Ask Me Anything with Bernadette Boas

Hello and welcome to Shedding the Bitch Radio, where you can discuss, debate, and get advice on how to discover and shed the bitches of fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negative mindsets so you can realize your dreams and life purpose and create and accelerate the riches you want in life. Join us here live every Tuesday at noon Eastern and dialogue with us at 818-572-2910. You can also chat with us at blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitch or share your stories on our website at sheddingthebitch.com. Whatever the bitch is that's holding you back from living your life to the fullest, it's not worth giving up the riches in life that you deserve. So call in now and let Bernadette Boas know what's holding you back.

818-572-2910. Putting the past behind you, how to do it? Peg's inquiring. Make a decision about it. Do you want to put it behind you? Are you not ready yet, are you somewhere in between? All right, make that decision, um, and any, any decision you make is perfectly fine. All right, no one, no one should judge you, and, uh, the only person that you need to kind of answer to is yourself. So be okay with whatever that decision is. Be conscious of that decision, and what I mean by that is, you know, really commit to whatever that decision is. So if you are committed to and conscious of the decision to work on what you need to do to put it in the past, then just own it, commit to it. And even if it gets hard or tough or painful, just commit, keep that commitment to keep pushing through it. If you're not ready for it yet, just be conscious that you're not ready and, and be okay with that decision. If you're somewhere in between, then consciously pay attention to, you know, your beliefs, your emotions, your feelings, because those things will tell you if you're going to kind of move into the action of doing something about it. Okay, so if you're somewhere in between, just make the conscious decision that you're going to kind of dig deep and look at the, the beliefs, the emotions, the feelings you have around that experience, uh, that you're, you're, you're holding on to that you can't put behind you, and then make that empowering decision to do something about it and move into action. Okay. Um, so then we were talking about forgiving yourself. You know, every one of us on this earth, if we've had any type of life, have something that we, you know, would love to redo. You know, we'd love to go back and redo. Um, but at the same time, what we have to, have to acknowledge when it comes to holding on to the past is we can't. There is nothing, nothing, nothing that any of us— no, none of us have superpowers that we can go back and change what happened even a moment ago. Even the screw-ups with this technology, I would love to go back and fix it and, you know, make it seem as if it never happened. I can't. So all I have to do is make a conscious decision of what to do with it. And, you know, so I'm asking you to consider to make that conscious decision that you're going to reconcile it, you're going to work through it, and you're going to then make the decision to put it behind you, acknowledging, acknowledging that you can't do anything about it. All right, so let me pose that in a question so it kind of sticks. Do you believe you can change the past? Can you alter and influence what's already happened to you? Yes or no? You know, can you go back in time and reconfigure whatever that situation is that you're, that you're holding on to and, and have the outcome to be different, maybe better, different, you know, new? Bigger, better? Can you, can you do that? Most likely the answer is no. Now, when it comes to— because we got cut off, so I'm just going to re-mention this quickly— when it comes to your sweet memories, you know, the memories that you want to hold on to, you want to be able to recall, you know, your beliefs and your emotions and your feelings while you were in that moment, all, you know, go for it. You know, you can't change them, and nor would you want to, but you want to kind of bank them in your heart and your mind so you can recall them time and time again, especially when you're struggling with something that you're having a hard time letting go. You want to go back to those memories of those sweet times or those happy times or those smart decisions or those good relationships and productive, loving relationships, whatever the case might be. But when it comes to any part of your past, especially the ones that are hurtful, shameful, embarrassing, Nothing can be done about it. The, um, nothing can be done about it to alter how it happened. What can be done about it is what you do with it. All right, and that's what we want to kind of move into, is, you know, helping you to, uh, reconcile what you— and then realize what you can do with it. But forgive yourself for holding on. Forgive yourself for allowing it to impact or influence anything that you're doing right now. You know, we all, we all have, you know, deserve forgiveness. And now you can make that conscious decision to do something different and to look at it in a different way. Okay, so forgive yourself and then become really aware of that situation, experience, and, um, or encounter. Because oftentimes, especially when it's something from the past, oftentimes we've created a narrative and an image in our mind far greater and far different than what actually happened and/or what the actual outcome was. Okay? So we— you really need to get kind of clear on what really was the situation in very logical black and white without all the drama that's swimming around in your head. So what I would suggest you to do is really take an inventory of that experience and/or number of experiences. You know, put on a piece of paper, um, you know, a column that shows everything that, you know, that happened in your past that you feel like you're holding on to that is no longer serving you. Write them all out. Write them all out. And, you know, and kind of sit with them one by one. Sit with them. But then realistically logically, black and white, kind of walk through what that situation was, what that experience was, what that encounter was, and what the outcome of it was, no matter how easy, hard, humiliating, embarrassing, whatever