realize that as I was changing, because I lost my job, I was going through my own shedding process, hence the name of the program. And I was wanting to, I was wanting something different and something new. And I wanted to get that negativity and all that drama and all that materialism and whatnot, you know, out of my life. So I chose that I, you know, would prefer to sit on my couch alone than to be surrounded by all of that. It wasn't an easy choice, you know, but it was a choice that I knew was only going to benefit me. Um, so that, you know, so that's where you're getting to. You're getting to where you're— you've outgrown these people and you need to make a decision as to You know, what, what options do you have for the next chapter, which is finding those individuals that are positive, that are, you know, have things in common with you, or maybe bring in new things into your life? Um, and that's where I would start. Okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I'm doing. I realized I have, like, I could, you know, be focusing on business or something, something to really change my life, something to really, you know, using my talents instead of not using my talents. I mean, there's a lot of things I can do with my time and energy versus what I was doing. I think, um, I think mainly it was that a lot of, um, I guess it's a lot of stuff that's being revealed to me that I kind of— I might have been aware of, but I didn't really know. So now it's like really in my face. So it's like, okay, I really need to let you go because they're not my real friends.

Sure.

And so, not that they were negative up front, like in my face. I'm finding out, right, behind the scenes things. So it's like, okay, well, I can't continue. We can't— I can't— I can't front, right? I'm not gonna front, right, and pretend with them anymore, right? Like, I'm not gonna— this is not acceptable.

So, and all you need to do is take the— yeah, and all you need to do is to take that Knowing, take that determination, taking that, take that acknowledgement, and now put it into action as far as where do I go next.

Okay, yeah, all right, my new move.

Awesome. And feel free to, feel free to reach out to me and, and we can even schedule a phone call and I can give you, you know, uh, 30 minutes complimentary to kind of talk through this even further, um, than a couple minutes on a, on the radio. Okay, so feel free to reach out to me.

Sure, thank you.

All right, you have a great—

you have a great day.

Don't leave because we have some great conversation to finish up the hour. And I'm also going to just ask if— um, all right, thanks, Katie.

Thank you.

