Can someone really Shed the Bitch and change?

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Hello and welcome to Shedding the Bitch Radio, where you can discuss, debate, and get advice on how to discover and shed the bitches of fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negative mindsets so you can realize your dreams and life purpose and create and accelerate the riches you want in life. Join us here live every Tuesday at noon Eastern and dialogue with us at 818-572-2910. You can also chat with us at BlogTalkRadio.com/SheddingtheBitch or share share your stories on our website at sheddingthebitch.com. Whatever the bitch is that's holding you back from living your life to the fullest, it's not worth giving up the riches in life that you deserve. So call in now and let Bernadette Boas know what's holding you back. 818-572-2910. Good day, good day, good day everyone! How are you in this time of daylight savings time. I'm so excited. But I did, I have to admit, I did forget about the fact that it's dark still at like 10 minutes to 8 in the morning. And yes, it'll adjust and things will, you know, get more lit, more light. It'll become lighter earlier. As we go forward. But that kind of caught me off guard on Sunday morning. And I actually slept really well. I know a lot of people, they lose that hour of sleep and get all twisted. But for some reason, I was able to kind of, you know, just coast with it and not be as impacted as I have been in the past. But it is wonderful. And it is— it's just, it's great that it'll be light out longer in the evening, then you could be more active and you can, you know, feel as if that you're actually able to live life as opposed to hibernate in the dark and cold. And I understand that, which I really didn't pay attention to, I understand that the government actually is looking to keep it to daylight savings time. And on a phone call with my writing coach the other day, yesterday, he had mentioned that he thinks that, you know, this time next year it will be permanently put into place. How wonderful would that be? And, you know, we started talking about the fact that, well, it would, you know, keep people more active. It would keep people not hibernating and therefore not eating and not, you know, kind of becoming reclusive. In those dark hours, that kind of thing. So, it would be a wonderful thing. I'm certainly, if they ever asked for citizens' votes, I would certainly be one to vote yes for it. But I hope you're all kind of recovered and you've caught up on your sleep and you're hitting the ground running in this because we also are going to be transitioning into spring in, I guess, 10 days? Roughly. So it's just a beautiful, beautiful day, and we have a great conversation that we're gonna have today. It's not gonna be all around whether or not can people really change, can someone really shed the bitches that consume them, and more so because I've been asked this twice in the past like week and a half, can bitches really change? So I thought we could have that discussion because it is a top of mind to many of you based on the conversations that we've been having. But I first, I just first, and it kind of ties into this conversation, I first have to vent a little bit. I often just will sit on my couch or sit at my desk and I will have the TV broadcasting on behind me. And not very loud, but just enough to kind of intrude on my mental state. And I had, it just so happened that it was The View. And that's with, I guess, Meghan McCain and Joy Behar and Whoopi Goldberg, although I guess she's out on a medical leave. Whomever. I really don't pay attention to it, but like I said, it kind of just seeps in. And what I have noticed though, and what really kind of just got me all worked up this morning, is here they were spewing about the fact that they, you know, they are not really supportive of this divisive, you know, world we live in and all the hate and all the criticism of people and just all that crap that is really causing us to be somewhat of an ugly society and a very divisive one. And yet As soon as they say that, they start beating up and judging and ridiculing, I don't know, some politician, de Blasio up in New York City, and I guess he was videotaped dancing, so of course they, you know, were talking about how a 57-year-old white man that's 6-foot-something should never be dancing, should never definitely be videotaped dancing, and they just had a field day with it. And then it turned out that what he was dancing to in a church— and it happened to be an African-American church— that they were dancing to the song, um, uh, geez, I Believe I Can Fly. And so then they started trashing the fact that he was dancing to an R. Kelly song. And so they were saying, you know, how ridiculous and how stupid and how ignorant and naive that is that he was in a church. Well, first of all, they also kind of threw everybody in that church under the bus saying, how dare they play this song, and let alone dance to it, and then a politician's dancing to it. Well, here, I mean In this 3 minutes, I went from kind of sitting on my couch with a cup of tea, you know, sitting on my computer working, calm, cool, and collected, and I'm just getting pissed. I mean, it's just boiling up. Of course, I had to hit Twitter and kind of comment to them, if they even pay attention to it, because, you know, there was so much within that. There was so much of the hypocrite— of