Confessions from Bernadette on Cooperation vs. Competition on Shedding the Bitch Radio

Hello everyone and welcome to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. I'm so glad you decided to join us on this beautiful Tuesday afternoon in March. And last week I was calling into you from Vegas and now I'm calling into you from the road. So Those of you who watch me on my archived video radio show, you'll see me actually chatting away in my car via my cell phone. So we'll see and check out how technologies work today in regards to being able to be very remote when you're doing things like this. But welcome to Shedding the Bitch Radio, where we dialogue and discuss and debate all the angst that ensues and negative mindsets that people carry around with them each and every day. And our goal and our objective is to help you identify how to shed all of that angst and attitude in order for you to live a much more fuller and richer life. So we like to say around here that we help you shift from bitch to rich, and that is our goal and objective. And we would love to hear from you. We'd love for you to call into us at 1-818- 572-2910. Again, that's 1-818-572-2910. And share with us what might be getting, you know, getting your skirt up or getting your stress out if you're the guys. At the same time, you can chat with us. Go to blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitch. That's our radio channel. And feel free to chat with us as well. I have Jennifer Grossman on the line who's acting as producer today, so she'll keep an eye out for your phone calls and your chats. But feel free to please do that with us. And then at the same time, you can always go to sheddingthebitch.com and share your stories with us. We want to hear what, you know, what angst, attitudes, or negative mindsets are you carrying around with you. And we call those bitches because We need to identify them and help you kind of confront what those are, whether it's about, for instance, in my case, I had a lot of angst and attitude about my corporate persona, so to speak, and that's where my book, sheddingthecorporatebitch.com, or Shedding the Corporate Bitch, comes from. And then, at the same time, there's so many other life issues that get in our way, whether it's about a divorce or being single, being in a relationship, raising kids. Dealing with a chronic illness or being bullied, being gay, being fat, being skinny. I mean, you know what it is that really kind of holds you down and holds you back from pursuing and achieving the goals and the dreams that you have. And we would love to help you in any way, shape, or form. And those of you who might have overcome something such as, like, for instance, I've shed that corporate bitch and now I'm this lovely, happy, happy individual. But if you've overcome something and you have something that you would like to share and some lessons or some tips that you would like to give our listeners, please feel free to call into us. Again, it's 1-818-572-2910. I'm not sure that I said that right. It's 1-818-572-2910, or chat with us at blogtalkradio.com/sheddingthebitch. But I have a little angst, and I don't, I don't know if it's attitude, but I definitely have a little fear and angst today. I'm going to deviate from, from our, my normal discussion that I had planned, and then we'll get back into it. But I learned over the weekend, I was out in Vegas. If any of you had joined me last week or have listened to the archive show, I was out in Las Vegas and I was launching the release of my book. At least it was released to me. So I went, went and shared copies of my books and sold them at CEO Space Entrepreneurial Forum last week in Vegas, and it was very exciting and great deal of fun and great successes. And the bitch party that we had on Friday night was a great success. However, I did learn during that week where I'm trying to stay focused and I'm trying to stay motivated and positive that my mother, who's 82, she was brought to the hospital. She was experiencing some some, I guess it was erratic breathing. She was having a hard time breathing. She was wheezing and she felt that her heart rate wasn't where it should be. Now my mother has dealt with edema and some other things over the last several years. Last year she had a pacemaker put in. So anything, you know, especially at the age of 82, anything that comes up like that, I kind of get very nervous and scared about. I'm probably about 1,800 miles away from Philadelphia where my family is. And I know they're taking great care of her. I have 11 brothers and sisters and they're all in Philadelphia. So I know that she's being taken care of. That's not a concern. It's just, you know, the fear, the apprehension about, you know, her being in a hospital. She's not— she's not a fan. Let me just leave it at that. And, and so, you know, while I'm trying to stay focused and motivated, and positive about what was going on around me, because there were so many good things going on around me, that always kind of hung out in the back of my brain. And I know she was kind of tested yesterday. They found a clot. I'm not sure where, but they did find a clot. And one of the other things that is stressing me out is we have this big family vacation. It's actually my 5 sisters and I take my mother with us