Ask Me Anything with Bernadette Boas

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Hello and welcome to Shedding the Bitch Radio, where you can discuss, debate, and get advice on how to discover and shed the bitches of fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negative mindsets so you can realize your dreams and life purpose and create and accelerate the riches you want in life. Join us here live every Tuesday at noon Eastern and dialogue with us at 818-572-2910. You can also chat with us at BlogTalkRadio.com/Shedding The Bitch, or share your stories on our website at sheddingthebitch.com. Whatever the bitch is that's holding you back from living your life to the fullest, it's not worth giving up the riches in life that you deserve. So call in now and let Bernadette Boas know what's holding you back.

818-572-2910.

Good day, good day, good day everyone! How are you this post-Labor Day weekend, at least for those of us in the United States. But I do welcome all of those around the world. We have a big contingency of folks out of Australia/New Zealand and Asia and other parts of the world as well, especially here in the United States, especially here in Atlanta, Georgia. But wherever you are listening from, I am so happy that you're here. It is Ask Me Anything, or Ask Bernadette. And what I do is on the first Tuesday of every month, I take your stories, questions, or challenges you might be having, actually in any aspect of your life, but I predominantly get a lot of career/job and business questions. But at the same time, I get a number of, um, what I'll call personal, uh, questions, even relationship questions. Today happens to be all about career or business. And actually, they all have a common theme. I just started kind of looking through them, and it really— a lot— all of them come down to knowing what you want in life, knowing what you want from your career or your business. And we're going to get into all of that. But, um, so you know, if this is the first time you're listening to the program, if you want to be involved, if you want and have a question story or challenge that you need addressing, then feel free at any time around the clock throughout the month to post your questions to Facebook, to Twitter, both Shedding the Bitch. You can post to LinkedIn or send me a message. I get a lot of message— direct messages via LinkedIn. And of course, you can always go to sheddingthebitch.com.

Hi everyone, this is Bernadette. It seems as if we had a technical issue, and the rest of the episode was recorded, but it has a slight buzz or static to it, so I hope you can ignore that in order to pick up the great tips and advice that was provided based on the 3 business and career questions that we had. So thanks for your understanding. Enjoy the show.

All right, so we are on to addressing, uh, your questions, stories, and challenges, and like I said Today's questions all seem to have a common theme, and quite honestly, even in— I'll just admit, even in my own, both my coaching, my consulting, and my own shedding and transformation over the last 7 or 8 years, I've realized that life in any aspect of your life really comes down to one or two things. The first is really understanding who you are and what you want. And we talk a lot about that, and it just seems to just sound very repetitive. At the same time, every time I get a story question or challenge from one of you, it all comes down to that. The other thing that it comes down to is not only knowing who you are and what you want, but then how do you communicate that out, literally from the inside out.

How do you communicate with words?

How do you communicate with behavior, with attitude, with mood, whatever the case might be? And that always brings me to quite a pause. I'll call it a pause, a breath, a minute of contemplation because I wish I had known for the first 45, 48 years of my life that It's all about what goes on between your ears, you know, within, not outside. How you respond within to the outside drives everything, but a lot of it starts with really understanding who you are, what you want, what you don't want, and how to go about achieving that. So let's get into the first question, and you'll see— we have 3 questions right now. Though I am watching the board in case any of you want to jump on and you want to ask a question.

Now you can do that by either calling right into the studio, 1-818-572-2910, during our live broadcast.

You can chat with us during the live broadcast by going to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio, scroll down to today's episode and you'll see a chat room there. And/or after the show or after you've listened to the show, should you have your own question, story, or challenge, you can go ahead and post that to Facebook and Twitter, LinkedIn, wherever, and we'll make sure that we get it addressed for you. All right, so our first question is pertaining to a young woman in her early 30s, and she basically wants to know, what should I be focused on when it comes to my career at this point in my— in my life.

I'm concerned I'm not on pace with my goals.

Now, you can ask— you know, and I get this question a lot in a lot of different ways and from a lot of different angles or a lot of different concerns from someone's life. But what I picked out from this, the way she approached this question to me, is I pulled out a few things first. Yes, she's lost focus, or she's at least asking what she should be focused on. And yet I wanted to say kudos to two things that she mentions in this.

She mentions that she has goals.

