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Hello and welcome to Shedding the Bitch Radio, where you can discuss, debate, and get advice on how to discover and shed the bitches of fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negative mindsets so you can realize your dreams and life purpose and create and accelerate the riches you want in life. Join us here live every Tuesday at noon Eastern and dialogue with us at 818-572-2910. You can also chat chat with us at blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitch or share your stories on our website at sheddingthebitch.com. Whatever the bitch is that's holding you back from living your life to the fullest, it's not worth giving up the riches in life that you deserve. So call in now and let Bernadette Boas know what's holding you back. 818-572-2910.

Good day, good day, good day everyone. How are you on this unbelievably beautiful Sunday.

Sunday!

Where am I? I meant to say September day. I'm just so overwhelmed with the fact that 8 months of this year has already come and gone. It's the first week of September. It is post-Labor Day. I hope you had a fabulous, fabulous Labor Day. I know mine was relaxing. I worked a good bit, but that's okay because when you love what you're doing, you don't mind having to take some time out from your holidays and vacations and whatnot. And this particular month is a big one for me. So I had decided to— I decided to get some work done over the weekend in order to make sure that I hit some big deadlines that I have at the end of the month. But I hope you had a glorious Labor Day. Hope it was relaxing. Hope it was fun. Hope you got to spend some time with the family and the friends. Maybe your kids are back to school like Alanta's are already, or maybe they're prepping to go back. I also hope you had an opportunity— why do you want to talk, Charlie? We're just getting in. I don't have nothing more for you. Nothing more for you. He thinks I have some of his bones for him, so he might say hello a little bit more frequently today than he has in the past. And so anyway, so I hope you had an opportunity to reflect over this Labor Day weekend just about what's gone on in the last you know, several weeks, especially where Hurricane Harvey is concerned, but not only over in Texas and Houston area, but then as it moved and started hitting even Louisiana and some other areas. And it certainly, certainly got me thinking just overall about life, about how quickly it can change. One moment life is just great, and everything seems super, and then unexpectedly it changes, and it's kind of pulled out from under you. So I am saying prayers and asking all of my friends, family, and fans to say prayers and just continue supporting and helping those out in Texas, Louisiana. And I guess we're, you know, got the risk of Irma coming through as well to the south. I guess it's the Florida area. And even Bermuda and the islands. Category 5 at the moment. Hopefully it'll die down and maybe be a heavy rain occurrence, but not much more than that. So let's keep our fingers crossed. Now on another note where it comes to that is I had suggested last week that— on the program— that you donate to the Red Cross. And I love the Red Cross, don't get me wrong, I do. As I kind of followed it along the week, it just started beginning to frustrate me that anytime a Red Cross representative was asked—

hey, come here, bud.

Come on.

Come here.

Was asked about where our donations are going, they couldn't emphatically state that they were going to Harvey, that they were going to Texas. And that started really gnawing at me. They just kept on stating that they're going to their services, of which they provide services all around the world, or maybe it's the country. That's a good thing for me to look up, but I want to say they help all over the world because even situations overseas or down in Australia, they will send help and support and resources. So bottom line was it started kind of making me think that it might be a better option to send or find local charities and local foundations that are supporting the relief efforts efforts down in that whole area. Maybe you have a friend, like I actually have my best friend in Florida has a cousin in Houston that got caught up in all of this. So they certainly could use even direct donations, like directly to them. At the same time, they have provided some suggestions as to where to donate your, your monies. Now that said, I also will suggest you take a look at a CBS This Morning news brief yesterday morning, I believe. If not, just go to my main profile page on Facebook and look for the posting. But it talked about the fact that here many of us feel drawn to send, you know, packages of clothes and diapers and teddy bears for the kids and coats and those type of things. And yet this news briefing showed just what percentage of those donations go to waste as a result of the fact that they're not the right items or they don't have enough resources or space to really tend to them. So basically they were advocating that just please find a place to put your money as opposed to packages and boxes of donations of things that may not be what it is that they need. Now certainly the water bottles and whatnot, but They even showed how there was thousands upon thousands upon thousands of water gallon bottles that would go to waste simply because the fact that if they're left outside for any given amount of time, they are, the bottles are heating up and you know how that plastic.

Come here, Charlie. Come here, bud.

