Ask Me Anything with Bernadette Boas

Are you ready to create riches in your work and life? It's time for Shedding the Bitch Radio and TV, where you can discuss, debate, and get advice on how to discover and shed the bitches of fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negativity so you can realize your dreams and life purpose and create and accelerate the riches in life you deserve. So let's welcome your ball of fire host, Bernadette Boas.

Good digga digga day everyone! How are you on this fabulous Tuesday? It is Shedding the Bitch Radio. Yes, I am Bernadette Boas and I'm so excited because this is Ask Me Anything, uh, episode. And what that means is the first Tuesday of every month, um, any question or challenge or story you might have been bringing me throughout the month. I bring them right here onto the program. At the same time, you have an opportunity to also call in live. I'm live at 1-818-572-2910 and talk to me directly because I'm watching that panel, I'm watching, um, our StreamYard panel and our comments. Um, I also want to note too, we are broadcasting live into Facebook and into our Shed the Bitch TV channel on YouTube. Now, I was, uh, made aware that Facebook and StreamYard, where I am streaming from, could have some connectivity issues. Hopefully not, but if so, then I posted on our Facebook page to jump over into YouTube. And should you have any questions or comments or anything that you want to make sure that we pay attention to, then you can always do it there. All right. So, ask me anything. Before we get there, I did just recall, before we get there, let me definitely thank our new and our ongoing longtime listeners and viewers. The longtime-ers have been sharing and liking and tweeting, rating, reviewing, making comments. You are giving us suggestions on experts and topics. That you want us to be covering. And, and the likes and the shares are what is getting the attention of all of our new viewers and listeners across the board, whether it's on BlogTalkRadio or any one of your streaming services such as Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, or any of the others, as well as on Shedding the Bitch TV on YouTube and Shedding the Bitch on Facebook. So we— I want to thank those longtime listeners and viewers and and welcome the new viewers. And should you have any questions or comments that, you know, throughout all of our episodes, then be sure to reach out to us at mediarelations@balloffiremedia.com. I also have to thank our longtime sponsor, North Georgia Tax Solutions. Debbie Snelling and her team do a fabulous job providing full-service financial and tax services to her small to corporate-size clients all over the country, not just North Georgia, all over the country. And she does, and her team do an absolutely fantastic job. She's been part of my team probably for close to a decade now. And if you are ever, ever, ever in need of financial and tax services, needs, then for your small business, your large business, or even your individual, then be sure to reach out to her at ngtaxsolutions.com. Now I'm also very excited to showcase another recent sponsor who's joined our community. Uh, Up Top Roofing of Atlanta is a company here in Atlanta, Georgia, and I've known him also for a good number of years. And the other day he was he's like, Bernadette, I really want to support you and I love what you're doing. He's actually— I had no idea he's actually been listening and getting our newsletters for a number of years now and had no idea. And so he, um, came and said, I want to support what you're doing. So I am so thrilled to welcome Up Top Roofing, um, of Atlanta right here into the Shedding the Bitch community and everything that we do in Ball of Fire, uh, coaching. So thank you to Alvin. He actually goes by Jay, Alvin Johnson of Up Top Roofing, and you can reach him at up-toproofingofatl@yahoo.com. A fabulous, fabulous roofing company and provides a whole slew of resources for you to ensure that your home stays as beautiful as you want it to be. So I'm very excited and proud in regards to that. All right. Let's get into what we want to be talking about today, and that's your questions, your stories, your challenges. So, I'm going to be bebopping. I don't have Deborah or Kate with me today. So, I am going to be bebopping around to make sure that I don't miss anything that you might be wanting to talk to me live. And if you do, 1-818-722-910. If you want to go out onto Facebook or YouTube, be sure, go ahead and do that. And I will be watching for the comments throughout. Okay? Right now we have 3 questions that, well, actually, actually 4. And I will explain the recent, like as of like last night, the recent one. And it is actually more of a personal funny question. And I thought I would include it just you know, to make a, to make our day that much more joyful, at least for me. And then we are going to be talking about 3 others that you have provided. But, again, you still have time and opportunity to, even when we go offline, even when we are done the live broadcast, you can continue posting your questions, stories, or challenges. And I will make sure that I get to, get to you directly. And then what we do is all month long, whether you're posting to Facebook, posting to Twitter, whether you're sending me, which is predominantly where you send me, um, your questions through LinkedIn, a private message, or these questions even come up during, um, the many, um, enrollment calls and my client sessions. And then I asked, you know, permission if that's something that I could be sharing on the radio. So all month long, I'm kind of gathering— Deborah and I are kind of gathering those questions, stories, and challenges and then bringing them right here