Cheer, cheer, cheer, everybody should be shouting from the rooftops that she has goals. And she also knows, she actually, she must have a timeline or a due date or an expectation regarding when she wants to achieve goals because she says, "I'm concerned I'm not on pace," which means that she has some barometer that she's using to ensure that she's on track with her goal. So kudos to both of those aspects because that's probably the biggest thing that my work addresses on a day-in, day-out basis. And I don't— it doesn't matter to me if you're an entry-level high school student to college, college to your first job, or you're a very senior, senior leader in business. When it comes to people actually understanding what their goals are, having them written down and actually having them paced, as this young woman expressed. In other terms, it would be that there's a timeline to them, there's a due date, there's an expectation, there's some sort of end state that they've assigned to their goal. Those two things are the biggest things that I, that I work with individuals on, on a day-in, day-out basis. It's simply getting them to articulate in words, in writing, what their goals are and then applying a timeline to it. Now it gets a little bit deeper into that, and I'll just mention SMART goals for now. I won't go into a lot of details on them. You can always go to SheddingTheBitch.com or even BlogTalkRadio.com and go to our radio show, Shedding the Bitch Radio, and Google SMART goals because we have a number of guests and even Ask Bernadette episodes that address SMART goals. So SMART goals is that acronym for S-M-A-R-T, being specific about your goals, having measurements against those goals, ensuring that you know what actions you need to take to achieve those goals, making sure that those goals are relevant, and then P is what this woman is talking to in regards to the pace of her goals, and that is a timeline toward those goals. Because I'm sure many of you have heard that a goal without a due date is just a dream. Or a wish or hope, and none of that is very strategic or very tangible in order for you to achieve them. So again, kudos to her, to this young woman, for knowing what her goals are and knowing what her pace or her timeline is. Now, when it comes to really her wanting to understand what she should be focused on at this point in her life, she didn't give me enough details in regards to where is she, what is her specific job role, what type of industry does she work in, and what level is she at right now. And a lot of that would provide a much deeper understanding simply because at early 30s, she could be an entry-level person because she started a new career or new industry, or she moved to another state. She went to a new employer, or she could be in her early 30s and be a vice president in a company. So not knowing those specifics, but yet she's concerned about her pace, would basically tell me that she is in her early 30s, and the expectation would be that she's probably, by the time she wanted to be in her mid-30s to late 30s, she's at a significant role or position within the company or the role that she has. And I'm assuming she is in a— she works for someone. She's not in her own business because I think she would have said that. So she's just wondering, you know, what she needs to be doing in order to keep pace with her goals. So I would simply say to anyone who is— has goals and is assessing your progress against your goals, or you don't have goals and you're trying to figure out what those goals should be, or say you have all the above and you just simply want to ensure that you're doing the right thing within your career, whether that is working for somebody else or even for yourself, and you want to know, are you on pace, so to speak, to accomplish what you've set out to do within your career? Now, you can do two things when it comes to that. You can go inward and ask yourself a bunch of questions, and we'll talk about that. Or you can go elsewhere, go to other people and talk to them about where they're at, and we'll get into details about that. So first, you should always understand where you're at first. So she's concerned that she's not on pace, so we know she has goals, and that she's questioning whether whether or not she's on pace. So she should first start asking herself, you know, where am I? Where am I against someone else?

So she could be doing some Google searches, some online searching in regards to people in her type of function, her type of job, her type of skill set.

Where are they? What is the typical title? What is the typical salary? What is the typical position within a hierarchy? That her talent, her skill set, her desired career path is sitting at. And what I mean more so to that point is say she's a store manager in a retail company. And like she says, she's in her early 30s. If she was to Google her job title, her job position, the type of companies that are similar to the type of companies that she has, what job openings or what job positions do they have. And granted, you're not going to really understand an age. So early 30s is going to be difficult to assess anywhere because no one's going to tell you what age bracket falls for a particular title or position or function of a business. But you can tell by someone's job description for a particular role as to what type of expectation, roles and responsibilities, skills, qualifications, experience and expertise are they looking for, for that level of which she's at today or which she's looking to go toward. LinkedIn is another great place that I send my clients to, that if you are even looking at your LinkedIn profile and want to know if it matches up to other people within your— within your function, within your industry, within your even desired career path, you could be looking up and Googling or searching in LinkedIn for your job function, your job title maybe, the skills, and assessing, you know, what is your career path or what is your profile in LinkedIn look like compared to others. And/or where are you at, you know, what have you accomplished, what have you achieved, what projects have you been assigned to, what skills do you have, what skills do you not have in relationship— not in comparison, but in relationship to other people. Because these assessments should not be, am I better or worse, am I higher or lower? It's more so where are other people and what are they doing, what am I doing, what do I need to do if I want something new or different from where I am today. So I would be asking this individual to— for her to sit down and assess herself first of, you know, what does she want, where does she expect to be, what does she want to be good at. So if she's in a particular role today and she's wondering if she's on pace or if she's, you know, on track and kind of working toward that goal that she has, well, where does she really want to be?

