Change Your WORDS and You Change Your WORLD!!
In this Shedding the Bitch Radio episode, host Bernadette Boas explores the central premise that the words we use—both in self‑talk and in communication with others—directly shape our thoughts, emotions, and life outcomes. After a brief introduction and promotional shout‑outs, Bernadette cites statistics about the English language (≈500,000 words, average working vocabulary ~2,000, habitual vocabulary 200‑300, and that two‑thirds of emotion‑related words are negative) to illustrate how our limited, often negative, word set can trap us in victim mindsets. She shares personal routines (morning self‑assessment, breathing exercises) and coaching observations, highlighting common linguistic habits that undermine confidence: overuse of “but,” defaulting to “we” instead of “I,” saying “I have to” versus “I get to,” and saying “yes” versus “yes, and.” Bernadette then introduces a 7‑day journaling challenge where listeners track their emotional words, split them into positive/negative columns, and consciously rewrite negatives into empowering statements. Real‑life examples from her own life (improv, pickleball, client work) demonstrate the impact of shifting language. The episode concludes with a call to action: listeners can submit their completed challenges for a chance to receive an autographed copy of her book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch, and are encouraged to continue the practice beyond the week. Throughout, the tone is conversational, motivational, and supportive, with an enthusiastic stance toward the power of language.
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Hello and welcome to Shedding the Bitch Radio, where you can discuss, debate, and get advice on how to discover and shed the bitches of fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negative mindsets so you can realize your dreams and life purpose and create and accelerate the riches you want in life. Join us here live every Tuesday at noon Eastern and dialogue with us at 818-572-2910. You can also chat with us at BlogTalkRadio.com. On our website at sheddingthebitch.com. Whatever the bitch is that's holding you back from living your life to the fullest, it's not worth giving up the riches in life that you deserve. So call in now and let Bernadette Boas know what's holding you back.
818-572-2910.
Good day, good day, good day, everyone. How are you on this beautiful Monday? Beautiful, beautiful. It is Tuesday and it is a gorgeous day in Atlanta. We are out of the heat of last week and actually the last several weeks that I've been talking with you about. Uh, now Deborah out in California has the 107-degree weather she just mentioned to me. Oh my gosh. So please, everyone out there, uh, please, hydration. Sunscreen, hats, sunglasses. Sadly, here in Georgia, I just learned this morning that a young girl, 16 years old, died yesterday during a cheerleading practice. And it was being done outside, I guess, and was severely dehydrated. And from all accounts, she asked the coaches a couple times to get water and they said no. Shame, shame, shame. Shame, shame, shame. Shame, shame, shame. And she landed up passing away. So please, please, please, whatever the weather is out there, wherever you are around the world, please take good care of yourself. Self-care, self-care, very important. Everything here is good. There's no real rich news going on in the Shedding the Bits community. Well, I guess I really shouldn't say that. I do want to do— have a shout out, make a shout out to our listeners, but actually our callers as well. And we had a great discussion last week with Katie, that touched on how to— how do you move on from difficult people when you realize that you're changing, you're growing, you're expanding, you're enriching your life, and all of a sudden you're starting to notice that the people around you aren't necessarily the best people to be surrounded by? They're not— they don't serve a purpose anymore. They're not serving you, um, not serving your growth and where you want to go. So we had a great conversation about that, and I want to thank Katie for her vulnerability, for her bluntness, and for just reaching out and seeking some advice. You can also obviously go back to that episode from last Tuesday at noon It's our Ask Bernadette or Ask Me Anything episode. Should you go to iTunes, Apple Podcasts, ShittingTheBitch.com, or even on blogtalkradio.com/ShittingTheBitchRadio, you'll find last week's episode. And since we're on that subject, that episode also talked about taking risks. And in our in our case scenario from one of our listeners, it was actually the fact that she was scared to death of taking risks. She actually, you know, kind of is a, you know, is a very low-tolerant risk-taker, and yet she had a big opportunity presented to her, not only a new job but relocating that was going to uproot she and her family. So she needed some advice on how to just Overall, generally, be okay with taking risks. We talked about that, and then we talked about— and unfortunately we didn't get a lot of time to talk about it, but that was okay because that's what today's show is about— and that's around how words matter. Words matter. And so that's going to be our whole focus for today, and I presented a challenge last week to many of you, to all of you, and to myself actually as well. So we'll also be talking about and we'll touch base on how that went. And if, if it's not from you, I'll share with you some of my findings and some of my areas where I could also use some work on really being conscious of the words that I'm using. So again, go back to iTunes, Apple Podcasts, BlogTalkRadio, or sheddingthebitch.com and download that episode and/or all the other episodes that we have from over the last 6 or 7 years. Since we're on the subject about episodes, our earlier episodes also included discussions around how should you be unfortunate enough to have an unsupported boss, unsupported boss, how do you handle that? What options do you have to really engage that boss and get