being hypocritical. In regards to not wanting to spew hate, but here they were spewing hate. They do it on a regular basis, from what I understand. Here, you know, they're spewing and throwing everybody under the bus that would even play an R. Kelly song. And they're supposed to like maturely debate topics, you know, pop culture, things like that. And yet you know, mature is never a word that I would use for them. So, and I, you know, I'm sitting there going, wait a minute, I would have never— I'd never really realized that I Think I Can Fly, or I Believe I Can Fly, is an R. Kelly song. Call me ignorant, call me naive, I just don't pay attention to the artist linked to the song or the music. I just— that's the way I am, and I don't have albums, I don't buy full CDs of artists. I tend to like every, you know, different type of music, so I go from one song to another. I don't— I'm not one who necessarily listens to albums worth of the same artist. So I just thought, oh my God, here they just trashed me as much as they've trashed anybody that would love that song, let alone, um, uh, dance to it in a church or not a church. So I just kind of needed you. I kind of needed— because it's still on. Well, I guess it ended at noon when I came on here, but I needed you. I needed to kind of come here and just get all that off my, off my chest because I certainly didn't want to then lend that anger that was boiling up to kind of feed into our conversation regarding you know, shedding the bitch, can people change? Because you would automatically go, um, I do not think Bernadette has changed from, uh, you know, who she says she was when she was a raging lunatic. But I promise you, I have. And it is probably why I am even more sensitive to it when people like that— well, especially when 40-something, 50-something, and in some cases 60-something year-old women on a platform such as a television show like theirs are kind of the poster child for spewing hate and judgment and ridicule. And it just got me going this morning. But on a different note, I just needed kind of to let that go. On a different note, we've had some great discussions over the last number of weeks. So go to sheddingthebitch.com to our radio channel there. To download any one of the episodes you might have missed, you can go to iTunes, you can go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and get all of our episodes past, current, right now, or future. And we've had discussions in regards to the differences in the value of coaching, mentoring, and sponsors. We've talked about shedding the stuck bitch. So if you've been stuck, we gave you some tips and advice in regards to that. We talked about finding love in you in order for you to then find love in life. We've also talked about shedding the excuses because they kill your dreams. And then we go back as far as, you know, having conversations in regards to, you know, what you could be doing if you have any desire to share your story, tell your story, write your story., and our guests have discussed kind of how you can go about doing that. So, we kind of COVID the gamut, career, business, and life, whether it's one-on-one like today with just myself and you, or if it's with our guests. So, you can always check out all of those programs and episodes and podcast versions and download them. You can also go to iTunes at any time. And pull them down there. So let's see what else is going on in the world. We had a wonderful, wonderful International Women's Day. I hope you enjoyed it too. I hope you found ways that you can contribute to it, not only that Friday but every day, especially being that I have about 97% female listeners. We could be really moving the cause forward each and every moment of each of every day. Not only in the actions that we take, but also our beliefs, our views, the way we do treat and interact and behave and support other people, especially girls and women. And then as well in the workplace, in giving those individuals' opportunities, the same pay, just overall equality, respect, decency, all that kind of good stuff. So Women's Day continues each and every day. And of course, the 3% of you men out there who we love, you're the key. You're the key. So I will kind of make one request to the women out there on this idea that men are key. I'll go to a great number of conferences, summits, workshops, speaking engagements where there's other speakers as well, panelists, that, that sort of thing. And a good amount of the work that I do is for women, so a lot of them are women-focused. Events and workshops and summits, etc. What we need to do a much better job at, ladies, is if we know, let alone believe, that men kind of are the main reason why we have this disparity and these biases and this inequality, then we need to bring them to the table. We can't be so animate and self-centered to where, like, certainly we want to have opportunities where we just hang out with women. And maybe we even have conversations just amongst women, whether that is formally or informally. But if we are looking for change and if we are looking for, you know, even policy adjustments, We need to bring the men into the conversations. And I can't tell you how many places and how many events and how many forums I go to and it's a woman's focus forum and yet there's not one man on the panel, as a speaker, in the audience. Well, it does too often happen that it's supposed to be for females only and