down to the shore the week of Mother's Day. And it's been a tradition. It's called Jungle Hen. I've talked about it before on the show. And my whole Shedding the Weight, Bitch Challenge has been focused around that. If you've listened or followed me on Facebook or Twitter around my Shedding the Weight, Bitch Challenge. And my goal and my objective, my, you know, reward is all around the vacation. And it's something that I spend all year, literally, my sisters and I spend all year preparing for and planning for and really getting psyched up about. And we learned yesterday, at least we know right now, that this little situation could prevent her from actually being able to travel to that vacation. And of course, my sisters and I are up in an uproar. We're like, why can't she spend and sit around the house an hour and a half away on the beach as opposed to, you know, necessarily in Philadelphia? So we'll see. We'll see. But so I'm kind of a little bit angst and a little bit fearful what might be going on with her. And at the same time, a little bit agitated that, you know, that this whole situation— not any fault of hers, obviously, maybe the doctors— but that it could impact our vacation. So I'm going to work my way through that. I'm going to trust that my family is taking care of that with the doctors, and we'll find out more as we go forward. She still is in the hospital. I understand she might be for a day or so until they understand kind of what, what risks, if any, this clot might be causing. But anyway, I just wanted to kind of share that because I might, you know, I might myself seem a little distracted or a little bit I don't want to say agitated. I hope that doesn't come across, but if so, then at least you'll understand why. And those are the exact examples of those little things that come up in life. They don't have to be dramatic. They don't have to be life-altering, but they are just these little things. They're little fears in our heads and in our thoughts that kind of create some roadblocks for for us and can potentially kind of sabotage what it is that we're working on. And I'm going to stay very, very focused myself that it doesn't sabotage my weight, my weight challenge, or my kind of focus on the business and on the book and its release and being excited about that and being happy about that and proud about that. But I know, you know, I'd love to hear from you at 1-818-572-2910 what might be what might be creating some agitation or aggravation or angst for you, or kind of a negativity in your, your heart or your head that you just can't get beyond. And I'd love to see if I can help in any way, shape, or form. So please check in with us, and Jennifer will kick in if she sees that someone's waiting to talk. And again, you know, there's always an opportunity for you to go share your story at sheddingthebitch.com. Where you can also read the chapter of the book that I just released, as well as if you'd like, you can purchase it there. But that's not important. What I want to know is how I can help. So today's subject, I thought about this as I was coming back from my trip in Vegas. It was an 8-day business entrepreneurial type of forum, and the forum is all based on a premise of cooperation and collaboration. So they spend a whole week really working through with you how to leave your egos and your need for competition or your desperation for something at the door and to simply come in and engage and interact and share and, and support everyone else in the community. As opposed to being so inwardly focused on your particular goal or objective for, for that week or for that time you spend at the forum. And I got to thinking, imagine a world where everyone is supportive of each other, is open to hearing what it is and really listening and paying attention to what it is that someone else else is working on, or someone else is, um, kind of pursuing for themselves, and what it is that they need in order to accomplish that, that goal or dream that they have for themselves. And in return is that whole idea of if you give, you will receive. It's just a natural way of the world, way of, um, the universe in itself you know, metaphysically, spiritually, whatever you might want to call it, you know, there is that premise that— and I truly believe in it— that you, when you give, you're definitely going to receive because it's just the natural yin-yang effect. And all of last week, that's the environment that, that you're engaged in, that I was engaged in. And I was thinking that When we do get fearful, when we do get desperate, when we do get overly negative about what it is about ourselves maybe, or what people have made us believe in ourselves, or that big risk or challenge that you're taking on, Whenever you get in those desperate angst negative mind states, for me at least, what I have found is that when I do focus outwardly versus focus inwardly, I mean, people will tell you that you can certainly, when you get a negative thought, just try to really focus on affirming something more positive and changing your mindset. Adjusting your, your attitude. Even smiling changes your whole chemistry. You can't really be upset when you're smiling. It's kind of a contradiction that your subconscious doesn't allow. And yet what I have found, especially over