them to be supportive of what it is that you're trying to do? We also had a conversation about faith, gratitude, and thankfulness. That was all one conversation. That's gotten a lot of attention and a lot of downloads, especially across the streaming services. And then we had a conversation because I'm kind of dealing with this on a day-in, day-out basis, it seems, now that I've kind of went over that threshold of 55 years old. But it was all around if you think aging sucks, you might want to change your mind because it actually provides a great deal of freedom. So it was called You May Think Aging Sucks, But What Freedom It Provides. Now when I say I deal with that day in, day out, that's a bit of an exaggeration. I don't think about it that often, but every once in a while when I'm sitting in my improv class and I look around and realize I'm, you know, the oldest person in the room by a good, I would say, 8 or 9 years, you just kind of, you know, kind of hesitate a little bit and you feel that little pinch of not insecurity but of just frustration, but you can't turn the clock back, so I don't stay there for too long. I don't stay in that sucky place for too long. And in this discussion, we were— I was specifically trying to get you to not live in that space for too long. So you can go back to, like I said, iTunes, Apple Podcasts, sheddingthebitch.com, or BlogTalkRadio and www.youtube.com/ShedTheBitchRadio for all of those episodes and many, many more. But like I mentioned, today is all around the subject of words matter. So if you want to Facebook or tweet with us, you could use hashtag #WordsMatter or our usual everyday hashtag #ShedTheBitch. But words matter hashtag if you want to talk specifically about today's subject. All right, so this is what we're going to do when we get back from a brief break. We're going to give you some context that we talked about last week around this subject, including the challenge that I presented last week, because now you have an opportunity to join in on this challenge. And I'm also— I'm going to do a better job for the next 7 days with the same challenge, but we'll discuss the subject, we'll discuss the challenge, and how you could be gifted a copy, an autographed copy of my book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business. Let's see, what else? I think that's it, so we will be right back and get talking about words matter. We'll be right back.
You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette's book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business. Available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors North Georgia Tax Solutions, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate size clients. Go to ngtaxsolutions.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium size businesses. Email deborahparker@deborahparker.va@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.
Welcome back everyone. We are having an extended conversation, I'll call it, in regards to words matter. Now this subject came in last week as part of our Ask Me Anything episode, and yet we didn't get a lot of time to go as deep into it as I would have liked, as I feel that would be very beneficial to all of you, and even more so to really go through the challenge and the benefit of this challenge and make sure that you fully understand what the challenge is to get the, the most and best use out of it. So the question last week was all around— I was actually challenged by one of my clients as to my consistent and persistent use of an emphasis on the fact that what we tell ourselves is critical to not only what we tell other people, but what we actually manifest in our life. So hence, words matter, and it definitely is an area that I, that I coach a great deal about because I've learned over the last 10 years that everything you and I live and breathe and do and obtain and give out and say all comes down to first how we are talking to ourselves and the words we're using to ourselves and to other people. So let me give you an example. If you got up in the morning— so think about this morning— did you tell yourself you're going to have a great day, or did you tell yourself that you're tired and maybe it was cloudy and/or you just didn't feel like you were in a great mood. Whichever, you know, lens you looked at this morning and whatever lens the world projected back to you is what actually you also created for yourself in the last several hours since you've been up. So if you got out of bed and said it was a beautiful day you probably went out with a smile on your face and went out with kind of a step in your stride, and you are feeling productive and energized and enthusiastic and maybe even confident if you paid attention to it, maybe even a degree of confidence. If you got up and started telling yourself that you were tired and drained and exhausted and stressed and overwhelmed and maybe physically in pain or just maybe, psychologically in pain, then most likely you started dragging yourself, feeling like you need a lot more coffee than you normally drink, and everything about the day, about the world, about the people you run into, about the situations that you deal with, about the, you know, communications that you have feel heavy, feel draining, feel stressful. Now I always talk about to how if you were to get up first thing in the morning— and my morning routine for, gosh, many years now is I don't jump out of bed until I kind of assess my being. And so let me explain that a little bit. So I, when I wake up, and typically for 30 years I was— that bell went off, that alarm clock went off, and I was up and running and nothing was slowing me down. Nothing was getting in my way, and that didn't matter if I was in a great mood or a miserable mood. And all I would say is, if I was in a miserable mood, you better watch out, because my assertive-aggressive nature was even amped up that much more. I learned over the last, you know, 10-12 years that I could influence based on what I'm telling myself between my two ears. I can influence how I choose