Confidence Leads To Success with Elif Kose

Are you ready to create the riches in your work and life you deserve? It's time for Shedding the Bitch Radio, where you can discuss, debate, and get advice on how to discover and shed the bitches of fear, insecurity, self-doubt, and negativity so you can realize your dreams and life purpose and create and accelerate the riches you want in your life. Now, here's your host, Bernadette Boas. Good day, good day, good day everyone! How are you? And welcome to another episode of the Shutting the Bitch Radio, and we have a great discussion today. So kind of strap yourself in because we're going to be talking confidence. And ladies, we could all use confidence, even more confidence and more confidence as we go and pursue our goals and our dreams. So, um, you know, just kind of stay with us and we're going to have a fabulous conversation in regards to that. But in the meantime, I do want to first thank our own ongoing sponsor, North Georgia Tax Solutions, who sponsors, uh, Shedding the Bitch Radio, actually everything that we do within the Shedding the Bitch community. And, uh, North Georgia Tax Solutions, they are a full-service financial and tax services organization based in North Georgia, but they service everyone around, uh, the US, uh, in any of their finance or tax needs, small to corporate size clients as well as individuals and businesses. So be sure to reach out to Debbie Snelling and her team. They are fabulous. I've been using her probably for about 10 years plus, and, uh, she will be kind of your teammate and your partner in everything financial. So ngtechsolutions.com. You can reach out to her, tell her I said hi. And then I also want to thank our new and ongoing viewers and listeners. You have been fabulous, and you've been finding us whether that's on YouTube with our Shed the Bitch TV channel or on any of your podcast streaming services such as BlogTalk, iTunes, Stitcher, TuneIn, you name it. You're downloading and and taking us with you, which is fabulous, and please continue to do so as well. Be sure that you're liking, commenting, you're subscribing, and even rating us so then we can get more eyes and ears onto the Shedding the Bits program. But at the same time, we'd love to hear from you about the topics and experts you would love to hear from. So be sure to leave comments, whether that's on BlogTalk or iTunes or Apple Podcasts or any one of our streaming services and our Shed the Bitch TV YouTube page. All right, we'd love to know exactly what we could be doing to really provide you the tips and tools and strategies in order for you to create riches in your work and your life. All right, today, today, today, today, I'm so excited. We are going to be talking about confidence and our, uh, guest today really wants to help you lead to success with confidence. Successful women come across so confidently that you have to wonder if they were born with it, but the truth is you built it in time.

I—

our guest has been dressing and now coaching thousands of women for over 12 years and is not— and it's not how it looks from the outside. Side. I love that, I love that, I love that. So she believes that confidence is a combination of courage and strategy. You have to work at it. First, as a fashion designer, she strongly believes that your outlook is so important— how you feel and what you reflect in you into the outside. So dress for success and then focus on your dreams and what you want for life and how to get it with the gifts that you have. We are all gifted. Women who choose to be an entrepreneur, usually ambitious women, don't take no for an answer. But when we get to certain levels of financial independence, we are worried to lose all that we have built with true grit, perseverance, and hard work. And our guest wants you to understand that you don't have to lose it all. You can just continue building and building. So what we want to be talking about today and what we want you to kind of be paying attention for is The fact that confidence comes with practice, so you have to fake it until you make it. And many of you listeners know that's one of my core foundational mantras, is to fake it until you make it. How to gain clarity on your journey and stop giving too much energy to the naysayers. And lastly, how to build a business organically from pocket money to a six-figure global business. So, uh, for our guests and for all of you, especially, uh, the new viewers and listeners, I like to ground our discussions in what I call a rich question. So what that is is a question that will help you get pulled into the conversation and consider for yourself what might be relevant and what you might be able to take away from our conversation. So your rich question for today is, what do you need to feel more confident about? Is it work? Is it business? Is it getting clients? Is, is it how you present yourself? What is it that you need to feel more confident about? And I can guarantee you our guest is going to be able to solve that for you. So let me introduce our guest. Elef Kos is a passionate fashion designer and a serial entrepreneur based in Ronning— Ronningdean, East Sussex. That is the UK. She is on a mission to empower women through the power of fashion. Her story in entrepreneurship is inspiring, and her passion to help women in business continues widely. Her story of how £265 of pocket money in a country she couldn't even speak the language kicked off a mobile alteration business and took her to be a global fashion label. And it's moving. Her story is so moving. Her expert view in the industry is outstanding, and her approach to every client is so special. She has that special touch with people and renowned to repair broken hearts when needed and stitch a smile on everyone's face she meets. No wonder she is called an empowering fashion designer. So welcome to the show, Aliv, how are you?