Is she going toward a set of skills, a set of responsibilities, a set of roles, a set of titles, a set of qualifications that she really wants to be on?

I know a lot of people, especially in their mid-20s to late 20s, they all want to be, you know, big shots. They want to be managers. They want to be directors. They want to be VPs. They want to be leaders, so to speak, expecting that that means that they need to, you know, manage people and they need to have a team. And they don't recognize that some people are not meant to manage and other people are. Some people are meant to be leaders as individual contributors and some are meant to lead a team of people and manage a team of people. And a number of people that I'll even work with will kind of go a different track once they kind of go down that path and they realize what it is that that role or that career path is expecting from them. And that is okay because you might learn that you're not the best individual contributor or you're, you know, you're not really fulfilled being an individual contributor, yet at the same time you're not a really good manager or leader, and therefore you would work best as an individual contributor. So she should first kind of ask herself a lot of questions in regards to that, and then— and they should be current questions and future questions.

And what I mean by that is she should be asking herself things about today.

Where is she at today? Where is she expected to be? Where does she want to be? And what does she need to do if there's a gap there? But she also needs to be looking at, okay, in the future, what goals, what skills, what talents, expertise, education do I need to have in order to get further down my career path? Maybe not 5, 10 years— well, maybe not 8, 10 years, maybe 5 years. And am I on track, and am I setting myself up to be able to accomplish and address those things, to keep pace, as she— her words are, to keep pace with her goals? Now, the other thing I strongly suggest people to do— and this is where most fall short— is they're so kind of in their head and looking down and in their job and the task at hand, they never kind of look up and realize that there's a lot of people around them that could also be providing them a lot of guidance and a lot of information regarding whether or not they have the right goals and they're working at the right pace or they're working at the right means to accomplishing those goals.

So, go elsewhere to talk to people.

And what I mean by that is that you may not necessarily have a mentor or sponsor or an advocate, and we could talk about that another time, but there's a lot of other people that could provide you information, even assessments in regards to where you're at today. What are your strengths? What are your areas of improvement? What are your— you know, what should your expectations be in regards to skills that will be needed? Qualifications, education, talents do I need to have in order to get to the next level or the next level after that? You could be asking them about, okay, well, I'm trying to get an idea if this is even the path that I want. And again, this doesn't matter if you're in your early 20s, early 30s, early 60s. You always want to be kind of assessing if you're going the path that you want to be going and/or you're going to— want it once you get there. For example, on that point is a lot of people start working at something only to realize that they don't want it. I'm not talking manager to individual contributor. I'm talking— I've known a number of entrepreneurs who went toward a type of business that they wanted to start for themselves because it was trendy, because it was making a lot of money, because it was a passion of theirs, a hobby or something that they've loved since childhood, and they landed up spending a lot of time, money, and effort pursuing it only to realize that they don't want it. And they've, you know, and it's caused them to lose interest in it even as a hobby or a passion that they had for themselves. A number of writers find that, that they think they want to be a writer and they go off and they give up their job or they make a a lot of sacrifices around their job. They go off to want to be a writer and they may realize that that lifestyle, that lack of— not lack of, but that lifestyle of a writer and the effort that it takes to be a writer, especially a paying writer, is not— it really doesn't give them the creativity and the joy on a full-time basis that they had when they were just doing it part-time. Even I've had to assess that for myself over the last 5 or 6 years as I started moving into doing a lot more writing. Is that something I really want to be doing full-time versus doing it from a hobby, passion, part-time perspective and continuing to coach and consult and speak and doing the radio and those kind of things? So, just want to ensure that— you and/or this young lady, when it comes to really assessing whether or not you're on pace with your goals and whether or not you're focused on the right things, ask yourself that first and then ask other people around you. And I will end this by saying, and it doesn't have to be just the people in your workplace.