there's men always show up. Not sure women would show up to a man's event, but men certainly feel able to come into a woman's event. And you know what? We need them there, but we need them also to be at the front. We need them to be, you know, talking about the need to change and talking about the need for equality and, you know, getting— ridding biases and that kind of thing. I have to bring up too that on this note, I was very, very impressed. If you heard the news piece about the women's national soccer team are filing suit for equal pay as the men's national team. And they have a lot of reason to be demanding it. They have been number one for— I can't even tell you how many years. Winning all the national, I think even international, someone might correct me there, championships. And here the men are like ranked 23rd, 24th. And they make, you know, 2, 3, 4 times the amount of money that women make. Now what was wonderful about all of this is that the women, or I'm sorry, the men's team and the head of the men's team, national team came out in support of the women getting equal pay, which is a beautiful thing. Now they're run by two different organizations, two different unions, you know, so forth and so on. However, it certainly helps— this is my point— it certainly helps that the men are saying, yes, the women deserve equality in this case. So anyway, that's my soapbox for the day, and we will move on from that because I spent a little bit too much time there. But International Women's Day continues each and every day, and every one of us individually and as a group or a tribe has the opportunity to help with those changes. All right, so today what we are going to talk about is, you know, can people change? And can someone, especially one that might be deemed a bitch, can they really change? Can they really go from being, you know, it's everything that Shunning the Bitch is about. Can they really go from being a bitch to one that is rich, and not monetary aspects, but in all aspects, emotionally, spiritually, financially, emotionally, psychologically, in all aspects of their life. And the reason why this continues to be a top-of-mind subject is when I go out and I speak and I talk about my own transformation, my own shedding that I've been going through over the last— it's been like 8, 9 years now. I will get, I can kind of count on it that I will get a question from the audience about, you know, do you really believe a person can change? And meanwhile, I am standing there right in front of them and I am like, of course. But then they need some, they need some validity, they need some proof, they need some connection for them to be able to relate as to what they might be dealing with and going through versus what I might have dealt with and went through. And so I thought it would be a great conversation for today's program. So that's what we're going to be talking about is can someone shed the bitch and change for not temporarily, but for life. Your rich question that I want you to be thinking about, and if you're listening to us for the first time, we ground our topics of conversation for the day in a question that we want you to be thinking about as we you know, talk. And you can always reach out and call us at 1-818-572-2910 and have a conversation directly with me. You can even go to our chat room, go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio, go to this episode, scroll down if you're listening live, and you'll see, see a chat room there. And you can join us in that chat room that we are always paying attention to. But if you are downloading us at a later time after we've gone live, you can always go out to Facebook or Twitter on Shed the Bitch, and you can leave us a comment, question, whatever the case might be. And Deborah of Parker House Virtual Services, she's our woman of the, of the radio and of our social media, so she'll make sure that I get that information back so I can respond to you at any time. All right, so your rich question for today is, what is it about yourself— what is it about yourself that you want to change? What is it about yourself that you want to change? And this has to be more grounded, it has to be more internal. It can't be, oh, I want, you know, I want different hair, or I want to change up my wardrobe, or I want to change my job. This is really about you, your habits, your behaviors, your beliefs, your values. What is it that you feel that you want to change? And when we get back from our, from our break, we will dive into exactly not only how you can go about that, but I just also want to get rid of this idea that you can't change. And there are some elements to that that we definitely need to talk about.. So we will be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette's book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon Shuttingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors North Georgia Tax Solutions, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate size clients. Go to NGTaxSolutions.