Bernadette Confesses so you Progress - Shedding the Corporate Bitch

or share your stories on our website, sheddingyourglitch.com. Whatever the decision is that's holding you back from living your life to your fullest, it's not worth giving up the riches in life that you deserve. So call in now and let Bernadette Boas know what's holding you back. 1-800-572-2911.

Well, good afternoon on this lovely Tuesday in Atlanta, or wherever you are, and Actually could be morning or night, I guess. And this is Bernadette Boas. Thank you so much for joining. It's been an interesting week since the last time that we've spoken. And as I shared on the announcement for today's show, I've been getting a lot of requests from people as they've either received the first shipment of books that have gone out regarding Shedding the Corporate Bitch, or they've just come across cross me at networking events or some sort of expo or engagement here around town, or actually around the country, because I do do quite a bit of travel. But they basically ask me kind of a few questions, questions that are pretty standard each time I meet somebody, is why did I go down the path, or what occurred in my life that caused me to take on this persona of a nasty bitchy woman? And then how did I kind of overcome that state of mind, I'll call it, because we talk a lot about the fact that it is a state of mind and it's provoked and driven by some own self-detriment to ourselves when we lash out or take advantage or manipulate or are cruel to other people. So I thought we would discuss some of that today, and I would share or admit some of those ugly things about myself, but at the same time reveal all the great things that have come as a result of my recognizing where I certainly can improve my life, and therefore you can improve your life as well. And I wanna kinda be a beacon of hope for people in that no matter how small or how large an issue, tragedy, or a situation is in your life, There is a very productive, very great way— I won't say easy, there's no way I'll say it's easy— but there's a great way of overcoming it so you can actually live a life that you, that you want to, as opposed to allowing yourself to be that victim or have that inner critic beating at your heart and soul, holding you back or repressing you from really pursuing what it is in life that you want to go after. I was hoping to have a guest today if you had seen the original announcements. However, that fell through, so you know, you're lucky you get me, you know, for the next 30 minutes. And I want to remind everyone of the phone call. The number to call in is 1-818-572-2910. As much as I love to talk, and if you know me and you've been listening in, you know I can talk, but I would actually love to hear your stories, love to take your questions and do what I can to you know, help you kind of shift your life to riches. And please call in if you'd like to do that. You can also log in at blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitch and chat with us there as well. And that seems to be the most popular mechanism, especially if you're just sitting at your desk or you're eating lunch. But feel free, you can just sit there if you'd like, or chat us— chat me a question, and would love to take it. I also want to remind you, our website, sheddingthebitch or sheddingthecorporatebitch.com, you can go to either one, is also a place where you can go and submit your stories and share your comments on our blog. And as well, you can always look into what Shedding the Corporate Bitch is all about. I provide you a free chapter, Chapter 1, for signing up for our website, and therefore you'll get also some monthly rich tips and some other goodies that we're going to be delivering to you as we go forward. I also want to remind everyone that every Tuesday afternoon for the next 4 weeks, I also have a webinar series that will dive into a little bit more about my story. But more importantly, it's not about me. It's more important about The lessons and the tips and the advice as a result of the experiences that I've gone through that I'm gonna share with you over the next 3 or 4 weeks so you too can really take control of your life and have an empowered, happy, joyous, and peaceful life in whatever way you choose. So, you can always check those out both online at www.sheddingthecorporatebitch.com or you can check it out on LinkedIn, Facebook, and a number of other places that you'll find me. So those are just some, some basic updates, but I do want to start off with a couple of interesting things that's happened over the past week since we've last talked. First was I'm now getting— now that the social network kind of, what would you call it, the beating of the drum is starting to happen, and I'm picking up more and more fans and followers and and friends on all the different social networks, and people are sending me tidbits or little clippings or episodes that they're seeing on TV or listening to on the radio. It's ranged everything from the Today Show to the CBS Evening News to last night I was sitting there watching— oh, I guess it was Sunday