to want to go out into the world. So when my eyes open up, before, during, or even after that alarm clock goes off, I just stay where I am and I assess from head to toe, toe to head, inside and out, physically, mentally, spiritually, you know, even financially, emotionally. I assess where I'm at, and if there's anything that needs to be shifted I don't want to say corrected because it's not right or wrong, but if anything needs to be shifted, if I am feeling tired then I make sure that I breathe in energy. If I'm feeling stressed I kind of relax and breathe out all that angst. Whatever the case might be, because when my feet hit the floor I want to go out whether that's amped up or whether that's going to be a relaxing day. I want to go out with good thoughts, good words, good communication going on between my ears because that's going to influence then how I talk to my family, my friends, my colleagues, my clients, you name it. So that's what this— today's conversation is all about, is all of that. Now it sounds heavy and it sounds like a lot, and I've also learned in the past 10 years That communication is not easy. You know, really being conscious of what and how you're talking to yourself is not easy. And yet, if you learn minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, if you learn to really be conscious of it and to be aware of it and to choose to want to shift it, then you can make absolute change in your world and the kind of change that you're looking for, um, versus what you may be attracting towards yourself today, right now. Because the communication, what you tell yourself and how you project yourself to the world, will determine how you build friendships and relationships. It will determine if you find love, and if you find love, what kind of love is it. It'll help you or break you when it comes to getting a job, starting a business, starting a new hobby or passion, whatever the case might be. The words that you use will either allow you to receive or to find or obtain or go after, or it'll deny you because you could be telling yourself that you can't or that you're not good enough, so forth and so on. And we're going to talk through a lot of examples in regards to to it. The words that you use can either heal, whether that's yourself or someone else, or they can hurt and bring on pain for yourself or for someone else. And I really wanted you to think about— first, I want to think about you. Now, if you're like most individuals, let alone women, and predominantly our listeners are, women always put other people first. And being concerned about how other people feel and whether or not you're being healing to them or hurtful to them is important. But I need you— the only way you're going to shift and change is I need you to put the emphasis on you. I need you to use this opportunity to say, you know what, I need to spend time with myself and I need to figure out what it is that I want and I need to figure figure out therefore what I'm telling myself that might be impacting whether or not I know what I want, whether or not I'm able to get it. So I really want you to be focusing on, you know, whether or not the words you're using to yourself are helping you find— build friendships, find love, get a great job, or build your business, or whatever the case might be there, allow you or deny you finding, using, and optimizing your skills and talents. I want you to be thinking about whether or not the words that you're using to yourself are healing you or are they hurting you. Are they creating opportunities for you or are they destroying opportunities for you? I want you to be thinking about whether or not the words that you use are helping you succeed or are they really creating missteps for you, uh, and struggle. And challenges and pain and things that aren't working for you, they're working against you. Because ultimately, the words that you use are going to determine your level of confidence, your level of self-worth, your power, your influence, your courage, your everything. And why I'm really emphasizing yours is because if you're confident, you're— you have a high degree of self-worth and self-esteem and self-love for yourself. If you're brave, if you feel you're powerful and you're influential and you're courageous, then you're just going to put out all kinds of fabulous energy, fabulous, um, excitement, fabulous joy to the world. And you attract who and what you are. And if you're putting out all this great stuff, real simply, then you're going to get back a lot of great stuff. All right, and that's why I really want you to focus on the benefit of really becoming conscious and aware of what you're saying to yourself, and then be able to turn that outward and to reject that. Uh, and part of it's going to become natural. You're going to do it naturally. When you're confident and happy and feel good about yourself and feel like you are brave and courageous, you're only going to want to put out good stuff. You're only going to want to put out, um, healing. You're only going to want to put out compliments. You're only going to want to put out support and service for others. To get what they want because you feel so good about what it is that you have and you're working on what it is that you want. It all starts with you. So you're going to get tired of me emphasizing that, you know, over the next 40 minutes, but it's imperative because it does all start with you. It's almost like Michael Jackson's song about the man in the mirror. I mean, go back and listen to those lyrics, and I'm not going to quote them right now because I'll mess them all up, but go back and really listen to those lyrics. It was all about having a very realistic, truthful, vulnerable view of yourself. And once you have that truthful, vulnerable view of yourself, you're able to recognize the things that you love and cherish and the things that you say, "You know what, I want something new. I need something different in this area of my life." All right, and again, I'll emphasize too my favorite quote, and I mentioned this last