the case might be. Okay. But then I want you to— it's almost like a third column— I want you to reconcile, kind of, you know, okay, so what's happened sense. I mean, you've survived it, you've overcome it, you've moved on from— well, you've moved on from it, meaning that you've, you know, kind of aren't in that experience any longer, and you've survived, right? You've survived. So really own and, and consider what that actually means and looks like, and then make a new decision of how you want to handle that. And what you can learn from it and what you can reflect on about it. Because every situation, good, bad, or indifferent, there are so many things we can take from them. There are those sweet memories, you know, of what, you know, really brought you joy or a great lesson or a great opportunity. Um, but they can also teach us They can also cause us to reflect and understand their meaning or their purpose. We can also use them and take from them that maybe these experiences are redirecting us, are causing us to kind of move, you know, differently into a different direction or in, you know, with different people, places, things in our lives. But to put, to put your past behind you, all you simply need to do is reconcile what that situation experience was, what, what your beliefs, emotions, and feelings were about it. Forgive yourself for whatever role you played in it. Take from it, because then as you're taking from it, it's losing its power and influence on you. So take from it and recognize the lessons, the teachings, the blessings, the reflections, the opportunities, the redirection, you know, everything that it actually taught you. Because so many of us find ourselves saying, oh gosh, you know, at the time, for instance, me, at the time when I got fired, oh my God, I thought, you know, my whole world came crashing down above me. And it wasn't, you know, long after that when I was like, that was the best thing that ever happened to me. You know, can you, you know, can you draw something from your own experience? You know, that relationship that you lost, and then, you know, a year, 2, 5 years later, you realize, oh my gosh, I'm so glad that relationship didn't work out because I met the man, the woman of my dreams. Or, you know, or, you know, I'm glad I don't have this friendship any longer. I recognize that this friendship that I have no longer, that was really painful for me to separate from. Is actually a blessing in disguise because it wasn't, you know, it wasn't serving me. It was drowning me. It was suffocating me. It was belittling me. And I'm in such a much better place now as a result of, you know, putting it in the past and letting it go. So if you can kind of do that type of work to really look at that past experience or experiences that that you're holding onto that are impacting your life right now and see what actually you were able to take from it and leverage today. Because all those bad experiences, those lessons, that shame, that embarrassment, that humiliation, that hurt, that fear, all has made you who you are today, good, bad, or indifferent, and provides you a great place to then do something different about it, to make changes, to create shifts in your life, um, to do new things, better things, bigger things. And that's what we want to draw from our past, are all those lessons and blessings and teachings and reflections and redirections, and, you know, use them in the current to then navigate what we're dealing with today. Okay, um, and then as you're like writing all this out and you're reflecting on it and really considering it and looking at it logically and in black and white, you know, you can almost like say goodbye to it because you've already, you know, kind of reconciled it. Like I said, as you're, as you're giving it meaning and purpose and value to how it can serve you today, uh, as opposed to how it is negatively impacting you today, then you can, you know, pretty much feel like you're, you know, wiping your— washing your hands of it and put it behind you. So you almost like say goodbye. You can, you know, burn it. You can, you know, throw it in the trash. Do something, you know, kind of physical, um, in regards to it to kind of really, um, embed that you have let it go and put it in the past. Holding on to things from the past, um, apart from those, like I said, sweet memories, um, but holding on to that negative weight of the past is just a burden that you don't deserve to, to carry with you. So really consider working hard at what you can do to look at it very clearly in black and white. But getting it out of your head and onto a piece of paper will have it lose a lot of its energy and power. And then make new decisions about it. Okay, so I effed up. I hurt. I, you know, you know, I, you know, am ashamed of how I behaved or what I did. Forgive yourself and decide what are you going to do differently as a result of that. And trust me when I say that'll allow you to kind of wash your hands of it and put it in your past, okay? Because what you want to do is when you release all of those things you're holding on to from the past in your current— when you release them, imagine the vacancy, the openness that you now have, the space you've now created for new opportunities and new sweet memories and, and changes and new up, you know, new decisions and new friendships and new business ideas and new creativity and new love, new joy in your life. Because if you're full and overflowing with all that junk from the past, there's no space. There's no space for anything else to come in. And, and therefore, because of that, you're going to project no space in to the universe around you, whether that's people, places, or things and opportunities. So they're not going to come visiting, they're not going to even going to come try, because you're just so closed and so full, uh, and there's no vacancy, there's no space for them to, to welcome, be welcomed into your universe, into your world. So open up that space, find, you know, open up that um, um, turn on— let's say turn on that sign from no vacancy to vacancy and allow the universe to bring in new opportunities, better opportunities, and new sweet memories to fill it. Okay, all right. But that goes to Janice's— very similar to Janice's— how do I not have regrets? Um, and