this past couple of years of really learning how to let my guards down and really learning how to receive from people, that the easiest way when I'm depressed or negative or fearful or just angst with something is to actually find someone or call someone that I might think that I might be able to help. So I actually kind of transfer the focus on me and whatever it is that's kind of, you know, ruminating inside of me. I kind of then transfer my focus onto someone else. And it's amazing how that simple adjustment, that simple alteration that we can take in regards to then just simply calling someone and saying, hey, what are you working on these days? Or what have you been up to these days? Or how did that race go? A friend of mine, Kay, Kay Zern out in San Diego, she's currently training for a marathon, which applaud to her because that's just not something that I care to undertake. I can do a half marathon, but A marathon, that really just is that next level of just absolute commitment and determination. And Kay is determined and committed to doing it. So every once in a while, if you want to follow her actually on Facebook, it's Kay Zern, and she'll provide her updates. And the other day when I was kind of in this kind of in-between state of worrying about my mom, not really sure what was going on there, trying to get information from my brothers and sisters, and then also trying to focus on what I was doing from a marketing perspective out at this entrepreneurial forum with my book. When I realized that I was kind of getting in that apprehensive hesitation, not negative, it was more just fearful, I guess, I went onto Facebook and I looked for Kaye. Kaye just happens to be one of these people who's extremely positive. And who's extremely giving. And so I looked— I'll go out and I'll look for her postings, whether it's to me or whether it's her posting, and then I can see what she's up to and contribute to her successes. And she happened to make this post about the fact that she had just accomplished 12.2-mile run, I guess this past Saturday. I could be wrong, but I believe it was Saturday. And that immediately refocusing to her from me really got me excited. I was so thrilled for her. I was so excited for her. And at the same time, I was so inspired. I won't say I was intimidated or jealous or any of the negative stuff. Um, I was only inspired and motivated by her. Uh, the fact that she accomplished that from just you know, several months ago running a few miles every weekend. So I really found, and that's why I really wanted to talk about this today, I found that making that adjustment for me, taking it, you know, focused on me to somebody else and really getting excited about what it is that they were doing, and if there was a way I could help her, which obviously she doesn't need it, but if there was a way to help her, I would have asked her, you know, what is it that you need now? What is it that's going on. I did ask her if she was in pain or hurting because I can certainly understand. After all, I'll ride— I haven't done it in quite a while, but I'll go out on a 50, 75, or 100-mile bike ride. You know, it's Epsom salt baths. That's, you know, just the first thing that I seek to do after I've eaten and gorged on some food, obviously. But, and so I just wanted to know if there was something that she needed, you know, as part of her recovery. Recovery. And she was, you know, just flying high. And yes, she was hurting a little bit, but she was going to be taking care of that. So my point being is that little refocus, retuning, redirecting of your thoughts and what, what's going on inside you, especially if you are having any rumblings of uncertainty or apprehension or fear Adjust it to somebody else. Put it— don't put the fear. Don't, don't, don't put the fear or the, or the angst or the negativity onto someone else. Absolutely don't do that. Just focus on what they're achieving and what their successes are, and maybe they'll help to motivate, inspire, or at least adjust and kind of distract you for a while. I remember when I was— I remember when I was quitting smoking smoking, and I guess Smokers Anonymous, I'm not sure what the major organization is right offhand, but I remember them saying that if you can distract yourself for 2 or 3 minutes, the craving for that cigarette, and I'm sure it applies to food or applies to anything else, you distract yourself for a couple of minutes and you can forget that you have that craving for whatever it is. And I think that's also a nice little tip for anyone that has any kind of, I guess, addictions, but I wouldn't even go that far. But you just get those cravings that you really don't want to sabotage yourself, whether it is even just as simple as your diet and you're, you know, looking at that commercial with ice cream or cheesecake. Just distract yourself for a few minutes. And I think it applies to this whole idea of refocusing on someone else. It distracts you, and therefore you don't pay attention to your fear or apprehension, and actually you get a boost of, of inspiration and motivation. So you might actually have gotten yourself out of your own rut. So that's just one, one thing I wanted to share with you, and we would love to hear how you you kind of adjust or refocus or redirect those little