Come here. That plastic in water bottles will actually cause more harm than good. So again, again, donate, help, but put it where you know it's going to go directly where you want it to go. All right? So just, we all need to say our prayers and well wishes, send them well wishes and do what we can in order to help. At the same time, you know, we're preparing for another situation. So let's just be grateful and let's just be reflective. Focus on how good our lives are and also just be there for others that, that need us because we never know that our lives could change in an instant and therefore we're going to need other people's help. And that brings me actually to a second request before we get into the whole Ask Bernadette episode is a situation that kind of hit and changed the lives, or changed the lives, yes, of one of my friends and their family. I had just learned this past week that a very dear friend of mine who is very athletic, very outgoing, very adventurous, outdoorsy, long story short, she had a car accident about a year and a half ago. And bringing it to the current time, after a year and a half of dealing with some leg injuries, Last Friday, a week ago, she had to have her— good part of her left leg amputated. And of course that kind of, you know, came as a shock to all of us as I'm getting texts making sure that I was aware of it. And that was one thing, but then I did want to rush in there and go visit, and I did, and yet I was taken aback by just the reality of it. Again, a situation where your life changes on a dime. And I was speaking to a friend of mine last night about it who had gone to visit, and she's a friend of, of hers as well. And the two of us were talking about just how not only the fact that life changes quickly, but things happen like that and not only influence and impact the immediate person and their family, but everyone around them. So I kind of had the two of us really think about what it, what it meant and how it would impact and influence on the periphery. Because we all learn from situations like this. We all learn from situations like Harvey. We all learn from tragedy and triumph in our lives. But some of us just question God, question why these bad things can happen, question you know, why, woe is me. And so we kind of sat back and reflected on the fact that Harvey, for me, made me realize how blessed I am. No matter how much I'm struggling, no matter how much I'm succeeding, you know, it, it really made me appreciate my life as it is right now in this moment. When it comes to my girlfriend and what she's now dealing with, again, it made me appreciate not only what I have and how I'm physically fit, I'm healthy, I'm strong, I'm mentally confident and empowered, whatever you want to call it. Yes, I have my, my bad days and I have my good days, but more so, it really taught me that the strength in other people is just unbelievable and amazing and life-changing. And seeing her strength, how she's going to deal with it, and how she's already convinced us as to how she's going to deal with this situation, just made me walk away going, you know what, if she can be that positive and constructive and empowered in such a short period of time after a significant life-changing situation, then I certainly can as well. And hopefully the people around me, I can inspire to do the same. So all I'll say, and we'll close out this portion, is just to be appreciative, be grateful for, for your blessings, for your lessons as well, and then do what you can to help others because you never know never know when you're going to need their help. And then, and the last note I'll say is, and accept their help. Accept their support. Accept their donations. Accept their charity. Because your pride, when you're dealing with a difficult situation, is not going to help you to move on and to learn and grow from any situation that you might be dealt. And so, for someone like my friend who is very stubborn, very strong-willed, very determined to succeed on her own, she's slowly learning that she just has to give in to that and accept support and help and charity and donations and anything else. So we'll leave it at that and just be grateful for life as we have it. And we'll say that we have some great guests coming up. Today's episode is Ask Bernadette, ask me anything you want, and I heard that there's a new kind of tag out there about AMA, ask me anything, and you can, so we'll get to that. Our upcoming guests are really exciting. We have some very expert but very empowering, very driven men and women who are going to talk in regards to everything from how to be The CEO of Your Life with Stephanie Barnes. Then we're going to talk to one of our favorite guests, Kathryn Carrigan, again. She has another book out. It's like her 8th, 9th, 10th, of which she wins awards for each one of them. And she's going to be talking about the difference between pain and suffering. Pain and suffering. So you don't necessarily have to suffer when you're dealing with pain, and you don't necessarily have to have pain when you suffer. So we'll talk about that with her. And then Andrea Arena, who She helps really professional women, but people as a whole, just kind of find that work-life balance, if there's such a thing, or integration, however you might look at it. So she'll be kind of trying to calm our chaos when it comes to all the amazing things we want to do in our career, business, and life. And then we have a number of other guests that will be appearing throughout the rest of the year. So if you ever have a guest that you would like us to have on, and it fits within the Shedding the Bitch community of trying to help women kind of deal and succeed in their life challenges, in their life opportunities, in their life riches, whether it is at their job or in their own business or in life as a whole, then please feel free to email either, either mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com or directly to me at BernadetteBoas@shedinthethebitch.com. Alright, we're going to take a short break and then we're getting into all the questions that you are— or have provided me. And if you are listening live and have one of your own, then feel free to either post it on Facebook or Twitter and Deborah will take a look for it, or call directly into me at 1-818-572-2910. If you're one of the individuals who had provided me questions, and I have a number of them, then feel free to even jump on the call and I can drill into even further whatever that story, question, or challenge that you provided me. All right, so we'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, connect, confront and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette Boas' book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, TSR Consulting, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate-sized clients. Consultants, go to TSRConsulting.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium-sized businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker78@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at MediaRelations@SheddingTheBitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back everyone. Yes indeed, this is Ask Bernadette Boas. Bernadette episode AMA, ask me anything, whether it pertains to your career, maybe your own business, or some aspect of life. And I get them all. And when I can't answer them and maybe one of my experts can within my vast network, then I kind of make sure that either one, I get their information or get their feedback and input from that expert prior to the show, or I'll hook them into the show and Or I will nicely tell you that I don't have that information for you right now, and I will be having an expert get back to you on whatever that question, story, or challenge was. Because in all fairness to you, I want to make sure you are getting the best expert advice that you can. And as much as I know a lot of things, I don't know everything. We'll get you taken care of one way or the other. The point and bottom line is you want to ask and make sure that you're getting that guidance, that mentoring and support.