on the first Tuesday of every month. Because I figured if— and they also agree— that if they have the question or the challenge, most likely someone in our listening and viewing community does as well. So we want to be sure that we're helping and educating and serving as many people as possible with with things that pretty much we all deal with. All right? So today I won't mention the topic of the first question, which is a funny personal, you know, but we will get there in a second. The other, the second question is, I was asked what was the number one thing that keeps me motivated? Someone made a comment to me a couple of weeks ago that with all of, you know, my client roster, all the projects that I have going on, and all the engagement that I have online across our social media platforms, they are like, "You are always very, you know, hyper and energetic and motivating, and you have to have something that kind of keeps you that way when things are not going the way you want them to go." And trust me when I say, I too, you know, have things that keep, you know, things from going the way I want them to go. So, we will talk about that. And then I was asked recently in our Powerhouse Mavericks Facebook group page. Um, I do weekly trainings. If you're not a member of our Powerhouse Mavericks, uh, Facebook group page, uh, go out, look for it, and request to join. But every Thursday at 1 o'clock, I do a Powerhouse Mavericks training on a top, top of mind topic that someone might bring to me. And last week, I believe it was, we had a whole session on enrollment calls. Now, we didn't get an opportunity in our Get Clients 3-day, which we also had a few weeks ago, or this other enrollment call training session. We didn't get a chance to really walk through, you know, all the questions that you would be asking, um, on an enrollment call for you to be able to get clients for those coaches, consultants, and service providers out there, which are a majority of our viewers and listeners. And so, but someone came back to me actually Ruth came back to me a couple weeks ago and said, well, could you at least share like one of the most— the 3 most important questions that before I, you know, get off that call, I ensured that I asked that potential client? So we'll talk about that. And then the last one that I have so far, but I'm going to be watching and looking for any questions that you might be bringing in as well, is How can I find joy in my work when I am absolutely miserable? How many of you might relate to that? How can I find joy in my work when I am absolutely miserable? And this could be that you are working for someone else, or you are even working for yourself, and you are in that place. And we certainly want to get you out of that place. Okay. So, again, if you have a question, story, or challenge as well while we are live, 1-818-572-2910, and I'll keep an eye across the board for any of your questions. Okay, so let's get into the very first one. So I was out and about the other day, and I color my hair. And, you know, I'm 59. I wish I could hold on to my, you know, my own color, but I don't, and that's okay. So I color it. And yet it could be like within hours or a day where all of a sudden there's this— and it— and there's one right there. There's this patch. Oops, which way am I going? There's this patch of hair that almost looks gray, and sometimes it'll look really blonde, um, if I'm out in the sunlight. And this was, I want to say, the night before last, and I had not colored my hair. And it was very obvious. But then, as you can see, I did just color my hair. And it still is there. And they were like, "What is that about?" And so, long story short is I explained, explained to them as well. I had a very traumatic, stressful career and life situation back in my late 20s. I was down in South Florida. And it was, it was such stress brought upon me, and that I put on myself at the same time, that I lost my hair. I lost a whole section of hair. Literally, it fell out. Has anyone ever experienced that before? So, it fell out. And, of course, I had long bleach-blond hair at the time, which the bleach obviously did not help either. But as when, as it was growing back, and until it grew back, I kind of did the side thing. And that was okay. But when it did grow back, it never has had pigment ever since, and it can't hold pigment. So I'm going to have, as I, you know, as I get more seasoned, I will, you know, most likely have a very distinguishable strip of hair that just does not hold color anymore. And I am perfectly fine with it. I am perfectly— because that is what they were asking. I am perfectly fine with it. It does not bother me at all. Although, you know, why waste color? And you would hope that it, you know, it could take, but it does not. So, if you should ever ask— and I have been asked this before. It was not the first time. I had been asked of it before since I do so much on-camera work. All right. So, I just thought I would start with that. And I guess the point I want to also like leave you with in regards to that is there is nothing better than getting a point, getting to a point in your life where all of those vanity aspects of life disappear, you know, and you are not as vain as you were in your 20s or your 30s or even in your 40s. So, it, there is nothing better than when you get to the point where those type of physical, especially physical things are just not important anymore. They do not make who you are. This does not make who I am. Now, it could become part of my brand as I move forward. We will see. But the fact that it, you know, that it does stand out, people do comment on it, and not always, you know, nice comments. It is just not something I am going to spend my