Business casual does not mean casual business. What not to do to impress!

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Hello and welcome to Shedding the Bitch Radio, where you can discuss, debate, and get advice on how to discover and shed the bitches of fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negative mindsets so you can realize your dreams and life purpose and create and accelerate the riches you want in life. Join us here live every Tuesday at noon Eastern and dialogue with us at 818-572-2910. You can also chat with us at BlogTalkRadio.com/SheddingtheBitch or share share your stories on our website at sheddingthebitch.com. Whatever the bitch is that's holding you back from living your life to the fullest, it's not worth giving up the riches in life that you deserve. So call in now and let Bernadette Boas know what's holding you back. 818-572-2910. Good day, good day, good day everyone! How are you on this beautiful, beautiful, beautiful Tuesday? Tuesday in March. It is March 13th. I wish it was Friday the 13th because I love Friday the 13th, but it is March 13th. I hope you're all doing well wherever you might be around the world and whenever you are listening to us, whether you're live or you download us. You can— you can do that on iTunes, you can do that right here on blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebits. However you might be able to hook into us. We are always grateful. And I'm going to touch on this week, I'm going to bring back— not bring back, I overlooked one question last week because we ran out of time. And that question has actually been exasperated this past week or so and brought me to this subject matter around just how we should be behaving in business. And I don't care if you're a millennial, Gen X, if you're a baby boomer, there's just certain things and certain expectations one would have if you want to call yourself a professional. So we'll get into all of that in a bit. In the meantime, I really— there's not a lot of news happening, going on. I will just throw out, just because a friend of mine reached out to me and asked me for my take on it, they were interested I think that just from a mindset and psychological perspective, they asked me about whether or not I watched that O.J. Simpson confessions interview on, I believe it was Sunday night on Fox, and I did not, although I did see some highlights and whatnot, and it really does speak to, and I'm gonna have to go back and watch it, especially from a storytelling perspective. It does, though, speak a lot to just what, you know, how people behave and what people are thinking. And if he was just creating a story, because it was supposed to be all about kind of a fictional murder of his wife and friend, and yet the pieces that I heard are quite eerie. And just even as a storyteller myself, boy, that's— he was able to create one hell of a story off the cuff. So anyway, I did not watch it. I just wanted to respond to, um, Shelly, who had asked me about it. And if any of you have, and you have some thoughts or ideas or opinions in regards to it, especially as it pertains to his mental state, uh, whether or not you think it was a confession or a fictional story, whatever it might be, um, I told her I would, uh, kind of seek your input. You can go to Shady the Bitch on Facebook. It's probably the best for where this conversation started and just give us your thoughts. I just didn't get a chance to watch it, but I guess I'm going to have to now. Other than that, really, it's been a really great week. It's been a beautiful week. We've had a lot of rain. I will do a shout out to all of those in the Northeast, especially up in the New England area. I will be praying for you. Just please be safe. I know there's like tons of snow coming again on top of everything else that you've already received. My family in Philadelphia had been out of electricity for almost a week, and many of them went to hotels, a few of them kind of bunked together. So, you know, it is still winter, at least until the 21st, 22nd of March, and maybe even longer. So please, everybody, be safe out there. My house is now— and my studio is now full of dogs. I have 4 of them with me. Uh, 3 of them just got dropped off because she is headed to Boston, uh, and, uh, it's a kind of a must if she can get out, actually. But it's a must trip. It wasn't even a business trip, um, and it was just something that she found, uh, very important to her. So I'm gonna just keep my thoughts and prayers with her and anybody else who's traveling just be safe, be smart, be safe, and, you know, and get home, back home safely. Let's see, that's really it other than reminding you we've had some great guests that you're gonna want to take a listen to. We spoke to Connie Fife last week about women who dare. Actually, that was the week before last, about women who dare, dare to ignite, dare to take risks, dare to just own who they are. So you'll want to go back and listen to that. And then our popular guest Catherine Carrigan with the difference between pain and suffering, um, take a listen for that. And then we had a really interesting conversation with Rihanna Milne, and it was all about how to attract an emotionally healthy relationship. But that title is actually misleading, and I was actually considering changing it because what we got into are the 10 beliefs that we have about relationships, and they are— they stem from even our childhood. And she talks about childhood tragedies and abuses that go on emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, whatever the case might be, that actually impact our lives, our ability to form relationships, and years, decades later. And if you really want to get into understanding your view or your belief systems around relationships, she advises you dig into those childhood situations. A very interesting conversation, and we could have talked about that for a very long time, and I'll probably have her back because many of you have, you know, kind of really dug into that episode and was curious about it. Lastly, Ask Bernadette last week was also very interesting. We had some great questions around, you know, how to take risks when you're riddled with fear. And I know many, many individuals who deal with that. Hey, I can throw my hat in the