It could also be other people outside your workplace.

In the industry but outside your company. It could be outside the industry but a similar type of role. The beautiful thing about LinkedIn and the group function in LinkedIn is you may not have like one-on-one relationships with the, you know, 500 or some odd individuals that you're connected to on LinkedIn. And many of us who are very active on LinkedIn, we have thousands. Of connections on LinkedIn. We're not necessarily, just like Facebook or Twitter, we're not necessarily best friends with these people and we don't talk to them on a regular basis to the point of having that type of mentoring, coaching type of relationship. However, the group function on LinkedIn and even the messaging function on LinkedIn gives you an opportunity that if there are people in your, LinkedIn connections that are in a similar role or in a role you're pursuing, then you can reach out to them and ask them for advice and thought leadership and ideas regarding anything. And I do that quite a bit. I'll reach out to them regarding subjects or topics or their love and interest in, for instance, writing or in their coaching business or in their consulting business, whatever the case might be. So I would, you know, advise this young lady that if she really wants to know if she's on target and if she's focused on the right thing, ask other people around her if she's focused on the right thing. All right, we're going to take a quick break, and when we get back, we'll continue our conversation and our questions from you in regards to— our next question will be somewhat similar but in a different angle. With a graphic designer.

So we'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette's book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business. Available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors: North Georgia Tax Solutions, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate size clients. Go to ngtaxsolutions.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium size businesses. Email deborahparker@deborahparker.va@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements. Of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back, everyone. We are talking career and business advice today on our Ask Me Anything episode, where we, on the first Tuesday of every month, take your stories, questions, and challenges, whether it has to do with your career, business, or life, And I provide you some advice, some ideas, and some thought leadership, but also maybe some tough love depending upon what it's all about. And hope that you can take that, leverage it in your career, business, or life immediately, and move on to bigger and greater things as opposed to being worried or dragged down with whatever challenge you might be dealing with.

This next question is from a graphic designer who basically asks, "I've lost all focus and drive toward my business, which is a graphic design business for small businesses.

I find it hard to sit at my desk and look for new business. The money I get for all the work is minimal, and my clients are so demanding. I don't know what to do." Well, let's see, how many out there have this type of issue, whether or not you work for your own company or you work for somebody else?

You just get maybe to a point where you're just bored and frustrated and anxious, and/or you just lost your mojo towards something.

And it doesn't necessarily have to do with work. It could be your social, personal life. It could be a relationship, whatever the case might be. But losing focus and drive is never fun. 'cause that just creates being stuck and just being frustrated and stressed and anxious and even maybe depressed or moody, agitated, a number of unfortunately negative bitches that could all of a sudden start, you know, really sabotaging yourself. Now, this individual, she, also mentions the fact that— which are easier to kind of tap in on. She mentions not only the focus and the drive, but also that the money I get for all the work is minimal. And she mentions my clients are so demanding. So she has those kind of this inner— this inner junk kind of holding her back and kind of creating havoc on her. And then she has some external factors being the money that she's getting for the work that she's doing and the clients being very demanding. So she's going to have to kind of address a number of factors here. Some are easier than others, but we're going to start with the external because a lot of times when we address external factors, they all of a sudden shift our internal response to them.

Now, again, keep in mind what we talked about at the top of the hour.

All of these questions today have a common theme: knowing what you want.

So, when it comes to addressing the external factors that she's dealing with, which is money is minimal, clients are demanding, and she's not really interested in looking for new business, to me,—

that all says she really doesn't know what she wants.

And if she does, she's not being true to that. And why do I say that? Well, it really jumped out at me when she said—

when she was talking about the money being minimal.

You get what you ask for, right? And if any of us agree with that statement, with my assessment of that, that you get what you ask for, then she certainly can influence that end result.

If she doesn't like the money that she's getting, then she needs to adjust that money and really know what it is that she wants to be earning.