time or waste my time worried about. And caring about. So, I hope that you would get to that point as well in any aspect of your life where you are very concerned about how other people perceive you, judge you, compliment you, or think about you. That is what I would leave you with, with that little brief story. All right. So, the next one would be, what is the number one thing that keeps me motivated? And number one is pretty tough. You know, have you ever, you know, tried to answer that type of question? What is the number one thing of anything? And it is kind of like, well, wait a minute, there is not always just number, you know, one. There are so many. But I will lump my number one thing, I will lump a lot of things into my number one thing that keeps me motivated. And it would have to be my faith. Call it religion. Call it spirituality. Call it whatever you want to. For me, it is my faith. It is my deep belief that there is a God and there is someone bigger and more powerful than me and even the universe, that it has guided me throughout my, my life. And fortunately, I've had many experiences and proofs, you know, as evidence of his existence— or hers— his existence over my lifetime. So through faith, you know, I use prayer, I use meditation, I use affirmations, I I use my journaling to, to him and, you know, just simply for myself. One other aspect of my faith that keeps me grounded and keeps me motivated and when I need to, but even when I do not need to, when I am in a really good place, I, on a daily basis as part of my morning ritual that I have spoken a lot about within our community. But my morning ritual, I read a passage from Sarah Young's Jesus Calling. So, it's a 365-day daily reading, scripture passage, whatever you might want to call it. And every morning I read the applicable date for, you know, the passage and the reading for that date. And if I fall behind, because I do, then I'll, you know, sit down and take in one or more days of those readings. And they— it's stunning. Have you ever experienced when you need something? It's almost like when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. And that's how I find my faith. Ready or not, but when I am, you know, ready and I am seeking and I simply ask, it's amazing what shows up to help me or guide me or teach me or lead me wherever it is. That He wants me to go. So, I, you know, definitely lean on, lean on my faith. Good times and in bad. Gratitude, thankfulness for the blessings. Certainly on those days that are just calm, cool, and collected, or they are very joyful and exciting and abundant. And then, of course, those days where, you know, it is challenging or struggling or just outright feels impossible. That is what I, that is what I will lean on. Now, I want to address a practical thing that also keeps me motivated, and I would hope would be useful for you as well. Because this has been coming up a lot, even with my clients. Being that it is the first week of a new month, the first week of a new quarter, and of course I'm— anyone who's known me for any amount of time in the Shedding the Bits community, Powerhouse Mavericks community, or Ball of Fire coaching community know I'm a huge, huge planner. I'm a huge proponent of goals and, um, and the SMART goal methodology and time management and productivity efficiencies, those type of things. And the reason why is because when I am not motivated or focused or clear or energetic around something, then all I need to do is go back to the plan that I have that shows me, that is my guide, my roadmap as to what it is I am working on, why I am working on it, and what I need to do next. So, I am a huge, from a practical perspective, I am a huge proponent on any of you making sure that if you do not have a plan, like right now, then just work on having one. And yet, if you have a plan and you're still kind of getting yourself lost or insecure or unsure, come back to your plan and let your plan lead your next steps. Don't let your head lead your next steps. Just look at your plan of what it is that you, you know, set out to do. Why you set out to do it, what the steps were that you defined that you needed to do, and when you needed to do them, and just allow your plan to lead you forward. All right? Okay. So, let me just check across the board. Like I said, I am by myself today. So, let me check across the board, see if there are any questions. I do not see any. All right. So let me move on to, um, the next question about enrollment calls. So again, predominantly the audience in our Shedding the Bitch community are coaches, consultants, and service providers, though I have a big corporate background. So there's corporate professionals out there, and you could actually leverage this these tips as well in your own career. It doesn't matter whether you're in any sort of pre-sales or sales role. If you are looking for a raise or a bonus or a promotion, or you do engage with vendors or partners, even employees, there's always key questions that you should be asking in order to understand, you know, what it is that you're— that you or that other person is looking to achieve. And, um, to ensure that you have the right information in order to then know what needs to be done next. And that's what the importance of really having a structure around an enrollment call— an enrollment call. You can call— some of you might call them discovery calls, strategy calls, they're sales calls. Whatever they are, they're set up to gather as much information around a potential client as you can gather. And it could be a client that you're working to extend your business with. So, you're already doing business with them, but you want to extend your business. So, the, the structure of your, your call