And I know we have— you're welcome. And I know we had, um, a couple of other people join the program as well, or other callers join the program as well. Is anyone else have a question for a minute or two? All right, so we'll get back into our second question. We're not even going to take a break because one, I love the fact that Katie called in for that information, and definitely we'll make sure to follow up and, and see if there's any additional tips and advice that I could be sharing with her. Our second question is about how words matter. And if anyone knows me, you'll know that I use that a lot in my conversations. I'll say, "Wait a minute, stop. Words matter. Let's, like, think about how you're phrasing things, how you're conveying and communicating things." And one of my favorite quotes is from Norman Vincent Peale. He's a world-renowned author, but very much around personal development and growth. And so his quote and famous statement is, "Change your thoughts and you change the world." Change your thoughts and you change the world. I've learned in the last 10 years everything, everything about who we are, what our life looks like, what our future is going to be, is all about what we say to ourselves, let alone what we say to other people. So I would actually change up his quote a little bit and enrich it to be, "Change your words and you change your world." And I'm sure I'm not the first person to do that, but I just have always felt, and it's been proven to me not only through myself, not only through people like Katie, but even my clients, is you change the words you use within your, you know, within your two ears as well as to other people, and you will, I guarantee you, change your world. So let me give you some background as to why I believe that this is, you know, truthful. If you think about it, you know, how many negative words or negative emotions do you express versus positive? We find it so easy to go to beating ourselves up as opposed to building ourselves up. And that's why I call it, you know, you're either confronting and shedding your bitches or you're creating riches. And that's what all of that is about. So you can either focus on the negative things about yourself or about the world or about whomever, or you can focus on creating the riches and honoring the riches that you have and that the world So it's almost saying like one of those people that look at the glass half empty versus half full, someone who sees the sky blue to sees the sky black. And that's actually what Katie was talking about is, and proving is that, you know, these people that surround her and I've had them in my life and I'm sure you have them in your life, it's because of the words they choose to use to talk to themselves of which then is projected onto everyone around them. And it— and the words that you're choosing to use, especially to yourself, influence every action you take, every behavior you act on, every belief you have, the values you hold true, and they alter everything. They alter all of those riches of confidence and self-worth and power and influence and courage. And they draw— drag them down into being bitches of negativity and low self-worth and fear and not believing in oneself and all those other negative emotions. And we need to change that. We need to alter that. But statistics prove that that's a very hard task. And let me give you an a little bit of statistics just to make you really aware of the reality. And that's according to Compton's Encyclopedia, and because of time I'm not going to go through all this, but the English language contains roughly 500,000 words. The average person uses about 2,000 words. Their vocabulary makes up about 2,000 words or 0.5% of that entire 500,000. Now of those 500,000, 3,000 words are used to describe emotions. Okay, 3,000 words of the 500,000 are used to describe how you're feeling. Two-thirds of that 3,000— now I'm no mathematician, but I'm going to say that that's 2,000 words— two-thirds of the 3,000 are used to explain to express negative emotions. So we're using 2,000 words of the 3,000 we might hold in our vocabulary to describe negative emotions. How sad is that? How sad is that? We need to change that, and when you change that, you're going to change your world. So what I— and I have a lot more to talk about, but actually this will give us an opportunity with a challenge for even next week. So what I thought about is I can give you in the next couple of minutes, I'll give you examples of what I mean when I say that words matter and what are those words. Well, those words are things like, "I try," or, "I'm going to try," versus saying, "I will." How do you know, just feel both of those variations of words. Yeah, I try. I'll try, versus saying I will do it, I will become, I will be. You know, the difference, the shift that happens when you stop using try and you say will. The same with I have, or I'm sorry, I have to. I have to take my mother to the doctor's. I have to stay late at work. I have to skip my vacation because I have to work. I have to be at the office. Versus saying, I get the opportunity to take my mother to the doctor's, and I feel so blessed that she's still with me. I feel so blessed that she's healthy. I feel grateful that I get this time with her. I have to, you know, go to work. I have to go into the office. I have to, you know, stop my vacation. Versus I get to go in an office and have a job that I really like, that pays me well, that allows me to eat, that, you know, put a roof over my head that, you know, allows me to go on those vacations because I chose to stop my vacation and go back to work because they need me. I chose to not do something because it wasn't in my best interest. Katie, I choose to I want to leave this environment and this group of people that surround me because I want something better, more positive, more productive, more joyful. It's a difference between, you know, playing the victim and being negative versus playing the victor and being positive and affirming all the things that you want in life versus all the junk that you might have in your life. The we versus I is a big one, and this is the last one I'm going to give, and then I want to get into talking about the challenge before we run out of time. We versus I. Now there's a time for we when you're in a group, when you're acknowledging a group, when you're congratulating a group, when you're needing to support a group. We is appropriate. But many of us will use we instead of I because they don't want to take that ownership. They don't want to take that responsibility. They don't want to take that accountability. And so they water it down and deflect by using we. So in the last minute that we have, I want to talk to you about this challenge. And next week we're going to turn the whole, whole episode next week into talking about words matter. So what I want you to do over the next 7 days before next Tuesday, I want you to pay attention to how you're speaking to yourself and to other people, and I want you to make note of those words. I want you to make note of when you're beating yourself up, when you're, you know, talking to yourself joyfully, when you're feeling angry, when you're feeling lonely, when you're feeling painful, when you're feeling when you're feeling confident, when you're feeling joyful. And I want you to make a note of all of those things. And I even want you to shift them. I want you to, when you're feeling pain, feel joy. When you're feeling tired, say I'm feeling excited and anxious and adventurous and ready to go. Not anxious, take that out of there, I apologize. I want you to kind of flip them. And I want you to make note of all those. I want you to send them to me directly to BernadetteBoas@sheddingthebitch.com. I will not share your name. I will not share the content. I just want you to do it, acknowledge it, and to send it to me. And those that do will get a free copy of my book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business. And you can learn about my journey and how I've made these shifts. Katie, it would help you tremendously in how to move away from so-called junk that is, you know, kind of you're living with. So do that and then come back next week, noon Eastern time. We're going to keep talking even if the, with the statement that the show's turning off. And come back next Tuesday at noon Eastern time and we're going to have a whole episode on this conversation about words matter. And any of you who want to call in again and, and continue any of your questions or conversations, feel free to do so next Tuesday at noon Eastern time. So I apologize for not getting into that fully yet. I'm excited and I'm thankful that Katie called in with her, with her situation, and I hope I was able to shed some light on it. And I'd be more than happy to shed even more light, Katie, if you want to reach out to me. Bernadette Boas at sheddingthebitch.com. Thanks everybody for a great discussion and conversation, and I'll look forward to having you right back here next Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Take care everybody.

Thank you for listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. Join Bernadette every Tuesday at noon Eastern as she helps you shift your bitches to riches, and the dialogue is always going on at sheddingthebitch.com. See you next week.