night— and I was watching Desperate Housewives. And I'm not sure if any of you folks out there are watching as well. I'm not a huge fan, I just happen to have it in the background background all the time as I continue to work on a Sunday evening. And it was interesting because, uh, long story short, it was about this character Lynette who is accompanying her husband on a corporate business trip, and it's to go and hear a panelist that included Chris Kavanaugh. And she was desperate to get into this event. Anyway, she's standing in line, uh, you know, looking to buy a cocktail, and a very tall, I'll say very corporate, formal, polished woman, well-dressed, well-heeled up, so to speak, is standing in front of her. So they engage in a conversation, of which then this woman learns that Lynette is not a fellow corporate executive who's earned her stripes, so to speak. And if you've ever been in corporate, or if you're in corporate now, you definitely understand what I mean, and you understand the attitude that comes with it. So the next thing you know, as Lynette goes to explain, who is also an ex-corporate executive herself who's then chosen to stay home with the kids, kind of, you know, comments to her that, you know, she's looking to get into this event to see Chris Kavanaugh. She's very excited. And this woman turned to her, in only a corporate executive woman— I'll call it— but Pretty much, I'll let you know that since I throw myself under the bus and call myself an ex-corporate bitch, I will tell you she mirrored me. She was an exact mirror of me. But she turned to Lynette and snubbed her nose at her and basically said, "Well, you're just a plus one. You're not good enough to come into this meeting." And she actually said, "You know, the attendance to this meeting are for those people like myself who have worked hard and long." to climb the corporate ladder and get where we are, and not for the plus ones that chose to stay home and do nothing with their lives. Well, I have to tell you, I got a rash. It actually made the hairs on my neck just wanna, you know, well, they did rise up and stand to attention, but it was just, it brought me back to a time and an attitude. And a lot of people who know me and know me now will actually say that they can never, ever, ever picture me, you know, taking on or copying this type of attitude. But trust me when I say— because it's not— I'm not benefiting by admitting these things, uh, but trust me when I say that if I needed to turn on an attitude or a superiority complex on you, I can certainly do it. And yet at the same time, I've mentioned in the past on, on my show, and, and you might have heard that I can't go there anymore. Even when I was writing the book, I had a hard time going back and recounting those days because just the idea of being so cruel or so demeaning and disrespectful to somebody else is just— it really makes me gag. So I did, as I was watching this episode of Desperate Housewives, and I so felt— I so felt for Lynette. And any, anybody that comes into, into, you know, confrontation with a person, an individual— it doesn't just have to be a woman, by the way— an individual like that. So what I'll just, I'll say to you and I'll propose to you is that people can change and people do change. And if, and if you want a change in your life, it might not be about being you know, a nasty, you know, corporate executive. It could be just that you have a lot of angst or a lot of negativity or lack of security and confidence in yourself. Trust me when I say that you could definitely can change. And it's amazing that once you do change, even if it's a small little bit, you're not going to want to go back to that state of mind, no matter how big of a state of mind it was or how small. You're going to want to keep moving forward and progressing and and becoming just as good and as true and as, uh, you know, nice of a person that you can be. And trust me when I say that. So I thought that was interesting, um, that these things are really becoming, um, kind of very loud when I see them or when someone shoots me a note. You'll notice on our Facebook page and our blog, we're also looking for suggestions and ideas from you as to who are those movie icons or actual movies that depicted a bitch really well. So for instance, we've gotten Devil's Wear Prada. Obviously Meryl Streep played a really, really good, you know, nasty, highfalutin woman who learns, you know, throughout the movie how to actually appreciate and kind of have compassion and respect for for the other people that work for her. And then there's Working Women. I don't necessarily recall the exact character that was in that movie, but, uh, that was given to us. And then of course, uh, the one that— oh, The Proposal with Sandra Bullock and Ryan— I don't know Ryan's last name. Anybody know Ryan's last name out there? Uh, and, uh, she definitely plays the highfalutin corporate woman who's all wrapped up in work and has a hard time kind of finding, you know, her real self, especially from a personal perspective. But anyway, I just thought that over the last week I've