so you could look at that someone holding on to the past has regrets about it. But at the same time, you know, regret is even, for me, you know, even heavier and deeper and has, has such a, you know, a bigger impact on you. So let me give you a, for instance, say, you know, say there is something from the past that you're, you're, you're carrying forward. Say, let's use a sweet memory, you know, a sweet memory of the time that you were in love. But then it didn't work out. And therefore everyone moved on, moved on, but yet you're holding on to that sweet memory, that sweet love, which is also kind of preventing anyone from filling that love space, okay? From filling that love space. Now you may not regret being in love, Okay, you may not regret that relationship. So that's why relationships and holding on to the past can be different. So regret— regret is where, you know, again, you wish something happened differently than what, you know, than what had happened. And you're again, once again, trying to influence a change, influence rewriting your past, rewriting that situation, that experience. Because with regret comes, again, heaviness. Heaviness. Uh, here, you, you know, very similar, you want to kind of consider everything that you regret. What do you regret doing, being, saying, feeling, believing in your life? You want to kind of reconcile that, uh, and take that inventory. And then, you know, very similar to that, looking at the past, in the next column you can look at, okay, so what were all the What were all the wonderful things that you can take from it? Those teachings, reflections, blessings, redirections. So very similar. Uh, what are the negative impacts that regret is having on your life today? You know, and you know, again, very similar to looking at it from looking at the past and trying to put it behind you. But here we're also trying to just forgive ourselves for that, having that regret. And not living in regret, not living in that shame, that embarrassment, that humiliation. You know, not only not letting it go, but just not living in it right now in your present. And people will often ask me, you know, what do I do about regret? I don't have any. I definitely feel that regrets and every, every experience and encounter and relationship and, and decision, everything, um, has a purpose and has something to be— to learn from and has something to take from and makes you who you are, makes me who I am. And why would I regret that? Now, I might not be fully happy with myself at any moment in time, but then that's just work I need to do on myself. But why am I going to regret, you know, and hold on to all of those things that led me to where I am today. I'm alive, I'm breathing, I'm talking with you, I'm happy, I'm fulfilled, I'm complete. I still have things I want to work toward, but that's just because, you know, we should— every one of us should— until the moment, you know, that nail's in the coffin, 6 feet under. We should be growing, learning, aspiring. Toward something. So, but regrets are heavy, just like the past. They're heavy, and they create more negativity than even just whatever sweet or hard experience from the past that you're having a hard time letting go. So in that, on that piece of paper, first column, inventory your regrets. Second column, inventory, you know, the, the good, the bad, and the ugly from it. Look at the blessings and the lessons and the reflections and the redirections that you're getting as a result of it. Then look at what impact it's having, and more so negative impact it's having on your current being. And then make it— again, make a decision on what you're going to do with it. What are you going to do about each one of those experiences or encounters or relationships? You know, what are you going to do about it? And how are you going to be different as a result of it? Because everything we're talking about is, is creating transformations, creating shifts, creating changes in our lives. So what are you going to do differently as a result of it? And make that decision and write that decision down so you can go and always reconcile what your new decision is. So if I were to regret being fired, for instance, um, I would write, you know, being fired by my mentor of 12 years. Okay, what did I— was I able to take from it? So, you know, well, I took from it the fact that I was a nasty person. Took me time to discover that. But, you know, I took from it that I discovered I was a nasty person. And that is— talk about humiliation, shameful, embarrassing, you know. Okay, so that was the negative part of it. And then what am I going to do about it? What's my new decision? Well, I don't want to be that person anymore. I don't want to be that bitch anymore. I want to be considered kind and loving and compassionate and engaging and a friend, so forth and so on. And therefore, I can now let that regret go of being fired because I have a new decision. I have a new goal. I have a new ambition. I have a new direction I want to go in. And so I'm gonna let, let that regret— give up that regret because it taught me so much and it gave me so much and it allowed me to, to, you know, consider so much as I move forward. But living with regret or living in the past is not allowing you to move forward. Yes, the time is moving forward, but you're not. And so you need to just find some tools and disciplines to, you know, help you reconcile it for what it was and acknowledge for what it was and what it is and what it's doing to you, and then make decisions about, you know, how, how, um, you can do things differently and be different, new, bigger, and better as a result of it. So once again, you're, you know, kind of first taking its power away by acknowledging it reconciling it, and certainly making a new decision about it. And then you're no longer allowing it to keep you from moving forward because your new decision creates new energy and activity for you to then pursue while that regret or that past is being left behind. Okay. All right. So Janice and Peg, I hope that was helpful. Um, in between our technology issues that we were having. Okay, April wants to know how to become consistent and laser focused. Consistent and laser focused. And I happen to come across a quote from Jim Rohn that really kind of honed in on