week on the program. And I kind of did my own version of it as other people have from what I saw online, but Norman Vincent Peale, who wrote a tremendous number of books around positive, positive thinking, he always stated, "Change your thoughts and you change the world." And I kind of thought to myself several years ago as I was actually writing my book, and that was helping me shift and, and shed, as the, as the title states, that you change your words and you change your world. Now, you change your world— yeah, I'm sorry, you change your words, and those words are going to automatically change your thoughts, and those two things combined will then help you change your world. So if you want something new if you want something different, then simply say to yourself, then I'm, I'm going to slow down. I'm going to go inward. I'm going to get very conscious, whether it's talking to myself or talking to somebody else, about the words that I use. And I mentioned at the front of this, um, that this was brought up from one of my clients, because during any type of coaching session with me, you will observe and you'll have to respond to the fact that I'll stop you during any degree of conversation and I'll ask you to consider shifts in the words that you're using. And I'll ask you to explain why you said, you know, something one way when you could have been saying it another way and gotten a different result. Having made that small little shift. And a lot of times when people say things like, "I can't," or, "I'll try," and I ask them to shift it to more, "I can as long as," or, "with these adjustments," and/or instead of saying, "I'll try," "I will." So those shifts, and that's where this whole topic of conversation came from. When we get back, we're going to get a little bit technical or tactical, maybe we'll call it, and talk about some statistics. But then we're going to dive into really getting into the meat of how you can evaluate the words that you use towards yourself and others so you're kind of aware and you become a little bit sensitive to the, to the fact that you and in a lot of cases may use these words. So we'll be right back.
You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette Boas' book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors, North Georgia Tax Solutions, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate-sized clients. Go to ngtaxsolutions.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium-sized businesses. Email Deborah Parker at deborahparker.va@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/shuttingthebitchradio and follow the program for all the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.
Welcome back everyone. We are having a conversation regarding words matter and it's going to lead us into a, what I'll call, a life-changing opportunity for you over the next 7 days that will then also continue on beyond the 7 days. So stay with us and really take in what you can. And if you should at any point in time, not just on this program but afterwards, if you need any guidance or support, then feel free, please, to reach out to me at Bernadette Boas sheddingthebitch.com. And I do want to actually do another quick shout-out. I, and I want to say it was probably following last week's program, I happened to go on Facebook this morning and I had a community member, I'll say, because she didn't state that she listened to the program, but it was on a post that was tied back to this to this, and she just simply said, Bernadette, I just want you to know that you're a cheerleader for me right now, and so thank you very much for that. And that kind of validated, and it always does when I get them because I absolutely love it, but it also validated that you're listening, that the community members are always wanting— I won't say needing, but wanting— to just hear and relate to other people's challenges and struggles and, and riches and opportunities and successes, and then apply it to their own life and know that somebody else is there that can help them be lifted up. And that's the whole objective of Shedding the Bitch Radio and our podcast and all the work that we do. But it's also kind of my want and desire for each and every one of you is take a nugget away and apply it and see how it can, how it can change your life. All right, so I'm going to get a little bit mundane maybe, but I'm going to repeat some statistics that we talked about last week on our Ask Me Anything episode. And of course you can go back and listen to that episode as well.. But it has to do with the words that we use, the type of words that we use, and the impact words have, but in more of a statistical perspective. So this is coming from ThriveGlobal.com where I found this information. According to Compton's Encyclopedia, the English language contains some 500,000 words. Yet the average person's working vocabulary consists of 2,000 words, which is about 0.5% of the entire language. And the number of words we most frequently use make up our habitual vocabulary. And I'll emphasize habitual vocabulary that we talk to ourselves with as well as other people. So they go on to say, for most people, it averages about 200 to 300 words. Isn't that unbelievable? By contrast, John Milton's writings used about— okay, that's not important. Okay, so we've got 500,000 words is what the English language contains. 