ring where that's concerned as well because, you know, there's always that situation that comes up where you're really putting your heart and your soul and your person at risk for rejection, at risk for failure, at risk for no, whatever the case might be. So we have to learn how we can grasp our fear in order for it to be an accelerator in our lives as opposed to something that holds us back. So we talked a lot about that. We talked about how to make a powerful pitch. Whether you're pitching for a new job, whether you're pitching for investment, whether you're pitching for a relationship. You know, pitching— we all sell every day of our lives. We're out there selling ourselves. You may not look at it that way, but that's what it is. So how can you do that in a very effective, powerful way? And then we talked about what to do if you wanted to start a podcast to help your business or help your personal brand, and a lot more. So go back to our episode from last week, March 6th, I believe it was, and it was our Ask Bernadette episode from March. Now today, like I said, today we're going to be talking about kind of experiences that I, you know, in this case I've been having, but I'm sure you deal with every day as well when it comes to working with other people and how people show up. In their workplace. But it's also if they're showing up like that in the workplace, they're showing up like that in life. And the impact that it can have, good or bad, based on what that showing up looks like, what it can have to their success and what it could have to even their growth. Because we will talk the span of millennials to even the baby boomers. So, and we'll talk about kind of attitudes and behaviors. We'll talk about you know, simple but profound things you could be doing to make a difference, to make a great impression for you to succeed. And we'll talk about some dos and don'ts along the way. All right, so your rich question right now that I want you to be thinking about is— and we're going to talk about the fact that many people don't think about this— but how do you show up at work? What values, traits, what characteristics are you displaying in your work life, in your regular life? Do you even do you think about it, do you even care? But right now all I want you to do is answer, how do you show up at work? What are those values, traits, qualities, or characteristics that you really think about when it comes to how you want to be perceived in the workplace? You can tweet and Facebook with us using #BizValues, Biz Values, or you can simply just #Values. Or #ShedTheBitch. Alright, so when we get back, we're going to dive into this and we're going to dive into just kind of what are you doing or not doing in order to show up and make a great impression and not take business so casually even when it is business casual in your dress code. And again, I'm going to have a house full of dogs, so join in on the laughter and the growls that you'll hear from Tucker right now and Little Coco and a few others. Anyway, we'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette's books Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business. Available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors: TSR Consulting, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate size clients. Go to TSRConsulting.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker78@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern Time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back everyone. We're talking kind of the fact that it's business casual out there in the world these days doesn't mean that we should be taking business casually. I have had some situations over the last several weeks that have just really brought this, this issue and this topic to mind, and so I thought it would be important for us to discuss. So I want you to be, you know, answering or asking yourself and thinking about a few of these situations and scenarios. What would you do if a potential client or a business partner showed up 3 hours late for a, for a meeting? Would you consider working with them still? What would you do? What would you do if a teammate was consistently late on their deadlines, leaving work to you? And what would you expect your boss to even do? And then how would you handle a person at work who's rude, dismissive, or even a bully? Or what would you think of someone who shows up dressed inappropriate for the workplace, and I don't care if it's, you know, guys who wear the pants that hang low or girls that are showing too much cleavage, it doesn't matter, but what would you do? Most of the time when we answer these questions and it pertains to someone else, we are quick to judgment. We have a response in a matter of seconds in regards to the perception the impression and overall feeling toward that individual. But when it's asked of us, or when we're put in that situation, maybe it's us that are, you know, the perpetrator here— it's a little strong word— but then we tend to get defensive and we tend to make a lot of excuses as to why we might have shown up inappropriately dressed or why we're late. And this really came up because I, I sat in a day-long meeting a week ago Friday, and it was one of those meetings. There was a lot of personalities. It took a lot of attention and intention to stay in the moment because there was just a lot of what some people might call drama. But you know, you have to get used to working with a lot of different personalities and. I didn't mind it at the end of the day because it was productive. We then decided to kind of continue that meeting and finish up on a few deliverables on Monday, this past, a week ago Monday, and one of the individuals who was key to the whole thing happening was 3 hours late. Not 20 minutes, not an hour, not even 2 hours, but 3 hours late. And all along the way, we're reaching out for updates, we're reaching out to figure out where he might be, so forth and so on. And we're just— we're getting, "Oh, I'm stuck in traffic." Well, Atlanta's traffic is bad. It's not that bad. And we just sat there and, you know, there were things that we, the group that was there, could do and could get done, but it was really relying on this individual. And so I went at first to, you know, I went from being compassionate