All right.

So our first question today, and I love this question and it's very appropriate for something that's happened to me over the last couple weeks. So I'm happy to kind of share that with you and at the same time provide Shelby— some great advice when it comes to some tips, books, or advice around kind of helping her to come out of her shell. How can she be more extroverted than her introvert— introversion, if that's a word. Jennifer will kill me, and I'll explain that in a second. But what can she be doing to just kind of, kind of let herself go and be more open and more social, whether it is at work or at home? So I mentioned Jennifer, Jennifer Kahnweiler. She is an expert and local here in Atlanta, but she's also a global speaker, author, and expert on introverts. And she has a number of books, but there's one that, Shelby, I would advise you to pick up and read, and it is The Introverted Leader. Now don't read into that as, well, I don't care to be a leader, I'm a solo whatever you might be. The points and the aspects and the tips and advice that she provides in this book apply to anyone who is known to be kind of a quiet, shy individual. She even kind of peppers in there some advice if there's a chance that you might be considered a doormat or someone that people take advantage of very easily. And yet, at the same time, great, great insights. On what you could be doing to kind of get out of your shell and be more open in both, you know, kind of big arenas or small social engagements. So Jennifer Kahnweiler, you can find her books at JenniferKahnweiler.com or simply Google or search "The Introverted Leader" and you'll find not only that particular book, but she has "The Quiet Influencer" and a number of other books and resources that you can easily access. Now, that said, believe it or not, there was a time— as extroverted as people think I am— there was a time where I wasn't great, kind of natural, kind of loose, kind of not such a stick in the mud when it came to social engagement. I was always very rigid, very kind of you know, formal, and I just couldn't let my guard down.