2,000 is the average person's working vocabulary, which is about 4.5%. And the number of words we use most frequently averages about 200 to 300 words. That we're frequently using within our language. Of those 500,000 words, as much as 3,000 of them are used to describe emotions. So 3,000 of the 5,000— 500,000. All right, this is the point I want to emphasize. Two-thirds of the 3,000 words used to describe emotions are negative emotions. So think about that. If two-thirds of 3,000 words exist out there to describe emotions, two-thirds of them are negative. So how many of those negative words do you think are getting into your 200 to 300 words that you're talking to yourself or to others about on a regular basis? So to reiterate why it's important to focus on those words is because they define everything about you, everything about you. How successful you are, or how, how challenging life is for you. What type of relationship you have, or the lack thereof. Whether or not you attract into your life happiness and joy, prosperity, fortune, even luck, or whether or not you repel it and you, you play a victim almost. So then you could get really simple and just simply ask yourself, am I a victor or do I act as a victim? Do I overcome and confront every challenge that's there and push through it regardless how hard or easy it is as a victor, or do I blame, make excuses, wallow, stomp my feet like a victim. So how can you evaluate that? How can you honestly say to yourself, I need something new, I want something different, I want happiness and joy and prosperity and fortune and luck and, and all the goodness the world has to offer? I want some of that. Get selfish. I want some of that. How can you evaluate whether or not you're that victor or victim, and therefore, you know, look at the words that you're using? Well, simply track them. Simply pay attention to them. And the challenge we'll talk about will get you to literally track them. But start paying attention to them. Evaluate whether or not you're regularly saying, oh, I've tried, or I'll try that. That sounds good. I'll try that. Or that you are going to do it or you will do it? Are you being more apprehensive so you're not accountable to whether or not you're successful or not? Or are you really firm and committed and determined no matter what the outcome? Because keep in mind, we're all going to have our missteps. Some people call them failures. And we're going to have successes. How many and how often and how, you know, the result of either one of those is really going to depend upon what you're telling yourself. Do you say, "I have to do something," as a victim? Oh, woe is me, I have to. I have to go to work. I have to take the kids. I can't, you know, I can't lose weight and go to the gym because I have to do this instead. I'm way too busy. Or do you say, I get to do all those errands, take care of all those people, you know, eat a healthy diet, or even eat those foods because of my results, because then I have a happy family, I have a happy work environment, and then I have a happy and healthy life. So as opposed to I have to, change that up to I get to. Are you one to say I'm not good enough, I'm not smart enough, I've never done this before, or are you someone who says screw all that and I am able to, I am capable of, I am willing to learn, I am, I am, I am. You can go on to say, ugh, I just hate this. You know, or you can say, well, it's not my favorite thing to do, but I'll give it a shot. Is it I'm too tired or I'm too sick, or is it okay, let's do it, I didn't get a good night's sleep last night, but you know what, this will shake me out of that and bring energy into my, into my world. Uh, you can go on to say— now this is one that I deal with a great deal when coaching with my clients. Think about how often, and especially in the work environment, think about how often you use the word "we" versus "I." So say you are responsible for something, and yet you're responsible with a team, or maybe with a group of friends, whatever the case might be. And you find it appropriate to be, well, we accomplished this or didn't accomplish this or we are responsible for this or we have to do this, whereas really you should be saying I because your part, your role, your responsibility even in a team is yours, not other people's. But think about how often you use we versus I. I, because we let you off the hook. We doesn't make you feel accountable, make you feel responsible, make you feel obligated. When you say I, it certainly does. It certainly, you know, makes you own it, makes you committed to it, makes you accountable to it, makes you responsible. But many of us replace I with we, even when talking about yourself. You'll replace I with we because it just feels more comfortable and not as weighted, not as heavy, not as, not as accountable. But making that shift and taking that ownership will create such a change within yourself and then within the we around you that it could be very transformative for you. One thing I recognized even in my own writing not just writing a book or my script, but my journaling, is there was oftentimes I wrote a lot of buts, a lot of buts. And I all of a sudden recognized that whether or not that was grammatically correct or not, it was more so I was making excuses, or I was postponing, or I was not wanting to own something, or not ready to go in a certain direction or address a certain thing, and I would always in my writings would have "but" in there. And so I would have to, you know, I learned and made adjustments to say remove the "but" completely and/or change it to things like, "I'll consider it. I'll consider something different." And/or changing it with an "and," with an "and." as opposed to a "but." Now a big one, and this is getting— this is challenging me right now in my improv. This was another one that kind of came blaringly in my face recently, and that is yes versus no. Now that might sound silly, but think about how often— it may not be a yes question or a no question. But the response that you make makes it a yes or a no. Think about, for instance, improv. Let me back up and say why I mentioned improv. Improv is all about saying yes. So if you've ever watched an improv show or watched Whose Line Is It Anyway or anything like that, obviously they don't say yes or no. But what happens— there's that but— What happens is whatever they say, you're supposed to act as if you're saying, "Yes, and..." So you add to their story, you enrich it, you expand it, you extend it. We as humans, let alone nowadays in this trying time that we're in, often will negate or say no just because we want to fight. Or we want to disagree or we want to look better than the next person or we don't want the next person to look better than us.