and really thinking about the situation he might be in trying to get to our meeting, and then I just grew to anger and grew to bitterness when the individual walked in without any good explanation, apology, really any consciousness toward the fact— or compassion, maybe, is the word too— toward the fact that there was this group of individuals who are all very busy, who are all, you know, very much in demand of their time, and this individual just had really no consideration or respect for that. And so I just thought to myself, you know, the first thing was said about, oh, well, this is what happens in the entertainment industry. Well, you know what, it's not. I mean, maybe it is, but it doesn't make it right. It doesn't make it appropriate. It doesn't make it really receptive to wanting to do work. And if I were to find, for instance, someone challenged me on this, you know, well, you know, you have to, you just have to deal with it. I'm just, I'm like, no, I don't. I have a choice. I don't have to deal with it. I can choose to do something else, choose to find those people that have a different appreciation for other people, so forth and so on. So the point being is I think nowadays everyone wants to be so fluid, they want to be so flexible, they want to be very casual about things. And I will say, millennials have that kind of ingrained in them because they don't wanna be on a schedule, they don't wanna be structured, they don't wanna have to kind of fit into a box. And I think some of that has kind of swept over into the other generations, into the other— I guess generations is all I'm looking for. It also, I think, has to do with the fact that the world has become very casual. It has become very kind of entrepreneurial in a lot of ways, and people don't want to kind of live by the same constraints that the baby boomers, who are extremely formal and structured and corporate, so to speak. People don't want to live with those constraints anymore. So it's really kind of shown to me, at least in the last several weeks when I was paying attention to it, that there are just some things that we all kind of need to pay attention to. We need to make decisions on as to whether or not we accept it or not. And we also need to just have some common sense about some things. And that's why I thought it was just a good subject, a good conversation to have. So if you are listening and you have any thoughts on this, I'm at 1-818-572-2910. You can call into us live. You can chat with us if you're out there and you got the program through blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio. You can scroll down and there's a chat room and I'm live on the chat room. And at the same time, if you are listening to this post-show, you can always go to our Facebook or Twitter page and make comments. Deborah Parker House Virtual Services is out there. She'll be tweeting, she'll be Facebooking, and you can just use those posts to make your comments in regards to this conversation. I'd love to hear your thoughts on it because Now granted, I'm mid-50s. I had a father that was much older. I had kind of the Depression-era father. If he was still alive, he'd be 100. And yet he taught us— and I have 11 siblings, as many of you who have listened to the program know— he always taught us from the youngest of age that I can remember to leave people and places better than when we showed up. And that kind of has been my foundation for how I go about business, how I, how I really, especially in the past, I would say 10 years, and I'll talk about how I went astray and how, what you will want to think about too when it comes to how do you show up in the workplace and how do you treat just the whole idea of professionalism and business. Because many of us, if you listen to that statement that my father taught us, you know, to leave people in places better than when we showed up, you know, many of us will have a different definition of what better means. And so I wonder if you have given thought to having almost like a business mission statement or a business mantra or your overall business acumen, have you ever really sat down and thought about it and defined it as to how do you wanna show up? How do you wanna be perceived? What is that impression you wanna make? How do you even want to expect other people that you're gonna be working with, engaging with, hiring, partnering with, you know, what do you expect from them? And I think it's a great exercise and we're gonna talk about it and then even kinda talk through it It's a great exercise, and it's a great tool to have in your toolkit as it pertains to whether or not you work for somebody or you work for yourself, whether or not you want to use it for, you know, the type of relationships you have or even the employers that you go after. It's just really good to understand what is important to you and what means a lot to you in order to kind of be successful and be considered even a leader, be considered as someone to follow, as someone to rise up and to raise up and have promoted, be sponsored, be supported, whatever the case might be. 'Cause I think, you know, if we're— if we lose that, if we lose people taking business seriously, even in the most casual, laid-back entrepreneurial or intrapreneurial type of environment, I think, you know, we can turn the business place into a real chaos and into a real difficult place to want to be. And yet, if we're going to be spending that much time doing something, 8 hours, 10 hours a day, 5 days a week, some people even longer, then we need to be able to kind of figure out for ourselves what's important to us and what's not, and then go seek those things that mean that much to us so we don't have to just tolerate it, but we actually thrive in it. Because the one thing that this experience taught me, actually a few of these experiences that I, that I laid out for you in the form of questions, whether it was, you know, how do you handle a person who's rude or dismissive or even a bully, to that showing up late or kind of constantly missing deadlines and leaving it up to other people to do their work and being okay with that. It just— this past several weeks, maybe full month, just really made me take stock of what was important to me, and I thought maybe you would be able to benefit