I—

it was suggested to me, actually, it was suggested to me that I take a comedy class. A comedy class that both allowed me to express myself in writing as I worked on a comedy skit, but then also gave me the freedom to then practice that skit in a safe environment with a very small group of people to then kind of again let my guard down and express myself both in writing and verbally with a group that I got to know over time and that the coach and the lead comedic genius, Jeff Justice, actually the one in Atlanta, guides you through. So that's an option. Find a class such as a comedy class or even an acting class. I also did those at one time, and I do them, I pepper them in over time over the years. Because again, you know, a lot of actors, most actors, if you speak to them, will tell you that they're very insecure, very shy, very quiet individuals. And acting or comedy or even improv allows them to kind of put on a mask or put on a persona other than their own and come out of that shell. And it just helps them break down their walls and their insecurities and their just, you know, doubts as to whether or not they'll be accepted. Because sometimes shyness, or a lot of times, that's what it's all about. But I mentioned improv. I've done it before over the, you know, kind of just once or twice over the years. Always loved it. I watch Whose Line Is It Anyway. I don't know if you watch that. It's produced by Drew Carey, but there's a number of Wayne Brady and a number of other unbelievable comics in that show. And improv's all about kind of learning how to be thrown a situation and you just kind of perform or act it out. And I happen to join a group that's local. Shout out to our local Collier Hills Improv. Improv class that started up not even a month ago, and I went for the first time last Tuesday night, maybe Wednesday night. So a shout out to Stephanie and Knox for putting this group together, and shout out to Ryan and Clay and Mark who, along with me, just had a ball of a time, and hopefully more people will join us. But those are, again, safe situations that if you are shy, if you are insecure about opening up, or you just don't know what to say, you know, you don't know how to create that icebreaker when you walk into a room of strangers, for instance, and you just kind of find yourself in the corner all by yourself hiding behind maybe a drink or something that you're eating. All of those type of things will allow you— those acting classes, those improv classes, those comedy classes, the books that you read and hear of other people's stories and the ways they've overcome it. All can be very helpful to, from everything from learning those icebreakers to really just kind of letting go and letting your hair down, as they say. Now you can also, if you don't want to spend the money and you don't want to go into those type of situations, you can also help yourself. Give yourself daily challenges. You know, for instance, as I've been shedding my bitch, as we all call it here in the Shading the Bitch community, going back 8 or 9 years, I actually would have to consciously tell myself to smile. I would have to keep that in my head, and as people would approach me, I would have to tell myself to smile at them. Like, not fake smile, just genuinely smile. I would also challenge myself on a daily basis to say, okay, I'm going to say hello to 10 strangers before the end of the day. Or I'd give myself a challenge to where I would say, all right, I'm going to I'll go into this situation, this social or professional one where I don't know anyone, and I'm going to introduce myself to 3 people. Say hello, how are you, what do you do, those type of things. So that could be something very easy, very free that you could be doing. The other one would be very much like I'm doing now is to even Set up a video camera or put on your webcam and start talking to yourself. Whether it is forming a kind of professional piece of content, or it is just that you want to get comfortable in front of a camera or in front of a microphone. And you don't have to share it. You don't have to do anything with it. Just sit back and just start talking to yourself. Or find something that you wrote and read it. Or find a book and just read the book into a camera. Into a microphone. Trust me when I say it will start letting your guard down. It will start letting your hair fly loosely, and you will all of a sudden feel yourself loosening up. Now, will you be as extroverted or as gregarious or as loud as someone like myself?

No.

And I would hope that you just find who you are by just allowing yourself to be completely open and, um, and welcoming to the environment around you. All right? So I hope, Shelby, that provided you some tips and advice when it comes to that. And at the same time, if you're in Australia or if you're in Atlanta, all you have to do is Google some of those recommendations that I provided around comedy classes and improv classes and acting classes near me. That's all you'd have to do, and you'll probably find tons of resources that would allow you to do that.

All right.