this, on this question from April. Success is nothing more than a few simple disciplines practiced every day. Success is nothing more than a few simple disciplines practiced every day. And it's true, you know, if you're, if you're feeling as if you're not consistent or you're not laser focused, not to say that we all don't have our days where we get up and we, you know, we haven't had enough coffee or we didn't get enough sleep or there's just too much chaos going on around us, whether that's physically, spiritually, literally. You know, there, there's times that when every one of us deal with something like that, the key is how to allow that interruption to be as short and uninfluential as can be. I don't think that's a word, but there you go. And what I mean by that is you want to acknowledge very quickly that you're in this place of, you know, not being consistent, not being laser-focused, not being energetic, not paying attention. You want to recognize it, and then you want to make decisions about how you're going to move on from it. And there's a common theme that you should be gathering from this, and our next question about how to eliminate procrastination is going to sound very similar as well. Although it's different than being consistent and laser-focused. It's almost like the consistent and laser-focused is the end outcome you want from being, you know, from procrastinating. But the common theme is the fact that we all have a choice as to how we are living in our being each and every moment. Every minute moment of life that we have is a choice, a decision we could be making about how we live it. So as far as being consistent and laser-focused, one, you know, be okay with the fact that you are consistent— inconsistent and you're not very focused, but acknowledge and recognize it very quickly. Okay. So first, let's get down to some mechanics first, though. Going back to Jim Rohn statement about, you know, a few simple disciplines practiced every day can help you. Um, so I'll get to the mechanics and then I'll get to the mindset. So the mechanics would be, uh, I would hope that you have your goals defined, and if you don't, that's perfectly fine. Go get your goals, because goals are targets, right? It's almost like, you know, if you put a bullseye up on, on the wall, you know, that's what you're aiming for. So that's what your goals are, is what are you aiming for. And therefore, those goals, especially defined in a certain way, are going to give you that clarity, that purpose, that energy, and that consistency that you're looking for. So be sure to have your goals. Now, you probably hear goals without timelines are just wishes. So you need to have your goals with your deadlines or timelines. When do you want to achieve that goal? Because again, think about it. If, if you didn't, if you had a goal but without any real urgency put around it, which is your timeline or deadline, then yeah, you may not be, you know, laser focused on pursuing that goal because you know what, I have all the time in the world. I didn't give myself a boundary. I didn't give myself a framework. I didn't give myself a structure to, to, to work in.. So you need to ensure that your goals have your deadlines assigned to them because that should, you know, first initially create almost that, you know, urgency of what it is that you need to be doing each and every day in order to achieve them. Okay. Um, but yet people have goals, people have deadlines, people have the SMART methodology of the specifics and the measurements and the actions and the relevancy or realistic is what I look at. And the timelines, they have all of that and yet they're not consistent or laser focused. So that then gets into not only your goals, but adding your why to it. So you have your goals and your deadlines, but you're still kind of wishy-washy. Well, if you have your why— why is this goal so important to you to achieve? Why is that deadline so critical for you to meet? You know, is it because you need to be able to pay bills so you save your house? Is it because you need to find a job so you can feed your family? Is it because you, you know, want to go on a trip, um, you know, and it's, you know, 2 months away and you have no money right now. Um, and, and why do you want those things? Well, for security and stability and for protection and for joy and happiness and adventure, whatever the case might be. Holding on to your why, um, along with your goal that has that deadline will then help you to stay focused. And I say, almost said at least, because it will. It will at least have you stay focused. And it's something that, again, if you put it up on your wall, not only your goal and your deadline with your why, you could look at it and be like, okay, anytime I'm losing focus and/or I'm being inconsistent, I could go back to that goal, to that why, and get myself back on track. Okay. Now, more mechanics would be look at your daily routine. Look at how you, how you've structured your days and your weeks. So for instance, let's say you have your goals, you have your deadlines, you have your why, all that's fabulous. Now your goals, they might be for the year. And hopefully, if you have them for the year, maybe you're breaking them down to the quarter, to the month, to the week. And then I always suggest to my clients, take the week and break it down to the day. Now what I tend to do is, and I'll even show you right now, so we'll start with yesterday. So a morning routine, and what I mean by, you know, what's your morning routine? Your morning set yourself up for the day. So if you have a routine, not only for the day and for the week, but if you have all of your disciplines and all your practices, you know, structured in such a way for the day and the week, then that, that fear of inconsistency and laser being not being focused is kind of going to dissipate. Because the fact that you have these routines, these disciplines, these habits, these frameworks, these methodologies that you're following, and yes, that might all sound like, oh my God, that's just too much. It really isn't once you have them in place. Alright, so for instance, your goal setting is once a year, maybe, you know, once a month, and then you're looking at it, breaking that you know, taken that weekly goal and now you're spending