So it goes down—

back to knowing what you want. Uh, before I get too deep into that, I'll say the same is with her statement about her clients being demanding. Now, do we have a choice whether or not our clients are demanding or not? No, because we can't control, and I would never tell her control, you know, you're going to be able to control your client. However, we do have a choice and we do have control over who we work with. So, that said, there's a number of things that she could be doing right from the start in order to get the money that she wants, which eliminates that issue about the money that she's, you know, getting is minimal, and who we're working with, which would eliminate the client is demanding. Now, some of that will be she could do right up front, and, you know, her decisions are kind of final, so to speak, and I'll get to that in a second.

And some of them are going to be where she takes on a client who doesn't appear demanding at first, but then becomes demanding and she has to—

there's some decision-making that she needs to do there. But I would tell someone who's lost focus and drive that you've lost an understanding of what it is that you're really working toward, what your initial goal or passion was, or what your vision was. And that is where I would start. We're going to start with the external, don't get me wrong, but I would also just get back and grounded on where did you start with what goal you had, or what passion you were pursuing. How did you articulate, and what was your plan around the pricing of your services, and what clients were you going after? So, first go back and start with that. And if it wasn't written down on paper, well, shame on you. There's some of my tough love.

Shame on you.

If it is, then just pull it out and put it in front of you and have no attachment toward it. What I mean by that is, that was your plan yesterday. It might have even been your plan 5 minutes ago, but it doesn't have to be your plan today, right now at this very moment. It always can change. If you're starting to feel like you're losing focus and you're losing drive and you don't want to sit at your desk, and you don't want to be prospecting and selling and looking for new business, then take a look at your original plan and start scratching things out and changing it. If you didn't have a plan, then start writing one down and addressing it, because going back to the external, you can certainly start looking at the money is minimal issue and simply say, and simply start working through, What is that formula that will get you the income that you want? Then, where the clients are concerned, what type of clients, maybe industry, maybe revenue volume. We decided to go after people that were making less than $20,000 a year in their business, whatever the case might be, but whatever that profile of your client you were pursuing, not even just pursuing, but you were saying yes to, maybe that is— that's what needs to change. And that's what you start scribbling out. Now, that's starting with the external, and I find that a number of my clients, not the majority, and we'll get to that in a second, but a number of my clients, if they start working with what they see as external what they see as not being an inner turmoil, inner confidence, inner self-worth issue, then they actually make adjustments faster and they start seeing changes even, you know, or I'll call them shift in their attitude, shifts in their perceptions faster. So let me explain that. Looking at a very kind of non-emotional, non-personal issue like, Okay, so am I charging the right amount of money? You know, that's a matter of going online and comparing your rates to other rates, ensuring that what you're doing and what your deliverable is, the quality of it, if it matches up with someone else and they're charging more, then maybe there's adjustments in your pricing that you need to make. All of a sudden you define this client who— or this client profile who can't support your pricing or can't support your type of work or your type of schedule or whatever you call as demanding, then those are easy, non-emotional, logical adjustments you can start making. Where the quicker shifts come is all of a sudden you say, "Oh, okay, instead of charging $25, I'm going to start charging $50, and instead of going after these clients who want my attention 7 days a week, I'm going to go find these clients that only want my attention during my hours that I define." Then that's where that immediate shift comes in, and all of a sudden they start that focus and that drive start coming back to them. Now it's not going to solve all of it. It's not going to solve the deeper, deeper thing, and that is knowing what you want and committing and finding yourself worthy and valuable to stick with that, in— of which you want. So let me back up even further.

When someone brings up anything that has to do with money, let alone the clients are demanding, but money, it comes to—

it comes down to a self-worth issue or question that they— that they're having with themselves. Am I worth asking for more money? Am I valuable enough to ask for more money? Am I good enough, worthy enough to ask for more money? It's not necessarily as easy as I made it sound at the beginning, saying, oh, if they just look at their prices and make— and make adjustments. They get a faster shift. That was a very broad stroke, although it does work. It's almost like you fake it till you make it. And it does work with clients and with individuals. They look at things very logically, very black and white, very kind of analytical, and they make those changes. They kind of feel and sense immediate shifts. They haven't gotten down to the root of the issue, and that's really where my work comes in, is really helping them say, "Okay, so you made those shifts in both that money and that client, and you're even finding, you know, that you now don't have an issue with even looking for new business because now you feel more comfortable that you're going to be making the money that you deserve and you're going to have the clients that you want, but it may not have addressed whether or not, even though they made those, you know, pencil changes to their plan, whether or not a week, 2 weeks, 2 months, a year down the road, they're not going to go back and have the same issue about focus and drive. Because many people, most people, going back to what I said at the top of the hour, don't know what they want.