should be a series of questions to really uncover what is it that they're dealing with, what is it they're trying to achieve, what's getting in their way, what's working for them, what do they think they need in order to move forward and achieve their goals. And, you know, what are they willing to do, whether that's investing in you or something? What are they willing to do in order for, um, them to finally achieve their goals? All right, so that's the premise of the enrollment calls for any coaches, consultants, or service providers out there. Any of you in professional services, even within corporate, uh, can relate to this. So if the— of, of the laundry list of questions which I use within my own, you know, business and practice, of the laundry list of questions that you could be asking. You do not want to start or get off of a call until you've asked at least these 3, okay? And they would be: what are your goals? What do you— what is it that you want to achieve? So what are your goals? And once you ask the question, you, you kind of go quiet and allow them to share as much as they can in order for you to have a really good understanding of what it is they're trying to achieve. Okay? And again, that one question turns into about 10, 15 other questions that you should be asking. But 3 top, top, top questions would be, "What are your goals?" The next one would be, "What are your challenges? What's preventing you from achieving those goals?" And again, you ask that question, you go quiet, and allow them to kind of identify any and all challenges that they are currently having. Because obviously they have come to you for a reason. And it is not just, it is not just going to be, oh, I have this goal and I want to achieve it and I am doing everything right and I just want somebody to be on the other end to guide me through. I have never come across that in my 12 years or 13 years of practice. It is all, you know, they always have challenges as to the goal that they are trying, they are working on, and the fact that they are either there or not there yet. So, you know, that would be a critical, critical question for you, for you to be asking is, what are the challenges? Now, of course, that again is going to stem off into a number of other questions of which one is going to be, so what is working? What have you tried? But what are your goals? What are your challenges? And the last one would be, what would it be worth to you if you achieved your goals? What would it be worth to you if you got rid of all those challenges, you overcame them, you had what you needed, and you achieved your goals? What would that be worth? Now, why I find this ver— a really important for all of you to understand is it is not just like what are the intangibles. You know, if they responded to you, "Well, it would bring me a lot of joy. It would bring me, you know, security for my— and stability for my family. Of course, it would add to my bank account. I would, you know, be able to create a legacy for my children." Those are all beautiful and wonderful and part of that response.. But what you're looking for is what is the quantifiable worth if you were to achieve your goals. And any and every intangible can be turned into a tangible. All right? So, you want to make sure that, for instance, if they say, "Well, you know, it would allow me to put you know, money in the bank. Great. How much? How much do you think that if you were to be able to achieve your goals, how much, you know, income would you generate? How much revenue would you generate? How much profit would you generate in order to reinvest in your business, for instance? How many— how many— how much savings would it bring you that you could put in the bank for whatever it is that you're, you know, wanting to do? Um, so you definitely want to look at all of the, the aspects of what it is that they're raising to you and help them to quantify it. So, how many hours of the day would you say you would save as a result of X, Y, and Z? All right. So, if you were to save 4 hours a day and you make X, Y, and Z an hour, then would it be fair to say that you have 4 hours, you make $100 an hour, so you're now You know, it would be worth— well, your time right there is worth $400. And therefore, if you're saving that time, that's a $400 savings. Would that be a fair assessment? So you want them to actually, you know, kind of put in their heads a bunch of dollar signs in order for them to then say, or in order for them to then evaluate, all right, well, worth is X. Like, say, okay, say the worth is $100,000 they've come up with, whether that's through generating income, getting an increase in salary because of a new job, whatever the case might be. And then you're, you know, the last question, which I'm not even going to say is the most critical, being the ask, um, but once you get there Well, then you have an idea that if they feel that it is worth $100,000 to them to solve this problem, and your program is $5,000, well, that should make— provide a very clear picture for them that it would be really worth that investment in order for them to get that $100,000 that they want. All right? So, again, there are dozens, if not hundreds, of questions that you could be asking to get down to that ask that you would want in order to gain a new client. But if there was 3 that absolutely, absolutely must be asked for you to get to the point where you can even make the ask, then it would be: what are your goals? What have been the challenges that you have faced? And what is it worth for you to, you know, overcome those challenges so you can achieve your goals? Those would be the 3 most important I would suggest to you. All right. Okay. Let's see. Let me grab a drink of water real fast.