time each day looking at your daily. But even what I do is, I'll— this is my week, so this was yesterday, 2/1, and I'll have my, my weekly goal and then I will have already planned out each day what needs to get done, especially the standard stuff, okay? Especially those things that you need to do each day. Like, I, in my day, I want to do my morning routine, I want to do my social media, I want to do— this is one of my coaching programs that I do. So, you know, if those things are standard, sales is standard, you, you know, you kind of lay them out. And you can even have them to where you're laid out for the, for the week by day. And that's going to tell you what it is that you need to be working on each and every day toward that goal that you have. Not only that, but that immediately has a framework or a set of pro— you know, a process that will keep you consistent because you've, you've laid it out in, in, in a way that then you know each and every day what it is that you should be doing. Now, from the laser focus perspective, you know, then that gets down to— that gets down to, um, one, ensuring that that weekly goal broken down by day, looking at the day acti— actions that need to be taken on that goal are then prioritized. So what I mean by that is, um, somebody will come up with like a list of 10 things that they need to do, okay, and they're all very relevant to the goal, but they then don't take into consideration the priority of one over the other, 3 over the, the 10. Um, and so they then just start picking out things to do, especially if they're easy, they're comfortable, they're they're more fun than something else. You know, and then all of a sudden, you know, they're not very structured in looking at ensuring that the top priority, highest value activities are being worked on first. And so they're just kind of scrambling, picking out things to fill up their, their 8-hour day. And at the end of the day, and especially at the end of the week, they're going, okay, so I didn't achieve my goal still. Why is that? Well, because there's still things that, that you've left on, you know, on the table, so to speak, that needed to be done. And you just kind of winged it as far as what you wanted to do versus what you needed to do in any given day, which then impacted the entire week. So if you really want to have these few simple disciplines practiced every day, I would, I would suggest have your, have your yearly goal broken down into quarter, month, and week. Take that week and break it down into your daily, daily goal. Um, look at that daily goal and define the actions that you need to take. Prioritize them 1, 2, 3, 4, whatever. I always suggest no more than 3. Work on them in priority. Uh, at the end of each day, assess your progress, make changes to your next day. Take a victory lap for what you have accomplished. Like yesterday, I was thinking about this last night as I went to bed and I was doing my Reflections of the Day. I was just thrilled how much I got done yesterday. And talk about laser-focused and being consistent. I mean, I just had a very, very productive day. And I couldn't even believe when it turned out to be 4:30, 5 o'clock because, you know, I was just so in on my why and on my goals and the work that I had to get done. Um, it was very exhilarating. So, you know, work on these, these small disciplines. So once you have your action plans for the day, even for the week, like I showed you, I had block out your calendar. You know, it's considered time blocking. Block out the amount of time and when during the day you're going to work on that list of activities that you've just laid out. For your daily and/or your weekly goal. So now, laser-focused and consistent. Now your calendar is telling you what you need to do and what you need to work on. Okay. Now you can take it to the next, next level, and which is when you are now kind of working on that, that to-do list, that prioritized list, you have it scheduled on your calendar. But you're, you know, you want to be sure that you're focused. You can set your alarm, you know, and decide that you're only going to work on a certain thing for a certain amount of time because then you're going to get— start getting distracted. You're going to start opening up Facebook or Instagram. So commit to then a certain amount of time of which, you know, set your alarm on your phone, um, and just stay there until, until it's done. Stay there until you meet that milestone point of which you decided you're going to, uh, in that time block that you've assigned. Now, what— and what I mean by that too, I want to be clear because this comes up from my clients. You might have assigned 2 hours for something on a particular day, and yet you know that, uh, 45 minutes, an hour, 15 minutes into it, you're just going to start getting distracted and notifications are going to be there, all that kind of good stuff. So even though you blocked out 2 hours, say you're going to work on it for 45 minutes, take a 5-minute break, come back to it. And finish that time block that you laid out. But maybe that 2 hours is actually going to turn out to be 4 hours. Well, then just then consciously, purposely plan for that and give yourself those breaks and/or whatever it is that you need to do. And if you do say, oh, my break is going to be, well, I'm going to just going to check in on Facebook, I'm going to check in on my email, I'm going to check in on something. Well, set your alarm or have something to tell you and just, and to kind of provoke you out of that distraction and, and back to the, to the work so you can be laser focused. Okay, and the consistency is also going to be to remove the distractions, you know, it is going to be, um, and the laser focus is going to be to remove the distraction. So look at your work environment, meaning the actual, you know, whole room or, you know, um, house that you're in and make sure it's set up for you to be as productive as possible. Then come in and look at the actual workspace that you're working in. So say you're in an office and you're all in cubes, so you have to be able to control the environment all around you, but then you want to control your workspace, which is maybe that cube or maybe that, um, you know, side bedroom you're using at home since you can't go into the office. But