from that as well, because everybody knows how important first impressions are. So a statement online basically said, and you might even know this, this statistic, but not everybody knows that the first impression is actually only a 7-second window upon first meeting someone. And that could, for you, that could be in an interview, a new boss, the first time you, you're in a client meeting a group of executives are considering you for an opportunity, it could be a new customer or vendor, or it could be a new relationship, and they're drawing their impression of you in— and I'm going to say less than 7 seconds because I've even heard 2 seconds is that window in time of which you come upon someone or something and you draw a judgment about it. So think about that. 2 seconds, you know, that's a couple of eye blinks, and you've already made an assessment or made a judgment about someone. Now, a lot of times people think, well, that's just a physical appearance type of judgment, but it really isn't. It's actually not. It's about your spirit. It's about who you are. You know, someone walking into a room or someone walking toward you or you walking up to a cashier or you going into a business meeting, and based on the posture, the attitude, even physically that it comes across in their attitude, and their dress and everything else, that's how quickly you can make a judgment on, and it's not just on the real physical. It actually can emulate one's attitude through their facial expressions, through the body posture. And that, for me, that is something that you certainly don't want to fake it, so to speak. You don't want all of a sudden be like aware that there might be an executive standing around me, so I need to— at the same time, you at least want to be conscious and, you know, pay attention to it, because if you are in a state of being that isn't working for you, you're going to want to be able to be aware of that so you can make adjustments to it. Make sense? And so what I kind of wanted to talk about is whether or not you actually think about this, whether or not it's something that you feel is important for you to really have a grounding in what your business mission statement or that mantra or that business acumen, what is your philosophy about how you should be showing up in the professional world? And then you can translate that even into life. Because it means something as to how you kind of foresee and how you perceive what the business setting should be, and therefore what you'll accept and not accept in the workplace. So let me give you a couple of other things to chew on and think about. My father, my father was a teacher. So it's not as if he put us around the dining room table, which we had done dinner every night around the dining room table. That's something that, you know, kind of is missing on the majority, I'll say. There's still families that do it. But so it's not as if he would, you know, sit us all around the table and he would go into a sermon or into a preach or into a, you know, or into a class type of conversation. It was just things that he would kind of observe. It was things that he would just all of a sudden subtly like ask you a question about. And one of those things that also always stuck with me is, uh, he would always tell us that if you were to dress up, you'll be welcomed anywhere. But you dress down and you'll see doors slamming in your face faster than you can, you know, blink your eyes. Now that doesn't necessarily mean that you have to be in heels or guys, you have to be in ties. It just means that you're presenting yourself in a way that creates a positive response, that people are going to want to engage with you. People are going to want you where they are, that they're going to want you to be part of this circle, so to speak, or the community or the club or the workplace, whatever. So it just really kind of gets you thinking about just whether or not, you know, you're showing up in sneakers and a pair of shorts is not just appropriate, but is that the impression you want to have? And I'll give you an example. I had— this is going back like about 9 months ago— one of my clients had asked me if I would coach their brother. He was looking for a job. I don't do a lot of career coaching, but I will. And he was looking for a job and he just needed some advice and some guidance, and he really needed to tighten up his resume and needed just some little tips on what to do in an interview. And of course, it being my client, but also being that this gentleman, my client, is just so giving himself, um, you know, there was no way I was gonna not accept that and offer that to his brother. So I, you know, I didn't have many conditions. I just said, okay, well, it needs to be on my schedule because my schedule at the time had been packed and I needed him to come to my office. And I have this— I'm part of this kind of innovative workspace that's around the city, so there's multiple locations. So I at least gave him a choice of which location. And so I show up, I'm there, he showed up, he's like right on the clock, he's not late, he's not early, yet at the same time here he was, Grant, and I'm not even going to discuss his age because I don't think that has anything to do with it, it was just being aware, remember, being aware and conscious of going into a business environment, and he shows up and in a jogging suit, and not only that, but he shows up with no pen, no paper, no notebook, no like briefcase of sorts, and forget the briefcase, he didn't even have his resume with him. And I just, and I called it out to him, because here he wanted me to be giving him advice and helping him tighten up his resume. I just wasn't sure how he expected me to do that when he brought nothing to the table, nothing to the— I don't want to say meeting, it was my time out of my day to help him and yet he brought nothing. So I know what I thought and I know what coaching I provided him, but how would you— first off, how would you show up if someone offered you an opportunity to to, you know, be coached, be provided some guidance and some expertise, so forth and so on. You're going into a business environment, um, you're talking to a business coach, leadership type coach, someone who's been in corporate, a corporate executive, you know.