Hi, thank you so much, Bernadette. That's really nice introduction.

Oh, you are so, so welcome. I've been looking forward to this conversation because not only who doesn't love fashion? Come on, ladies, who doesn't love fashion? But when I read that you had a similar belief around faking it until you make it and, and the fact that it is fashion too, that kind of works into that. Because that's what I did for a good, good, good number of years when I was actually in corporate. So where did that belief for you come from and why?

Well, what happened is, as you've mentioned, that I started my business as a mobile alteration service. So I, I didn't, I didn't start designing and making clothes, uh, straight away, even though I had been as a child growing up. Um, I could— I'd like to introduce myself in, in that side as well, very briefly, if you don't mind. I originally come from Turkey, and I was brought up in, in a very strict Muslim family where I, I wasn't that heard, you know. I didn't have much of a choice, and especially when it comes to clothes, I had to be told what I could wear and couldn't wear. So I remember growing up, um, playing with my dolls and making clothes for those dolls that I wasn't allowed to wear myself. So my clothing dressmaking goes back a long way, even though I started it purely by luck in the UK, because I came here as an au pair 14 years ago.

Oh wow!

To learn English. So 14 years ago, I couldn't speak a word of English, let alone start a business. So the journey to here has been a real roller coaster. A lot of learning curves, a lot of fun. And the, the reason I say it, fake it until you make it, it's because, because I wasn't confident myself. The reason I started these Confidence Leads to Success straplines, because I've noticed the more confident you look— you don't necessarily are, you know, you're not always confident, but right, the way you look can draw more attention to you, right? And I've noticed when I was— I've started as an, like I said, as an alteration girl, and I thought to myself, well, I don't really need to speak so much. Shortening pair of trousers, shortening pair of trousers, you don't need to write an essay about it. So I didn't. I just felt— I just built my confidence slowly, and, and I decided I had so much in me. I was ready to serve and do more, but I didn't have the confidence stand up and speak to an audience, stand up on a stage and sing a song. Or even though I loved theater back in my young age, and my father would just not allow me to do such things. So, but what I did is I hold the spotlight on others. So I always then stood back and I faked it. That I looked so confident. I looked so— but I was terrified, right?

Right.

But I spotlight others and they did the talk. All I had to do was present them, and, and I'll take a deep breath and go backstage and let them run the show. So I've noticed that even those people I kept putting on the stage had the same nerve— nerves. Yeah, so it's not. And I know, and I would say to them, oh, I admire you, so amazing, so phenomenal, how could you do that? And they would say, oh God, you know, you have no idea, I just dropped some rescue remedies in my mouth. So I thought, okay, so everyone has a bit of confidence issue. So it doesn't come by— some people have it by nature, right? And, and I noticed that it comes with practice. That's why I've suggested a lot of my clients that I coach to say, I know you're not confident because you don't know 100%, but I tell you, nobody knows 100%.

Yeah, yeah.

So you have— if you know 80%, even if you know 60%, you're good to go.

Just go, right?

So that's where the fake, fake it till you make it comes from.

Yeah, and I love it. Seriously, it has been a mantra of mine since I was probably, um, in college. And, uh, I just believe the same thing, you know. And, and I'll never forget when I started playing golf and my, and my, uh, client was going out with all the guys, and I'm like, I'll be damned if I'm not gonna go with my client and let them just go with all the guys. So I was like, well, I'm just gonna go and pretend I know how to play golf. And right, well, and then, um, relating to this subject where you're also in fashion, I also would always tell myself if I dress the part, I'm halfway there. So as long as I look like a golfer, you know, that takes like half of the issue away, uh, that I know what I'm doing.