then look at your actual— I call it, I just put computer and phone, but your desk space, you know, that's even the minor workspace. Make sure it's clean, make sure it's set up in such a way that, you know, everything's easy to get to. And it, you know, it's not kind of causing you frustration or, you know, some people get over— I get overwhelmed if I have a lot of stuff on my desk and surrounding me. I'm almost like suffocating and I just get overwhelmed thinking Oh my God, all this stuff needs attention too, not just what it is that I'm working on. Can you relate to that? So, so just kind of, you know, recognize that as well and make sure, um, you know, any distractions are minimized if not eliminated. So, you know, turn off Facebook and Instagram and alerts on your phone and notifications on your computer and, and the phone in the house. And, you know, put a sign on the door if, you know, the kids are also at home and and, you know, put those ground rules in place, you know, for people to, um, for people to recognize, uh, what it is that you need to be as laser-focused and consistent as possible. But consistency and laser focus really comes down to just what Jim Rohn says— finding those routines, habits, and disciplines, putting them in place, and, um, you know, kind of practicing, practicing that each and every day. Um, you know, I haven't done— I mean, I've always made a list but I haven't done things in the way that I've done things in the last 3 or 4 years, years before that. So you're always practicing and you're trying new things and seeing what works best and making you as productive as possible. Okay. So I want to move on to Keisha's question. You know what, how to eliminate procrastination. Different than laser focus and consistency. Right? Procrastination. So you might, you know, again, um, you might be consistent, and when you're working, you might be laser-focused, but then there, there's something that comes up and all of a sudden you're procrastinating on it. Okay, different than laser-focused and, um, consistent. So what I, what I suggest to my clients— actually, I practice this like on a daily basis What I suggest to my clients is kind of acknowledge it and me, you know, acknowledge it as soon as you can acknowledge it, as soon as you become aware of it. And what that looks like is, you know, say you do kind of move over to the couch and start watching TV in the middle of the day, expecting that you're going to do it for 5 minutes. But then the next thing you know, you know, an hour goes by and you're still sitting on your couch. And you really didn't pay attention the first 5 minutes because you kind of said to yourself, okay, I'm going to take a break. And you sat on your couch. We were talking procrastination. So you want to acknowledge it. You want to recognize that you are procrastinating. Um, but at the same time, you really want to understand it. Like, why are you procrastinating? What is it about what it is that you're supposed to be doing that you don't want to be doing, that you're avoiding, that you're procrastinating on? Oftentimes, especially as business owners, oftentimes it comes to sales and marketing. It comes to things that we're not comfortable doing or we don't know how to do. Or we don't have anybody to help you do it. So you're overwhelmed. So procrastination can creep in very easily. And yet at the same time, really wreak havoc on not only your, your, your focus right then and there, not only on your results that day or that week, but overall, your ability to, you know, accomplish what it is you've laid out for yourself to build that business, to grow that client base, to get that revenue, that income that you're looking for. And it applies in your, for any of you in your corporate career as well, procrastinating on finishing a project or doing your personal review, professional review, or doing your people's professional review, which a lot of people are doing right now. Professionals will all of a sudden find themselves in a state of procrastination because they don't want to do it. They don't like to do it. They don't know how to do it. They don't feel comfortable doing it, whatever the case might be. So as you're, you know, kind of acknowledging that you're in procrastination, try to work to understand it. Because every problem has a solution. We talk about that a lot here. But every problem has a solution. So, you know, there's a solution for you even not liking something. You don't have to like something to do it. And you don't have to like something to do it really well. So for instance, performance reviews, since that's what I'm doing a lot of coaching on right now, is helping the managers both from HR or the manager itself, kind of get ready for delivering that performance review that might not be sweet and lovely and all sugary, that could have some challenges in it. So do they want to do that? Do they like delivering, you know, kind of difficult news? No. But can they be really good at it and effective in doing it and get the outcome and the result that they want? Absolutely. It's just a matter of getting that skill. You know, learning that new technique, um, not only doing it but also just finding the solution to that problem that they're having. So acknowledging it and understanding it for what it is can then, you know, kind of help you then create those solutions to where then you can find the energy to then start taking action and get out of procrastination. But you first want to acknowledge it, you want to understand it, you want to kind of reconcile what you can do about it. You know, what can I do about this, this work that I have to do, this person I have to talk to, this phone call I need to make, this, you know, paperwork I need to file, whatever the case might be. And then make a decision about what it is that you're going to do. You might even make the decision, and people do, that I'm going to procrastinate, or I'm just going to like, you know, kind of give myself a break for not just that 5 minutes or that hour, even for the full day. Maybe when you've acknowledged it and understood it, you're burned out. You're just, you know, overwhelmed. You need some space. You need some, you know, breath of fresh air. So make a decision that, okay, so this is going to last the day. This is even