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium size businesses. Email deborahparker@ deborahparker.va@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements. Of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back everyone. We are talking about shedding the bitch for real and answering the question, can people really change? And I left you with a rich question around what is that one area of your life, aspect of your life that you want to change. And I should have mentioned that if you are tweeting or Facebooking with us, you can use our rich tags, #Change, or hashtag as usual, it's #ShedTheBitch. So use either one of those to reach out to us on Facebook or Twitter on our Shedding the Bitch pages. All right, so this whole idea of whether or not one can change. And we've talked about this on the program before, and so you, if you've listened to us regularly, you know my kind of stand, stance on this, and that is, of course, as long as you're above the ground and you're breathing, you have an opportunity to change and make changes in your life. So whether you're 20 listening to this program, you're 50, or you're 80, Unless, you know, or until they nail that coffin shut and, you know, drop you down 6 feet into the ground. There, of course, there's always opportunities for change. However, people get really confused in this area, and this is kind of the different slant that I wanted to talk about today as well, is because it's hard for one to change, One believes that, well, they can change other people to kind of meet them, you know, whether it's in the middle or all the way to their side, and they can change, and they feel that they can change that other person. And let me make it really, really clear that we're going to dig into it a little bit further. You can't change other people. You can't. Uh, you can try, especially ladies. We always, you know, when it comes to men, we always want and think that we're going to change our man. And in, in a lot of cases, we may do that. We— it may appear as if we've made changes in them to suit whatever it is that we want. And/or need in our world. But if you dig into those relationships and those dynamics a little bit further, you'll find out that, yes, physically, you know, you might have been able to change them, you might have even been able to change their habits and behaviors and their routines and whatnot, but deep down inside you haven't changed the person. You just have changed the exterior. So I want to— I definitely want to dig in and talk about that first, is, you know, why is it that we want to change other people, and what does it really do, and how satisfying is that to us individually, as opposed to really stepping back and saying, you know what, I can't change other people, the only person I can change is me, and then going about and doing the work and facing the fears and everything that comes with it in order to effectively and positively change ourselves. But, you know, why do we want to change somebody? And it really does come to this idea of what shedding the bitch is about. So shedding the bitch is all about trying to really be aware and shedding the insecurities, negativities, and doubts that we have about ourselves. When someone's not ready or not able or not wanting to do that, if they really don't want to take that hard look in the mirror and see kind of reality, then what they'll end up doing is projecting it on other— on someone else. And it doesn't have to be a loved one. It could be a friend. It could be a colleague. It could be just someone within your, your circle. Because we feel that we have to kind of ensure that the people that surround us meet the needs that we have, meet the expectation from other people that there are. In a lot of cases, and I'm sure many of you know someone who does it out of a way of controlling or manipulating. You know, they— and they can do that in a number of ways. They could also do it because what they're really doing is they're kind of projecting their own desires of security, desires of confidence, desires of even physical traits and looks and behaviors onto someone else to appease their own insecurities. That individual, in doing so, is really kind of saying— is almost like a cry for help to say they're not happy with themselves, so they're going to, in a what some might perceive positive or a negative way, change another person. And so I want you to think about this and really kind of understand this. Consider if you have someone in your world, in your circle, who is— who when you kind of set yourself up for change and you say that you're going to go on a diet or you're going to give up something, like right now it's Lent. Lent started last Wednesday. And so say you say you're going to give up drinking for the, for the time, or you're going to drink— give up spending and, you know, going out to, you know, dinners, and maybe you're gonna cut it back to once a week, or maybe not at all. And yet that other person is seeing that impacting them. Well, if she's giving up drinking, she's not gonna want to go out. If she gives up, you know, going— wanting to go out and spend money on dinners, then I'm gonna be bored at home. And therefore, all of a sudden, they're kind of, kind of creeping in and sabotaging your desire for change. Now you probably can sit there and go, oh yeah, my friend does that, or my sister does that, or my brother does that, or someone at work does that. You know, they try to sabotage me, or they're trying to enable me in ways that I don't want to be enabled, and yet I allow them to. So you can probably easily kind of look at other people and point the finger at those that kind of are guilty of doing that. Now I want you to kind of turn that mirror around and, and kind of look at you and say, is there a chance that you're doing the same to somebody else? Is there a chance that your