Exactly. I always tell, you know, dress it, dress— I mean, your clothes are the closest to your skin. So whatever you're feeling, you can reflect it with your outfit, with your makeup, with your hair. If you're feeling down, if you're not feeling so well, your friends would spot it straight away. Not because you're not wearing makeup, it's because you're not dressed for the part. They know you so well. So by dressing, you have almost— even superheroes, right, they dress, don't they? They get into their box. They suddenly have this Superwoman outfit or, um, Wonder Woman outfit. They change into that costume, right? The big cape that goes behind, and suddenly they stand stronger. So think about your outfits as your superhero outfits because it helps, it makes a difference. Yeah, it doesn't— I mean, some people will say nobody judges a book by its cover. But I've never met anyone buy a book after reading the whole thing, right?

Right.

You do it, don't you?

Right. Absolutely.

So why would you take the chance?

That just hit me. That just hit me, what you just said about judging a book by its cover. We all do it because obviously we bought the book before we finished it.

Exactly.

Yeah, I love that. Yes.

Your outfit is your front cover. Your hair is your strapline. Your makeup, the way you speak is, is your, your headline. You know, I just think about it, right? Think about meeting someone and, and your first impression is very important.

Yeah, absolutely.

It's so important. You walk into a room— I haven't seen any successful woman goes on to a stage talk and, and dress really shabby. Yeah, they just don't, right? Right, they don't, right? Because, because there are people there, ticketed event especially, they pay. You go to a cinema, you go to a theater production, the costumes, it's, it's all about fashion. It's such a powerful tool to tell people who you are or who you want to be, right?

Right.

You know, it does sometimes You can dress for the part to feel that way, right? And, and you can even tell the world what religion you are by your dresses. So how could, how could we dismiss that power? So this is where I always say the confidence is one element, is your fashion.

Yeah, I love it. I love that because even something as simple like when I'm not feeling great and yet I'm gonna go out in the world if I put lipstick on. Yeah, lipstick, right, right. And for the past year and a half, it's been, you know, it's been eyebrows and eyelashes because we haven't been able to see each other's mouths. But yeah, you know, it's, it's, it's so true. It's so true. And I love how you've taken your fashion journey and then blended it with not only your, your journey, but you know, confidence and the, and the whole aspect of what fashion can do for one's outlook on life.

I have been dressing women last 12 years I've been in business, and I have seen over and over again women walking out that fitting room, dressing room— I don't know what you call it in the States— but, um, dressing room. They would walk out taller because the dress fits them so much better. And it's their colorway. It's, it's so important. And, and I dress women in corporate world, they're executives, um, managers and, and CEOs and fantastic women I absolutely admire. And I see how they dress for their events. If they're going for a work trip, yeah, they shop for it.

Yep. Oh, because Yeah, it's so true, right? It's so, it's so true. My dad used to always tell us that you could, you could get in anywhere even if you don't have money. You can get in anywhere as long as you're dressed. But if you're not dressed, you're going to be blocked. You're going to— the door is going to be shut on you to get into everywhere. So if you dress the part, you can, you know, every door is open, as opposed to if you don't, a lot of them close.

So if you're— if you think— if you turn up to every day for yourself as if you're going to get the best job, like a job interview, you know, we would always dress up for job interviews if we were to go for an interview. And or if you're going for a date, why would you not do that for you? Yeah, because it all starts with you, how, how it makes you feel good. If you're feeling so down, which we all have especially a woman, we have our emotions going up and down throughout the months, and, and the hormones affects us. I always make sure I dress for it. Yes, I, I— it's because it really helps. So confidence comes in different, different elements, and this is one part of it. And I've noticed that, um, women who dress for it seem to have it look like they have it all together, right?

Right, right, right, right. I love that. Now, what, what was it in your journey? You know, here you're going from a mobile alteration business into a, you know, a global brand, and, and, you know, the— and the fashion. But what was it that then told you, well, you know what, I need to take this one step further and really help women with, you know, identifying the, the leader within them. So you're coaching— what, what kind of, you know, event occurred to where you found yourself transitioning into doing that as well?