But—
blah, blah, blah. See that but? So too often we will just automatically go to the negative, automatically go to the no, automatically go to the negation of what the other person is saying. Do you ever pay attention to— you might say, oh, my arm hurts and the other person "Oh yeah, my leg hurts." They automatically come up with something that's just as trying or as hard as yours. But now think about how often you do that to somebody else in your conversations. If someone, you know, comes to you and they have this great news, you say, "Oh yeah, and I have this great news too." You're negating what it is that they're contributing to your relationship. Forget about your conversation, but to your relationship. So the focus, putting the focus on really what it is that you're saying and how you're saying it and in what context, let alone to whom, because again, first you have to talk to yourself in a way that you want the world to then also respond to you. So those are a lot of varying examples of just where we might slip up and where we might get caught in saying one thing to ourselves thinking it means one thing but it actually is telling your soul another thing. Using things that give you excuses that let you off the hook, that don't hold you accountable or committed or determined or dedicated or persistent or ambitious or confident are, are negating providing you that. And that's what you need in order to then go out to the world and get what it is, what it is that you want. Remember, we've had conversations in the past regarding perception's reality. So how the perception you have of yourself whether that's one of, you know, happiness and joy and confidence and self-love, or the perception you have yourself of you're not good enough, you're not, you know, pretty enough, you're not smart enough, you're not rich enough, you're not successful enough, you're not athletic enough— whatever it is, that is how then you're allowing the world to see you, to perceive you. And Perception is reality, your own perception and that of others. So we want to shift that, we want to change that. All right, we're going to take a quick break, and when we get back, we're going to continue this conversation, and I'm going to provide you some tips and as well talk about the challenge that I want to continue with you working on so we can make these shifts and change your world. We'll be right back.
You are listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We are inspiring individuals around the globe to discover, confront, and shed their bitches of fear, insecurity, and negativity so they can create the riches in their career, business, and life they deserve. Be sure to check out Bernadette's book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business. Available on Amazon and sheddingthebitch.com. We also want to thank our sponsors: North Georgia Tax Solutions, who offers a broad range of tax services for small to corporate size clients. Go to ngtaxsolutions.com to learn more. And Parker House Virtual Services, who provides virtual assistance and social media support for small to medium size businesses. Email deborahparker@parkerhouseservices.com. Deborahparker.va@gmail.com for more information. To become a sponsor or advertiser on our program, email us at mediarelations@sheddingthebitch.com. Shedding the Bitch Radio airs every Tuesday at noon Eastern time. Be sure to go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitchradio and follow the program for all of the updates and announcements of our guests and show topics. Now let's return to Bernadette and Shedding the Bitch Radio.