own insecurities, doubts, uncertainties that you can do or accomplish something, or you know, your negativity toward, or your, your self-beliefs and your core, core values kind of are not, are not what you really want them to be in regards to strength and confidence and high, high self-worth and that kind of thing. And so you do that to other people. You enable them, you sabotage them, not consciously in a lot of cases. Some, in some cases it is very conscious. But a lot of times someone, even when you point it out to them, they'll be like, no, no, I'm not trying to do that, I just thought you would like it, or I just thought that it would be fun, or it wasn't very expensive, or it was, you know, a great opportunity. And yet you're sitting there looking at them going, but I told you I didn't want it, so to speak. So this is your opportunity to kind of get real about whether or not you're doing that same thing. You're trying to change, you're trying to alter, you're trying to control, you're trying to manipulate, um, someone else as opposed to turning that mirror onto yourself. But what happens when you do that? And again, think about it, and if you need to, think about that person that does it to you. How do you then begin to feel when you start realizing, and, and, you know, because maybe it is a loved one, maybe it is the, the person in, in your bed, or maybe it's a friend, or maybe it's a family member, or maybe it is your boss, whomever it might be, and they are, you know, acting these ways of self-sabotaging or manipulating or controlling, or they're trying to change you, um, and you kind of catch wind of it, you know, because you're kind of skewed to, to not see it because of your feelings for them and your connections, or even your obligation or desperation to have that job or be in a relationship, whatever the case might be. But eventually you all of a sudden, you know, come and say, wow, you know, that actually is happening, um, and I don't like it, and I need to do something about it. But maybe your own fears and doubts and whatnot keep you from confronting it. And so what happens? How does that manifest? And we all know how it, how it manifests. We all of a sudden start getting resentful. We start getting a little bit curt or a little bit defensive or a little bit reclusive maybe, or, or we kind of get standoffish. Maybe we do start moving to the right, so to speak, in that, you know, we start backing away. We start feeling less love or respect or kindness for that person because we don't want to be treated that way. We want to be treated respectfully and kindly and maturely, but yet that behavior is starting to eat at you. All right, and again, how many of you can raise your hand and say that at some point in your lifetime— doesn't have to be current— at some point in your lifetime you've had that type of dynamic and that change in a relationship because of those behaviors? Okay, I'm pausing, and I know that's hard on when, when we're on a broadcast, but now I want you to kind of turn the mirror back onto yourself and say, when or how or to whom have I done that? You know, in what situations and, you know, in what environments and to whom have I kind of tried to project my own control, manipulation, you know, power onto someone else in order to satisfy me, in order to fill my voids, in order to, you know, fill my gaps and take care of what I want, and yet it wasn't in the best, the best way for that other person. I want to meet the person that can actually say, "I've never done that." Not even in the slightest degree. And sadly to say, sadly to say, but I, on that flip side, grateful to be able to say that I have done that way too often. And that is where one aspect of, um, how and where I needed to change myself, you know, 5, 10 years ago, and what and how Shedding the Bitch came about. But until I recognized it and became conscious to it and realize I didn't like it, I didn't like how I was actually feeling, did I change? But before we get there, I really then had to consider that the other persons in my life who I was trying to change and I was trying to project my own stuff onto will start feeling that themselves, will start feeling resentful, will start feeling trapped, will start feeling disrespected, and therefore they start backing away, or they start getting very defensive, or they start, as you know, to a strong degree resenting, and therefore the relationship starts breaking down. So it may feel good at first that we want to change other people, and it may feel good to have someone who looks the part and acts the part and does the things that you want them to do and, and buys you the things that you want them to buy and advances you in your career, um, so forth and so on. However, at some point in time, uh, you know, that person's going to kind of wake up to it, and that relationship, that dynamic will change. And it's a matter of if you kind of catch yourself first before it does, or they bring it to a point of closure, and/or, you know, they demand a change from you. So it may feel good at first, but it certainly over time will not. And more importantly, what really hit me as I started kind of realizing how everything I say, I do, I project, how that actually causes the other person to lose themselves. And that's what a lot of us don't really own up to, and they— and we don't really even recognize it, is even our desire to want to change somebody, even our commenting