Okay.

So, Julie asked, "How can I find joy in my work that I'm miserable in?" And, oh, do I feel for you. Do I totally understand, you know, this. This, you know, your potential degree of feeling. Because there was a point in time in corporate, but also in the last 12 years since I've been out on my own, where I was so miserable that I did not want to get out of bed. As a matter of fact, in 2019, not '20, but in the spring of 2019, I had worked my way into a place mentally I had worked myself into a place mentally, spiritually, emotionally, financially, and it was not a good place where January came around. And normally, when it comes to a new, you know, year, new month, a new quarter, even a new week, and often we will say, you know, often people will say a new day for me. But I am just always pumped up and amped up and ready to go. You know, and yet January 1st of, I want to say it was 2019, uh, came around and I was just miserable, lost, unsure, doubting everything that I had been doing for a good number of years, both, um, within my business. And within my businesses, it was my coaching and my consulting and my speaking, but it was also then I was, had been branching out into you know, not only writing my book, that was in 2011, but I was writing, adapting it into a screenplay and working on that in 2017 and '18. And yet, there I was January 1st, 2019, and I was just miserable with everything. And I landed up sitting on my couch for 3 months. No, no joke. I, it was not a sitting on my couch, like loathing and, you know, eating bonbons type of thing. It was more of an intentional break that I, you know, said to myself, okay, I am not, my head is not in the right place. This is not working for me. What do I need to do? And I decided that I was going to go quiet so I could kind of like let, we talked about faith earlier. I could kind of like, you know, let him speak to me. Let, you know, ensure that I was listening, ensure that I was paying attention, ensure that I was not deleting it because of all the noise. I just needed to find a quiet place in all aspects of my life. And so, I went quiet. So, I totally appreciate Julie's state of being where she, you know, is miserable in her work. And yet she wants to find joy. So, Julie, what I would say to you is the first place to start wanting, or not even wanting, to find joy in work that you may not be happy with, or a state of life you are not happy with, is through gratitude. So, even though you are miserable about this work, intentionally sit down and think through What is it about the work that you are grateful for? And start making a list. And at first, you are going to feel stuck in even coming up with anything because you are in that state of, you know, feeling miserable and, therefore, nothing, nothing. There is no gleam of light coming through in any way, shape, or form around that work, or around maybe the boss, or around the team, or maybe around your clients, or if it is your own business, around maybe the lack of money coming in the door. Yet, what I would, you know, want you to do is find, find that silver lining, because there is in everything. So, it could be, well, I'm grateful for the experiences that I have gained. I'm grateful for the courage that it took me to go out on my own. I am grateful for the paycheck that I am paid, you know, every week or every 2 weeks if it is, you know, you are working for a company. I am grateful for the fact that I do my best each and every day. I am grateful for that I, you know, show up and I put, you know, my best foot forward despite but leave the despite out, right? So start with looking for all the things that you can be grateful for about the situation, the environment, the, the business, the role, the company that you're in. All right, so first, that would be the first thing that I would do, and I would do that regularly. Like, anytime you start getting in your head and you start feeling defeated, or you start feeling, you know, misery, then go ahead and just kind of stop and go quiet and think, okay, so what am I grateful for around this happening to me? I am grateful for the fact that it is going to teach me something. I am grateful for the fact that it is, you know, proving to me my patience, and my tolerance, and my willingness to overcome. There is always something you can find through gratitude in any, any, any situation. All right? Now, so that would be the first thing. And that would, that in itself could help you start to shift your, at least your mindset. The, the situation around you may not change, but all it will take is for you to make a mindset shift as to what is happening around you so it does not negatively affect you, especially to the point of misery.