Welcome back everyone. Today it's all about words matter. Change your words and you'll change your world. And I want to mention too, this conversation may sound, you know, like I'm being very flippant that it's easy to do this, that it's easy to change your words, it's easy to become conscious of your words. I could sit here and even have this conversation with you and, and say that I'm not 100% always conscious on the surface with the words that I'm using. You would think I would be, yet at the same time we all kind of go off into a to a phase into a fuzzy world and not recognize really the words that we're using. We know what we want to say and we're hopeful that we're saying it, and yet the exact words that we want aren't necessarily the ones being used. And oftentimes I've been told people can tell when I'm actually trying to stay focused and aware of my words because then I get very enunciated and I get very animated about my words like I am right now. But I'm doing that purposely. So I want you to get to that point. I want you to get to where if you have to slow down, if you have to become, you know, animated or purposeful in how you're speaking to yourself and/or other people, then that's okay. Do it. Let them know what it is that you're doing if that's the case. If you're thinking the other person is finding you to be a little bit awkward or not yourself, you can always share what it is that you're working on with other people and let them either participate and/or even help you with it. So I just— I wanted to emphasize that. So I don't want you to think it's so simple because these are habits and behaviors and that you've had since you were a very young, young, young individual. And it all— the words, the 200 to 300 average number of words that you use in your everyday are most likely the words that you heard when you were very little. So if you were heard— if you heard words like you're not good enough, you should be ashamed of yourself, you're a failure, you're not pretty, 'You're not pretty enough,' 'You can't do that,' 'You're a girl,' whatever the case might be. Those are hanging on for dear life, I might add. They're hanging on, they're hanging on until you're tired and sick of having those type of words and beliefs and self-talk doing damage to you. And you kind of get to a point where you're like, 'No, something is going to be different, something's going to be changed, something's going to be new.' Now hopefully you've also possibly have had the words, whether in your own home or maybe at school or on the playground, where you were told you could do anything. You're smart enough to do X. You're pretty. You're smart. And you had all the positive affirmations. Trust me when I say 99.9% of us walk around in the world with a mixture of these. And some, you know, having a mixture actually even keeps us on our toes, so to speak. But what we want to get to— let's take that but out of there— what we want to get to is minimizing greatly that all that negative words of those 200 to 300, and let's get them to be the more positive affirming confidence-building, courage-defining words instead. And this is how your— I should say this is how you can begin to, to take those actions and create those shifts for yourself. I will repeat, as I often do on the program, that this will require a journal and a pen. It can require your phone, I guess. The most important things is you need to get it out of your head and onto a piece of paper or onto a white screen. It needs to be in black and white. It needs to be something that you can lean on and refer back to, but more so that you can look at and really really pay attention to. And I found another quote. I mentioned one last week, but I found a quote from Flannery O'Connor about the fact that— and now this is— she's an author from like the '40s and '50s, but she had a quote and she had stated at one time, I write because I don't know what I think until I read what I say. "I write because I don't know what I think until I read what I say." So let's just take that first part off of this. "I don't know what I think until I read what I say." So until she writes it and reads it, she doesn't know what she thinks. And I will attest that every one of you are the same way. You might think you're talking to yourself and you understand it and you agree with it or disagree with it, whatever the case might be, but until you get it out of your head and onto a piece of paper in black and white and really see it for what it is, you don't know what you're thinking. You don't know what you're feeling. You don't know how it's impacting your life. We'll go on, we can do that on another subject at another time. I want to get on to the tips, how you can start making these shifts. First, become conscious of your words. That's evident. That's what we've been talking about. Let's start with yourself first, and then you can focus on the words that you're using with other people. When you begin to talk to yourself negatively, change it. If you were to say you start feeling ugly or stressed or tired or unhappy, tell yourself something positive instead. Instead of tired, I've worked really hard, I've exhausted every bone, you know, I've sweated every, you know, tear, whatever the case might be. Put it in more of a positive construct than that negative. When you're not sure how you feel, tell yourself how you feel. I can't tell you how many times someone will say, um, okay. No, tell yourself, I'm doing great, even when you're not. I, you know, the sky is blue, the sun is out, even when it's raining or dark. It doesn't have to be literal. You know, your words, your mindset is not literal. You can make it whatever it is that you want it to be. If you're feeling insecure, affirm your confidence, affirm that you can. I was running into a situation, I wanted to share this with you, and before we get too late.