been getting a lot of people coming to me and shooting me notes or going on to Facebook and all those other social networks sharing. And if you do have any of your own that you just, you just always remember that iconic person— oh, someone else mentioned Bette Davis as a as a submission, as an idea, because what we want to do is we're going to put a montage of these clippings, movie clippings, you know, into an overall montage, and we'll, we'll put it to music of some sort, and then we'll include things from Shedding the Corporate Bitch as well there as well. So if you have any suggestions, we'd love to hear, hear from you. Go to sheddingthebitch.com. You can go to Facebook, leave it there, or you can shoot me a note. My actual personal email address is bernadetteboas@balloffire8.com. Ballofireinc.com. That's ball as in a softball. ballofireinc.com. The other thing that was very interesting, and actually it really kind of took me off my game for just about 30 seconds, is yesterday— I'm here in Atlanta— and yesterday we, my team, part of my team was meeting to go over— we're going to be implementing and providing you much more robust community social web environment that you're going to be able to come in and talk and chat and share stories and get support and help. And we'll talk a lot— we'll talk about that as we go forward. But so the team was meeting and they'd just broken up, and I had left and gotten into the parking lot of the Ritz, and I'm— I looked down, down a ways, and I want to say it was a good geez, 400 yards away. And I saw these two gentlemen kind of walking through the parking lot themselves, and yet the one just stood out completely, not only because he's a big guy but just his whole stature. And again, hair rose up on the back of my neck, and I knew immediately, immediately who it was. And I kind of just stood there like, okay, so what do I do? Has he seen me? You know, do I go up to him? And so I contemplated it for a moment. There was no way in heck I was getting in my car and driving away without addressing this gentleman. And so knowing that I looked really good, by the way, I— it was one of those days when you feel good and you feel like you look good. And I had kind of this like sassy little dress on with some high heels and leggings, and you know, and overall I just knew I looked so much better than when I had all that angst in my life 4 or 5 years ago in the corporate world. So I started approaching this gentleman and he all of a sudden noticed that this woman kind of in a very quick pace, gant, or gait, was walking toward him and he's just kind of looking and looking and looking and I'm thinking, you know, I worked with you and for you for 12, 13 years day in, day out, uh, and you know, he's having a hard time recognizing me, and yet I was able to recognize him 400, 500 yards away. And it wasn't until I literally probably got about 20, 25 feet when he recognized who I was. And I'll tell you, the look on his face was priceless. And it turns out to be my 12, 13-year confidant, mentor, boss friend, business colleague, partner, manager, and I want to emphasize mentor and confidant. And I'll save what his name is, but it begins with a D, and that was what his nickname was, was D. And I was thrilled to see him, although I was definitely kind of apprehensive and a little bit nervous. And I walk, you know, go walking toward him, and he just is kind of looking at me, and all of a sudden his eyes open up and and he is very uncomfortable. I could, you know, I could tell he's talking to this gentleman, but he's like kind of going back and forth on his— on both of his feet, rocking back and forth. And, and, you know, said hello very quickly. You know, it was very uncomfortable. He wasn't sure what to say. I wasn't sure what to say. I introduced myself to the gentleman, so forth and so on. And I kind of, you know, he's like, how you doing? I said, I'm doing great. I said, I'm just doing fantastic, just real busy, busy with bitch parties, busy with my book. And he said, "Yes, I see, you know, I've been, I, you know, I see you out there all the time," which I assumed was social network. And he said, "Yes," and he really didn't have anything to say. And when I tell you how things can change in your life, this gentleman I revered and revered for, you know, 12, 13 years. And I would say the last year, that is when the two of us kind of had our own challenges with each other. And I did lose a small degree of respect for him. Overall, I can't say that I totally disrespect him or have any bad feelings or hard feelings toward him. I know how the business world is, especially corporate, and I know, you know, the fact that he let me go was a business decision, plus that's what we're going to talk about in our, you know, last 10 minutes. I had to take a hard look at my own role and responsibility and take accountability for my part in that, uh, you know, that relationship going— I won't say, well, went bad, but I won't say— and I would hope that it hasn't completely disappeared and that there's no opportunity, you know, should the opportunity come for us to be able