going to last a couple weeks. Maybe I'm also— not a couple weeks, take that back, a couple of days. Maybe I'm sick as a result of being worn down, being overwhelmed, being stressed out. I just physically am not feeling well. Well, you know, take care of yourself. So that might be, you know, a couple of days. That might be the weekend. But what I want you to do is also make a decision as to when you're going to come out of the state of procrastination. Okay, because that is the key. The key is to not allow it to, to kind of continue and to drag on, because that's— nothing's going to be gained by that. You're only going to lose by doing that. The situation is still going to be there. That activity or task that you need to do is still going to be there. That phone call you need to make, that paperwork you need to file, whatever the case might be, it's still going to be there. So you might as well kind of acknowledge it, understand it, make a decision about it, and then also decide when are you going to, you know, do the work necessary to then address it. Because guess what? Once it is, it's gone. It's over with. It's done. You're, you're, you're beyond it. But procrastinating on it and letting it kind of drag on just kind of keeps you in that, you know, keeps you in that, I don't want to do it. I don't like to do it. I don't know how to do it. Why not move beyond that? So make that, you know, make the decision to do so and get back to your goals. Get back to your, um, you know, your, um, your, uh, I'm drawing a blank. Get back to your why, you know, get back to, uh, why it is that you're working on what it is that you're working on. Um, so your goals and your why, uh, let that kind of propel you to say, oh geez, My why is for that financial freedom, that stability, that protection of my family. Because, you know, from an earlier example, um, you know, I want to get us out of debt, I want to pay off our house, I want to, you know, put money in the bank, you know, because of my why being that I, you know, want to be stable, I want to be healthy, I want to be protected, I want to feel secure. Um, you know, so that why will feed you, uh, whatever energy you need to kind of get off the, get off the couch, you know, and start moving forward. Okay, um, now if you are in this state of procrastination on a particular thing that you don't want to do, you don't like to do, find something else to do. Like, instead of just purely procrastinating on life, because the minute you sit on that couch— now granted, you know, this isn't your normal sit on the couch, it's been a long day, I'm just going to kick my feet up, you know, beverage and watch TV. That's not the type of getting on the couch I'm talking about. It's more of, okay, I don't want to deal with this. So I'm just going to avoid it, ignore it, you know, push it aside, delay it, you know, so forth and so on. And therefore, you know, the sitting on the couch is, you know, is merely just your response to having to deal with that, that thing. Well, find something else to do then. Instead of, you know, you might procrastinate and delay and avoid that actual thing that you need to do. Well, find something else to do so you're not— you don't actually fall into a state of procrastination, lack of movement or momentum, because you always want to be moving forward. Successful people all are constantly moving forward and taking action. So take an action, big or small, on something else that then, you know, kind of at least maintains the energy, if not ignites it. And maybe it's on something else, but maybe when you are actually taking action on something else and you're getting momentum and you're creating energy and you're accomplishing something and you're all thrilled and high-fiving the victories that you're making, will then give you the confidence and the optimism to go and address that hard thing that you're procrastinating on. So, you know, decide not to procrastinate in the whole, but just, you know, maybe on that thing, and then find other things you could be doing in the meantime. So you're, you know, creating momentum on a constant basis and moving yourself forward. Okay. All right. Now, one last one that I had from Vicki. So this is gonna be, you know, this session, I'll piecemeal the pieces together. But Vicki wanted to know how to set an obtainable goal tailored to her. So Vicki, this really comes back to, you know, SMART goals, your goals. So, you know, goals tailored to you simply mean you want to declare and own them, as I call it, declare and own them. And you want to define those goals in a SMART way using the SMART methodology. And you want to, you know, kind of recognize that this, you know, you might, there might be a goal for your family, or might be a goal for a boss or for somebody else. But, but your goal, the part of that goal or a totally separate goal, can be just tailored toward you. So let me give you, for instance, your boss passes down a goal that you guys have to have this piece of software implemented by the end of the year. And, you know, your part in it is that you're going to project manage, you know, this, this soft piece of software being implemented by the end of the year. And then your goal, that your tailored goal specifically to you, is what you want to be accomplishing and achieving as a part of that, as, as a result of that goal. So your goal tailored to you around someone else's goal could even be, you know, say at the end of it you want a promotion, you want a raise, you want a new initiative. Uh, now, you know, those things have nothing to do with the bigger goal, so it's tailored to you. The fact that, yes, you know, the, the goal that you have is to, you know, implement this piece of software by the end of the year. So you have a lot of your SM, you know, your specifics, your measurements, your actions, you know, the SMART methodology built into that goal. But then there's also elements that you want. What do you want to gain from it? So you implement that you want to— your goal is to demonstrate yourself as a better leader, is to ensure everything is delivered on time and on budget on a monthly basis, not just a quarterly or yearly or at the end of the implementation. You want to have a promotion or advancement or a bonus, maybe 6 months in or at the end of the