So I—
part of the challenge, which we'll talk about in just a second, I needed to, over the last 7 days as well, participate and make note of my positives and negatives. So I found on the positive column, I found myself saying things like, I'm excited, I'm proud of what I've been able to accomplish, I'm confident about this pickleball playing or this writing. I then looked at the negative side of the column and I found myself saying things like, why can't I beat them? That's pickleball. So why can't? Yeah, with a client, it was getting— being very anxious, feeling as if I wasn't getting through to this one client. I actually also started talking to myself negatively in an anxious way when I was at improv last Tuesday night after our conversation and found myself in a very challenging games. I won't go into what that all means, but I was finding myself in a challenging game, and I was telling myself that I just wasn't hitting the mark. I just wasn't being funny. I wasn't creating this character I needed to create. I was telling myself I don't know how to create a character, I can't create a character. I started all of a sudden finding myself in my journal writing all these negative things down. So what we need to do, what you need to do is, and what I did, uh, once I realized those were the things I was saying, shift them into the more positive words that you want to actually experience. If you want to experience joy and happiness and confidence and strength and courage, then you need to be telling yourself and, and using the words that will bring you and feed you all of those things. You need to get comfortable with talking to yourself. This sounds funny. I'll never forget, you know, wandering a park here in Atlanta practicing a script I was working on. It was actually my stand-up comedy skit that I was working on and feeling completely comfortable, not caring at all about what anybody else around me was was thinking like, who's that crazy lady talking to herself? So I use that just to say you have to get comfortable talking to yourself. If you find yourself going down a path that's just going to drag you down versus lift you up, then stop where you are, take a deep breath or subtle breath, whatever, and focus on changing whatever that attitude, that mood, that negativity is. Don't worry about what other people might think and what other people might say. Alright, I want you to be thinking about the benefit of getting your words right. So a tip would be, if you're finding that when you are tired and you focus on being energized and being excited Note it. Be aware of it. When you find yourself that you're insecure but you all of a sudden tell yourself and affirm something different and now you feel a little bit of confidence or certainty or determination, acknowledge that. Pat yourself on the back. Write it down. Put a star on a piece of paper or in your journal. Affirm and kind of reward yourself. Honor yourself. And the shift that you're making. All right, so be conscious of your words. Change them when you feel yourself talking negatively. Be comfortable and be proud and be almost courageous about talking to yourself because you're making those shifts. And then recognize the benefits of getting your words right, that the, the sense of wonder and security and self-worth and energy and clarity and performance, productivity, effectiveness, your health, even wealth that is getting adjusted and changing and increasing because of the change in the words that you're using. All right, so let's talk about the challenge in our last few few minutes. Again, we did this and mentioned it last Tuesday, but I'm going to give you an opportunity to either continue or start scratch today. Journal and a pen or your phone, but journal and a pen, and for the rest of the week I want you to make note of your emotions in one word. The words that I was using were things, as I mentioned, were excited and confident. Let me see, I'm needing to open up my journal. And proud. I use words like frustrated and anxious and insecure. Define your emotion. Define that negative talk or not even that it's negative. Define the talk that you're having with yourself. Then once you do, do put a line down the middle of a page in your journal. Left side positive, right side negative. And put that word appropriately in the right column. I want you to also note the event or the experience or the interaction or the encounter that you were having, such as mine was improv, mine was a client, mine was when I was writing my script. Uh, notate so you can recall that situation, and then when you recall that situation, you'll be able to do it differently the next time you have— you're in that same situation. All right, I want you to also then, looking at those words, I want you to shift them where you need them to go. So for instance, if it is frustrated, get it to where it feels more comfortable. If you are anxious, get it to where It's calm, calming. If it's insecure, shift to where— to do affirm whatever to get to be more confident. Now obviously you don't need to shift excited, proud, or confident unless you want to amp it up. All right, what I want you to do from there is pay attention to the shifts within yourself. And your experiences. All right, I want you to also then take the biggest challenge of all. If you want to, and again, they're not going to be disclosed, they're not going to be shared, you can send them to me at BernadetteBoas@sheddingthebitch.com. I'm not going to ask you to post them to Facebook or Twitter. You can certainly acknowledge what you're doing on Facebook or Twitter. I simply want you to send them to me. And I will not only give you a high five for doing it, but I'll send you a copy of my book, Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting from Rich— Shifting from Bitch to Rich in Life and Business, as a thank you to yourself and a great job for really wanting something new and something different in your life. Again, you can make a transformational change in your world by shifting your words. I guarantee it. Alright, thank you everyone, and I'll look forward to having you right back here next Tuesday at noon Eastern time for Shedding the Bitch Radio. Talk to you soon.
Thank you for listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. Join Bernadette every Tuesday at noon Eastern as she helps you shift your bitches to riches. And the dialogue is always going on at sheddingthebitch.com. See you next week.
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