to continue on. It will just be very different than it used to be. I used to very much look up to this man very much consider him a business partner, but at the same time a confidant and a mentor. And he taught me everything that I know, um, more so the good than the bad. I take the accountability for the bad stuff I put in there. At the same time though, I have to say that he played part in my, um, really knowing that politics, the corporate politic world, is corporate politics because he's good at it. And he was very good at it. And when, you know, things weren't going his way, I kind of was the— was one of the victims of that. And yet at the same time, I take the greater, the greater responsibility for my losing my job and losing my mentor. And that's kind of what I want to share with you today, because, you know, like I said, people ask me how did I get there, and then, and then what did I do to kind of kind of recover or reform from that state of mind. And I won't talk about how I got there because I think I've mentioned it time and time again. A, it was a conscious decision for me to kind of take on this very aggressive, ambitious personality because that was the influence around me. But certainly join us at 1 o'clock Eastern time, actually in about a half hour or so, because I am going to go in depth on that in a webinar, free webinar that I'm offering up. And You can go to, like I said, LinkedIn or Facebook to find the registration for that. But what I'd like to focus on is kind of the questions I get a lot is how did I kind of come out of that state of mind? How did I shed those attitudes and egos and become the woman that I am today? And I have to admit, those are some of the— D was one of the questions that I had to ask myself. Honestly, is, you know, was I responsible for ruining that relationship and losing that 12-year— I won't say lifetime, but 12-year, 13-year mentor and confidant? And quite honestly, I will have to say I did. I was responsible, I was accountable. And again, I'm not relieving him of all of his part, don't get me wrong. But I would say that, you know, again, I've stressed it here before, you could only go so far in life or in business with a nasty superior ego and an attitude of disrespect and demeaning and creating conflict and drama in life. You're only going to go so far. Some people will ignore you for a while as you're achieving results. And I was, I was achieving great results for him and for the company as a whole, and therefore a lot of it was overlooked. But sooner or later it's going to catch up to you, whether it is professionally, whether it is when you break that— or don't break that glass ceiling and you keep trying to and you're wondering why you're not getting promoted or why people are getting promoted over you, why you're not getting the big projects why you're not getting the special attention. And it's— and if you don't have that positive mindset and that confidence and that self-assurance in yourself, then it is eventually going to catch up to you. And more importantly, it's going to catch up to you personally. It's going to catch up to you physically, health-wise, self-esteem, relationships. And I would say just— and I would throw D into that relationship bucket You know, as I was continuing my, you know, my rampage of a lot of attitude and angst and negative mindsets and confrontation and just making things difficult for people around me, it was making things difficult for the people in my life as well. And sure, my family and my friends may not have seen it the same way because I, you know, sometimes they're blind or they just kind of ignore it. And that's not a bad thing, it's just reality. However, the people around, around, you know, around me or around you definitely see it and smell it and sense it. And therefore I really had to think very seriously and ask that one question in the mirror: did I ruin that relationship? And I would say yes, I played a big part in having a relationship that I really, really, I can't even tell you and express to you how much I revered that relationship and held it up to high regard. And yet, I no longer have it. And you know, you can still have relationships after you leave, you know, a business, a job, a corporate world, an entrepreneurial world. You go and, you know, work for somebody else and yet it got to a point where it was unsalvageable. Now, like I said, we're both in different places now in our lives. It's been 3 years, so forth and so on. But I definitely had to kind of own up to that. And one day, it wasn't going to be yesterday because like I said, he was with another gentleman, but I would guess that if he was not and I ran into him in the parking lot alone, that 2-minute conversation I would have definitely forced to being a much longer conversation because a part of me is not ready for it yet, but a good part of me is ready to kind of confront it and be open and honest with him, and yet at the same time expect the same in return. So that was one of the big questions that I asked myself. And then the other question I get a lot is, especially if anybody comes