Well, what I've noticed, because I said to you, a lot of the women I dress that are in business, they're either coaches, they're, they're business in the corporate world, they are teachers, they are solicitors, lawyers, and they're all in this business world. And, and I noticed a lot of them were missing their leadership skills, um, and, and they were always questioning themselves. And again, it comes down to confidence. They think they need to know it all, or before they even set up their coaching courses, for instance, they think that they need to finish up so many books and so many courses, forgetting that we all have a gift that is given to us. Believe it in God, believe it in universe, believe in whatever you believe in. That, that power has given you a gift. And I, I have noticed that with the gift that I have got, that I am, I'm so— and I can see the opportunities for others as well as I could see for myself. And I help them unleash that leader that lies within them. And instead of them looking outside to find inspiration in others, They forget that the biggest inspiration is actually within them. We are our biggest source of inspiration. Look how much we've achieved. We forget to look at our own achievements. I mean, I used to forget that. I mean, to be able to even speak up the way I do with you right now— 14 years ago, I could only say, hello, my name is Elif Kose, I come from Turkey. So that I built that up. I wasn't born with it, right? So I, I one day I looked at the mirror while trying to find the, the leader. I saw that was in my eyes. I saw that, and, and then I found my gift, and I'm ready to help others to find theirs. And with my, like, how I built my business organically I never had business loan, never, never even got a credit card debt, right? Wow, from nothing. And now I'm so excited. Only last week we, um, I also do wholesale of my fashion brand. Okay, we've sent, um, a, but like a big box of my designs at boutique in California.

Sweet!

So what I'm saying is, this immigrant who couldn't speak a word of English comes to a country, makes up herself to be the brand of her childhood, and turns it into a global brand. If I did it, you can do well better than me, right?

That's awesome. That is so awesome. So, and that's a great segue. So I also wanted you to share your story about how you only had like 265 pounds, um, and you were able to, you were able to do what you needed to do. So what, you know, do you have any tips or suggestions for our listeners in regards to, you know, they're all always kind of saying that they don't have money, they can't make the investment into doing something. So what, what did you do and, and what can they learn from that?

Um, The one thing, it might sound very cliché, but I believed in myself so much that I looked for opportunities. And opportunities are always there for us all, every minute of the day. And what I had done, I shared my desires with people. I need— I'm sharing your story is so powerful and it opens doors for you. It doesn't— it's sharing sharing what you want. You know, when you go and do any coaching or any breakthrough courses or anything like that, the one thing they ask you in— I don't know if anyone believes in manifestation, law of attraction— the one thing, the question, what do you want? If you tell people what you want, you get it, right?

Right.

You don't, you don't just turn— I mean, I, I said I need to earn money because I didn't have any. So I went to this alteration shop, or it was like a little corner alteration shop, which now I own the freehold of that little shop, so I bought it. But I went in there with my broken English that I had rehearsed before I went in to say, do you need any help? Because I can sew. I put myself out there. So put yourself out there with, with your given gift and ask for help. If 3 people won't help you, the 4th person will help you, because people are born that way, to help each other. There will be people who will take you down, but there will be as many people who will lift you up. So try to find those. So that's what I've done. One thing I spoke about what I wanted, and I got the job. It was only 2 mornings, like 6 hours a week, right? But I put my foot in the door.

Yep, yep. And look at you now, you know.

It's— but you've got to try it. You've got to put yourself out there. And the second thing I did, I built it. So I told people that I could actually make clothes, so I had people took a chance on me. I— but I allowed that, right? I put some samples of things that I made, but with the clothes, the cloth, the fabric that was going in the tip. Okay, so I showed my—

explain that because that might be an English term.

Okay, tip is like rubbish. So in, in this country, like, one of my friends' grandmother was throwing all— like, she was— she had her husband passed away, and, and usually— I don't know if it's like culturally, but in England most older ladies when they lose their partners, if they're like in plus 80 years old and if they're still living in their marital home, they usually sell it and either move with their children or they go to a care home or they, they, they size down. So she was doing that and we happened to go and see her that weekend and I saw these fabrics and dresses that was vintage or old fabrics were going in the bin. There's this thing called like a big container they would park outside your driveway, it's called tip. So they would throw it in there and I pulled things out going, oh my God, this is wealth! So it was her rubbish but it was my gold. It was my gold.

Yeah. Absolutely.

And I wasn't ashamed of taking it, right? Because I needed it, right?

Right.

I needed it. And that was my first ever collection.