Okay?

And then, after that, do ask yourself, you know, what can I do or how can I look at the situation, insert myself in this situation, ensure that this situation is not kind of penetrated. You know, I do not, I do not take it in and internalize it. What are those things practically? We are back to practical. What are those things practically that I can be doing around that? And come up with a, with a list, you know, of things that you could be doing. If it is about maybe a person that you are having to deal with, then figure out how can you make that relationship, make that communication, make that engagement more effective to where maybe it is just a matter of you saying, okay, I am just not going to allow you to You can do what you want, you can say what you want, you can behave in any manner that you want, but it's not going to bother me. Um, you know, if it is more around, you know, you're— you don't have the business that you want, you're not getting the clients, you're working your tail off, you're exhausted, and you're just miserable because nothing is happening, well, that I would also say to you, you know, lay— continue to look at your plan, lay it out Take one step at a time. Small steps, big results. But go back and go back to your plan. Go back to why it is you're doing what you're doing. And that relates to whether you're working on your own or for someone else. If you have a really strong why, regardless of what work environment you're in, if you have a really strong why, I, you know, I want to be able to put food on the table for my children. I want to set a good example for them that I'm not a quitter. I want to build a legacy for, for my children. I want to create, you know, freedom in my life so I can travel. And this work allows me to do that despite— but we are not focused there. All right? So, just find places and ask yourself questions around what can I be doing? What steps can I be taking? As opposed to just living in the misery. Put that aside for, you know, moments. And just think about what can I be doing to shift my perception and how I am, you know, taking in and receiving so then it does not affect me as much as it has currently. All right? So, gratitude and a lot of kind of mindset shift work are going to be, you know, two things. And then the third, I am sorry, the third would be that practical planning, going back to your plan as to you know, what you're doing in your business for somebody else or for yourself. Why? What are your goals toward it? And what are you working on in order to get there? And then that plan should help you to kind of skirt, um, anything else because you keep going back to your why, allowing your why to feed your confidence, your, your attitude, your energy. Your focus, your clarity, and your determination to not let it. Because after that, when all of that is, is then looked at and tried and done, and you're still in that state of misery— am I doing what, you know, what is this work? Is this employer, is this company, is this particular boss or team, you know, is it really going to give me what it is that I want? And if the answer is no, then the next question is, you know, what other opportunities are out there for me? And therefore, consider making a change. But if you don't want to make a change, then you just need to say, okay, I'm not— I don't want to make a change yet. I need this to, to work better for me. And therefore, come up with, you know, strategies and tactics and a mindset that will allow you— that allow that to happen. Okay. All right. Let me, before we, I do not want to miss anybody's questions or comments. And again, if you are just, you know, listening or viewing this, feel free to continue, you know, putting your comments in below. And I will be sure to get them, get them to you, a response directly to you. As well as I would then want to, I would want to, you know, bring them right here onto our next Ask Me Anything episode on shedding the bitch. Okay, all right, but for now, let's just leave it there. I don't see any more comments or questions, and I'll look forward to having you right back here next Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to subscribe to to the show on any one of your podcast streaming services, on Shedding the Bitch YouTube, and then also like and follow us on Facebook and Twitter so you'll get the updates and you'll get the, um, broadcast, even replays of any and all of the episodes as we move forward. And please be sure to leave comments about experts and topics that you think would be great for us to focus on here in the Shedding the Bitch community. All right, and I— then again, I'll look forward to having you right here next Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Take care, everybody.

Thank you for taking part in Shedding the Bitch Radio and TV with Bernadette Boas. We would love to know what your biggest takeaway was. Go to Shedding the Bitch on Facebook or YouTube and leave a comment. You can also subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts and YouTube so you don't miss a single episode of the show. And with With your input, we can help other powerhouse women just like you find the show and decide if it's right for them. Learn more about Bernadette at balloffirecoaching.com. See you next week.