that, oh, I wish that person did this or looked like that, or whatever the case might be, is kind of saying we want that person to be something other than themselves. We want them to lose who they are. And that's a sad, sad state of affairs. And so if anything kind of might jar you to really saying to yourself, wow, I never looked at it that way because I certainly didn't. Again, it was all about me. And so I want you to think about, you know, is it at times— may not be all the time, but at times— is it all about you? And do you really understand that your desire even, let alone your actions, to change someone else is actually saying that you want them to lose themselves because you want to take away who it is and what it is that they're about. And that to me kind of like, kind of broke me down and made me, made me realize kind of I needed to make, I needed to make a change. And that will bring us to our second part of this conversation, which is the only person you can change is you. And therefore, when we get back after this break, we need to get into, okay, we certainly are now awake. We might not have— we know it won't happen overnight that we change from wanting to change other people, but we certainly don't want other people to lose themselves. That's not what we're, what we're made to do when we're put on this earth. So we realize, okay, I have to change, and I'm the only person I can change effectively. So when we get back, we're going to dive into exactly how you can go about doing that. We'll be right back.

You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette's book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, North Georgia Tax Solutions, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate size clients. Go to NGTaxSolutions.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium size businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker.va@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at media-relations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.

Welcome back everyone. We are talking today about how one can shed— truly, truly shed the bitch— and how one can actually change. I'm asked this question often, and it really just leaves me stumped, whether it's a 20-year-old or an 80-year-old asking me, do you really believe someone can change? Can a zebra change its stripes? Can a leopard Change Its Spot. And it flabbergasts me because it is so sad to think of anyone saying to themselves, no, I could never change, whether I am 20, 60, or 80. Because I believe that, you know, as long as there is breath and, you know, and air coming in and out of my chest, I want the opportunity to change and grow and transform and learn. And therefore, what we're talking about is just how to go about doing that. In our first part of our conversation, if you are just joining us, we talked about how it is that many of us, as opposed to changing ourselves, we work on changing other people. And a lot of us, you know, in your defense, do it very subtly, very unconsciously. Almost like those, excuse me, those unconscious biases we talk about that exist within us, each, all of us. You know, this type of control, I'll call it, of wanting to change and working to change other people can also be that subtle, can also be that unconscious. And so in order for real change to happen, we have to look at ourselves and we have to kind of become aware of the fact that we're doing it. We're trying to change other people, and the reason why we're trying to change other people is because we're trying to, you know, fill a void or fill a gap that we might feel within ourselves. So when we get the real aha moment of saying, okay, wait, I need to work on myself before I do anything, um, because then I'll realize that I really don't need to change other people. Other people are just wonderful the way they are, and I, I'll accept them as they are. Because when you are in a place of pure, uh, self-love, self-respect, self-appreciation, and joy for yourself you all of a sudden just will kind of look at anybody and everybody and just want them to be themselves and just want the same for them. And therefore, all of a sudden, your desire to want to change other people, your desire to judge and ridicule and demean and manipulate and control other people just really melts away. And that's where I truly believe people find it very hard and they ask the question, can people really change? Because they just, they just don't see a world, let alone— well, they don't see individuals, let alone the world. They don't see it to where they say it could be kind of purged of judgment, ridicule, you know, manipulation, control, simply because of just everything we have kind of coming at us, whether it's the media, whether it's social media, that we just don't see that it could ever be a kind world, as Ellen Wille espouse every day. But it can be. And if we can't make it a kind world, we can certainly make it a kind you. We can certainly, again, start with ourselves in order to then transform the world. So it leaves, you know, this whole conversation comes back to you. And again, it will only happen, only, only, only happen when you're absolutely ready for it to happen. You don't have to have necessarily a major tragedy in your life, but that certainly, you know, does provoke massive change in someone. You know, if you ever met a cancer survivor or a heart attack survivor or a car crash survivor, are, you