Yeah, that's awesome. That is so cool. What a great— that is a great story. That is a great story. And with all the English terms too. Yeah, because it's also educational. It's also educational. So, um, What have you found based on what you just said and based on your— you just, uh, gave us several things about sharing your desires and your story, asking for help, and then just getting your foot in the door. So what have you found amongst the thousands of women that, that you've coached that all of a sudden is their tipping point around, you know, they're feeling insecure, they're doubting themselves, they're suffering with imposter syndrome, but yet all of a sudden something happens to where they're like, yes, I'm going to, like, elef, I'm going to, you know, I'm gonna wear my clothes and fake it maybe till I make it, or maybe I do have confidence. Is there a kind of a transitioning incident that you have found with women as to them finally making that shift?

What happens is most of them, they get to a point like everything is just ticking over, and they have that calling in them saying, I can do more, but I don't know how. They don't know how to get to that next level, but they know they can do it. So what I do is I help them realize that the things they are doing could be done by somebody else. But all our life as entrepreneurs, being told us that you can do everything yourself, you're self-employed, you can do everything, you can be a web developer and, and an email marketer and a bookkeeper and everything. But I— what I just help them with, like, what about if you just What about if we, if we get you help that the things that slows you down, that's like, they usually have a list of things to do, and all those lists always have things that they, they don't want to do at the top, and they keep skipping, they keep skipping, and that thing actually slows them down. And I, and, and when they do those things on that list, it usually takes them a lot longer. And I— what, what happens is, because we've been taught to save money, not spend the money, but I'm helping them to spend the money in the right direction.

Yep.

For instance, if I try to change an image on my website, it will take me 3 hours, and my web developer could do that in 2 minutes.

Yeah, sure.

I just put— I just say, put a price down of your 3 hours. How much do you lose by doing it yourself, and the stress on top of that. And you procrastinate it because you are not good at it. That's why you're not doing it. And you don't feel confident even if you do it. You always have it back of your mind, it's not good enough. But if you ask for help— awesome— if you ask for help, they will do it for you, and then you will, you'll have a peace of mind and you'll save the 3 hours that you're going to waste on the things that you hate doing.

So how did you— because again, you know, listeners are probably sitting there going, yes, but I have no money to go and ask for help. So what suggestions or what ideas would you have for our viewers and listeners about if they are working on a shoestring budget, or at least they have this mental block about money, and therefore they feel as if they can't invest in allowing other people to do the work for them. Did you, you know, what did you do as you were coming along with only 265 pounds? What were you doing to kind of get that help while having little money?

Okay, there is always somebody else out there needs an experience, so you can get work experience. With people.

Yeah.

So I have had a lot of little girls in their age of 15, 16, 17 who, who wanted to do work experience. So I got them help me, um, to do the things that it was taking my time but wasn't paying me anything, right? But they were getting such valuable experience. You can do that And when I didn't have any money, I did dog walking and got paid. I, I even did house cleaning. Nice. I, you know, and money—

would you consider that like side hustles, right?

Side hustles, yeah. Until you get to a certain place, you've got to do it. I mean, I don't— I haven't met anyone who has made— first of all, I want to start from the beginning. Money has got nothing to do with your success. Let's put that in your head first, because I could have had thousands of pounds as being given to me to start my business, and if I'm not clever enough, if I'm not efficient enough, if I'm not disciplined enough, I would waste that. How many of us met so many people who started from nothing just like myself and made a great success of their business as well as a lot of people who started with a lot of money and made a magnificent fail of their business. Yes. So the money has got nothing to do with your success. It comes down to discipline, right? It comes down to optimism. You've got to be optimistic that you can achieve it. If you really believe in whatever you're doing, your product, your service— you can be a coach, you can be someone who sells candles, If you believe in your product that makes a difference in someone's life, make sure your, your message is not about the product, it's about what your product or service is making a difference in their life. Yeah, because that's what they're interested. When you meet someone, you don't tell them what to do, you tell them how you make them feel. So what's your candle is gonna do for you? What's your candle's gonna do for me? I can get candle from Tesco. It would be like Walmart. I can get test— I can get a candle from a car boot sale.

Yeah.

Why am I getting your candle? What is that going to make me feel? Yeah. So tell me that. Don't tell me what the candle— candle is a candle. So my clothes makes you confident. I empower— it empowers you.

Yeah.

That's, that's what I would say. Just, just answer every question that your potential client asking you. What would you do for them?

Yeah.