Don't know why they want it, and don't feel confident and worthy enough to have it.

So let's dig into that, this a little deeper before we get to our last question, which touches on a similar point. Okay, so she's losing focus and drive toward what it is that she's doing. So one of the first questions I asked her, actually, is, is graphic design what you want to be doing? And she said, "Yes, I love it. I love the creativity. I love the freedom, the flexibility." So she started defining what she loves about it, which gets to what is it that you want. Now, when it comes to, "I find it hard to sit at my desk and look for new business," that's actually two issues.

Sitting at her desk is an issue for her.

As well as looking for new business.

Now, it turns out she works from home, which to many people sounds like a beautiful, wonderful thing, but even I can attest to you, and I've been working from my home for, ooh, gosh, a good 20-some-odd years, and a majority of that was with corporate, and it just so happened that I worked out of my house.

Well, I found after I left corporate and I started out on my own, as this young lady has, that I'm actually much better when I'm with someone else, when I'm actually in an environment elsewhere outside of my home office. I am actually better if I have that energy of people, even if I'm not talking to anybody, even if someone's not across the desk from me, but I have a membership to a shared workspace, an office.

That I can go in when I care to.

A lot of times I do. I broadcast my show there. I work with clients there, whatever the case might be. I find that that's a much better situation for me because I do have this issue as well, finding it hard to sit at my desk. But she also, she doesn't feel that she can afford that right now, and she is at home in her own space. I simply suggested to her, then go out and go to Starbucks, go to Caribou Coffee, go to Panera's, go to your local wherever, and work there. Even if, again, you're not talking to anyone, if you need that energy around you, you need to get out of your reclusiveness of your home office, then do it. And that can eliminate a lot of this lack of focus and drive.

But the second point to this is her looking for new business.

And again, this is sales. Looking for new business is sales. It's prospecting. It's cold calling possibly. And a good number of people, including myself, mind you, don't enjoy it. And yet it's the critical aspect of whether or not you want to eat. If you have your own business. But I find, and I found this for myself as well and a number of my clients, if not all of them, I find that the minute you really get back to knowing what you want and you get back to really having the plan and the goal and the structure around what it is that you want to achieve, in this individual's case, it's— if she wants to make sure that she's earning and deserving and worthy of asking for the money that she wants for her services, and then she really sticks to that client profile that she really wants to work with, and she says no to those clients that she finds out are demanding or aren't the type of clients that she— that she wants to work with, and she says no to them, regardless of the paycheck they're willing to give her, then I find that individuals don't have a problem presenting and pitching and prospecting for themselves, which is a really key factor in even this individual's lack of focus and drive.

So, if—

again, if she can start with the external and really kind of make those changes to the money that she's looking for and the clients that she wants to be working with, and then go internal to say, "Okay, am I comfortable? Am I confident? Do I feel myself worthy of asking for that money and saying no to a client profile that I don't want to work with?" Then, if she can get to both of those areas, then sitting at her desk and looking for new business will not be an issue. Make sense? So that is what I would suggest to this, or I suggested to this individual, is to kind of start external if that's— and that is for a lot of people, and in this case for her, a quick way to make a shift. It won't take care of all of it because again, if she doesn't take care of the internal junk, those internal bitches, those internal riches, and really stays true to what it is that she wants and what gets her passionate and gets her excited about the work that she does and the people that she helps and the money that she's earning, then she'll find herself back where she is currently even after those small shifts she makes because you have to stay true to yourself. You have to stay true to what gets you excited and what you believe and know you're worth if you want it to stick, if you don't want to find yourself back in the same position that she's at in this case right now.

So that will take care of her.

Now, this last question— and we're not even going to take a break because I want to make sure we can get to this last question. Came at a breakfast meeting actually that I had. And he is a well— what will I say? I don't want to call it mature. And when I say mature, I'm not even talking age. I'm talking expertise and where he's at in his career and in the particular role that he's in. But he's bored. He's bored and underutilized. And is basically the issue that he's looking to address for himself. So he's mentioned to me, I've interviewed for a job in a new group within the same company, and then all of a sudden— and he's very interested in that and he got very excited about what that new job role, responsibility, skill set would be, even the fact that it's a whole new group. He's been pretty much with the same group for a good decade or so in the same company.