to my house or, you know, looks at my car and looks at all the materialistic things that I have, they'll say, well, Bernadette, you being that nasty, you know, bitchy woman, it obviously worked for you because, you know, look at the house you live in and look at the car you drive and the clothes you wear. Although now my wardrobe is getting a little tad old because I don't spend money like I used to. But, and I will tell you that, yes, absolutely, I had the good fortune of having a lot of, you know, a lot of disposable income, especially because I'm single and without children. So more so than anybody else that might have been making the same amount of money, but with all of that, and yet I was making a really good salary. I definitely had all the materialistic bling that people aspire to, and therefore someone might look at me, and many people have, and said, well, you were successful and that attitude didn't prevent it. But like I said, obviously I don't have it anymore. Now I will have it again, but I can tell you that the head that I have on my shoulders and the skill set that I have now and the maturity and the confidence that I have today, and the same would be for you, um, in just, you know, 3 years. And actually it wasn't even 3 years, uh, it's a culmination of 3 years, but it started happening The minute I started taking control and accountability for and getting rid of those negative mindsets and those belief systems that I had of myself that caused me to take on that personality. And, you know, there's no way that I would ever, ever harm or ever jeopardize a business, a relationship, or a career. Again as a result of the lessons that I've learned in the, in the hard times that I've been through. And yet at the same time, it's also been very exciting. Scary, scary, mind you, at the same time exciting. So yes, I was successful, but I'll tell you what, my definition of success drastically has changed. Drastically has changed. I think the only part of my My old definition of success that still is important to me, but for a whole different reason, is my home, or what people would call, you know, the materialistic house. The minute that I saw this home, this house, it was my home. The minute I saw it actually on a website, as opposed to when I walked up to it and then you get that whole, like, God-speaking moment that I talk about in the book. Where you just know that this was meant to be. So that is the one thing that if I, you know, and I have given up a lot of, a lot of things over the last few years, that is the last, last thing that I would give up because it is truly, truly my home, as opposed to just four walls that happens to be in a good address. And yet at the same time, you know, I might be brought to that point, and that will be just something that I deal with at that time. But I don't expect to. So anyway, so yes, I was successful. Depends upon what your definition of success is. And my success now is, um, love and support and peace and contentment, no drama. Uh, I earn, or I've always earned, what I have. But at the same time, I just want all the non-tangible things that life has to offer, uh, in all areas of my life, whether it's my family, relationships my career, my business, my customers, you as my fans, followers, friends. I definitely have a whole different meaning for success. And tell you what, it never is, or it's not— blah, blah, blah, I'm getting so excited. It's the best feeling in the world to have that sense of security and confidence and certainty. In your life. And so what I would propose to you is that you start really kind of being honest with yourself about those things that aren't working, those people that aren't working. I think I might have told you— I think I might have told you in the past, I had a very large circle of friends while I was in corporate, both business-wise and personally, and I threw lavish parties and I spent money without, you know, looking at tags and I, you know, ate lavishly and whatnot, and people were attracted to that. But let me tell you now, talk about an admission, and even if some of those folks are listening, I don't have any of those friends anymore. I— it was unbelievably awakening what happened the minute I didn't have those things. So I would also have you look at what are those things in your life. Are they truly, truly, truly like never leave you, never give up on you regardless? And I have to tell you, it turned out to be purely my family. And now I have a whole new circle of friends, but it was— it's purely my family that has always stood by. So I would also have you just kind of consider that when you go to address and confront and shed your own angst and attitudes, or what we call here bitches. So I can't believe how fast this time goes. So we're quickly out of time, but go to our website, check it out, sheddingthebitch.com, sheddingthecorporatebitch.com, it all takes you to the same place. And then join us next Tuesday here at Shedding the Bitch Radio at noon, or join us at 1 o'clock today and learn more. And we'll look forward to having you on the call. Have a great day, everybody.