know, used, or some abused survivor, you certainly find them always evangelizing the fact that they see the world differently. They see the, you know, they appreciate life, they appreciate breath differently, and therefore they do make permanent transformative changes. But for the average Joe like you and I, you know, in order for us to really get to a point of change, it might look like that you're just really kind of done making excuses. You're done not achieving your goals. You're done kind of put— placing blame on everybody else around you. You're kind of done not having and doing and being who you want to be. You're done playing the victim. You're done having a pity party. You're done, you know, being depressed, laying on your couch, uh, not wanting to do anything. And you're done being a devil's advocate. You know, if it's— you know, someone says blue, you say black. If they— if they're happy, you're miserable. And you get absolutely just tired, exhausted. Burned out or frustrated, feeling so negative. And I can tell you, and I do find it hard to believe today that, you know, 10 years ago, maybe even 8, but 10 years ago, I lived for many, many, many, many years, even though I had a big smile and my eyes were bright and shiny, I lived with a lot of negativity. With a lot of devil's advocate, with a lot of boo-hoo. Not boo-hoo, oh pity party me, but more so if someone said the sky was blue, I would say it was black. And as much as other people find it astounding that that's kind of the person that I once was, I do too, which makes me very pleased, very happy. But also continues to validate and prove to me that we all can change. But we get to that point. And maybe you just kind of decide you don't have to go through all that. Maybe it's even something as much as Lent. A few of us were talking, actually it was several of us are Christian and then there was an atheist at the same table. Having dinner. And so we were talking about Lent and we were talking about, you know, giving up drinking. I had given up, um, do not laugh, but I had gave up Benadryl and cursing and Diet Coke. So those, those were my sacrifices. And let me make sure I at least explain. So the Benadryl was more so because, one, I do get allergies, but also I do like you know, how it makes me feel when I go to, go to, go to bed and go to sleep. It does help with that. But then that made me think, oh gosh, I don't want to get addicted to Benadryl. And then cursing, well, yes, when I play pickleball, I curse a lot. And it's not with, you know, internal, internal, it's very loud. So anyway, moving on. So, you know, it could be something like that. It could be, you know, the New Year's resolutions. You just decide that you, it's not this major transformative change, but it's these little things, little new habits, new goals, new behaviors that you decide that you want to take on and change. And therefore, that can lead and build into more transformative change. You know, but you have to then get very, very committed to it. You have to look at it as this isn't something that I'm just going to do, you know, for the 45 days of Lent, for example. I do want it, if it's going to be transformative and it's going to be permanent, I do want, you know, do want it to be for the rest of my life, for example. Now what that means is, though, you don't want to say for life. It is nice that there are things like Lent that you take 45 days, or you take 30 days, or you say for the next week, whatever the case might be. It's those little steps that will kind of help you to make those more permanent changes. But you definitely, definitely, definitely have to be first committed to wanting that change. And then you have to identify what it is that you want to change. You know, is it habits? Is it behaviors? Is it self-beliefs? Now it needs to be the self-beliefs. That are focused on when someone wants to make transformative change. If someone really wants to, you know, go from being a bitch to being rich, it's internal. It's not the fact that you might have OCD or the fact that you might curse or, you know, you're taking Benadryl or you're drinking too much. That's a little bit more serious if there's addiction tied to it. But, you know, all of it really starts with internal. Even those, you know, obviously those addictions, you have to be able to be aware of what those triggers are, what those self-beliefs are, what those values are that you hold within yourself. And you may need to make changes to them so then you can positively resist those, behaviors, addictions, bad habits, whatever the case might be. And you can actually adjust and shift the beliefs that you have within yourself and of yourself. And once you do that, you can then make a plan as to how you're going to go about doing that. So it goes back to what we talk a lot about here, is self-awareness. You're— you make that commitment, and that you know that something needs to be altered, something needs to shift, something needs to be different, something needs to change. And then you put a plan in place to go and make those changes. You might even decide you want to align yourself with a coach or a partner. I have clients, whether it is leadership type of coaching that I do in a corporate or an entrepreneurial environment, But I have individuals, actually all over the world, but I have individuals that come to me and just say, you know, I'm just not, you know, feeling great about myself. I just