He doesn't necessarily need to leave the company, though if that opportunity came up, he would definitely want to be able to consider it at this stage in his career.

But the crux here was the fact that not only is he bored and underutilized in the role that he's in at his job, he's excited about this new job in a new group. Then his boss, who happens to be new, his current boss, who happens to be new, comes to him and expresses the fact that he is— this individual I was talking to, this client I was talking to—

he's the key to his boss's success.

So his boss basically came to him and said, "Look, you know, I realize that in order for me to be successful in doing X, Y, and Z, I'm going to need to really leverage you and your skill set and your experience." and you're a vital part of my success, was basically what he told him. Now, it didn't kind of— it wasn't backed up with anything. It wasn't backed up with, therefore, I want to put you in this new job and this new role with this new set of responsibilities, this new salary, this new promotion, raise. You know, it basically ended with, you know, just this comment.

That, you know, he's vital to his success and pretty much left it at that.

So he was struggling. The reason why we had this breakfast meeting is he was struggling with the fact that he likes that idea. He likes the fact that this new boss of his is recognizing his value, his worth, his importance to that manager's success. At the same time, though, He's also looking at this new group, this new job, this new set of role and responsibility that he's interviewed for, and he's not sure what to do about it. Now it's great, I told him immediately that it's great that his current boss is seeing him to be of value.

Because now he's in the driver's seat.

This client I was speaking to, he's in the driver's seat. He's needed and he's important, and I would even say he's critical to this individual's success. And therefore, if he is bored and feels underutilized, then he's in a position to define exactly what he wants to be doing, and in such a way that will both advance his own goals and objectives, but also his bosses. And his boss made it very clear that in order for him to be successful, he needs him. So he had asked me as part of this conversation, I was going to be presenting even before this conversation, I was going to be presenting to him a number of ideas and strategies that I thought would definitely advance what it is that we're doing as a group and how we can support our client, which is an internal company client, and therefore how that could help both himself and his boss. He said, "Should I do that?" And I said, "Absolutely." I said, "I tell people all the time." And where a lot of people don't— I don't want to say take advantage. What they fall short in doing in their jobs is they're so heads down in completing their task at hand.

That they don't look strategic. They don't look visionary.

They don't look innovative in going and leveraging the fact that they probably, being that they're in the crux of the role and the job and the company on a day-in, day-out basis, they rarely go to their bosses and say, hey, look, I have some ideas. I have some thoughts. I have some recommendations. I have some criticisms. I have some perceptions and views of what's going on that I think could advance and help our cause. They rarely do that. They think, oh, they're not going to listen to me. They think, oh, well, I'm just going to be looked at as a brown-noser, or I'm not smart enough, or I'm not capable enough to be able to make those type of suggestions.

They don't want to hear it, so forth and so on.

And yet I tell people all the time, do it. You know, your job is to be the eyes and ears for your team and for your leaders and for your company, and they want to hear from you. Now, there could be bosses that are like, "Oh, go home. Go back to your, you know, cubicle and mind your own business." But if anybody's a true leader, they're going to want your— they're going to want your feet and ears and eyes on the street helping them to recognize what opportunities there are in your company.

So yes, he's— that regardless of this new job opportunity or his boss saying he's vital and critical to the business, he should have been doing—

he should do that anyway. He should— if he has ideas, if he has observations, if he has thoughts on how to make the team, how to make the company better, then it's his role and responsibility to do that. And too many of us just don't see that that's a role and responsibility of ours. We just think that we have to show up, do our job, take the paycheck, and go home. Well, it's not. Not if you really want to be a contributor and a real leader.

Our job, your job, is to actually contribute and actually provide that guidance and that leadership.