Do you—

what do you think about when it comes to all of that, and how do you plan and prepare to show up in a situation like that? Do you think about it? Because I'll, I'll be honest, I don't think he gave two thoughts to it. I think his brother passed on information about be here at this time, this place, meeting this person, and nothing after that was thought about. Now I love to say that that has been the only time in at least 10 years that I've been on my own working, coaching providing, you know, guidance or teaching, whatever the case might be. I'd love to say that that was the first time, and I would love to say because it was because of his age or his lack of experience or because of a number of other, what I called earlier, excuses. But it wasn't the first time, and I'm sure it won't be the last time. But what's important is whether or not someone's giving even thought to it, if someone really even cares about their impression, about the perception that other people are going to have, the judgment that other people are going to have of them. And so I just thought it would be really beneficial if we just talked about some basics and then talk through how you might even be able to come up with your— if you've never thought about it, if you haven't thought about what is really important to you, then I can share some thoughts that might help you through that process and give you some, some tips and advice for how to go about doing that. And maybe, just maybe, as you move forward, you will be self-aware if you're not, if you feel like you've taken that for granted or it's just part of your DNA. I find my business acumen to be part of my DNA. But then I get thrown these few situations over the last several weeks and it forces me to sit down and think about how do I feel about that? Because I did have to make a decision as to whether or not I was going to continue working or getting engaged with that group of people. And think about it, everyone. Think about if someone across the table is really needing to, even though the opportunity looks great, the, the, the, um, outcome, you know, if it, if this were to happen, it'd be awesome, let alone what it could do for me, for my career, for my finances, for my own, you know, projects. It could be huge. And, you know, but what's more important to me is, but do I want to be in that type of environment? Do I want to be treated that way ongoing, and those first impressions send up those red flags that we all need to be paying attention to. And therefore, you know, I made decisions for myself when it comes to that, and I haven't communicated it yet, so I'll leave it to myself. But just think about the, the outcome, the result that you could be creating and you're not even giving it a, you know, thought. And therefore, what I want you to do is at least be aware, be conscious, and make decisions for yourself so that you can have the control as to what the outcome might be. You're not gonna have 100% of it, but at the same time, you can at least influence it to the best that you can do and make sure that it turns out for your benefit. And if it doesn't, there's other reasons for it not working out. Alright, so we're gonna take a break. I'm gonna come back. We're gonna talk through how you might evaluate your values, your traits, your business mission statement, and come up with something that works for you and that you can just stay conscious and aware of. We'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette's book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, TSR Consulting, who offers a broad range of tax service for small to corporate size clients. Go to TSRConsulting.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium size businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker78@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back, everyone. Do you hear the dogs? They're having a lot of fun, but at least they're, they're kind of keeping themselves under control. I'm sorry, but I absolutely adore dogs, so, and I do not care if they interrupt my program just because dog barks can be, you know, very cute. Anyway, I digress. Anyway, we were talking various situations, various behaviors that people bring to the workplace, and too often not really conscious. Maybe they don't even care what the other person's perception or impression is of them, and ultimately what their decision could be around it. But I need to touch back on, because I don't think I finished it up, I need to go back to that brother, that brother that I offered to provide some coaching advice tips when it came to his career, look over his resume, and he shows up not only in a jogging suit— we can put that aside for now, but— and I'll touch on it, but, you know, then he didn't even have his resume. He didn't have a pen. He didn't have a paper. And so what did I actually do? How did I handle it? And that would help if you knew that, right? So, so first off, what I did was I just, I settled in with him and I asked him if he was kind of ready. Is he, you know, kind of, is his head in the game and ready, you know, for this conversation? And he quietly said yes. And I said, okay, because, you know, one, he was all slumped down. We were sitting kind of in this booth type of cubicle and he was all slumped down. I said, okay, I said, do me a favor. I said, and again, you can do some of these things, you can make some of these observations and critiques, so to speak, without coming off very judgmental. So I said, well, why don't you do this? You know, why don't you— I often find that when people just sit up straight and have their hands in their lap, you know, it opens up their chest so they're able to breathe and they're able to, you know, just get a lot of, you know, air into their lungs and be a lot more attentive. So how about if we both go ahead and do that? And so he does, because the first thing I needed to make sure of is, you know, he— I would have perceived him and judged him as being really uncaring and really not wanting to be there. And if that were the case, then I certainly