need to make some changes and really understand why I just allow myself to be taken advantage of, or I put myself into bad relationships, or I don't believe I deserve that advancement or that new job opportunity. And so it's not necessarily technical or skill-based or attribute-based, but it's more internal. Now, I wouldn't consider myself a therapist, though you could talk to any number of life coaches/business coaches, but life coaches, and they'll tell you that anytime you're dealing with an individual there's a degree of therapy that you're providing help with, or you're providing therapy, because the mindset drives everything about an individual. So you might decide to, to engage someone, even if it's a friend, you know, that you can trust and, and they can hold you accountable, or if someone professional. But lastly, And I want to end on this note, and I'm going to use one of my clients as an example. But lastly, we need— you need, when you want to make a change, when you want to keep your resolution or keep focus on your goal, whether you want to really become self-aware and learn who you truly are, so you can appreciate and self-love. You need to be patient and kind to yourself. You need patience and kindness to yourself. You can't, you know, ridicule yourself the minute you falter. You can't give up the minute that you falter because you will falter. You need to be patient and you need to Be kind to yourself. And then you need to give yourself time. Now, patience relates to time, but you need to recognize that these things don't happen overnight. Yes, the most simplistic thing is, oh, you can change a habit in 21 days. Whether or not that's true or not, that's still, you know, out for debate. 21, 30, whatever the case might be. But you need to recognize that transformative change, it takes days, weeks, months, years to make those changes. However, just focus on right now, at this moment. If I had told you 10 years ago, or I told myself 10 years ago, it was going to take, you know, 8 to 10 years for me to get really to a place of, you know, kind of fully shedding all that crap and all that junk that I used to spew, um, in my earlier days, uh, I would have been like just absolutely exhausted before I even got started. I would have been like, well, hell, I don't want to wait 10 years. However, now 10 years later, looking back, it feels like it was yesterday because we all know, especially as we get older, how time just seems to fly and and all of a sudden what you think was just a couple years ago turns out to be a decade ago. So you need to give yourself patience and be kind to yourself and give yourself time. And I have a client that, without mentioning who, but I have a client that is struggling with this. I was asked to help them, and I won't even reveal a gender, but to help them with their leadership style, their behavioral style. And it, again, it comes down to that person's self-belief within themselves and, you know, what they say to themselves as to how they then treat other people and how they communicate and how they just kind of project who they are onto others. And so they were looking for a quick fix. Their boss fortunately understands the process, but they were and they continue to look for quick fix, expecting that— I've been working with them since the beginning of the year— expecting that this will happen quickly. I can do this within 30 days, especially if we put, you know, more time to it. Can we put more time to it? They went off to a business trip and it was going to be a great opportunity for them to put some of these tools and tips and techniques to work for them. And they expressed that, "Yes, by the time I get back, I'll be able to go and get feedback from those individuals and all, you know, the world will be wonderful." And I just keep looking at them and I just And I do not even just look at them, I tell them very directly, be patient, be kind to yourself, give yourself opportunity to, you know, not only act on these things, you know, the moment that you are aware of them and/or learn them, but the fact that you need to kind of instill them and they become part of you, and that does not happen overnight. So, I'll end with that, that if you want to make a change based on our rich question at the top of the hour, if there is an area of your being that you want to be different, you want new, you want a shift, then just ensure that you're committed, you identify that, you're aware of how it impacts your life. You make a plan toward it, but then you're patient and kind to yourself knowing that it won't happen tomorrow. It'll take, take time for things to kind of become natural and become part of you. All right? So I'll leave you with that. And again, if you have any thoughts, questions, you want to tell your own story, then feel free at any time you listen to the program to come back to Facebook or Twitter on our Shedding the Bitch pages. And share that with us. And you can use the hashtag change and hashtag shed the bitch. And we'll look forward to having you right back here next Tuesday at noon Eastern time for another episode of Shedding the Bitch Radio. Thanks everybody, have a rich, wonderful week. Talk to you soon. Thank you for listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. Join Bernadette every Tuesday at noon Eastern as she helps you shift your bitches to riches. And the dialogue is always going on at sheddingthebitch.com. See you next week.