If you're a dentist, don't tell them I'm a dentist. Just tell them I make people's smile beautiful.

Yeah.

And they will be interested. What, what does— what do you mean by that? And then you can start the conversation running, right?

Love it. We're talking like, we're talking Business 101 here, people. Confidence, that's what we're talking about, is confidence. And, and I love what you're saying too, because as people do get their message out about the value that they're, they're providing to other people, that in itself builds their confidence. That in itself helps it to instill confidence, wouldn't you say?

That's right, it does, because If you— I mean, if you came to me for dressmaking, for instance, because I'm a fashion designer, um, so I want to give an example of that. You come to me and you have a big event going on and you say to me, 'Elef, I need a dress, uh, red, you know, no collar, off the shoulders, fishtail.' If I said to you, 'Of course, I think that would look fabulous on you,' you would trust in me. Because I sound like I know what I'm doing. But if I say, um, I'm sure I can do that for you, um, what do you mean, um, let me see— your language, the way you approach is so important. You've got to be sure of what you're doing. So you really have to know, is that what you really want to do?

Yep.

Because that is confident in itself, right?

Right. And that's either going to attract or repel Just from what you said makes me think, wow, that, you know, go one way and it's attracting people, go another way and it's repelling them. And which one do you want?

If you say, I should be able to do it, oh, how could you trust that person if they, they should be able to do it or could be able to do it? I would say, yes, when? How would you like to pay? That's what you need to ask them.

Yeah, right. I can do it.

I can do it. I mean, because if you say, of course I can, when would you like to pick it up and how would you like to pay? That's your second question.

Not, I should be able to do it, maybe, I'm not sure, okay, let me think about it.

Because if you're confident, your, your client will have trust. They're building that trust. And then you will not— I Don't— you won't even have to advertise yourself because they'll talk about you, right?

Right. Yeah. And well, I love that. Okay, we got to sit with that for a second, everybody. Okay, so what she just said is that if you put trust out there, if you put confidence out there, if you put, you know, motivational positive messaging out there, you're not going to have to go, you know, chasing them down. People are going to talk about you. And would you say to Elif that this has to do with over-delivering, not only delivering value, but even trying to focus on over-delivering to, to good people.

Yeah, just be generous. The givers always take more. Yeah, you will always take more. Just be generous with your time. With— I, I met a friend today for lunch, and literally throughout our lunch, I gave her everything that she had like 5, 6 light bulb moments that I would coach someone for the price that I charge normally. But I don't— I'm generous, I give because I know that it's going to make a difference on that woman's life whether she takes it or not.

Right, right, right.

There are so many coaches, I read their books, they're actually giving all their golden nuggets out in that book. Whether you take it or not, that's your understanding. So be generous, give, because the givers take, right? It receives, not always from the same direction that you give, right? But sometimes in other ways. I believe in that.

Yeah, that's fabulous, and it's so true. It's so true. Don't look for it to be reciprocated directly. It could come from just somewhere out in the universe. Yeah, it could come. Okay, so we've been talking about all this positive and optimism and confidence, but what would you say has been your biggest challenges? You know, what have you overcome and what got really in your way, uh, during your own journey that others might be able to relate to? And then we can talk about, okay, so what did you do to overcome that?

Oh, I had so many challenges. Since I got here, I have been through divorce. That was a big challenge. Um, and I think my biggest challenge in the UK especially has been having the feeling of belonging somewhere because I was a foreigner here. But what happened eventually, because I live away from my home, I mean, I am the other girl here. But I'm also the other girl in my country because I live here. So I had that feeling of— I didn't— I was always the girl lives— or I— so I was a Turkish girl here, but when I go back home to Turkey, they would say I was the girl that lives in England. So I, I had that belonging, and I had that the first few years because I didn't know anybody. I mean, if you think about it, you arrive here with not much money. £265 isn't a lot of money. You could only stay in a hotel for a night or two if you go to a hostel. Um, and then, and then, um, what was, what was I going to say? And then I had no friends, no family, no social support. No language to speak to, even to make a friendship in, in the level to go in a deeper conversation, right?

Right.