fears or apprehensions or adjustments or negativities that you, that you come up with. We call bitches anything that really wreaks havoc on you mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially. That's what we refer to as bitches, and we're working to shed individuals, men and women, young and old, of those little bitches because they definitely wreak havoc on our successes. And every one of us deserves to achieve whatever it is that we want to achieve. So going back to this week in Vegas and this whole mood and mode of cooperation cooperation versus competition. I experienced it before while I've been going through that journey of mine for the last few years where I'll sense when my competitive side, you know, irks up. Yet I would say over the past year, year and a half, that hasn't been an issue. My desire for competing against someone else has definitely waned. And is very, very, very minor of importance to me anymore. My competition with myself, however, that still continues. That still continues, but I'm not as hard on myself as I used to be. I definitely challenge myself, and I don't want to get lazy or unmotivated about challenging myself. I just am easier on myself when, when I have to readjust my plans because maybe I'm not meeting the goal or objective that I have. And this past week while I was gone with this whole Shedding the Weight, Bitch Challenge, for instance, I really started off strong at the beginning of the week. I worked out every day. Well, I should say, let me reframe that. I worked out the first 2 days doing a video workout in my room, and then I walked the third day. After that, it started to wane. Now, you could call it excuses. My schedule definitely, definitely impaired my ability to work in a workout, even if it was 10 or 15 minutes. And I know, you know, how people could respond to that. And you could actually, you know, feel free to call me out on it. However, and I do take responsibility for the fact that I I didn't prioritize it into my schedule like I had planned, and I actually set the objective, a goal, that every day I was going to prioritize my health and my fitness into my schedule no matter what. And I didn't do that for a few days last week. My accountability team was generous enough to me to say, you know, don't be hard on yourself. It happens. Just readjust for the next day. And every once in a while you need to hear that, as long as that every once in a while doesn't turn into a new habit or adjustment or demotivation. And that's what I'm working on right now, is to ensure that that's not a long-term issue or a newfound— or not habit, but a newfound rhythm that I'm going to neglect my fitness and my health and not prioritize it. So as of today, I'm back in town even though I'm coming to you virtually, but I'm back in town and I definitely have the gall and the mindset to get back onto my schedule and my priority and my commitment to myself to shed the weight, bitch challenge. So I just wanted to kind of highlight that for you. I'd like to know from you, and whether it's here or going to sheddingthebitch.com and sharing comments or blogging with us or sharing your own story, actually you can do that there. What activities or what situations in your life kind of provoked that inner competitor, and I'd like to think about it not about yourself, not competing with yourself, but actually someone else. What gets your goat up when someone else is achieving success or when someone else is doing what you want to do? What is that situation and what is that feeling that you get when you— when there's a competitive situation? In front of you. And it could be about anything really. It could be, you know, office politics, you know, a promotion or a special assignment on a project. It could be merely, you know, at the gym, those feelings of competitiveness. I know for me used to come up when another woman, young or old, was weightlifting and I was weightlifting. I wanted to see, you know, definitely I was watching her and trying to up her weight or up her reps or— it was, it's ridiculous when I actually now say it out loud, but— or when I was even on a treadmill or on an elliptical, I'd want to do it faster or longer or harder than the next person. And it worked and it was positive in a lot of ways, but at the same time it also wreaked some inner turmoil. Because again, I don't mind competing with myself with whatever goal I have or speed or height or strength I want to fight against. I don't necessarily need to be competing against someone else, at least, at least in the form of where it is creating turmoil for you personally, or it's creating some angst. Competition is definitely very good. I was raised with 11 brothers and sisters, all top athletes. My dad was a top athlete. My mother was a singer and a very, very good one. So we all are very accustomed to competition and competitive situations, and yet sometimes those situations are actually working against us as opposed to for us and propelling us. We're actually using them to beat ourselves up or to be hard on ourselves. So I just want you to think about today what, what is, you know, what situations, what activities, what events, what environments kind of stir up those competitive juices and not necessarily in a positive way. And what I also like you to