Now, coming up next, we get serious. Not to say that's not serious, but we get really serious about what really is the purpose of HR, human resources. We'll talk about that when we get back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette's book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon. Amazon and shuttingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, TSR Consulting, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate size clients. Go to TSRConsulting.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium size businesses. Email deborahparker@deborahparker.com. 78@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back everyone, this is Ask Bernadette. Ask me anything. Maybe it's about your job, your boss, someone at work that's just a nudge. Maybe it's about the fact that you want advancement and you're not quite sure how to go about doing it. Maybe you have your own business or you want to start a business, and trust me when I say there's tons and tons of questions that you're going to have when it comes to starting, growing, and managing your business. Maybe it's just about life. We're here in the Shedding the Bitch community, I'm here along with my vast network of experts and our community of fans, followers, and friends to really help you just get the support that you need. Not sit there all feeling like you're on an island all by yourself and not having the support of addressing a situation you might be encountering and overcoming it. So post your questions at any time on Facebook or Twitter, and I will respond immediately. But then the first Tuesday of every month, we come right here to Shedding the Bits Radio and we dig into them even further than what I might be able to do on Twitter or Facebook. You even have an opportunity to call in, even live right now you'd be calling 1-818-572-2910 and I'll take your questions directly then, or you can call in if you had submitted a question but you want to kind of interact with me in the response to that question. Alright, so Facebook, Twitter, Twitter, email me directly, BernadetteBoas@shedinthebitch.com. I get a lot of questions, especially through LinkedIn, or someone just emails me on their own. Alright, so just ask. That's the key part. Alright, our next question comes from Michelle Fisher, and it gets serious. It's around the purpose of HR, human resources. What is its purpose? Is it to protect the individual, the employee, or are they there to protect the company, the reputation of the company, the stability of the company, so forth and so on? And this is a tricky question because they're there for both. Yes, they are there and they should be there for you as an individual, for you as an employee. So you need to feel safe, protected, and comfortable being able to go to them if there's a situation that arises that you can't, or you've tried to and you haven't been successful in dealing with it directly with either a team member, maybe a subordinate, or a manager. The human resources department is there to be your coach, your guidance, you know, counselor, so to speak, your support system in not only dealing with situations— HR isn't only about complaints. It's also there to help you, along with your manager, to develop your career plan, to provide you guidance and advice about how to navigate the organization. They're there to obviously help with benefits and all the, what they call, transactional type of things. That an employee and HR work together on. But they're there really to be an advocate and a supporter of the employees. Now, that said, they also have a responsibility to adhere and ensure everyone else is adhering to the policies and procedures of the company. Now, they often, you know, appear as if they are— separate entities, separate situations, separate things. But they can come into conflict with one another at certain particular times. So say a situation arises, and it actually— I'm not sure if it's the same person, but we actually then got a question in regards to whistleblowers. But we'll address that next. But let's just use that quickly as an example. Of a situation where the individual, the employee, may feel that HR is there more so to protect the company than they are that individual. There, you know, there's a sense that they're there to protect the leadership before they're there to protect the individual employee. So if an individual employee has a situation with a subordinate, has a situation with a manager and they're unsuccessful in dealing with it directly with that subordinate or manager, there is times when they go to HR and that HR kind of favors or has a situation where they have a bias with that manager or subordinate and therefore you could create a conflict for that individual HR person. Is that appropriate? No. Because HR is supposed to be unbiased. HR is supposed to be neutral. HR is supposed to be objective. HR is supposed to be there to logically deal with situations, good and/or challenging, with anyone within the organization. And it wouldn't matter if it's the janitor to the CEO. The HR person is there to facilitate and navigate and guide advancement and/or mitigation of any situation. But they will come in conflict at times. So you need to, as an individual employee, you need to feel safe and you need to feel secure in approaching HR with anything that you— that you are dealing with. If you don't get the response, if you don't get the support, if you don't get that unbiased, objective handling of your situation, then that's time to even kind of, okay, I've tried with HR, now I need to go even higher through the food chain, up, up the ladder. I've had to go directly to CEOs to deal with situations that I've tried to handle through HR, try to handle through our immediate team hierarchy, and yet neither one of those worked. And the next thing you know, I'm sitting in the lobby of the CEO's office. And/or even for a client, trying to, you know, navigate third-party hierarchy, bureaucracy, however you want to define it. But HR is there for you as an employee, and you need to feel safe and supported in working with them. However, recognize that we are human beings and our emotions and our biases