So I told him, yes, do that, and granted, I said to him, doing that, And with what he just told you, you're in even a better position to kind of outline and define what it is that you want your role and position to be. And even if there's a promotion, a raise, a job title change, you know, whatever the case might be, you know, you're in a beautiful position to be able to do that. Now, separately from that, I said you should also— talk with him about the fact that you have felt bored and underutilized, and that's why you're making these recommendations and these— this kind of business case for a promotion or a job change, but you're also interviewing in another group. And why I say that is, one, it could be potential leverage that if he does feel you to be critical and yet you're looking elsewhere, that'll send up some red flags to him that he needs to kind of pay attention, you know, to you a little bit closer, because he doesn't want to lose you. Now, I can see the guy all of a sudden saying, well, you're looking for another job, well, you know, screw you, and, you know, I don't need you anymore. You know, so I would definitely, one, be open and transparent and respect him just like he respected you, saying that you, you know, you are important to his cause. You should go to him and say, "Well, I appreciate that. I have felt bored and underutilized, and, you know, I have even looked, you know, and inquired elsewhere within the company just so I find something that is of a more or better fit for me that where I can be utilizing my skills." And then within that, you can have a conversation in regards to, your own job description, a promotion, a raise, whatever the case might be. So, at any time, I would suggest to anybody, there aren't, you know, every day where your boss is coming to you saying how wonderful you are. And yet, that doesn't mean that you can't be going to them and providing business cases or providing testimonials or providing input from your— from your customers, from your teammates, from other bosses or managers of what you're contributing. At the same time, if you are bored, underutilized, if you're going to work, just showing up and just sitting at your desk and muddling through whatever it is that you're responsible for, well, you're not doing anybody a favor. You're not doing yourself and you're not doing the company, and therefore, whether it's engaging your boss to help you find that perfect fit for yourself, or you're going and inquiring on a different job or a different role inside or outside the company, you owe it to everybody. And too many of us just feel that companies don't care, bosses don't care, they just want us to be doing our jobs, and that is really what is unfair.

Fair to everybody.

You know, so go and find out. And the minute, you know, you'll find out the minute you go into your boss, say you're bored, you're underutilized, you're going to leave the company, and they, you know, they say, okay, you know, thank you very much for your time, and they let you out the door. You'll find that out very quickly. But you also might find that they care and that they don't want to be losing you and you are more valuable than they verbally or or even salary promotion-wise demonstrated. And you might find that out as well.

But it's always good to have those conversations and engage your boss in whatever career path plan and, you know, goal and expectation that you have. Okay?

Have a conversation.

It can't hurt in any way, shape, or form. But all three of those questions came down to this, knowing what you want.

And therefore, what I would suggest to anybody listening to this is, you know, take some time. You know, it's the beginning of September, not quite the beginning of another quarter, but— and it's not quite Monday, although it feels like Monday since we had off yesterday for Labor Day. But sit down and just really just think about what is it that you want, what do you not want. What will get you excited to get up in the morning and work as hard as you do, and what is it that's kind of draining you and frustrating you and not making you happy, and start working on bumping up those things that are, you know, making you excited, and get rid of those things that are just causing angst in your life. All right? Your day and your week, your month and your year, your life will be so so much better for it.

All right, that is what we have for today in regards to Ask Me Anything.

I'm looking forward to the next several weeks. We have some great guests coming up. We have Don Vespasian, and we're going to be talking to him about rational living.

And then we're going to talk to Dorothy Coon about 9 ways to respond to mansplanning. Do you all know what mansplanning is?

Then tune in on September 18th is when we'll talk to Dorothy about 9 ways to respond to mansplaining. And then we're going to talk to Chris Stefanik about self-sabotage. And it's a common conversation here on Shedding the Bitch Radio, but it can never be talked too much because there's so many angles to it and so many ways we self-sabotage. And we just need to get over it and really just start focusing on how we actually build ourselves up and not cut ourselves down. So that'll be for the month of September. So I'm very excited. I hope you are too. And again, we do Ask Bernadette all month long on Facebook, Twitter, Shedding the Bitch, through LinkedIn, send me a message directly, and/or sheddingthebitch.com. And if you have a story, question, or challenge that's holding you up, or you just, you know, have a question you need some advice on, then be sure you're getting it addressed. And if I can't help you, I'll get one of our many experts to do so. And be sure that you're always focused on honoring your riches and creating those riches that you deserve in life. So I'll look forward to having you right back here next Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Thanks, everybody.

Thank you for listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. Join Bernadette every Tuesday at noon Eastern as she helps you shift your bitches to riches. And the dialogue is always going on at sheddingthebitch.com. See you next week.

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