year. So there's always ways for you to even take someone else's goal that's passed to you that has you have dependency on and tailor them to yourself. But then the easier ones are just those goals, business or personal, that you have specifically for yourself, specifically for yourself. So let's take even that, that project management dependent goal that you've now tailored. You can also have a second professional goal that says, I want to find a new job at a new company by the end of the year, right? That's specific to you, tailored to you, you know, all— everything that you put against it, the specifics, the measurements, the actions you're going to take, um, and the timeline that you make is going to be all tailored to you. No one over here, you know, has any dependencies on it. They don't know about it. They don't need to, you know, be involved in it. This is just specifically for you and is tailored to what it is that you want to achieve. Now, obtain— when someone says to me, set an obtainable goal, that comes to the R of the SMART methodology for me. That comes to whether or not the goal is realistic. So if you feel that you're not defining an obtainable goal, that could be the fact that you're— you, you stretch yourself too much. So let's go back to that, um, business example. Say you're a project manager now, right? That's what we said at the, at the beginning, illustrating this example. And say now you want to become a director, and the, the, the goal that you have to leave the company and go and find another job in another company is to be a director. So, you know, is that obtainable? Sure, sure, that could be obtainable. Is it obtainable in the timeline that you've defined yourself— for yourself? Um, so say you said that, you know, by the end of the year you want to you want to obtain a director role in another company, you know, even in a different discipline. Well, then you have to just ask yourself the questions of, okay, do I have the skill sets, you know, necessary right now, and/or can I get them by the end of the year to where I can go and look for another, you know, job and it's a director's role? Have you already been performing in a director capacity Although your title is a project manager, and therefore, yes, it's realistic and relevant that you're going after this, this director role at the end of the year. No, I don't have the skills, and I will need to get the skills on, you know, on the job, as well as, you know, a certification or education. And therefore, the year timeline might not be realistic. So you need to change that maybe to, you know, 18 months or 2 years. So again, defining a goal specifically for you is just making it your own and making sure that it's accomplishing what it is that you want to achieve. Whether it's obtainable or not, you know, it has a number of factors. And that would be, is— do you have the, you know, the stuff, the right stuff, as the movie said? Do you have the right stuff to meet the not only the goal but the timeline that you have for it. And if not, then what changes do you need to make to it? Now, there are some goals that are never attainable by someone who wants them. And, you know, and yet I rarely come across this to where, you know, say somebody who— I don't know, say somebody who is a scientist wants to become an astronaut, you know, are they ever going to obtain that? Uh, you know what I mean? So I, you know, for, for the general population, at least of who I work with, I don't worry about whether it's obtainable or not, you know, even realistic. Um, the realistic comes to the timeline, or the realistic might come to the measurements that they're going to use initially, or the action plan they come up against. So again, let me give you a, for instance, is somebody might say, I want to lose 100 pounds, and maybe they've never lost weight before. I certainly wouldn't say, well, is it realistic? What I would say is, okay, so what timeline were you expecting to lose that 100 lbs.? And then I might, you know, kind of challenge whatever that answer might be to ensure that, well, they've never lost, you know, weight before, let alone 100 lbs. They're not a gym person, and now they say they're going to go to the gym, you know. So I'm going to look also at their action plan to ensure that all the things that they're going to do one is not too much, that they're not kind of, you know, making it bigger and more, more overwhelming than they're going to be able to keep up with. While at the same time, you know, is that timeline, you know, suitable for them meeting that goal? Anyone— I'll take that back. Someone who sets a goal for 100 pounds can certainly lose 100 pounds. But then you need to look at a number of other factors as far as you know, not only the goal itself and the way it's defined and the action plan that's created, but even the person's mindset, even the person's commitment, even the person's why all come into play to, to kind of account for whether or not, even if they set up this beautiful goal that's very realistic, that's very obtainable, you know, are, do they have the mindset and are they in the position mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, to then act on it and, and go and pursue and achieve it. But, you know, if you want to obtain an obtainable goal tailored to you specifically, then just define those goals and put them in that, that SMART method. Have someone even reconcile and look at it for you and, you know, ask you questions, maybe challenge you on it, and put a, put a plan in place that you can then go and pursue and work to achieve. Okay. All right. Well, this has been an interesting up and down type of Ask Me Anything episode. And like I said, we will piecemeal all of this together. So we have it out on BlogTalkRadio, we're going to have it out on Shedding the Bitch, we'll get the video out on YouTube and shared with you. So you have all of these tips and advice that we've talked about today. All right, so thank you everybody for your patience, and I'll look forward to seeing you real soon. Take care, bye.

Thank you for listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. Join Bernadette every Tuesday at noon Eastern as she helps you shift your bitches to riches, and the dialogue is always going on at sheddingthebitch.com. See you next week.