would have said, hey, look, it doesn't look like you're into this, you know, please kind of, you know, why don't you leave and we can reschedule when you're heads in the game and so forth and so on. So I wanted to kind of also get a response from him by doing this. So I simply said, why don't we both just, you know, sit up straight, allow our, you know, lungs to open up and breathe and ensure that we're both, you know, ready for this conversation. And, and you know, he kind of was responsive, at least spatially. And so then I just kind of put it out there and I said I needed to find out if he's ever been on a job interview before or have had a business meeting, you know, with a professional before. He had not. He was young. I just didn't want to throw his age into the mix because it's not an excuse to me. It's not an excuse. So then I said, okay, so let me— then I was able to say, so he said, no, I was not. So I asked him a question that allowed him to provide me some information that I wouldn't have to then make a judgment on. I would actually just kind of take that information and provide feedback to him. So I said, well, let me give you some pointers when it comes to, you know, whether it's meeting with a boss or it's, you know, meeting with a boss that he might be, you know, working on a golf course, let's say, And he wasn't working at the time. He'd still been in school, in college, and he wasn't required to have to get a job because his parents wanted him to focus on his studies. Totally acceptable, totally appropriate, no problem. At the same time, though, then he definitely needed some coaching. So I said, okay, so let me give you some pointers. One, I said, let me ask— first, give you a question. Do you feel that a jogging suit isn't appropriate for when you're coming and making a first impression with someone in the business, in the business world, in the business environment. And he said no and started with an excuse, which I stopped him on. I said, no excuse, just a yes or no works. So no. So what would you wear? And he— and so at least when he responded, well, you know, when he responded with a suit and tie, which is going to be a common immediate response from a guy. You know, at least he was conscious. So I said, well, you know what, actually you may not need a suit and tie. What you might— you, you know, being dressed up is better than being dressed down, but you might also inquire on what the dress code is. Because FYI, everybody, I don't care if you're a millennial or a, you know, baby boomer, you can show up in certain places and be overdressed for places that are wanting to set the appearance of being more relaxed, more business casual. So you might want to reach out to an HR department and ask. Now, if you walked into— in with a suit and tie or a dress and heels, no one's going to shun you. At the same time, they may suggest— and this has happened with a boss of mine, it happened multiple times— where they would ask him to take off the coat. We don't, you know, we're not a suit and tie type of place. You can feel free to take off your coat. And Darryl, my longtime boss, was always really good to understand that, that you want to dress appropriately. And like my dad says, you can always get in anywhere if you're dressed up, can't when you're dressed down. But the minute Darryl would get an idea that the company, you know, was not a suit and tie type of place, He'd be taking off his jacket, taking off his tie or loosening it at least. I'd be, you know, maybe taking off whatever pearl necklace I was wearing or whatever the case might be. So anyway, going back to the young man, so he at least knew what would be appropriate for a job interview, and I said, "Okay, so then explain to me why is it you don't have a pen and paper with you?" you or your resume with you. So again, to the question of how would, you know, how did I handle this, the best thing you could do without being, you know, someone who's just telling and pointing a finger or, you know, just kind of critiquing, ask them questions. Make them answer their own questions as to whether it's appropriate or not. So he basically said, well, I, you know, I left the house you know, without a paper and pen. And I said, and again I said, well, do you, you know, is that really appropriate? Is that really something that maybe you needed to turn around when you realized it and gotten a piece of paper, a pen, your resume? Because I'm not sure how we can work together today without it. He's like, well, I have it on my cell phone. And again, you're going to be dealing with millennials out there if you're not one yourself. They live by their technology. Doesn't mean it's acceptable. Doesn't mean it's right. So I explained that to him, and I simply used the fact that, well, and I won't use his name, let's call him Bob. I said, well, Bob, how do we make edits and how do we work together on your, you know, little phone? And how is it really appropriate if you don't know if the person is sitting across the table from you is technology savvy, and they're looking for you to come in and hand them something that they, they can then make notes on and they can keep for the file, so forth and so on. So I handled it by just simply putting it back on them, not being the one just telling them, this is the way you should do it, this is not acceptable, this is not right, wrong, or different, making them think themselves about their behavior and their actions. And then simply I did say to him, okay, well, the next time we're going to meet— because we were going to meet, I agreed to meet with him and really work through what he then worked on from it, from his resume perspective— I said, well, then I want you to use this next meeting, the second meeting, as if it was the first meeting, and, and, you know, kind of take the advice that I provided you. And fortunately, when he showed up the next time, It was very appropriate and it was a whole different individual. So we all have to remember, we're not all walking around thinking about these, conscious about these things.