So that's— there were so many challenges. And, and, and speaking the language is not the only challenge. Speaking the culture, yes, is the lang— that's different language, right? So I had all those challenges and because I didn't have confidence in myself to apply for a job because I didn't think my education was in the level of the UK level. And I didn't think— I have a degree in business from Turkish, um, university, but I didn't think I was— my education was good enough to apply for a job. So that's pushed me starting my entrepreneurial journey. So I then had to also learn the way to run the business because business world is completely different. Oh, I had so many challenges, but my biggest challenge has always been trying to fit in. So I didn't want to be the other girl, and, and, and at times I shushed myself and quietened myself, and I wanted to be accepted and trying to be— trying to show people my true heart. But then I realized you can be, just be, just be yourself. Because you cannot be loved and liked and approved by everybody. The moment I unleashed the leader within myself.

Yeah, yeah. And it's so liberating. Was it so liberating for you to realize that you can't— yeah, you can't control what other people, you know, and how they think about you and feel about you. So you just have let it go.

That's right, that's right. I think what happened is with me, this is very, um, very like woman. I, I am— I've just had a baby 3 years ago. My son is only 3 years old, and sometimes he comes to the door. If you hear a knocking, that's him.

That's okay, that's okay.

And, and I always thought I had control over things, and when I fall back pregnant and I had a baby. And throughout my birth, that birthing session has given me— that was my liberating moment, that I had no power of how I could control that birth, right? No matter how I wanted to deliver it, he wanted to come the way he did. And that was my wake-up moment. So I'm not here to please everyone. I'm here for me only, and I am gonna be who I am. There will be people who are going to love me, they're going to— people who are going to hate me. I hope there won't be so many haters because I am, I am love. I want to give. I want— I am peace. I want to create peace in people. But not everybody will like me. Some people will hate my voice still. Some people will hate my accent. Some people will hate my approach to the world, right? But you know, it's none of my business.

It isn't. It's not here. That's awesome. I love it. Ladies, are you listening? Are you listening, ladies? Because it's a huge, huge lesson that you need to learn. Uh, you need to learn. And I love that. I love that. Ah, fabulous. So, uh, I do want to share something with you, but I'll do it afterwards because you trigger something within me. And, and actually, it's an idea for you, so that's why I'm not going to bring it up now. But, um, so what would you say in our last minute or so, what would be like the number one thing, suggestion, tip, advice, don't, that you would, um, provide our, our, uh, listeners and our viewers that if they were to start X, Y, and Z today, they could be on their, you know, path to, you know, unleashing the leader within them?

Um, what I would say, create a community that would support their businesses, that around them. I know we all want to be global, but you've got to start— you have to ground yourself somewhere before you go out. Other one, other places. So create a small community, like organize events that will support your, support your event, support your business. Organize and ask those people to, to ask those people what they think about your business, right? And what you could serve them with your business. Ask them because they are the people who you want to serve. So What's the point you think what they need? Why don't you just ask them? And, and bring people who would complement your business that into your party to invite their friends and their community so you can widen yourself. So start small, but having community and a tribe who believe in you and who see you will always support you.

Right, love that, love that, love that, love that. This has been awesome. I'm— we could talk forever, um, in regards to this, and I just love your energy and everything about you. So I so appreciate all these rich tips. I mean, I have a whole like piece of paper down here. I've been scribbling away the entire time, um, but I so appreciate it, Elif. And, um, we have your your website down below. I would love all of you to go out and go to leaderwithinyou.co.uk and check her out, reach out to her, see how she can provide you her guidance and her coaching and her support in helping you unleash the leader within. Thank you so much.

Thank you.

You are very, very welcome. And for everyone else Um, please be sure that, uh, you join us each and every Tuesday at noon Eastern time for another episode of Shedding the Bitch. I am trying to find my little outgoing thing here and I can't seem to find it, but that's okay. Um, and yes, every Tuesday at noon Eastern time, uh, for Shedding the Bitch Radio. And we'll look forward to having you back in real soon. Take care, everybody. Bye. Thank you for listening to Shedding the Bitch Radio with Bernadette Boas. We would love to know what your biggest takeaway was. Go to Shedding the Bitch on Facebook and leave a comment or even a review of the show. And be sure not to miss a single episode every Tuesday. Go to Shedding the Bitch on YouTube and Apple Podcasts and be sure to subscribe. You can also learn more at balloffirecoaching.com. See you next week.