do kind of seep into our work at times. And that is unfortunate, but that is the reality of it. Now, when it comes to bigger situations, and I now will segue into this next question as far as whistleblowers are concerned, because this is a is a time when HR will often appear as if they're protecting the company as opposed to protecting the individual. And again, you know, there are situations where it's never appropriate. I mean, there's a lot of laws, which we'll talk about in a minute, to protect the whistleblower. However, unfortunately, sadly, there are some corrupt individuals meaning the HR people or the leadership team of companies, that will create issue for that, for that individual employee who has come forth. So the other question that I was asked about, for some advice, are do whistleblowers have protection? Because too often, at least this individual is telling me, too often they see that whistleblower eventually fired. First off, surprising you know that, unless that individual who's the whistleblower confided in you, because typically anything that's done under the umbrella of whistleblowing is extremely protected, extremely confidential, extremely, you know, closed book, not to be discussed, not to be disclosed, even if there is a settlement, even if there is some form of retaliation. Now, it could be the fact that that individual, maybe you're— it's a coworker or a friend of yours who confided in you about going forward and raising up this situation considered whistleblowing. And then you saw them, he or she, fired as a result. However, I will ask you to be careful unless it's you directly. I'd be careful as to understanding whether or not that firing was as a result of their whistleblowing or some other situation. Because there are situations, and you can open up the, you know, newspaper or Google situations of whistleblowing where something's come out through that legal complaint that that individual raised up that then kind of highlighted something about that individual and caused them to be fired or let go. So I'd be careful and walk on eggshells if you're a third party to a whistleblowing situation and you are drawing conclusions from just the information that you know. Because you— trust me when I say you don't know all of it. Because it is so protected. Now, whistleblowing is protected locally, statewide, and federally under the Sarbanes-Oxley laws that were developed back in 2002. So they are there to protect the whistleblower from retaliation from companies. So yes, there is a lot of protection from whistleblowing, and yet at the same time, again, going back to that previous question, just because there are all these protections doesn't mean there's not some sort of corrupt leader or individual that then, you know, says we're firing this person regardless of the fact that they are protected. And yet, there's a huge risk to that individual person who fired them as well as to that company that they took action against a whistleblower. And there's tons of laws, the Sarbanes-Oxley 2002, law covers all the situations that then the whistleblower themselves can act on, that they could act on and address through legal action. So if it's you specifically dealing with the situation, then know you're protected and just do a lot of research on the Sarbanes-Oxley 2002 laws locally and federally. If you're a third party, I would just say kind of mind your own business and keep yourself out of it because it could raise up issues for you. All right. Okay. So we're going to take another break. I'm going to see why Charlie is barking in our ears. And when we get back, we're going to be talking about how a very— another tough situation. It's actually an HR situation. And it's about— kind of cultural differences. Let's just leave it at that for now. But we will be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette's book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch. Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors: TSR Consulting, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate size clients. Go to TSRConsulting.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium size businesses. Email deborahparker@deborahparker78@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back everyone, it is Ask Bernadette, ask me anything, AMA. I might have to start using that going forward. I just saw it this morning online, but it's Just ask Bernadette. Ask me your career questions, your business questions, your life questions. Tell me your story. Raise up the challenge that you might be having that you could use some guidance and support on. Regardless of what the situation is, just get the help and the support, whether it's from me or someone else. But I have a vast network and I would love, love, love to be able to help someone within the Shed in the Bitch community should you need it. So don't hesitate to reach out. Now, of course, a lot of people come to me and/or don't come and they tell me, well, I don't necessarily want to share my name or I don't want to disclose who I am and so forth and so on. You don't have to. You don't have to. Actually, when I get questions in and they tell me that they don't want it to be shared, their name, then I just kind of say, okay, I'll refer to you in initials or I'll change your name, whatever the case might be. Or I don't use one, because you often will hear me just raise up the question and not share with you who gave it to me. So don't let that be an excuse for not getting the help that you need and the advice that you need and want. All right? Make that promise to yourself and to me. And there's something scratching my head. Now hopefully Charlie will remain quiet for the rest of the show, though he seems to be walking around as if he's not going to. But let's see, let's dive into this one. As a business owner, how do you tell an employee or even a manager that they might smell, that their dress is inappropriate? Just how do you share with them in a very constructive understanding and passionate way of a difficult, maybe, situation. And as much as I laugh, it's more out of discomfort because I've actually dealt with this situation myself. But this is