Should we be?

Well, that's, you know, anyone to judge. But what you can do is provide guidance, provide observation, provide questions for them to be reflective on and not make judgments. Not automatically critique, because that's just going to put somebody on the defensive, and that's not coaching or mentoring. That's just demanding, and you don't want to do that. You want to coach and mentor, and that's asking a lot of questions and letting that person make the judgments. Now, if he had said something like, "Well, I just don't care," or, "Well, I like doing things on my phone versus paper," Well, then you might, you know, get a little bit firmer and just say, but that's you, and you're not— you know, this, this is your job interview, but it's also my interview of you and my assessment of you, my determination of whether or not you're going to be someone to work with. And therefore, you need to be thinking of the other party, party or person, not just yourself. I would have gotten a little firmer had he not been very receptive to the coaching I was providing. So I hope that answered your question. Now I will touch on— I won't give you the response because I haven't spoken to the group of business people that I had been meeting with on that Friday and Monday. But what I will tell you is I did pull someone aside and I did kind of— I didn't— I asked them, you know, kind of what happened 3 hours It wasn't traffic. Is there a situation? Is it even a good time to be having this meeting? Because now we're only down to the last couple of hours and I can't be late leaving this meeting, going to my next meeting. And I was getting a little bit firmer and firmer in our conversation because he wasn't very receptive to it. And I just said, well, this is not my mode of operation. And I said, and I'll I'm going to get to a point of whether or not, you know, I can add value and contribute to this arrangement, this project, this situation, and I'll let you know that, you know, in the next week or so. And I will, when I reach him, I will be very direct and very firm about why I would be or wouldn't be taking that opportunity. So sometimes you have to be firm. And direct, and sometimes you have to kind of lead them— lead them along, not lead them on— lead them along for them to understand it for themselves. Does that make sense? Okay, so let's see, where then was I? All right, so if you really care, if it is a concern of yours, or the perception, the impression, that 2 seconds, that 7 seconds, whatever it might be, You know, there's just simple things you could be doing in order for you, even beyond that 7 seconds, to own and be responsible and make a good impression in the workplace. And you can also, you know, leverage it for your, for your regular life. And it's really just understanding what is important to you and what is important to you from other people, what is important for you to for you to set an example or to set the impression for other people of you. Okay, that really came out all mushed. Okay, so there's two ways of looking at this. There is what's important to you, how do you want to show up, and then, you know, what is it about the workplace, your boss, the big boss, your teammates, how do you want them to even be expected of you. So think about kind of what are those values that you live with each and every day. If I think about my leaving people and places better than I found them, and I thought, what, you know, what does that mean? If someone's asked me, well, what exactly does that mean? What's important to you? What are your values? What traits do you find really important apply to, you know, your business. And I would say, well, I always want to elevate the other person. I always want to make them better. I want to create community, collaboration, and engagement. I want to be seen and behave in a very patient, compassionate, and kind of a good listening type of way. And trust me when I say that patience has been a very hard thing to learn over the years, but it became extremely important to me when I left corporate. And as I've been through my shedding process, I realized I never had patience, I never had tolerance, I never had compassion. I really didn't care what and how you felt. As my, you know, teammate, my peer, my boss. It was all about how I felt and what results I received and I wanted to pursue. So your, your qualities, your values, your traits can grow, can change. There's some that are just part of you, and I know that compassion and Community has always been part of me. You know, my parents, my brothers and sisters, they instilled that in me. But sometimes we lose our way, as I admittedly did. And yet you, you always come back at some point in time, even in the, you know, the last moments of life. You always come back to who you truly are. So you think about those qualities, those values, those traits, those characteristics that are important to you. If you want an environment or you want to be creative and innovative, if you want to be seen as dependable, reliable, committed, confident, self-reliant— excuse me— then you just act and you just, you know, behave in those ways. And