think about is what are the those feelings. Because I do believe, and I know for myself, when I pay attention to my feelings, not just that I'm having a feeling, but what that feeling is and why I'm feeling it—happy, sad, depressed, fearful, insecure, whatever the case might be—really focusing on why you're feeling that way is much more important than just acknowledging that you're feeling it. Because we can We can use it and we can get rid of it so much faster and to our benefit if we really pay attention to it more so than a lot of us do. So just think about those things. Think about those things and then find ways to overcome them and find ways to kind of shed those angst and those competitiveness and those nagging feelings and thoughts. Out of your heart, out of your mind, out of your spirit. So then you can always remain, you know, positive and optimistic and motivated toward what it is that you are trying to accomplish in this life. Who cares what the other person's trying to do? That doesn't benefit you in any way, shape, or form. And actually, we'll talk about that a lot more going forward. So, so I just, I a few things to think about. Let's see, a couple of other thoughts that I did have I wanted to kind of share with you is if anyone is watching television right now or on your internet, your computer, check out this video that was shown on, I think it was the Today Show this morning I saw. It really puts things in perspective. It was two boys, I want to say 11, 12, 13 maybe, in Australia, I believe it was, at school. And the video itself shows this smaller, more petite boy taunting a much larger young boy, young, young boy, and he starts to actually throw jabs at him, and he's saying something, but you can't really hear what he's saying. And there's some other boys hanging out around him, and obviously someone's videotaping this thing. And the big boy's not saying anything, he's not doing anything, and yet he picks up the other boy who appears to be taunting him, and he literally drops him on his head. I mean, this boy is so big that he was able to pick up this other boy without a problem and then drop him on his head. And fortunately, you don't really see what happens after that. You see the boy trying to get up, you just don't know what the outcome of that whole engagement was. And that was sickening enough. I mean, I literally got sick to my stomach when I saw it. And of course, Today Show, just like any other media, they played it and played it and replayed it, and each time I got sicker and sicker and sicker. But the point was not even just the engagement of these two boys and this— and the and the violence that, that happened and that occurred. It was then they talked to the young boy, the, the smaller, more petite boy, and according to this young boy, the video didn't pick up at all what the actual situation was. Supposedly he was the one being taunted and what— and being, uh, bullied, and he was therefore just responding to the other bigger boy. Now, you know, unfortunately this video is set up in such a way— and I don't think it was purposely set up this way— but it was set up in such a way that you would never conclude from it. You would definitely see this boy taunting the other boy. The other boy, the bigger one, is not responding, and then he just responds by picking him up and throwing him on his head. Neither one of them are, you know, in the right, mind you, but My point is perception. I'm not sure that it's reality because unfortunately this little clipping is drawing a lot of conclusions around the world about this young boy and about this whole situation. And yet without knowing what's going on behind the scene or in the scene and beyond it, uh, people could be drawing a lot of conclusions around the world about this, these, both of these young boys that might be totally untrue. And that happens a lot when we are kind of in these negative, competitive, taunting situations. And so going back to our very first discussion around fear, being fearful, or, you know, being insecure and just having a little bit of angst in your life, and then the whole discussion on competition, God, it would be a wonderful world if we can all just learn how to communicate well with each other, listen to each other, and then try to find ways to collaborate, engage, and interact with each other that are more positive and more supportive of one another. And again, the best way to do that is to— if you're having, you know, issues of your own dealing with that, then help someone else. And when you give, you are going to receive. And when you give, you are you're going to find positive positivity and motivation and momentum given to you. And therefore, if we could just all have a more positive outlook and engagement with each other, then maybe we can solve some of these problems that are occurring.

But Bernadette Boas, yes, we're out of time.

Okay, thank you very much. Talk to you soon. Bye-bye.

Now, Jennifer, are you still there? Yeah, just unfortunately you can't— I thought you told me that you were able to hear her saying 5 minutes, 4 minutes, whatever. Oh, I could not. Oh, okay, because, um, yeah, the last part of what you said, the last about 2 minutes, didn't get— you know, you weren't live.

Okay, that's okay, no problem at all. I'll just