from Tim O'Neill. He did provide me his information and wants to know, how do you tell an employee or a manager that they smell. This is difficult, and this is one of those HR situations as well, even though it's a business owner. This is one of those human resource situations because there are laws that do protect individuals against employees from any type of— here again, retaliation, any type of issue being raised or discipline taken as a result of certain things like cultural behaviors, cultural habits. And so, for instance, there are some cultures that don't believe in necessarily daily showering, or even some, some that don't use detergents or soaps or have a certain way of cleansing themselves or maintaining their hygiene. So there are some sensitivities that have to be taken in that regard. And as opposed to me acting as your HR expert or your legal expert for that matter, what I would suggest to this HR— or I'm sorry, what I would suggest to this business owner is to refer to your HR person. If you don't have one, maybe you're a small business and you just don't have a formal HR person, then reach out to HR experts or do some research on it for yourself, especially because they also could differ depending upon where you are. We are an international show. I don't know where Tim's from. I don't want to assume he's from the States. And so you also want to ensure that you're following local guidelines, local policies, local laws around how to handle those type of difficult situations. Now, if, you know, if you do want to, and this isn't— you don't foresee this to be a more formal kind of legal situation, and legal probably not the right word. There are just ways that you as a mature, evolved, self-aware individual leader can approach that individual, and it's really just kind of being compassionate and being sympathetic and being understanding to whether they, you know, share with you that it's not their custom to, to, you know, shower, bathe, or do certain hygiene behaviors. And then it's a matter of just being kind of collaborative in how to solve that problem together. What can the two of you do so it's not impacting, if it already is or will impact those around you? So you just have to be very sensitive and very compassionate and understanding when you address that. And, you know, you could ask questions about their culture, about their background, about their upbringing, about their disciplines and habits to really understand a situation. I had a friend of mine actually, you know, raise up that I didn't realize, because I have a bad sense of smell, I didn't realize that a detergent that I had been using, this was a handful of years ago, a detergent I was using was kind of leaving a nasty kind of smell. And it wasn't, it was a combination of nasty and very kind of just potent flowery. And I guess I didn't recognize it all myself. And she kind of pulled me aside after a meeting that we were both in, and she kind of just said, you know, have you started using a different detergent? Or have you, you know, changed your shampoo? Because there's something that is, you know, so she kind of detracted from whether it's not, it's my body, my cleansing, my hygiene, versus maybe it's something external that was causing the situation. So there's ways such as that that you can bring up a situation. You know, a number of people have raised an issue that there's a particular smell coming from your office or coming, you know, from when they're next to you. Smokers have that situation. I can't stand when someone who is a smoker, you know, comes up and meets with me or comes up and just engages with me immediately after having a cigarette. I used to have a boss that would, immediately after he went out smoking, he always landed up in my office and he's leaning over my shoulder or leaning over my desk toward me and, you know, just reeking of cigarette smoke and it just, you know, was horrible. So I then, you know, eventually had to just pull him aside and say, hey, look, Ken, could you do me a favor? You know, the smoke, I can always tell when you just had a cigarette when you then come and approach me and talk to me. It's coming from your, you know, clothes, wherever. So there are ways to be sensitive in regards to how you would approach that with an employee or a manager. But if you think that it's encroaching and/or you learn that it's encroaching on maybe cultural habits, then you need to be careful in that regard and respect those differences and therefore brush up and learn. About them before maybe you address them, and/or engage someone who is an expert in handling those type of situations, because you don't want to find yourself in a legal situation simply because you're trying to maybe bring up something that someone's not aware of, like my situation, or that it is, you know, kind of a situation that has to get addressed because it's causing too much of a concern and an issue for the people around that individual. So you do want to address it, just be compassionate and understanding and sympathetic and ask a lot of questions and do some research beforehand, engage the right people, and/or just raise it up, minding the sensitivity of the situation. All right. Okay, we have one last question. Question, and it's going to end on kind of on a personal note, actually. It's a question I came up with as a result of my new learning of the situation that my friend is in. So the question is, how do you handle seeing a friend for the first time following a difficult situation, an accident, an illness, you know, and all of a sudden you're kind of facing, you know, you're coming face to face with a person who your image of them is one thing and now the reality is a whole different thing. And how do you do it sympathetically, respectfully, and compassionately to where they're not uncomfortable while at the same time you don't want to be uncomfortable either. So We're not even going to take a break, we're just going to dive right into this. Excuse me. Because it is, it is tough. You know, you don't maybe have an opportunity to be prepared for it. So I started, I'll use my situation with my friend, I started receiving texts of the situation