you make them a part of your so-called business mission statement, so to speak. If you really never thought about what's important to you, because I didn't, I mean, I was probably 50 before I really sat down, no, maybe 40, maybe 47, 48, before I really sat down and said, okay, what are those values that are important to me? What are those qualities in people in qualities that I want in myself, that I, you know, want to be around, I want to work with, I want to follow, I want to lead, I want to engage with, I want to fall in love with, I want to befriend. It's, you know, it's important for us to have that understanding of ourselves, and yet many of us don't. Many of us just walk through life really never thinking about it. So your values are those things that you believe are important in the way you live and work. They can determine, and they do determine, your priorities. All of a sudden you realize that you want to be creative, you want to be out, you know, able to work outside the box, you want to be flexible, you want to have a community, you want collaboration, you want engagement, you want inclusion. It all of a sudden kind of steers every decision you make about who you work with, who you partner with, who you made up with. All of a sudden, if you're realizing that you want something that's very structured, something that's formal, something that's very polished, something that is kind of process-driven, well, then that, that then steers your decisions about who you work with, where you work, who you engage with, who you befriend, so forth and so on. So those are things that are really important to you and that really drive kind of how you live both at work and at home. And then you could look at traits or qualities of individuals. These things are relatively stable through one's lifetime, but like I said, they can change. You know, I went from being this sassy, precocious, loving teenager, young teenager, And all of a sudden, you know, power, position, and prosperity became more important to me. And to me, that meant then that I had to, you know, kind of be ruthless, and I had to be very selfish, and I had to be very greedy about pursuing my career and even my life. And those things, thank God— and I literally mean the man above— those things changed. Those things I came back to what was really, what is really important and did away with those qualities and those traits of not only myself but other people, you know, because you attract who you are, you attract who you are, you go out in the world as a loving, compassionate, engaging thought leader, great person and those are going to be the people that you're surrounded by, if you go out into the world and your values, your qualities, your traits are dismissive, are demeaning, are curt, are abrasive, are selfish, are greedy, whatever you want to call them, then don't be surprised when you attract those people in your life. So you decide, what is my business mission statement, so to speak? I go back to, I want to leave people in places better than I they were. So that's a statement. That's why I call it my business mission statement. That's— and it's not your company mission statement, it's my business, personal business mission statement. So you can use your qualities, your traits, your characteristics, your values to really determine how you want to show up in the world. And trust me when I say, you start putting thought to it, and you are conscious and aware of it as you go forward, you'll be very surprised and very happy with the result that you get back. All right. And so lastly, I would just say, as we close out this conversation, you know, just consider that the world is not just you. The world's made up of a lot of other people that you serve, that you support, that you engage with, that you collaborate with, that you include, that you commune with. And therefore, what is that impression? What is that position? What is that statement you want to be making for them to want to bring you into the fold, so to speak? And I can guarantee you, you do that, you are conscious and aware of it, and you will find yourself succeeding more. Maybe not more, maybe you're succeeding wonderfully, you just never really thought about this and now you do, and things are just going to get better and better and better over time. All right, okay, so go back to our ShadingTheBitch.com radio channel page, go back to BlogTalkRadio, go to iTunes and pull down this episode and/or any of our other past, um, over the last several years. And we've had some great guests as well as we've had some great Ask Bernadette Anything episodes where you get a lot more tips and advice regarding some business, career, or life challenges, stories, or questions that you might have. And then I'll look forward to having you right back here next Tuesday for another episode of Shedding the Bitch Radio. Thanks everyone, have a great week. Thank you for listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. Join Bernadette every Tuesday at noon Eastern as she helps you shift your bitches to riches. And the dialogue is always going on at sheddingthebitch.com. See you next week.