and the fact that her car accident a year, year and a half ago was the cause of all the medical issues she's been having for the last year and a half, but primarily over the last 3 to 4 months. So I was trying to wrap my head around that to begin with. How does a car accident, you know, all of a sudden, a year later, start impacting her legs and the nerves in her legs to where it gets to a point where she loses it? And so then I was receiving the text of the amputation that was going to be done. And then I'm receiving the text in regards to kind of the degree of the situation, the amputation. So I'm kind of preparing. A friend of mine and I, like I mentioned, were going in to see her and visit with her over the weekend. So I'm getting it in my head as to what what this might look like and what I might say or not say. And I have to admit that when you all of a sudden you're there and you're confronted with her and she's been in the hospital at this point, in this particular round of hospital visits, she had been there for about a month. So she was definitely, you know, appearing very different. She had lost a lot of weight, she had cut her hair. And then at the same time, it was immediately obvious that her blankets, though covering, you know, her legs, you can certainly see that, you know, one of those legs ended at a certain point. And it took me aback because here I was thinking it was, you know, one degree of an amputation, and it happened to be a lot more of a situation. And so I just go into almost— and I learned this with my father in hospice— I just tend to go into logic mode. You know, I tend to kind of shut down the emotional side of it and just start kind of really focusing on her and asking her a lot, you know, questions, but not intrusive. Although I found her to be very, very open and engaging and she wanted to share and she wanted to kind of almost make us feel better. And in turn, I just kind of stayed, you know, focused. Now my friend kind of went quiet. She too was taken aback, and yet she felt that, you know, the less she said, the better for both of them, because she was going to be very emotional, and was, and it might in turn cause our friend to be emotional, and she didn't want to upset her or disrupt her. So how do you handle, you know, coming face-to-face with a friend? Maybe they've dealt with cancer, maybe they have been in a car accident, maybe, you know, I had a friend years ago who, you know, became a quadriplegic as a result of an accident. You know, you just really, again, even though it'll be different when you're thinking about it to when you're confronting it, again, just be compassionate, be sympathetic, have them in mind as opposed to having you in mind. So as opposed to thinking about how you're going to feel, how you're going to react, how you're going to handle the situation, kind of transfer that to how does she, you know, handle it? How is she dealing with it? What does she need in order to effectively deal with it? How do you respond and react? In a way that's not going to then upset and disrupt that person. Just kind of transfer the emotion to that individual, as opposed to thinking about yourself, about how you're going to handle it. Just, you know, be sympathetic and compassionate and understanding to that individual, and then you can walk out of the room., as we did, walk out of the room and all of a sudden, you know, start revealing and exposing your own emotions and your own feelings. Now there are some people who would say, no, break down if you need to break down and wrap your arms around her, you know, if you need to. The only thing I would say to that is ask yourself, is that for you or is that for them? Because I'm not saying that how I handled things and situations is necessarily the right way. But I would just keep in mind, is it, you know, is your heart there for them, or are you trying to protect yourself? And if there's any sense of that it's about you, it's almost like what we talked about at the top of the hour with people wanting to send donations and teddy bears and winter coats and things that, you know, people who just lost everything really don't need. The person being highlighted in that CBS News briefing was actually saying, you know, there's a lot of times people just think about what they need and what's going to make them feel better and feel as if they were able to contribute, and that's what they do. There's nothing wrong with that, and, you know, we would never want to, you know, boo-hoo on anyone that wants to give and wants to help, but you do want to think about is how you're responding and how you're handling something about you and making you feel better, or is it really about the other person who could really use your compassion and your support and your love and your hug and maybe your tears? So, I would just leave you with that. Just, that's what you kind of want to focus your energies on is ensuring that you're there for them and therefore you just kind of, adjust yourself in that regard. I hope that helps. Like I said, that's certainly not an area of expertise for me. I just take it from my own personal experiences, and that really hit hard this past weekend. And so again, my prayers go out to anyone who's dealing with a difficult situation such as that, and my prayers— and would love all of your prayers to be with her and her family as she's learning her new norm.

All right.

Wow, that went fast. I want to thank all of you for being part of Ask Bernadette on this particular episode. And again, we have some great guests— Stephanie Barnes, Katherine Kerrigan, Andrea Arena— coming up in the coming weeks. I can't believe it's September. It's football! And it's— fall, and I just hope you have a wonderful and beautiful day and week and month. And I'll look forward to having you and talking to you right back here next Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Thanks everybody, talk to you soon.

Thank you for listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. Join Bernadette every Tuesday at noon Eastern as she helps you shift your bitches to riches. And the dialogue is always going on at sheddingthebitch.com. See you next week.